Want a baby so bad

LegacyUser

Hi, I know this may be stange but hey this is the forum to do it so I'm just gonna leap right in there. Basically for a while now I've really been thinking about what it would be like if i had a baby. And I really really want to have a child of my own. I'm 18, single, in college and working part time. I'm finding college really tough (but enjoyable all the same) and it gets so hard I sometimes would prefer to drop out and work full time. (I love my job also)

I know this sounds crazy but I want a baby right now..I love kids and everytime I meet parents with children it just makes this urge even stronger. I'm so lonely at home and I think about what my life would be if I had a child around to take care of. I know kids are incredibly hard work but I would rather have a chaotic home with a child running around playing than an empty house with me by myself all night. I feel I'm ready to have a child so thats that bit taken care of. Obviously money would be a problem but I could quit college and work full time and raise a bit of money. I'm sure my parents would support me also.

As I said I don't have a boyfriend..and I don't want to do a one night stand. I'm actually a virgin too. Is there sperm clinics where I can get impregnated from sperm donors?

Basically just looking for advice from this...am I crazy to be thinking of this?

Novella

You are not crazy to be thinking like this, it happens to a lot of people but be sensible. Why bring a baby into the world that you can't even afford to support? You know yourself that even if you did work full time, having a baby would be a HUGE financial strain. You even suggest having your parents helping you out. Do you really think that is something they want? If you sat them down and said, "I'm planning on having a baby but need your help", would they really reply, "Great, that is just what we want!"?!

You're eighteen. You are so young. You shouldn't place such a huge burden on yourself at this age. You also shouldn't place it on your parents. You need to think about this more thoroughly. What kind of a life could you offer a baby now and say, in ten years time?

I can guarantee you'd be better set for bringing a baby into the world in ten years than you are now. You'd be more mature, for a start. You are single now. Why not wait until you meet someone with whom you want to start a family so your baby can have two parents? (I am not saying there is anything wrong with single parents families btw.) Finish your degree, get a job and be more financially stable. You will be able to offer a child more then.

I got pregnant when I was seventeen and before doing the pregnancy test, I thought to myself, "Ah, a baby would be nice, I could dress it up in cute clothes and I'd be so happy" etc. When that pregnancy test turned positive, I cried and cried for hours. I was never so scared in my whole life. I wasn't thinking, "Great, I'm a college first year with virtually no money but hey, I'll drop out and work for a few months until I physically can't anymore". I thought, "What have I done? My life is over. I'll have to drop out and depend on my parents to support both me and my baby".

I just have to warn you that getting pregnant at a young age is the most unbelievably terrifying thing and while it can seem like a nice idea when you're just thinking about it, when it happens, it is so different. You see things in a new light. I know everyone says they wouldn't swap their babies for anything and while that is true, you are not pregnant yet, you have a choice. You can wait. You can finish college, spend all your money from your job on yourself, go out whenever you feel like it etc etc.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to have a baby when you are young, or even having a baby young but realistically, you're not in a position to support one given you only have a part time job. Also, I don't even know if there is anywhere who would consider helping you get pregnant considering your age.

I'm sorry if you wanted to hear differently.

Darthhoob

i agree with novella. i had a baby at 19, ended up a single mum. i had intentions of working but i couldn't do it (for various reasons) for a while so relied on benefits untill my son went to nursery. i was at college and had a job when i got pregnant....i had to quit college and work practically bullied me for being pregnant so i left there. all my mates were going out and although i never did like clubbing etc...i did miss the social side of things. i hardly ever go out now, not since i had kids. when i can afford it i dont have the time, when i have the time i can't afford it.
who will look after the baby when you are working full time? i am not one of these people who think a mum should stay at home when she has kids but you will need to for a while at least. what is the point in having a child to love if all you are going to do is work to keep things afloat? you cannot expect your parents to babysit everyday or supplement you money.
also...do be prepared for the chance that your baby could be disabled in some way...not saying it will be (obviously) but it's something you maybe should think about. my son has Asperger's syndrome and although he was EASY as a baby (he never wanted my attention unless he was hungry) he is making up for it now at 7 years of age. i have a partner now...who is brilliant with him, but it's still REALLY hard work...more so than a 'normal' child. if you are going to be a single mum would you cope?

however i dont think you are strange! many women want a kid at about your age or younger, but that's what YOU want...not your parents and it may not be fair to the baby yet. you have PLENTY of time, dont wish your life away so quickly , it is also worth noting that PND is more likely in younger mothers, especially those who are single....that can affect you and baby in a big way.

as much as i LOVE and adore my eldest..i do 'wish' i had him later in life...after college and in a relationship and some money behind me etcetcetc.

Fysh

I would be wary of deciding to have a baby to alleviate loneliness at home - it would be a huge impact on your life that will very likely have ramifications that you can't foresee now, particularly if you already know you would struggle to provide for yourself and a child.

It might be worth investigating getting a pet cat or dog - they are great companions which would help with the loneliness at home, and would be a good introduction to the kind of lifestyle changes you will face when you're responsible for another living creature.

ash23

You want a baby because you are lonely. And while a baby is a wonderful wonderful thing, it will not alleviate your loneliness. In fact it will probably isolate you more for the first few years.

I got pregnant at 19. Its tough. Really tough. And I had good family support. But the first 2 years are still a blur. I adored my daughter but the loneliness was so hard. My mates were out living their lives and I was chained to the house. I remember when my daughter was a couple of weeks old I was at home alone and needed a shower in order to go and get milk for her. But she wouldn't sleep, was just crying and crying. I had to bring her into the bathroom in her car seat and leave her on the floor. She cried and cried and I was in the shower roaring my eyes out.
I think I cried as much as she did the first few months

She's nearly 7 now and she's great company and I adore her. But it's only the last year or so that I feel I am me again. I have friends again and a life again. I have a friend who had her children aged 18 and 20 and she feels the same (they're now 7 and 5).


Wait a while, work on yourself and your social life first. See how you feel once you have a more fulfilling life.

You also need to bear in mind (and this is coming from someone who hasn't seen their childs father since she was pregnant) that it is best for child to know who their dad is. As my daughter gets older she has a lot of questions about her biological father that I simply can't answer. I can only imagine the curiosity will increase as she gets older.
If you have a child with a sperm donor then you will have to answer all those questions, and more, when your child is older and deal with any implications this may bring. Your child may be angry with you that they do not have a dad or even the chance of contacting their father until they are 18.

Please wait a while. Go travelling, live life. Kids are great but essentially once you have them, your life and your decisions are about them. Every decision you make is about them. From what to have for dinner to whether you can have a shower and get dressed. And when they get older life revolves around them and school and their friends.
It's not easy. Not easy at all.

but I would rather have a chaotic home with a child running around playing than an empty house with me by myself all night

Just wanted to add, this line got me as that is what I do. I work all day, come home at 5, spend a couple of hours with y daughter and she goes to bed at 8pm and thats it for me. I'm stuck. Sitting in on my own, every evening. Can't go anywhere as she is in bed, my friends all have kids so they can't call over. She used to go to bed at 7pm so the evenings were even longer. Like I said, having kids won't end the loneliness you have, it may just make it worse.

santana75

I think you're looking for answers in all the wrong places. I know youre lonely and I understand that but having a baby is not the cure for loneliness. The reasons why you feel alone will always be there even with the care of a child to distract you, they'll be festering beneath the surface. I mean you could have a baby but eventually that child will grow up and leave you. I know that would be many years down the road but when it does happen the reasons for your original loneliness would re-emerge, you'd be back to square one.
I just think it would be best to deal with the real reasons why you feel lonely now before you start having children. So that when you do eventually have kids it'll be for the right reasons and not just so they can protect you against feeling alone.
I think you need to develop more self-awareness so that you can find out whats really going on. Feelings of loneliness, from my experience, are more about a disconnection from yourself as opposed to a lack of something or someone external.

PhysiologyRocks

This may not apply to you at all, but many people who want a baby want just that - a baby.

That baby will someday be a teenager, and then an adult. As people grow up, they all make mistakes, they all disappoint in some way or form. They have difficulties, and problems. Many don't look to their parents for help, some just refuse to take advice at all! People sometimes value very different things from their parents. This may not be a problem for the family, but could be.

Children get sick, and they get injured. Some get bullied at school. Some are the bullies at school.

Without financial stability, it would be very easy to get trapped in debt. Childcare costs. Even publicly run schools cost. Groceries cost more. You most likely will need the phone more, and bills rise. Electricity costs will most likely increase, and what if they introduce water fees?

If you wanted to go back to college later, that would be very difficult with a child, and no partner. Even if you finish your degree now with the aim of procreation afterwards, you give the potential child a better chance.

And finally, a one-night-stand without protection is really a very bad idea. You don't know where someone has been before.

DarkJager

Whatever you do, do not have a one night stand in the hope of getting pregnant. It's not fair on the guy (being dragged into fatherhood without any want of it), and it won't be fair on the child when he/she asks why Daddy ain't around.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone. Thanks for all the advice.

I do realise that a baby is hard work. I know I'm only 18 but I feel like I've been at least 18 for years now...as in, I'm a lot more mature than people my age and everybody says that about me. I don't expect it to be a walk in the park where I play with the kid for a few hours and then somebody else does the feeding/changing nappys/getting it to sleep etc. I know it will be tough and it will be challenging. I have a friend a few years older than me who got pregnant at 18 so I've heard a lot of whats been said here already - I don't think I'm naive or under informed.

However I do realise that money is a problem. I'm not rich but we're not broke at the moment (yet!) but I guess it isn't fair on my parents to support me (even though I would try support myself too). However if it was an unplanned pregnancy they would support me indefinitely.

And regarding the pet - lol! Pets are very different from babies! We've always have pets around the house anyway. But they wouldn't cure my loneliness.

LegacyUser

OP

What if the baby doesn't cure your loneliness? How can you be so sure that this is the solution? Have you tried other avenues, friends, societies groups in college, sport? I think what you really need to address is the underlying cause of your loneliness, rather than assuming that a baby is the quick fix that will resolve it. Is there someone you can talk to about this, parents, other relatives, a counsellor?


You are so young, and while it is fair to assume that your parents will support you, having that expectation without talking to them to get their thoughts is somewhat unfair.

LegacyUser

I don't want a baby purely to cure my loneliness but it is part of the reason I want one. And whos to know whether it would or wouldn't cure it.

If you knew me you wouldn't think I was lonely at all. I go to college and work during the week and on saturdays. I have lots of friends from school and outside school and am slowly making new friends at college. I go out to pubs/clubs quite often and play sports and have joined lots of societies in college. So everythings there...it's just that as soon as I'm not busy..as soon as I have a minute to myself, i get incredibly lonely - somethings missing. And I think thats a child.

minidazzler

andmyusernameis wrote: »

I don't want a baby purely to cure my loneliness but it is part of the reason I want one. And whos to know whether it would or wouldn't cure it.

If you knew me you wouldn't think I was lonely at all. I go to college and work during the week and on saturdays. I have lots of friends from school and outside school and am slowly making new friends at college. I go out to pubs/clubs quite often and play sports and have joined lots of societies in college. So everythings there...it's just that as soon as I'm not busy..as soon as I have a minute to myself, i get incredibly lonely - somethings missing. And I think thats a child.

Babies sleep ALOT of hours a day so if you were to give up all your current life for a baby then you would actually have ALOT more free time to be lonely.

You have never even had sex, why are you thinking about a baby. Get yourself a boyfriend or something to fill the gap in time?

But having a child when you only THINK that might be the missing link would be a HUGE mistake that you can't just take back.

Get a BF and see if that fills the gap for you.

MizzLolly

andmyusernameis wrote: »

Hi everyone. Thanks for all the advice.

I do realise that a baby is hard work. I know I'm only 18 but I feel like I've been at least 18 for years now...as in, I'm a lot more mature than people my age and everybody says that about me. I don't expect it to be a walk in the park where I play with the kid for a few hours and then somebody else does the feeding/changing nappys/getting it to sleep etc. I know it will be tough and it will be challenging. I have a friend a few years older than me who got pregnant at 18 so I've heard a lot of whats been said here already - I don't think I'm naive or under informed.

However I do realise that money is a problem. I'm not rich but we're not broke at the moment (yet!) but I guess it isn't fair on my parents to support me (even though I would try support myself too). However if it was an unplanned pregnancy they would support me indefinitely.

And regarding the pet - lol! Pets are very different from babies! We've always have pets around the house anyway. But they wouldn't cure my loneliness.

minidazzler wrote: »

You have never even had sex, why are you thinking about a baby. Get yourself a boyfriend or something to fill the gap in time?

^^ what he said. You haven't even had an adult relationship yet and you still think you're ready to be a mother?

Go get yourself a boyfriend and see how difficult that can be before you start experimenting with a tiny little life. You're a virgin and you want to find a sperm donor intentionally to become a single mother, by choice, without your OWN financial stability? Get a grip. I was sympathetic at first when I read your OP but your subsequent posts give me the impression we've all wasted our time giving any input here. You mention your family isn't rich but isn't broke either? What the hell has that got to do with YOU wanting a baby? Your parents finances shouldn't come into it. It's your choice, your baby, your life and your responsibility. So you want to play an adult role by becoming a mother but from the comfort and security of what your own parents have worked for?l Seriously? You cannot afford a baby. You sound like a lonely, bored young girl. Go get some other responsibilities, get a boyfriend, pay some bills, buy a car, get your own place etc... and THEN talk about having a baby.

Jesus!

Also, on a side note, to all the young mother's who posted, I think what you've done is amazing and well done to you. What I've written above isn't there to criticize any of you. I understand fully how sometimes you can get caught off guard and find yourself in a situation like this. It's great that you got support from family and that you had healthy little babies What I wrote above wasn't in any way critical of single mothers but rather the issue of young women choosing to have a baby because they're bored.


It's not a toy OP. Seriously!

lolli

Hey Op,

I'm 25 and i'm expecting my first baby. I honestly don't think I could do it without the love and support of my partner.

You've never even had a boyfriend and I think its incredibly selfish to bring a baby into this world when you don't even have a potential father. If you were to get pregnant it would have to be by a one night stand or conning some lad who isn't ready into being a father. Do you honestly think that would be fair on him or the baby? A baby deserves two parents. Ok I know one parent families work but in fairness you haven't even begun to live your life.

I did my degree and postgrad, you should finish college and be able to bring up children with a partner to support you.

Your parents are finished raising their children. Do you think it would be fair to them to arrive home pregnant and expect them to support you? It seems to me that you are only thinking of yourself and not the other people that this is going to affect.

104494431

Novella wrote: »

You are not crazy to be thinking like this, it happens to a lot of people but be sensible. Why bring a baby into the world that you can't even afford to support? You know yourself that even if you did work full time, having a baby would be a HUGE financial strain. You even suggest having your parents helping you out. Do you really think that is something they want? If you sat them down and said, "I'm planning on having a baby but need your help", would they really reply, "Great, that is just what we want!"?!

To be honest, I know a couple who are really struggling to support their baby, both in full time employment, both college educated.

I'm pretty sure from my dealings with the social welfare office that it is quite possible to raise support a child while on social welfare.

In effect, I understand that children and expensive, for lack of a better way of putting it, but if it's possible to survive on social welfare, surely somebody in employment or with some form of regular income can support a child too, perhaps at a much higher standard of living too.

LegacyUser

MizzLolly, seriously you need to be a lot less aggressive when you're posting on PI. It doesnt matter to me cos I'm not exactly sensitive but if you're giving advice to some other people who are trying to overcome an issue. You don't just give out about it and say get over yourself.

MizzLolly wrote: »

Go get yourself a boyfriend and see how difficult that can be before you start experimenting with a tiny little life. You're a virgin and you want to find a sperm donor intentionally to become a single mother, by choice, without your OWN financial stability? Get a grip. I was sympathetic at first when I read your OP but your subsequent posts give me the impression we've all wasted our time giving any input here. You mention your family isn't rich but isn't broke either? What the hell has that got to do with YOU wanting a baby? Your parents finances shouldn't come into it. It's your choice, your baby, your life and your responsibility. So you want to play an adult role by becoming a mother but from the comfort and security of what your own parents have worked for?l Seriously? You cannot afford a baby. You sound like a lonely, bored young girl. Go get some other responsibilities, get a boyfriend, pay some bills, buy a car, get your own place etc... and THEN talk about having a baby.

I have a lot of responsibilities at work. And I paid for my own car and insurance, petrol etc. although I'm selling it now to save some money. I have been saving money in my post office since starting work at 14 (originally to move out but now going towards college and would be going towards a baby). Also have money in the bank from this years work.

It's not a toy OP. Seriously!

When did I ever say this? In fact I've said distinctly that I didn't want a baby just to 'play with it'. And yes I love kids at the 'baby stage' but I'd love to watch them grow up, go to school, make friends, join a football team (whether it's a boy or girl I will make them play football )etc. etc.

And the way you all talk about boyfriends it's as if they are the toys. "Get yourself a boyfriend" - It's not as easy as that for starters. Anc I don't collect boyfriends. My friends all get a new partner every year. I don't wanna have just any partner I want them to be special.

lolli wrote:

You've never even had a boyfriend and I think its incredibly selfish to bring a baby into this world when you don't even have a potential father. If you were to get pregnant it would have to be by a one night stand or conning some lad who isn't ready into being a father. Do you honestly think that would be fair on him or the baby? A baby deserves two parents. Ok I know one parent families work but in fairness you haven't even begun to live your life.

I have had a couple of boyfriends. I've been down that route before but it's all been very immature and I haven't loved any of them. And FFS when did I say I was gonna trick somebody into being a father. My God...

And do you think single mothers arent capable to raise a happy child? I know plenty of single mothers out there who havent had support from the fathers. Futhermore, there are rape victims who have kept the child and raised them on their own.

I agree that the strain on my family would be selfish. And I have originally implied my concern for this which is partly the reason I'm looking for advice here. As in if I worked full time for a few years I could save some money.

And btw, I am grateful to have a loving supportive family who have provided a home for me and have put me through education. However, I have not been ''given'' money since I first started working. I don't expect to be given money once I have a kid. We live in a reasonably sized house and it's just the three of us ncesi my older brothers have moved out and are both working and living with their partners. My parents were able to support a family of 6 and are currently supporting a family of 3 on virtually the same salary. I'm not saying this is a reason to off load a kid of my own on them - this isnt my intention no matter how you twist it.

Thank you all for your input and I appreciate the constructive criticism/advice. As you may or may not have guessed this isnt a spur on the moment thought and it most definitely isnt a spur of the moment decision. But it is something I am confident I want.

neuro-praxis

You know what, babies grow up and leave. Then you'll be back to square 1. What then? Another baby?

Your desire for a baby is biological. Many women feel this desire from their teens onward. Thankfully having a brain they can rationalize that having a baby with no qualifications, no income and no partner is not the best, optimum choice for them or their baby.

Also your attitude towards your parents is that of a child; you are not mature. The mature thing is to accept your desire for a child, and wait for a better time - at least being in a stable relationship. Forget your life: having a baby will severely impact your parents' life at this stage. You need to MOVE OUT before you have one.

If this had happened accidentally, fine, these things happen. To make it happen deliberately is ridiculous.

If you do decide to have a baby then move out and get some income and life-plans made first. That's what adults do. They plan and they take responsibility.

Novella

andmyusernameis wrote: »

However I do realise that money is a problem. I'm not rich but we're not broke at the moment (yet!) but I guess it isn't fair on my parents to support me (even though I would try support myself too). However if it was an unplanned pregnancy they would support me indefinitely.

If you got pregnant now, it wouldn't be unplanned. No matter what way you look at this, your parents do not deserve to have to fork out for a baby which you have planned, knowing that you can't afford. It's just not fair.

andmyusernameis wrote: »

I have a lot of responsibilities at work. And I paid for my own car and insurance, petrol etc. although I'm selling it now to save some money. I have been saving money in my post office since starting work at 14 (originally to move out but now going towards college and would be going towards a baby). Also have money in the bank from this years work.


And do you think single mothers arent capable to raise a happy child? I know plenty of single mothers out there who havent had support from the fathers. Futhermore, there are rape victims who have kept the child and raised them on their own.

I agree that the strain on my family would be selfish. And I have originally implied my concern for this which is partly the reason I'm looking for advice here. As in if I worked full time for a few years I could save some money.

And btw, I am grateful to have a loving supportive family who have provided a home for me and have put me through education. However, I have not been ''given'' money since I first started working. I don't expect to be given money once I have a kid. We live in a reasonably sized house and it's just the three of us ncesi my older brothers have moved out and are both working and living with their partners. My parents were able to support a family of 6 and are currently supporting a family of 3 on virtually the same salary. I'm not saying this is a reason to off load a kid of my own on them - this isnt my intention no matter how you twist it.

Thank you all for your input and I appreciate the constructive criticism/advice. As you may or may not have guessed this isnt a spur on the moment thought and it most definitely isnt a spur of the moment decision. But it is something I am confident I want.

You pay for your own car insurance and petrol so you think you could afford a baby? I'm gonna take a rough guess your insurance is around a thousand euro a year, as mine was when I was eighteen. Do you seriously think a thousand euro a year would go anywhere to support a baby? Go into your local supermarket and look at the price of nappies, baby formula etc. Then consider childcare fees seen as you'll have to continue working fulltime. Clothes, toys, a buggy, a cot, the list is endless.

If you plan on being a single mother, how exactly are you planning on getting pregnant? As I already said, I doubt you will find anywhere in Ireland willing to perform artificial insemination on you because you are so young. This is also a costly procedure. Have you taken that into account too?

What was the purpose of saying they now only support three children but on the same salary as when they were supporting six then? What your parents earn makes NO difference. It should absolutely NOT be an influencing factor on whether or not you have a baby. That baby would be YOUR responsibilty and yours only. Do you understand that? You are the one making the choice and involving your parents in it is just so completely wrong. Can you imagine if you had a daughter and she decided to get pregnant, thinking, "Ah well, my mother can afford it!"?

You say you are confident you want this. So was I! I honestly, deep down, at seventeen, thought a baby would be lovely. In reality, I just didn't know what else I wanted to do with my life! I wasn't sure about my college course etc. You may be in the same boat, seeing as you dropping out of college is no big deal to you. You are clearly not mad about it. Maybe you should look more into that side of your life as perhaps if you felt more fulfilled in that area, the urge to have a baby would weaken.

Look how many people here are advising you against this. So many of us have gotten pregnant at a young age. Does that say nothing to you?

CDfm

OP - you asked if anyone thinks your crazy for wanting a baby well I do!

You cant afford or look after a baby from your own resourses either financially or otherwise. So your parents would really have the responsibility and not you.

On top of this to get pregnant you want to entrap some guy who may or may not want to be a Dad but who may want involvement in its upbringing but nevertheless will legally have a financial obliation for a childs upbringing.

So to indulge your whim you would like to impose on lots of other peoples time and money that is not yours to make decisions about so in that way you would be cynically taking the resorses for your use.

So lets get it straight -the idea is wreckess, irresponsibble but most off all selfish.

LegacyUser

Hi Op, I had to reply because I can relate to what you wrote and how you feel.

I can imagine the urge to reproduce and have babies would be stronger in some than it would be in others. So you're definiately not crazy in how you're feeling and thinking.

I had the same urge when I was younger in my early 20s. I love babies and children and I always wanted babies and children at a young age and be a young mammy. I was single for the majority of my early 20s so it wasn't going to happen. Now I wasn't obsessed with becoming pregnant but if I had my chance I would have got pregnant. This urge to have babies was so strong for me but it wasn't happening.

I decided to study childcare and go working with young children. I'm in my late 20s now and I am so glad I waited and very happy that i'm still waiting. I love what I do for a living but my god its so hard and it is great to go home and do my own thing. So maybe thats whats you could you until you're a little bit older. Study childcare. Or midwifery (spelling?). You'd be working with young children and babies and by the sounds of it you would enjoy it. And you don't have to wait forever to start having babies. You could defer the idea for a few years until you have a loving parther, be more finiancially stable and be in a position to provide for your own children and see how you feel then.

I feel you should get yourself a babysitting job and babysit for a couple with young children. Babysit for them. Overtime allow them to go to a function and stay overnight where you would have the responsibility of minding children overnight. Babysit for a whole weekend. Then see how you feel about having babies. They dominate every minute and you lose so much sleep. Babysitting like this would be very important for you because you would get a real taste at whats involved with children before you start having babies. You could see if you really are ready to have babies without getting pregnant and committing yourself to motherhood. I was unlucky to babysit for a couple not long ago for a whole weekend. As much as I love what I do for a living it was fcuking terrible and I was delighted to get away.

andmyusernameis wrote: »

I know kids are incredibly hard work but I would rather have a chaotic home with a child running around playing than an empty house with me by myself all night.

This line stood out for me. I feel you are looking at things through rose tinted glasses. A lot of babies are born with disabilities and conditions and illnessess many which could be severe and life threatening. How would you feel if you were to have a child that was born with health problems. They wouldn't be running around playing thats for sure. They could spend their lifes in hospital. No matter how mature one thinks they are noone would be prepared to receive such news with the birth of their baby.

LegacyUser

I had a child at 18 im 24 have been single the whole time. Its not just hard sometimes its damn near impossible. Although I love my child with every bone in my body I would have waited until i was in a stable relationship and had security and maybe the experience of life. I understand your lonely but its nothing compared to how youll feel when your child is in bed and all your friends are going out of a friday night and you cant. Enjoy yourself before you have to give all of yourself to a child. Its unfair to think your parents will bail you out all the time as it will get old pretty soon if your hitting them for money and babysitting all the time as that is what will happen. Then if you have to support yourself youll be working 2 jobs and will barely see the child at all youll be working to pay childcare.

Please think about it properly its not going to solve your lonliness.

MizzLolly

andmyusernameis wrote: »

MizzLolly, seriously you need to be a lot less aggressive when you're posting on PI. It doesnt matter to me cos I'm not exactly sensitive but if you're giving advice to some other people who are trying to overcome an issue. You don't just give out about it and say get over yourself.



I have a lot of responsibilities at work. And I paid for my own car and insurance, petrol etc. although I'm selling it now to save some money. I have been saving money in my post office since starting work at 14 (originally to move out but now going towards college and would be going towards a baby). Also have money in the bank from this years work.





When did I ever say this? In fact I've said distinctly that I didn't want a baby just to 'play with it'. And yes I love kids at the 'baby stage' but I'd love to watch them grow up, go to school, make friends, join a football team (whether it's a boy or girl I will make them play football )etc. etc.

And the way you all talk about boyfriends it's as if they are the toys. "Get yourself a boyfriend" - It's not as easy as that for starters. Anc I don't collect boyfriends. My friends all get a new partner every year. I don't wanna have just any partner I want them to be special.



I have had a couple of boyfriends. I've been down that route before but it's all been very immature and I haven't loved any of them. And FFS when did I say I was gonna trick somebody into being a father. My God...

And do you think single mothers arent capable to raise a happy child? I know plenty of single mothers out there who havent had support from the fathers. Futhermore, there are rape victims who have kept the child and raised them on their own.

I agree that the strain on my family would be selfish. And I have originally implied my concern for this which is partly the reason I'm looking for advice here. As in if I worked full time for a few years I could save some money.

And btw, I am grateful to have a loving supportive family who have provided a home for me and have put me through education. However, I have not been ''given'' money since I first started working. I don't expect to be given money once I have a kid. We live in a reasonably sized house and it's just the three of us ncesi my older brothers have moved out and are both working and living with their partners. My parents were able to support a family of 6 and are currently supporting a family of 3 on virtually the same salary. I'm not saying this is a reason to off load a kid of my own on them - this isnt my intention no matter how you twist it.

Thank you all for your input and I appreciate the constructive criticism/advice. As you may or may not have guessed this isnt a spur on the moment thought and it most definitely isnt a spur of the moment decision. But it is something I am confident I want.

I give plenty of advice in PI where I think I can help. You asked for advice and yet you have an answer for every single suggestion that people here have offered you. Look at Novella, she's posted a few times, using her own personal experience to try and make you see rationally but you keep coming back to spout off nonsense about being mature and having responsibilities because you have a car. FFS. I'm rarely this harsh on anyone in PI but will you just listen to yourself?! Look at all of the young mothers here who have posted to tell you how hard they had to work and how they know it could have been so much easier if they were older and more financially secure.

Don't ask for advice and then throw a tantrum when people don't say what you want to hear. Judging by everything you've posted here, (relying on parents to support you, never having had an adult relationship, etc) you are not mature enough to take care of a baby.

Why would I take the soft approach with you when so many others have already even though you insist on writing back nonsense?

These people have been through this, they know it's not easy and they're telling you to wait. You're not going to get more honest than that. Novella and Ash 23's posts in particular should have made some sort of an impact on you. But no, you're hell bent on doing this anyway and have no problem crying about it when you feel we're not being sensitive enough? Why exactly did you post here then? You're not taking any of it on board at all. If you were really sure about this you wouldn't have felt the need to anonymously post on a message board and ask for advice.

Also, you think ''it's not that easy'' to go get yourself a relationship to fill in the gap, you think it's easy raising a baby by yourself? It's not the same as running your car btw!

Listen to the others. They know what they're talking about. And don't be giving Lolli that crap about her thinking single mothers are not capable of raising a baby, nobody here has said that. You're clutching at straws here trying to demonise everyone else for not saying what you want to hear.

This is a bad idea. You shouldn't do it but you're not going to listen, so really, why did you bother asking in the first place?

Darthhoob

the loneliest time EVER in my life was when i was a single mum to a baby.

a baby does nothing to cure loneliness, it isolates you...unless you have ALOT of help like your parents, even then you will be worse off ;loneliness wise' than you are now. so again...it wouldn't be fair on your parents...or you or your baby.
it's not just that babies are hard work, thats the easiest thing. the hardest thing is the fact you have to consider them in EVERY single choice you make in life, you can't even go to the loo without thinking if it is the right time too lol...although that isn't a life and death situation it can be upsetting and annoying when a baby is screaming and you need to loo.

D rog

OP, do you think it's fair on the baby for you to have it to 'fix' things in your life like a gap or loneliness?
I totally understand what you're saying- that you could support it financially and in other ways- but the aim surely isn't just to survive is it?

If you leave college, it will be harder to return if you want to with a baby.
If you have a job, the child will need childcare.

Life moves on and after the inital baby stage you will have to get yourself back on track with where you want to go. The gap to me sounds like a major project you need, is your college course really the one you want? Maybe do some volunteering too? Socialise and enjoy your youth.
Where do you see yourself going?

A baby is not a mute unquestioning entity and they could have some tough words for you in the future if you have the baby as a fixer for yourself.

Take care and maybe talk to a close friend about these feelings?

Jack B. Badd

OP, you say you're mature but your responses to peoples' advice indicates otherwise. You've posted this thread apparently looking for advice but you're dismissing any advice that doesn't correspond with what you want to do. You don't appear to be weighing up both the pros and cons of having a child. Quite frankly, your posts come across as "I want x. I haven't considered whether or not its actually a good idea but that doesn't really matter because I want it". That doesn't come across as mature.

Honestly, OP, have you ever really discussed with any family members this idea to artificially inseminate and have a baby - not as an abstract concept but as a real life decision? If you have, what was their response and if not, what do you (honestly) think their response would be? I'd be extremely surprised if they considered it a good idea...

CDfm

neuro-praxis wrote: »

If this had happened accidentally, fine, these things happen. To make it happen deliberately is ridiculous.

Darthhoob wrote: »

..unless you have ALOT of help like your parents, ..........loneliness wise' than you are now. so again...it wouldn't be fair on your parents...or you or your baby.

OP these points stand out like beacons.

I will add one more - have you spoken to your parents on this ?

I'm a parent and I wouldnt be happy at being taken for granted like that. In fact, I know one mother who sent her daughter down to the community welfare officer with the Health Services and told them to take care of her.

Harsh not at all, she had raised her own family.Its not that uncommon.Kids are expensive and she could not afford it.

I think you should talk and imagine you are in for a rude awakening.

Crotchety

A baby is not a toy. Grow up. Buy a barbie doll instead but don't have a kid for the craic.

Sir Ophiuchus

Having read this thread a number of times, I honestly have to say I don't think you're having a baby for the right reasons.

At the end of the day, your financial circumstances / independence / age are all irrelevant compared to "Why do I want to have a baby right now?"

And you have said, and emphasised, that a significant reason is so you would be less lonely.

That's not a good reason to have a child. Therefore, I don't think you should have a child right now.


Nonetheless, best wishes in whatever you decide.

Crotchety

You don't want to be lonely. You're selfish. Who are you going to have the baby with?

The guy sleeping under the Hal'penny Bridge with Aids?

No, No, No.

eimsRV

OP, like the others have advised you should really stop and think about this.

Your parents have raised their children, and while I'm sure they would love to be grandparents, now is their time to enjoy their lives/retirement/etc, and bringing a baby in to their house may not suit them at all. Babys are so expensive, its never ending - I know you say you have savings, but with no college qualification yet, no permanent fulltime job, no place of your own, I think its quite selfish to expect your parents to help you support your child.

With regards artificial insemination, afaik there is only one place in Ireland that treat single women and you are looking at 1500euro for one try with a 15-20% success rate. Also you don't know who the donor is, what type of person they are. I'm sure there is screening done but can it detect every hereditary problem? If you go this route what do you tell your parents? That you purposely got pregnant? If you lie to them and tell them it was an unplanned pregnancy and the father isn't in the picture, do you carry on that lie to your child when they one day ask you who their father is?

I have an 8month old daughter with my partner. We love her to bits but she is hard work. I have a very supportive family and circle of friends but at the end of the day she is our responsibility and a 24hour a day commitment. We both earn a decent salary but still money is tight since she came along. Also as darthoob said, being a single mam can be lonely too. Even though I live with my bf, I've had many moments of lonliness since our little girl came along, from watching her in an incubator in NICU, to breastfeeding at 4am, to sitting in alone on a Fri night while my bf was at work.

I would strongly urge you to finish your college qualification as you will always have that behind you. Then as one of the other posters suggested look in to childcare or maybe being an au pair.

From reading your posts I don't think have a boyfriend is top priority for you, however have you thought about how hard it would be too meet someone special with a little one in tow?

LegacyUser

Ok seriously, people need to listen to what I've said so far. Maybe I'm coming off as an immature stupid little girl - if that's your opinion then fine, everyone has their opinions. But just want to clear some stuff up

1. I DON'T plan to 'trick' some random guy into being a father. Never was this my intention so to the several people who think I'm a bitch for scheming to do this they're wrong.

So the only other option is artifical insemination. Somebody on here posted saying this was very expensive so obviously that would need to be another consideration. I also don't know if they have an age requirement??

2. I have read peoples advice here, in particular the young mothers (I apologise I haven't replied to everyone) and if they wouldn't mind, I'd like to ask them - although it has been difficult at times, especially to those single mothers, were you happy having a child? Obviously the news might have been hard to take but once you had the baby...you must love it incredibly?

3. Having a baby isn't a toy, isn't a doll, isn't a car (never implied this, was just replying to part of MizzLolly's post so don't know why you're getting viscious about that - I was just responding to some of the responsibilities you think a necessary mother should have...apparently having a car is :P ) and isn't something I want to play with. And I wouldn't have a baby right now it is something I am considering. As in if I wasn't in college but working full time for a few years before I had the baby, I'd be able to support it. So if you think I'm too young now I understand that and thank you for your advice. But what I'm saying is if I started saving now and had one in a year or twos time.

LegacyUser

Sir Ophiuchus wrote: »

Having read this thread a number of times, I honestly have to say I don't think you're having a baby for the right reasons.

At the end of the day, your financial circumstances / independence / age are all irrelevant compared to "Why do I want to have a baby right now?"

And you have said, and emphasised, that a significant reason is so you would be less lonely.

That's not a good reason to have a child. Therefore, I don't think you should have a child right now.


Nonetheless, best wishes in whatever you decide.

Hi, thanks for posting.

I do admit that I am lonely. But I think this loneliness is because of something that is lacking in my life. I am happy in work, I am reasonably happy in college (too early to tell) but I am not happy at home. People may think this is because I don't have a boyfriend - but not everyone HAS to have a boyfriend is what I'm saying. I truely believe that the right person will either come along or they won't. I'm not going to hunt for somebody who isn't 'the one'.

Lonely people may get a puppy to keep them company but I don't want a baby just for company (although hopefully it will be great company ) - I want one to fufill my life which I feel isn't really going anywhere at the moment.

Hope people understand that.

Thanks

D rog

eimsRV wrote: »

Also you don't know who the donor is, what type of person they are. I'm sure there is screening done but can it detect every hereditary problem?

How are you going to answer these questions when the child wants to know their background, medical history etc. ?

Also, you mentioned 2 siblings who are now living out of home with their partners. Are you the only one left at home and are you the youngest?
Do you think their departure whenever it was, is the gap you haven't resolved? Do you miss them? I honestly don't mean to be harsh now- but are you looking for more attention than you're getting at the moment?

LegacyUser

Get a life! Get a hobby to fill your time!

Whatever happened to finding your true love, settling down, getting married, getting a house and then having kids?

Have some self respect for yourself too, going out to have one night stands all because you want a baby!

You sound very selfish. Keep your legs closed until you're old enough to actually handle a baby.

Prof.Badass

It's not fair on men for a heterosexual woman to intentionally become a single mother.

Somewhere out there a man will miss out on the pinnacle of human life because you want to experience it for yourself a few years earlier.

LegacyUser

HI OP,

I remember some one of my friends feeling like you when we were in our teens, and she loved baby sittin and minding kids, she was kind of pining for a child but deep down i think it was just a phase like when women get broody, its also connected to your hormones.

MY mate soon lost interested, she lived in new york for a while travelled and then came home and studied, she then fell pregnant and had an abortion, she must have felt completely different at this stage about having a child and she was 25.

I watched my own mother have 3 of us when she was only 19, she was on her own and we were very poor, I really said i would do it differently when i got older because i wanted to be able to be there for my kids and my mum was not able- she was so emotionally stressed,

I am with my BF 14 years i am 31 and i am now only trying for a kid in the last month, i made sure i could look after myself and be responsible before i had a kid and i made sure i had a home and money, i swear it is was so hard for us growing up poor, being hungry and needing stuff for school.


I think it is a very positive thing that you love kids and you yearn to be a mother, you sound like you really believe in yourself and would make a great mother, I just really feel that life experience is very important first, because you need emotional skills more than anything else, i did a few years in therapy to gain those skills that my own mother could not give me,

One thing i know, is children do what they see and not what they are told, you want to be the best role model you can be.

Best of luck in your future, please consider this more.

Novella

andmyusernameis wrote: »

Ok seriously, people need to listen to what I've said so far. Maybe I'm coming off as an immature stupid little girl - if that's your opinion then fine, everyone has their opinions. But just want to clear some stuff up

1. I DON'T plan to 'trick' some random guy into being a father. Never was this my intention so to the several people who think I'm a bitch for scheming to do this they're wrong.

So the only other option is artifical insemination. Somebody on here posted saying this was very expensive so obviously that would need to be another consideration. I also don't know if they have an age requirement??

2. I have read peoples advice here, in particular the young mothers (I apologise I haven't replied to everyone) and if they wouldn't mind, I'd like to ask them - although it has been difficult at times, especially to those single mothers, were you happy having a child? Obviously the news might have been hard to take but once you had the baby...you must love it incredibly?

3. Having a baby isn't a toy, isn't a doll, isn't a car (never implied this, was just replying to part of MizzLolly's post so don't know why you're getting viscious about that - I was just responding to some of the responsibilities you think a necessary mother should have...apparently having a car is :P ) and isn't something I want to play with. And I wouldn't have a baby right now it is something I am considering. As in if I wasn't in college but working full time for a few years before I had the baby, I'd be able to support it. So if you think I'm too young now I understand that and thank you for your advice. But what I'm saying is if I started saving now and had one in a year or twos time.

1. I am the one who has mentioned artificial insemination in both of my posts on this thread, as I got the impression from your post that is the route you were intending to go down. I honestly don't know too much about the subject but I presume there is some kind of vetting before the procedure. It seems kind of incompetent to me otherwise. Look into though, if you really want to. I can only imagine the cost is astronomical as this is generally something a woman would do when all other avenues have been exhausted. Again, I have no real knowledge so I can't say much.

2. As I've said, I got pregnant when I was seventeen. I ended up having a miscarriage though so I can't answer you as to whether I'm happy with a baby now or not. All I can say really is that falling pregnant and having a miscarriage had the most huge impact on my life. Given my young age, I was nowhere near emotionally or mentally capable of dealing with the emotions I felt, both during my short-lived pregnancy and miscarriage.

While I was devastated when I found out I was pregnant, I will never forget the moment I was told I'd lost the baby. It was heart breaking and for so long aferwards, sometimes even now, I blame myself and think it was something I did or didn't do and worry that I'm just not capable of carrying a baby to term. I know that having a miscarriage is awful for all women but when you're so young, you just don't expect it. The thought NEVER crossed my mind and when it happened, I was in complete shock and denial. It's been over two years now but there is not a day when the thought doesn't cross my mind. I constantly worry about getting pregnant, so much so that I dread it. My life has honestly never ever been the same.

Obviously, I can only speak from my experience but around 15% of pregnancies do end in miscarriage so even if you did get pregnant, it doesn't always produce a beautiful, bouncing baby. I'm sorry I'm being so negative here but if you are seriously thinking about getting pregnant, you need to be aware of all possibilities, I think anyway.

3. If you finished college and worked full time for a few years so you were financially stable enough to support a child on your own, we wouldn't be having this discussion because you'd be older, more mature, better able to deal with any glitches which may occur, not reliant on your parents or anyone else, etc etc. I don't see anything wrong with that plan, in fact, that is what everyone is telling you to do! You said you want a baby "right now" though, in your original post.

Liam Byrne

andmyusernameis wrote: »

I sometimes would prefer to drop out and work full time. (I love my job also).

Obviously money would be a problem but I could quit college and work full time and raise a bit of money

Can I ask who'd mind this child in that scenario ?

minidazzler

OP, you came here for advice and some fantastic advice was given. No babies until you are ready!!!

I know you have a hole in your life when you are at home. Trust me, I understand, I am at home alot because I have no proper job, no college, no girlfriend and only a plan to keep me sustained. But you need to fill it with something that is NOT a baby, becauise a baby doesn't just go away when you find something new to entertain you.

I fill it with boards and the internet in general mostly. Going out every now and then.

I know not everyone has a boyfriend, but maybe that's what you need. It sounds like you just want something to love, can you not love a boyfriend?

Darthhoob

[2. I have read peoples advice here, in particular the young mothers (I apologise I haven't replied to everyone) and if they wouldn't mind, I'd like to ask them - although it has been difficult at times, especially to those single mothers, were you happy having a child? Obviously the news might have been hard to take but once you had the baby...you must love it incredibly?/QUOTE]

i actually sunk into deep depression plus i have social anxiety possibly brought on by being alone at home all day and night with a baby.
both made 10 times worse when my mother died just after my son's first birthday....she was the only help i had. as i said i love my eldest with all my heart, but that doesn't mean i think it was a good idea to have him looking back. i dont mean abortion...i mean just NOT getting pregnant at all at that stage. (i did consider abortion but i couldn't do it).

i often wonder where i would be if i hadn't had him when i did. i was at college doing A levels after i did a diploma in animal care...i was going to go to university to be an animal behaviourist....all those dreams stopped when i got pregnant, i dont have the support/money/time to go back and carry on with what i started...i've just become a mother (to another 1.5kids too now lol)....which is fine now i am older and have a loving relationship with a man who was there for me since my eldest was 21 months old. but i wanted a career and some independance first, i'm still too dependant on people now tbh, i never got time to be on my own and grow.

it's not as black and white as saying "i love my kids so i am really happy to be a parent" i love him to bits but i wish i had him a few years later...and with my OH rather than my abusive ex lol

ash23

Were you happy having a child? Obviously the news might have been hard to take but once you had the baby...you must love it incredibly?

I was in bits the whole way through my pregnancy. I pretty much don't remember the first 2-3 years of my childs life as I was so depressed. I put on 5 stone in 5 months through depression. I resent my daughter at times if I'm honest. When I see people travelling and doing things I want to do but can't because of my daughter. When my ex left me for a younger, childfree girl who can go out and party I resented my daughter. When I haven't 2 pennies at the end of the month because of childcare and rent (because I can't house share because of my daughter). When I can't have a piss without her standing at the door chatting to me.

I adore my daughter. But if I had my time again I wouldn't have had her at such a young age. I have missed out. And I try not to resent her, she didn't ask to be born, but at times it gets a bit much and I do think "if I'd never had her...".

I would not have another child until it was planned and I was in a loving relationship where the child was wanted. That should tell you all you need to know.

Also, dont you think you're putting a lot of pressure on such little shoulders? A child cannot be responsible for its parents happiness. It's not fair of you to bring a child into this world thinking it will solve your problems.

ash23

Also, you need to wise up to the reality of having a baby. You are selling your car because it is costing too much? Seriously?

I'll give you a run down of a few costs involved in the first few years.


Rent on a 2 bed apartment/house (depending on area - basing it on mine which is rural so add more for a city) - €650 per month
Creche fees for a small baby - from €800 - €1000 per month
Nappies - approx 1 pack per week (maybe more depending) - €50+ per month
Food (1-2 tins of milk per week plus solids) - anything up to €200 per month
Toys, clothes, "stuff" - anything really but a minimum of about €50 per month


They get older, the childcare cost decreases but the cost of feeding and clothing them increases. PLus school supplies, school tours, things like swimming lessons. It's a constant struggle to pay for everything.

You need a job that pays at least 2200 per month in order to keep your head above water. Unless you plan on living at home and having mammy mind the baby while you work (but then prepare to be on here complaining that you have no privacy and your mother keeps taking over).

Personally, I think you have serious problems to be even considering this. The fact that you want a baby, regardless of how you would afford it and rear it and pay for it, regardless of the father issue I mentioned in my first post, this all tells me that you are totally clueless as to what parenting involves. And I mean that in a honest way, not a jibe.

txt_mess

Ok been reading through and before I say anything I have to say loads of people have children in less then ideal cirumstances and get through it well ( myself included )

I would say however your situation is different as you are in the good position of being able to choose your way forward ( ie not already pregnant ) I would say it's best to to be able to get as much as possible right prior to having a child if you have the choice.

Things to think of Job , Education , Living Circumstances , Money , Childcare and most of all the responsiblity to do the best you can by your child all have to factor in as your lucky to be able to choose.

Think of just the most straight forward if you are pregnant by yourself ( which I'm gathering is the current plan ) how are you going to support yourself and the baby you have savings which is good but are you going to continue work and college with the baby are you going to get childcare , can you pay for it ?

Not trying to be pushy here I have no doubt your capable of being a good parent , most people are capable but the other things in life impact on you being a parent and the relationship you and you child have and this is the part which can cause the extra pressures on a parent which do lead us all to breaking points.

Your big question shouldn't be the how and where you can find a sperm donor it should be can I actually be a parent or do I just need to accept the longing for a baby and realise it's not the right time yet.

Dave!

I reckon if you had a boyfriend, you wouldn't be having this urge.

Just a guess but judging from the OP I'd say you're just lonely, and having a baby that depends on you and that you can love and have it love you back, would diminish that loneliness.

Just enjoy your youth and freedom and hopefully you'll meet a good guy soon.

Think about kids when you're in a situation where you'll be able to support them properly.

Hrududu

I do admit that I am lonely. But I think this loneliness is because of something that is lacking in my life.

You've said before that whats lacking is a baby. That is not whats lacking. You need to learn how to be alone with yourself. You need to learn to love your own company. Until you do that you will never fill that gap. A baby won't fill it.

Lillylilly

OP, I just want to flag something that was mentioned by another poster that I feel is very important- spending a lot of time with children where YOU are their sole primary care giver!

I have always wanted kids, it has always been my life long goal to be a mother. I babysat a lot as a teenager. It was tiring and fun, but I generally looked after kids from 6+. I loved it and thought it would be good fun and not that tough!
When I was 19, I spent a year out from college working as a full time child minder- for a few months I worked living in their home. This included feeding and washing, changing and nurturing a baby. It gave me REAL experience of what it would be like to raise a child.
It was SUCH hard work. It was lonely, as I had noone to talk to.
It was tiring, because of the baby waking during the night.
It was frustrating as sometimes the baby would cry and he wouldn't stop.
This is the "easy" stuff that comes if your finances are sorted. Something that struck me was you saying you were going to "save" from a fulltime job for a year or so. Are you gonna be saving for a deposit for a house too?

I think you should do some growing first. Without sounding patronising, you are only 18. There are so many life experiences that you have not had. You need to be a whole person before you have a child- you need to be able to KNOW life before you start teaching it to a little person. You speak about the child being "good company". A baby doesn't learn how to speak for years!!!! It will be a physical presence in your home but in no way will be "company". It is not a permanent friend you will be having.

On a separate note, I would like to thank Ash23 for her last post. Rarely do you hear a parent speak of the real emotional difficulties associated with raising a child. Well done on being honest!

seahorse

I have to say teenagers with this type of attitude just seriously get on my nerves. They haven’t A CLUE what they're letting themselves in for. I got pregnant at seventeen; I was on the pill at the time. I was fukin horrified and deeply afraid. I think, given my reaction, I'd more of a sense of what was coming down the line than a teenager who'd welcome the idea of a baby with open arms.

Regardless how much more seriously I took the situation though, I myself hadn’t a clue what was coming, because single-parenthood isn’t something you can understand until you've lived it. Besides anything else, there is a serious stigma attached to single-motherhood and that, while struggling to raise a baby alone, is a lot to take.

Attitudes like this bother me also, I think, because a lot of people seem to think any teenaged parent planned the situation, as the OP is doing, and I had to put up with a lot of peoples unfounded assumptions. Well OP, I DIDN’T plan it but I had to live it and let me tell you, if you think you're lonely now God help you when you're sitting in alone every Friday and Saturday night while your friends are out there getting on with their lives.

kittenkiller

OP, you're asking *the internet* whether or not you should have a baby?!

Seriously, I can see where you're coming from, feeling like something is missing that will only be filled by a baby. It's called being broody. And it's not a reason to bring a life into the world.

Even as part of a loving committed partnership, there're huge questions to ask yourself about how you want your child to be raised and how you want to provide for him/her.
As a single student/part-time employee who is only barely able to drive/drink/vote/leave the country without your parents permission I feel you have a lot more life to live before you pledge what's left of it to a child.

There are time when I get so broody people worry that they might not get their child back after I've been minding them! But I know that in order to raise my children in a manner that I feel they deserve, it would be better off to wait until more of the external factors are under control.
Imagine if you have a baby and then after a few months realize that it will be *years* before you can have a fun holiday with your friends without worrying about your little one and how that money might have been better spent on something that he/she needs or even an upgrade of your healthcare plan!!
There'll alway be another expense coming through the door.
If you stay working where you are for the next 10 years, taking time off whenever your baby/toddler/child needs you (because there'll be no one else there to take half the burden) how much do you think you'll be making a month?
Bring into that rent on a two bed apartment, insurance, school fees, bills, the odd bottle of wine around your place (hearing about the brilliant night out your friends have had and their newest bloke of the month), clothes, travel, toys, Christmas, your son/daughters friends birthdays, dental bills....

The list could go on forever!

My advice would be to start preparing yourself for a baby now and then have one in a few years.
Start a savings account.
Look into schools in the area (seriously look into them, which one has the best LC results, third level acceptance rates etc...).
Maybe even pick up things in the next few sales...

Prove to yourself and those around you that you'd be able for it.
Use that time to start to really enjoy yourself.
You'll never get it back once a baby arrives.

Best of luck OP.
TBH, I'd be *really* pi$$ed off if you had a kid and then started claiming welfare out of the taxes I've paid over the last 12 years in order to support a child you weren't prepared for.

alfranken

OOh a nice fashion accesory.

Zaph

alfranken wrote: »

OOh a nice fashion accesory.

Seeing as you're new here I'm going to be lenient. However before posting in PI again you may wish to acquaint yourself with the charter, specifically the part dealing with off-topic and unhelpful posts which can get you infracted or banned.

LegacyUser

Well I had a baby when I was 20 – it gave me status – I was not a child anymore and it imposed upon me a sense of responsibility. All in all it was a good experience - however in my thirties - I resented the time I wasted. Now in my 40’s I view it as a positive experience – people should have kids when their young and leave their middle age to enjoy themselves, all the things that you “have to achieve” when your young, like a good education or a good job – you can just as easily get when your 30 or 40 if you still want to however you might not be able to have kids then. On the other hand don’t subject your parents to being childminders – they want to enjoy their middle agedness as well. If you go down that road do it with eyes open.