What age should you expect all your mates to start getting engaged/married/preggers

Kold

Because I'm thinking of calling shenanigans on my friends and making them cut this sh*t out.

I'm 23, 24 in December. Just before the summer, two of my friends, both 21 announced pregnancies. Fair enough, they're in loving relationships and all. But then over the summer, 3 friends; 21, 24 and 24 respectively, have gotten engaged. One of them is getting married in New York in Oct/Nov but I can't attend. Just far too in debt and going into my degree year in a pretty demanding course. Damn it, I didn't think I had to worry about this stuff for another 3-4 years at least. What's more, I'm looking around at all my other friends who have been in 2-3 year relationships and can see more coming.

Damn it people, think of your manchild friends! I still get ID'd going into pubs! I've always thought that if I were to have kids, I'd wait until I was 30 at least. I thought this was pretty sound reasoning. What's with these people? Is this some sort of reaction to the recession or is this the normal age for all this stuff to happen?

Kiera

I'm nearly 30 and 60% of my mates are married and having kids. Only thing that sucks about it is, we're losing all the drinkers in the group while they're popping out sprogs

bluto63

Kold wrote: »

Because I'm thinking of calling shenanigans on my friends and making them cut this sh*t out.

I'm 23, 24 in December. Just before the summer, two of my friends, both 21 announced pregnancies. Fair enough, they're in loving relationships and all. But then over the summer, 3 friends; 21, 24 and 24 respectively, have gotten engaged. One of them is getting married in New York in Oct/Nov but I can't attend. Just far too in debt and going into my degree year in a pretty demanding course. Damn it, I didn't think I had to worry about this stuff for another 3-4 years at least. What's more, I'm looking around at all my other friends who have been in 2-3 year relationships and can see more coming.

Damn it people, think of your manchild friends! I still get ID'd going into pubs! I've always thought that if I were to have kids, I'd wait until I was 30 at least. I thought this was pretty sound reasoning. What's with these people? Is this some sort of reaction to the recession or is this the normal age for all this stuff to happen?

Respectively to what?

Kold

bluto63 wrote: »

Respectively to what?

Damn lack of a proof read.

cathysworld

I think people are getting married a lot younger these days, I dont know why! When you see how much pressure some people are under to pay for these weddings/houses/babies you have to wonder!

daheff

pretty much from 20 on my friends have been engaged or pregnant (or gotten their missus up the duff)


embrace the change

None of my friends are allowed to grow up. Ever. :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad:

Dudess

Not your age anyway I'd have thought - jeez, that seems really young to do the settling thing (not that there's anything wrong with it). My circle of friends are in their late 20s/early 30s and two couples are engaged (one couple has a child). Other than that, it's boyfriend/girlfriend couples.

Oh one other friend is married.

But that's only my friends - there's no set age.

banshee_bones

Im early twenties and only three of my friends have children and one is engaged, few in LT relationships but thats it....

jape

sure back in my day, we were married, moved in together and had 2 kids already by age 18

AnonoBoy

I'm the friend that wives don't allow their husbands to hang around with.

Probably cause I'm always trying to get to come out on weekend drinking binges, take all manner of illegal substances, abandon their responsibilities and have sex with me in dark alleyways.

I mean, c'mon - what the hell is their problem?

Pace2008

Any of my acquaintances who are having kids or thinking of tying the knot are no-craic straight-edge pricks, and I hope they enjoy their midlife crises when they realise they threw away what could potentially have been their best years just to adhere to what society considers a 'life.'

dumbblonde122

I just turned 25 and the bulk of my friends, male and female, are knocked up, engaged, married or have bought a house.

At the moment there are only three of us still single.

It appears people are getting serious younger with their first loves and what not and possibly in their late twenties, thirties the cracks will show.

I think it is best to have a serious relationship in your early twenties that you can learn from

Dudess

Pace2008 wrote: »

Any of my acquaintances who are having kids or thinking of tying the knot are no-craic straight-edge pricks, and I hope they enjoy their midlife crises when they realise they threw away what could potentially have been their best years just to adhere to what society considers a 'life.'

Jeez... that's a bit harsh just because you don't relate to it.

Kold

dumbblonde122 wrote: »

I think it is best to have a serious relationship in your early twenties that you can learn from

Yeah, from 18-21, I was considered the one in a proper relationship. I don't know if I learnt from it or have been untouchable since but I haven't had a girlfriend since then. It's not like I haven't had the opportunity but I simply can't be arsed with a repeat of the last one.

dumbblonde122

Kold wrote: »

Yeah, from 18-21, I was considered the one in a proper relationship. I don't know if I learnt from it or have been untouchable since but I haven't had a girlfriend since then. It's not like I haven't had the opportunity but I simply can't be arsed with a repeat of the last one.

Ha ha same as

Lord Trollington

Kold wrote: »

Because I'm thinking of calling shenanigans on my friends and making them cut this sh*t out.

I'm 23, 24 in December. Just before the summer, two of my friends, both 21 announced pregnancies. Fair enough, they're in loving relationships and all. But then over the summer, 3 friends; 21, 24 and 24 respectively, have gotten engaged. One of them is getting married in New York in Oct/Nov but I can't attend. Just far too in debt and going into my degree year in a pretty demanding course. Damn it, I didn't think I had to worry about this stuff for another 3-4 years at least. What's more, I'm looking around at all my other friends who have been in 2-3 year relationships and can see more coming.

Damn it people, think of your manchild friends! I still get ID'd going into pubs! I've always thought that if I were to have kids, I'd wait until I was 30 at least. I thought this was pretty sound reasoning. What's with these people? Is this some sort of reaction to the recession or is this the normal age for all this stuff to happen?

Do you ever ask yourself why am i not in a relationship ???

I_am_Jebus

I'm almost 26, three failed serious LT relationships later and I am single. It's looking bleak for me:D But yep, have now noticed some friends starting to head down the road of engagements and stuff (mid 20s). I'll be alone soon it seems and will have to get some new friends.

Personally, I would settle down at any age if I found the right person. I think that's more of an important issue than age to be honest. Everyone is at different stages in their lives and different things will suit them at different times. As long as they don't rush into something stupid anyway...

Kold

whycliff wrote: »

Do you ever ask yourself why am i not in a relationship ???

Yes and I know the answers. What's that got to do with anything though?

Lord Trollington

Kold wrote: »

Yes and I know the answers. What's that got to do with anything though?

I thought it would help you figure out why other people are actually settling down....
Maybe i'm wrong...

The Big Red Button

I'm almost 24 and engaged, I'm definitely the exception of my friends though. I'm just thinking, of the people I'm closest to (mostly female), out of about fifteen of them aged early-mid twenties, there are two in serious long-term relationships, two in more casual relationships, the rest are single and loving it, and with all of them there is absolutely no talk of children or mortgages yet.

Even with me - I'm about to move away from my fiance for four years for my career, we won't be getting a mortgage or getting married until after that - and definitely no children for a long time after that if ever! We're both planning on travelling a bit in the next few years, together and separately. We go out most weekends - sometimes together but mostly separately, as I prefer going to nightclubs with the girls and he prefers heading down to the local with his friends. My point is, just because you "settle down" young doesn't mean you have to sacrifice all the fun of your twenties!

Irishcrx

I'm 22 , have a girlfriend who's great and have been with her 5 years but I have no intention of marriage for years waste of money I think and i'm not religous so...Kids is the last thing on my mind, were still having fun, always see our mates, go out etc... I just don't allow myself to change for anyone or anything I'm me 24/7 I hope I can always be like that. I see for many of my mates get so into a relationship/ house/ marriage that I don't even know who they are anymore and I just think...saps.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Pace2008 wrote: »

Any of my acquaintances who are having kids or thinking of tying the knot are no-craic straight-edge pricks, and I hope they enjoy their midlife crises when they realise they threw away what could potentially have been their best years just to adhere to what society considers a 'life.'

Judging by that post "acquaintances" are probably the nearest your likely to get to having friends.

OP, time's & generations differ.

For me getting married and settling down to have a family were completely the norm from 20 onwards. I was engaged when I was 18 and married at 21 and started planning a family shortly after that.

But things are alot different for younger people today, for starters few of us (back in the late 70's & early 80's) went onto third level education, so we ventured out into the world a lot younger than people do today.

By the time I was married and planning a family I was in the military since I turned 18 and had been in Lebanon twice, I'd done my partying - gigs (Slane and Lisdoonvarna were the gigs back then). Life was tough, and mostly we weren't pampered like people of the same age are today.

The one huge risk to all this was the chance of growing apart was pretty good. At 30 we're certainly not the same person we were when we were twenty - so marriage was something people worked very hard at.

The positives are huge. I'm 43 now, my son is almost 18 & my daughter 14.

We can all have the craic together, we fish/shoot and play sports together. When I go to fight (Judo) its not a huge deal for my kids, I'm hardly an 'ol lad.

In the new year (January or Febuary) I'll be going to Chad with the army and at the age my children are now I won't be missing a whole lot - we're actually close enough age wise that we're friends also.

I think todays generation will miss most of that as most aren't getting married until at least they're late 20's or early 30's (school leavers, lol) or they're getting 'caught' with an unexpected pregnancy and still living with the parents, so they're even older again by the time they venture out into the big bad world.

Speaking for me personally, I'm glad I got married and started a family at the age I did. I bought my first home when property was dirt cheap, now at 43 I'm in a position whereby my job is secure, I've good disposable income - most of my friends are in the same position, our kids are young enough to be our buddies also.

Life is good.

Sorry for the long post - at my age we 'tend to ramble :P

.

The_Kew_Tour

I_am_Jebus wrote: »

I'm almost 26, three failed serious LT relationships later and I am single. It's looking bleak for me:D But yep, have now noticed some friends starting to head down the road of engagements and stuff (mid 20s). I'll be alone soon it seems and will have to get some new friends.

Personally, I would settle down at any age if I found the right person. I think that's more of an important issue than age to be honest. Everyone is at different stages in their lives and different things will suit them at different times. As long as they don't rush into something stupid anyway...

As guy who has also had three failed LT relationships I totally know where your coming from 100%

Well said on final point seen so many people just being pure blind to obvious

Lux23

I'm 27 and have a few friends with children but only one who is married. It must depend on the group but most of my friends are still at the partying hard part of their life.

Oh there are a few from school who have got married but I simply don't see them anymore because I wouldn't fit in with their lifestyle and vice versa.

murfie

Pace2008 wrote: »

Any of my acquaintances who are having kids or thinking of tying the knot are no-craic straight-edge pricks, and I hope they enjoy their midlife crises when they realise they threw away what could potentially have been their best years just to adhere to what society considers a 'life.'

Ya but when your 55-60 and and still have teenagers in the house you will wish you had kids earlier.

I think having kids late into your 30s as is what we see is getting to late to be able to enjoy your kids while you have energy and also enjoy your later years.

When i am 50-55 I will more than likely making more money than any other period in my life and I plan to not have a kid around young enough to ruin my spending of it!! Got to think of the long game!

Sleipnir

Pace2008 wrote: »

Any of my acquaintances who are having kids or thinking of tying the knot are no-craic straight-edge pricks, and I hope they enjoy their midlife crises when they realise they threw away what could potentially have been their best years just to adhere to what society considers a 'life.'

You sound like a petulant child! I always thought the best years were school years, no? Or are the 'best years' purely defined as what Pace2008 considers them to be?

And "potentially" the best years of their life? Potentially, the years when they're married with kids will be the best years of their lives! Or potentially the worst, or potentially none of the above. The point is, your own opinion of other people's lives actually has no bearing their lives.

Prof.Badass

You have to wonder though.

If you got married during your first proper long term relationship it might have a better chance of working out than if you're used to just getting a new partner as soon as you're bored.

StormWarrior

I'm 26 and the first time a friend of mine got pregnant I was 19 (she was 18). I was horrified, but very soon others followed. About half of my friends had kids by the time we were about 22 (maye I'm just from a scummy area). Even my younger cousin, she's 4 years younger than me, is married with 2 kids! I personally think it's horrifying, I can't understand why people would throw their lives away so young. And they all say they wish they'd waited at least 10 years. My friend told me that her mum gave birth to her at the age of 28 and the hospital wrote "geriatric mother" on her file!

In my town though it does seem to be the ones with no prospects who get married/have kids early. The university-educated ones and ones with other good careers are still unmarried and child-free.

Pace2008

Alijah Shrilling Backgammon wrote: »

Judging by that post "acquaintances" are probably the nearest your likely to get to having friends.

OP, time's & generations differ.

For me getting married and settling down to have a family were completely the norm from 20 onwards. I was engaged when I was 18 and married at 21 and started planning a family shortly after that.

But things are alot different for younger people today, for starters few of us (back in the late 70's & early 80's) went onto third level education, so we ventured out into the world a lot younger than people do today.

By the time I was married and planning a family I was in the military since I turned 18 and had been in Lebanon twice, I'd done my partying - gigs (Slane and Lisdoonvarna were the gigs back then). Life was tough, and mostly we weren't pampered like people of the same age are today.

The one huge risk to all this was the chance of growing apart was pretty good. At 30 we're certainly not the same person we were when we were twenty - so marriage was something people worked very hard at.

The positives are huge. I'm 43 now, my son is almost 18 & my daughter 14.

We can all have the craic together, we fish/shoot and play sports together. When I go to fight (Judo) its not a huge deal for my kids, I'm hardly an 'ol lad.

In the new year (January or Febuary) I'll be going to Chad with the army and at the age my children are now I won't be missing a whole lot - we're actually close enough age wise that we're friends also.

I think todays generation will miss most of that as most aren't getting married until at least they're late 20's or early 30's (school leavers, lol) or they're getting 'caught' with an unexpected pregnancy and still living with the parents, so they're even older again by the time they venture out into the big bad world.

Speaking for me personally, I'm glad I got married and started a family at the age I did. I bought my first home when property was dirt cheap, now at 43 I'm in a position whereby my job is secure, I've good disposable income - most of my friends are in the same position, our kids are young enough to be our buddies also.

Life is good.

Sorry for the long post - at my age we 'tend to ramble

.

I can see how my post might have come across as a bit offensive and it was definitely over the top . In truth, I don't think that settling down has to be some form of life sentence (my ould folks had me at 24 and they're doing just fine). It's just when I see some of my friends going down the same route I have to question their wisdom. Of my mates that are in long-term relationships I'd say about half of them should have bailed out well over a year ago since their quality of life has seriously deteriorated in that time. People tend to cling to relationships, even when they're bringing more grief than joy, since it's hard to break out of a perceived comfort zone - the thought of life without someone you've been with for years is scary, and the initial period after the breakup is always going to be rough, which is why people frequently 'relapse' against their better judgement. When it comes down to it, some people don't have the balls to break out of the rut and will inevitably do the marriage/kids thing in the vain hope that it'll ameliorate a relationship that was doomed from the start.

So more power to you for doing what you did - you're lucky. Just understand that it doesn't work out for everyone the same way.

PS. You may have been finished with your partying when you were 18 - I'm 21 and I think I have 9 more years left in me. Understand that people want different things from life.

I_am_Jebus

murfie wrote: »

Ya but when your 55-60 and and still have teenagers in the house you will wish you had kids earlier.

I think having kids late into your 30s as is what we see is getting to late to be able to enjoy your kids while you have energy and also enjoy your later years.

When i am 50-55 I will more than likely making more money than any other period in my life and I plan to not have a kid around young enough to ruin my spending of it!! Got to think of the long game!

You make some relevant points.

I still think though, that age shouldn't really be a factor. so what if you get married at 23 or 33 or any other age. You should only get married etc... when you are sure that you have the person you want to be with and that person is sure that you are the one they want and both of you are sure you can make it work through good and bad times.

The only exception I would say is the particularly younger members of society. I am really not sure that a typical 18 year old for an example has enough life experience or even more importantly - personal discovery to know when the moment in right.

Although, Makikomi (as above), contradicts that. And that is the thing, there are no set rules for this kind of thing. It is truely down to individuals and a place in time.

The thing is tho, as I mentioned, more and more of friends are heading down these roads and while they are still great friends, they've got busy lives and priorities and I don't see them as much as I used to. I am definitely spending a bit more time on my own, but unlike the OPSorry meant Pace2008, I don'y begrudge them. I'm glad they're happy. I don't really understand the kind of attitude displayed in the OPPace2008's post.


phhheeeeew, I think I just blacked out, what just happened....

Kold

@Makikomi

That's fair enough but has it worked out for all your mates that did the same? I just find that my ex is such a different person in the past 2 or 3 years that I actually hate having to spend time with her. I still maintain that I was in love and very much so but I do wonder what my life would be like if I'd stayed with the girl I loved throughout my 20's. It may be myself comforting myself but I'm certain breaking up with her was the right thing to do.

BraziliaNZ

i just dont like/want kids. And i get bored with partners after a few months. Not everyone has to end up with kids/wives. Oh and I'm divorced!

AnonoBoy

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

i just dont like/want kids. And i get bored with partners after a few months. Not everyone has to end up with kids/wives. Oh and I'm divorced!

If you get bored of partners after a few months how did you ever end up getting married?

BraziliaNZ

AnonoBoy wrote: »

If you get bored of partners after a few months how did you ever end up getting married?

i was young and didn't know what i was doing

MmmmmCheese

dumbblonde122 wrote: »

I think it is best to have a serious relationship in your early twenties that you can learn from

I'm just a wee lass of 18 and i think I've already done the whole serious first relationship that failed thing.

Some people do find love when they're young though and age doesn't come into the equation.

Its not about age really, it all just depends on the time you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Be it 16 or 30.

Kipperhell

It is heavily dependent on your socio-economic background and lifestyle. Those who go to college tend to be a little older than those who don't. I wouldn't considerer marrying until 25. It does happened suddenly around you one minute you are at 21st next it is engagement parties, weddings and then christenings.

I found people in their 30s seem to meet and marry really quickly a few of my friends suddenly had a spouse, house and kids in two years. They all seem very settled now and turned their back on everything they once found fun. The whole idea that my wife would stop me going out is just alien to me but others seem to think that is what marriage is. Certain people just get a substitute parent and not a partner.

Wibbs

vinylmesh wrote: »

You have to wonder though.

If you got married during your first proper long term relationship it might have a better chance of working out than if you're used to just getting a new partner as soon as you're bored.

Funny enough I would tend to agree with you on that one. The I'm bored, lets move on thing is very common. I can think of a helluva lot of people that if they had their life over would be with their first "major" love. A helluva lot. Now for some they do need a few under their belt to knock the sharp edges off, but I would say a lot don't.

It depends though. The guys in my family have tended to marry late. Very few below 35/40 and average 45 ish, some older and they have kids and no probs there. We seem to live long(85+) so that helps I suppose.

I can't see myself ever getting hitched at this stage TBH and I'm Makikomi's age. That may change and I fall mad for someone tomorrow. It would surprise me though. Then again that's part of the fun.:D

Overheal

This depends on where you are. in Clare you might be looking at 22,23... but in Rush, its more like 14

BraziliaNZ

MmmmmCheese wrote: »

Its not about age really, it all just depends on the time you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Be it 16 or 30.

lol @ 18 year old wisdom

Overheal

BraziliaNZ wrote: »

lol @ 18 year old wisdom

Mid-40's cynicism?

lolli

I'm 25 and i'm expecting my first baby. I know a few who are married, a lot with children and even more that are single at my age.

This_Years_Love

When I was the same age as the OP, all but two of my mates were engaged or married and a lot of them were had a child/were at least pregnant. I thought they were all crazy back then and I still do. Why throw away your freedom when you're so young by getting tied down with a kid?? There's plenty of time in life for that.

Now, a lot of them have two or more kids, some of them are still with their husbands/boyfriends, others aren't and are single mothers and struggling to get by. In fact, most of them are really struggling to get by at the moment because of the recession. Most of them can only get a night out if a relative offers to babysit for free because they can't afford to hire one.

One of my mates is having a really bad time lately. Both her and her husband were both made redundant this year and can't find jobs no matter how hard they look (and before anyone says it: they've applied for all the jobs no one wants like cleaning jobs, working in fast food restaurants, supermarkets, etc but still haven't had any luck finding a job). Most of their dole money gets spent on bills and food with not much left over for other stuff. They weren't able to buy their 3 children any school books this year. They did have money saved up but the uniforms were much more expensive than they expected (mostly because they had to buy them though the school because they had a the school logo sewn on to them). The school rents out books but it is over-subscribed this year so the each of the kids have to share books with two other students in their classes (the kids take turns bring them home each night). She's got no idea how she's going to afford the kids schoolbooks, brithday presents (she got two coming up) and christmas presents.

Do people really want that kind of stress in their twenties???

smileysurfer

MmmmmCheese wrote: »

Its not about age really, it all just depends on the time you meet someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Be it 16 or 30.

people can hardly know at the age of 16 who they want to spend the rest of their lives with. 16year olds are full of hormones

smileysurfer

lolli wrote: »

I'm 25 and i'm expecting my first baby. I know a few who are married, a lot with children and even more that are single at my age.

Congratulations!!

Dankoozy

kids? wtf would you want them for?

end up living your life tied down because of the kids, they become teenagers and start to hate you because they want to be independent, run off with a drug dealer and never see you again.

and then you stuck at home with a woman who has a wizard's sleeve from pushing the lil ****ers out

lolli

smileysurfer wrote: »

Congratulations!!

Thank you!!

arybvtcw0eolkf

Pace2008 wrote: »

I can see how my post might have come across as a bit offensive and it was definitely over the top .

So more power to you for doing what you did - you're lucky. Just understand that it doesn't work out for everyone the same way.

PS. You may have been finished with your partying when you were 18 - I'm 21 and I think I have 9 more years left in me. Understand that people want different things from life.

Honestly I didn't find your post offensive, more shallow tbh.

I'm lucky in ways, but unlucky in others. I didn't cover my entire life in that post, I've been through all the ups & downs - smiles as frownes as most people.

My party days are not over, not by a long shot!... I'm the uncle who jumps up and dances like spa at parties now

Btw, I'm sure a few here will remember the Amsterdam photos I had up for awhile

.

HalloweenJack

I'm 21 and I know of about ten people my age who have kids. Noone's married yet.

Dudess

whycliff wrote: »

I thought it would help you figure out why other people are actually settling down....
Maybe i'm wrong...

How would the reasons for Kold being single help him figure out why other people are "actually" settling down?
Looks like there's a dig in there tbh...

I always find comments on these type threads along the lines of "why would anyone want the stress of kids?", "why would anyone want to be all old and boring and settled down?" quite amusing. The implication is that people doing these things don't really want to and are just fulfilling what they believe society expects of them - maybe so, but maybe they simply want to?

And also, I can't help but suspect some jealousy of those who have found love early in life and the relationship is so strong that marriage is a feasible option.

I'm not saying I'm right, and if I come across as presumptuous/judgemental, I'm not intending it. But I do think less attention should be paid to how others live their lives.

Piste

I'd like to have kids young, but the thing is I'm doing medicine so wont be finished my intern year til I'm 23 and even then will have to work ridiculous hours, so kids might be too much of a hassle. Not bothered with marriage, don't care if I ever get married, I'd be happy enough with a lifelong companion.