I want my stuff back!

metaoblivia

So today, I had one of those awkward moments that lots of people dread. For a few weeks, I had been seeing a gentleman. Then last week, he called it off via e-mail, but asked that we still remain friends (apparently that's what he wanted from the beginning, he just got "carried away"). I told him I understood and declined his offer of friendship (as I always do in these situations), but there was one order of business to resolve; he celebrated his birthday recently, and I had made him a homemade cake. He still had my glassware that I brought the cake in. So I only asked that he please return my glassware and today he obliged me.

My friends, my mother, my coworkers were all very interested in how this was going to go down. Was he going to leave the glassware on my doorstep or was he going to ring the doorbell? And if he did ring the doorbell, would I ignore it, forcing him to leave the thing on my doorstep? Or would I answer and if I did, what would I say?

Well, kudos to him, he rang the doorbell. And I decided to be polite and answer it. I greeted him with a smile and a friendly hello, thanked him for returning the dish and for returning it in such good shape, said goodbye and went back inside. I didn't give him the chance to say anything, and he just sort of stood on my doorstep for a few seconds before walking back to his car.

So my question to the ladies lounge is, have you ever had to retrieve something from an ex? Any interesting, funny, or terribly awkward experiences? I think I got away pretty easy, all things considered!

Ouch

Professey Chin

Nope.Only thing an ex of mine has is one of my caps.
Doubt im ever gettin that back since shes had it a good 6 years now

edit: Wait a minute.She also has about 6 of my dvds and 2 hoodies.Im goin on the hunt for them tomorrow :mad:

minidazzler

Gotta say, well done Meta!!! You handled that Perfectly methinks!!!!

Only wanted to be friends???? Cop out!!!

Good on ya for telling him you weren't interested in being friends!!!

IrishSerf

If that glassware is clean and smells of Fairy Liquid, you may have lost a good 'un.

*runs*

The_Minister

minidazzler wrote: »

Gotta say, well done Meta!!! You handled that Perfectly methinks!!!!

Only wanted to be friends???? Cop out!!!

Good on ya for telling him you weren't interested in being friends!!!

Why is it a cop-out?

We know from the Ladies of the Ladies Lounge thread that she is very attractive, so if he dumped her it was most likely because he genuinely did not 'click' with her as a girlfriend, but may still have liked her as a person.
I can think of several examples where people were absolutely awful together, but were very good friends when they split up (this led one couple to keep getting together, implding horribly, then making up as friends and so on).
It is possible for ex's to be friends, especially if the break-up occurs as soon as one side realises that they want out.

I don't see any of his behaviour as being unreasonable

EDIT: The way the return of glassware was handled sounds masterful though. Polite, yet firm.

Nothingcompares

I owed my ex-girlfriend some money (:o:o:o:o:o:o) and it took me a few weeks to pay her back. Slightly embarrassing for everyone involved. At the very least I should have borrowed the money from elsewhere and given it back to her immediately.

I think you were a little rude (perhaps understandably). While your were polite and courteous in the literal sense, you did treat him like a fedex guy. It was only a few weeks don't see what you're so miffed about you couldn't stomach a conversation. I won't insult this thread with The Mourning Bride quote but ...

Crumble Froo

i remember one ex ringing to say that he was on his way over to my place with some of my stuff, me freaking out at hearing him on the phone, even more so that he was on his way over to mine, and making my friend talk to him and say that i wasnt around or something.

i still wonder what exactly i had left there, but anyway, i just felt physically ill at the thought of seeing him and panicked.

do have a friend who loaned this chick he was seeing (sorta long term, but on and off) a small tv, and after it ended badly (again), he mentioned that he sorta wanted that back. she left it on his doorstep in the rain when he was out.

Joey the lips

I have never been blessed with this awkard moment. Thank god. I dont own much that i would not leave her and we have kids so a break up would not be easy. I am very found of my drill(Typical man) which she paid for as a present but I could always hire another or buy another.

I agree with the poster that you handled the ex like a "Fed Ex" man which of course is an ex you were fed up with ( Yes i am leaving the room now)

Anyway thank god he did not drop it accidently as I doubt you would believe it and he would have no chance of ever being friends.

Best of luck and would love to try your cake. Perhaps you could send it by "Fed Ex" ( Oh jesus he is bad)

amz5

Ya, an ex of mine had my make-up and some nice bottles of wine I'd got abroad and some of my clothes. I refused to talk to him when he dumped me (we'd been going out a few years), so never got my stuff back...I had his lynx and hair-gel. Dumped them v quick, but I wished I got my stuff back but was too proud to demand it back.

sam34

i've never left much beyond toiletries and make up in a fella's house, so i wasnt bothered about retrieving them.

one ex of mine had left loads of stuff at my place, clothes, photos, DVDs, toiletries and some photos. i broke up with him and when he was leaving my place i said "you can take all your things with you" but he didnt reply, just stormed out.

i had said i wanted no further contact with him, and he was trying to maintain contact.
a week or two later i got a text saying he "urgently" needed his things and could i please tell him when would suit me for him to call. now, firstly, there was nothing there he could have needed urgently. secondly, i did not want him calling to my home again, so i said i would meet him somewhere public, i named a place, day and time. he replied this was not convienient and that he woudl be in touch again regarding this.

fast forward months, and im still storing this stuff for him. so i decided to take matters into my own hands - i texted saying i would be at a designated place at certain time on a certain day with his stuff ( i gave him plenty of notice) and that if he didnt turn up to collect it, i would dump it.

he never texted back and never showed up, so all his stuff went into the wheelie bin.

i reckon he didnt really care about his actual stuff, but was using it as a menas of keeoing things hanging over me, i was never sure if/when he'd decide to text again saying he wanted it. he was a very controlling man and he found it hard to accept that i had taken control and broken up with him.

G86

I had a messy break up back in March with a guy who turned out to be a compulsive liar. I left jewellery at his place though so I asked him to post it to me (definitely did not want to see him), so he said he'd do it that day. Nearly two weeks later it still hadn't arrived, I text him and he said he'd sent it and he'd check with the post office. I asked him if he was sure he put the right amount of stamps on it and he said he definitely did. I rang the sorting office and they said that even if he'd not paid the right amount that I should still get it eventually - a week later maybe. So I waited, and still nothing.

At this stage I was beginning to think maybe he never posted it, so my housemate offered to go out to the house with me to see if it was there, I didn't want to go out on my own. I text him (all this texting was because he wouldn't talk on the phone) and said I knew he had my stuff and I was on the way out to get it. And what do you know - he replied saying he was just after picking it up from the sorting office and was heading out but would leave it in his mams house next door house for me. I was bricking it that he might be there but my housemate stood outside the car to make sure all went ok when I walked up to the door. In the end his brother answered an handed me the envelope; there was NO address on it (a label had been torn off) and the date was the date before we broke up!!! So unless he was flipping pyschic (I broke up with him), he couldn't have posted it then.

He text me after to check if I picked it up but I never replied and that was that. I'd broken up with him because of his constant lying (e.g., his aunt had cancer, his gran died, his alcoholism, and about his job) so it just verified it for me when he continued it AFTER we'd broken up too! I actually posted about the whole situation at the time when I was trying to get my stuff back, and got some good advice which really helped, but can't find the thread at the mo.

A while later I got chatting to a friend of his on facebook who had never met me and he said if he had he would have warned me about him as he set him up with one of his friends before and he cheated on her, I wouldn't be surprised if that happened in my case too. Apparently all of his friends know what he's like, but they accept it as he's the lead singer in the band and they don't want friction in it as he has the final say. Obviously that's not working though as in the space of time I dated him, 2 members had to be replaced; apparently they left for 'personal reasons'.:rolleyes:

stovelid

If really liked somebody and that happened in the past, I just wussed out and left the items there.

Pherekydes

metaoblivia wrote: »

So my question to the ladies lounge is, have you ever had to retrieve something from an ex? Any interesting, funny, or terribly awkward experiences?

Child benefit book! I simply went to the Social Welfare and had her book cancelled. Then applied for a new one in my name.

Kudos to you, OP. It all sounded so civilised on both sides.

Madame Razz

Being a stuff happy sort I tend not to leave things behind. In previous relationships I would have just bought some basic toiletries etc to leave there and just come and gone with the rest of my stuff; or left it in the car.

I did take everything I had given an ex back off him before; but that was only because he beat me up and left me with permanent damage; and I did not see why his relationship legacy consisted of some very nice sh!t whilst mine consisted of an ugly mark I had to look at for the rest of my days(it's in a pretty prominent place). I found out recently that thanks to a new technique developed this year it can be fixed; but it'll take 5 pretty serious ops; so I still don't regret taking the stuff back from the bastard!

Anyway, on topic, yea, I'd just have the basics at their place, and if things went pear shaped I wouldn't be bothered about leaving them there.

Current OH was ridiculous tho; I think I had half of his stuff here ever before he properly moved in.

And I'm actually thinking that's what must be most awkward; like its well and good leaving some dvds or a plate; but a relationship ending with a live in partner; the stuff/moving out situation must be a nightmare!!

samhail

coincidently this was just posted this morning on the free section on adverts

http://www.adverts.ie/showproduct.php?product=160349

rannerap

ive lost many a possession to a break up:(still bitter about never getting my bass,my mini fridge or my signed tommy tiernan dvd back

djk1000

Got dumped by my girlfriend last week. i have a plant that she really loved and asked for back. I've stalled on returning it and I'm watching it die slowly as we speak Am I bitter???

Sleipnir

djk1000 wrote: »

Got dumped by my girlfriend last week. i have a plant that she really loved and asked for back. I've stalled on returning it and I'm watching it die slowly as we speak Am I bitter???

Add some roundup to water, water plant, return immediately.

Sleipnir

metaoblivia wrote: »

So today, I had one of those awkward moments that lots of people dread. For a few weeks, I had been seeing a gentleman. Then last week, he called it off via e-mail, but asked that we still remain friends (apparently that's what he wanted from the beginning, he just got "carried away"). I told him I understood and declined his offer of friendship (as I always do in these situations), but there was one order of business to resolve; he celebrated his birthday recently, and I had made him a homemade cake. He still had my glassware that I brought the cake in. So I only asked that he please return my glassware and today he obliged me.

My friends, my mother, my coworkers were all very interested in how this was going to go down. Was he going to leave the glassware on my doorstep or was he going to ring the doorbell? And if he did ring the doorbell, would I ignore it, forcing him to leave the thing on my doorstep? Or would I answer and if I did, what would I say?

Well, kudos to him, he rang the doorbell. And I decided to be polite and answer it. I greeted him with a smile and a friendly hello, thanked him for returning the dish and for returning it in such good shape, said goodbye and went back inside. I didn't give him the chance to say anything, and he just sort of stood on my doorstep for a few seconds before walking back to his car.

So my question to the ladies lounge is, have you ever had to retrieve something from an ex? Any interesting, funny, or terribly awkward experiences? I think I got away pretty easy, all things considered!

Personally, I think you're making more of this than he probably is.

Woman: Considers how this 'return of glassware' will go down.
Seeks advice and comment from friends, co-workers and mother.
Spends a large portion of the day thinking about what may happen.
Makes self up beautifully.
Decides (at the last minute, negating any and all advice received) that she will answer the door and be polite but curt.

Man: Decides he'd rather spend more time in the pub.
Girl calls and asks for return of glassware.
Man returns glassware.
Man seeks mates in pub.

Madame Razz

samhail wrote: »

coincidently this was just posted this morning on the free section on adverts

http://www.adverts.ie/showproduct.php?product=160349

Used tolietries???

*shudder*

Could she not just have put thme in the bin??? I'd get much more satisfaction by fcuking stuff like that in the bin...

4zn76tysfajdxp

metaoblivia wrote: »

I greeted him with a smile and a friendly hello, thanked him for returning the dish and for returning it in such good shape

So it was still round?

Cadiz

metaoblivia wrote: »

he called it off via e-mail

Good God how spineless.

My friend got his guitar back from his ex. When he opened the case it was in rather small pieces. But then they did break up because she bumped into him in the street one morning when he was strolling along hand in hand with another girl.

Midnight_EG

I've to collect a hoodie from an ex soon, medical reasons prevent it at the moment. Although her school is two mins from mine, so I'll drive down, me reckons she'll try something with me, knowing her. This has my GF very worried =[

Snowie

one of my x has a jumper she still wears ho technically ive got a wolly hat belonging to her so where quits ...

another x has a jumper and a dvd of my favourite windsurfing video

jellie

my ex owes me money. we broke up last year & he owed me 600 from a holiday. about 4/5months later i finally got it back. we've been in a weird not-really-a-relationship type of crap for the last 4 months or so which ended 2 weeks ago, during which time we went on holiday, and again the boy owes me money, 250euro. i have no doubt he will give it to me, i just dont wanna have to chase him for it or drag it out for another 4 months. i just text him 5 mins before i saw this thread asking what the story with the money is *sigh*

metaoblivia

Sleipnir wrote: »

Personally, I think you're making more of this than he probably is.

Woman: Considers how this 'return of glassware' will go down.
Seeks advice and comment from friends, co-workers and mother.
Spends a large portion of the day thinking about what may happen.
Makes self up beautifully.
Decides (at the last minute, negating any and all advice received) that she will answer the door and be polite but curt.

Man: Decides he'd rather spend more time in the pub.
Girl calls and asks for return of glassware.
Man returns glassware.
Man seeks mates in pub.

Oh no, it didn't go down that way at all. I just happened to tell my friends about the situation and they responded; I thought all of their comments were kind of funny. No one really gave any advice, just asked what I would do. I wasn't made up at all! No make up, sweatshirt, miss matching socks. The only piece of advice I did get, in fact, was to dress up and look hot. But it was Saturday and morning, cold, and I was cleaning. No way! And I always knew that if he answered the door, I would answer it.

Also, he's a non drinker and has no mates in my town (I'm about a 20 minute drive out of his way).

So it didn't quite go down that way!

Thanks to everyone for your responses!

Madame Razz

Cadiz wrote: »

Good God how spineless.

My friend got his guitar back from his ex. When he opened the case it was in rather small pieces. But then they did break up because she bumped into him in the street one morning when he was strolling along hand in hand with another girl.

:eek:

Madame Razz

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

one of my x has a jumper she still wears ho technically ive got a wolly hat belonging to her so where quits ...

another x has a jumper and a dvd of my favourite windsurfing video

Robby Nash??

ash23

My ex still has loads of my stuff. We owned a house and he still lives there so lots of mutually owned stuff was left behind.
A few things have cropped up over the years.
I bought a dryer a week before we split. I left it there as the rental I was moving into had one. But when I moved again I needed one so said I was taking my one. WW3 ensued :rolleyes: Apparantly we "both" owned it. But I paid for it I pointed out. Doesn't matter apparantly. But funny how he paid for the flat screen tv, the games consoles, the stereo system, the laptop, the Imac etc and he owns those! I ended up not needing the dryer but he still made me gime him the Wii back as "he paid for it".


Another time he dropped down a bag of stuff, maybe a month after we split. Full of old love letters I'd sent when we were having a LDR at the start. Ouch. That hurt like hell.

We now have a system. He gave me a key for his house. If I need stuff (lots of our daughters toys etc are still there as his place is bigger) I text him and ask can I get it and he says ok and I pick it up while he's at work.

Have to say, I'd be wary in the future of moving in with someone. The moving out part is a nightmare.

Nervous Wreck

I really hate the give-back/take-back.

Cadiz

Yeah I have opted for cutting my losses rather than slug it out over the spoils of war. But that's easier to do when it's dvds, etc. must be tough when it's a house or 100s of euros of its contents.

Nervous Wreck

I recently had to give my ex back a book belonging to her dad that she'd loaned to me. I left it in work for her. She was a horrible, lying bítch though so I left her DVD copy of "Liar Liar" on top of the book for her.

PCPhoto

have made attempts and downright asked an ex - if i can have some of the stuff back.

we were together for about a year, and its over a little over a year and I still havent gotten my stuff back:

simple things like a blanket (cost over €200), full body beach towel and mini radio/cd player/radio thing....funny thing is she only got the stuff AFTER we broke up - I agreed to try remain friends.

havent actually seen her since Sept and have had 1 or 2 sentence conversations online.

Previous relationships - never a problem - usually remain friends with EXs

Lollipops23

Oooh i had this with my ex, he left tons of stuff at mine. I really didn't want them at mine, it was a pretty painful break up and didn't need reminders. In the end he folded and took them (it was mainly clothes that I had "borrowed")

pookie82

Can only think of one instance of breaking-up-and-getting-stuff-back-to-someone. Well, it was more a case of me deciding after a row (because he had been a complete sh*t) that I was clearing out any trace of my other half from my life, so I got a bin bag, stuffed in every last item that could possibly be traced back to him, drove to his house, rang his door bell, when he opened the door I hurled the bag as far as I could down the hallway, slapped him across the face and drove off.

Funnily enough we're actually still together.

I probably shouldn't have slapped him.

Abi

pookie82 wrote: »

Can only think of one instance of breaking-up-and-getting-stuff-back-to-someone. Well, it was more a case of me deciding after a row (because he had been a complete sh*t) that I was clearing out any trace of my other half from my life, so I got a bin bag, stuffed in every last item that could possibly be traced back to him, drove to his house, rang his door bell, when he opened the door I hurled the bag as far as I could down the hallway, slapped him across the face and drove off.

Funnily enough we're actually still together.

Now that made me laugh :pac:

I probably shouldn't have slapped him.

I wouldn't promote it, but few haven't been on the receiving end of one at this point



I dunno. I guess everyone deals with things in their own way, but I'm still in contact with guys I've had relationships with before. I've learned something new with each one, not just about men but about myself and what I want and need for myself. I'm grateful for that, and for the friendship I have with them now. A guy will always tell you if you look good too, bless 'em

Men are great, aren't they? :pac:

minidazzler

Abigayle wrote: »

Now that made me laugh :pac:


I wouldn't promote it, but few haven't been on the receiving end of one at this point

Men are great, aren't they? :pac:

Some are...I am, some not so much :P

Now women.....they rule!!!

pikachucheeks

The only thing I've ever asked for back from a guy I was involved with was ... a tiny plastic cow

I was quite sentimental about it, as a friend had bought it for me, as a joke present. When we were seventeen, this guy I was seeing and I used to take it in turns to have the cow, as he lived in Dublin and I lived in Cork. It was like joined custody ... it somehow bonded us when we were apart.

When things ended, I met up with him to get the cow back... It probably cost about a euro, but I couldn't let it go!

I feel like such an idiot for sharing that! :P

If I was dating someone and the relationship ended, I'd ask for stuff back if I wanted it back, within reason. I wouldn't ask for gifts I'd bought them to be returned or anything like that, just things of mine I'd left at theirs etc...

I'd be more than willing to return stuff to them as well. If their things were left around my place, I'd have constant reminders of them - that's not exactly going to help me to get over them.

Although returning possessions is often awkward and uncomfortable, I think it does help give closure to a relationship, which enables both people to move on.

Creamy Goodness

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I recently had to give my ex back a book belonging to her dad that she'd loaned to me. I left it in work for her. She was a horrible, lying bítch though so I left her DVD copy of "Liar Liar" on top of the book for her.

remind me to shake your hand the next time i see you!

Notorious

After we broke up, an ex tried to give me back a 3/4 full bottle of perfume I had bought her. I could never understand the logic behind that?

Bubblefett

After i broke up with my ex, i got a series of abusive texts, calls, emails demanding his stuff back (which consisted of exatly: 1 hoodie, 1 hat and 2 Battlestar Galactica dvds :rolleyes:)
I work in a local store so I left them there for him to collect (all the staff there were very good friends to me and had met the guy and knew what an a** he was, so were happy to help).
Didn't have to see him again and he got his precious dvds back... sigh...

Novella

When I was about sixteen, myself and my first ever boyfriend, also my first ever everything, broke up. We'd went out for two years and had been infatuated with each other so the break up was pretty nasty.

He asked me to call over to his house and return anything I had of his and pick up whatever he had that was mine.

For our first Valentine's day together, he had bought me a gift which was two teddy bears hugging, each holding a heart shaped cushion. One cushion said "Forever" and the other said "Yours".

We decided that since we'd broken up, the teddies should break up too so we pulled 'em apart. I got the "Forever" teddy and he got the "Yours" one. The two of us ended up crying our eyes out and we lay curled around each other crying for hours and hours 'til my mam came to pick me up!!!

I still have the half teddy bear now, hidden away in a box in my room!

ash23

Ah, just had a flashback to my first serious boyfriend!

He dumped me one night (because I forgot to call him!). I was devestated. I heard a few weeks later that he had been cheating with a girl we both knew! Baxtard.

So he called me and asked could he call over for some stuff he'd left at mine. Couple of cds and a hoodie. I arranged to meet him in town and gave him the stuff, plus the gold bracelet he bought me for my 18th a few weeks before.
He said "aw, ash, don't give me this, I don't want it, I got it for you"

I replied "no, I don't want it anymore"

Him "but sure, I've no use for it"

Me "give it to xxxx so" while chucking my full pint of miwadi blackcurrant all down his cream shirt

Then I ran away before he had the chance to reply!


He did ring me later to apologise, admitted cheating and asked if I wanted to get back together. Men! :rolleyes:

shellyboo

I had a fairly nasty breakup with my first bf, we'd been going out years and were living together. We were students, so the apartment was half-furnished with stolen items from college skips :P One of these items was a coffee table.

When I moved out, I took the coffee table to my new place, where I lived with mutual friends of ours. He took my parents' massive TV, since I had no use for it.

Fast forward two years of nastiness and hassle between us - I decide it's best to cut contact completely. This does not go down well, we still aren't speaking, actually. Anyway, a week later, he turns up at the house and takes the coffee table, because he "needs it" :rolleyes:

Funny in hindsight though.

JennyAnt

When I decided that it was no longer working with my ex, I did probably quite an underhand thing.....
From about a week before I started taking my stuff outta his apartment in small doses, my toiletries one day, clothing the next, docking station, a few nice dishes I had bought. My digital camera. Dvds. Cds. You think he'd a copped what was bout to happen when he caught me unplugging the DVD player....
Anyway, had a face to face with him, and he was crushed. Then got abusive text messages about 'robbing' him - I had paid for all that stuff! He got nasty, acusing me of cheating etc, so I think it was a good thing I didnt have to contact him about getting my stuff back!!

Partizan

I had a messy break up with an ex around this time last year. I was with her for over 2 years and I loved her. She dumped me by text after treating me like **** over a period of a month, saying that she was with friends when I knew in the back of my mind that she was cheating. I sked her straight out but never admitted it. I asked her to meet up and talk but told me to get lost and she never wanted to see me again. I was angry and pissed off so I decided to ask for the earrings (that I gave her for her birthday) and necklace (Valentines Day) back. She did but got her to call me and abuse me on the phone calling me a lowlife. Her friend handed them back to me. Now usually I would never do something like that but the horrible way I was treated made me think twice.

If there is any justice, i hope karma bites her in the ass.