Did I do the right thing?

LegacyUser

Met a guy about 6 months ago. He was lovely, caring, hilarious, good looking etc. We started seeing each other, it became serious quite quick. I didnt have a spark towards him, but I thought the world of him and we became best friends. On a few social occasions, i noticed he got very drunk very quick - to the point tha he wasnt himself anymore.. it was like he turned into a hyperactive nut running round the place and i was quite embaressed by this. Had a few words the next morning and there were tears which i thought strange, but i comforted him and we had a big discussion about why he got like that when he got drunk etc. That was grand. I had an awards night coming up, friends, family etc were going to be there, so i asked would he mind watching the booze intake that night, and he said he would be careful. So, were there, everythings going fine, but i notice he is getting drunk. and so he ends up hammered - and very noticeably too, to the point of he is incoherant. Its still bright and Im mortified as everyone else is sober. I suggest he go home - which follows with a great big row and nasty things said.

We patched things up since that - but we have since split up. I believe this occurance has a major factor in why we split - There were tears when we said our final goodbyes, but we both agreed on it and shared a happy evening (as friends) whilst discussing the split. I do miss him big time, we both decided not to contact each other.... its been about 3 weeks now.

What would you have done????

kjl

stop dicking him around, the poor guy is obviously crazy about you and wants more then friendship. Just let him get over you and meet someone else.

Don't contact him again, and don't take calls or texts from him unless you see yourself in a relationship with him.

LegacyUser

KJL - sorry, but how am i 'dicking him around?' I aint spoke to him in 3 weeks?
and origional question was 'what would you HAVE done?' As I said I have not contacted him in 3 weeks. If you were in my shoes in that situation - what would YOU have done KJL????

Chinafoot

You were right to end it but not solely because of the alcohol issue. You said you didn't really have a spark with him and you referred to him as a best friend. I know your post was brief but there was nothing in there to suggest your relationship with him was in anyway romantic. So yes, you did the right thing for both your sakes.

dearg lady

well I certainly don't think you did anything wrong, you like this guy, you care for him, you wanted it to work, but unfortunately the spark wasn't there. It's possible this may have contributed to his getting too drunk, maybe he was unconsciously aware of how you felt, and drank too much for a bit of dutch courage.

From what you've posted, ending it and no contact sounds like the right thing to do. I would give it a few months, and then re assess, maybe you could be friends in the future, but it would be dependent on both of you being over the relationship and on the same wavelength with regard to the friendship.

Wibbs

Good advice from dearg lady there. You did nothing wrong. You reckoned you may have had something more, you tried, but you didnt get the spark you needed. I think the drink thing was just a tipping point. If the spark was there you could have worked on that, but it wasn't and that's fine, that happens and at least you tried. On what you've said I don't see anything wrong in that.

It's what you do now that counts IMHO. Fair play to the no contact thing. Keep that going until things move on.

How Strange

you did the right thing. the relationship wasn't going to go far anyway if you felt no spark for him and saw him as a friend.

I also agree that no contact is the best thing to do.

LegacyUser

For me if it was a guy and i saw tears i would be outta there fast! he may be nice sober but no way i want to have to be the only strength in a relationship.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for you advice I appreciate it. It is tough though when you lose someone so close and there is nothing you can do about it. Its like a part of ya has died or something... I hope he finds a woman who can give him all the love that he deserves And me... welll i'll keep looking too

LegacyUser

i think kjl means you were dicking him around by leading him on if there was no spark, which really makes me wonder how it "became serious" quite quick, if i was a man and was in the situation with a women and we were best friends with no spark but became serious quite quick i thnk id drink aswell!

your going to have to wait to see if you have feelings for him, whatever men say about not contacting a ex if he still likes her he would do it.

if he hasnt called you for that period of time you have to wonder was there a spark on his side, i dated a man who i later found out wasnt really into me (i wasnt really into him either) who everytime we went out got pissed more than he would with friends because the spark wasnt there and he hadnt the courage to say it lol

LegacyUser

omg let me get this straight you felt no spark yet you let it become serious???? wtf thats really really cruel, men arent stupid thats why he got drunk!!!

Wibbs

She liked the guy. He was nice. She hoped a spark would happen, so she gave it a go. It didn't. Naive? possibly. Cruel? Not so much. I've certainly heard worse and read worse in here on a daily basis.

In any case if he is as she described and even without the spark he was good enough to try out, well then he should have no bother attracting plenty of women who will have the spark for him.

hollis12

Well first of all the guests were harsh, it doesnt always need a initial spark, im with my gf after years and despite initial problems simular to your bfs she is my best friend and i love her, by the way what are u askin you did wrong sounds like he didnt want to contact you either? Only time wil tell if you made the wrong choice

hollis12

I should add that to have the type of relationship with your best friend you need to be confident in yourself and not be the type with low self esteem who wants to be treated like they think they are, and by the way lol what situation if he hasnt contacted you whats the problem ?

LegacyUser

Wibbs wrote: »

She liked the guy. He was nice. She hoped a spark would happen, so she gave it a go. It didn't. Naive? possibly. Cruel? Not so much. I've certainly heard worse and read worse in here on a daily basis.

In any case if he is as she described and even without the spark he was good enough to try out, well then he should have no bother attracting plenty of women who will have the spark for him.

cruel not so much you heard worse?? apart from being cruel i dont understand the post or the poster, she became serious quite soon, im guessing they moved in or something, there was no spark but she thought the world of him and they became best friends but how if you were only best friends did you split??

on the ops side i dont know what she thinks she did wrong she states that the break up was mutual and they both decided not to contact each other, it sounded like a joint decision.

was I right

was I right wrote: »

Met a guy about 6 months ago. He was lovely, caring, hilarious, good looking etc. We started seeing each other, it became serious quite quick. I didnt have a spark towards him [so we broke up] but I thought the world of him and we became best friends.

OP I think (at least I hope) that some posters are reading the above into your OP and you might want to elaborate on what you mean by "it became serious" ... apparently it implies you moved in with the guy in five months :rolleyes:

For what it's worth I think you were right to persevere in the first place ... I know several relationships which weren't all sparks and thunderbolts at the beginning but then developed amazing bonds. And how you describe your connection with him leads me to believe he was worth investing some time and effort in.

But you were also right to split up with him because of his uncontrolled drinking. That's something he needs to address himself and I highly doubt he behaved that way solely because of you.

LegacyUser

Well, I would like to clear up a few things - sorry it was a bit vague - Dont get me wrong - it was very exciting at the start and probably most of the way through, but it came to a point where The blind drunk factor stuck in my head and i began to think of him differently. Spark for 1 person might be different to another persons opinion. To me Its like an instantaneous attraction, theres lust involved and major butterflies etc It hits you when you least expect it. What does spark mean for you? Well this guy meant alot more to me than lust or attraction as we were on the same level. I have often been left in tears crying with laughter with this guy and that to me is attractive.

Serious for me is introducing him to my friends and family with pride and talking about him with a big smile on my face. In the past, If i met someone and i wasnt sure about them, I wouldnt be introducing him etc... So I was pretty sure about this guy... or so I thought. Moving in with him would not have been on the cards for quite some time. We really did click big time. I did push more for the split than he did. I got the impression that he went along with it to salvage some pride etc. I do think about him everyday though. He really made an impact on my life. It was an extremely difficult decision to make. I was in a relationship before with a drunk and to be honest it scarred me for life. Im not saying this guy was exactly the same, in fact he was a 100 times better, but it just brings it all back and i aint going down that road again...

I hope this makes a bit more sense now.

Thanks for the clarification OP.

Still stand by what I said before, you were right to try and you were right to let go.

hollis12

well speaking as a guy dont worry about this guys feelings if you read some of the other threads here if men want a woman pride wont stop them trying to maintain a relationship, also if he hasnt called in a while that leads me to believe he was alright with it. if hes as good a catch as you say he is he well have no trouble forgetting it all and moving on.

speaking as a psychologist it sounds more like alcohol abuse than alcoholism, simply drinking to much if he was uncomfortable or some other problem, whatever the issue you ask did you do the right thing well thats up to you.

you say you dont want to go down that road again and youd be right , but at the same time you still seem to have doubts about casting him out of your life forever. as i say time will tell but from experience (my gf was in a simualr boat to your ex) he will be grand and any problems he had or has he will come out a stronger man.

LegacyUser

ah i understand thats so sad , sounds like it was great for a while, dont be too hard on the chap, im sure he didnt do it on purpose

hollis12

just to say aswell op its only been 3 weeks it really starts to hit at the fourth week so dont worry your over the worst of it also can you not salvage a friendship from it?

LegacyUser

thats so sad you must be so confused, i dont think your wrong but still you say you patched it up, obviously you didnt, you should have explained your concerns to him, maybe there was a reason, on the other hand if im reading the post wrong and he drinks everyday then youd be right to get rid of him!

LegacyUser

by the way sorry to be a bitch earlier if he was drinking all the time your right to get rid of him xxx

LegacyUser

Was I right wrote: »

Well, I would like to clear up a few things - sorry it was a bit vague - Dont get me wrong - it was very exciting at the start and probably most of the way through, but it came to a point where The blind drunk factor stuck in my head and i began to think of him differently. Spark for 1 person might be different to another persons opinion. To me Its like an instantaneous attraction, theres lust involved and major butterflies etc It hits you when you least expect it. What does spark mean for you? Well this guy meant alot more to me than lust or attraction as we were on the same level. I have often been left in tears crying with laughter with this guy and that to me is attractive.

Serious for me is introducing him to my friends and family with pride and talking about him with a big smile on my face. In the past, If i met someone and i wasnt sure about them, I wouldnt be introducing him etc... So I was pretty sure about this guy... or so I thought. Moving in with him would not have been on the cards for quite some time. We really did click big time. I did push more for the split than he did. I got the impression that he went along with it to salvage some pride etc. I do think about him everyday though. He really made an impact on my life. It was an extremely difficult decision to make. I was in a relationship before with a drunk and to be honest it scarred me for life. Im not saying this guy was exactly the same, in fact he was a 100 times better, but it just brings it all back and i aint going down that road again...

I hope this makes a bit more sense now.

im sorry but i find this very confusing you dont want to be with a drunk, yet he was a hundred times better, and you spend have your post saying you had a great connection he was one in a million and you think of him every day. :S

im sorry but yes i do think your wrong, sounds like you had a great guy and you dumped him because he reminded you of your ex, you didnt even want to be friends with the guy. if that drunk scarred you for life, which it seems to have done by the fact that you got out of a relationship because it brought back memories of him then i strongly recommend counseling.

hollis12

yea i have to agree there unless he drank every day, or was defiantly an alcoholic you were a bit hasty in ending the relationship, if you really had a strong connection with this guy you would have talked about things, or maybe even just went on a break.

your ex the drunk seems to have clouded your mind, what gives it a away is that this guy made you laugh, alcoholics dont do that my gf was one and laughing wasnt part of the package!

as a friend you should have asked him was he ok, was there anything that set off the drinking? did he always get hammered? you say that he told you why he was drinking if it was a serious problem leaving the relationship when things get tough really is the wrong thing to do!

LegacyUser

cork_lassxxx wrote: »

im sorry but i find this very confusing you dont want to be with a drunk, yet he was a hundred times better, and you spend have your post saying you had a great connection he was one in a million and you think of him every day. :S

im sorry but yes i do think your wrong, sounds like you had a great guy and you dumped him because he reminded you of your ex, you didnt even want to be friends with the guy. if that drunk scarred you for life, which it seems to have done by the fact that you got out of a relationship because it brought back memories of him then i strongly recommend counseling.

I never once said he was a drunk. He dosnt drink everyday - he just cant handle his drink when he does drink. eg - he could drink 4 pints and be p**sed - and so its still early in the night and it gets worse and worse... then stumbling, slurring - eyes rolling - rocking over and back in the chair etc etc....

ALSO I didnt dump him - we agreed on it. And if you READ the thread - I never said i didnt want to be friends with him - its just not fair on either of us to be friends when there is lots of feelings still floating around. The 'Drunken scenarios' remind me of how my ex used to be.... why would i need councelling for MEMORIES????

hollis12

Was i right wrote: »

I never once said he was a drunk. He dosnt drink everyday - he just cant handle his drink when he does drink. eg - he could drink 4 pints and be p**sed - and so its still early in the night and it gets worse and worse... then stumbling, slurring - eyes rolling - rocking over and back in the chair etc etc....

ALSO I didnt dump him - we agreed on it. And if you READ the thread - I never said i didnt want to be friends with him - its just not fair on either of us to be friends when there is lots of feelings still floating around. The 'Drunken scenarios' remind me of how my ex used to be.... why would i need councelling for MEMORIES????

you seem a real snob

hollis12

Was i right wrote: »

I never once said he was a drunk. He dosnt drink everyday - he just cant handle his drink when he does drink. eg - he could drink 4 pints and be p**sed - and so its still early in the night and it gets worse and worse... then stumbling, slurring - eyes rolling - rocking over and back in the chair etc etc....

ALSO I didnt dump him - we agreed on it. And if you READ the thread - I never said i didnt want to be friends with him - its just not fair on either of us to be friends when there is lots of feelings still floating around. The 'Drunken scenarios' remind me of how my ex used to be.... why would i need councelling for MEMORIES????

well you gave up a goodrelathiohshp because of your ex

LegacyUser

snob eh? well thats the first time anyone has called me that!!! LOL

This is clearly getting us nowhere - snob i am not, wary i am. If you cannot string the words 'good relationship' together, then dont bother talking about it.

Game over. Ball Burst. Thanks to all who were constructive critics - I take it on the chin. Lesson Learnt. We all learn from our mistakes. To those who called me a snob... you cannot possibly judge a person suddenly by a mere sentence. Thanks for that.

hollis12

snob??? wrote: »

snob eh? well thats the first time anyone has called me that!!! LOL

This is clearly getting us nowhere - snob i am not, wary i am. If you cannot string the words 'good relationship' together, then dont bother talking about it.

Game over. Ball Burst. Thanks to all who were constructive critics - I take it on the chin. Lesson Learnt. We all learn from our mistakes. To those who called me a snob... you cannot possibly judge a person suddenly by a mere sentence. Thanks for that.

i cannot apoligise more for that post , i really am sorry i had two tabs open on boards and i meant to post that on the humour thread it was not meant for you and im very sorry for any hurt caused, i do not think your a snob ut do think you were very wrong lol

hollis12

Was i right wrote: »

I never once said he was a drunk. He dosnt drink everyday - he just cant handle his drink when he does drink. eg - he could drink 4 pints and be p**sed - and so its still early in the night and it gets worse and worse... then stumbling, slurring - eyes rolling - rocking over and back in the chair etc etc....

ALSO I didnt dump him - we agreed on it. And if you READ the thread - I never said i didnt want to be friends with him - its just not fair on either of us to be friends when there is lots of feelings still floating around. The 'Drunken scenarios' remind me of how my ex used to be.... why would i need councelling for MEMORIES????

eh ok so people who get abused, or fight in wars wouldnt want counseling because its only a memory??

LegacyUser

Was i right wrote: »

I never once said he was a drunk. He dosnt drink everyday - he just cant handle his drink when he does drink. eg - he could drink 4 pints and be p**sed - and so its still early in the night and it gets worse and worse... then stumbling, slurring - eyes rolling - rocking over and back in the chair etc etc....

ALSO I didnt dump him - we agreed on it. And if you READ the thread - I never said i didnt want to be friends with him - its just not fair on either of us to be friends when there is lots of feelings still floating around. The 'Drunken scenarios' remind me of how my ex used to be.... why would i need counsellings for MEMORIES????

right down here we call that self medicating he obviously felt uncomfortable at these social occasions and drank too much, maybe he did that because he was meeting all your friends so soon. i do think if you have a connection with someone you should talk it out! if you ever get too talk to him again tell him what went wrong and how you feel!

Warfi

hollis12 wrote: »

eh ok so people who get abused, or fight in wars wouldnt want counseling because its only a memory??

I don't think she needs counselling just because she's broken up with someone. It's three weeks and she's wondering has she done the right thing. If you can find one person that can say they haven't thought like that after breaking up with someone, well in my opinion you've found a liar.


I think you have done the right thing. You gave it a go and it sounds like the two of you are in different places at the moment, he likes to get mad drunk (his life) and that's just not your scene. Can you imagine getting back with him and feeling embarrassed once again if he drank too much? If the answer to that is yes, well you know then you made the right decision.

hollis12

Warfi wrote: »

I don't think she needs counselling just because she's broken up with someone. It's three weeks and she's wondering has she done the right thing. If you can find one person that can say they haven't thought like that after breaking up with someone, well in my opinion you've found a liar.


I think you have done the right thing. You gave it a go and it sounds like the two of you are in different places at the moment, he likes to get mad drunk (his life) and that's just not your scene. Can you imagine getting back with him and feeling embarrassed once again if he drank too much? If the answer to that is yes, well you know then you made the right decision.

well i think shes projecting her ex onto her last boyfriend, i just think if they had such a connection they should have stayed friends, if he didnt drink every day and went mad at social ocasions it shows me he just wasnt comfortable in these ocasions

Warfi

hollis12 wrote: »

well i think shes projecting her ex onto her last boyfriend, i just think if they had such a connection they should have stayed friends, if he didnt drink every day and went mad at social ocasions it shows me he just wasnt comfortable in these ocasions

But she doesn't agree with him drinking and making a mess of things, she's spoken to him about it and it still carried on. The OP doesn't like that behaviour.
Maybe it is down to her ex and maybe it isn't, nevertheless it doesn't mean that she has to accept that behaviour in anyone else for fear of bringing up old memories.

hollis12

thats true but it seems that it wasnt even talked out the op said they patched things up but they didnt, if he wasnt a drunk and he was a nice guy things like this can be talked out, im a counseller and see things like this everyday, the best relationships are the ones with the best communication.

Warfi

I agree, communication is the best way to go. However she spoke to him about it, and he seemed to ignore her worries. Following the incident, they ahd a huge row. I could understand the OP being upset that her worries about his drinking didn't seem to be taken into consideration.
Personally I believe a person's actions speak far louder than their words, and if I was going out with a man who ignored my worries, the relationship would be on the start of a slippery slope. (the reverse is true also-I wouldn't expect a man to stay with me if I made little of his genuine worries, although it's not something I'd ever do)

hollis12

if he was randomly drinking id agree but she also said he told her it seems why he was, drinking im sorry i dont mean to be akward about it but he i see this all the time its not a hard issue to solve just to address why he was drinking, and not to leave when the **** hits the fan.

Warfi

I understand that issues need to be resolved, but I think the OP needs to look out for herself first. The only person who can help her ex is the ex himself. If there were children involved or the relationship had been going on a few years, I think it'd be important to stay and hash things out.

LegacyUser

well im a girl who was dumped by her boyfriend because i got really drunk at a social ocasion of his , i only got drunk because i put myself under so much pressure to make a effort with his friends ect. i feel like **** over it.

i was also going through a hard time at college so basically when i was going through my hardest times i was dumped. i didnt let it show but it really hurt me, from my point of view you were in the wrong. you really could have talked it out or went on a break. my ex now wants to be friends but to be honest i cant stand him for letting me down like that.

i only found out why i was dumped yesterday and it really hurt he couldnt tell me, if you ever bump into this guy sit him down and explain the story if you haven't already!

LegacyUser

Its not like it only happened the once. it happened quite a few times, not only in my social circle but also in his. I dont want to be a babysitter when were out together. I wouldnt expect to b babysat. If you take me out of his equation, there are still issues there. He knows what they are. Everyone has issues of some form or another. But you deal with them (get help if nesessary). Its **** to say i dumped him when he was having issues. He had them before he met me. I did try and help him = be there for him and listen and advise - but im no expert and i didnt wanna make things worse for him either.

I loved him to bits, and as they say - when you love someone you sometimes gotta set them free

LegacyUser

Was i right wrote: »

Its not like it only happened the once. it happened quite a few times, not only in my social circle but also in his. I dont want to be a babysitter when were out together. I wouldnt expect to b babysat. If you take me out of his equation, there are still issues there. He knows what they are. Everyone has issues of some form or another. But you deal with them (get help if nesessary). Its **** to say i dumped him when he was having issues. He had them before he met me. I did try and help him = be there for him and listen and advise - but im no expert and i didnt wanna make things worse for him either.

I loved him to bits, and as they say - when you love someone you sometimes gotta set them free

well i dont know what the issues were but we all have them but i know the most important support you can have is someone who you love being there for you, he obviously cant of been that bad as you say he was funny ect and made you laugh, im with my current boyfriend now and he is the best ever also ive dealt with the issues that contributed to me drinking too much.

im not trying to attack you here, i just think that if he wasn't an alcoholic he could have fixed whatever caused his drinking and your relationship would have been stronger, its human nature that your going to want to look that guy up someday and his problems or drinking will be better and youll see what you missed i see it all the time, connections like you described are irreplaceable.

did you tell him all this at the break up, if he loved you he would have understood and suggested taking a break to see where he was ect.

hollis12

Was i right wrote: »

Its not like it only happened the once. it happened quite a few times, not only in my social circle but also in his. I dont want to be a babysitter when were out together. I wouldnt expect to b babysat. If you take me out of his equation, there are still issues there. He knows what they are. Everyone has issues of some form or another. But you deal with them (get help if nesessary). Its **** to say i dumped him when he was having issues. He had them before he met me. I did try and help him = be there for him and listen and advise - but im no expert and i didnt wanna make things worse for him either.

I loved him to bits, and as they say - when you love someone you sometimes gotta set them free

listen im not trying to be hard on you but if someone is going through a tough time and they are dumped ( you do say you pushed for it more than him) the dumped person will not in anyway see them being dumped in a nice romantic way like that, they will learn see you as the person who abandoned them.

i mean for god sake you say he was your best friend im not saying you should keep going out with him, but be there as a friend for him, if you dont be there for him in his time of need turst me hell learn to hate you, i see it in my clients all the time.

hollis12

also if his issues were making him drink hed be a alcoholic not a alcohol abuser, it sounds like he was just uncomfortable at the speed things were moving.

LegacyUser

listen im sorry to be hard aswell but i sort of agree thats were im at now with my ex and believe me and we weren't even best friends, he probably feels like **** now and hes probably more upset that he lost his best friend as you put it.

i think yous should have stayed together as friends with no pressure to get back together and then if you are meant to be, you would have felt right about it again!

dearg lady

I'm sorry, I just had to post again, seems like you are getting a really hard time on hear OP and I just don't think it's deserved!! I know a lot of people are focusing on the drink issue, but even leaving that aside, the relationship(from what you posted) wouldn't have worked.

You can think the world of a person but if you don't have the elusive spark things just won't be right. If the spark had been there, the drinking may have bothered you less, you may have felt in a position to stay with him, and help. certainly he doesn't sound like an alcoholic. more so he sounds like someone who has an unhealthy attitude to alcohol.

You can't stay with someone just because they have an issue, we all have to look after ourselves, and support the people around us as best we can, but that doesn't make him your responsibility OP.

I still think you did the right thing for both of you OP, hard as it may be now, and I wish you both the best in the future

LegacyUser

i didnt mean to be harsh to the girl i wish her the best but she asked did she do the right thing and i gave my opinion, i was in simular situations both as the dumper and dumpee and i still think of the guy i dumped 5 years on, i think that the op is a nice girl by the sounds of things im just painting the realty of it and saying that whatever about her he wont think about her in a nice way.

as regards the initial spark me and many many of my friends have fantastic relationships because we grew as best friends, and the op did say she loved him to bits and she thinks about him every day, that does sound like love to me!

but agian the op sounds like a nice girl it was just very sad to read that thread!

hollis12

well im sorry if i come across as harsh i really think the drink as you say was a minor issue however a great relationship doesnt always start with a great spark, mine didnt and everyone says that me and my wife are like best friends, we can talk about things and id be happy to grow old with her,

i not suggesting they stayed together however i was suggesting they stay friends, whatever about a girlfriend a friend is for life, especielly with a connection like the op has with her bf, i do think the spark thing is small as many bonding and communication are more important,

also if i seem to be harsh its because i dumped my wife originally for the same reasons! she drank to much some ocasions, she just had a stressful job and was moving around a lot and it was the biggest mistake i ever made! so im probaly just pissed off at myself lol.

dearg lady

i didn't mean the drink was a minor issue, just that even taking that out of the equation, the relationship wasn't working for OP.

Most posters on here(me included) would agree it's extremely difficult to be friends with an ex in the immediate aftermath of a break up. Down the road, yes possibly, especially since they did get on so well, and seem to think a lot of each other. I just find that forcing the friends issue at the start often leads to fights and no chance of a reconciliation. If they give it time to get over each other, I think they have a better chance in the long run of staying friends. But that's just my opinion

hollis12

well im coming at it as a psychologist, the mistake is made you cant abandon a person when at some time in his life his issue whatever it may be gets him down, i wouldnt want to be friends with a person who let me down like that

hollis12

dearg lady wrote: »

i didn't mean the drink was a minor issue, just that even taking that out of the equation, the relationship wasn't working for OP.

Most posters on here(me included) would agree it's extremely difficult to be friends with an ex in the immediate aftermath of a break up. Down the road, yes possibly, especially since they did get on so well, and seem to think a lot of each other. I just find that forcing the friends issue at the start often leads to fights and no chance of a reconciliation. If they give it time to get over each other, I think they have a better chance in the long run of staying friends. But that's just my opinion

i dont get how it was not working for the op she said it was exciting untill the drinking started that spark thing is not based in realism, relationships thrive on bond and connection not a fairy tale sort of spark