Men and women crying

Orla K

After having a hormone filled tear soaked day, I got thinking about guys reaction to women crying. Some are great but most (or at least most of the ones I know) seem to complely panic and have no idea what to do, the brave ones might lean in a little(normally out of arms reach) and say in a low timid voice "Are you alright?"

I have found only the ones that know me well and with long term girlfriends have a clue what to do.

Just wondering what others experience with this is.

minidazzler

I'm terrible at it, I admit it!!! I am good at comforting people, but I still panic on the inside!!

Dudess

I do a runner to the bathroom if I'm starting to cry, but if I didn't make it, I'd prefer a guy whom I don't know to just ask if I was ok rather than make a song and dance about it.

Orla K

minidazzler wrote: »

I'm terrible at it, I admit it!!! I am good at comforting people, but I still panic on the inside!!

You can't be as bad as my friend that gets a stutter when he tries. He's normally very confident but he hasn't a clue about women and he knows it. (I always try make him stutter, it's just so cute and funny)

Cupcake_Crisis

I think guys reactions to crying women are really cute! The best i ever had was when i was still in school. I was having a really horrible, hormonal day so during lunch i found an empty class and just sat and cried. My boyfriend at the time found me, walked into the room, took one look at me and walked straight back out. 2 minutes later he rang me to ask what he had done. I thought it was really sweet and when i told him he was innocent he came and gave me a nice cuddle

sky88

im terrible when i see anyone crying i try to talk to them and make them feel better but usally say something stupid and make it worse i dont mean im just useless with it

Snowie

i used to be ughhhhh i dunno what to do

Now d just walk over if I new here and Id giver her a big HUG....

People cry just like peopel laugh.. doesnt bother me

magicianz

I give them one of my amazing hugs until they stop full on crying and then sit next to her with my arm around her with her head on my shoulder and we talk it out :-D

Cupcake_Crisis

magicianz wrote: »

I give them one of my amazing hugs until they stop full on crying and then sit next to her with my arm around her with her head on my shoulder and we talk it out :-D

Where were you earlier today when i needed a hug :mad:

Abi

I'm very capable of comforting someone who is upset, but often words aren't enough, and they just need to cry it out. Ever notice how someone seems a bit freaked about something, and the second you pull them towards you, the tears flood? I've heard a lot of people say they always feel better after a good cry. I wish I was as lucky tbh, I just cant seem to do it, if something upsets me I have a kind of out-of-body experience / go on auto-pilot (if it makes sense). Not good I know =/

I haven't come across a lot of guys that cry, and some are odd when they do. If they let go for a moment, they don't like that side to be seen. A defense mechanism I suppose.

magicianz

In school and Grinds and probably a different county :-P but if your ever in cork i promise you a hug :-P *hugs*


Seriously guys its not that hard! Get over the whole 'i am man, me no have emotions!' and just listen for once :mad:

Cupcake_Crisis

Excuses, excuses!!

Dudess

Guys I'm somewhat friendly with at least: a hug/chat is wonderful.

Guys I don't know other than to see/say hello to (e.g. at work): "Are you ok?" will suffice.

magicianz

Most guys would never admit to crying because the dont see it as manly or macho or whatever but i just find that stupid! Its the whole male dominance thing that is oh so stupid. I have no problem admiting i have cried/do cry because at the end of the day its better out than in.

I hate seeing girls cry especially the really nice ones! You just want to go over and take care of them :-(

Cupcake i may not be able to give you hugs but my inbox is open if you need to talk to someone :-)

Raze_them_all

I don't panic when girls cry,it just makes me uncomfortable, So when a girl is crying I very calmly walk away.

Thomas828

I came across a female colleague crying at work once. Comforting a woman in tears was quite new to me but I did listen to her - she had just been chewed up and spat out by the obnoxious manager - and I offered her a hanky. She still remembers that act of kindness today.

Nervous Wreck

I start with a very warm hug and, from there, go in whatever direction deemed appropriate by the situation and the girl at hand.

shellyboo

I think asking someone who's crying "are you ok" is beyond ridiculous. Clearly they're not ok... they're crying.

People who don't know what to do/say when someone's crying don't bother me... some people though get quite angry if you cry, they see it as a manipulative tactic of some sort, and that bothers me. I cry fairly easily, and I hate it - I'd love to be more in control of my emotions becauce crying can undermine your point and make you look weak - I'd never do it on purpose to make someone feel bad.

metrovelvet

I believe women have more tear ducts so we are more prone to crying. Its not as easy for women to control it.

LadyE

My boyfriend is great when Im upset, seems to just know when I need a cuddle or when I want to be left alone to cry it out.

Could be just pure luck on his part tho :pac: I hate people seeing me very upset (a sobbing mess), it makes me feel weak and Id rather ride it out myself

Dudess

shellyboo wrote: »

I think asking someone who's crying "are you ok" is beyond ridiculous. Clearly they're not ok... they're crying.

It's just a figure of speech though - more implying "what's up?" than literal.

shellyboo

Dudess wrote: »

It's just a figure of speech though - more implying "what's up?" than literal.

It just makes me bristle. I feel like sniping back, "Yes... I'm crying for no reason whatsoever". But I'm a snarky cow

EL_Loco

I used to work with a girl who would cry, not easily as such, but it wasn't uncommon. There were only 2 of us in the dept.

We had a 3rd person join us. I used to try and carry on as normal because she actually didn't like the fact she would cry. So anyway, she's crying whilst asking me to take up some of her work, I didn't acknowledge the fact she was crying and just carried on. I think the new guy thought I was the biggest b@stard ever for being so dead pan. But as a few ladies have said already, they don't do it for attention.

Lockstep

Mine is probably a fairly guy reaction; if I know them well enough I sorta awkwardly hug them (I have no idea how to react when someone is crying)

Oh The Humanity

Abigayle wrote: »

I've heard a lot of people say they always feel better after a good cry. I wish I was as lucky tbh, I just cant seem to do it, if something upsets me I have a kind of out-of-body experience / go on auto-pilot (if it makes sense). Not good I know =/

Hey Abigayle, I have the exact same thing. I don't cry at all either. Like that too I would just go on auto pilot too. A while ago I saw another thread similar to this and it got me thinking about it, I don't know why I don't cry, but I just can't. I dont get any brain signals to tell me to do that.

I hear people talking about the release etc So do you think it is damaging to us? And does it mean there is something 'wrong' or 'disfunctional' with us or is it just another human difference?

mudokon

A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.' The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a Woman truly happy.'

The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge

Faith

shellyboo wrote: »

People who don't know what to do/say when someone's crying don't bother me... some people though get quite angry if you cry, they see it as a manipulative tactic of some sort, and that bothers me. I cry fairly easily, and I hate it - I'd love to be more in control of my emotions becauce crying can undermine your point and make you look weak - I'd never do it on purpose to make someone feel bad.

I often cry during arguments, and I hate it. I've no control over it, I can't stop it, it just happens. The only guy I ever cry in front of is my OH, and that's usually during a fight. It always makes him stop and apologise which actually annoys me too. I was upset/angry about the issue before - just because I've started to cry doesn't mean anything has changed. If he's willing to apologise and listen to me because I'm crying, why can't he do that when I'm not crying?

Apart from that, I think I'd just like a good hug when I'm upset. I want to be held and allowed to cry it out, like my mum would do when I was younger. I don't like being asked what's wrong. If I'm upset enough to cry, I don't really want to talk about it!

IvyTheTerrible

I usually cry at home. I've only once been so upset at work that I needed to cry, but I waited til I got to the bathroom. i don't like crying in work situations. And when I cry I need to be able to cry it all out.

The only time I saw my OH cry was when I was upset about something pretty important recently and he got upset.

jellie

If im crying around a friend/bf then yes i want a big hug to comfort me.

If i was crying and a male colleague or stranger attempted to hug me id be pretty much "WTF".

I think the funniest reaction ive got is if my brothers ever see me crying - its only ever happened once or twice - they pretty much just avoid me completely.

As for people asking "are you ok?" - sometimes its comforting, and id reply "yeah ill be grand in a minute". unless im really pissed off then im more likely to reply "no, do i LOOK ok?!"

I get really emotional during PMS and anything can set off the tears. I also generally get really emotional if im arguing with a bf and ill be crying before i know it, its not something i can control as much as I try. My ex thought i was just putting it on half the time :rolleyes: when in fact it was the complete opposite - if were having an argument the LAST thing i wanted to do was cry :rolleyes:

Hrududu

I believe women have more tear ducts so we are more prone to crying. Its not as easy for women to control it.

What?

I really don't understand people crying in public, especially at work. I'm a girl and really don't get the mindset of someone who thinks its acceptable to first burst into tears in a work environment, and second to snap at some poor sod that asks her if she's alright. And nothing gets my back up more than people excusing behaviour by saying things like "Oh I'm a woman, I can't control these things."

jellie

Hrududu wrote: »

What?

I really don't understand people crying in public, especially at work. I'm a girl and really don't get the mindset of someone who thinks its acceptable to first burst into tears in a work environment, and second to snap at some poor sod that asks her if she's alright. And nothing gets my back up more than people excusing behaviour by saying things like "Oh I'm a woman, I can't control these things."

Sometimes you genuinely cant control them. well i cant anyway. I have never actually cried in work but i have come DAMN close. High stress and anger mixed with PMS is not a good combination. I will admit to having tears in my eyes dealing with some assholes but I have never cried. If ive felt close I have stepped out of the room or gone to the toilet. (I deal with all the crap through my computer anyway so i wouldnt be crying to the person p*ssing me off, but the people in the office would see me)

shellyboo

Hrududu wrote: »

What?

I really don't understand people crying in public, especially at work. I'm a girl and really don't get the mindset of someone who thinks its acceptable to first burst into tears in a work environment, and second to snap at some poor sod that asks her if she's alright. And nothing gets my back up more than people excusing behaviour by saying things like "Oh I'm a woman, I can't control these things."

I've cried at work twice in my life. It's absolutely not something I, personally, can control... I have no idea if that's related to my gender or my personality or neither. If I could stop myself crying, I would. I get that those who are not prone to crying can't understand WHY others cry easily... but like, we're not doing it for the good of our health. It just happens.

Dudess

Hrududu wrote: »

What?

I really don't understand people crying in public, especially at work. I'm a girl and really don't get the mindset of someone who thinks its acceptable to first burst into tears in a work environment, and second to snap at some poor sod that asks her if she's alright. And nothing gets my back up more than people excusing behaviour by saying things like "Oh I'm a woman, I can't control these things."

I'd be mortified if I cried in public, but there's a difference between feeling the tears coming on and doing a runner only to be spotted crying anyway... and just bursting into tears at your desk.

Gyalist

kickoutthejams wrote: »

Mine is probably a fairly guy reaction; if I know them well enough I sorta awkwardly hug them (I have no idea how to react when someone is crying)

When I was much younger an older man whose views I respect greatly told me that "when women cry, you'd better hold your wallet tighter." There are very few situations where a crying woman cannot be mollified by retail therapy, preferably at your expense.

994

Cupcake_Crisis wrote: »

I think guys reactions to crying women are really cute! The best i ever had was when i was still in school. I was having a really horrible, hormonal day so during lunch i found an empty class and just sat and cried. My boyfriend at the time found me, walked into the room, took one look at me and walked straight back out. 2 minutes later he rang me to ask what he had done. I thought it was really sweet and when i told him he was innocent he came and gave me a nice cuddle

What's sweet about having a boyfriend who's afraid of you? I can't imagine a man saying "Oh I was so pissed off, my wife took one look at me and left the room and called me to ask how she had displeased me. I told her she was innocent and she came in and we cuddled. Isn't she the sweetest?"

Silverfish

I agree, there'd be a bit of a difference with a man and wife rather than two schoolkids like the op and her boyfriend were.

I don't think it was so much that he was afraid of her, but that he was afraid of the tears, as a lot of teenaged boys are.

Still, can we not turn this into a men vs women debate.

Abi

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Hey Abigayle, I have the exact same thing. I don't cry at all either. Like that too I would just go on auto pilot too. A while ago I saw another thread similar to this and it got me thinking about it, I don't know why I don't cry, but I just can't. I dont get any brain signals to tell me to do that.

Think I know the one you mean, I posted in the one too. Said pretty much what I've said in here, I'm just not a cryer. I don't think theres anything shameful or bad about crying. And I'm not a heartless person. But the only time you see the tears flowing is if I'm cutting a fresh onion

I hear people talking about the release etc So do you think it is damaging to us? And does it mean there is something 'wrong' or 'disfunctional' with us or is it just another human difference?

I don't think its doing me any damage, but I have wondered what others think of my reactions to upsetting news. If I get any kind of bad news I'd think about it for a little while alright, but I always end up taking practical approaches to problems.

If a relationship was in trouble I wouldn't cry over it, I'd sever it and move on. If a family member (touching wood here) was to die, I'm the one rallying around to see if everyone else is ok and bringing food to their houses. I don't think theres anything disfunctional about us, we just deal with things differently. I'm not a hard-woman, I think I'm just hardy.. does that make sense?

Either that, or we're just a pair of fembots

Messerschmitt

My response has always been a spot of humor. Don't know if that works but I can't imagine walking away from someone who is really upset (unless there are other people tending to them). The hardest thing is judging whether or not people actually want your sympathy. A number of members have noted that they would be mortified to be cry in public, some people would probably prefer if you just pretended you didn't see the tears.

MizzLolly

It really annoys me when women do that public, crying, hormonal thing.

Obviously if you're talkin' a bereavement, breakup etc then it's totally understandable but I've noticed so many young ones lately balling their eyes out in clubs and pubs and waiting to be comforted by people. I find it really odd.

If I'm in that state of mind I don't go out and about. I stay in and mind myself until I can stand in the public eye without whinging at strangers! I'm sorry but I just find it a tad immature and can see no other reason than attention seeking.

That's not to say I haven't cried in public, jeeez I cried my eyes out after been dumped before but I got myself home quickly so I could do my crying on my own. I cried my eyes out in work before aswell and rather than having all my colleagues see and worry I asked a supervisor if I could leave for a few mins and came back and was okay. I'd never expect to be comforted for a crying outburst like that unless I genuinely had a massive reason to be crying in the first place. I find women crying in public and talking about hormones etc absolutely mental!




*just to add, I'm not a heartless bitch, I realise some people are under pressure and can't help it. I'm usually the one that does the comforting and I'm happy to do it, I'm talking more about the hormonal teary eyes over a paper cut or a spilled cup of coffee etc.

Sorry!

Alarums

Faith wrote: »

I often cry during arguments, and I hate it. I've no control over it, I can't stop it, it just happens. The only guy I ever cry in front of is my OH, and that's usually during a fight. It always makes him stop and apologise which actually annoys me too. I was upset/angry about the issue before - just because I've started to cry doesn't mean anything has changed. If he's willing to apologise and listen to me because I'm crying, why can't he do that when I'm not crying?

A lot of men can't handle seeing their wives or girlfriends crying. They will apologise and accept responsibility even if they don't truly feel they were in the wrong, just to stop the crying. This could be why some men feel that crying is manipulative. In my opinion, it is unfair to think that way, as a lot of the time when it happens, women cannot control it.

Orla K

MizzLolly wrote: »

I'm talking more about the hormonal teary eyes over a paper cut or a spilled cup of coffee etc.

Sorry!

That would be me, when I'm hormonal I will cry if I'm happy, sad, angry, disapointed, confused, worried, surprised, or any sudden emotion I didn't expect or even any sudden action I didn't expect. I just can't help it and to make it worse it normally comes on strong and fast, sometimes I even have to be told I'm crying before I realise (which happened a few days ago and 2/3 people made a big fuss, it was horrible)

Normally little things will set me off thinking about bigger things.

Just remembered I also did the sitting in a pub being crying/almost crying but at the time I had no where to go so decided to have a quite drink by myself and calm down.

BroomBurner

I don't really understand the crying in public thing either. Had one person cry in front of me before, but that was a purely manipulative thing on their part (that didn't work, owing to my heart of stone).

As a woman, I probably don't react to crying in any kind of emotive/sensitive way, would depend on who it was, and their reason. Otherwise, take your crying elsewhere!

iguana

When my husband and I were dating for 4 weeks my mobile was stolen. It was at the end of a very long week, where I had had very little sleep and my phone had numbers stored in it which were contacts for a friend of a friend who was in a war zone. I burst into tears and I just couldn't stop, he took my in his arms until I got it all out. He told me sometime later that was the moment he knew he loved me.

anonymous_joe

MizzLolly wrote: »

It really annoys me when women do that public, crying, hormonal thing.

Obviously if you're talkin' a bereavement, breakup etc then it's totally understandable but I've noticed so many young ones lately balling their eyes out in clubs and pubs and waiting to be comforted by people. I find it really odd.

If I'm in that state of mind I don't go out and about. I stay in and mind myself until I can stand in the public eye without whinging at strangers! I'm sorry but I just find it a tad immature and can see no other reason than attention seeking.

That's not to say I haven't cried in public, jeeez I cried my eyes out after been dumped before but I got myself home quickly so I could do my crying on my own. I cried my eyes out in work before aswell and rather than having all my colleagues see and worry I asked a supervisor if I could leave for a few mins and came back and was okay. I'd never expect to be comforted for a crying outburst like that unless I genuinely had a massive reason to be crying in the first place. I find women crying in public and talking about hormones etc absolutely mental!




*just to add, I'm not a heartless bitch, I realise some people are under pressure and can't help it. I'm usually the one that does the comforting and I'm happy to do it, I'm talking more about the hormonal teary eyes over a paper cut or a spilled cup of coffee etc.

Sorry!

Some people love attention.

Especially if it results in some lad being chivalrous, etc.

nkay1985

shellyboo wrote: »

It just makes me bristle. I feel like sniping back, "Yes... I'm crying for no reason whatsoever". But I'm a snarky cow

Hmmm, are you my fiancée by any chance?

Over the years I've always had a very good read on my various female friends and been able to act accordingly.

I know my fiancée doesn't want me fawning over her so I don't.

Some of my other friends were always quite happy to have a hug and a cry and talk it out through the sobs and tears.

It never bothered me but I think the OP got it completely right that guys in long-term relationships and/or with a good number of female friends cope better with it because we're just more used to it, I guess!

stovelid

I just say pull yourself together, before loosening my tie and pouring a scotch.

RacoonQueen

I'm a girl and I don't know what to do when other girls cry. :pac: