one night stand

LegacyUser

This is probably a bit of an immature question but I said Id ask. Is it rude to leave in the morning without saying goodbye after a one night stand.

Friday night/saturday morning, she was fast asleep and I was wide awake. The reason I ask is cause we did get on quite well the night before so I feel like an ignorant bastard just leaving. I didnt wanna wake her up, but also I wasnt really sure if I wanted her number.

Dont get me wrong I wont flatter myself she might have been delighted to see me gone its just I feel bad because we'd been having a laugh all night, it wasnt just a hammered drunk stumble back to the gaf kinda night.
Any advice would be great thanks

Candlemaker

I think it's ok if you wanted to end it like you did.... A note might have been nice next time saying "i had a great time last night" etc and your number if you wanted. If it was just a one night stand though even if she was expecting more, the rules were already set so she knew what she was getting into.

shellyboo

Yes, it's really rude.

fuzzywiggle

Yeah rude! You should have woken her to at least say "i'm headin on now"..pretty lousy form!

LegacyUser

ok thanks, if I meet her Ill apologize cause I feel like some d1ck.

patftrears

Candlemaker wrote: »

I think it's ok if you wanted to end it like you did.... A note might have been nice next time saying "i had a great time last night" etc and your number if you wanted. If it was just a one night stand though even if she was expecting more, the rules were already set so she knew what she was getting into.

OP it was harsh, ONS or not, at best it was bad manners, at worst it could damage her confidence.
I bet she tore the whole house upside down looking for the note you left. "We had such a great night and really clicked, no way he would just leggit, there must be a note somewhere, I better lift the fridge out, in case it fell under there."

IndigoStarr

This is horribly rude. Even if it is just a one night stand, the least you can do is say goodbye instead of leaving her to wake up to an empty bed.

Teddi

You sleep with her, leave her as not to wake her, NOW you feel like dick?...
Leaving her in the first place was idiotic. I'd meetup with her and apologise, re-enforce some sort of confidence back in her so she doesnt feel rejected.

If you had such a laugh?..why didnt you hang out with her the next morning?...That would have made the most logical sense.

kjl

well your right, you do seem immature.

Colonel_McCoy

You shouldnt have just left.......think how she feels now

themadchef

Each to their own i suppose. IMO she might have been "pretend sleeping" hoping you'd scamper, she might have been mortified at the thoughs of facing the morning after "so do you want to see me again" discussion.

Rude? Depends on you and her and how you were together? If you indicated it was more than a one night stand then yes, very rude, but if it was a one night stand who needs a hug and a pat on the back and a "thanks very much love?"

shellyboo

themadchef wrote: »

Each to their own i suppose. IMO she might have been "pretend sleeping" hoping you'd scamper, she might have been mortified at the thoughs of facing the morning after "so do you want to see me again" discussion.

Rude? Depends on you and her and how you were together? If you indicated it was more than a one night stand then yes, very rude, but if it was a one night stand who needs a hug and a pat on the back and a "thanks very much love?"

A hug and a civil goodbye can make the difference between a decent, mature one night stand that no-one regrets and an "oh shlt, he didn't even say goodbye, that's embarrassing, I feel like a plank now" one night stand.

There's nothing wrong with having a one night stand, there's no need to run off afterwards as if from the scene of a crime.

Eve_Dublin

But at least you had enough decency to feel bad about it afterwards. Learn from this and don´t do it again. No doubt you´ve given this girl´s confidence a bit of a knock. Not cool.

themadchef

shellyboo wrote: »

A hug and a civil goodbye can make the difference between a decent, mature one night stand that no-one regrets and an "oh shlt, he didn't even say goodbye, that's embarrassing, I feel like a plank now" one night stand.

There's nothing wrong with having a one night stand, there's no need to run off afterwards as if from the scene of a crime.

No one is questioning the "right or wrong" aspect of a one night stand.

My own point of view is, i would prefer not to do the goodbyes. I may not be in the majority, but that is how i feel. You certainly don't have to agree with me, but i am however entitled not to feel like sh1t just because i'd prefer not to hang around for the "hug and goodbye part".

ash23

Ouch, poor girl.

I've had some one night stands and they've always ended with a morning shag, a chat, a hug and a goodbye. That way you're left feeling happy enough with the way it was.

If I woke up in the morning and my one night stand had disappeared into thin air without even a note, I'd be feeling like crap.
If you can contact her at all (facebook, text) then do. Just say "sorry for having to dash off, it was fun yada yada".

If not then learn from it and never leave it that way again.

shellyboo

themadchef wrote: »

No one is questioning the "right or wrong" aspect of a one night stand.

My own point of view is, i would prefer not to do the goodbyes. I may not be in the majority, but that is how i feel. You certainly don't have to agree with me, but i am however entitled not to feel like sh1t just because i'd prefer not to hang around for the "hug and goodbye part".

But if you don't think you've done anything wrong, or something bad, or negative, why run away? Why run away from a positive experience? Makes no sense.

By choosing not to stick around, fair enough that makes you feel better - but the huge likelihood is that it will make the other person feel like shlt instead. Which is pretty selfish, if you ask me. And yes, it IS rude. If someone wants to run away, that's fine... but don't pretend it's not going to make the other person feel crap, cos it most likely is.

themadchef

shellyboo wrote: »

But if you don't think you've done anything wrong, or something bad, or negative, why run away? Why run away from a positive experience? Makes no sense.

By choosing not to stick around, fair enough that makes you feel better - but the huge likelihood is that it will make the other person feel like shlt instead. Which is pretty selfish, if you ask me. And yes, it IS rude. If someone wants to run away, that's fine... but don't pretend it's not going to make the other person feel crap, cos it most likely is.

Why do you consider leaving as running away? I'm 35 years old, if i want to bail out of there because i have a meeting or you do the same for whatever reason i wont think it rude. You do, many do. Im putting another perspective forward, you don't have to agree with it. You may consider me rude, there ya go.

I have no need for reinforcement that "last night was great". It is/was a one night stand. If i'm sleeping then please don't wake me!

merlie

You had your fun and now your done and you walk away without a backward glance or a care.

You took from her and although you had a drunken fling and decided to squirm your way out of wanting any more from her cos you got it that night, makes you look so little and it is so rude.

In my own opinion, you should have said something. You didn't disturb her cos you didn't want anything more to do with her, truth be told. But now you feel guilty for leaving her the way you did, it is obvious from your what you have written or you would have not posted it at all.

Oh The Humanity

God, I seem out of step with everyone here but rude?

No way! Thats insane! Its only a one night stand, descreetly leaving surely is the whole point!

The objective in the morning after a ONS surely is to get the fook out of dodge! I bet any money she was pretending to be asleep to avoid the cringy 'see you again?' moment!

You didn't want to see her again so what was the point in waking her up!

If someone is offended that a ONS never said goodbye to them in the morning then they are too much of a sensitive flower to be having one night stands .

shellyboo

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

If someone is offended that a ONS never said goodbye to them in the morning then they are too much of a sensitive flower to be having one night stands .

See, I'd say that if someone isn't grown up enough to look someone in the eye and say "goodbye, thanks for a great night" after having spent the night having sex with them, then they're far too immature to be having one night stands.

It's just a basic level of respect, imo, not to run out on someone without a word.

anniehoo

Happened to me once before..and yeh i felt like sh*t when i woke up to an empty bed and no clue was the guy in a rush or just got the fright of his life seeing me in the morning Its not cool...you shagged her for gods sake so "see ya later, had fun" wouldnt of killed ya!

Emme

I think the OP should have said goodbye when he was leaving. A peck on the cheek would have been nice but it's not necessary.

IMHO there is no need to take anyone's number or pretend you'll call after a one night stand. A one night stand is a one night stand, no more and no less.

Oh The Humanity

shellyboo wrote: »

See, I'd say that if someone isn't grown up enough to look someone in the eye and say "goodbye, thanks for a great night" after having spent the night having sex with them, then they're far too immature to be having one night stands.

It's just a basic level of respect, imo, not to run out on someone without a word.

Maturity/immaturity is irrelevant.

The girl was asleep, if some stranger I pulled woke me up to say goodbye after a ONS I'd be slightly irritated I have to admit.

One night stands aren't about needing repect/civility/emtional reassurance from the other person. I mean the whole advantage of them is neither person has to bother with the nicities.

If she had been awake, grand, no problem but she was asleep. I think he saved them both a boring, slightly cringy moment.

Eve_Dublin

But I´m sure the OP is at least civil to most people he meets day to day, so why not be civil to a person you got along with both sexually and socially, even if it was only for a few hours? ONS don´t have to be as icy cold and as impersonal to THIS degree. It would kind of take the fun out of it the next day if the guy didn´t even acknowledge my existence. Perhaps the girl didn´t care, perhaps she did but at least by saying goodbye, you´re taking the kinder option. I´m not talking big hugs, an awkward breakfast together (which happened to me....I had to ask a guy slept with once to leave...and he ate all my cornflakes) and goodbyes, just a tap on the shoulder and a "Hey, I have to leggit to meet someone, it was nice to meet you, take care" and maybe a kiss on the cheek or something.

shellyboo

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Maturity/immaturity is irrelevant.

The girl was asleep, if some stranger I pulled woke me up to say goodbye after a ONS I'd be slightly irritated I have to admit.

One night stands aren't about needing repect/civility/emtional reassurance from the other person. I mean the whole advantage of them is neither person has to bother with the nicities.

If she had been awake, grand, no problem but she was asleep. I think he saved them both a boring, slightly cringy moment.

I think he did himself out of the infinitely more awesome morning sex, tbh.

And you and I have different definitions of one-night stands. It's not about a quick and dirty shag for me, it's about having good sex with someone who's on the same page and won't be afraid to look me in the eye in the morning, without cringing - because it's not embarrassing, neither of us regret it, we've done nothing wrong... so what's there to cringe about?

Honestly, if you're cringing TALKING to someone with whom you've just done the most intimate thing two people can ever do, something's amiss.

I think it's pig ignorant. I wouldn't leg it after just chatting to a stranger for 5 minutes, so why would it be OK to do so after sleeping with someone? Some people on here seem to have ego problems - nobody is talking about phone numbers or lifelong commitments, but having a quick chat and a proper goodbye is just common decency. Possibly badly hurting someone to avoid an awkward moment is so incredibly selfish, I don't even know what to write. I agree with shellyboo:

It's just a basic level of respect, imo, not to run out on someone without a word.

Oh The Humanity, I must have missed the memo where being rude, disrespectful and ignorant was fine in the case of a one night stand.

shellyboo

[quote=[Deleted User];62296840] Possibly badly hurting someone to avoid an awkward moment is so incredibly selfish, I don't even know what to write. [/quote]


Nail on head. Have the two-minute cringy conversation, ffs, it's better than possibly leaving someone feeling like shlt.

Oh The Humanity

shellyboo wrote: »

Honestly, if you're cringing TALKING to someone with whom you've just done the most intimate thing two people can ever do, something's amiss.

I wouldn't consider anything intimate about a ONS, its sex, a bodily function between two strangers usually enabled by alcohol etc. I mean the very reason you want contact to be kept to a minimum the next day is that you are NOT intimate with the person, you dont know them, they dont know you.

I dunno, the rules I always had were, the next day get out with the minimum of effort. Its better for both people. If the person was awake, fair enough I would get dressed, chit chat but make it obvious Im off and not gonna stick around and bid them a pleasant goodbye and let myself out.

I wouldn't be cringing about the ONS but I certainly wouldn't have any interest in seeing the person again and also often with a few beers their name is gone out of your head and you are hungover and just want to go home as soon as possible and certainly dont want to be waking anyone up or be woken up by anyone.

I just think there is a lot to be said for a clean getaway!

How would someone be feeling like sh1t cos some stray they pulled the night before left? I mean thats just being dramatic. If someones self esteem is so low that they'd take offence to that, they are not understanding the nature of no strings sex!

It doesn't matter if you are asleep!!!!

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for your opinions, you are right , it was ridiculous and I feel like some knob tbh. I dont carry on like that normally, Id like to think myself as decent but that stupid incidence has feeling like sh1t. I have tried to look for her on facebook etc but no luck, didnt get her second name, I tried all types of searches including her name with certain hobbys and colleges etc.

Whats annoying is that it was just out of stupidness and thoughtlessness, it was nothing to do with me chickening out or being afraid of an awkward moment, sure I was even sitting on the bed for a bit and taking my time putting on clothes etc, I didn't exactly hurry out of there. It was just ignorance , I looked at her, said to myself shes asleep so I said Id leave it.

Its only her confidence I care about, I dont really care if I looked rude or not tbh , yes it was completely bad manners but Im just hoping she might have not cared, and it would be even better if I thought she was doing the whole pretend sleeping routine like someone suggested.

Anyway thanks Ive learned from it

Oh The Humanity

OP, you are beating yourself up over nothing.

If you were sitting on the bed taking your time getting dressed of course she was awake, you can bet your bottom dollar she was fake-kipping!

Im sure her confidence is not dependant on it! You are over-analysing the whole thing!

Forget it !

LegacyUser

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

OP, you are beating yourself up over nothing.

If you were sitting on the bed taking your time getting dressed of course she was awake, you can bet your bottom dollar she was fake-kipping!

Im sure her confidence is not dependant on it! You are over-analysing the whole thing!

Forget it !

good point, you'd swear I cheated on someone. Its just when I read some of the reactions here it kind of turned from a niggling guilt to feeling like sh1t about it

shellyboo

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I wouldn't consider anything intimate about a ONS, its sex, a bodily function between two strangers usually enabled by alcohol etc. I mean the very reason you want contact to be kept to a minimum the next day is that you are NOT intimate with the person, you dont know them, they dont know you.

I dunno, the rules I always had were, the next day get out with the minimum of effort. Its better for both people. If the person was awake, fair enough I would get dressed, chit chat but make it obvious Im off and not gonna stick around and bid them a pleasant goodbye and let myself out.

I wouldn't be cringing about the ONS but I certainly wouldn't have any interest in seeing the person again and also often with a few beers their name is gone out of your head and you are hungover and just want to go home as soon as possible and certainly dont want to be waking anyone up or be woken up by anyone.

I just think there is a lot to be said for a clean getaway!

How would someone be feeling like sh1t cos some stray they pulled the night before left? I mean thats just being dramatic. If someones self esteem is so low that they'd take offence to that, they are not understanding the nature of no strings sex!

It doesn't matter if you are asleep!!!!

We're on totally different pages then so. If I want an orgasm, I have a drawerful of toys; and failing that, my hand. I don't need a one-night stand.

Sex is more than a bodily function, it's a connection, and it's intimacy, whether or not you ever see the person again. I respect my partners and I expect them to respect me - that means being able to look me in the eye in the morning. And believe you me, I well understand the nature of no-strings sex.

I'd be seriously plssed if a hook-up just up and left the next morning, not least because I'd have been wanting another round before he left! It's absolutely not being dramatic to acknowledge that someone would be upset that the person who they've just been intimate with didn't have the decency to even say goodbye to them.

Silversudz

I agree with Oh the humanity. I wouldn't beat myself up about it. I'm a girl and have had my share of one night stands in the past.

The majority of the time would have been delighted if the fella legged it nxt morning instead of hanging around - awkward.

Also, I wouldn't be the type to sleep in when there's a near stranger beside me in the bed, unless I was faking it (the sleeping)!

If you see her again be friendly, no need to apologise, and don't seek her out - Stalker alert! You have no idea what this girl is thinking. One night stands are harmless fun imo - but not everyone cut out for them.

Oh The Humanity

shellyboo wrote: »

We're on totally different pages then so. If I want an orgasm, I have a drawerful of toys; and failing that, my hand. I don't need a one-night stand.

Yeh, definitely different there alright. I wouldn't be too interested in the personal/emotional side at all. In fact I would prefer to avoid it.

shellyboo wrote: »

Sex is more than a bodily function, it's a connection, and it's intimacy, whether or not you ever see the person again.

I woulnd't be comfortable with any kind of connection or intimacy on a ONS whatsoever. I would just consider it sex.

shellyboo wrote: »

I respect my partners and I expect them to respect me - that means being able to look me in the eye in the morning. And believe you me, I well understand the nature of no-strings sex.

I wouldn't even consider a ONS as a partner though! I wouldn't want to be making eye contact etc the next day, never mind having to have sober morning sex etc.

shellyboo wrote: »

I'd be seriously plssed if a hook-up just up and left the next morning, not least because I'd have been wanting another round before he left! It's absolutely not being dramatic to acknowledge that someone would be upset that the person who they've just been intimate with didn't have the decency to even say goodbye to them.

I would so disagree with this. I would feel the other person would be relieved not to have to deal. I think the girl was pretending to be asleep. I know I would. But then again, I would never have brought someone to mine.

I wouldn't even consider a ONS as a partner though! I wouldn't want to be making eye contact etc the next day, never mind having to have sober morning sex etc.

You shag someone when drunk and can't even look at them the next day, let alone shag them again?? That just doesn't seem very healthy. If you feel it wasn't wrong or something to be ashamed of, why not say goodbye properly or have brekkie together like mature adults instead of sneaking off? Doing a runner or pretending to be asleep to avoid the other person seems MUCH more awkward than just saying goodbye.

Oh The Humanity

[quote=[Deleted User];62298596]You shag someone when drunk and can't even look at them the next day, let alone shag them again?? That just doesn't seem very healthy.[/Quote]

Ehm, this thread is not about me! I am no longer single but I did have ONS's when I was. Its not that I couldn't look them in the eye. I just didn't want to. Thats not unusual at all. In fact I would posit that its the norm.

[quote=[Deleted User];62298596]If you feel it wasn't wrong or something to be ashamed of, why not say goodbye properly or have brekkie together like mature adults instead of sneaking off? Doing a runner or pretending to be asleep to avoid the other person seems MUCH more awkward than just saying goodbye.[/quote]

Quite simply because I don't (didn't) want to! Its a one night stand. Drunken sex. Sneaking away! Thats the whole point!

Well, it's hard to establish what the 'norm' is. I certainly don't think a ONS = drunken sex and/or sneaking away. I certainly wouldn't run off the next morning and I'd be pretty offended if someone did it to me. I'd think someone was very odd if they couldn't even look me in the eye after they'd just shagged me. It's perfectly possible to keep things casual and non-awkward without being downright rude.

jptk

Interesting to read all the different takes on this subject. To me it seems very rude to just walk out after a one night stand. Id be pretty pissed off if someone did it to me too.

patftrears

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Yeh, definitely different there alright. I wouldn't be too interested in the personal/emotional side at all. In fact I would prefer to avoid it.

It has to be personal and play on their emotions, otherwise you can't get them into bed.

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I woulnd't be comfortable with any kind of connection or intimacy on a ONS whatsoever. I would just consider it sex.

no connection, no initimacy = crap sex

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I wouldn't even consider a ONS as a partner though!

Neither would I, but if they are good enough for you to want to sleep with them, you should treat them like that.

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I would so disagree with this. I would feel the other person would be relieved not to have to deal. I think the girl was pretending to be asleep. I know I would. But then again, I would never have brought someone to mine.

Based on your posts I suspect that the only ONS' you had, have been drunken fumbles with fat mingers, they were desperate, you were desperate, that's were your attitude comes from. Because it seems like you performed an act and you instantly want to forget what you did and who you did it with.

Silverfish

patftrears, attacking other posters is not permitted in this forum.

Infracted.

Can we keep posts helpful and constructive to the OP, and not attack and judge other posters.

Thanks.

Chucky the tree

[quote=[Deleted User];62296840]I think it's pig ignorant. I wouldn't leg it after just chatting to a stranger for 5 minutes, so why would it be OK to do so after sleeping with someone? Some people on here seem to have ego problems - nobody is talking about phone numbers or lifelong commitments, but having a quick chat and a proper goodbye is just common decency.[/QUOTE]


I'm sorry, but walking someone up who's fast asleep "for a quick chat" is the opposite of common decency. Either leave them asleep or walk them and say goodbye straight away and then leave so they have a chance to go back to sleep. Don't them up for a quick chat so by the time you leave there now pretty much fully awake and can't get back to sleep.

ash23

When I was a lot younger (late teens) I had one nighters where I snuck out in the middle of the night or they did. It all felt very sleazy and nasty. Now I'm late 20s and single for a couple of years it's totally different. I've had maybe 10 one night stands and only one of those has bolted. The rest all stayed til morning, chatted, said goodbye and went. Some exchanged numbers, some didn't.
So I'm not sure if it's an age thing or just a change in the times. For me one night stands are about sex but also about connecting with someone, fancying them, getting on well with them. I guess it depends on the one nighters you have. When I was younger it was all drunken, not caring what they looked like, not talking to them etc. Now I don't have a one nighter unless I click with the person and find them attractive. I could take it slow and not sleep with them and see what happens but I want to stay single for now so I just take the sex and run lol. Except I run politely :P

What the OP did wasn't nice. PLain and simple. It won't kill the girl, she'll get over it if it did upset her. But the next time a simple note on the pillow "thanks for last night, it was good fun" or something to that effect will make sure to eliminate the potential of the gal waking up and wondering if he woke and thought "ugh" and then ran away!

Terodil

merlie wrote: »

You had your fun and now your done and you walk away without a backward glance or a care.

Yes, do you know what 'NO STRINGS ATTACHED' means?

merlie wrote: »

You took from her and although you had a drunken fling and decided to squirm your way out of wanting any more from her cos you got it that night, makes you look so little and it is so rude.

What are you saying here? That she provided only and that he took only?

Utter rubbish. Last I heard, people engaged in ONSs because they both wanted to and both enjoyed it. Your statement reminisces those 'good old times' when women were not allowed to have fun and it was drilled into them that sex was but a duty to their husbands.

OP: I really am with Oh The Humanity on this one. You are beating yourself up over something very minor, if not actually nothing.

My personal take on leaving notes: To me it would actually look formulaic, if not cheap, and introduce a complication that's not required at all.

Darthhoob

it might only be a one night stand, but she is still a person...whilst you did not need to have a big chat, hug, brekkie..whatever. a simple nudge and an "I need to go now, thanks for lastnight, (see you around maybe)" would have been much better (and alot less rude) than her waking up to an empty bed wondering WHY you left so suddenly. she might be happy about it, she might be thinking you're an arsehole...you dont know

although a note might have been better if they are sleeping.

Terodil

Darthhoob wrote: »

it might only be a one night stand, but she is still a person...

... and that is diminished... how? (Why do I get the funny feeling that if the genders were reversed, this discussion would not even have come up?)

Again: They both decided to have a ONS. That's it. Consensual sex. I assume they both had fun and enjoyed the night. Why would either be obligated to 'thank' the other for anything or to reinforce him/her how awesome the sex was? Do I hear a silent 'And darling, how was I???' question in the background?

Darthhoob wrote: »

a simple nudge and an "I need to go now, thanks for lastnight, (see you around maybe)" would have been much better (and alot less rude) than her waking up to an empty bed wondering WHY you left so suddenly. she might be happy about it, she might be thinking you're an arsehole...you dont know

I doubt this is realistic. Nobody would wonder *why* he left in the night. If there truly are people wondering about the reason they are not ready to engage in ONSs.

I fail to see what's rude, demeaning or in general morally wrong about it. The point of ONSs is that they involve absolutely no attachment or obligation (except to keep it safe and discreet).

opinion guy

Hey OP.

So here's what I think. This is pretty simple really. Suppose you didn't sleep with this girl. In fact lets just call this person generic person X of whatever gender. Generic person X gave you a bed and warmth for the night. Its simple manners to say thanks/bye to someone who gives you heat and board for the night is it not ? Doesn't really matter whether its in person or via a note.

Oh and you had sex too. Bonus.

Problem solved. don't worry about it. If you see her say 'hi sorry for disappearing but i didn't want to wake you! how's things ?' If you don't see her, don't !



...as to....

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I wouldn't consider anything intimate about a ONS, its sex, a bodily function between two strangers usually enabled by alcohol etc. I mean the very reason you want contact to be kept to a minimum the next day is that you are NOT intimate with the person, you dont know them, they dont know you.
......

Wow. You are not intimate in that you don't know the person's favourite colour or band. But I would think knowing what their bits look like, what the person sounds like when they come, that they are selfconscious about the birthmark they are trying not to let you see, where they like to be touched. Thats all quite, quite intimiate by anyones definition wouldn't you think ?

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

......I wouldn't even consider a ONS as a partner though! I wouldn't want to be making eye contact etc the next day, never mind having to have sober morning sex etc.
......

Wow. Thats some serious denial going on there.

onenightstand

onenightstand wrote: »

good point, you'd swear I cheated on someone. Its just when I read some of the reactions here it kind of turned from a niggling guilt to feeling like sh1t about it

Really? "Niggling guilt to feeling like sh1t"?

You felt like an "ignorant bastard" before you read the reactions here, I'd say go with your gut instinct.

Oh The Humanity

patftrears wrote: »

It has to be personal and play on their emotions, otherwise you can't get them into bed.

no connection, no initimacy = crap sex

Neither would I, but if they are good enough for you to want to sleep with them, you should treat them like that.

Based on your posts I suspect that the only ONS' you had, have been drunken fumbles with fat mingers, they were desperate, you were desperate, that's were your attitude comes from. Because it seems like you performed an act and you instantly want to forget what you did and who you did it with.

Eh, I am a woman, in a very happy relationship thanks.

As for no intimacy=crap sex ....!!! Hilarious!!!!

There are all different types of sex, the intimacy people keep for partners, thats long term boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives.

One night stands are not about connecting/intimacy etc etc -its just a dirty ride. There is nothing wrong with that. Of course you aren't going to be going around 'treasuring the memory' :rolleyes: Thats the whole point its disposable sex where two people are using each other for physical satisfaction.

So ye don't need to know their favourite band or know how they like to be touched, its not an audition for a relationship its a perfunctory fcuk without emotions. If OP was looking for emotional connection he would call it a date not a ONS.

I think there is mass confusion here over the difference between date and ONS. The whole point of a ONS is there is no need for the frills of a date or relationship. The freedom is about knowing you will never see them again. Selfconscious doesn't come into it.

OP is being pilloried here for leaving WHILE THE GIRL WAS ASLEEP!!!

SHE WAS ASLEEP!!!! Or pretending to be. I just think we need to call off the witch hunt.

cruizer101

I'm amazed at the range of responses here, maybe this is the kinda thing they should teach at school so we are all on the same wavelength.

Anyway joking aside, is it not very rude to leave someones house without saying goodbye regardless of what has happened.

I have little experience in ONS stand but that would be my opinion, and tbh Id feel a bit annoyed if a girl just left in morning with no goodbye or even a note.

gaybitch

I would have left a brief note, something like "Really nice to meet you, had a great time," just something nice and vague so if you see her out again it's not a nightmare of awkwardness. If you do see her again I wouldn't advise blanking her out of embarrassment, a nod and a smile, and maybe a brief apology and explanation for skipping out unannounced wouldn't be bad. It's always better to try to build bridges than burn them in these kind of situations, even if you don't want to see her again in the romantic sense.

Don't beat yourself up about it though, just if it happens again, know that it's common courtesy and it could upset someone to be left like that. Not necessarily everyone, but some people.

LegacyUser

Deleted User wrote: »

Really? "Niggling guilt to feeling like sh1t"?

You felt like an "ignorant bastard" before you read the reactions here, I'd say go with your gut instinct.

yes I did feel like an ignorant bastard which did cause niggling guilt (i.e. imo guilt where something is on your mind and bothering you but its not exactly plunging you into a depression), and thats why I posted, and yes the responses did make me feel like sh1t, im not complaining about that one bit though , I wouldn't have asked in the first place if I didn't think there was a problem with what I did.

As I said though, it was out of thoughtlessness that made me do it, I personally wouldnt have felt awkward if she was awake, I wasnt making a legger or anything, and it was nothing to do with her ,i.e. regret, I just wanted to leave and go home, get some proper sleep to get me right for the day. It was just when I left the house and moreso when I got home (and sobered up later), I realized it was completely ignorant and almost looked cowardly.

Im going to take both sides advice on board though.

I will take a lesson from what people have said here, and I will always have the decency next time to at least give them a nudge , quickly wake them and say im off.

But I am certainly not going to try and find her anymore through bebo etc. That was me swinging way too much to feeling guilty and beating myself up over something which if it was done to me I wouldn't care in the least.

I think someone said it best earlier when they said if it was the sexes reversed this wouldn't have even been an issue.