Pregnant to trap me

LegacyUser

Hey,

Im know ill come across as been mean or childish here but thats not my intention.

Im 35 years old and have been sleeping regularly with a girl (30) for a few years now. I kept telling her i didnt want a relationship which i knew she wasnt happy with. Anyway she was on the pill for years and came off it maybe about a year ago. We werent using contraception but after sex i would tell her to take the morning after pill which i presumed she did.

Ends up she has just told me she is pregnant. I am so sick and feel she did this as a way of trapping me. I told her i would book flights for us to london to sort this out and she went mad. Now she wont talk to me and i cant tell her how she is making an awful mistake

I know she has done this thinking if we have a baby then ill want her as well which i dont. How can i get through to her. She is ruining both our lives. I dont want a baby with her.

Wibbs

Eh just one point, the morning after pill is emergency contraception, it is not something to be taken regularly and I doubt few women would take it more than twice a year judging by the harshness of it for most. So basically you have been having completely unprotected sex for a year? If you didn't want a baby with a woman you apparently knew wanted more from you, then why not condoms? Regardless of her intentions I can't see this as trapping you. You walked right into the trap if it was.

So now you have to deal with it. You can't force her to a termination, much like you couldn't force her into the morning after pill. The latter you had a 50% stake in, now to all intents and purposes you don't' I don't envy you man, I really don't but your naivety about contraception and personal responsibility makes it hard for me to fully sympathise either TBH.

Taltos

Double what Wibbs said.

But how are you trapped?
You are about to be a father and will now have responsibilities to that child.
But you have no responsibilities to this woman - though tbh not sure who I pity more - you, her or this poor unfortunate baby to-be.

Life is full of consequences. Pity you didn't think this thru beforehand and put a condom on the end of it.

Johnnnybravo

Your a 35 year old male that does not want a baby, so you have regular unprotected sex If you were 15 or 16 I might have some pity on you.

But the woman is not trapping you, yes she is pregnant with your baby but this doesnt mean you have to marry her. I honestly dont think she trapped you, you knew she was not on the pill and still chose not to use condoms. As for the Morning after its not meant as a regular contraceptive.

Only good advise I could give you both now is to go have an STD test, its not like your both teenagers Im honestly baffled that two 35 year old adults would engage in regular unproteced sex and then be shocked when the inevitable happens.

mood

Totally agree with Wibbs.

You walked into this and should have had your eye open. You sound like a teenager. I really pity the girl and baby. And as the last poster said if you don't want a child use a condom.

SarahSassy

unregistered wrote: »

We werent using contraception but after sex i would tell her to take the morning after pill which i presumed she did.

Ok, let me get this right, instead of using a bit of rubber on your willy and preventing pregnancy by acting like a mature adult, you told your sexual partner to clean up your mess after each sex session by pumping her body with chemicals by way of emergency contraception and now its her fault?????

http://www.howtodothings.com/health-fitness/how-to-use-the-morning-after-pill

See under point 2 from the above link which states 'It should be noted that MAP should not be used as a regular birth control method, as it can cause permanent damage to the menstrual cycle' - so you were willing to destroy her fertility because you didnt want to use a condom???? Words fail me!!! Its your fault - you chose not to take responsbility for your contraception. Best thing you can do is support her as much or little as she wants and live with the consequences of your inaction.

username123

unregistered wrote: »

Hey,

Im know ill come across as been mean or childish here but thats not my intention.

Is it mean to continually have unprotected sex with someone you do not want a relationship with and then want to drop the ball when you find out she is pregnant? Well she has to take personal responsibility as well - but seriously - why did you keep stringing her along?

unregistered wrote: »

Im 35 years old and have been sleeping regularly with a girl (30) for a few years now. I kept telling her i didnt want a relationship which i knew she wasnt happy with.

Why did you keep sleeping with her if you knew she wanted more - and why did she?

unregistered wrote: »

Anyway she was on the pill for years and came off it maybe about a year ago. We werent using contraception but after sex i would tell her to take the morning after pill which i presumed she did.

I truly cannot believe a man in his 30s thinks the morning after pill is regular contraception!! Wake up, use a condom!!!
Dont expect 'the woman' to take care off all areas of contraception. Take some responsibility for your own actions!!

unregistered wrote: »

Ends up she has just told me she is pregnant. I am so sick and feel she did this as a way of trapping me.

Trapping you how? Is she expecting you to marry her? Oh wait, you will be partially financially responsible for a child YOU helped to create.

Basic birds and bees: regular unprotected sex can result in pregnancy. How do you think couples who are TRYING to have a baby do it? Thats right, they have regular unprotected sex.

unregistered wrote: »

I told her i would book flights for us to london to sort this out and she went mad. Now she wont talk to me and i cant tell her how she is making an awful mistake

Nice that your answer is to book flights to sort this out. Did either of you ever think to have a discussion about what you would do if she got pregnant? Wouldnt you think that that would be a reasonably normal discussion for two adults who have been sleeping with each other for years to have? That way you may have known in advance that London was not an option she would be interested in.

unregistered wrote: »

I know she has done this thinking if we have a baby then ill want her as well which i dont.

Id say she knows what youre like after years of sleeping with her and refusing a relationship knowing it made her unhappy. You dont sound like the best of catches tbh. Ever think she might want a baby but not you as part of the package?

unregistered wrote: »

How can i get through to her. She is ruining both our lives. I dont want a baby with her.

You should have thought of all of this before continuing to have regular unprotected sex with her.

Honestly I cant believe that someone of your age could be so immature about a sexual relationship!!!

Whats wrong with having a child anyway? Youre 35. Youre an adult.

You need to face up to your responsibilities and get on with things and stop trying to coerce this poor unfortunate into an abortion. Try supporting her for a change maybe?

And maybe read up on the facts of life and contraception in particular - by the sounds of things you are extremely irresponsible - you both need std checks as well.

metrovelvet

And you're the victim here?

Do the mother and the child a favour and have nothing to do with them.

username123

metrovelvet wrote: »

Do the mother and the child a favour and have nothing to do with them.

Except to meet your financial responsibilites.

LegacyUser

Im well aware of how a person gets pregnant etc.

Im annoyed about this as i was led to believe BY HER that she would take the morning after pill when i asked her to. Also i didnt know the morning after pill caused problems for anyone, why would i have, she never complained otherwise i would gladly have used condoms. Also stds is not something we have to worry about. She is mad about me and i know she hasnt been with anyone else in years and if im with someone other that her i use condoms.

I have said to her in the past that i thought she was trying to catch me out with this but she said she took the MAP so she couldnt get pregnant. I took her at her word.

Jack B. Badd

OP, do you realise that she could have taken the MAP every time ye had sex and still have gotten pregnant? Like every other form of contraception (emergency or regular) it's not 100% effective. It's a dose of hormones not a magic wand!

SarahMc

unregistered wrote: »

Im well aware of how a person gets pregnant etc.

....Also i didnt know the morning after pill caused problems for anyone, why would i have

Are you kidding? You are 35, yet are this ignorant about contraceptive methods?

I can see why she tried to trap you, you sound quite the prize.

Wibbs

It seems pretty sensible if you're having condomless sex to be aware of the contraception options that are out there. This goes double, nay triple if you think the woman may want a child as a method to "trap" you into a relationship and fatherhood. Honestly? Cards on the table? I would have sympathy for you if say she told you she was on the pill and you discovered she hadn't been on it for a year. More than some sympathy, I would be raging.


But and it's a big but this isn't the case. You took her at her word, fine but it would be at least a tad sensible to find out about the MAP. I mean you say you know what she was after, you knew she wanted more and you knew she was off regular contraception. Talk about a perfect storm building there. Jesus did you not think, just think that this may be a possibility? Did you not think to figure out the realities behind the MAP? She could be the biggest most conniving bitch in the known universe, but my god you walked right into it. Worse you walked right into it from the perspective of "ah sure the contraception is her responsibility". Forget her and her possible motives, what were you thinking or not as the case may be?

Anyway all that aside, now youre faced with an upcoming pregnancy, birth and child. What are you going to do? Have you even discussed that in your own head or are you still railing against the fates and calling for termination. Talk about naive if you don't mind me saying. I mean as far as you're concerned this woman wanted you to be more to her, "trapped" you and now you're shocked she's not going through with your plan to erase all of that? Eh hello?

Look broadly you've three choices really. 1) support her and the kid into the future as a couple. 2) Support her through the pregnancy and then financially support your kid, but not be with her, or 3) walk away. 1 I don't see happening long term. OK maybe you may get caught up in the whole new life lark for a while, but may not take. I can't see you doing 3 either. Walking away takes a few things. Callousness, hard neck and some balls TBH. Not often found that often in my experience. So I'm thinking option number 2 Carol.

Look inside yourself and see what you want. Ignore the fear and panic. Yes it's there, but let's face it swimming in it is not very manly(shoot me I'm old fashioned). Feel the fear, fine, that's completely natural and understandable. Acting on it isn't. So what do you want? What you have or have the potential to have is a little OP running around. What would that mean to you? Ignoring the fear. What would it mean to you emotionally? And you may be surprised when you hold your child for the first time(and that is manly). What would it mean financially? How would it impact the relationship with the mother? These are the questions I'd be asking myself while looking to chug a box of immodium.

username123

unregistered wrote: »

Im well aware of how a person gets pregnant etc.

Im annoyed about this as i was led to believe BY HER that she would take the morning after pill when i asked her to. Also i didnt know the morning after pill caused problems for anyone, why would i have, she never complained otherwise i would gladly have used condoms. Also stds is not something we have to worry about. She is mad about me and i know she hasnt been with anyone else in years and if im with someone other that her i use condoms.

I have said to her in the past that i thought she was trying to catch me out with this but she said she took the MAP so she couldnt get pregnant. I took her at her word.

Ah - the old, I was led to believe by her so that makes me the victim defence!!!

Honestly!!! If you are relying on someone else to take care of contraception do you not think itd be a good idea to (a) have some trust in that person - which clearly you do not as you told her in the past you thought she was trying to trap you and (b) educate yourself on the contraceptive method allegedly being used.

You really have no one else to blame but yourself for this situation.

Now its time to man up and deal with it. You have absolutely no right to be 'annoyed' about this btw - no form of contraception is 100% effective and if youre going to go using someone for regular unprotected sex outside of a relationship then thats a 'trap' you walked right into with your eyes wide open.

LegacyUser

unregistered wrote: »

Im well aware of how a person gets pregnant etc.

Im annoyed about this as i was led to believe BY HER that she would take the morning after pill when i asked her to. Also i didnt know the morning after pill caused problems for anyone, why would i have, she never complained otherwise i would gladly have used condoms. Also stds is not something we have to worry about. She is mad about me and i know she hasnt been with anyone else in years and if im with someone other that her i use condoms.

I have said to her in the past that i thought she was trying to catch me out with this but she said she took the MAP so she couldnt get pregnant. I took her at her word.

I think you sound completely imature OP and find it hard to believe your 35! First of all, you dont 'tell someone to take the moring after pill', you can ask them to and hope that they respect your decision but at your age, you should know better then to leave that decision in someone elses hands. (i'm sure you have a least one friend by now who got caught!)
As for the above quote, i think you have been abusing and using this poor woman and her emotions for a long time and by the sound of it, stringing her along, in your own words 'She is mad about me and i know she hasnt been with anyone else in years and if im with someone other that her i use condoms.' If you knew she was mad about you, why were you messing with her??? That sounds completely seriously horrible!!!
Outside of the pregnancy, it sounds like you have been treating this woman horribly, i hope for her sake that she didnt do it on purpose (which i highly doubt) as she will regret it for the rest of her life. Having to have someone like you in her life forever will be misery.
If i were you, i would get over yourself and consider that this will be your child, and she will be the mother of your child so you might as well be grown up enough at this point to realise that your world is about to become bigger than you.
I find it incredibly insulting to this woman that you would imply that she did this on purpose (and i seriously hope you haven't actually SAID this to her!! AND FYI, even the MAP isn't 100%!

Its such a cop out on your part, a pathetic attempt to absolve you of all responsibility, time to grow up.

metrovelvet

I can see where this is going. You'll ask for the dna test, even though you already said you know she wasnt sleeping with anyone else. You'll get your confirmation, you'll pay 10 E a week in maintenance and another child will grow up fatherless.

Yeah, you are the victim. Jesus Christ what is it with the trapped. Why would she trap you of all people?

leesmom

unregistered wrote: »

Hey,

Im know ill come across as been mean or childish here but thats not my intention.

Im 35 years old and have been sleeping regularly with a girl (30) for a few years now. I kept telling her i didnt want a relationship which i knew she wasnt happy with. Anyway she was on the pill for years and came off it maybe about a year ago. We werent using contraception but after sex i would tell her to take the morning after pill which i presumed she did.

Ends up she has just told me she is pregnant. I am so sick and feel she did this as a way of trapping me. I told her i would book flights for us to london to sort this out and she went mad. Now she wont talk to me and i cant tell her how she is making an awful mistake

I know she has done this thinking if we have a baby then ill want her as well which i dont. How can i get through to her. She is ruining both our lives. I dont want a baby with her.

are you for real????
you would tell her to take the morning after pill? well how about you took some responsibility yourself and use a condom??
the morning after pill as has been said already is for an emergency only,youre 35 and you dont know this?
twice i have used it and both times ive gotten a lecture from the doctor on how its strictly emergencies only and how it cannot guarantee you wont get pregnant.
and yes you do come across as childish ,especially given your age.
if your willing to have sex , you must be willng to accept responsibility for a pregnancy should it occur
oh and one last thing. stop sleeping with the girl and maybe she will realise you dont want a relationship, send out the wrong message much??

mayordenis

the morning after pill becomes less and less effective over continued use - it's not meant to be used in that way - she could well be telling the truth,
Either way it's as much on you as it is on here, time to grow up.

Wibbs

metrovelvet wrote: »

Yeah, you are the victim. Jesus Christ what is it with the trapped. Why would she trap you of all people?

Basically because daftness is not gender specific. Oh trust me as a fully paid up member of the chauvinistic club(dues in arrears for a while) I'd love to say she's being the daft one, but there's two tangoing here.

metrovelvet

Wibbs wrote: »

Basically because daftness is not gender specific. Oh trust me as a fully paid up member of the chauvinistic club(dues in arrears for a while) I'd love to say she's being the daft one, but there's two tangoing here.

Yeah. I include myself, OP and the mother to be, and the baby in this comment: natural selection aint working.

Nevyn

unregistered wrote: »

Im well aware of how a person gets pregnant etc.

Im annoyed about this as i was led to believe BY HER that she would take the morning after pill when i asked her to. Also i didnt know the morning after pill caused problems for anyone, why would i have, she never complained otherwise i would gladly have used condoms.

You should as an adult engaging in sexual actives with a female educate yourself as to contraception, it is not just for women to know about and use.

IF you really did not want to be a father then you should have used condoms as well as another type of contraception.

unregistered wrote: »

Also stds is not something we have to worry about. She is mad about me and i know she hasnt been with anyone else in years and if im with someone other that her i use condoms.

and what about the sti that you can get while still using condoms like, herpes, genital warts?

http://www.ippf.org/en/Resources/Guides-toolkits/Male+condoms.htm

Protection against HIV and other STIs:

Male condoms significantly reduce the risk of becoming infected with HIV when used correctly with every act of sex.

When used consistently and correctly, condom use prevents 80% to 95% of HIV transmission that would have occurred without condoms (see Question 2, p. 208).

Condoms reduce the risk of becoming infected with many STIs when used consistently and correctly.

– Protect best against STIs spread by discharge, such as HIV, gonorrhea, and chlamydia.

– Also protect against STIs spread by skin-to-skin contact, such as herpes and human papillomavirus.

IF you have had other sexual partners besides her even if you did use condoms you need to tell her for the sake of her health.

unregistered wrote: »

I have said to her in the past that i thought she was trying to catch me out with this but she said she took the MAP so she couldnt get pregnant. I took her at her word.

The MAP is not 100% effective in 100% of cases.

Toots

+1 to what Thaedydal and Wibbs have said.

I wouldn't say she trapped you, trapping you would be telling you she was on the pill or whatever and that you didn't need to use condoms. TBH, I'm shocked that a 35 yr old guy would not be aware of the various contraception methods. Hell when I met my OH we were 17 and he made it his business to find out about them when we started having sex. Contraception is not just up to the woman! My view on it is, look out for no1, if you don't want to be a father, you should suit up if you're going to be having sex with a woman. This is countless times more important if you know that the woman is not using a form of contraception herself, be it the pill, implanon or whatever. Added to that the fact that she has told you she has feelings for you, did it never enter your mind that she might not have wanted to take the MAP perhaps for the very reason that she might have wanted your child??

Anyhoo, even if she was taking it regularly, as mayordennis said, the effectiveness reduces, and given that it's not 100% reliable to begin with, that course of action was probably up there with the withdrawal method as regards effective contraception.

You can't force her to have an abortion, but as others have said, it's not like her father is going be forcing you up the aisle with a shotgun either (hopefully), you don't have to stay in a relationship with her, however you do have to (should) take responsibility for the child you helped create.

Of course the other option is that she's making the whole thing up as an attempt to make you start an 'official' relationship with you. If this is the case it'll come out soon enough, and you can cut her out of your life, but also learn the valuable lesson that is going to come from this. If she is definitely pregnant and ye two weren't in an exclusive relationship, there would be no harm in requesting a DNA test once the child is born. Although you should be aware that if the test proves the child is yours, you will have to take responsibility for it, financially at least, but also hopefully on an emotional level too.

As I said, if she really is pregnant, there's no way you can force her to abort. Your best bet is to explain to her calmly and politely (don't start accusing her of trapping you whatever you do) that you're prepared to face up to your responsibilities with the child(I'd probably phrase it a bit more nicely than that too), but that you do not want a relationship with her. Be clear on that, and make sure that you don't give her false hope that someday you'll end up together. Try your best to keep things as civil as possible, because it really will make things much easier in the long run when (if) the child comes along.

Darthhoob

everyone pretty much said what i wanted to but i will add a bit too :pac:

so, you basically believe that contraception is just upto women?? last time i looked it took two to tango, contraception is the responsibilty of BOTH people. not only that but you expected her to PAY full fee for the MAP everytime you decided to have a bit of fun. didn't you ever think of paying for it? or at least half? even going with her so she isn't getting lectured on her own about contraceptives...you might have learnt something...and made sure she took it instead of just hoping. although ofc MAP is emergency only! (had to repeat that as it is vitally important)

dont get me wrong, she has been stupid too...but she isn't the one complaining about being trapped, and she may well have wanted a baby. but i dont think she did tbh....could be wrong but it doesn't matter really. fact is you ARE going to be a dad now and you need to sort out what role you are going to play. you need to think about that kid before yourself....hell atm you need to think about her before yourself whilst she is carrying your child. you DONT have to be with her and i dont think a woman of that age (i assume about the same as you) is stupid enough to think that having a baby traps a man in this day and age. although you probably messed with her mind so damn much she probably doesn't think straight.

honestly mate, in future be in control of contraception...equally if not moreso than a woman, seeing as you are the one who really does not want kids...do something about it....hoping for the best is NOT a form of contraception. and dont string along women you know want a relationship with you. everytime you slept with her, you gave her a bit of false hope!
55% of communication is via body language! 38% is tonality and only 7% is words...hence the phrase "actions speak louder than words" you may have been saying "i dont want to be with you" but your body was telling her something quite different...and telling her louder!

i despair that a man of your age doesn't know better

fend

:rolleyes: *Sigh... Wow... The flights? Too generous...:rolleyes:
Even if she had taken you up on the offer of a termination, you really think €30 x2 over to London is gonna fix it?

You are aware, terminations cost in and around £500 - £1000? I suppose along with the €14 for the MAP she was going to fork out for this? And of course, there is the accommodation, the emotional scars and feelings, the living with the thought how much of a shmuck she was to listen to you?

Good job dude... Not only have you tried to sort you life out with the equivalent of a night out, but you've just shown your true colours to this woman, who has by now probably hopefully opened her eyes.


Best thing you can do now, is stop thinking about that fantastic:rolleyes: sexual lifestyle you currently have going on, grow up, get some balls and face facts.

Your are going to be a daddy. Congratulations.


Do you want YOUR child growing up knowing its probably gonna be more responsible than you by the age of 3? If you weren't interested in this woman, then why lead her on? Why sleep with her without protection? Why answer her midnight booty calls? Inevitably, what did you think was going to happen? Did you somehow think that Tuesday the 12th of never, she was going to move on all by herself? You should of cut ties with this woman while you were ahead.

As said before. You are going to be a daddy. Congratulations. Now start planning for the future, and tuck your manhood away.

CDfm

OP I am going to go against the norm here. If you view this as a **** buddy relationship and nothing more you may not want the relationship to continue.

You cant force the girl to have an abortion but any future involvement with her and any child is your decision.

So you need to start at the basics on what your feelings are if any for this girl. You should also look at any potential relationship you will have with any child.

You may not want either and no-one can force you.

Splendour

CDfm wrote: »

You may not want either and no-one can force you.

Given the OP's attitude, I think this girl would be mad to try and force him to see the child.

Agree with metrovelvet here; I don't see why the OP would want to 'trap' a guy like this?!

OP,I hope when this baby comes along you both grow up and face your responsibilities like adults and outgrow your childish ways...

onimpulse

metrovelvet wrote: »

natural selection aint working.

Couldn't agree more!

kittenkiller

I hope she'll be as devoted to your child as she is/was to you!

buckieburd

Did you ever offer to pay for the MAP? You do realise you have to go to the Doctor (€50) and pay for the tablet (approx €30). So you expect her to shell out approx €80 every time you had sex?!? Not to mention the health risks involved. I cannot believe one person could be so stupid...and selfish.
She probably did do it to trap you, and you made it very easy for her.

LegacyUser

I had an FB situation going, and after one to many we did it without condom, he said he would pull out ( stupid ! You dont have to tell me ) anyways he didnt, so off I went for MAP.
It didnt work and six weeks later I'm ringing him with the news.

Only difference in my case was it was a MAN i was ringing, who stepped up straight away. We talked, he understood I couldnt go through with an abortion.

He was there for our son's birth and 16 months later he's still here for him, financially and emotionally, in fact he is a wonderful father.
We're not a couple, we have seperate lives, but we are parents, who adore our little man !

Grow up OP, be a man FFS !

You might find that this baby is the best thing that ever happened to you, we certainly feel that way about our son.

Peggypeg

I completely agree with Shellyboo. Do you realise how horrible you sound? You've said "she's mad about me, she hasn't slept with anyone else" and "she wants more". You sound like such a user. I'm probably going to get told off for saying it but you don't sound like you have very many ethics at all. All I can pray for the sake of the girl and the baby is that she drops you and then goes and raises the baby herself. I dont' think someone that sounds as callous and using and downright selfish would make a very good father. For your sake I hope you realise you need to make some changes in how you threat people and grow up and maybe you could have the PRIVILEGE of being a father to that child.

The Corinthian

unregistered wrote: »

I know she has done this thinking if we have a baby then ill want her as well which i dont. How can i get through to her. She is ruining both our lives. I dont want a baby with her.

Maybe she got pregnant to 'trap' you, maybe she did not. Maybe she got pregnant because she's in her thirties, looking to change her life and motherhood is an option. Maybe she got pregnant because she was an idiot who didn't use contraception. Maybe all of the above. Maybe none.

Whatever the reason, you were sloppy and foolish and there is a price to pay for that. There is no way you can claim innocence unless she deceived you, and from you've written it is clear that she made no promise to take a morning after pill if she did get pregnant and you knowingly had sex with her without contraceptives.

Even if she actively sought to get pregnant, you cannot abdicate your part in this mess either, but worry not as ultimately the law will not let you. You can only abdicate your part in such messes if you are female, I'm afraid.

I suggest you first sit down and decide whether you want to be a part of the (future) child's life. If you do, see if you can work out a practical arrangement with the mother-to-be, but making it clear that the two of you will no longer have any kind of romantic relationship. Do not attempt a relationship simply for the sake of the child. If, on the other hand, you want to have nothing to do with the child, let her know sooner rather than later.

Either way you will legally be obliged to pay maintenance once the child is born.

Johnnnybravo

Why do I get the feeling that the OP thinks the same way about abortions that he does about the MAP, that its a great solution and shure if it happens again he can "make her" go get another one and not even worry about the consequences of the effects on her mentally and physially. OP Is this really the 1st time this has happened you?? I extremely doubt it given your attitude of completely unsafe sex.

I genuinely think this woman would be 100% better off without you and deserves a lot better. Its obvious that she was mad about you, Im baffled that she put herself through going in getting the MAP after everytime you had sex. You knew she was mad about you and yet you kept using her for the sex even though you knew she wanted more, you really have nobody to blame but yourself.

Also as for your views on STD`s, you sound totally uneducated about them and I would recommend getting checked out and having a read up on them for your own sake to educate yourself. Also going forward just use a bloody condom, never in my life have I heard anything so ridiculous as somebody who knows their FB is not on the pill, does not use a condom and is now shocked that the woman has conceived.

SarahSassy

Been there. wrote: »

I had an FB situation going, and after one to many we did it without condom, he said he would pull out ( stupid ! You dont have to tell me ) anyways he didnt, so off I went for MAP.
It didnt work and six weeks later I'm ringing him with the news.

Only difference in my case was it was a MAN i was ringing, who stepped up straight away. We talked, he understood I couldnt go through with an abortion.

He was there for our son's birth and 16 months later he's still here for him, financially and emotionally, in fact he is a wonderful father.
We're not a couple, we have seperate lives, but we are parents, who adore our little man !

Grow up OP, be a man FFS !

You might find that this baby is the best thing that ever happened to you, we certainly feel that way about our son.

Well done to you both for being so adult and mature about it - OP read and learn

Sineadg

OP, I actually had to laugh out loud at your post. It sounded like something straight from Gerry Springer and yes you ARE the father of baby to be. I think you have been told by all the last posters where youve gone wrong so I won't repeat that. But now you do have a wonderful opportunity to step up to the mark and be the man that you can be. Believe me that will make a huge difference in both their lives, and in your own as there is no doubt but that a child is a great blessing and I hope you realise that before it's too late. Good luck to all three of you!

Jessica-Rabbit

unregistered wrote: »

Hey,

Im know ill come across as been mean or childish here but thats not my intention.

Im 35 years old and have been sleeping regularly with a girl (30) for a few years now. I kept telling her i didnt want a relationship which i knew she wasnt happy with. Anyway she was on the pill for years and came off it maybe about a year ago. We werent using contraception but after sex i would tell her to take the morning after pill which i presumed she did.

Ends up she has just told me she is pregnant. I am so sick and feel she did this as a way of trapping me. I told her i would book flights for us to london to sort this out and she went mad. Now she wont talk to me and i cant tell her how she is making an awful mistake

I know she has done this thinking if we have a baby then ill want her as well which i dont. How can i get through to her. She is ruining both our lives. I dont want a baby with her.

Few things wrong here.. you are happy to sleep with her despite the fact that you know that she wants more...seems like u want you cake and you want to eat it too.. why coudnt you be a man and finish with her so she could find someone else..u didnt need to string her along..
now you got her pregant .. too bad mate.. youre a 35 year old man not a teenager.. u should have been responsible and worn a condom..now you have made your made hope u enjoy lying in it

metrovelvet

Its called karma. Too bad the child will be the sacrificial lamb.

LegacyUser

OP did you honestly believe that after everytime you were together that she went to the doctor to get the MAP??? Did you really believe that any doctor would give it out that often?? Its emergency contraception that if it doesn't work can cause physical problems to the baby and the mother, hence why it's not something that's given too often. You have treated this woman appallingly and I really hope that she has just used you to get pregnant and that she's not hoping to "trap" you as you so big headedly put it. Get over yourself.

Jood

You're making yourself out to be a victim of circumstance when in reality you created this situation, you and the lady in question. You can't put all the blame on her, she didnt climb on top of herself and make herself pregnant, you were there too. Look drop the self pity, it isnt attractive, meet up with this girl, tell her you dont want a relationship and try to come to some sort of agreement.

This isn't the end of you're life, your a grown man, you're not a 15 year old in school with no sense of who he is. It's a baby at the end of the day, a new life, it can only be a good thing!!

wexford202

unregistered wrote: »

Im well aware of how a person gets pregnant etc.

Im annoyed about this as i was led to believe BY HER that she would take the morning after pill when i asked her to. Also i didnt know the morning after pill caused problems for anyone, why would i have, she never complained otherwise i would gladly have used condoms. Also stds is not something we have to worry about. She is mad about me and i know she hasnt been with anyone else in years and if im with someone other that her i use condoms.

I have said to her in the past that i thought she was trying to catch me out with this but she said she took the MAP so she couldnt get pregnant. I took her at her word.

It really doesn't matter what she told you about taking the morning after pill. It is up to you to protect yourself. You are the one that doesn't want a child.

She is the one that does that is why she wasn't careful.

If you thought before that she was trying to catch you out you should have used a condom and not believed her especially when you knew she was as you say mad about you.

She will move on from you, don't worry about that. Your suggestion to pay for her to go to London has probably already made her see the sense she couldn't see in years.

I have no doubt that he will meet someone else who can be a great dad better than you would ever be to this child anyway so don't worry about it. Just forget about her and the child. I would pay her childs maintainence myself so she wouldn't ever have to waste another breath phonecall or meeting with you again. Honestly the child will no doubt grow up and one day turn to it's mother and say thank God I ended up like you mammy and not a lonely old miserable man like my father.

paymemymoney

The hypocrisy on boards always amuses me form both posters and mods. In this post the OP is slated for not wearing a condom by both posters and mods. In another thread today about someone being HIV positive a poster suggested she should have used condoms and was given a slap on the wrist by the mod and was sated by posters.

Hypocrisy is alive and well on boards

trojan Fury

You are without a shadow of a doubt the stupidest person ever!

Wibbs

paymemymoney(or is that VO?). you have posted completely off topic. Don't do it again. If you can't understand the diff between why one was slated for suggesting condom use and one wasn't then maybe this forum isn't for you. Similarly if you think this forum is hypocritical then don't post. Feel free to take it to feedback or helpdesk. Do not clutter up a thread.

trojan Fury insults are hardly helpful. One of the biggest rules of the forum is attack the post not the poster. Read the charter of this forum before posting again. Thanks.

unregistered

unregistered wrote: »

Im annoyed about this as i was led to believe BY HER that she would take the morning after pill when i asked her to. Also i didnt know the morning after pill caused problems for anyone, why would i have,

Oh you're right ofc, that's just women's business :rolleyes:

You do realise she'd have to fork out for a GP appt on top of the prescript every time? About 65 euro + just for the privilege of having sex with you and being told to run off and f* up her body with the MAP like a good girl?

mood

And by the way, if she was out to trap you surely she would not have told you she when off the pill!

shellyboo

French23 wrote: »

I completely agree with Shellyboo.

Um... I haven't posted on this thread. But hey, awesome.

Nevyn

Unhelpful and off topic posts will get you banned from this forum,
do read the charter for the rules about posting.
have a nice day.
Thaedydal

LegacyUser

Do you realise how much emotional hurt you're putting this girl through and have been for years!!??
how did you sleep with her for years and seem to have little or no feelings or even care about her... Just answer me that please, cos i'd like to know?
And now you're annoyed that she's pregnant! This is your fault.
Asking her to abort it after her being with you all this time is just heartless.

XarcherX

Grow a pair.

reesa

wow - you sound really selfish - you used this girl as a f*ck buddy for years - and also slept around with other people - you took no interest or initiative for being responsible about birth control - you told her to take the morning after pill (not even really knowing what it was) and now are indignant when she gets pregnant - you used her, however it must be said she let herself be used also - there's a pair of you in it - i hope whatever this girl decides you support her as you take much of the blame for this idiotic situation and i also hope the poor unfortunate child doesn't end up paying for the selfishness of both of you

Nevyn

XarcherX banned for a week.