Slutty or not?

LegacyUser

I was just wondering if this is normal. I'm a 22 year old girl and single, so I have a fairly
active sex life. I am careful and use protection when I have sex, although normally
it's just fingering/mutual masterbation. Most times I go out, which is once or twice a month,
I end up bringing someone home and fooling around with them and I've been with a good few
of my male friends at parties as well, drunken fumbles usually. Scoring, go upstairs,
get my boobs out, he sucks my nipples and we end up touching for a while is how it usually
goes.

A couple of my friends have said to me that this is slutty and people think less of me for it. Was I just being naive in thinking this was grand?

wexford202

isthisnormal wrote: »

I was just wondering if this is normal. I'm a 22 year old girl and single, so I have a fairly
active sex life. I am careful and use protection when I have sex, although normally
it's just fingering/mutual masterbation. Most times I go out, which is once or twice a month,
I end up bringing someone home and fooling around with them and I've been with a good few
of my male friends at parties as well, drunken fumbles usually. Scoring, go upstairs,
get my boobs out, he sucks my nipples and we end up touching for a while is how it usually
goes.

A couple of my friends have said to me that this is slutty and people think less of me for it. Was I just being naive in thinking this was grand?

Its worse than sluttly!

Are you for real!

Nevyn

wexford202 I suggest you read the rules for posting in this forum ASAP
you will find them here.

All post are to be on topic and helpful or else you may be banned form this forum.

ibarelycare

I think sluttiness is fairly subjective TBH!

I think if you're having fun and being careful, then no harm done. However you probably are getting a name for yourself. If people know you're always bringing guys home/going upstairs at parties with them, they don't know exactly what goes on, they would just presume that you're sleeping with them all.

If it doesn't bother you what people think, then keep doing what you're doing. However, it's highly likely that guys see you as "easy" and may have little respect for you. I think at your age you should know that.

cruizer101

Hmmm, in a way ur friends are right, many people would consider this slutty and think less of you for it. I'm sure a lot og guys wouldn't consider you girlfriend material if they knew it.

However, if you are having fun, enjoying it and staying safe I don't really see the problem. If a guy did the same he would probably be considered a bit of a stud.

What it comes down to is you weighing up the importance of what your friends think of u and how much u enjoy it.

Firetrap

I would never personally call anyone a slut but I could see how your behaviour could cause some people to describe you as slutty. Like it or not, you could easily acquire a reputation for yourself as being willing to go off with anything that's got a trousersnake and a pulse. You say you don't go all the way with all of these guys but how are others to know that? That you're going home/upstairs with them is enough.

There is of course the usual gender inequality in this - nobody ever describes the lads who have lots of one-nighters as sluts even though it takes two to tango. Unfortunately the double standard still applies and you need to be aware of it. You've two choices really - either continue your current behaviour and know that you run the risk of gaining a reputation as being easy or modify your behaviour. All depends how much you care what other people think really.

Wagon

It's kind of slutty i suppose, but others will say different. If you are constantly shagging people and fooling around it would put off any potential boyfriends in future. I have a mate like you and as much as i like her and attractive as she is, i would never go out with her because i wouldn't trust her. Know it sounds unfair but that's how it is. I don't apply the double standerd thing in this too. I know lads who would shag anything and have cheated on their ladies a few times. Their actions just reinforce it.

Then again, that's just what i think. Just be subtle about it and don't tell any future boyfriends you may have. Believe me, it's easier that way.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Male here. Hmmm so I kind have mixed opinions on this. Firstly I don't think you are doing anything morally wrong.
As to whether this is slutty or not. I'm generally quite conservative in that I don't so much as kiss someone unless I'm into them in some way. But I wasn't always this way. And contrary to popular belief I do think that men can be slutty too, and I would even consider myself to be quite the man-slut at various times in my past (I shudder to think of some stuff I did and even here in anonymousness would not repeat some of it). That said I do think you can meet someone you click amazingly with, take them home, have an amazing night of sex for whatever reason not see them again and I WOULDN'T consider that slutty.

What I do think is slutty thou - comes down to WHY you are getting it on with someone. If you are doing it because you are genuinely into someone then I don't call that slutty. If you are doing it for other reasons i.e. because your friends are doing it, because you think its cool, because you want the attention, because you don't want to be alone, for thrills, for boosting your own ego, for money, power, mind-games, promotions etc - THAT to me is slutty. But thats a question you have to answer for yourself really.

So I don't know any of us can answer your question really, you kind of have to define your own standards. But I would say be careful. Careful about leading guys on, careful about std's (whilst it sounds like you are careful don't forget you can catch things without going the whole way - warts, oral herpes, chlamydial conjunctivits etc etc), be careful about crazy people most of all (you bring home a randomer when you've been drinking you really are playing the odds i feel).

scanlas

If you enjoy what you are doing keep doing it so long as you are keeping safe. I wrote a post in humanities which explains why people are so bothered by women having sex for fun. Do a search. We live in a society where there are two main types of women. Those who have sex for fun and expect nothing in return. The second type are those who have sex for something in return. Of the second type there are two sub categories. High status and low status.

The first type are known as sluts. People seem to think that a woman who makes her own decisions to enjoy herself lack self respect. That logic has me baffled.

The second type are wives and prostitutes. Wives being high status and prostitutes being low status. Wives expect commitment and support in exchange for "exclusive access to their sexuality", prostitutes expect money in return.

So I wouldn't really take those people seriously who say you are slutty. Do what you want for your own fun and be discrete about it.

OP, you're acting like your 17.. if a 22 year old in my group acted like that, we'd all think she was slutty.

wexford202

You are hitting the age that you have to pay the price for your actions. Up to down you can put it down to innocence, fuin learning but from now your age onwards it does come accross as slutty.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

OP, you're acting like your 17.. if a 22 year old in my group acted like that, we'd all think she was slutty.

True. You say you've been with lots of your guy friends, so in all probability whenever everyones off to a party it's "Sure if you don't score I'm sure such and such will give you a ****/head" etc and then more than likely the next day after someones been with you the lads all slag them because they're the latest of many.


Lads will think you're a joke and the girls I'm sure will be far bitchier. Plus, imagine you get with someone you like in a bit and he finds out you've been with all your lad mates etc. Not gonna be too happy I reckon, well I certainly wouldn't be.

scanlas

Rojomcdojo wrote: »

True. You say you've been with lots of your guy friends, so in all probability whenever everyones off to a party it's "Sure if you don't score I'm sure such and such will give you a ****/head" etc and then more than likely the next day after someones been with you the lads all slag them because they're the latest of many.


Lads will think you're a joke and the girls I'm sure will be far bitchier. Plus, imagine you get with someone you like in a bit and he finds out you've been with all your lad mates etc. Not gonna be too happy I reckon, well I certainly wouldn't be.

When did she ever say she would have sex with anyone who wants it from her. A woman enjoying herself for her own pleasure is not a joke. It's a sign of sign of high self esteem. A woman having sex for validation is a different story, that's a sign of low self esteem, that could possibly be seen as a joke.

Anyone who has a problem with their girlfriends number of previous sexual partners does so because of their own insecurity.

Wagon

scanlas wrote: »

Anyone who has a problem with their girlfriends number of previous sexual partners does so because of their own insecurity.

Yeah true, but it can be justified depending on the situation.

shellyboo

Um, if scoring someone different once or twice a month is now slutty... I think we're all in trouble.

OP, your friends are probably mostly concerned that it's your male friends you're doing it with. Any girl who's been with lots of guys within the one circle is going to get a reputation... if you were going out to clubs and scoring some randomer twice a month nobody would bat an eyelid, I'd imagine.

Perhaps a bit more discretion would be a good idea, since your friends are apparently a tad prudish.

iguana

OP, when I was single I used to have sex with whoever I felt like being with, as long as they weren't married or in a serious relationship. I never hurt anyone, I never cheated on anyone I dated and I had fun. If people chose to think negatively of me due to this that was their problem, I couldn't have cared less. If some guy chose not to date me entirely because of my past then I had quite a lucky escape as he was either completely incompatible with me or else he was a big hypocrite. Neither was someone I needed to waste my time with.

NickNolte

scanlas wrote: »

Anyone who has a problem with their girlfriends number of previous sexual partners does so because of their own insecurity.

Would you marry a women who had slept with half the men in the town? Would you be happy to walk into a pub with your other half on a Friday evening, knowing that there were at least two dozen other men in there that had shagged her?

OP - you can listen to all the wishy-washy liberal nonsense you want. The fact of the matter is that the overwhelming majority of men who would be considering a serious relationship would be instantly turned off to know that every time you're out socialising, you'll probably be in the company of another man who'd been there before. It doesn't matter if this is right or wrong - but it is the way things are. You're still young but, at 22, I'd start to consider being a lot more discrete about things.

minidazzler

OP, you are basically a female version of me.

I am 20 male and get up to all sorts of stuff with whoever I feel like. Sure I get a slagging, but it's a perfectly normal thing I think.

Your friends are just being idiots and quite prudish.

NickNolte

iguana wrote: »

OP, when I was single I used to have sex with whoever I felt like being with, as long as they weren't married or in a serious relationship. I never hurt anyone, I never cheated on anyone I dated and I had fun. If people chose to think negatively of me due to this that was their problem, I couldn't have cared less. If some guy chose not to date me entirely because of my past then I had quite a lucky escape as he was either completely incompatible with me or else he was a big hypocrite. Neither was someone I needed to waste my time with.

That's certainly your prerogative. I'm assuming though that you were discreet about things? If you're blatantly sleeping around and making it very obvious to all and sundry then you'll get a reputation for it. No potential partner would find that attractive. I certainly wouldn't. I've been with plenty of women in my time but the difference between me and the OP is... most people don't know about it. If I was disappearing off home with a girl, I'd sneak of quietly. Generally (but not always of course) people didn't know except the involved parties. If you don't have any diligence or discretion then people will talk.

VaioCruiser

isthisnormal wrote: »

I was just wondering if this is normal. I'm a 22 year old girl and single, so I have a fairly
active sex life. I am careful and use protection when I have sex, although normally
it's just fingering/mutual masturbation. Most times I go out, which is once or twice a month,
I end up bringing someone home and fooling around with them and I've been with a good few
of my male friends at parties as well, drunken fumbles usually. Scoring, go upstairs,
get my boobs out, he sucks my nipples and we end up touching for a while is how it usually
goes.

A couple of my friends have said to me that this is slutty and people think less of me for it. Was I just being naive in thinking this was grand?

Hi OP. Firstly I would say t you that when you write to a forum asking if you are slutty, you will ALWAYS get some a yes from a certain crowd. So
be careful how you interpret your replies.

I am trying hard to figure out what on earth you are doing that you think might be so bad ... :rolleyes: You are not having intercourse with most of these guys. You fool around with guys you fancy. You use protection. I see nothing whatsoever to justify anyone using such a disgusting insulting and obnoxious word to describe you, and any 'friend' of yours that uses this word about you deserves to be dropped by you forever to say the least. You are a healthy liberated NORMAL girl of 22 - which of course means you will upset a lot of old farts who think you should act like a nice little girl and wait until you are deeply in love.

My only negative comment might be that you are being a little too active within a small group of people and this is inevitably going to cause some friction among girls who might resent the attention you get and guys who might get confused.

Either way it is not a cardinal sin and they need to get over it.

All the best

NickNolte

I'd have to disagree with the above. There's nothing wrong with what you are doing but sex is an intimate and personal thing. Flaunting and making it blindingly obvious to everyone that you're up for indiscriminate sex is going to be considered slutty behaviour. Not so much that you're having sex but that you can't be discreet about it. Almost all men who would be potential serious partners will be turned off by this. That's the fact of the matter.

iguana

NickNolte wrote: »

That's certainly your prerogative. I'm assuming though that you were discreet about things? If you're blatantly sleeping around and making it very obvious to all and sundry then you'll get a reputation for it. No potential partner would find that attractive. I certainly wouldn't. I've been with plenty of women in my time but the difference between me and the OP is... most people don't know about it. If I was disappearing off home with a girl, I'd sneak of quietly. Generally (but not always of course) people didn't know except the involved parties. If you don't have any diligence or discretion then people will talk.

Yes it was my perogative, I had great fun then and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've been living with my husband since I was 23, he doesn't give a crap about who I slept with in the past. Sure he might feel a bit awkward if he is around someone who he knows I've been with, but no more so than I am if I'm with someone who he has been with. We're mature adults, he has a past, I have a past, but it has no bearing on our present or our future.

Wagon

The number of partners isn't really all that bad (unless it's like 50 or 100 or something mental like that) It's who it's with. If you are sleeping with people who are married, in relationships or if you are cheating on a partner, well then your a slut. I know it takes two to tango so i think both parties are equally to blame.

If you arent doing that stuff then that's okay. Just be discreet about it. I love computers and games but i know some mates of mine dont so i dont talk about it with them. The same can be said for your sex life.

NickNolte

iguana wrote: »

Yes it was my perogative, I had great fun then and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I've been living with my husband, he doesn't give a crap about who I slept with in the past. Sure he might feel a bit awkward if he is around someone who he knows I've been with, but no more so than I am if I'm with someone who he has been with. We're mature adults, he has a past, I have a past, but it has no bearing on our present or our future.

Nor should it. But if you had been with every Tom, Dick and Harry and everyone knew about it and he was constantly running into people who you had casual sex with again and again and again... and everyone knew that you were at it because you had no sense of discretion. Well... we're really just talking numbers and perception here. It doesn't matter how 'active' your past is as long as you carried it out with a little dignity. Sleeping around and doing it in a way that's blindingly obvious isn't "adult" at all as you put it.

SLUSK

isthisnormal wrote: »

I was just wondering if this is normal. I'm a 22 year old girl and single, so I have a fairly
active sex life. I am careful and use protection when I have sex, although normally
it's just fingering/mutual masterbation. Most times I go out, which is once or twice a month,
I end up bringing someone home and fooling around with them and I've been with a good few
of my male friends at parties as well, drunken fumbles usually. Scoring, go upstairs,
get my boobs out, he sucks my nipples and we end up touching for a while is how it usually
goes.

A couple of my friends have said to me that this is slutty and people think less of me for it. Was I just being naive in thinking this was grand?

Ain't nothing wrong with a single girl who fools around a bit. That's pretty normal.

mikemac

Once you're not wrecking marriages and breaking up relationships and also keeping what you're up to somewhat discrete, then hey I won't judge you

Dudess

Once you want to do it, and enjoy it, then why not? People have differing sex drives, differing sexual preferences, differing views on sex (it's a big deal for some, it's a pleasurable biological act for others) - I don't think people have a right to impose their preferences on others/assume their habits are the norm and the correct way.
What's not great is no-holds-barred bed-hopping for the wrong reasons (e.g. to make guys like you, because you think of yourself as nothing more than a - pardon the expression - spunkbucket) but promiscuity does not necessarily mean lack of self respect.

Just be discreet and dignified about it - and of course stay safe.

Btw, LOL at 22 being seen as such an advanced, wordly age
Seriously though, cut the girl some slack with the age comments - at 22, she has plenty to go through yet on this score.

iguana

Dudess wrote: »

differing views on sex (it's a big deal for some, it's a pleasurable biological act for others)

And for some people it can be both depending on who your partner is. It's perfectly possible to enjoy no strings attached sex at one stage of your life and also experience deep and meaningful love-making at a different point.

castle

Quite normal, I think maybe not do it with your male friends as some of them appear to be talking behind your back by the sounds of it.
Also you don't have to make it public knowledge what you do that is your business.
People can be so spiteful don't you know,jealously comes to mind,
Just keep certain things private of course still do them but you got to pick the right guys to do it with.

VaioCruiser

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Hi OP. Firstly I would say t you that when you write to a forum asking if you are slutty, you will ALWAYS get some a yes from a certain crowd.

The crowd that thinks giving handjobs to all your mates is a bit slutty?


Pretty sure that's the majority tbh.

Dudess

castle wrote: »

got to pick the right guys to do it with.

That's true. Be selective about whom you do it with - never with someone you think is going to disrespect you after/for it.

Ste.phen

I got the impression the OP was a troll / otherwise not truthful, am I the only one that thought that?
As to the OPs actual question, it depends on whether you yourself are OK with being sexually promiscuous, and if that's likely to attract the wrong sort of people for you...
Otherwise, go nuts!

pookie82

Hypothetically, you should be able to do whatever you want with whomever you want as long as you're being careful and not hurting anyone. People who have a problem with that are prejudiced and narrow minded.

In reality, yes there are a great many people who will judge you for it. I'm going to be honest here and admit that although I am aware you're not doing anything wrong, if there was a certain girl I knew who always disappeared upstairs at a party with a guy and came back a little dishevelled, had been with most of her male mates and was constantly having sex at every party/nightclub she went to with different guys, I would probably think she had some sort of insecurities and I have no doubt that guys would talk about her in a negative way. I knew groups of guys in college who had all been with a particular female friend and even if she was a really nice girl they'd have a bit of a laugh about it now and again and she would definitely have a reputation in the group.

Not pretty but that's just the way it goes. So if you're happy to continue doing what you're doing and feck the begrudgers, more power to you. But if you care about what people will think and say, you are definitely on track to getting a bad reputation from the sounds of things.

There are threads on here all the time about having issues with the number of previous partners people's OHs have had. They're always told to forget about it, be mature and accept that everyone has a past and they shouldn't be judged on it. Sound advice for sure, but it people will often have issues with the amount of partners their girlfriend/boyfriend may have had. You'll need to keep in mind that although it seems unfair, many guys will be put off if you are doing this in a public manner.

NickNolte

pookie82 wrote: »

many guys will be put off if you are doing this in a public manner.

I would say almost all guys would. Which is why isn't important to be discrete about it. Unless you don't care of course.

Nevyn

Ste.phen if you think a post is a troll then report it rather then posting off topic as
off topic an dunhelpful posts will get you banned from this forum
please read the rules which are in the charter before posting
have a nice day
Thaedydal

iguana

pookie82 wrote: »

if there was a certain girl I knew who always disappeared upstairs at a party with a guy and came back a little dishevelled, had been with most of her male mates and was constantly having sex at every party/nightclub she went to with different guys, I would probably think she had some sort of insecurities

Why would you think that someone who does what they like and couldn't care less what other people think is insecure? I would wonder about the security of someone who sees such obvious self-confidence as insecurity. Is it because that woman is so secure in herself that it's security on a level beyond what you can comprehend?

My attitude in life has always been that people can take me as I am, some people will like me, others won't. If someone doesn't like me that's fine, no-one is universally liked. I'm not going to change who I am in order to fit in with anyone elses expectations. If I did I wouldn't be me and then no-one would like me as I wouldn't be me. How anyone could mistake that for insecure I don't know.

NickNolte

iguana wrote: »

Why would you think that someone who does what they like and couldn't care less what other people think is insecure? I would wonder about the security of someone who sees such obvious self-confidence as insecurity. Is it because that woman is so secure in herself that it's security on a level beyond what you can comprehend?

To be honest, I'd consider someone who couldn't behave with a certain level of discretion when it comes to matters of their sex lives to be crass, lacking self-respect and, perhaps, insecure. If a woman has a lot of partners, there's nothing wrong with that. Although if a woman flaunts it like a badge of honour then, whether you like it or not, it will tarnish her reputation - amongst the majority of both men and women.

There's no point in being militantly liberal about the issue, iguana. Let's just be realistic and accept things the way they are!

Dudess

I'm always saying this (so I apologise) but again: being promiscuous does not necessarily mean having no self respect... but having no self respect can mean being promiscuous. Once the OP doesn't fit into category B then more power to her. The fact she started a thread here though, makes me wonder how sure she is about things herself.
You can be promiscuous without losing class too.

iguana

NickNolte wrote: »

To be honest, I'd consider someone who couldn't behave with a certain level of discretion when it comes to matters of their sex lives to be crass, lacking self-respect and, perhaps, insecure. If a woman has a lot of partners, there's nothing wrong with that. Although if a woman flaunts it like a badge of honour then, whether you like it or not, it will tarnish her reputation - amongst the majority of both men and women.

Do you know what insecure means? Somebody who is happy with themselves and doesn't care about what others think of them can not be insecure.

NickNolte wrote: »

There's no point in being militantly liberal about the issue, iguana. Let's just be realistic and accept things the way they are!

How you think and the way things are, are not the same thing. If I accepted your way of thinking I'd be an extremely unhappy person. Instead I lived my life how I saw fit and things worked out just fine for me (thus far). I'm married to a man who loves me and who I love, who's not a hypocrite, who has compatible values.

It doesn't matter if 99.9% of men would consider that I was too predatorial sexually, too slutty or too experienced to be their partner. Not one of those men would be remotely compatible with me to be my partner. People often write on these threads "It may be hypocritical, but that's how I feel," or "It's not right and it's not fair, but,' Well guess what? I was never going to be interested in a hypocrite or someone who makes judgments they know are unfair. Why would anyone be interested in a person like that?

consultech

My personal opinion would be that the actions described (and regularity of such) would be considered fairly slutty, yeah.

pookie82

iguana wrote: »

Why would you think that someone who does what they like and couldn't care less what other people think is insecure?

Where is the evidence that she couldn't care less what other people think? In fact I think that her posting here in the first place means that some people have recently shared their thoughts with her, these have shocked/upset her and she has come on here to get some more popular opinion, caring very much what other people think.

People frequently engage in frequent and "meanginless" sexual encounters to gain some sort of attention: physical, emotional, sexual or otherwise. If the OP is doing it in private and is doing it for the right reasons, then fair enough. If she's dragging guys upstairs at parties in full view of everyone for a quick fumble in a spare room, that seems to me like a need for attention.

pookie82

iguana wrote: »

Do you know what insecure means? Somebody who is happy with themselves and doesn't care about what others think of them can not be insecure.



How you think and the way things are, are not the same thing. If I accepted your way of thinking I'd be an extremely unhappy person. Instead I lived my life how I saw fit and things worked out just fine for me (thus far). I'm married to a man who loves me and who I love, who's not a hypocrite, who has compatible values.

It doesn't matter if 99.9% of men would consider that I was too predatorial sexually, too slutty or too experienced to be their partner. Not one of those men would be remotely compatible with me to be my partner. People often write on these threads "It may be hypocritical, but that's how I feel," or "It's not right and it's not fair, but,' Well guess what? I was never going to be interested in a hypocrite or someone who makes judgments they know are unfair. Why would anyone be interested in a person like that?

Iguana, I'm very happy for you if you feel that way. But the OP came on asking a question and people are answering it truthfully. Whether or not you like what you hear is an entirely different issue.

flibbertyjibbet

NickNolte wrote: »

To be honest, I'd consider someone who couldn't behave with a certain level of discretion when it comes to matters of their sex lives to be crass, lacking self-respect and, perhaps, insecure. If a woman has a lot of partners, there's nothing wrong with that. Although if a woman flaunts it like a badge of honour then, whether you like it or not, it will tarnish her reputation - amongst the majority of both men and women.

There's no point in being militantly liberal about the issue, iguana. Let's just be realistic and accept things the way they are!

There's nothing in the OP to suggest she "flaunts it like a badge of honour." She hasn't mentioned numbers. She said a couple of friends said it to her, perhaps she only discussed it with this small amount of friends. She said she's been with "a good few of her male friends" - maybe she only has 6 male friends and slept with 4 of them. And there's nothing to suggest that they weren't discreet. There's also no evidence that she's "slept with half the town" or being "indescriminate" when it comes to partners. You seem to be taking it as fact that she has slept with a huge number of people from the same community, that everybody knows about it and talks about it, and that the girl herself sleeps with anyone and everyone and lets everyone know about it...I don't see any evidence of this.. You seem to be commenting on a skewed version of events..

To the OP.. who defines what being ok is? Who can judge that only you?

iguana

The OP has stated that up until her friends talked to her she thought her behaviour was "grand" (I assume grand as in fine as opposed to as in grandiose). If she had heretofore assumed that her behaviour was fine and just something she enjoyed it wouldn't be unusual to be surprised at her friends' comments and get other people's opinions on the subject.

iguana

pookie82 wrote: »

Iguana, I'm very happy for you if you feel that way. But the OP came on asking a question and people are answering it truthfully. Whether or not you like what you hear is an entirely different issue.

My point is that some people will find it slutty, others won't. But she shouldn't let that worry her as long as she is happy with what she is doing. Anyone who would judge her negatively for doing what she likes is not someone who she is likely to have a long-term future with anyway. What they think isn't relevant to her life. If she is genuinely happy with what she is doing, not hurting anyone and staying safe that is all that matters.

I'm not sure how you've surmised that I'm reading anything I don't like. I'm not particularly bothered by people who have a different opinion on this matter, their opinions have no bearing on me, and they are unlikely to have any bearing on the life of the OP either.

scanlas

The fact of the matter is some people will look down upon you for enjoying sex with numerous people. To them, not expecting something in return for sex means you are insecure and lack self respect. They can't process the fact that you simply want to enjoy the pleasures of your body. Imagine someone saying you lacked self respect because you enjoy playing lots of different sports.

You also predictably get people on this thread who jump to the conclusion that you will have sex with anyone who wants it although you never said anything of the sort.

Teacherman

Depends what you want. Guys would prob perceive you as a bit slutty but unless you are having sex all over the place the answer is no. If you are having sex randomly then you might pick up and pass on a disease even with protection.

Guys who want a serious relationship would prob avoid you. I would, to be honest but I would regard you as a bit of fun-but you never know where she might have been...

VaioCruiser

Hi OP.

As an older guy, I simply don't go along with this sexist judgmental stuff above.

If men can shag everything that moves and be proud of it, which they do and are - then the same standards should apply to women. And it needs to be said that you are NOT having sex with lots of men. You are just engaging in middling to regular foreplay and stuff.

The question about whether or not guys would view it as bad or good is irrelevant and inconsequential - how on earth would they know ?

Take the constructive advice above and when you do start serious relationships do NOT disclose anything about your past. Tell them you have had one or two relationships. That will keep these sensitive ego guys happy in their little fantasy world.

All the best.

SarahChambers

I don't see whats wrong with wanting pleasure, or wanting to give a guy pleasure. I am not a slut but I do play around with different guys because I enjoy it. I don't see why I shouldn't if I enjoy it and it isnt hurting anyone.

scanlas

SarahChambers wrote: »

I don't see whats wrong with wanting pleasure, or wanting to give a guy pleasure. I am not a slut but I do play around with different guys because I enjoy it. I don't see why I shouldn't if I enjoy it and it isnt hurting anyone.

Some women will dislike you because you are a threat to the market price for sex, that being, love, support and/or commitment.

There's a power or leverage that comes with being an attractive female, the more attractive females that have sex without requiring anything in return the less power the average attractive female has. So women who like to use their power of being an attractive female will not be happy when women sleep around.

Soul Stretcher

Emm... agree with Scanlas 100%. I presume it was the OP's female friends laying the guilt trip on her.... I'm sure her male friends have said nothing to her directly...tho they may discuss her among themselves...

I would advise the OP to stop fumbling around with guys in her circle of friends.... this will stop her female friends from feeling out in the cold/undervalued and, over time, her male friends will stop judging her as a slxt (if indeed they do at all).... in a year or 2, they'll just put it down as a short-term phase the OP went through....

The OP needs to separate her sex life (the spontaneous random one she is currently enjoying) from her circle of friends. Simple as that. Problem solved. And by separating it, I mean don't even discuss it with that circle of friends - it's none of their business - as long as they're not part of it.


You see the reason this is an issue at all is :

• The whole circle of friends has had to absorb the fact that a female member is getting jiggy with a number of male members of the circle.
• This has a ripple effect on the internal politics (particularly among the girls) and group dynamics.... the OP is upsetting the apple cart unconciously.
• There are many different egos, self esteems, levels of confidence, levels of jealousy etc, levels of sexual frustration etc... in that circle of friends... and the OPs behaviour is heightening these feelings amongst the insecure members of the group. These insecure members are not happy and are trying to relegate the OP back to be an asexual member of the group.

I think the OP would have more fun (without the negative remarks from friends) is she just separated her sex life and her circle of friends.