Dumped by email....

fairycakes

Hi there

First off it's my first post so go gentle!!

I just wanted to ask has anybody else ever been actually dumped
by email??! I was seeing this "lovely guy" for four months I thought
it was all going well then yesterday at work I get this email " we need
to talk" and then proceeded to tell me it was over and how bloody sorry
he was..well I am very upset,angry, hurt all those horrible feelings
you get, I haven't actually talked to him yet as he doesn't have the
balls to even call....is it so hard to find a decent man who is mature enough to break up with someone face to face or do I not deserve that...
Sorry if this comes across all bitter I am just really hurt right now..
Many thanks for reading this far hope your not asleep at your desk!

idunnoutellme

Hi
That does sound really horrible to be dumped by email...
But I don't think there's an easy way or a nice way to break up with someone...
I think it would be just as upsetting to be dumped in person (well it was) and at least you get to keep your dignity instead of being seen as a blubberring mess saying but why but I don't understand....:o

Just trying to cheer you up
At least that way you can turn around and email back saying listen I was thinking the same thing its just not working out for me...hope we can stay friends yadiyada

Hope you're ok and there's more fish in the sea

Clare Bear

Sorry to hear that OP. Yep I was dumped by email. More than anything I lost respect for him completely the way he did it and what he said. If he'd had more balls maybe we could have been friends. It was obvious it wasn't going anywhere anyway so it wasn't like it was a big shock to me but how hard is it to meet someone for coffee and tell them to their face?

Anyway 2 weeks later I met the love of my life so he did me a big favour

Hope you're okay. It's never nice being dumped but maybe when you're hurting less you'll realise he wasn't the guy for you. Someone that dumps a person by email isn't someone you want to be with believe me. Onwards and upwards fairycakes.

panda100

fairycakes wrote: »

I haven't actually talked to him yet as he doesn't have the
balls to even call...

Uh Dont talk to him!Id just leave it and never contact him again. If someone treats you in this way then the best thing is to just cut him out of your life.

I'd never been dumped before until earlier this year when my boyfriend of three months dumped me by email. He said he was still in love with his ex girlfriend which is absolutely fair enough, Im a nice rational women and would have completely understood If he told that to me. We've all been there and I had my suspicions that he was still quite into her.

Telling me by email made what could have been an amicable breakup into a very upsetting one, for me anyway. What he wrote in the email about me was lovely but since he is a high profile journalist writing to him is very easy and so It didn't mean much. I did feel like a used,easily disposed of girlfriend who didnt desrve to be broken up with in such a cold manner.
He texted me twice since and I just didnt bother replying to that text or the email, even though it took all my restraint not to do so! I wanted to tell him that he had really hurt me, but what would that have achieved? Not contacting means that I have walked away with my head held high and three months later now I am very proud of myself for that

I have dumped all of my previous boyfriends and always have the courtesy to meet up with them. Breakups are always going to be hard and yes they can be very hard when done face to face but it is the right thing to do. Even a phonecall is better than an email because you give the other person a chance to respond and in a breakup situation this is healthy for both partys.


Op, Give it some time and you'll get over it. I can imagine how hurt you must feel but these feeling will pass. Delve into doing things that make you feel good about yourself, wether its going to the cinema with your mates or writing all your feelings down in a diary.

As for is there mature men out there...........Yes, there is lots of lovely men out there. Ireland is full of them!

omb0wyn5ehpij9

He's not worth the hassle. Don't bother contacting him again if he hasn't got the balls to break up with you face to face

fairycakes

Thanks lovely people

I won't ever be contacting him again I am deleting all his contact
details as we speak

I feel like a weight been lifted! I really am too good for him what a sad
loser he is!!

Internet dating may be the way forward at least you have men on it
who actually want a relationship!!

Thanks again you all have helped me cheer up xxxx

Weidii

Ok, I know I'm the bad guy (girl) in this situation, but bare with me.

Last year I went on about three or four dates with a lad, we got along absolutely fantastically, actually stayed up talking til seven in the morning in the freezing cold one night and I met his friends, even though nothing had happened yet. Well anyway, after the fourth date (still no kisses) I decided that he was a great lad but I just wasn't attracted to him and I didn't really want to go out with him again with the pretense of it being a "date", though I would have loved to stay friends with him. So I sent him a text saying something along the lines of "I think we'd make better friends than anything" and the lad never talked to me again. I have a few of his books that I tried to get back to him, but he took it so badly that he wouldn't answer a text or an email. I felt absolutely horrible after that! I didn't think he'd take it too much to heart since we still hadn't kissed or anything and we got along quite well.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Weidii wrote: »

Ok, I know I'm the bad guy (girl) in this situation, but bare with me.

Last year I went on about three or four dates with a lad, we got along absolutely fantastically, actually stayed up talking til seven in the morning in the freezing cold one night and I met his friends, even though nothing had happened yet. Well anyway, after the fourth date (still no kisses) I decided that he was a great lad but I just wasn't attracted to him and I didn't really want to go out with him again with the pretense of it being a "date", though I would have loved to stay friends with him. So I sent him a text saying something along the lines of "I think we'd make better friends than anything" and the lad never talked to me again. I have a few of his books that I tried to get back to him, but he took it so badly that he wouldn't answer a text or an email. I felt absolutely horrible after that! I didn't think he'd take it too much to heart since we still hadn't kissed or anything and we got along quite well.

Bit of a difference between 4 dates and 4 months of a relationship though!

enda1

Any chance someone wrote the email as a prank and it wasn't your (ex)boyfriend?

Maybe at least confirm!

enda1

fairycakes wrote: »

Thanks lovely people

I won't ever be contacting him again I am deleting all his contact
details as we speak

I feel like a weight been lifted! I really am too good for him what a sad
loser he is!!

Internet dating may be the way forward at least you have men on it
who actually want a relationship!!

Thanks again you all have helped me cheer up xxxx

Are you completely insane!!?

I'd buy some ram or a camera on the internet, but not a feckin' partner!

fairycakes

oh no prank I can assure you of that! wouldnt mind but we had a great
weekend together last weekend and we had plans made for next few weekends!

Well I wouldn't rule out internet dating a lot of people meet that way these days! I suppose I am looking for ways to make myself feel better..I won't be jumping into anything too soon either but some dates can't hurt eh?!

I bet any money come this weekend he will be out there chasing skirt and
getting laid I won't be a second thought to his day! :mad:

petes

enda1 wrote: »

Are you completely insane!!?

I'd buy some ram or a camera on the internet, but not a feckin' partner!

Your're right I wouldn't buy a partner online either :pac:

I have to say what a cop out. Better off without.

To the poster who text the guy you would be better off friends, imagine what it would be like if you were going out for six months and then broke it off. I mean you hadn't even kissed ffs!!

gra26

Hes not a man. He's a coward.

panda100

fairycakes wrote: »

oh no prank I can assure you of that! wouldnt mind but we had a great
weekend together last weekend and we had plans made for next few weekends!

Well I wouldn't rule out internet dating a lot of people meet that way these days! I suppose I am looking for ways to make myself feel better..I won't be jumping into anything too soon either but some dates can't hurt eh?!

I bet any money come this weekend he will be out there chasing skirt and
getting laid I won't be a second thought to his day! :mad:

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It maybe a bit crude but its definatly true!

Also delete that email,you dont want it popping up each time you log on.

MizzLolly

fairycakes wrote: »

I bet any money come this weekend he will be out there chasing skirt and
getting laid I won't be a second thought to his day! :mad:

He probably is but that only proves to you even moreso that you had a lucky escape!

I started seeing one of my best friends (I know, bad idea) earlier in the year. After about five months he started becoming more distant, going out with his friends practically every night, turning up late to meet me and then gradually he started only getting in contact with me when it suited him or when he wanted to see me. So I hopped on the situation straight away, after about four days of snappy phonecalls, cancelled dates and even ignored texts. I called him and said that I wanted to speak to him face to face because all the moody texts and calls was getting a bit much and that over the last week or so he'd been acting really immature. So anyway, the next day I'm messing around online and open an email from him saying something to the effect of, ''last weekend was great but since then I've just been out having fun and I thought if I treated you badly you'd tell me to get lost rather than ask to talk, so I'm emailing you to say I don't feel anything for you anymore and I know I'm a coward for handling it this way''. Sooo, I replied and simply agreed that he is indeed a coward and told him not to try contact me again. I deleted and blocked him off of everything! I know it may seem immature and normally I wouldn't deal with it that way but to be honest any guy who says ''I thought if I treated you badly you'd dump me'' is a fricken loser. A really cowardly one at that and I know I don't even want him as a friend now because I've such little respect for how he did it. I don't think him wanting to call it a day was bad but how he went about it was pathetic.


Anyway he text me a few days later (pretending it wasn't for me) and I completely ignored that too, along with his emails. (which I later blocked him from) Definately the best way to deal with a little boy like that. If they can't man up and be honest with you then you owe them nothing! So dont go replying to his email, he's a pitiful coward. No loss there

Anyway, he was out again chasing girls a few nights later and honestly, a few months on I really don't feel anything when I think of it. Other than it being a complete lack of repsect for me I know I lost very little and was lucky to find out sooner rather than later. So let him go out chasing women at the weekend. It frees you up to look after yourself and be happy and single for when a real man comes along!

omb0wyn5ehpij9

panda100 wrote: »

Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. It maybe a bit crude but its definatly true!

It doesn't work for everybody though!

fairycakes

Thank you! What a weak man...your so better off without him Misslolly.

iSam

I suspect that how he broke up with you isn't really what's upsetting you anymore, I think it's that hopeless feeling of will I ever meet the right guy, will I end up a 30 year old spinster with all my friends getting married etc that you find really disconcerting.

I got married in May and just a few days ago my husband (26) was giving out about stupid men (boys) who act like commitment and having kids is the most scary thing in the world. He loves being in a relationship, he never wanted "the single life" even when he was 19 (when I first met him) he thinks men who are afraid of commitments are merely playing to the stereotypes they see in the media and on TV - where men are supposed to crave "freedom" and hate any talk of marriage and babies. It's bull****. He can't wait for our first baby to arrive (next April) and he gets really mad at men who act like children when it comes to relationships.

I have male friends who are also looking for relationships and hate to be in meaningless sexual encounters. There are plenty of good guys out there looking for the right girl just like you're looking for the right guy and you don't have to go online to find them. Join a club, play tag rugby, go to house parties - the guys are looking for you too, they just look in the places that you're not going too!!

Best of luck with dating and if a boyfriend doesn't work out, so what, the next boyfriend is always better than the last!!

fairycakes

Thanks isam I know there are great guys out there I don't want to put
them all in the same basket, I suppose as it only happened yesterday I am
still just very upset, I give a lot in relationships probably too much sometimes
but that's me its all or nothing! I have no doubt there is a great guy for me out there
I am only 28 plenty of time!!

Your husband sounds lovely!

I hope the baby is healthy and brings lots of joy
thanks a lot x

petes

Fairycakes your ex should have followed MR. T's advice:

cherryred

email dumping is not acceptable!

i was just discussing with my friend the other night the "best" way to be dumped after a rake of inappropriate dumpings of our friends(over the phone mainly, one of my friend was taken out to a fancy restaurant, she thought he was going to propose ).

Best conditions were
1. Must be face to face
2. He/she must come over to where you live(so you don't have to make your way home upset)
3. Must be in a comfy room but not one you spend alot of time in so you don't have bad memories(never the bedroom!)
4. None of this "maybe in a few weeks..." nonsense!

But anyway!
The most important thing is that you know you're better off without him, and his ridiculous behaviour is nothing to do with you!

fairycakes

oh thank you Insurgent I needed that!!!

mark renton

Couldnt help but notice somebody was looking to buy a man

I'm cheap - not too many miles on the clock, new wheels and with a bit of looking after will last the distance

fairycakes

great how much John??! Jesus the way I feel right now I'd bloody think about it!! thanks for putting a smile on my face!

humanji

OP, I think you should be happy you dodged a bullet with that one. And sure why should you be thinking about him being out on the weekend. You should be the one going out while he's wondering about you.

I've been dumped twice by txt, which is similar enough. The first time I shrugged it off (had been going out for about a month) and never gave her a second thought. The second time was a girl who got the wrong number and txted me instead, so that's another reason to get the balls to do it in person!

kittenkiller

Tbh, I think that an email/text etc. is sometimes better.
If it's not a serious relationship then at least no one sees anyone else crying (unless you open the mail in an internet cafe or something).
And then you can let the other person think what you want them to think about how you took the news.
Being all redfaced and covered in teary snot in the middle of your local or his Mum's place is not a dignified experience!
Then you have to get a taxi home because you can't face the bus or driving through tears and the taxi driver's all like "cheer up it might never happen luv", or if you profess everything to him, he might try it on or saying something stupid like "Ah don't worry about that fella luv, I know plenty of blokes who like a bitta meat on their women"...

Nightmare! Not that I've ever been dumped or anything....

fairycakes

Well Kittenkiller I thought it was serious ok only four months but you can fall for someone much sooner then that!! and I think a f*cking email to someone is such a cop out he is not a real man at all! I would never text or email someone
to break it off I think shows a lack of respect for that person...I get what your saying
but I had to drive over an hour home from work after him sending me that email how is that better!!!

kingtut

Not sure why I am telling everyone this but it is good to vent...

I dumped a girl for the first time ever about two months ago, every other time a relationship of mine ended it was the girl who did so and by text :mad:

It was not working out with my ex and I contemplated ending it for a while. We rushed into things and acted more like friends than gf and bf even though we were together for 8 months. We never saw each other and I never felt 100% comfortable when I was with her. She always went on hols with me and my friends and ruined the entire trip with a lot of nasty and hurtful comments.

I did not wish to be with her anymore and I did not think it was fair to pretend otherwise. I met up with her face and spent two hours talking to her about it. She cried a lot and I felt awful. She had the right to see me face to face and to punch me / kick me do whatever she wanted. In the end she just cried. I felt sooooo bad inside (not that it matters) and it made me wonder if the people who dump people by e-mail / text have any feelings. Even now if I think about it I feel like a right as*hole to be honest! Maybe I am selfish by saying that, I'm not sure. We are still friends and talk on a regular enough basis and I attribute this to the fact that I did it face to face and not in a cowardly way. I will not and have not spoken to the girls that dumped me by text.

Moral of the story, in my book dumping by text / email is the easy (and cowards) option. Meeting face to face shows you have feelings and that the relationship means something.

I think I am going to regret posting this, however if it helps the OP in even the slightest way then I guess it was worth it

xcarriex

My mam always says when she was growing up

'Men were men and pansys were flowers'

Head up OP, maybe even try speed dating, a guy i work with just got engaged to a girl he met speed dating, i think its way more personal than the internet, and you know what to expect on ur 2nd date

Just throw on ur fave outfit hit the dance floor and have a ball

good luck op

enda1

enda1 wrote: »

Are you completely insane!!?

I'd buy some ram or a camera on the internet, but not a feckin' partner!

met mine on the net

nothin against it at all as long as you do take it into real life fairly soon

Futurecrook

fairycakes I'm sorry he decided to break up with you in such a lousy way but honestly, you are so much better off without someone like that in your life. I understand completely that you can feel strongly for someone after only 4 months but thank god you didn't waste two years of your life with him. 'tis onwards and upwards from here my dear.

I will never understand how someone can be so emotionally detached as to treat people like this though.

fairycakes

Thanks Kingtut thats exactly how I am feeling like it actually meant
nothing to him he didnt have the courage to look me in the eye and
say he didnt want to be with me anymore..that hurts!

But as xcarriex just said I need to get back out there and I intend to shake
some moves on the dancefloor this weekend oh dear co meath won't be the same!!

1_in_1,000,000

O I feel for you OP. Igot dumped by fax at work once, and the fax machine was for genneral use in the office. i was the third person to see it. I could'nt go to work for a week i was so embaressed. Gawd.

petes

1_in_1,000,000 wrote: »

O I feel for you OP. Igot dumped by fax at work once, and the fax machine was for genneral use in the office. i was the third person to see it. I could'nt go to work for a week i was so embaressed. Gawd.

By fax!!! It gets worse!!

LimeFruitGum

Jeezus, what a scabby pathetic git to fax!! *hugs*

mark renton

Could be worse - imagine gettin dumped on boards :eek:

Wibbs

Oh I shouldn't wonder some muppet fool or fooless will do it sooner or later. :mad: Some people are morons, pure and simple. No insight into themselves and by extension others.

LadyJ

john47832 wrote: »

Could be worse - imagine gettin dumped on boards :eek:

Lol.

Thread title: Welcome to Dumpsville, Population LadyJ (note: I am using my own name for the purpose of the joke, you may insert the name of any poster if you plan to dump them on boards).

kittenkiller

john47832 wrote: »

Could be worse - imagine gettin dumped on boards :eek:

Could someone make a note to PM me the link when it does... That's not something I'd like to miss!

Trishis

fairycakes wrote: »

Thanks Kingtut thats exactly how I am feeling like it actually meant
nothing to him he didnt have the courage to look me in the eye and
say he didnt want to be with me anymore..that hurts!

But as xcarriex just said I need to get back out there and I intend to shake
some moves on the dancefloor this weekend oh dear co meath won't be the same!!

Hey Fairycakes, hope you're ok today, horrible way to end a relationship. but it just shows how weak he is, so thats not someone you want to spend time with anyway. You sound way too clever and funny for that kind of person. Anyway try plentyoffish.com even if you dont meet anyone from it, it will probably boost your ego a little! No harm!!

fairycakes

To the person who got dumped by fax that is just awful I am sorry
Jesus some people have no feelings..
Dumped on boards were really going from bad to worse here!!!

Thanks Trishis I shall have a look at your suggestion, not feeling to great today
I am trying so hard to keep it out of my mind and just do lots of things and keep
busy...wish I didn't like him so much! anyway onwards and upwards!! x

Trishis

fairycakes wrote: »

To the person who got dumped by fax that is just awful I am sorry
Jesus some people have no feelings..
Dumped on boards were really going from bad to worse here!!!

Thanks Trishis I shall have a look at your suggestion, not feeling to great today
I am trying so hard to keep it out of my mind and just do lots of things and keep
busy...wish I didn't like him so much! anyway onwards and upwards!! x

We'll take your time, its hard to bounce back...just try not to think about why he ended it, or if it was something you did or didnt do etc...Because it wasn't! Whatever the reason, they were his problems and not yours. Keep your chin up and try to focus on the reason he might not have been right for you....I found that helped before! they never tick all the boxes so focus on the ones that he didnt! and i know its not easy, but it wont always hurt...you'll look back and be glad...promise!

petes

So whats next, getting dumped by actual mail??

sleepyescapade

I was dumped on MSN after just over a year together because apparently it was easier to do even though they still had to see me the next day in college. Regardless of being dumped, being dumped in that way really shook me at the time and I try to make a point of not discussing important stuff on the net.

panda100

Insurgent wrote: »

So whats next, getting dumped by actual mail??

I think I'd prefer that. At least it actually takes some time and effort to write and post a letter.
Actually I think I might have done that in my first year of college with this guy Id gone on a couple of dates with. I think its slightly different though when your 18 though.

After 23 dumping someone in any other way than meeting face to face just shows a real maturity retardness.

I feel a lot better knowing I'm not alone in the email dumping boat Wasn't Carrie in SATC dumped by a post-it note?Thats got to be the worst.

Gone West

fairycakes wrote: »

who is mature enough to break up with someone face to face or do I not deserve that...

Don't assume he is immature because he didn't do it face to face.

Maybe he just doesn't consider you important enough to meet up or even call.
Maybe he doesn't have the balls to do it face to face (most likely)
Maybe he just doesn't care, and its easier for him not to care.
Maybe he has another girlfriend, and shes getting suspicious, so he can't get an evening away from her for a while,

You can't just assume a guy is immature, he could also just be treating you like ****

rhyolite

FuzzyLogic wrote: »

Don't assume he is immature because he didn't do it face to face.

if email - or any other written word - is how the dumper is best able to communicate what he feels, them maybe that's best...

i don't see the 'face to face' thing as being an issue of cowardice or decency - i think doing it as soon as the dumper decides that its what he/she wants to do, being nice 'i really enjoyed our time together, but....' and being firm, as being the decent, brave things in ending a relationship.

i'd much rather get the news in written form - in private - than have some awful scene that results in one party begging the other for another chance and spending the next month in a dead relationship that the other person only agreed to because they couldn't stand the sight of the other one in so much distress.

being dumped is shit, personally i'm not sure what the awkwardness of being around the person who's just reduced you to tears does for the whole experience...

metaoblivia

FuzzyLogic wrote: »

Don't assume he is immature because he didn't do it face to face.

Maybe he just doesn't consider you important enough to meet up or even call.
Maybe he doesn't have the balls to do it face to face (most likely)
Maybe he just doesn't care, and its easier for him not to care.
Maybe he has another girlfriend, and shes getting suspicious, so he can't get an evening away from her for a while,

You can't just assume a guy is immature, he could also just be treating you like ****

Those are all examples of a guy being immature...

lazygal

I saw this thread and had to reply!
OP I just saw my ex who dumped me last year BY TEXT MESSAGE! And you know what-it was much more akward for him than for me because I knew I hadn't acted in such an immature way and had nothing to be ashamed of-unlike him!
I still remember reading the message-which contained the usual rubbish "let's see eachother as friends" "I'll meet up if you want to talk" blah blah blah...Bottom line I am now in a great relationship and I would never have met current OH if I hadn't had the text message break up, followed by a rebound relationship which led me to my current blissful state with partner number three (someone I see myself with long term).
So, my main message is that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's a long tunnel though while you are still in post breakup hysteria (doesn't matter if its a few months or years because its your relationship and meant a lot to you) but once you come out the other side I hope you meet ex like I did an hour ago and have a little chuckle about how life really is funny and throws all sorts at you!!!:D

Fluorescence

Insurgent wrote: »

Your're right I wouldn't buy a partner online either :pac:

I have to say what a cop out. Better off without.

To the poster who text the guy you would be better off friends, imagine what it would be like if you were going out for six months and then broke it off. I mean you hadn't even kissed ffs!!

My boyfriend of 10/11 months broke up with me by text (last December)... What could have been a nice enough break-up with us remaining good friends really just killed it for me. The fact that the text was also very accusatory didn't help :pac: