Are we going to taint this wedding?

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 1:55pm #1

Hi, just a question which may be better asked elsewhere but this is the thread I'm most familiar with:)

My bf and I are going to the wedding of a colleague of mine where other colleagues are getting their hair and make up professionally done, and are going to be (probably) getting a new outfit. They have said that they're bringing their own bf suit-shopping for the wedding this weekend.

I'm going to be wearing a skirt that others have seen before, a dressy top which I already have that they haven't seen, and am doing my own hair and make up (very much improvisation jobs, but I don't believe in wasting my money for people who I don't care much for). My bf is of the same mind set, and will be tidying up his beard & moustache, will leave his long hair as is (tied back), and will wear a new pair of black Levis, a black shirt (no suit jacket or tie) and shined Doc Martins.

My colleagues are very much all about appearances. I don't care about their opinions, but don't want to cause offence either. Would the above description of how my bf and I will be turned out cause offence if you were my colleagues/the bride/groom?

seamus · 07-10-2009 2:02pm

It won't cause offence. Provided you look like you took the time to shower and put on your better quality clean clothes, it won't make a difference.

seanie2 · 07-10-2009 2:08pm

The bf will stand out a bit, don't you think?

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 2:14pm

seanie2, yeah I know he will, he always does tend to stick out! Especially in this instance where the majority of people will be exceptionally conservative looking, yet will be scangers:( The vast majority will also be exceptionally judgemental.

Thing is though, my bf doesn't wear suits and feels really uncomfortable in them! He also wouldn't look particularly good in one anyway, and blacker-than-black jeans suit him much better. I don't know if that would cut it with the audience though...

seamus · 07-10-2009 2:22pm

Pocket Pillager wrote: »

I don't know if that would cut it with the audience though...

Who cares? You're there to celebrate the marriage of a friend, not to impress a bunch of strangers.

If he's not comfortable in suits and he doesn't look like a complete mess in black jeans and a shirt, then who gives a ****, really?

McCABE1 · 07-10-2009 2:24pm

Personally I hate jeans at a wedding, I think it can really stand out and look a little disrepectful (sorry) and I think even though they are black jeans, it'll still be obvious cause literally every man there will be in a suit.
However I also hate being forced to fork out a small fortune to go to somebodys wedding, especially at a time like this. How about he get a nice pair of slacks ( I know that sounds so old-fashioned!) in Pennys and team it with his black shirt and a tie, it'll look like a suit but without the jacket and maybe he can borrow a pair of shoes off somebody.

We were invited to a black tie wedding recently and I nearly had a fit, cause I thought it was some cheek to have a black tie wedding in the middle of a recession. The renting of the tux was dear so we went in to Pennys and bought a black suit and I got a dicki bow for next to nothing and my bf looked exactly the same as everyone else, only a much cheaper version!! I think there's ways and means around it but I'd definitely try and go a more dressy route.

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 2:29pm

seamus wrote: »

Who cares? You're there to celebrate the marriage of a friend, not to impress a bunch of strangers.

If he's not comfortable in suits and he doesn't look like a complete mess in black jeans and a shirt, then who gives a ****, really?

I'm liking your sentiment, thank you. However, this is not a friend. And these are not friends who we will be spending the entire day with. They are colleagues, which makes it much worse because they're all about appearances:( Which, I think, makes it worse, because they're so much more judgemental. That, and the fact that we are there for the whole shebang. Ceremony, hanging around, hotel, more hanging around, dinner, more hanging around. Which I fear doesn't help our cause, much as I care not about their opinions:cool:

As I said though, nevertheless would any of these factors make any difference to you if you were my colleagues/the bride/groom?

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 2:34pm

[/quote]We were invited to a black tie wedding recently and I nearly had a fit, cause I thought it was some cheek to have a black tie wedding in the middle of a recession. The renting of the tux was dear so we went in to Pennys and bought a black suit and I got a dicki bow for next to nothing and my bf looked exactly the same as everyone else, only a much cheaper version!! I think there's ways and means around it but I'd definitely try and go a more dressy route.[/quote]

That's grand, but I take it your bf feels comfortable in/doesn't mind wearing suits? Please correct if I'm wrong. My bf doesn't, physically or mentally. They're just not him, physically or mentally. Would this make a difference to you, or would you personally still insist that your bf wear a suit?

I'm not going to tell my bf anything, he's responsible for himself. Also, I think he would look perfectly presentable. Like I said though, I don't want to be offending anyone either. Much less colleagues.

pickarooney · 07-10-2009 2:36pm

Why on earth did this person invite you to the wedding and what possessed you to accept?

seamus · 07-10-2009 2:41pm

How can your colleagues be offended when it's not their wedding day? If they want to spend money, that's their choice. No, I wasn't offended when a couple of people turned up to my wedding in slacks/jeans and a shirt.

I would be a little annoyed in the "Ah here, would you not even make an effort" way, if they'd turned up in pyjamas or red 20-hole docs.

A dark pair of jeans looks fine with shoes (docs are fine as long as the jeans go *over* the docs) and a shirt. I wouldn't wear a tie with jeans though, looks silly.

If you're really concerned, then a pair of black chords or slacks from Penneys/Dunnes should work - they're equally comfortable as jeans (if not more so), and they won't break the bank or compromise your boyfriend's personality.

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 2:42pm

pickarooney wrote: »

Why on earth did this person invite you to the wedding and what possessed you to accept?

I accepted because A) I didn't have the sense at the time of finding out the date to make up an excuse, and

She's my colleague. It's a small office of 6 people (including me), and everyone else is going. This is purely a keeping-up-appearances thing. Ironic, considering the questions being posed here:rolleyes:

As for the bride? God knows. She doesn't like me, yet lacks the self-awareness to know I do not like her. I guess she wanted to feel popular by having as many people as possible around her on the day (over 200).

OS119 · 07-10-2009 2:48pm

hi OP, normally i'd be a 'ah fcuk it - who cares' merchant, but i think that weddings/christenings/funerals are just 'different' and that the rules about them are similarly different to the way we pick our 'looks' in normal life.

i wear a suit to the three above examples, thats it, no others - and from personal experience i can be sure that the reaction from the Bride and Groom isn't going to be 'i'm glad you came in what you were comfortable with', it'll be 'could you not just make an effort for one fcuking day?'

you don't have to spend a fortune on a suit - i certainly didn't for my wedding - and all this hair/make-up shite is just that, shite - but i can assure you that they will be well put out that while they've been planning thing for a dogs age, probably spend a fortune - not least on the food that you and your BF will happily eat - your BF couldn't manage to put a suit on for a few hours.

my B-I-L probably looks the same as your BF, long hair, smart dark jeans, dark shirt, shiny shoes, and he stands out a mile and looks like an absolute bag of shite in my wedding photos. he's a nice bloke, i like him a lot, but all that came over on the day was that he was a rebel who couldn't get over that the most important aspect of the day wasn't his personal comfort and self image.

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 2:56pm

OS119 wrote: »

my B-I-L probably looks the same as your BF, long hair, smart dark jeans, dark shirt, shiny shoes, and he stands out a mile and looks like an absolute bag of shite in my wedding photos. he's a nice bloke, i like him a lot, but all that came over on the day was that he was a rebel who couldn't get over that the most important aspect of the day wasn't his personal comfort and self image.

I take it by B-I-L you mean bro in law? Hence why he would have been in photos. We won't. We're colleagues. Also, the bf and I try to stay out of those sorts of photos anyway unless absolutely requested to. The bf is particularly good at making himself invisible, in any case.

As an aside, while it's easy to tell the gender of some posters here purely from their names, it's slightly harder with others as the names are neutral and I'm a total newb here

Are you male or female, perchance? It's relevant in this case, cos it's very much a female-oriented office. A balance of opinions from males and females would be useful to have, to better evaluate the different opinions!

OS119 · 07-10-2009 3:15pm

i'm a bloke, and my B-I-L (he was my S-I-L's new, casual BF at the time), despite being what, in other circumstances, would have been quite smart and perfectly presentable, looked very, very out of place. and i felt personally 'snubbed' that he couldn't be arsed to go out of his way for a few hours on someones wedding day.

i'm no fan of big flashy weddings, i hate them - mine certainly wasn't picture perfect or stuffy - but i was very offended that someone who had accepted a wedding invitation put their own comfort/style/look/whatever above what to us, was 'proper'.

everyone has differing views on whats 'proper' and its entirely subjective, but, on wedding day its the Bride and Grooms version of 'proper' that holds sway. you know what that is, if you don't like it, don't go.

ManOfMystery · 07-10-2009 3:16pm

I'm also of the mindset that it's one day of your life, could your bf not make the effort to wear a little more than jeans?

Fair enough, he doesn't like to wear suits - nor do I, I despise wearing them to work and dress down most days. However, as already posted, there are certain 'special' occasions where you just have to make the effort for a few hours - Weddings and funerals being two notable examples.

He could probably get away with a nice shirt and trousers with no tie, if that's what bothers him.

I was at a wedding recently where a guy wore jeans, and it wasn't a popular choice. No-one was snobby, no-one was judgemental, no-one looked down their noise at him - we simply all thought, 'we made the effort for one f**king day to dress up, could he not have done the same?'. People wear jeans day in and day out, and when you go to a wedding, it's really not that painful to put on different clothes.

LegacyUser · 07-10-2009 3:17pm

As others have said, could your bf not compromise slightly & wear black cords and maybe a white / colour shirt rather than a black one, plus a more ordinary pair of shoes.

I know where you're coming from as I have friends who dress like your bf (bikers mainly) & this is the compromise they make when attending weddings. Some of them wear a black waistcoat as well which eliminates the need for a tie.

Darthhoob · 07-10-2009 3:34pm

my OH is what people call an 'aging rocker' lol. but although i think he'd look smart dressed as your oh would be....he wouldn't look smart to others. he wore a suit to my friends wedding...just like he would to a job interview or a funeral. it, more than anything, showed that he made the effort as he NEVER ears a suit unless a very special occassion.

the comfort thing doesn't really wash with me, seeing as i was a bridesmaid and was made to wear heels, which i dont like and sunk into the grass...and the dress (i hate dresses, and think i look stoopid in them). BUT i looked damned good....i changed for the buffet and disco later on. people often wear clothes uncomfortable to a wedding etc.

end of the day it's upto you and your OH what you wear, but you need to take into account that you need to look like you made the effort to be smart..and as much as blakc jeans etc looks nice and smart to you, it probably wouldn't to most guests at a wedding.

Taltos · 07-10-2009 3:46pm

I too hate suits.

But for a colleagues wedding recently I did make the following concessions.
Trousers - from Penny's
Existing white shirt
Tie - from Penny's

At the end of the day - it was not my day and I did not want to detract from their experience. In the end I was glad I made these concessions to my jeans - even so I still was out of place as everyone else were in suits etc - but at least I was tidy and presentable.

Not much effort/cost needed on my side but at least no-one left thinking I had just rolled in off the street.

Oh The Humanity · 07-10-2009 3:48pm

Everything sounds find really except the black jeans. I hate getting gussied up too so I understand where you are coming from but it would be really only a small compromise for your boyfriend to wear at least slacks.

Don't get me wrong I know slacks are revolting as are suits. My boyfriend also has long hair and had to wear a black tux one time for a black tie wedding. It looked bizarre with long blond hair but hey ho its all about the bride and groom rather than the guests!

Everyone would love to wear jeans deep down but they make the sacrifice to look a certain way for the sake of the bride and groom. Wearing jeans kind of sends out the signal that you think you are exceptional in some way so it would probably be nicer to just get him to wear a suit or slacks....euw...I know.....

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 3:51pm

I'm interested in people's perception of black shirts as being less presentable. Why is this? I would have thought that in the list of items he was wearing, this would be the least of his worries! :P

Just to clarify on the docs, they're not mad looking things, so would look like shoes under the jeans. As I said, just to clarify.

Oh yeah, as an addition - no "black tie" or "formal wear" caviats were added to the invites - would this make a difference? Like, I'm thinking if people were that bothered about what people were going to wear, they would have said so? Although the bride and groom may well have just taken it for granted what people were going to wear.

TheBlock · 07-10-2009 4:02pm

Save yourself a lot of hassle and come down with pig flu, miraculously recover and go for a nice meal with your bloke instead, it sounds like you will not be comfortable and not enjoy the day so why put yourself and your other half through it.

implausible · 07-10-2009 4:08pm

Let me get this straight - you don't like the bride, you're not bothered about your work colleagues, your boyfriend refuses to wear a suit under any circumstances and you're aware that people are going to judge him on his appearance for the entire day. That sounds like 4 reasons not to go to me.

You insist on going but won't do something to make the day easier. It sounds like you're both protesting at the fact that you have to go. Would you want someone at your wedding with that attitude?

You don't have to go.

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 4:09pm

TheBlock wrote: »

Save yourself a lot of hassle and come down with pig flu, miraculously recover and go for a nice meal with your bloke instead, it sounds like you will not be comfortable and not enjoy the day so why put yourself and your other half through it.

You have no idea how tempted we both are to do this

I really don't know if it would wash though - would it? Also, on my part it would involve putting on a performance the day before (a Friday) in work, saying I don't feel good...I guess I could do this, however...and I would have to sweep my ethics aside, this I know...

OS119 · 07-10-2009 4:13pm

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Everyone would love to wear jeans deep down but they make the sacrifice to look a certain way for the sake of the bride and groom. Wearing jeans kind of sends out the signal that you think you are exceptional in some way...

^^^this^^^

absolutely nothing send out the signal 'throbber!' than people who act in a manner that suggests they (and their views) are more important than the bridal couple on a wedding day.

90% of the blokes at the wedding would much prefer to be in jeans and a t-shirt - including the groom - but they make the effort, so everyone else can as well.

anyone who's not been living at the bottom of the sea for the last 200 years knows that the default attire for a wedding is suit and tie, so if you can't manage that, don't accept wedding invitations (or go to funerals) unless you know that its not what they want.

put your BF in a suit - or tell him not to go - go to the wedding, and accept the discomfort as the price of your self-obsessed, and willful ignorance of the social morays of modern life.

shellyboo · 07-10-2009 4:13pm

I say either go, with good grace, in conventional wedding attire; or don't. There's no point in going to something you don't want to go to for the sake of the bride/your colleagues if you then piss them off by not dressing appropriately. It negates the purpose of going in the first place, tbh.

TheBlock · 07-10-2009 4:16pm

Boyfriend gets pig flu on Friday you can't leave him, I think you collegues will be too busy enjoying their day to notice your not there after the first half hour or so. You could start laying the ground work straight away by saying you may not be able to make it as the OH is not well etc.
I really wouldn't want my other half attending a do with me that I knew they would be very uncomfortable at never mind one where I was also going to feel uncomfortable reagrdless of the reasons.

By the way if you do go get him to wear a suit or even slacks with a shirt and tie for the ceremony he can disgard the tie as soon as you reach the bar in the hotel. He won't feel comfortable in the clothes but at least you'll both feel comfortable in the presence of your collegues.

Richie · 07-10-2009 4:19pm

It's your colleagues wedding, and you shouldn't have to feel obliged to spend a fortune on new clothes, hair make-up etc. That being said, if your boyfriend isn't prepared to make a bit more of an effort than wearing jeans and docs to a wedding, then he really shouldn't be there. He might get away with it if it was just the afters, but you've been invited for the whole day but seriously mate, it's a WEDDING!

This girl, like her or not, is spending a small fortune on inviting you to the most important day of her life. The least your boyfriend can do is buy a pair of trousers and a half decent shirt - you really don't need to spend a fortune to look good in this day and age.

tbh · 07-10-2009 4:23pm

shellyboo wrote: »

I say either go, with good grace, in conventional wedding attire; or don't. There's no point in going to something you don't want to go to for the sake of the bride/your colleagues if you then piss them off by not dressing appropriately. It negates the purpose of going in the first place, tbh.

yeah, would have to agree with this. I hate hate hate suits, but I wouldn't go to a wedding in jeans.

just say your b/f is sick and have a day with him instead.

Oh The Humanity · 07-10-2009 4:25pm

If you pretend to be sick at this short notice the couple will still have to pay for your meal which is a nasty thing to do.

I've been to loads of weddings say as a +1 where I don't really know the bride and groom, and I find weddings fairly boring and formulaic but so does everyone. So I put on a nice frock (:( spew) bring a nice gift and coo over the dinner, table decorations and Brides mothers hat. Why?

Because its not all about me. Its someone elses big important day and why be spiteful or hurtful.
I think the point is you be a grown up and go along with good grace and behave pleasantly for the day.

If you pull a sickie no-one will be impressed. Also you say you work in a small office of 6 people, that would make things even more awkward for yourself.

Never mind the fact its a bit childish. You don't have to like the people, just show them the basic respect of going to the wedding you were invited to, pass yourselves off in an average way without drawing attention to yourselves.

The bride will have asked you as she doesn't want you to feel left out. Just go along gracefully and put your own feelings aside.

Pocket Pillager · 07-10-2009 4:30pm

TheBlock wrote: »

Boyfriend gets pig flu on Friday you can't leave him, I think you collegues will be too busy enjoying their day to notice your not there after the first half hour or so. You could start laying the ground work straight away by saying you may not be able to make it as the OH is not well etc.
I really wouldn't want my other half attending a do with me that I knew they would be very uncomfortable at never mind one where I was also going to feel uncomfortable reagrdless of the reasons.

Thanks, I think I may be going with this option. Regardless of what either of us wears (black tie or casual) it's not going to be particularly enjoyable (for us). Thanks everyone for your replies though, it is appreciated! All further opinions/alternatives would be welcome...

[/quote]anyone who's not been living at the bottom of the sea for the last 200 years knows that the default attire for a wedding is suit and tie, so if you can't manage that, don't accept wedding invitations (or go to funerals) unless you know that its not what they want.

put your BF in a suit - or tell him not to go - go to the wedding, and accept the discomfort as the price of your self-obsessed, and willful ignorance of the social morays of modern life.[/quote]

My understanding of the 'Personal Issues' thread is that replies should be constructive and/or helpful, no? I fail to see how calling my bf and I self-obsessed and willfully ignorant is helpful or constructive, when I am asking for people's opinions on what wear is considered acceptable, so as not to cause offence (thereby totally negating your comments, as someone of this nature would not have even thought to ask).

Hrududu · 07-10-2009 4:31pm

I'd say either he wears a suit or he doesn't go. Most of the guys at the wedding would prefer to be in jeans but out of respect they'll wear a suit. If you can't do that for one day then it really says a lot.

LegacyUser · 07-10-2009 5:05pm

My sis was at a wedding earlier this year - it was one of her oldest friends. Another girl from the group of friends turned up with her bf in tow and he was in jeans.

I saw the photo and could not believe it. How hard is it to dress up and show a bit of respect.

As for every guy wanting to be in jeans, well, I enjoy dressing up for special occasions; it adds to the sense of occasion.

If he won't wear a suit then just go on your own. He won't be missed and you show your face.

bangersandmash · 07-10-2009 5:24pm

deemark wrote: »

You insist on going but won't do something to make the day easier.

This is a key point. OP an obvious solution is that, for your sake, your boyfriend overcomes his dislike of suits for one day. Even a shirt and slacks would be reasonable concession. If you really must go (and it sounds a little late and childish to drop out now), why not take the easy route? If money is an issue LIDL are even doing a €27.99 suit these days, though I wouldn't vouch for it

I have no objection to suits but I know men who do. Yet they always have at least one dark nondescript suit at the back of their wardrobes which appears any time there is a wedding/funeral/interview.

As a matter of curiosity OP if you had to attend a family funeral soon, would your boyfriend wear his regular clothes just because it would make him more comfortable? If he had a job interview would he turn up in jeans? This problem is going to reoccur in the future.

rs · 07-10-2009 5:42pm

I don't think I'd really care if someone came to my wedding in jeans. I don't even remember if anyone came to my wedding in jeans. It's not the kind of thing I'd notice or care about. I'd prefer to see people enjoy themselves than be wearing a stuffy uncomfortable suit.

You wearing regular nice clothes I don't see as a problem at all.

Your bf wearing jeans though. He's probably going to stand out, look out of place, and most likely feel out of place. He's more than likely going to attract negative attention because people will feel he's being disrespectful. He's already an outsider at the wedding (because he probably does not know many people there, as he is your guest)

TBH, I'd lose the jeans and wear a pair of black trousers instead. Dark shirt and docs fine, but jeans somehow seems to be pushing it.

Personally, I would not care at all. But other people probably will.

Terodil · 07-10-2009 5:58pm

I personally wouldn't care a BIT about outfit as long as it's clean and more or less intact. God, why would anybody believe that the happiness of the couple or the quality of the party would depend on whether a guy was wearing jeans or dress pants.

That said, and as stupid as it is, I think this is a situation where you need to choose your battle. I don't think this is one.

bangersandmash · 07-10-2009 6:19pm

Terodil wrote: »

I personally wouldn't care a BIT about outfit as long as it's clean and more or less intact. God, why would anybody believe that the happiness of the couple or the quality of the party would depend on whether a guy was wearing jeans or dress pants.

That said, and as stupid as it is, I think this is a situation where you need to choose your battle. I don't think this is one.

Agree in some respects. The idea that the bride's day will hinge on one guy wearing jeans is pretty egotistical.

But there's another dimension to this. Basically this event is a glorified work outing for the OP, with her boyfriend in tow. It's not too much to ask the OP's boyfriend to wear something smart simply to make the day and her work life a little easier. This is probably the wrong time for him to assert his dislike for conforming to standard dress codes. The same would apply at a family funeral or a job interview.

Johnnnybravo · 07-10-2009 6:20pm

Go into penneys and get the fella a black pants and some class of a tie, or a cheap ass shirt and tie set that comes in a packet.

I think itd save yerself the hassle. If twas the afters grand wear what you want but I think for a full thing ditch the levi`s and get a pants, just looks so much better.

Theres no need to spend loads of money but a little effort goes a long way.

God I hate wedding politics but for the sake of one day make the effort and be done with it.

LadyMayBelle · 07-10-2009 6:20pm

I would go down the avoiding the jeans route. i understand people may feel uncomfortable in a suit, especially if they have never worn one or for some reason feel they will be uncomfortable in slacks. In my opinion he should get over it (politely said:)) for the day and dress the part, and i don't mean spending loads. As it has been said, head into Dunnes or Penneys for the few bits.

I can see you are saying on one hand you shouldn't care what people think, but there are times when you need to make the effort.

Enjoy!

lolli · 07-10-2009 6:29pm

If someone turned up at my wedding wearing a pair of jeans I would not be impressed. Its the bride and grooms day so i'm sure your bf can wear a pair of trousers for a few hours. Penneys, Dunnes, Tesco all have very reasonably priced suits that wont break the bank. You can hire a suit for a day either or borrow one.

As for yourself, no-one is going to care if you've wore a skirt you wore before, but why don;t you check with friends and see if you could borrow something. As long as you look clean and not scruffy you should be fine. I know lots of people who do their own hair and make up.

Seriously though if you aren't going to respect the bride and grooms day I wouldnt bother going.

Shelga · 07-10-2009 6:35pm

You need to ask yourself which option carries less risk.

1) Your boyfriend wears what he wants, probably upsets the bride and groom, tensions mount even further in the workplace;

2) You put your personal comfort aside for one day and nothing bad comes of it work-wise.

You said yourself this couple is all about keeping up appearances, so personally I would go for option 1. You seem to be making a bigger deal of it than it actually is, how much 'mental discomfort' comes from wearing a suit for one day, really? It's hard to say if your outfit is 'acceptable' without seeing it, but it sounds fine. If I were you I would be thinking of the long-term repercussions at work. Just grit your teeth and do what you know they want you to do.

However you seem to already have your mind made up.

07-10-2009 6:37pm

It sounds like you don't really want to be there and will just be sitting around looking miserable all day so please just stay at home wearing what you want and don't make the bride, groom and other guests feel miserable too.

Monkey61 · 07-10-2009 6:55pm

I don't know why anyone would care what someone wore to their wedding. It's only clothes. I would much rather my guests be comfortable than not be themselves. Wearing clothes that really aren't you can be the most horrible feeling in the world and I would hate the idea that I was inflicting that upon someone!

Who would even be judging someone else's attire anyway? Surely people have better things to do?

Anyway, by the way you have described these people Op, they sound horrible. Don't go to the wedding. Say your boyfriend is sick and you need to be with him and then offer to pay for your dinners. Sorted.

implausible · 07-10-2009 7:30pm

Monkey61 wrote: »

I don't know why anyone would care what someone wore to their wedding. It's only clothes. I would much rather my guests be comfortable than not be themselves. Wearing clothes that really aren't you can be the most horrible feeling in the world and I would hate the idea that I was inflicting that upon someone!

It's not so much about the clothes, but respect. My bro-in-law wore a shirt and cardigan to our wedding, he had already made it obvious he didn't want to be there and his clothes and grumpy face in the photos only made this even more obvious. He was like a spoilt child, sulking. I wouldn't have minded so much if we hadn't shelled out a small fortune to go to their wedding abroad, where my OH sweltered in a suit (which, incidentally he hates wearing, but he knows when an effort has to be made).

A wedding is a formal celebration. If you're going to attend one, dress in a way that befits the occasion.

OP, it really sounds like either way you're going to be miserable. Don't go.

MizzLolly · 07-10-2009 7:40pm

Whatever about turning up in a pair of jeans the docs are a huge no no. The fact that you even had to ask this question here should tell you something?

Your attitude towards this day isn't particularly pleasant but that's fine if you don't like the person all that much, just don't go. Nothing worse than false smiles and that sort of rubbish. Either go and make the effort or don't go at all. The half attempt is a bit insulting. And I normally wouldn't be bothered by stuff like this but come on, you accepted the invitation, you're not being forced to go.

username123 · 07-10-2009 7:54pm

Jeans are just not the proper attire for a wedding. To put it in a different perspective - would YOU wear jeans to it? No, youre wearing a nice skirt and top.

Jeans are what we slouch about in to be comfy. If youre going to someones wedding you dress up. It doesnt mean he has to wear a 3 piece suit, but he should dress as if he were going to a job interview. Slacks, a nice shirt, nice shoes. Its not that much of an effort tbh.

Personally I would think if you are not willing to dress for the occasion, then dont go. Its anti social and disrespectful to show up underdressed for an event that someone else is paying for.

IndigoStarr · 07-10-2009 9:47pm

Definitely avoid jeans. They just aren't appropriate.
As everyone else here is saying, if you really must go (and from the sounds of it, you really shouldn't be. I'd never go to a wedding of someone I hated) just send the bf into Penneys for cheap black trousers, white shirt and tie. He'll probably have to get some anyway for funerals/interviews/christenings etc.

Whispered · 07-10-2009 10:18pm

Fair enough your BF doesn't want to conform to normal social standards for a couple he doesn't know. But surely for you he could make a bit of an effort. Even if just to save you the bother of worrying about it.

CDfm · 07-10-2009 10:47pm

These are work colleagues and while your outfit seems fine you b/fs is OTT.What is appropriate for a 21st is not appropriate for a Wedding.

If he cant wear a suit that day he shouldn't go and will stand out in photos for years to come.

Its often the case that those with alternative ideas want to impose them on the rest of the world. Its attention seeking in a way and takes away from the event.

If you advanced in your career and your OH needed to attend an important business/work function with you and it affected you personally I doubt you would be so relaxed about it.

Very selfish IMHO.

dellas1979 · 07-10-2009 10:59pm

I dont see anything wrong with the black shirt. Maybe he could compromise? Maybe he could buy a cheap pair of trouser pants in penneys or somewhere and a tie? He doesnt have to wear a suit jacket and the tie could be loosened or off after the dinner.

I wear jeans all the time, but I would not wear them to a wedding. Would you wear jeans, any colour, to a wedding? If not, why is it ok for your boyfriend?

we'llallhavetea_old · 07-10-2009 11:51pm

hi op,
i think you should wear whatever the hell you want. you're not going to be in any of the pictures! are a pair of jeans going to ruin the couples wedding day? i really dont think so. and if it did, its their stuck up problem tbh. i know if i was getting married i wouldnt be concerned if my guests came dressed in a bloody binbag. they invited you, wear whatever you want.

humph.

Fiend-Foe · 07-10-2009 11:53pm

"He doesn't like wearing suits"

That sounds so ridiculous and childish.

Most people don't like wearing them. Most would be more comfortable in jeans but they are making the effort.

Why is your BF so special that he doesn't have to?

Either make the effort or don't go, simple.

Are we going to taint this wedding?

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