could you leave your fella?

all_smilz

I am out of work with a few months now and pretty fed up with it.
Half of my friends are engaged/married/pregnant or parents and the others are off living it up in Oz or travelling with work.

I have mortgage but I could conceivably leave for 3- 6months to maybe work and travel, I like the idea of Dubai or Australia or New Zealand and feel it would broaden my experience (as a nurse-newly qualified).

I just cant bear the thought of leaving my fella, I hate even being apart for a few days, we've been mates for 4 years and dating 18months but a part of me kinda figures "I'm not settling down so why not go" but the other part shrinks away from the idea of us being apart....

I love him to pieces and have spent years trying to find someone as wonderful as he is. I know he'd be miserable too from our talking it over.
Any of you Ladies Loungers ever come up against this?
sorry if its a relationship issue and feel free to move.... cheers!

quietobserver

been on the opposite side of this situation, and it turned out to be the best thing to happen, what you will learn about yourself will make you stronger.

for my pennys worth,

make YOUR own decisions for your reasons, not for the fact someone else would be in pieces.
follow your dreams and all will work out as is to be. an outer journey an inner discovery

valery

yes

Crumble Froo

yep, i could, but i'd miss him. if i know it's just for a couple of months, and it's something i really really want to do... then i'd probably do it.

granted, we've done the long distance thing before, it's how we started, and i had to move to new zealand to be with him. but it's fun to change scenery, routines, and broaden your horizons. whatever about leaving my boyfriend, but it nearly bloody killed me to leave my friends in ireland, and while ive had more than one day spent crying and wishing i'd never left (or, that i could magically transport everyone over here), the experience of living here has been amazing and at the end of hte day, they're only ever a phonecall/instant message/text/facebook/skype away... same with you and your fella.

especially, seeing as it's a 3-6months thing, i reckon you should go for it. the 6 months will fly and you can at least have the safe knowledge that he'll be there waiting when you come back.

KiLLeR CoUCh

Hmmm.... Maybe. I was never much of a traveller so the whole year abroad thing doesn't appeal to me as much as it would other people. That said, if I got the opertunity to work a few months abroad in something I loved I'd probably go, but only on the promise he'd come and visit =P

Aurora Borealis

I think most solid relationships could take a few months apart anyway. It's never a good idea to put your own ambitions or dreams on hold for anyone. Talk it through with him. I'd do it I think and would hope whoever I was with would be cool with it. I would be open to someone I was with, and wanted to stay with, doing it too.

Pythia

No. I would enjoy the experience most if he was there. I'd be prepared to wait until a time that suits us both.

Lorrs33

I'm not sure. I was away for him for a week in July, after he was away for two weeks just before that, so it was pretty bad, but maybe that's because we're still in the early stages of the relationship. I guess when I see myself travelling, I see him coming with me. Young love

R.D. aka MR.D

I was on the other end too and it was great. We both learned so much about each other and we're a stronger couple for it.

He knows i'd never hold him back from anything and i know that life goes on without him!

But it definitly helped that there was an end in site. i couldn't have done it indefintly.

tatabubbly

I'd probably try to but i'd cry for a day or two!

It will make you stronger as a couple! I did the long distance thing when i was in college, hated being apart but it just makes you apprechiate each other more..

kaykay27

i actually did it at the start of this year- was made redundant and had the opportunity to head off for 4 months debt free- he had no interest in going and knew if i didnt go i never would and would prob hold it against him- dont get me wrong it was hard but the fact that there was an end in sight did help- also skype was a god send.

Edgedinblue

bring him with ya! recently ive decided im going off to canada after college to work, bf is supporting my decision and coming with me!

Saibh

I think you should go for it. If you look back in a few years time and didn't go, would you regret it?
Maybe he could meet up with you during your time aboard for a holiday.

sleepyescapade

I am going out with my OH for almost 7 months and he is off to the States permanently at the end of this month. Don't know how it will go but I am quite sad about it. Plenty of trips to the US ahead hopefully.

gavney

I'm a guy- so don't know if I'm allowed post here, but anyway!

I hear alot of people with this same dilemma, and my take on it is that you might end up resenting your bf if you don't do what you want for his sake.

My sister was going out with a guy for about 2 years in her early 20s, and they were a great couple. She then moved to London for work, so they broke up. He then moved to Australia for a while. Then, they both moved back to Ireland about 5 years ago. Got back together and now they're very happily married and she's expecting her second child any day now!

I just think that if he really is the only one for you, and vice versa, then if you move away and come back, you would naturally want to get back together. If not, then you've obviously found someone else. Either way, you're happy!

gavney

wait, just realised you're only going for a few months and aren't thinking of breaking up. My post above may be irrelevant, sorry!

Aurora Borealis

I reckon it still kinda stands Gavney in that if the connection/attraction... is that strong it'll stand the test of time anyway and I agree.

Novella

I don't think you should ever let another person stop you from doing something you really wanna do and feel would be beneficial in your life. You have to live with your life choices forever, no matter what, the same can't be said for men.

That being said, I'm not the most romantic person!

Aurora Borealis

I think if you're together for the right reasons and want the best for each other you'll figure out a way that works even if it does mean a few months of skyping to get you by.

SeekUp

Like Crumble Froo, our relationship stared out long-distance, including an around-the-world trip (for him). We did the calls and visits, and I don't think we regret any part of it at all.

I wouldn't voluntarily be apart from him now, though. It'd be one thing if I felt the need to leave and go and do and see, but I don't -- at least not without him. We've been living together for about a year now and discussing different aspects of our future, and all of our future plans include each other.

That being said, if it's only for a few months, it'd definitely doable. It's like an extended holiday of sorts, and there'd be a benefit if you could work somewhere else temporarily whereas you aren't working at home. It's important, though, that you both be comfortable with the decision, as if affects you both.

Haru

If it's only for a limited period, it won't affect you as much as if you didn't know when you'd be coming back. A few months is definitely bearable, especially if done for a good reason.

all_smilz

God i definitely dont wanna break up with him. He's the best. He just hasnt got the interest to come on a travelling work holiday as his health isnt the best.
I dont know what i'll do yet.
Maybe if i plan on going in a years time and he has time to get used to it and I wont feel like i'm being cruel. Plus he will have a chance to save to come visit me.... I just dont want to be out of work til then.

thanks for all the input so far.

supermouse

I am currently in Australia, left the boyfriend at home. We were travelling for a few months then went our separate ways. We broke up last month because long-distance is very tough on us.
I am having a brilliant time. Experience lots, meeting loads of people, have a long way around the world to get home and im so excited! I miss him terribly, its like a dull ache but im trying my very best to give it 100% here.
We're gonna meet up when i come back and then see how things go - if anything, being away has made me appreciate him all the more.
Who knows what the next 6 months will bring either of us. I know from past experience, i had to do this. If i didnt, i'd resent him/myself for ever!

SM x

Lockstep

*interjection*


I know Dubai is a popular place to go, but just putting it out there that it has a seriously dark underside to it (lad I know went there, was horrified by the place)

http://www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/johann-hari/the-dark-side-of-dubai-1664368.html

This

I honestly dont think so.
3 weeks in spain without him was long enough. I didnt miss him madly or i didnt have a terrible time, but when stuff happened or i saw stuff which i thought he would enjoy, it was a little bit of a downer that he wasnt there.


I got a job in canada and he was gonna come with me, but he has a few lose ends to tie up here so we are putting it off for a while. Hes my future and I want him to be a part of everything. maybe its slefish.

This

I honestly dont think so.
3 weeks in spain without him was long enough. I didnt miss him madly or i didnt have a terrible time, but when stuff happened or i saw stuff which i thought he would enjoy, it was a little bit of a downer that he wasnt there.


I got a job in canada and he was gonna come with me, but he has a few lose ends to tie up here so we are putting it off for a while. Hes my future and I want him to be a part of everything. maybe its slefish.

MJOR

no i couldn't.

all_smilz

I'm in carlow now for the night and i'm texting him cos i wish he was here. :-)