Maintenance Payments - Worth pursuing?

LegacyUser

Hi All,
I have issued a maintenance summons for my ex to pay maintenance for my children. However, he is disputing this - as i waived maintenance payments for a few years in order to keep the family home for my children. I am now unemployed and simply cannot survive, nor support my children, i have now option but to apply 1 yr earlier than our agreed time. I havent' received a cent from him in 8yrs or asked him for anything.

My ex is working on a CE scheme..but is able to afford a few holidays each year (i have proof of these hols) and appears to be having a great time.. socialising/ holidays/w/ends away.. etc. Also i believe he is doing odd jobs and getting cash in hand for this - but i cannot prove this.

A number of friends have told me that i am wasting my time and money, because since he is on a CE scheme.. i will get nothing from him.

Reason for this post is i don't want to waste money or energy chasing this if it's not going to work? Any advise would be appreciated.
thanks

Dublin_Gunner

Lone Parent wrote: »

Hi All,
I have issued a maintenance summons for my ex to pay maintenance for my children. However, he is disputing this - as i waived maintenance payments for a few years in order to keep the family home for my children. I am now unemployed and simply cannot survive, nor support my children, i have now option but to apply 1 yr earlier than our agreed time. I havent' received a cent from him in 8yrs or asked him for anything.

My ex is working on a CE scheme..but is able to afford a few holidays each year (i have proof of these hols) and appears to be having a great time.. socialising/ holidays/w/ends away.. etc. Also i believe he is doing odd jobs and getting cash in hand for this - but i cannot prove this.

A number of friends have told me that i am wasting my time and money, because since he is on a CE scheme.. i will get nothing from him.

Reason for this post is i don't want to waste money or energy chasing this if it's not going to work? Any advise would be appreciated.
thanks

It wont cost you much apart form a bit of time to go to the family court. However, you've mentioned a family home. If you were married, and / or bought the house together, you will probably want to seek advice from a solicitor first.

He will have to provide evidence of income, as well as fill out a sheet on expenditure etc in order for the court to determine if there has been enough time or indeed more than enough without maintenance.

8 years is a long time, and if my own maintenance payments were for that long (for 1 child) that equates to €33,600 in my case - I think he's had it easy enough for long enough now TBH and IMO. Get advice, or go to the family court and make an application anyway. Did you have a formal / legal seperation?

metrovelvet

If he is on a ce scheme it may not be worth the trouble you may get only 20 a week, but you could put in for a variation order later on.

Be advised that once you go to court you have to keep going back and that I believe, unless I was misinformed, the majority of disputes end up being settled in the circuit court, where you will have to hire a solicitor and a barrister.

As for holidays, they dont prove much really. I have often gotten return flights for me and my son for 20 euro and I have people I can stay with. In fact I recently got return flights for 4 cents. So if someone tried to pull me up on that it wouldnt really fly.

AS for cash in hand - if you cant prove it you're lost. The blackmarket is under the radar.

LegacyUser

metrovelvet wrote: »

If he is on a ce scheme it may not be worth the trouble you may get only 20 a week, but you could put in for a variation order later on.

Be advised that once you go to court you have to keep going back and that I believe, unless I was misinformed, the majority of disputes end up being settled in the circuit court, where you will have to hire a solicitor and a barrister.

As for holidays, they dont prove much really. I have often gotten return flights for me and my son for 20 euro and I have people I can stay with. In fact I recently got return flights for 4 cents. So if someone tried to pull me up on that it wouldnt really fly.

AS for cash in hand - if you cant prove it you're lost. The blackmarket is under the radar.

thanks for the advice on this, I partly guessed without proof it wouldn't be relevant, but €20 a wk would be better than nothing, i'm really struggling at the moment and can't survive. He's claiming he spends a fortune on them, which is lies. it'll be interesting how he proves that one i suppose. Thanks again

ElectraBlue

Go into Dolphin House District family law clerk and ask for hearing to have a maintenance review you can only go back 6 months, and you WILL be rewarded maintenance even if its €10-20pw.

He has a duty to provide for his children regardless of what he's earning, of what agreement you both have made, of what means he has. It is unethical that he has made NO provision for you or his children to date. The fact he goes on holidays is irrelevant, the fact he's on a low wage is irrelevant - court WILL make him pay what THEY think he can afford. You keep all receipts for clothes, school costs, food, child care etc etc. Plus all you outgoings ESB/Gas/mortgage etc. What kind of car does he drive? Sure holidays to a certain location can be cheap - but not 3-4 times a year!

As he has now left the family home some time ago, I doubt if he has much grounds for a claim now especially in light of the 'agreement' and the house's present value. Which means his agreement is now worthless.

Metro: District court cases rarely end up in Circuit unless a decision is made and either party applies to appeal it. You can also go to district court appeal hearing to object to the appeal. I do agree that District hearings can be ongoing - especially if one party consistently disobeys the order. It can be tiring and weary but don't give up. You owe that to your children.

While you can represent yourself in the district court - you can't do this successfully in Circuit as its more formal and a Solicitor would be recommended. I would advise you to speak to a good family law solicitor first. If you are unemployed you will qualify for legal aid anyway.

Don't put it off - there is a 3-4 month wait for a hearing...

Good luck

metrovelvet

^ You have a point there. As someone once said about mothers not pursuing maintenance "you dont have the right to steal from your children."

LegacyUser

ElectraBlue wrote: »

Go into Dolphin House District family law clerk and ask for hearing to have a maintenance review you can only go back 6 months, and you WILL be rewarded maintenance even if its €10-20pw.

He has a duty to provide for his children regardless of what he's earning, of what agreement you both have made, of what means he has. It is unethical that he has made NO provision for you or his children to date. The fact he goes on holidays is irrelevant, the fact he's on a low wage is irrelevant - court WILL make him pay what THEY think he can afford. You keep all receipts for clothes, school costs, food, child care etc etc. Plus all you outgoings ESB/Gas/mortgage etc. What kind of car does he drive? Sure holidays to a certain location can be cheap - but not 3-4 times a year!

As he has now left the family home some time ago, I doubt if he has much grounds for a claim now especially in light of the 'agreement' and the house's present value. Which means his agreement is now worthless.

Metro: District court cases rarely end up in Circuit unless a decision is made and either party applies to appeal it. You can also go to district court appeal hearing to object to the appeal. I do agree that District hearings can be ongoing - especially if one party consistently disobeys the order. It can be tiring and weary but don't give up. You owe that to your children.

While you can represent yourself in the district court - you can't do this successfully in Circuit as its more formal and a Solicitor would be recommended. I would advise you to speak to a good family law solicitor first. If you are unemployed you will qualify for legal aid anyway.

Don't put it off - there is a 3-4 month wait for a hearing...

Good luck

[/QUOTE]^ You have a point there. As someone once said about mothers not pursuing maintenance "you dont have the right to steal from your children." [/QUOTE]

Thank you for these responses - this is my thinking also.
He has no claim on the family home (he didn't even sign it over when he agreed and i had to go to District court and get it done in his absence)..

He has made absolutely NO provision for the Children at all.. I have no choice but to persue him on this as i simply cannot survive. He does not own his own car at present. he's owned two in as many years but they are now off the road. He uses his parents car all the time.

I have a court date for a few wks time and have issued statement of means to him have receipts for everything - we are awaiting his response.

I just hope the judge see's tru his "poor me" attitude

thanks

Splendour

[QUOTE=Lone Parent;62163717I just hope the judge see's tru his "poor me" attitude

[/QUOTE]

I doubt it. My maintenance was severely cut (wasn't much in the first place :rolleyes: when I was last in court due to the fact that my Ex pleaded poverty which was all lies. I am now on the poverty line while he lives the high life.

You say you have the family home. Have you a big mortgage on this? TBH, I would love if my Ex had left me in the family home and not payed maintenace. If you had to get your own house you would have had to get a new mortgage and still possibly not get maintenance.

If you waived maintenance payments because you wanted to keep the house, I don't think much will change.

Good luck with it anyway...

LegacyUser

Splendour wrote: »

I doubt it. My maintenance was severely cut (wasn't much in the first place :rolleyes: when I was last in court due to the fact that my Ex pleaded poverty which was all lies. I am now on the poverty line while he lives the high life.

You say you have the family home. Have you a big mortgage on this? TBH, I would love if my Ex had left me in the family home and not payed maintenace. If you had to get your own house you would have had to get a new mortgage and still possibly not get maintenance.

If you waived maintenance payments because you wanted to keep the house, I don't think much will change.

Good luck with it anyway...

I had to remortgage to clear the debts we incurred - i took over sole responibility for joint loans & arrears which were building at the time, he walked away with a fortune.. but that's all history now i suppose.

I still can't believe a judge will look at my statement of means (with a huge deficit each week) and my kids going without the basics - then look at my ex's who only has himself to feed etc; and give us nothing? How unfair is this?

Splendour

Lone Parent wrote: »

I had to remortgage to clear the debts we incurred - i took over sole responibility for joint loans & arrears which were building at the time, he walked away with a fortune.. but that's all history now i suppose.

I still can't believe a judge will look at my statement of means (with a huge deficit each week) and my kids going without the basics - then look at my ex's who only has himself to feed etc; and give us nothing? How unfair is this?

It's very unfair if your Ex is earning more than he is claiming (as mine was). He too manages a few holidays every year, new car, big house etc. but unfortunately the judge only looked at his affidavit of means and not his lifestyle.
Of course, if you go to court you may get a judge who is willing to listen to you but they are few and far between. Think long and hard though before you hire a solicitor as you will be out of pocket for this whether or not you are granted a maintenance payment.

lillybelle01

I used a solicitor for my maintenance hearing and i found him to be fantastic, i was awarded 60 per wk minimal as it is in the grand scheme of things it helps and it was better than nothing my ex was in a low paid job at the time and the judge told his to cut down on his discretionary spending to pay the maintenance, i had proof of his hols and many nights out etc. My solicitor presented everything with out being too emotionally involved he judge listened to the facts and ruled. though you will be out of pocket for the solicitor fees it was the best money i ever spent. check if your eligible for legal aid. best of luck hope it gets sorted:o:o:o:o

Nevyn

If I was in such a position and knew that they were playing the poor mouth I would looking at getting proof even hiring a private detective if it was needed.

Splendour

Thaedydal wrote: »

If I was in such a position and knew that they were playing the poor mouth I would looking at getting proof even hiring a private detective if it was needed.

I had loads of proof but the judge didn't want to listen. This guy paid e90,000 off his mortgage last year but she (judge) didn't bat an eyelid when she heard this! Very very frustrating...
Tbh, it was a waste of my paying a fortune to a solicitor as my maintenance was drastically reduced and I'm now paying my solicitors fees back by the month . I wouldn't mind but it was my Ex. who wanted a divorce...

metrovelvet

You can always appeal through a variation order.

But tell the judge that when you go to Tesco and buy food for your children, the person at the till does not ask you "what can you afford to pay?"

Things cost money, whether we can afford them or not and these judges need to hear that while taking on board the cries of poverty from the other party.

Its easy to hide money and hard to prove it when under the radar.

LegacyUser

lillybelle01 wrote: »

I used a solicitor for my maintenance hearing and i found him to be fantastic, i was awarded 60 per wk minimal as it is in the grand scheme of things it helps and it was better than nothing my ex was in a low paid job at the time and the judge told his to cut down on his discretionary spending to pay the maintenance, i had proof of his hols and many nights out etc. My solicitor presented everything with out being too emotionally involved he judge listened to the facts and ruled. though you will be out of pocket for the solicitor fees it was the best money i ever spent. check if your eligible for legal aid. best of luck hope it gets sorted:o:o:o:o

Hi,
Thanks to all for your responses so far. I do appreciate everyone's experience/idea's, it's a great help.

I have proof of at least one of his hols; I really wish I could follow Thaedydal's advice and hire a private detective, but I cannot afford groceries for week; so, definately cannot afford a private detective. The only way i can prove his many nights out is to follow him myself and take pics. (knowing my luck will get caught!)

It is very very frustrating, I have tried everything - chasing him for maintenance was a last resort as I said, I simply cannot survive and my children are going without the basics.

I have asked him to do the decent thing and help us, but no, he even took my statement of means to the pub and discussed the contents with his cronies. Apparently he had a great laugh at my situation.

I think it will depend on the judge on the day as to what, if anything, i will be awarded. I know its expensive for solicitor; but feel I HAVE to do this or else my children will suffer; at least i will know i tried my best. I still feel there is no way a judge will look at the situation and not award me something. (probably very naive, but I must at least try)

Thanks to you all for taking time to read this and respond.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP here..

Would appreciate your advice on latest update here...

Ex has just issued his statement of means... he's stating that he pays €85 euro pw towards the kids - ie clothes/shoes/pocket money etc..(pack of lies) if he did we wouldn't be in court in the first place. - he has no supporting evidence of this.

Nor has he provided any evidence of his expenses ie ESB/food etc.

The only evidence he has given is an oil bill from a year ago.. and his phone bill (from 3mths back) same goes for his wage slip - one dated from July??? i find this a bit suspicious as i can't understand why he wouldn't provide up to date documents? plus he only got his solicitor in Sept. so surely even doc's up to that date would be needed?

My problem now is the case is tomorrow.. and my solicitor is suggesting we seek an adjournment, to request he provides more proof of his outgoings etc.. as he gave nothing really while we gave him a book full of receipts/bills/bank statements - everything he could possibly need(this will be the second adjournment, one as he got one in Sept as he didn't have a solicitor sorted) it could take another month to get another hearing - this is going on now since July.. i'm getting more and more in debt by the day..

My solicitor has also told me that his solicitor is suggesting instead of him paying me maintenance directly (cos he say's i'll blow it!!) - that he open a bank account in the children's names? i have spoken to the children about this and even they have said they wouldn't trust him to pay into it and that i'd end still footing all their costs.. and i don't want them to be caught in the middle of this by getting them to check their accounts and giving me any money that i subbed while he didn't pay etc..but i kind of feel that my solicitor is pushing this on me..

I would be very grateful if you pls give me some advice on this.. do i agree to seek another adjournment or do i insist it goes ahead tomorrow with the info he has given? I know it's all delay tactics with him, but i need to get something sorted, fast.

hope this makes sense as i'm all over the place now with it.

thanks in advance for your help - very much appreciated

Kildrought

deleted

LegacyUser

Kildrought wrote: »

Do NOT accept this - it's an attempt to control and nothing more.

The children are entitled to their maintenance to be made available to the primary carer to assist with their upbringing.

If he's not prepared to put in a proper statment of his outgoings then the assumption is that what he has declared is what he spends every week. If thats a very low amount so be it; it's his problem if he's assessed at being able to pay more than he can.

I am inclined to agree with this myself - certainly is an attempt to control things.

So do i not look for the adjournment then and proceed tomorrow? - he hasn't provided any vouching documents for what he claims he pays for the children (he won't have these anyway as he doesn't give a cent towards them) my solicitor has suggested we do, but I'm anxious to get it sorted as i'm really broke and can't provide for the kids as it is. Really don't know what to do now - nor how to phrase it to my solicitor - she seemed to think him opening a bank account was a good idea... but i'd still end up paying what i am for the kids and looking for them to reimburse me.. that's not on.. i don't want to drag them into this mess.

thanks

Nevyn

Please note that all unreggied posts have to be manually approved by one of the mods and if can take a while for them to appear.

Also this forum and site is not a place to get legal advice and threads where people are looking for that will be locked.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Please note that all unreggied posts have to be manually approved by one of the mods and if can take a while for them to appear.

Also this forum and site is not a place to get legal advice and threads where people are looking for that will be locked.

Sorry Thaedydal, wasn't looking for legal advice - just other's opinions/thoughts on this, I will of course follow the advice given by my solicitor. Thanks

PullOutMethod

His behaviour towards you as the carer of his kids is a disgrace.
The kids are living through it now and will be there for you in the coming years.
The day will come when they're grown up and look him in the eye.
He will have to account for his behaviour.
I hope his mates are there when that happens.

Eoineo

Personally, I would proceed tomorrow regardless.

It's his responsibility to make sure he has up to date expenses and evidence of these for the judge. If he doesn't then that's his loss and it's certainly not down to you to give him another opportunity to come up with them. Honestly how long has the court date been coming? He's had plenty of advance notice.

WRT The separate bank account. As the children's main care giver you're entitled to have the maintenance monies paid directly to you. I'm sure you're getting the Children's Allowance paid directly to you? So what makes it any different?

Minors/Children shouldn't be expected to act as go betweens for warring parents and definitely aren't capable of making decisions about money and what you should spend it on. If he doesn't trust you with the money that's his issue. Your children aren't responsible for chasing him up if he doesn't pay into a central account - you are. It's petty to bring his own kids into this imho.

wolfpawnat

Lone Parent wrote: »

thanks for the advice on this, I partly guessed without proof it wouldn't be relevant, but €20 a wk would be better than nothing, i'm really struggling at the moment and can't survive. He's claiming he spends a fortune on them, which is lies. it'll be interesting how he proves that one i suppose. Thanks again

This means nothing unless he has the receipts. My parents fought each other tooth and nail about this issue, I fear at this stage I am better learned on this subject than most solicitors of the family court.

Even people on the jobseekers allowance have to dole out 10-20e. Prove all your expenses each week and what you are earning to pay them. Get your solicitor to play up the fact you no longer have the income you once had and that you have single handedly paid for school, birthdays and xmas!!! No judge in their right mind would allow him to walk away scot free!

Klingon Hamlet

Hi OP sorry to hear of your troubles. Our family legal system is a mess and our judges are on a different planet. I'm a dad paying child support for a son I haven't seen in over 8 months. Long story, won't bore you with it. Here's some ideas/advice:

1. Judge told me he would order a minimum of €50 pw from me even if I was on the dole (I am of course paying more cos I'm employed). Different judges have totally different opinions. Hopefully you'll get a sympathetic and realistic judge. Ask for the minimum of €50, you deserve at least that much for your poor kids.

2. His activities: does he have a public website? bebo, facebook? Some judges accept printouts proving he's a partying freeloader. Some will refuse to look at it. No harm in printing off some pages and seeing if it works.

3. Demand bank statements/credit card statements. Either or both could have the holiday purchases lsited---you could highlight these.

4. Present shopping receipts and statements for yourself---SHOW how close to zero you get, how financially difficult you're finding it.

I wish you the best of luck OP. Scumbags like him make me sick.

LegacyUser

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Hi OP sorry to hear of your troubles. Our family legal system is a mess and our judges are on a different planet. I'm a dad paying child support for a son I haven't seen in over 8 months. Long story, won't bore you with it. Here's some ideas/advice:

1. Judge told me he would order a minimum of €50 pw from me even if I was on the dole (I am of course paying more cos I'm employed). Different judges have totally different opinions. Hopefully you'll get a sympathetic and realistic judge. Ask for the minimum of €50, you deserve at least that much for your poor kids.

2. His activities: does he have a public website? bebo, facebook? Some judges accept printouts proving he's a partying freeloader. Some will refuse to look at it. No harm in printing off some pages and seeing if it works.

3. Demand bank statements/credit card statements. Either or both could have the holiday purchases lsited---you could highlight these.

4. Present shopping receipts and statements for yourself---SHOW how close to zero you get, how financially difficult you're finding it.

I wish you the best of luck OP. Scumbags like him make me sick.

Hi,
Thanks for this advice - my solicitor had requested these receipts/statements etc.. however, he didn't have these in court the other day -so the case has been adjourned for a month until he provides these. We presented him with a book full of receipts/bills/statements/demand letters - EVERYTHING.. and he walks in with nothing.

In the interim he has agreed to pay €50pw (25 each for the kids) he was refusing to pay it to me, but wanted to pay it into the kids accounts... I refused as i knew he would manipulate the kids and not pay it in.. and the judge agreed with me... so that really pee'd him off - that was the only issue that went before the judge as the solicitors were negotiating this outside the courtroom.

I did print off his facebook profile - messages etc.. where he was boasting about his holidays and the drinking spree's he's had.. but wasn't needed on this occassion.. will have them for the nxt hearing tho.

He also had a 6,000 personal loan written down - which he admitted that he borrowed from his mother for his holiday's...This really sickened me... my kids have gone without the bare necessities for so long now - and he's having a great time.

Also he does a lot of work for the GAA - Manages numerous teams at club level - my solicitor thought he was getting paid expenses - and he claimed that it was costing him money to volunteer for this... another sickener... would prefer to pay costs ie.. phonebills/petrol etc to attend these things rather than help with the kids.... really sickened me.

So that's where we are at the moment.. don't know if the judge will award me anything extra in a month tho.. but i guess i will have to hope for the best.

thanks everyone for your advice - it really does help

LegacyUser

Klingon Hamlet wrote: »

Hi OP sorry to hear of your troubles. Our family legal system is a mess and our judges are on a different planet. I'm a dad paying child support for a son I haven't seen in over 8 months. Long story, won't bore you with it. Here's some ideas/advice:

1. Judge told me he would order a minimum of €50 pw from me even if I was on the dole (I am of course paying more cos I'm employed). Different judges have totally different opinions. Hopefully you'll get a sympathetic and realistic judge. Ask for the minimum of €50, you deserve at least that much for your poor kids.

2. His activities: does he have a public website? bebo, facebook? Some judges accept printouts proving he's a partying freeloader. Some will refuse to look at it. No harm in printing off some pages and seeing if it works.

3. Demand bank statements/credit card statements. Either or both could have the holiday purchases lsited---you could highlight these.

4. Present shopping receipts and statements for yourself---SHOW how close to zero you get, how financially difficult you're finding it.

I wish you the best of luck OP. Scumbags like him make me sick.

Posted this earlier today but internet went down so don't know if it was received.. sorry if it's duplicated.

Hi,
Thanks for this advice - my solicitor had requested these receipts/statements etc.. however, he didn't have these in court the other day -so the case has been adjourned for a month until he provides these. We presented him with a book full of receipts/bills/statements/demand letters - EVERYTHING.. and he walks in with nothing.

In the interim he has agreed to pay €50pw (25 each for the kids) he was refusing to pay it to me, but wanted to pay it into the kids accounts... I refused as i knew he would manipulate the kids and not pay it in.. and the judge agreed with me... so that really pee'd him off - that was the only issue that went before the judge as the solicitors were negotiating this outside the courtroom.

I did print off his facebook profile - messages etc.. where he was boasting about his holidays and the drinking spree's he's had.. but wasn't needed on this occassion.. will have them for the nxt hearing tho.

He also had a 6,000 personal loan written down - which he admitted that he borrowed from his mother for his holiday's...This really sickened me... my kids have gone without the bare necessities for so long now - and he's having a great time.

Also he does a lot of work for the GAA - Manages numerous teams at club level - my solicitor thought he was getting paid expenses - and he claimed that it was costing him money to volunteer for this... another sickener... would prefer to pay costs ie.. phonebills/petrol etc to attend these things rather than help with the kids.... really sickened me.

So that's where we are at the moment.. don't know if the judge will award me anything extra in a month tho.. but i guess i will have to hope for the best.

thanks everyone for your advice - it really does help

CDfm

Even when you are seperated divorced you do have to parent and access times by their very nature are horrifically expensive because you have to cram stuff in and do without myself.

Being a Dad taught me to economise but really you spend your time with the kids on expensive times holidays and weekends.

There also is the doubling up on expenses like housing etc. My kids rooms got occupied 1 night a month etc. The utilities needed paying irrespective of the time the place was occupied. I also needed a better car.

I found myself doing all the clothes buying etc with the kids to get a semblence of normality going and parenting.

I can understand why dishing out money causes resentment when its for luxuries in someone elses house.

I often do think womens maintenance expectations are too high. I know one guy who has shut down his business over a recent award as the maintenance of 250 pw for a toddler was putting him an extra 1000 per month in debt.

CE schemes are like glorified dole.

metrovelvet

CDfm wrote: »

There also is the doubling up on expenses like housing etc. My kids rooms got occupied 1 night a month etc. The utilities needed paying irrespective of the time the place was occupied. I also needed a better car.

Imagine the cost when its 29 days a month.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

Imagine the cost when its 29 days a month.

I dont think you get my point. When you have shared parenting the costs are not pro-rata. Feeding kids is relatively cheap compared to the costs of running a home.

Because of the double costs etc you dont get to economise on lots of areas and it is easy to work out economies for the other parent.You are out of their lives but bear the cost of having unused facilities for them.

Just reading the tread with comments like he showed it down the pub (which I for one find hard to accept) and he went on holidays and comments like do on-line snooping and badmouth the guy in court.

OP if you are serious about co-parenting and working out arrangements you should be initiating Family Mediation rather than court.

http://www.fsa.ie/ or look to do a co parenting course with http://www.onefamily.ie/ . That involves treating the other partner with esteem and working out who does what.Also you should be looking at the benefits and supplementary payments you are eligible for.

I know it is tough and the nature of relationship breakdown is often "tit for tat" squables which exactly is what seems to be going on here.

That the ex is on a CE scheme means there is little if any money available.So even if you do get a victory it is likely to be a pyrric victory and worth nothing.I am actually very surprised at the content of your post as you seem to be enjoying the court appearences.

As much as I sympathise -there is a recession on and things are set to get worse and you shouldnt think your situation is unique as lots of people are hurting.

metrovelvet

What are you on about? You have the rooms lit and heated when no one is there?

No, food and clothing is not relatively cheap. Where do you come up with it?

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

What are you on about? You have the rooms lit and heated when no one is there?

No, food and clothing is not relatively cheap. Where do you come up with it?

I am a Dad & have experience of this as a parent and I am saying it is relative to the cost of accomadation etc and transport etc.

Milk cereal sausages beans and chips will feed a child -without starvation.You can also do the clothes things in Penneys too.

IMHO - getting together and doing a parenting plan like whose job is it to bring the kids to football etc is much underated -so you need to put a value on these activities too as much as you do on claiming maintenence.

If you are living on benefit you need to work out entitlements as when you get a maintenence payment it can get deducted from your payments. So even if you can get an undertaking from him to pay for activities or clubs etc financially you might end up better off.

I am sure the Judge will see loads of cases that day and has heard it all before and after it will go home. You on the other hand will have contact with the kids father for years to come.

metrovelvet

You would want your kids to eat beans and chips for 29 days out of the month.

I really dont know what to say to that.

ANd PEnneys, beans and sausages for 29 days still add up.

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

You would want your kids to eat beans and chips for 29 days out of the month.

I really dont know what to say to that.

ANd PEnneys, beans and sausages for 29 days still add up.

Metro - you are missing my point - it is much better for OP her children and for her ex to try for mediation and a co-parenting arrangement arrangements as I feel it could pay dividends for her.

The Court is supposed to be the last option not the automatic choice when you exhaust the other options.

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Just reading the tread with comments like he showed it down the pub (which I for one find hard to accept) and he went on holidays and comments like do on-line snooping and badmouth the guy in court.

OP if you are serious about co-parenting and working out arrangements you should be initiating Family Mediation rather than court.

http://www.fsa.ie/ or look to do a co parenting course with http://www.onefamily.ie/ . That involves treating the other partner with esteem and working out who does what.Also you should be looking at the benefits and supplementary payments you are eligible for.

I know it is tough and the nature of relationship breakdown is often "tit for tat" squables which exactly is what seems to be going on here.

That the ex is on a CE scheme means there is little if any money available.So even if you do get a victory it is likely to be a pyrric victory and worth nothing.I am actually very surprised at the content of your post as you seem to be enjoying the court appearences.

As much as I sympathise -there is a recession on and things are set to get worse and you shouldnt think your situation is unique as lots of people are hurting.

CDfm,
I take offence to these comments - I certainly DO NOT enjoy any court appearance - Where do you get this idea?? I have spent Years supporting my kids alone - I have never asked for help or support - it's now only that I am now unemployed for the past year and have tried all other avenues of getting some assistance from their father; which he refused. Times are hard enough - I certainly do not need the added stress of going into court and having all my incoming & expenses scrutinized.

Court appears to be my only option at this stage - And at that; I posted to get other's people's opinions/experience on these matters. It is out of pure necessity for the welfare of my children that I am forced to take this action and certainly not as you say "tit for tat" squables?? IF that's how you; as a man see's the situation of a mother/parent trying all they can to survive / support and ensure her children are fed etc - then god help us all. I gave examples of his behaviour up to now-I cannot understand how you could make such an statement? This can only be your own personal issues/griefences with your own situation you are venting.

Also you implied that I lied by saying that my ex showed my statement of means to his pals in the pub - this is an insult. I have no reason to come on to discussion board like this genuinely looking for advice and lie! what could I possibly gain from this?? the facts are bad enough as they are. You don't know my ex or what he is capable of.. unfortunately my children and I do.

Also if you read the post correctly - I did not mention persuing shared parenting - my ex has decided he does not want to help raise my children or even stick to the agreed access - but thank you for posting this link - hopefully it will be of use to those parents that may need it.

Thanks to all other's who's advice was very helpful.

LegacyUser

I was awarded 80 euro in court last month for 2 children and my ex husband is on the dole,so if he is willing to pay 50 per week if i were you i wouldn't accept outside court i would go in and let the judge hear the whole case and let him decide how much you are entitled too!

CDfm

Thats all very well fiona 1978-if the guy cant afford to live and keep a roof over his head and pay maintenence -will you accept that he may end up either homeless or he can be commited to jail for non payment.

Given that - you should seek a mediated settlement

http://www.fsa.ie/

You should only ever consider court when all else has failed.

LegacyUser

Why should this ladies innocent children have to suffer,when it is very clear that this man would rather spend his cash on fancy holidays and drinking than on his kids.My ex is the same, there is a court order made (which he looked for)that states he take the kids every 2 weeks,and so far this year he has seen them 3 times since last christmas because he would rather spend his money on going out at weekends than being with his children.

metrovelvet

^ Bench warrants were put on hold for a while. Are they back in place?

CDfm

fiona1978 wrote: »

Why should this ladies innocent children have to suffer,when it is very clear that this man would rather spend his cash on fancy holidays and drinking than on his kids.My ex is the same, there is a court order made (which he looked for)that states he take the kids every 2 weeks,and so far this year he has seen them 3 times since last christmas because he would rather spend his money on going out at weekends than being with his children.

Well I dont do that.

What I am saying is thast you will have an in built bias towards your ex. I have.

I am suggesting if when looking at it and he is on the dole and probably getting a single persons allowances.

As much as you want the person to get what you think they deserve you shouldnt lower your standards and use the childrens needs as an excuse.Thats my opinion.If your objective is to leave the guy destitute then go ahead. IMO its not good karma.

metrovelvet

I guess you'd prefer she and the child are left destitute.

LegacyUser

What planet are you living on?So are you saying all us single parents should just sit back and not look for any maintenance towards the upkeep off our children.Its not as if i get a kick out off going to court with my ex,I dont have an in built bias towards my ex like u think i do.We decided together to bring these children into this world together and why should i let the children go without just because he decides he wants to live the single life again!

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

I guess you'd prefer she and the child are left destitute.

I think you know what I mean.

If a father is on the dole he recieves a single mans allowances and benefits as a single man - if a mother is on benefit she recieves a lone parents allowances and payment for the children, rent allowance, medical cards.childrens allowance etc etc.

If the income is not there -it is not there- and pursuing it for the wrong reasons and if it means a guy cant make ends meet is just malicious.

eviltwin

If he can afford to go on holiday he's not doing too badly. My husband and I couldnt afford to at the moment thats for sure!!

Bottom line is when you are a parent your children's needs have to come first. I'd love to be able to spend my money on myself but my kids are more important and making sure they are okay is my number one priority. People like this bloke dont deserve the title of father if you ask me

metrovelvet

It already been made clear that is is making more money on the black market so not only is he not paying maintenance he is also practising welfare fraud and tax evasion by not declaring it.

And you're defending this guy.

CDfm

eviltwin wrote: »

If he can afford to go on holiday he's not doing too badly. My husband and I couldnt afford to at the moment thats for sure!!

Bottom line is when you are a parent your children's needs have to come first. I'd love to be able to spend my money on myself but my kids are more important and making sure they are okay is my number one priority. People like this bloke dont deserve the title of father if you ask me

I don't think he is a nice guy either.

From what has been posted he borrowed the money to go.

What I am saying is that the dole would provide a minumum level lifestyle for a single guy. It seems harsh that someone seeks maintenence from a dole payment. If the guy was working it would be different.

wolfpawnat

What I cannot get is the parents with the attitude of "Well I can only pay €50 (as an example) a week because I need to live too" Thats great, but the parent who is actually rearing the child regardless of their own needs has to sacrifice for the child, I spend at least €50 a week on my son on food, nappies and other basic needs, but I had to bring him to a consultant last week, if his father was one of those parents who didn't cough up for his 10 minutes of fun, that would all have come out of my pocket!

eviltwin

CDfm wrote: »

I don't think he is a nice guy either.

From what has been posted he borrowed the money to go.

What I am saying is that the dole would provide a minumum level lifestyle for a single guy. It seems harsh that someone seeks maintenence from a dole payment. If the guy was working it would be different.

Hang on a sec. He borrowed the money to go - so thats okay then ?????

FFS if he is borrowing money for anything it should be to provide for his kids dont you think????

CDfm

metrovelvet wrote: »

It already been made clear that is is making more money on the black market so not only is he not paying maintenance he is also practising welfare fraud and tax evasion by not declaring it.

And you're defending this guy.

Thats conjecture.Maybe he is but its probably not proveable.

I know that when I was going thru my family law crap I often hoped the ex was run over a bus.

I am suggesting that the OP not put herself thru a headwreck like an episode of Hells Kitchen.

I am pointing out that maintenence default can leave some being commited to prison. It didnt happen to me but I have seen a guy arrested for 20 quid.

So you would need to be 100% sure.

eviltwin

Would serve the prick right to get his ass in jail if you ask me

I dont care if you are with your kids or seperated, if your spending money on your own selfish needs and your children are going without you're not fit to be a parent

CDfm

wolfpawnat wrote: »

What I cannot get is the parents with the attitude of "Well I can only pay €50 (as an example) a week because I need to live too" Thats great, but the parent who is actually rearing the child regardless of their own needs has to sacrifice for the child, I spend at least €50 a week on my son on food, nappies and other basic needs, but I had to bring him to a consultant last week, if his father was one of those parents who didn't cough up for his 10 minutes of fun, that would all have come out of my pocket!

eviltwin wrote: »

Hang on a sec. He borrowed the money to go - so thats okay then ?????

FFS if he is borrowing money for anything it should be to provide for his kids dont you think????

OK - life is hard and there is a recession on.

And of course 2 into 1 wont go.

I am not saying he is a nice guy but even not so nice people need a minimum standard of living.

Nevyn

Please keep things civil as per the charter.