How does your other half feel about your training?

RubyK

I'm just wondering how you juggle family life/social life and training? Does your other half get fed up with all the time spent out on the roads, or are they quite happy to have you out of the house for a few hours :D

Sub430

Other half was sick of me boring her with LSR, PMPs and the like so she took up running too. She is now also running the marathon (and is in far better shape than me ).

kennyb3

she joins in, but only does a max of 5 miles at the moment. she likes that im motivated and excited by it and thankfully is more than happy to listen to me. i try keep it to a minimum tho.

Lemon

Just like Sub430's OH, my gf was sick of me going on about training for the marathon so jumped into the programme at week 3! Great company for the long runs and we've been singing from the same hymn sheet re not going on mad ones, eating the right things and generally being far too well behaved...:rolleyes:

Woddle

She hates it so I try to be a bit more considerate and get my training done in the mornings when she's in work. I also remind her of what fat woddle use to look like
I also have to pick my moments when I'm telling her I'm going here for a board meeting or here for photography duties and here for racing. I think she would prefer my football days to make a return.

Also I've stopped boring her about my training, I now have boards to fill that void.

RubyK

It's great that your other halfs have gotten the bug (so to speak ). Makes life much easier I'd say. I'd like to go out running with my husband, but he doesn't really have much of an interest in it, so it's just me and my mp3 for company.

KentuckyPete

She's a sport head herself (badminton/tennis at a fairly serious level) so when she commented about the volume of training going on it wasn't hard to persuade of the benefits. Also the oldest of the small lads is gone big into the swimming and did the kids tri at Eireman so we're all happy families.

It definitely gets a bit stressful during:

1. The heavy training periods six to four weeks out from an event (e.g. the last three weeks in preparing for DCM or August Bank Holiday weekend 2009 when preparing for Eireman)

2. The last week of the taper period for a big event where you have way too much energy, are totally hyped up about the upcoming race and can't seem to give domestic affairs their due focus (e.g. Hopefully Oct 18th to 25th 2009 )

There is one other tactic - link it to the mid-life crisis and offer her the opportunity to be witness to one of the four M's:

1. Mercedes
2. Motorbike
3. Mistress
4. Marathon :cool:

hunnymonster

I didn't realise just how lucky I was with my OH until a car trip with Woddle a couple of months ago. Sport is pretty central in our home. My OH and I both do a lot but never together (or almost never together). Sometimes we crew for each other on longer events but neither of us like that aspect, it's just what you do though, isn't it? (aside: give me crewing for a stranger over a loved on any day)

Getting time together can be a problem but we both generate the away time so it's not an issue that causes rows or anything like that. Because he works shifts and I work 9-5, he is a night owl, I'm an early bird combined with various study, coaching, training commitments we actually have to schedule time to chill sometimes. For example last week I was away racing at the weekend, came home had 10 hours overlap before he headed to Dover to crew a channel swim and then we were straight into other stuff. It was 10 days where I had literally seen him for 10 hours (and most of that was asleep)

Mind you, I was giving out on FB this morning because I was outside in the rain at 7am this morning emptying the water out of a K2 kayak (it's a 2 person job)

tunney

I think once you get over the initial "oooohh I'm a runner/triathlete/whatever" phase that we all go through it stops being something you do and just something you are. By that stage the OHs generally understand I think - its who you are and what you do. Change it, change you.

Woddle

tunney wrote: »

I think once you get over the initial "oooohh I'm a runner/triathlete/whatever" phase that we all go through it stops being something you do and just something you are. By that stage the OHs generally understand I think - its who you are and what you do. Change it, change you.

Is this really Tunney? I'm finding myself agreeing more and more with what he says

RJC

KentuckyPete wrote: »

She's a sport head herself (badminton/tennis at a fairly serious level) so when she commented about the volume of training going on it wasn't hard to persuade of the benefits. Also the oldest of the small lads is gone big into the swimming and did the kids tri at Eireman so we're all happy families.

It definitely gets a bit stressful during:

1. The heavy training periods six to four weeks out from an event (e.g. the last three weeks in preparing for DCM or August Bank Holiday weekend 2009 when preparing for Eireman)

2. The last week of the taper period for a big event where you have way too much energy, are totally hyped up about the upcoming race and can't seem to give domestic affairs their due focus (e.g. Hopefully Oct 18th to 25th 2009 )

There is one other tactic - link it to the mid-life crisis and offer her the opportunity to be witness to one of the four M's:

1. Mercedes
2. Motorbike
3. Mistress
4. Marathon :cool:

I have 3 of the 4! That said, the merc is a 1971 and not some stupid new one.

With 2 daughters in the house there is no room for another woman!

What'll I end up doing when I turn 40!?

littlebug

Thankfully my OH has also just been bitten by the running bug ( I should say rebitten after a 20 year gap). We've never run together as someone's gotta mind the kids He also has no interest in races as of yet ... I'm trying to convince him to aim for the connemara half with me. I think that'd be pretty cool :cool: except he'd beat me which wouldn't be cool at all.

mcdonrob

RubyK wrote: »

I'm just wondering how you juggle family life/social life and training? Does your other half get fed up with all the time spent out on the roads, or are they quite happy to have you out of the house for a few hours :D

I know my wife views the long training as indulgent, especially that which interferes with normal family routines, which (I suppose) it is. But from the time we met I've always gone through phases of swimming/running. I've learnt to try and cause as little disruption as possible by going out early morning where I can. This suits us as I'm an early riser (years of red-eye's) and my wife is not (years of lie-ins). This tends to work out well even when on holidays as (having woken with the birds) I'm not hopping impatiently from one foot to the other while my wife gets on with the important task of the lie-in. However, I've always envied those couples I see running together but wonder would either of us have the desire to speed up or patience to slow down.

DustyBin

So far so good
Mrs DB is very proud of all the recent running / cycling / swimming I've been doing, and is a great support
Like has been mentioned by other people above, she has also taken up a bit of running herself recently so that helps
I nearly always go out early morning though, that way we get to spend the evening together

hunnymonster

mcdonrob wrote: »

However, I've always envied those couples I see running together but wonder would either of us have the desire to speed up or patience to slow down.

Have a listen to the conversation between one of those couple's next time. They are almost always fighting. [/gross generalisation]

Carb

Can't say I've run into trouble yet. For the past 2 years I've been getting up before 5 to get to Dublin for work anyway, so now I get up at 4.30 to get an hour in the pool/gym before work. She's used to me not been there in the mornings. In the evenings, I don't run until the kids have gone to bed, and she is watching the soaps. I'm not doing long stuff at the weekends yet, but I can't see it causing major hassle as long as she gets a lie-in on one of the days. In general, she has been very supportive, which is a miracle considering the money I seem to be getting through.

BeepBeep67

littlebug wrote: »

Thankfully my OH has also just been bitten by the running bug

I didn't know you bit

BeepBeep67

For me my OH is very understanding most of the time.
A lot of it is down to me communicating the 'whens' and the 'wheres' and being able to recognise when I need to change my plans and put myself in her shoes from time to time.
My deal is, get to work early (07:30) leave on time (17:00), be home by 19:00 to spend time with the kids and try not to do email after that.

hisholinessnb

Her Holiness NB is very supportive but I do sympathise. I do my LSRs early in the morning at the weekends so I dont miss too much family time, as holiness junior has decided he wants to try running too, but he aint mastered walking yet!

The problem is after an LSR I aint exactly a bundle of joy. Does anyone else need a quick 20 min nap in the afternoon of an LSR to make yourself bearable?

TFBubendorfer

She's asleep for 90% of my training, and the occasional hour where my absence coincides with her waking time is easily tolerated.

We tend to make family weekends out of races that require travelling. That's going down very well.

Besides, I did promise her the occasional trip to a "destination" marathon. She's very much looking forward to some of those!

kennyb3

I did a bit of cycling too, so now she is delighted im only gone for an hour or two and not 3 to 4 hours on the bike.

also like tfb, i plan to use races down the country as part of a romantic get away. already said id take her to waterford for the half

rainbow kirby

What OH

metamorphosis

rainbow kirby wrote: »

What OH

+1

But with my friends - they are understanding (well, most of them). They know that it is who i am and i am not going to change that. I do try and keep the talk to a minimum about it though ... don't want to bore them!

Some of them have come to cheer me on in races though which does mean a lot to me.

Seres

tunney wrote: »

I think once you get over the initial "oooohh I'm a runner/triathlete/whatever" phase that we all go through it stops being something you do and just something you are. By that stage the OHs generally understand I think - its who you are and what you do. Change it, change you.

totally agree 100%, OH now understands its something i need in my life , try to do all my training while kids are asleep so that helps , his space is his computer time ( alot more that my training time i might add) and it works out ok most of the time .

Seres

hunnymonster wrote: »

Have a listen to the conversation between one of those couple's next time. They are almost always fighting. [/gross generalisation]

was just thinking the same thing , haha

RubyK

rainbow kirby wrote: »

What OH

Sorry, I didn't mean to presume everyone is in a relationship

dna_leri

I think it's something like the phases of grief :
Denial - this won't last!
Anger - you are never at home!
Bargaining - if you get to run that race Sunday, then I get next weekend to myself.
Depression - this is not going to change is it?
Acceptance - this is part of who you are.

I am still in the bargaining phase, trying to move quickly to acceptance.

RubyK

hisholinessnb wrote: »

The problem is after an LSR I aint exactly a bundle of joy. Does anyone else need a quick 20 min nap in the afternoon of an LSR to make yourself bearable?

I'm not at LSR levels yet, but did my furthest run on Saturday afternoon (8.5 miles) - I was shattered after it, and not great company Saturday night (I fell asleep after two glasses of wine). This makes me feel a bit guilty

HardyEustace

As long as I'm not faster (not a big problem at the moment) there's no problem.;)

sideswipe

What OH

Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow kirby
What OH


+1

But with my friends - they are understanding (well, most of them). They know that it is who i am and i am not going to change that. I do try and keep the talk to a minimum about it though ... don't want to bore them!

Some of them have come to cheer me on in races though which does mean a lot to me.

Here's an idea...... why don't u kids get to gether and turn those frowns upside down

eliwallach

I'm in Woddle's camp on thos one.
Mrs Wallach was all support and encouragement last year when I announced that I was gonna have a stab at the Dublin marathon. However, she thought that when the marathon was over that I would have ticked that off my "list of things to do". However, I only really got seriously into it when the marathon was over.
I approach the topic of race days carefully and generally pick my moments for when to inform her of upcoming races. Usually if I trade a few lie-ins with her, she sees sense :rolleyes:.
Training ain't too much of an impact on family & social life (ha ha ha, I laughed when typing that.....what social life - those of you with small kids will understand) as I get it done during lunch time.
LSR's at weekends, I try to get done in early morning as this usually suits all of us (although Mrs Wallach thinks that a large fry/grill on the table immediately on my return is a huge favour to me, I don't even have time for a shower and I'm sitting down to black pudding , sausages etc. I need about an hour before I can get stuck into something substantial like that - I just haven't the heart to tell her after all the trouble she goes to ).
Recently she has made discreet enquiries about going for a small run - have I finally won her over/worn her down :P.
Having said all of the above she is secretly proud of me and does a little bit of boasting about me to her friends - not in front of me mind!

Gringo78

eliwallach wrote: »

I'm in Woddle's camp on thos one.

+1 Although OH is coming around now that she sees that I've stuck at the training, that it wasn't just a fad. She's now got to the stage where she will suggest some weekends that I go for a run as she's realised that I pretty much always put family before running. I spent a lot of time drinking & partying in my 20's rather than running so why should she suffer now that I've got some sense? She broached the subject yesterday of when & where my next marathon will be which is a massive turning point though....I think she may have reached the acceptance stage!

tunney

I haven't done my OH justice here. Last year I was given free reign to train for IM. The understanding was that I would switch back to short course racing for a few years after that for family reasons. No problems. Then given my DNF in Austria (and the fact I carried on against all medical advice and reasonable sane rationale) I was obviously devastated that that the IM dream was over for a good few years. I never asked, but I was told to go down the next morning and enter for next year despite the change in circumstances.

I am constantly amazed at the level of support and advice given to me by my OH. There have been a few mornings since my return to training that I've hit snooze at 0530 instead of getting up to go swimming/cycling/whatever only to get an elbow in the ribs - "FFS HTFU Dave, this IM is not going to do itself".

OHs can have just as much a vested interest as us in our events and our attempts to achieve our goals. I know my OH was probably more upset in the immediate days after my DNF that I was. They make sacrafices too for us to do it, of course they have a vested interest. Its important to realise this, appreciate this and never abuse it. As long as your priorities are right and its obvious that they are right I believe no OH will begrude you.

Blueskye

rainbow kirby wrote: »

What OH

+1
But my family and most of my friends think I'm nuts, they cannot conceive why I would want to spend 3 hours running on a weekend day

eliwallach

tunney wrote: »

As long as your priorities are right and its obvious that they are right I believe no OH will begrude you.

Amen to that.

kennyb3

tunney wrote: »

There have been a few mornings since my return to training that I've hit snooze at 0530 instead of getting up to go swimming/cycling/whatever only to get an elbow in the ribs - "FFS HTFU Dave, this IM is not going to do itself".

An absolute corker. pmsl

hunnymonster

Is it possible that a quote with 3 F's in it, is the sweetest thing I've heard today!

littlebug

BeepBeep67 wrote: »

I didn't know you bit

lol. I hadn't spotted that. I didn't bite him honestly

I have to say my OH has been great for "letting" me out to run but he also knows that the thinner fitter me is a much happier me so it's worth it. The dark evenings have made it a bit harder but I don't work full time so I can get some running time when the kids are at school. I also haven't reached the really long runs point (yet) and nor has he so that could be an interesting development if we get that far. Race bargaining is funny... I was secretly pleased when he told me he had to go abroad for a week for work as i knew it would buy me some race passes I've got Athenry on Stephen's day "booked" already because we'll be entertaining his family for the few days beforehand. Guilt race passes are great.

jb-ski

Great thread, Ruby-K.

No problem in our house, mrs jb-ski also spends hours out on the streets:).
It’s actually her fault I got into this running lark, from football to triathlon to
running (both tapering now for DCM, my first 26.2) up to about 2 ½ years ago I couldn’t understand why anyone would want to run more than maybe 5k.

Big problem now is, our friends get a pain in their ***** listening to us talk incessantly about LSR’s, good runs/bad runs, new runners, gels, not drinking tonight because of…. etc etc

But I’m now trying to convert everyone I meet!

pgibbo

tunney wrote: »

OHs can have just as much a vested interest as us in our events and our attempts to achieve our goals. I know my OH was probably more upset in the immediate days after my DNF that I was. They make sacrafices too for us to do it, of course they have a vested interest. Its important to realise this, appreciate this and never abuse it. As long as your priorities are right and its obvious that they are right I believe no OH will begrude you.

+1

I took the p*ss a little bit this year in the run up to Kenmare. My OH is 99.99% of the time very supportive. She even let me sort a bike and do some runs, cycles and swims when in France on holidays a few weeks before Kenmare. :cool: However, in the few days leading up to Kenmare I fell in to the abuse trap tunney refers to above. Not good and not something I will be doing again. It's too easy to get caught up in yourself and forget how supportive our OH's are. First and last time it will happen.

In general I try to get the majority of my training done before work or at lunch time. My OH started running this summer. Although we don't run together I always try to schedule a session for when she's running or playing basketball - unless of course there are some chores for me to do!

RacoonQueen

I'm single(ish :pac:) at the moment but my ex used to absolutely wreck my head about my training and not spending enough time with him. If you want to make time for someone around your training, you will.

nosnagaoithe

I think what's key here is what some other people have said - you need to structure the training such that it impacts as little as possible on kids/OH time. I know my OH knows how much it means to me, so she cuts me a fair amount of slack.

showry

She doesn't seem to mind. She still remembers the old showry from a few years back and would probably prefer me to be staying in on a Friday night and going out on the bike the next morning than going out after work on a Friday, falling asleep on the way home and generally being a wreck and a pain in the ar$e for the rest of the weekend.
I cycle most Saturday and Sunday mornings but would generally make an effort to do something as a family in the afternoons. During the week I try and train in the mornings or lunchtimes when I can.
She probably wishes I'd stop reading the side of food packets for calories and sugar counts though.

shanagarry

:P

HardyEustace wrote: »

As long as I'm not faster (not a big problem at the moment) there's no problem.;)

Lol, this rang a bell! I think it might be the same story in my house. He runs as well, we've no kids, and we always do the same events so things work well. Because he's faster than me we don't really run together much, or at least don't usually finish together. However on Sunday we split a few km into the run, with him going the long way round on the assumption it would cancel out his speed as usual, and we would both arrive where the routes merge again around the same time. But I've obviously been getting faster and he never caught me. He arrived at the end about 5 mins after me looking incredulous saying he didn't know where I'd disappeared to and was going to turn around and go looking for me He's fiercely competitive, so watch his training ramp up now! Or else him not run with me any more!

Lots of our friends run too so the Sunday LSR has become a social thing (only training for halfs so not too hectic) where we start together, run at our own pace, then meet for drinks and/or breakfast at the end, with the non runners often popping in too.

scottreynolds

I involved my wife in the planning. I let her know what I'll be doing and when training wise.

I always don't train at all on Sundays since that the day I put aside for the family.

I also get up early - no problem getting up at 6am for a 13 mile run before getting into work.

I also (commute) run to or from work which is 10 miles.

Lastly, my family is first. Training is important to me but family is more important.

Slogger Jogger

My OH is very supportive but we still have moments were things clash but they are fairly rare I have to say. After I came in from my LSR last weekend I was told I looked like death warmed up and 'told' to make the DCM my last. We've had such conversations before and the phase normally passes. A bit like what Thomas said, my OH is normally happy to get away on trips to destination marathons (funnily enough she didn't want to travel to my Longford marathons??) and some running weekends like the IMRA Croagh Patrick events ('cos Westport is a fav place).

We often have conversations about me being too tired after runs etc and that I should lay off it, but I remind her of the couch potato that I could become (as per the 'before' running photo thread, like Woddle said). At the back of it all she supports it 'cos she knows its been great for me in recent years and odds are if I wasn't running I wouldn't be half as healthy as I now am.

geld

OH is generally supportive. However she did have a problem with my LSR's (not doing the DCM this year due to new arrival). Firstly I was gone for a few hours in the morning (usuallly at the weekend) and secondly I was Sh*g all use to her afterwards.

Occasionally she would complain of being a "running" widow. My reply was that she could be a "golf" widow instead. She plays golf herself so she knows what that involves.

SucCes09

what i want to know is.... how many have responded to this knowing that their OH was going to see their response...;)
My OH is great by the way....:D

runforrest

have spportive oh who would love so much to be still playing football hes still involved head neck and heels but i would love for him to be able to compete i feel so blessed to have found my"thing" no more searching i am a mother wife nurse...runner.. appreciated all the support from oh and kids for first ultra just have to work on him for the comrades now:)

asimonov

geld wrote: »

OH is generally supportive. However she did have a problem with my LSR's (not doing the DCM this year due to new arrival). Firstly I was gone for a few hours in the morning (usuallly at the weekend) and secondly I was Sh*g all use to her afterwards.

Occasionally she would complain of being a "running" widow. My reply was that she could be a "golf" widow instead. She plays golf herself so she knows what that involves.

i used to play a fair bit of golf so my OH thinks running is a huge improvement on that. For a start even my longest LSR doesn't take nearly a full a day to do and now i don't hang around the house looking like a twat with a polo shirt tucked into my chinos . However, she run's herself so we need to schedule things between us so we both get out. That's easy during the summer when there is plenty of daylight, but gets challenging in the winter

galwayspur

She doesn't mind me running at all as it often coincides with ANTM and other tv shows she'd rather watch alone than with me tutting every 5 mins. I have to say though, overall the support I get from her and our kids near the finish line at every race is a massive boost. Makes all the training worth it.