Girlfriend broke up with me over my age

LegacyUser

Hey, I really need everyone's help. My girlfriend is 25 and yesterday she found out I am 20 after I had lied and told her im 22. I only lied because I really wanted her to give me a chance and judge me on who I am and not my age. She said she thought that given my age I would simply get bored of her in a few years but honestly I dont think I ever would as I genuinely love her and its nothing to do with how amazing I think she looks or the sex because I think she is one of the most interesting people I have ever met and I could spend hours just listening to her opinions on things. I am so regretful I hurt her like that and I would do anything to get her back but I know that when she finishes things she doesn't turn back. I really want her to give me a chance. Basically she had an ex my age who broke her heart due to his immaturity and she thinks I will do the same. I pleaded with her to just forget my age and make the decision on who I am. I would do anything for the girl I just really want her to give me the chance to prove that I'd always be there for her. I really neeed people's opinions and advice on how I get win her back. I miss her so much I cant lose her over my age.

cosmic

It sounds like she broke up with you because you lied, not because of the age difference. You broke her trust and she's probably really hurt. You need to stop apologising for your age and start apologising for lying to her. Then maybe she might begin to forgive you.

Sorry OP but the last younger guy she went out with broke her heart due to his immaturity and you lied to her from the outset ... I can see why she'd be prejudiced (for want of a better word) against younger partners.

As cosmic said, you're missing the point. Address this point and you might have a chance of winning her back.

LegacyUser

I would do anything to get her back. I lied because I just needed her to give me a chance and I knew that if she found out initially I was 20 it would never happen.

shellyboo

You tricked her, then? She had every right to not want to go out with you because you're too young in the first place, and she has even more right to dump you now that you deceived her.

You made your own bed, OP. You can't always get everything you want. Seems like she has a point - you're too immature for her.

LegacyUser

I don't think its completely unfair to have just wanted her to judge me as a person and not on my age. anyway I am not asking for a discussion on the ethics of what I did as no one here knows how much I care about her I just need advice on how to get her back

soupset3

soupset3 wrote: »

I don't think its completely unfair to have just wanted her to judge me as a person and not on my age. anyway I am not asking for a discussion on the ethics of what I did as no one here knows how much I care about her I just need advice on how to get her back

And the person you presented her was a liar ... I don't see why this is so hard to understand. No-one is judging you and until you see that the real issue here is that you lied, rather than your age, and that she was perfectly within her rights to dump you because of that, you have little chance of winning her back.

LegacyUser

She has told me its solely down to my age. I don't care if I have 'little chance' to win her back I am still going to try everything in my power to do so

dublingal80

sorry dude but my ex lied to me about his age, he said he was 5 years older, not double that. When he told me, i was ok about it (very niave back then) but it was the fact that he lied to me that just made our relationship so difficult. I had told all my friends and my family his age, and then what was i supposed to do when i had to add 5 years on to that. When people did find out they were sooo wary of him. They couldnt understand why he would do that to me and all my family hated him too and we did eventually broke up

Just learn from this and know in your next relationship to be 100% honest

Moomoo1

was it you who posted a few weeks ago about whether you should tell her: did you tell her or did she find out herself? I don't blame you: one cannot expect you to saw the branch you are sitting on.

there's probably not much you can do. If people are prejudiced against your age (just like with ethnicity or class) then that's just how it is, because you cannot change that (about yourself)

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

was it you who posted a few weeks ago about whether you should tell her: did you tell her or did she find out herself? I don't blame you: one cannot expect you to saw the branch you are sitting on.

there's probably not much you can do. If people are prejudiced against your age (just like with ethnicity or class) then that's just how it is, because you cannot change that (about yourself)

Yeah that was me. Life really seems so pointless without her. People are so fake and really when I think about it she is the only thing that I genuinely care about.

dublingal80

id say its the fact he lied moo. She probably told her family that she was seeing a guy and told them about him and told her friends too, and now she has to turn around and say, oh actually he lied to me!?!?

Moomoo1

I think he lied because he knew that he'd stand no chance with her if he hadn't. If he had told her at the beginning the outcome would have been the same.

dublingal80

well lying to her certainly guaranteed for this to happen

Moomoo1

But what did you expect him to do? She probably indicated it to him that she wasn't interested in anyone so young early on. So either he told her then (and wouldn't have got to even go out with her), or he would have told her later on (and would have had her break up with him). What's the difference?

Moomoo1

I really think she is the immature one here.

dublingal80

If he wanted to prove to her that he was mature and wise beyond his years, the last thing he should have done would be lie to her

It just makes him look extremely immature and anyone she told about him, she is now embarrassed to have to tell them that he lied to her.

Relationships cant start out on a lie. If he wants to be with someone he needs to be honest from the start, cos a lie like that will more than likely end in a break up

If he was honest, and was able to show her how mature he was, despite his age, maybe things would be different. Or if she could deal with that, well at least he tried and was being honest and himself

Moomoo1

but if he hadn't lied the relationship wouldn't have started at all?

I think it's immature to judge someone based purely on their age. At the end of the day she's shortchanging herself because of her prejudice.

dublingal80

well thats her opinion if thats what she thinks and how she feels and if she feels someone at 20 is too young for her what can ya do.
She is being honest.

At the end of the day he lied and through experience of having an ex lie to me about his age i know how she feels and i can understand her situation

i just hope the OP now knows not to lie and can be more honest in his relationships in the future

soupset3

soupset3 wrote: »

People are so fake

Ya don't say :rolleyes:

LegacyUser

dublingal80 wrote: »

i just hope the OP now knows not to lie and can be more honest in his relationships in the future

I dont want future relationships I want her back. Why should my age matter I love her and would do anything for her. I am asking for advice to get her back not opinions on the ethics of what I did.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Ya don't say :rolleyes:

I may have lied but I am not fake. I just wanted her to get to know me as a person not an age. Feel so empty without her everything is so pointless

Moomoo1

dublingal80 wrote: »

well thats her opinion if thats what she thinks and how she feels and if she feels someone at 20 is too young for her what can ya do.
She is being honest.

At the end of the day he lied and through experience of having an ex lie to me about his age i know how she feels and i can understand her situation

i just hope the OP now knows not to lie and can be more honest in his relationships in the future

I don't think we'll ever agree on this (and we are not helping the OP here), but I think that with any prejudice - racial, ethnic, ageist, etc - it's ok not to tell if you think that the relationship would never get off the ground if you did tell.

I am sorry for the experiences you have had, but presumably you never gave an indication, at the outset, that you would not go out with him if you knew his real age?

dublingal80

soupset3 wrote: »

Hey, I really need everyone's help. My girlfriend is 25 and yesterday she found out I am 20 after I had lied and told her im 22. I only lied because I really wanted her to give me a chance and judge me on who I am and not my age. She said she thought that given my age I would simply get bored of her in a few years but honestly I dont think I ever would as I genuinely love her and its nothing to do with how amazing I think she looks or the sex because I think she is one of the most interesting people I have ever met and I could spend hours just listening to her opinions on things. I am so regretful I hurt her like that and I would do anything to get her back but I know that when she finishes things she doesn't turn back. I really want her to give me a chance. Basically she had an ex my age who broke her heart due to his immaturity and she thinks I will do the same. I pleaded with her to just forget my age and make the decision on who I am. I would do anything for the girl I just really want her to give me the chance to prove that I'd always be there for her. I really neeed people's opinions and advice on how I get win her back. I miss her so much I cant lose her over my age.

well you started out on the wrong foot by showing your immaturity to her by lying to her about your age.

Honestly i dont know if you will be able to get her back. Give her a week or so to clear her head and then call her, dont text or email or anything, pick up the phone and call her and say to her you want to meet her. If she agrees to that, be as honest and open as possible. If she doesnt, unfortunately there isnt anything else you can do

dublingal80

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I don't think we'll ever agree on this (and we are not helping the OP here), but I think that with any prejudice - racial, ethnic, ageist, etc - it's ok not to tell if you think that the relationship would never get off the ground if you did tell.

I am sorry for the experiences you have had, but presumably you never gave an indication, at the outset, that you would not go out with him if you knew his real age?

yeah i think we should agree to disagree
For me, i adored my ex at the time. Had no clue what age he was and honestly didnt care. it just got so messy tho when i did find out his age, trying to keep up the lie to my parents and siblings, because if they knew he had lied to me, they would have hated him, and i didnt want them to, but then they found out and with that, and how he was treating me, they hated him anyway. Long story!

but now my oh is 3 years younger and perfect for me! I told someone the night i met him that i would never be with someone younger than me, i always liked older men, but my usual type wasnt working for me so i tried something new

LegacyUser

dublingal80 wrote: »

well you started out on the wrong foot by showing your immaturity to her by lying to her about your age.

Honestly i dont know if you will be able to get her back. Give her a week or so to clear her head and then call her, dont text or email or anything, pick up the phone and call her and say to her you want to meet her. If she agrees to that, be as honest and open as possible. If she doesnt, unfortunately there isnt anything else you can do

Should I really wait a week? Why not ring her this afternoon?

LegacyUser

Does anyone know what I could do to get her back?

LegacyUser

The problem is she thinks I'll tire of her in a few years and she doesnt want to take that risk if it helps

Wibbs was wondering if you had any advice?

Monkey61

Okay, I don't think lying about your age is the worst thing in the world. I am your girlfriend's age OP and my girlfriend is 6 years younger than me. Had she lied about her age at the start and suddenly revealed it, I certainly wouldn't have broken up with her! I probably would have been shocked, seen the funny side and then been quite flattered that she went to all that effort because she really wanted me to give her a chance.

I know that lying is a major deal breaker for some - but in the grand scheme of things I don't think that was the worst lie in the world. It doesn't even come close.

There are a few possibilities here OP, firstly - she isn't that into you at all and is just using that as an excuse. In my opinion, if she really liked you she would never break up with you for such a stupid reason. Especially since 22 and 20 - not really much difference there. I could maybe understand if you suddenly revealed you were under 18 perhaps.

Secondly - she is just one of those people who doesn't like to take risks and chances in relationships. The kind of person who thinks "Oh I'm really mad into him, but the chance that I may get hurt in a couple of years time isn't worth the few years of happiness first so let's break up now." In my experience with people who think like that, there is very little you can do that will change their minds. They are determined to avoid risk, make unshakeable decisions and stick to them.

Can you get her back? Probably not by the sounds of things. If you want to try though, you have to realise that it is not going to happen right away. She doesn't want to be with you now and there is nothing that you can say or do that will magically make her change her mind. DO NOT CALL HER. Or text her or email or pester her in any way. It will seem needy and will not be attractive. A week? I'd say wait a month, maybe 3 months. Let her miss you. Let her wonder what you are doing. Running after her will just send her running in the opposite direction and it will make you look young and childish which is the last thing you want here. You need to give her space.

Get on with your life. Improve yourself and make yourself happy. Then a couple of months or so down the line if you resume contact and meet up you will have loads of news, exciting stories and generally seem more desirable.

Honestly I know it is tough and I know that you just want to contact her, but right now I promise you that it will do no good. I was in your position before and I decided to give it exactly 3 months before resuming contact. It was tough but I waited it out. Then we met up but it was still too soon so I gave it a few more months of very occasional texts. Then she started texting me. Then she started inviting me to hang out etc. This took almost a year though.

So keep the chin up and put the phone down!

LegacyUser

Monkey61 wrote: »

Okay, I don't think lying about your age is the worst thing in the world. I am your girlfriend's age OP and my girlfriend is 6 years younger than me. Had she lied about her age at the start and suddenly revealed it, I certainly wouldn't have broken up with her! I probably would have been shocked, seen the funny side and then been quite flattered that she went to all that effort because she really wanted me to give her a chance.

I know that lying is a major deal breaker for some - but in the grand scheme of things I don't think that was the worst lie in the world. It doesn't even come close.

There are a few possibilities here OP, firstly - she isn't that into you at all and is just using that as an excuse. In my opinion, if she really liked you she would never break up with you for such a stupid reason. Especially since 22 and 20 - not really much difference there. I could maybe understand if you suddenly revealed you were under 18 perhaps.

Secondly - she is just one of those people who doesn't like to take risks and chances in relationships. The kind of person who thinks "Oh I'm really mad into him, but the chance that I may get hurt in a couple of years time isn't worth the few years of happiness first so let's break up now." In my experience with people who think like that, there is very little you can do that will change their minds. They are determined to avoid risk, make unshakeable decisions and stick to them.

Can you get her back? Probably not by the sounds of things. If you want to try though, you have to realise that it is not going to happen right away. She doesn't want to be with you now and there is nothing that you can say or do that will magically make her change her mind. DO NOT CALL HER. Or text her or email or pester her in any way. It will seem needy and will not be attractive. A week? I'd say wait a month, maybe 3 months. Let her miss you. Let her wonder what you are doing. Running after her will just send her running in the opposite direction and it will make you look young and childish which is the last thing you want here. You need to give her space.

Get on with your life. Improve yourself and make yourself happy. Then a couple of months or so down the line if you resume contact and meet up you will have loads of news, exciting stories and generally seem more desirable.

Honestly I know it is tough and I know that you just want to contact her, but right now I promise you that it will do no good. I was in your position before and I decided to give it exactly 3 months before resuming contact. It was tough but I waited it out. Then we met up but it was still to soon so I gave it a few more months of very occasional texts. Then she started texting me. Then she started inviting me to hang out etc. This took almost a year though.

So keep the chin up and put the phone down!

Thank you so much for your advice, I will be following it.

LegacyUser

Im with moo on this ,I think the OP was in a difficult position and that the lady was hasty if not downright prejudiced...Good luck with the 'reconquest' OP -hope she's worth it.

LegacyUser

user5679 wrote: »

Im with moo on this ,I think the OP was in a difficult position and that the lady was hasty if not downright prejudiced...Good luck with the 'reconquest' OP -hope she's worth it.

Thanks. I really do think shes worth it she is an amazing person. Unfortunately her ex texts her almost every week begging for her back and she simply doesn't reply to the texts and I have a feeling that once she finishes something she doesnt look back
I am still going to try everything to get her back.

Moomoo1

what was the story with her ex?

MizzLolly

Jesus Christ, can the posters from the first page take a good look at the OP's post, the guy asked for help. He's feeling awful, his heart is broken and he doesn't know what the do. He made a silly mistake, he didn't do it maliciously and he's suffering for it now. He asked for help and all you guys can do is tell him he's immature and he's messed up.

FFS. Why the hell did you bother posting? Two or Three posters in particular jumped out because what they typed was pure rubbish. The guy asked for help, not scathing, judgmental thanks whoring posts! :rolleyes:


Anyway OP, I remember you posted a while back and I was often wondering what happened. I think it's awful that she dumped you over this, given that the relationship was going well and you were both happy. I find it hard to believe that she could end it so easily solely because you lied or because you're young. If you care about someone enough I think one silly mistake isn't enough to do any real damage. You didn't cheat, you didn't lie about being single, you just told a silly white lie with no malicious intent. I'm sure at the time if you had have known this would happen you'd have been honest.

As to what you can do, well, firstly I wouldn't go ''doing everything'' to get her back. While I realise that you lied, I think she's being quite shallow. If she was crazy about you one minute and then dumping you the next I would warrant a guess that it was all down to more than just your age. Don't keep texting her or ringing her, you'll only be following in her ex's footsteps then.

Tell her that you are mature and that you've proved that to her already since she's been in a relationship with you, she knows what kind of person you are. Tell her that your age really should not be an issue today if she was fine with you yesterday, it's only a number, nothing about you has changed. I actually think she's being a bit silly for losing a good guy over something so irrelevant. Best thing you can do is talk to her calmly and get your point across. If she isn't prepared to listen to you then the girl needs to go off and do a bit of growing up herself. But do not chase her. Try talk to her, tell her how you feel but let her go if that's what she decides because really you didn't do all that much to warrant feeling so bad now.

Don't let the earlier posts upset you, some people are just so mighty and knowledgeable when they're hiding behind a screen. What you did was silly but you already know that and you're sorry.

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

what was the story with her ex?

He started going out loads instead of hanging out with her and ended up cheating on her. She told me that she didn't realize it at the time but he was a child and she says shes afraid I'll be the same.

She sent me this today :

''I think its not going to work. I know it hurts. I'm hurt too again. I'm just scared and I think you are a fantastic guy and I'll miss you.''

LegacyUser

MizzLolly wrote: »

Jesus Christ, can the posters from the first page take a good look at the OP's post, the guy asked for help. He's feeling awful, his heart is broken and he doesn't know what the do. He made a silly mistake, he didn't do it maliciously and he's suffering for it now. He asked for help and all you guys can do is tell him he's immature and he's messed up.

FFS. Why the hell did you bother posting? Two or Three posters in particular jumped out because what they typed was pure rubbish. The guy asked for help, not scathing, judgmental thanks whoring posts! :rolleyes:


Anyway OP, I remember you posted a while back and I was often wondering what happened. I think it's awful that she dumped you over this, given that the relationship was going well and you were both happy. I find it hard to believe that she could end it so easily solely because you lied or because you're young. If you care about someone enough I think one silly mistake isn't enough to do any real damage. You didn't cheat, you didn't lie about being single, you just told a silly white lie with no malicious intent. I'm sure at the time if you had have known this would happen you'd have been honest.

As to what you can do, well, firstly I wouldn't go ''doing everything'' to get her back. While I realise that you lied, I think she's being quite shallow. If she was crazy about you one minute and then dumping you the next I would warrant a guess that it was all down to more than just your age. Don't keep texting her or ringing her, you'll only be following in her ex's footsteps then.

Tell her that you are mature and that you've proved that to her already since she's been in a relationship with you, she knows what kind of person you are. Tell her that your age really should not be an issue today if she was fine with you yesterday, it's only a number, nothing about you has changed. I actually think she's being a bit silly for losing a good guy over something so irrelevant. Best thing you can do is talk to her calmly and get your point across. If she isn't prepared to listen to you then the girl needs to go off and do a bit of growing up herself. But do not chase her. Try talk to her, tell her how you feel but let her go if that's what she decides because really you didn't do all that much to warrant feeling so bad now.

Don't let the earlier posts upset you, some people are just so mighty and knowledgeable when they're hiding behind a screen. What you did was silly but you already know that and you're sorry.

Thanks for taking the time to respond

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off-topic posting will get you banned from this forum.
Do take time to read the charter which contains the rules and abide by them.
Have a nice day.
Thaedydal

Moomoo1

MizzLolly wrote: »

Tell her that you are mature and that you've proved that to her already since she's been in a relationship with you, she knows what kind of person you are. Tell her that your age really should not be an issue today if she was fine with you yesterday, it's only a number, nothing about you has changed. I actually think she's being a bit silly for losing a good guy over something so irrelevant. Best thing you can do is talk to her calmly and get your point across. If she isn't prepared to listen to you then the girl needs to go off and do a bit of growing up herself. But do not chase her. Try talk to her, tell her how you feel but let her go if that's what she decides because really you didn't do all that much to warrant feeling so bad now.

+1. And also explain that not all 20 year olds cheat and act immature. And that's she's shortchanging herself.

soupset3 wrote: »

He started going out loads instead of hanging out with her and ended up cheating on her. She told me that she didn't realize it at the time but he was a child and she says shes afraid I'll be the same.

She sent me this today :

''I think its not going to work. I know it hurts. I'm hurt too again. I'm just scared and I think you are a fantastic guy and I'll miss you.''

yeah ok, if someone cheated and is trying to get her back you can see why she's not answering texts, esp. as she was in another relationship with you.

Hallo World

OP..
I'm gonna wade in here if thats ok..

No point discussing the initial lie, you know it was stupid.... thats a good starting point for you.

Second.. you wanna know how to get her back? well, there is no 'magic formula'.. but there are things you can do, which some of the more reasonable posters have alluded to...

1. She is scared you are immature like the last guy so, easy answer.. Be mature, you sound a fairly reasonable human being with a fairly good head on his shoulders for a 20 yr old. (wish I was like that back then!).. anyway, you can tell her how much you are not like the last guy, how mature you are etc etc, but actions is what counts here. All the words in the world are meaningless unless you back em up with actions.
Theres earlier posts there suggesting anytime from a week to 3 months.. I think both are reasonable and unreasonable.. certainly with break up occurring quite recently, give it til after the weekend to call her and i mean RING HER.. do not text, email, write, carrier pigeon the message.. Mature respectful people use their voice! always remember that. less confusion, less analysing of what the other 'might mean', less drawn out.

2. From now, all thoughts of that ex are gone. If she mentions him 'you hear her, but you are not him' and move the topic on. Do not get drawn into comparisons on him v you.

3. Her texts, she misses you, you're a fantastic guy etc.. then whats her problem? you need to be able to ask her these questions, diplomatically & emotionlessly (is that a word?)
If it harks back to 'my ex did...' move her along. Do note, there may be unresolved issues with the ex ok.. its possible you are even a rebound, BUT rebounds can become full blown long term relationships (I know my last one did).. it just needs a clear, cool head, who can show some maturity (and that goes for any age btw!), show how much you care, what she means to you. you did a lie, a small one to be honest, but you can pull this situation around ok...

Give her a little space, that means not replying to HER texts ok.. then RING HER in a few days.. shows some level of maturity (shows you respect her need to pull herself together)

Sit down and talk in person, this is not a conversation to have through any other medium.

Slightly obvious, but be well groomed when ya meet her ok.. ya don't wanna look like a heap of depression!

When you meet her, go to a coffee shop or some other such place (NO Booze!), less chance conversation can descend into a blubbering babbling mess...

Respect her decisions in whatever she chooses, if the conversation does not go your way and she wants to end it once and for all, respect it, means you leave with some dignity about you and that my friend is a true sign of maturity (by all means walk round the corner and collapse in a heap or have a friend prepped and ready to be there for you whatever happens)

And after that? well if its gone south, no txts, mails, drunkdialling, no facebook/bebo etc..
If it goes well, go slow, set some boundaries for you.

All you are trying to do is SHOW you are mature, actions back up your words, thats what she needs to see now.

Hope some of this makes sense! and the best of luck!

dirtydress

+ 1 to the above poster and just to add, remember you can't make someone love you...

Wibbs

Monkey61 wrote: »

Can you get her back? Probably not by the sounds of things. If you want to try though, you have to realise that it is not going to happen right away. She doesn't want to be with you now and there is nothing that you can say or do that will magically make her change her mind. DO NOT CALL HER. Or text her or email or pester her in any way. It will seem needy and will not be attractive. A week? I'd say wait a month, maybe 3 months. Let her miss you. Let her wonder what you are doing. Running after her will just send her running in the opposite direction and it will make you look young and childish which is the last thing you want here. You need to give her space.

Get on with your life. Improve yourself and make yourself happy. Then a couple of months or so down the line if you resume contact and meet up you will have loads of news, exciting stories and generally seem more desirable.

Honestly I know it is tough and I know that you just want to contact her, but right now I promise you that it will do no good. I was in your position before and I decided to give it exactly 3 months before resuming contact. It was tough but I waited it out. Then we met up but it was still too soon so I gave it a few more months of very occasional texts. Then she started texting me. Then she started inviting me to hang out etc. This took almost a year though.

So keep the chin up and put the phone down!

Monkey61 pretty much nails it. At least what I would advise anyway. Especially the bit in bold. Move on with your life, it is far more attractive, than someone wallowing. Being needy is kryptonite to attraction for either gender but especially for women. It also looks "younger" so may add to her resolve.

That said you should ask yourself if you actually want her back, or is it emotional panic on your part. It will be hard to judge that now in the frame of mid you're in. Again backing off and limiting or stopping contact will make that decision easier for you to make. IMHO I have found distance, even for a month will give people a chance to really look at the reasons why.

prinz

Moomoo1 wrote: »

I don't think we'll ever agree on this (and we are not helping the OP here), but I think that with any prejudice - racial, ethnic, ageist, etc - it's ok not to tell if you think that the relationship would never get off the ground if you did tell.

Sure why stop at "prejudice", what if she's prejudiced against guys who are married, ok to lie? Guys who have kids - is it ok to lie about them? Sure what of it, bored of being a sales rep? Tell her you're an astronaut.... What a ridiculous premise to lie to people in case they don't like the truth.

Just because you have likes and dislikes - doesn't mean you're prejudiced for crying out like. I am attracted to certain things - and not attracted to others, that doesn't mean I am biased or prejudiced, it's just nature.

LegacyUser

Hallo World wrote: »

OP..
I'm gonna wade in here if thats ok..

No point discussing the initial lie, you know it was stupid.... thats a good starting point for you.

Second.. you wanna know how to get her back? well, there is no 'magic formula'.. but there are things you can do, which some of the more reasonable posters have alluded to...

1. She is scared you are immature like the last guy so, easy answer.. Be mature, you sound a fairly reasonable human being with a fairly good head on his shoulders for a 20 yr old. (wish I was like that back then!).. anyway, you can tell her how much you are not like the last guy, how mature you are etc etc, but actions is what counts here. All the words in the world are meaningless unless you back em up with actions.
Theres earlier posts there suggesting anytime from a week to 3 months.. I think both are reasonable and unreasonable.. certainly with break up occurring quite recently, give it til after the weekend to call her and i mean RING HER.. do not text, email, write, carrier pigeon the message.. Mature respectful people use their voice! always remember that. less confusion, less analysing of what the other 'might mean', less drawn out.

2. From now, all thoughts of that ex are gone. If she mentions him 'you hear her, but you are not him' and move the topic on. Do not get drawn into comparisons on him v you.

3. Her texts, she misses you, you're a fantastic guy etc.. then whats her problem? you need to be able to ask her these questions, diplomatically & emotionlessly (is that a word?)
If it harks back to 'my ex did...' move her along. Do note, there may be unresolved issues with the ex ok.. its possible you are even a rebound, BUT rebounds can become full blown long term relationships (I know my last one did).. it just needs a clear, cool head, who can show some maturity (and that goes for any age btw!), show how much you care, what she means to you. you did a lie, a small one to be honest, but you can pull this situation around ok...

Give her a little space, that means not replying to HER texts ok.. then RING HER in a few days.. shows some level of maturity (shows you respect her need to pull herself together)

Sit down and talk in person, this is not a conversation to have through any other medium.

Slightly obvious, but be well groomed when ya meet her ok.. ya don't wanna look like a heap of depression!

When you meet her, go to a coffee shop or some other such place (NO Booze!), less chance conversation can descend into a blubbering babbling mess...

Respect her decisions in whatever she chooses, if the conversation does not go your way and she wants to end it once and for all, respect it, means you leave with some dignity about you and that my friend is a true sign of maturity (by all means walk round the corner and collapse in a heap or have a friend prepped and ready to be there for you whatever happens)

And after that? well if its gone south, no txts, mails, drunkdialling, no facebook/bebo etc..
If it goes well, go slow, set some boundaries for you.

All you are trying to do is SHOW you are mature, actions back up your words, thats what she needs to see now.

Hope some of this makes sense! and the best of luck!

Hey, yes it makes complete sense and I am going to do as you say. I suppose the hardest part about it is the fear that she will find someone else. Shes going out this weekend and shes always getting approached in nightclubs by guys and I am so afraid shes going to find someone else.

Wibbs

So what if she does? This would be a pretty good indication that she is moving on and not that pushed on a relationship with you. A kick in the nutz tm sure, but what can you do, but learn from it.

pisslips

prinz wrote: »

Sure why stop at "prejudice", what if she's prejudiced against guys who are married, ok to lie? Guys who have kids - is it ok to lie about them? Sure what of it, bored of being a sales rep? Tell her you're an astronaut.... What a ridiculous premise to lie to people in case they don't like the truth.

Just because you have likes and dislikes - doesn't mean you're prejudiced for crying out like. I am attracted to certain things - and not attracted to others, that doesn't mean I am biased or prejudiced, it's just nature.

Being married directly affects your ability to have a full relationship with someone else. Having kids means that there is actually a real extra physical and emotional undertaking for any would-be partner.

Whatever age you are means nothing really. You will find out by talking to and observing someone, what age they really are with out having to refer to their latest birthday card.

Also, in fairness, i have to say her reason for breaking up sounds pretty superficial, like do you really want to be with someone because you, "fit the right profile"? It would insult me if I found out some girl liked me because I was the right age, had the right job, had the right social circles. This really explains my problem with relationships but I'm sticking by it. There's no point in being with someone who hasn't fallen for the real you to the extent that they don't even see the outside, inconsequential stuff like status, age, money, style.

In conclusion, stay away from shallow prejudice people or you'll be up **** creek. The best way to do that of course is to NOT lie.

Hallo World

Have to agree with Wibbs on that one.. if shes that willing to go off with a guy so soon after breaking up with ya, then fo'get it.... Obviously she cannot see what YOU have to offer HER..

at the same time, get yourself very very busy this weekend, get things organised with your mates, not necessarily drink related, go tire yourself out during the day, whatever you need to do to keep your mind busy so you are NOT thinking bout her out in a niteclub.. plus, stayin sober means ya can ignore any drunk txts that come in from her, whilst making sure you don't commit that sin!!

If ya do goto pub, leave the phone turned off at home.. its your worst enemy at the moment...

squonk

It's only 3 years! It's not liek he said he was 24 when he was 17 or 18 or soemthing! Ok, she's miffed about the age but if they were getting along OK for the past few weeks, then surely she should have taken a bit of time to think about things as well. I know she got hurt before but it's a new relationship. I feel sorry for the OP to be honest. I know he made his own bed but I think he's being treated harshly. If she's going to run away every time she hears something she doesn't like then she has a problem too. he's not cheating on her and seems fairly head over heels and surely she could tell that. He's not her ex.

Moomoo1

it's 2 years. By the way OP, did you tell about your age yourself, or did she find out?

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 wrote: »

it's 3 years. By the way OP, did you tell about your age yourself, or did she find out?

Well I have just turned 20 and she is turning 25 in December so 5 years. She found out off someone she knew who went to school with me. She asked me and I admitted it. She told me that after her ex broke up with her she went home and cried everyday for 3 months and she doesn't ever want to get that hurt again. The fact that he too lied about his age and was really 20 is scaring her as its almost an identical situation. I asked her to judge me on who I am not my age but shes scared. She said she was worried even when she thought I was 22 that I was too young. She said that if we stay together she will always be worried that I'll turn around a few years down the line when she is coming into her thirties and say ''you know what I want to experience other people'' and she says she just cant take that risk.
So I havent texted her at all since Wednesday night and other than her reply (which I posted here) she hasn't texted me which is a bit disappointing because I know if it wasn't for the advice posted here I would definitely ring her to try save this relationship. I really don't think I've ever been as sure as this that she is the one for me and I really can't stomach losing her because I was born 5 years before her. I can see the points she made and why shes scared but surely if I care about her then thats all that should matter.

squonk

yup, 2 years, my bad! That's a large gap I suppose alright but I still think she sounds a bit narrow minded. The obvious question is that if the OP was good enough to go out with at 22, how's he so wrong at 20 after a few weeks of actually going out? She sounds far too cagey and should have at least tried to discuss it more. Where does she draw the line though? Assuming the OP was 22 but lied because of some other reason (assuming he wanted to surprise her), is that a break up offence? By all means OP try to get her back but acknowledge too that you're probably better off without her.

Moomoo1

did you not point out that an older guy can make her feel that hurt again as well? That an older guy can also break up with her for similar reasons?

PS you were born 5 years after her, not 5 years before ;-).