Not revenge,but a certain type of justice..

chancer_007

Hope I have the correct forum,please feel free to move

Split up with my partner of 7 years last december.Our relationship was going ok,ups & downs like every other couple.
we had a big argument one night & didnt speak for 2 days.
We sat down & talked & she proceeded to tell me she loved another man,she said nothing had happened between them when we were together,
said she wasnt happy in our realtionship & that I didnt give her enough attention.
She moved out & stayed with some female friends.2 months went by.I said nothing,bottled everything up.
I did everything in my power to get this woman back,I got down on knees & begged.
she said no,that too much had happened,she meant the hurt & suffering but also what happened between herself & this other man she loved.They had slept together since we split.
She was seeing him a few months after we split up.I asked her to come back but she said she was seeing him.

anyway,the months went by,this was eating away at me.I did so much for her when we were together,other stuff I should have done I suppose.
hindsight & all that goes with it.
the more I think about what she said the more angry I was but as the months went by I am good again,not great,but good.
when she told me about this other person it makes me feel sick what she said,crushed me.
The physololgical affect this has had on me has been hard but I am mentally strong & have survived.
Part of me still loves her alot,but part of me hates her. I still havent 100% let go but I'm getting there.

the thing is,when we were together she told me how she had avoided paying tax on certain "financial" interests she had(big financial deals)
I wont go into details but she could owe serious money, money that she doesnt have anymore!

now,my only question is,

Do I pick up the phone & call the revenue in the same cool,calm & clinical manner when she told me she loved another man?
&
absolutely bury her?

SarahSassy

Nasty nasty nasty. Of course you dont.

She did nothing wrong. Gave the relatioship a go but didnt feel you paid her enough attention. She got the attention elsewhere and waited til you were finished to move on with the new relationship.

She did nothing wrong so leave her alone.

m'lady

Totally agree with Sarahsassy, very nasty indeed. If we were to all 'bury' our ex's after a relationship ended the world would be very nasty place, where we could never trust people we meet, in fear that they would hang us out to dry if something went wrong in the relationship. You need to get over it, and get on with your life, rather than trying to plan revenge on your ex.

Angelicus_22

For sure you bury her, your only question should be....do you tell her to her face that it was you, or do you send her a text, personally go for the face to face method so you can savour her reaction....

humanji

If it'll make you feel better, then report her. But ask yourself if it really will make you feel better. If she does owe a lot of money, it'll destroy her life. It's hardly equal to simply not being in love with you, is it? A flaming bag of dog doo outside her door would be pushing it, so ruining her life is a touch extreme.

squonk

Let her be. She has her own life to get on with. You have yours. Her tax issues may come back to haunt her at a later stage but that's her concern. Sure you feel hurt but all you're doing by reporting her is prolonging the process of getting over her. Yes, you hate her now but 7 years is a long time to be in a relationship and you lack the perspective just yet to fully judge the situation. Don't do something out of spite now that you might regret later on after the dust has settled. In the course of time if you have gotten over her fully and still feel that reporting her is the right thing to do (in the sense that if it was one of your friends who who knew had made the same arrangements, you'd report them) then that's your decision. Don't listen to the people on here telling you to go for it. I don't think that's very relevant to where you are right now. Although your relationship ended, she did treat you as fairly as she could. I would say please treat others the way you would hope they'd treat you.

helimachoptor

honestly no you shouldnt, you guys broke up. She moved on quicker than you. From what you have said she didnt do anything nasty, though you view it from that angle which is completely natural.

Nailing her to the wall over this will make you feel great short term, but after your feelings for her have subsided you'll realise you were a p*ick for doing it and only did it out of spite.

Take a deep breath dude, just forget about her.

wexford202

You definitely shouldn't do that.

There are things that a partner knows about the other alwas in relationships and those things you need to take to the grave, whether she has a ronnie, likes wearing mens underpants or doesn't pay her taxes.

You would only let yourself down by doing that.

Revenge in this case wouldn't be sweet. If you did that to her she may let all your secrets out of the bag and then all hell will break lose.

You didn't win the girl this time. Don't be a sore loser and move on. I mean that in a nice way and not a nasty way.

Taltos

Why?
Are you trying to confirm to her that she was right to finish with you???

Seriously - at least she had the guts to break up with you instead of playing around behind your back...
How much more messed up would you be if she had done that to you.

The break-up might not have been the nicest and I am sure that bad things were said on both sides but from your message it seems that she at least tried to play it straight with you.

Think of the impact not only to her life but to you....
All future partners once they learn of this will have to have serious doubts about your trust-worthiness... Don't let yourself down like that.

Chances are at some point she might be found out but don't be known as the one who shopped her. You stand not only to ruin her life but your own future happiness too.

laura l

move on.

LegacyUser

Do tell Revenue. She has stolen money, in the exact same way as any welfare cheat or Insurance fraudster.

Why should she get away with it?

It is your, and every tax-payers' business and should be dealt with.

It will also help you cleanse yourself of her, but that's another issue you might need more help with.

LegacyUser

the way my ex treated me was absoluteyl disgusting and crushed me.....he had lost his job and was doing a good few nixers a week and claiming dole, i work 6 days a week and basically got so so p*ssed off that this scumbag was making nearly twice as much money as me and doing half the hours and claiming dole and getting away with it! i reported him and he got stung, they are now chasing him for about 6 mths of fraudulently claimed social welfare!!! It may be a horrible thing to do and not something i would normally stoop to but it made me feel better!!!!

kittenkiller

If I met a guy who told me that he did that to his ex I'd run a mile.
You'll make yourself into one of those vindictive, spiteful, obsessive people if you bothered to do that.
No one would trust you with anything after that.

If you have been so strong mentally so far, don't ruin it now.

Miss Fluff

What a horribly mean-spirited and nasty thing to even contemplate.

Are you going to do this every time something doesn't go your way?

So if you don't get that job you interviewed for will you try and exact revenge on the boss? Or report the tour rep when it rains on your holiday?

GET A GRIP.

Oh The Humanity

Cop on to yourself.

So you were in a relationship, it didn't work out for whatever reason.

She moved on as she is perfectly entitled to do and you get it into your head that because you are hurt it justifies you doing this horrible thing you are contemplating doing?

Where is the logic?

You lost in love, So What.

It happens every day. Get over it. You are not entitled to 'revenge' because someone fell out of love with you.

The idea you are contemplating is very immature, petty, selfish, shameful and pathetic. Grow up.

Wagon

chancer_007 wrote: »

the thing is,when we were together she told me how she had avoided paying tax on certain "financial" interests she had(big financial deals)
I wont go into details but she could owe serious money, money that she doesnt have anymore!

It's illegal not to pay tax.

Do I pick up the phone & call the revenue in the same cool,calm & clinical manner when she told me she loved another man?
&
absolutely bury her?

The sensible part of me says "be the bigger person" but honestly, why bother? We all have to pay tax. She isn't paying it then she's stealing. Regardless of her relationship with this other man and how much it hurt you, report her and let the law decide what to do. Just make sure you can do it anonamously.

prinz

What Wagon just said. Report her. The weird sense of satisfaction you may get is just a twisted bonus for you, but it's irrelevant. She's breaking the law, report her.

Oh The Humanity

I disagree.

It is none of OP's business whether her financial affairs are in order or not.

OP, you have no business playing God in someone's life. Someone who has done nothing wrong to you.

We are all accidentally aware of information about other peoples lives which we could use to hurt them.
To actually use that information to deliberately hurt another person is self-seving and wrong.

Trying to justify it with empty claims that its for the taxpayers good is just transparent bull$hit. After all if it really was an issue why only contemplate it now and not before.

This smacks of utter manipulation.

Emme

It might make you feel better in the short term but in the long term it won't do you any good. That sort of thing would put women off. Your ex would suspect it was you who spilt the beans and she would spread the word!

Imagine saying this to a potential new girlfriend:

"I reported my ex to the revenue for fraud muahahaha..."

Scary :eek:

prinz

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I disagree.

It is none of OP's business whether her financial affairs are in order or not.OP, you have no business playing God in someone's life. Someone who has done nothing wrong to you. We are all accidentally aware of information about other peoples lives which we could use to hurt them.
To actually use that information to deliberately hurt another person is self-seving and wrong..

If I find out my next door neighbour is regulary beating and raping his OH, is it still none of my business? Am I "playing God" if I give a witness statement to an assault /murder? If my mate has a kidnapped bank worker tied up in his bathroom, should I ignore it? It's ironic how things like tax fraud and evasion are accepted in this country, while at the same time people are screaming blue murder about politician's expenses, the economy etc. Tax dodgers have done something wrong to all of us. It's not a victimless harmless crime.

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Trying to justify it with empty claims that its for the taxpayers good is just transparent bull$hit. After all if it really was an issue why only contemplate it now and not before.
This smacks of utter manipulation.

It is. The OP seems to just want to get one over on this woman. However she is still breaking the law and as such any one has the right to report her.

NickNolte

OP - lots of smug, po-faced idiots on here will tell you to tell teacher the revenue. The fact of the matter is that our tax dollars have been squandered and the government and banks have destroyed this country for a generation (at least) to come. So there's absolutely no moral quandry there.

Aside from that, and to reiterate what others have said, you need to grow the f**k up. You're looking to get a very nasty revenge on a woman who you had an iffy relationship with because she found someone she liked better than you. It doesn't take a genius to join the dots here, does it? Eh?

NickNolte

prinz wrote: »

It's not a victimless harmless crime.

The only victims are hapless, incompetent politicians and greedy, corrupt banks. I don't see why I or anyone else should bail them out. Comparing not being raped to rape is a rich one. Anyway, I'll stay on topic.

kittenkiller

prinz wrote: »

If I find out my next door neighbour is regulary beating and raping his OH, is it still none of my business? Am I "playing God" if I give a witness statement to an assault /murder? If my mate has a kidnapped bank worker tied up in his bathroom, should I ignore it?

Or call the police if you see a j-walker?
I see where you're coming from but some crimes are more serious than others and if the OP didn't have an issue with the tax evasion when he was going out with his ex, he shouldn't now.
If he doesn't even have any proof, then he'd just end up looking stupid.
He also mentioned that the ex wouldn't have the money to pay the revenue back, so what's the point?
Have her sent to prison just because she broke up with him?

It'd be a different issue if he was still with her and it was playing on his mind that it was unfair, but in this case the OP is just trying to be vindictive and cause hurt.

I feel stung by people who are abusing the system too (I'm also hostile towards ex's), but shopping his ex just because she ended things is a really *really* sad act.

TheBlock

If shes a tax cheat she should be shopped. Like any other tax cheat. You have the wrong reasons for doing this but it should be done.

OS119

OP, before you ring the revenue in righteous indignation (ha!) over your ex's tax arrangements, you perhaps ought to consider two moral issues, 1) by not reporting her to the relevant authorities as soon as practicable after you became aware of them you have also commited an offence, and 2) while your ex's cash wasn't attracting tax, did you not benefit in a single way from her having more money that she should of had - 'coz i bet you did...

NickNolte

TheBlock wrote: »

If shes a tax cheat she should be shopped. Like any other tax cheat. You have the wrong reasons for doing this but it should be done.

Good little citizen, aren't you? :rolleyes:

prinz

NickNolte wrote: »

The only victims are hapless, incompetent politicians and greedy, corrupt banks. I don't see why I or anyone else should bail them out. Comparing not being raped to rape is a rich one. Anyway, I'll stay on topic.

Sorry paying your tax isn't bailing anyone out.

NickNolte

prinz wrote: »

Sorry paying your tax isn't bailing anyone out.

It is. As I say anyway, I'll stay on topic as it's PI.

prinz

kittenkiller wrote: »

I feel stung by people who are abusing the system too (I'm also hostile towards ex's), but shopping his ex just because she ended things is a really *really* sad act.

Agreed. But that doesn't detract from his right ( and duty ) to do it.

NickNolte

prinz wrote: »

Agreed. But that doesn't detract from his right ( and duty ) to do it.

I'd say you were kind of kid who told teacher in school when anyone did anything bold, were you?

prinz

NickNolte wrote: »

I'd say you were kind of kid who told teacher in school when anyone did anything bold, were you?

NickNolte wrote: »

It is. As I say anyway, I'll stay on topic as it's PI.

No, I'm just not a hypocrite.

NickNolte

prinz wrote: »

No, I'm just not a hypocrite.

Yeah but you're a good citizen. FF voter, are we? Please don't tell teacher. Pwease.

Dan Chipowski

Definitely report her.

NickNolte

Wow. A lot of self-righteous indignation here. Must be a few people on boards with grannies in hospital, costing the rest of us millions a year.

OP - do not report her unless you were going to do it anyway which, let's face it, you weren't. Doing it for revenge makes you a pathetic and ridiculous man.

metrovelvet

You want revenge? Dig two graves.

LegacyUser

Op if you think it will make you feel better DO IT! I did it, i felt better, i still do knowing that smug little sh*t will get everything thats coming to him!!
And also really who the hell would find out it was you?? You make the anonymous report and you tell NOONE! Thats what i did......im safe in the knowledge noone knows what i did, he robbed me of dignity etc and so i robbed him of money he shouldnt have been allowed earn!!!!

Wibbs

Do you really want to go down this route OP? Think on it for longer as it could affect you more than you know down the line.

muppetkiller

As a neutral here I think you should report her.
Simply because as a tax payer I hate the scum that cheat the system.

But if you are asking for advice here as to if it's justified reporting her because you feel she treated you so badly then it's a big NO..do not report her for that reason. The reason I say this is for one thing I have a little bit of simpathy for the girl. We can't chose who we love. Sometimes no matter how long we've been involved with someone and no matter how much you love them they can fall out of love with you, as you can with them. It's heartbreaking for the losing party but that's life. You can get angry and bitter to try and destroy her life if you want but you'll never get her back that way either. And if you think seeing the woman you love in jail or financially ruined because of what you've done in an act of revenge will cheer you up then you truely are not thinking straight.

From the sounds of things she didn't cheat on you and only broke up with you when she couldn't handle the relationship anymore. So I say fair play to her for ending it before she got truely involved with him.

It doesn't sound here like i've any sympathy for you but I do. It's just that it's not the end of the world and that life goes on and in time you'll laugh and wonder why you wasted so much time over her. (Then report her lol)

Kipperhell

It is simple revenge as you wouldn't have done it while with her.

Morally it may be justifiable if it wasn't for the fact it would be betraying a trust from a relationship just because the relationship is over does not mean you should turn your back on what it was. Even if you feel the other person has!

Sure you might feel better after doing it but you may later feel worse later on and if you don't then you would become a person you may not want to be. Personally I couldn't do it but mostly because I wouldn't want to be that person.

squonk

anyone here talking of the OP shopping the ex, are you not realising that you are potentially ruining someone's life? There are a lot of things we should do and that would be technicaly right to do but which aren't because there are mitigating circumstances. the issue with taxes is between the OP's ex and the government. If he was marrying her then that'd be grounds for being concerned. They have no further dealings in that line and the OP would be better served concentrating on himself and his own wellbeing. The OP's primary focus right now should be on working on his feelings and towards moving on. Down the line if he can say he's genuinely moved on, at peace with the situation and is genuinely bothered by his OP's tax situation still, then by all means he can report her. What you are doing now IMHO is stirring a situation and manipulating a person in a vulnerable state to do something that down the line they may regret and may lead to more trouble. Frankly I think you're no better than people egging on a disgruntled person who got thrown out of a nightclub to go and beat up the bouncers once they got out, instead of taking them home, calming them down and telling them that if they were still put out the following day to write a strongly worded letter.

BettePorter

prinz wrote: »

If I find out my next door neighbour is regulary beating and raping his OH, is it still none of my business?

the difference is;
it's none of your business if you know he's been beating her for years without issue from you and the day he takes your parking space at the front of your house, you then decide to report him for beating his wife.

the op had no such moral conviction while he was dating this woman. if she decided she loved him tomorrow he would have no interest in reporting her for tax evasion. she's best off out of it as far as i can see. what satisfaction will he get from reporting her? na-na-na-na throwing his toys outta the pram cause she wouldn't let him play. She may be a tax evader but that's a whole other issue, he' s not being a good minded citizen, he's being a sly underhanded vindictive creep.

prinz

BettePorter wrote: »

he' s not being a good minded citizen, he's being a sly underhanded vindictive creep.

I acknowledged that... however that doesn't alter the fact that tax frauds deserved to be shopped.

squonk

prinz wrote: »

I acknowledged that... however that doesn't alter the fact that tax frauds deserved to be shopped.

Prinz, of course tax frauds deserve to be stopped where possible but the OP's motives aren't related to tax issues, they're related to his hurt feelings in this case. Tax fraud and, indeed, misuse of our taxes by our public representatives is a very large issue and not remotely near the scope of this forum so all I'll say is that while people talking about reporting tax fraud are correct, you have to take other motives into account. the man doesn't need to be ncited to do this now. He needs to be allowed get his head clear.

bangersandmash

NickNolte wrote: »

Yeah but you're a good citizen. FF voter, are we? Please don't tell teacher. Pwease.

It says something about the attitude prevalent in this country that "good citizen" is used as a term of abuse.

That said, this sounds like a case of doing the right thing for the wrong (or at the very least highly dubious personal) reasons. And it probably isn't going to do the OP any good whatsoever from a purely personal perspective.

Kipperhell

squonk wrote: »

anyone here talking of the OP shopping the ex, are you not realising that you are potentially ruining someone's life?

A lot of people see if somebody's own action are the reason for their life being ruined it isn't the person who points out the crime that is responsible. I would have that view myself. His actions may result in her being caught but she is still responsible for her own actions. You don't get to shift the blame because of loyalty.

In saying that it is a betrayal of trust and an act of revenge. I don't report my brother-in-law even though I disagree with his behaviour on tax.

TheBlock

NickNolte wrote: »

Good little citizen, aren't you? :rolleyes:

Your point is?

meditraitor

Dont bother reporting her, lowering yourself to her level is not the solution.

Chancer007 wrote:

We sat down & talked & she proceeded to tell me she loved another man,she said nothing had happened between them when we were together,

On a side note, this is bull^^^^ you should have copped onto this old chesnut. :mad:

It will take a little longer but soon(its been 9 months, give it till after christmas) you will feel nothing for her and if you go down the road of reporting her it will be you who ends up feeling guilty not her, even though she should be the one..... what goes around doesnt mean you have to be the one bring it back around.

kittenkiller

scorned wrote: »

Op if you think it will make you feel better DO IT! I did it, i felt better, i still do knowing that smug little sh*t will get everything thats coming to him!!
And also really who the hell would find out it was you?? You make the anonymous report and you tell NOONE! Thats what i did......im safe in the knowledge noone knows what i did, he robbed me of dignity etc and so i robbed him of money he shouldnt have been allowed earn!!!!

And you're too ashamed of yourself to post under your username?

Vengeance for being dumped is a natural yearning, but shameful to act on.

OP get over it, find a new partner and *then* see if you still want to see her go to jail if she doesn't have enough money to pay the government back.

LegacyUser

Kittenkiller im NOT ashamed of anything ive done. What part of the word anonymous do you not understand? I reported mt ex due to bad feeling yes partially for the way he treated me and partly because he was flaunting his ill gotten gains while i work my backside off six days a week just to keep a roof over my head and also when genuine innocent people let go from their jobs with kids etc have to wait to wait weeks and weeks for social welfare they are more than entitled too..............thats what p*ses me off and thats why i did it. Im not ashamed as i said but it is no one elses business who i am!!!

Silverfish

NickNolte banned for 7 days for unhelpful and abusive posting.

Please keep it civil. Off-topic and unhelpful posts can and WILL earn you a ban from this forum.

Thanks.

invincibleirish

Whatever about the OPs motivations for reporting the crime, it is still a crime and should be reported. This country has a much higher tolerance of white collar crime then elsewhere and i wonder would certain posters be as critical of the OP if the crime involved drugs or violence rather then defrauding the state?.