Any guys good with girls?

Copper23

Hi,

Are there any guys out there that would consider themselves to be ok with girls, like approaching and chatting or whatever?

I'm a bit clueless and was wondering if any guys oout there might be willing to maybe talk or pm to help out a little?

Thanks!

Skuxx

Hey man, I'd b willing to talk to you if you want, don't get my wrong i'm no genious with the ladies but I consider myself ok!

Wibbs

Can you talk to people in general? If so what stops or hinders you in talking with women? If not then start there and try to engage randomers in small talk. How ya. Jayzuz the weather/government/dope celeb/etc Eh?

With women throw out the romance stuff for the moment, it's likely clouding your head and making you second guess yourself. Just concentrate on talking, getting comfortable, even getting comfortable with being blown out the odd time. Don't sweat that. Women are like sharks teeth. One falls out and another one is right behind it to take it's place. Same goes for women looking for men. 50% of the population are women(and men), so we've all got the odds in our favour.

If you meet a particular woman, don't go overboard with emotional stuff off the bat. Don't spill you guts so to speak. Leave some mystery and interest to build. It's good for both. You'll know enough about each other soon enough.

Look to yourself first. Are you interesting as a person? More to the point do you think you're interesting as a person? I've met a shed load of people over the years and some I liked some I couldn't abide, but even then every single one of them had something. Something that made them stand out. They were interesting and were telling their own story. Own your own story and build on it. Increase your social circle. Don't turn down chances to mingle. You never know what will come up.

That's where I would start anyway.

Skuxx

Yeah I totally agree with all that! Best way to meet women is at classes or groups! I wouldn't reccommend clubs cause women are getting hit on constantly there and have their guard up which makes it difficult! A nice relaxed atmosphere is what you need!

Copper23

well ive tried those things but I dont seem to come across a lot of single girlsmy age doing night classes and stuff.

I think I'm an ok guy but yeah, find it hard to be interesting or make an impression off the bat... like if you got to know me but in the first few seconds its difficult to impress that way, i dont really get the chance.

Agent J

They are people too. Treat them as such.

Also in my personal experience trying to impress comes accross as being insincere.
Nothing wrong with being confident but above all else be genuine.

My 2 cent.

Copper23

I know, its just breaking the ice in a manner tht she'd be open to a chat? I find it very difficult.

Wibbs

Youre bound to get the "just be yourself" trotted out, which in my humble is a crock and useless advice from a practical standpoint even when it's really genuinely well intentioned. If it worked no one would have any issues.

I would say, be the best you you can be. The rest follows on. Don't worry about making that first impression. That very worry stops you doing so.

Also remember this, there are compete morons of blokes out there. Any of the women here will tell you these eejits are not exactly in danger of going extinct. That's an advantage you have. You're willing to learn and be a better man. That's a gold star in your copybook right there.

Remember too that because of the proportion of eejits is high out there, women, who have been hit on by every type of guy from a very early age(more than any man can imagine) are well clued up in spotting them. Again if you're a good man with good intentions they will pick that up. The ones who don't are usually going through a similar dodgy phase themselves. You don't want them anyway, unless psychiatry is a personal interest of yours...

I'm sure you have good mates in your life. Well they like you. They find you interesting. They would lose something from their lives if you weren't in it, right? OK well then just think that the people you meet, including women have yet to know this, but if they do, they'll like you, find you interesting, will want to know more and would be the lesser for not having you in their lives.

The times in my life I had no hope with women? and I mean no hope. I mean I could have waltzed into the biggest whorehouse in the world with a blank cheque and come out sucking my thumb hopeless. Those times I was all over the place within myself. I was looking for solutions outside myself, when the solutions where much closer to home. The times when I enjoyed interest from people including romantic interest from women? I was much more content with myself and I really didn't care if no one else got that. I was just me, a true content happy in my skin me. Take me or leave me.

Get to that point and you will have no shortage of women who want to be around you and they would be dead right too.

starchild

there is some great advice in the previous posts and i dont have much extra to add to that

I would however suggest if you are having no success in meeting women, you could always try a reputable dating agency, there is probably a slight stigma attached but in my opinion dating agencys are a little like a nightclub with no drink

It would put you into a situation where you are meeting girls who are interested in meeting guys with a view to a relationship.

Copper23

Does such a thing exist starchild?

starchild

yes a friend of mine got married to a girl he met through a dating agency a couple of years ago, obviously not everyone ends up going out with someone or getting married but it may be something worth pursuing.

Im sure there are some listed in golden pages but as to who is reputable and who is not im unsure of, perhaps someone else on here may be able to help

Mackman

I used to be the same as you OP, i was single for a couple of years. And i wasn't very good at meeting/chatting up women. So i gave up. When i went out, i didnt even try, just had a laugh with my mates, totally casual, relaxed. And through that i met new circles of people and new women, it was great.

I guess what im saying is just relax, and have a good time. Most women, in my experience, find this more attractive than someone using some cheesy chat up line.

petethebrick

I do ok with the ladies and to be honest meet most of them at pubs in town when im out with mates. Usually score easier when there are just two of us out!
We'll usually head to certain pubs just because we know they're be a lot of women there. A lot of these bars are crap by nature => Obviously not all the time -sometimes just wanna head out with mates to decent places!

I don't go around the pub trying it on with girls - I just try and get talking to girls i like when the opportunity presents itself eg sitting at next table, waiting at the bar, in smoking area etc - just try to play it natural.
I haven't developed many long term relationships with girls i've met in bars but it's a lot of fun.

Copper23

How do you striek up conversation like rthat?

I know it sounds ridiculous but if you just say Hi, I'm X, or say do you come here often you're gonna just sound like a lame loser. Surely you need to be a little different or interesting and I don't know.

Thanks guys,

I apreciate the help. I don't wanna be a super player but If I could get a number or maybe meet up with a girl I know it'd make me feel so much better about myself.

PhysiologyRocks

Just talk to a girl as you'd talk to a guy. Anything else could well come across as creepy.

Also, I'm a girl and I don't believe in the idea of being "good with girls". It's not like being good with dogs!!!

Topic-wise, well if you have to struggle to strike up a conversation with a particular girl, then you're probably not compatible with her anyway. Keeping it general could allow her to direct the conversation, though, and many people would appreciate that.

I hope you have better luck in the future.

Copper23

Yeah, I know, what your all saying really makes sense its just that when I do go up to a girl and try to talk then you are approaching from nowhere so they are already on the backfoot and no matter what I say, usually just hi, or aska a question or something seems to have them taken aback like why are you talking to me.

I'm not in a circle where I naturally have lots of single girls around me so I'd have to approach girls I don't know.

Its very awkward.Everything you all say makes sense but I dont know why it doesnt work well for me.

PhysiologyRocks

Where are you approaching these girls?

Copper23

like in a pub or a club...

I know, please don't say its a horrible place, I know its not easy but more people get dates that way than walking up to someone in the street or joining a football team so thats why.

PhysiologyRocks

I wouldn't say it's horrible, but I can see why it wouldn't work.

I also take your point about other places.

I'd probably never meet a guy from a night out, though. I've never met anyone that way. It just doesn't feel right.

Expanding your circle of friends might be somewhere to start, which is where joining a club could help. Meeting people through people is fairly commonplace. The more people you know, the better your chances are.

Copper23

I dont know, dont have the social circle or a means of getting it. I'm not terrible but I just dont have the wide ranging circle of friends you all have.

I have no choice put to learn to meet girls on my own.

PhysiologyRocks

You don't need a wide circle, but expanding it really could help.

It's not the most difficult thing to do.

Even tagging along on certain occasions might be good.

Make sure you talk to everyone you possibly can. You never know who knows whom. And even if they know nobody, new friends can be great anyway.

BumbleB

Go speedating,
It's a great buzz , probably wont meet the love of your life but who knows ! plus meeting 15+ women in one night will desensitize you to the approach.

mormank

The single most important thing to remember when talking to women is that you have to be able to fake sincerity!!!! FACT!!

Wibbs

Meh, why fake it? Far easier to have it.

toddster

When approaching girls in clubs etc just smile and be friendly, comment on what there wearing but not in a sleazy way. Honestly, don't aim too high in terms of the girls you hit on. In my experience the better looking the more unfriendly, uglier girls are more appreciative of you coming over and making an effort with them, you could nearly practice your chatup skills with them before you move on to prettier fields. Internet is an option but I'd imagine few women in their early twenties would be on it.

Wibbs

toddster wrote: »

In my experience the better looking the more unfriendly, uglier girls are more appreciative of you coming over and making an effort with them, you could nearly practice your chatup skills with them before you move on to prettier fields

Or because you think you've got more of a chance with the "uglier" women, you come across as more confident and relaxed.

LegacyUser

toddster wrote: »

When approaching girls in clubs etc just smile and be friendly, comment on what there wearing but not in a sleazy way. Honestly, don't aim too high in terms of the girls you hit on. In my experience the better looking the more unfriendly, uglier girls are more appreciative of you coming over and making an effort with them, you could nearly practice your chatup skills with them before you move on to prettier fields. Internet is an option but I'd imagine few women in their early twenties would be on it.

I have to say this worked for me and I'm a girl. I used to be nervous talking to men, but I practised with ugly men until I built up the confidence to talk to good looking men.
I'm dating man a now whom I would've considered out of my league two years ago : )

Copper23

thank you for all the help.

I still can't imagine walking over to people l dont know and having a valid reason to talk to them or what to say or do. Im realy bad at this.

Even the thought of approaching a girl has me a mess.

LegacyUser

Copper23 wrote: »

thank you for all the help.

I still can't imagine walking over to people l dont know and having a valid reason to talk to them or what to say or do. Im realy bad at this.

Even the thought of approaching a girl has me a mess.

You sound like a nice, caring guy. So you already have a headstart on those men who're just out for what they can get (and there are a good few!!)
Don't forget that everyone has confidence crises, you're not alone there. Realise your strengths, use positive statements when you describe yourself instead of negative statements (like the negative statement in your post above). Would you be so quick to say that a friend of yours is 'really bad at talking to girls'? Give yourself a break first of all, and then try talking to women

LegacyUser

Copper23 wrote: »

thank you for all the help.

I still can't imagine walking over to people l dont know and having a valid reason to talk to them or what to say or do. Im realy bad at this.

Even the thought of approaching a girl has me a mess.

You already have a valid reason to talk to them, because you feel like it. You are putting other people's value above your own. NO ONE IS ABOVE YOU.

Go over and say you you looked cute so I had to come over and chat you up. Then roll on into normal conversation. Remember you will have to do most of the conversation to begin with. You want to get them doing more of the talking than you.

LegacyUser

I know what you mean about the initial daunting experience of approaching a girl so the simplest way around it is let her come to you. The smoking section is the best place for talking in a club and I'd say 50% of conversations in one are between people who don't know eachother. If a girl you like the look of ends up beside you while you're out there on a normal night then spark up a conversation. That way the whole daunting approach is eliminated because she came to you- simple!

After that you're worried about what to talk about- So then make her do all the talking. Ask her her name, then say "and what do you get up to when you're not out and about?" Prompt her by going "College, work?"

Then when she tells you just say "And whats that like?" There's no way in hell you won't be able to relate to her answer cause she'll either love it or hate it. If she loves it then you start telling her about something you do that you love, if she hates it then you start telling her about something you hate but relate it to what she says as in you hate the hours like she does i.e. if she hates her boss don't start telling her how much you hate Fianna Fail, its not the same thing!

Better yet if you know a story, or heard a story involving something related in anyway to what she does throw that in and ask her for her opinion.

At this point you'll have gotten about 5 minutes of convo out of ehr and you'll know yourself how well its flowing. If it's going great then by all means stick aorund. If iot's going ok just say "well nice talking to you" and mosey back inside, you can always catch her again later and it gives you breathing space to have a think about something else you can bring up and it takes pressure off you to keep the convo going there and then.

Apart from that be as funny as you can and don't bother lying you'll tie yourself up in knots. Just keep her talking as much as possible and there is a lot to be said for starting with girls you don't find attractive initially to build your confidence.

dogbert27

Okay, pubs and clubs. Walking up cold to a girl in a pub or club never really works.

Start of with trying to make eye contact. You know the quick look and look away stuff, not the creepy longing stare thing!
If you get eye contact back, smile. If she smiles back ice is broken. Then be patient.
Either wait for her to go to the bar and go at the same time or if things are really going in your favour if you go the the bar she might follow you.
Then just say hi and introduce yourself. I think you should always give your name first before asking hers as it makes you sound more assured of yourself.
Never ask do you come here often! When you start talking think sense of humour, sense of humour sense of humour! People aren't in pubs and clubs at the weekend to have serious conversations, they want a good time so try to be funny and make her laugh.

Another thing to consider is what you wear. Do you wear the same kind of clothes going out every weekend? One of the best nights out I've had was when I left the afters of a wedding early and met my friends in town. I was still wearing my suit and a lot of girls started talking to me and fiddling with my tie just because of the clothes. I'm not saying go out every weekend in a suit but try it one weekend. If anybody asks why you're wearing a suit say you just left the afters of a wedding! I don't know about you or others here but I always feel more confident in a suit.

LegacyUser

I'm the exact same.

I get really pannicy when I'm out. Try really hard to calm down, think of a few things to say before I go out (even if thats a bad thing some people say), just so I won't freak and have nothing to say but when I'm ther, nobody comes near me.

And if I somehow ended up near someone, what would I do or say? I can't move or say a thing. Its a real problem.

Jaeger 90

If you have to ask for advice then I say its destined for failure and your probably better off pursuing other things.

Natural hormones and instincts dictate our mating success its not something you can learn, I know plenty of people in their 40's never had a girlfriend yet they're as content to stay in with the playstation for the night as anyone else, so don't obsess over it your life will be as fulfilled alone as with someone so long as you're content.

LegacyUser

Disagree with Jeager.

I know a guy that has a one night stand every night he goes out. He's nothing special looking, he is just gifted at talking to women. Are you say8ing there's something special about his hormones that made girls want to have sex with him every weekend?

The more you approach grils the more success you will have. It's simple law of averages. Then as you get more practice and experience your success rate will improve.

Friendly / cheeky in a fun way and confident gets 'em every time, if they're up for it.

Copper23

Guys,
Ok, this sounds lame but I'm just in tears all today. Was out over weekend, went to some nice pubs and a rteally cool club both nights.

There were so many girls out and lots of them were so beautiful.
I tried one or two of those PUA type tactics to try and get talking... ask a question to them or something but it just doesn't work. I just get the "why the hell are you asking us this..." kinda look or it goes nowhere.


I just CAN'T approach girls anymore. Its just making my life hell. I have no idea what to do or say and its killing me and I'm so bad at small talk I just can't jump in the middle of a group of girls and try chatting. Its not in me.

There were 100's of gorgeous girls out and not one single one of them would ever look at me, I mean, when I was younger I'd think, hey wait a few years you'll be able to get these girls too..... ow its later and I know now that I will NEVER get a nice girl like I see and it actually makes me feel ill and depressed just seeing a bunch ofnice girls now as it sums up how useless my life is.

What am I going to do??? :(

LD 50

Pick yourself back up, put a smile on your face, and forget about that night. No big deal. Try again a different night. As has been said in the thread, you're going to get rejected a couple of times, maybe even alot. But its all just practice. That night was just practice at having girls not being interested. And the easier you can brush off their rejection, the better it is for you. And you never know, one of these girls might come up to you one night, in which case you can give her the boot.

What were the type's of things you were saying to them?

Kimono-Girl

Copper23 wrote: »

Guys,
Ok, this sounds lame but I'm just in tears all today. Was out over weekend, went to some nice pubs and a rteally cool club both nights.

There were so many girls out and lots of them were so beautiful.
I tried one or two of those PUA type tactics to try and get talking... ask a question to them or something but it just doesn't work. I just get the "why the hell are you asking us this..." kinda look or it goes nowhere.


I just CAN'T approach girls anymore. Its just making my life hell. I have no idea what to do or say and its killing me and I'm so bad at small talk I just can't jump in the middle of a group of girls and try chatting. Its not in me.

There were 100's of gorgeous girls out and not one single one of them would ever look at me, I mean, when I was younger I'd think, hey wait a few years you'll be able to get these girls too..... ow its later and I know now that I will NEVER get a nice girl like I see and it actually makes me feel ill and depressed just seeing a bunch ofnice girls now as it sums up how useless my life is.

What am I going to do??? :(

first of all define 'nice girls' because imo they dont exist!

if you were to ask some people they would say i'm not a 'nice' girl, if you were to ask my OH, my family, my friends...etc i the nicest girl in the world....its relative depending on your experiances of someone and when in their life you came into it...

so stop looking for the 'nice' girls, and start looking for the everyday girls...

secondly gorgeous or not it's personality that counts, you never know they COULD be interested in the same things they might not, it's a case of trial and error...and as for they 'never' look at me they probably do, a wise man once told me that the 'decent' guys were those out for a laugh with their friends standing in the dark corner in a nightclub looking at you from a distance too afraid to approach you, he was right i found my oh in a dark corner of a nightclub...girls are much the same they will stand around (not so much in dark corners)and look around....so make yourself stand out from the crowd before they think you are just another guy trying to impress them...

and thirdly what you are going to do is stop evaluating your life by women! evaluate it by the things you do, the way you act and who you are! they are whats important and they are what will attract the right person in the end...after all you rarely get things right first time around, make your mistakes with gorgeous girls learn from them and don't be afraid of failing becase in life you need to fail to move forward.

Mackman

Copper23 wrote: »

Guys,
Ok, this sounds lame but I'm just in tears all today. Was out over weekend, went to some nice pubs and a rteally cool club both nights.

There were so many girls out and lots of them were so beautiful.
I tried one or two of those PUA type tactics to try and get talking... ask a question to them or something but it just doesn't work. I just get the "why the hell are you asking us this..." kinda look or it goes nowhere.


I just CAN'T approach girls anymore. Its just making my life hell. I have no idea what to do or say and its killing me and I'm so bad at small talk I just can't jump in the middle of a group of girls and try chatting. Its not in me.

There were 100's of gorgeous girls out and not one single one of them would ever look at me, I mean, when I was younger I'd think, hey wait a few years you'll be able to get these girls too..... ow its later and I know now that I will NEVER get a nice girl like I see and it actually makes me feel ill and depressed just seeing a bunch ofnice girls now as it sums up how useless my life is.

What am I going to do??? :(

Dude, as LD 50 said, gotta forget about that night and move on. Any girl that responds with the "Why the hell are you talking to us?" look is probably some stuck p b***h who has an ego the size of Wicklow, and believe me your probably lucky you escaped that one.

Any girl that is girlfriend material, will respond like a decent human being, its a lot of trial and error, but it does happen. And for the love of god, dont do the whole PUA thing, its pathetic. Just be yourself.
Go in with the mindset that your just looking for a chat, a decent conversation, and thats it. Dont go in thinking about scoring, cause that'll only mess your head up and you wont be able to relax.

Nervous Wreck

Jaeger 90 wrote: »

If you have to ask for advice then I say its destined for failure and your probably better off pursuing other things.

Natural hormones and instincts dictate our mating success its not something you can learn, I know plenty of people in their 40's never had a girlfriend yet they're as content to stay in with the playstation for the night as anyone else, so don't obsess over it your life will be as fulfilled alone as with someone so long as you're content.

Bull. That kinda stuff works in the wild, sure, but human beings are social creatures and, as such, our mating successes/failures depend just as much (far more in the long-term) on social dynamics (eg. status, confidence, social framing, conversational skills, intelligence etc etc). Learning to master your own dynamic and apply it to a social situation is not only doable, but vital.

Copper23 wrote: »

Guys,
Ok, this sounds lame but I'm just in tears all today. Was out over weekend, went to some nice pubs and a rteally cool club both nights.

There were so many girls out and lots of them were so beautiful.
I tried one or two of those PUA type tactics to try and get talking... ask a question to them or something but it just doesn't work. I just get the "why the hell are you asking us this..." kinda look or it goes nowhere.


I just CAN'T approach girls anymore. Its just making my life hell. I have no idea what to do or say and its killing me and I'm so bad at small talk I just can't jump in the middle of a group of girls and try chatting. Its not in me.

There were 100's of gorgeous girls out and not one single one of them would ever look at me, I mean, when I was younger I'd think, hey wait a few years you'll be able to get these girls too..... ow its later and I know now that I will NEVER get a nice girl like I see and it actually makes me feel ill and depressed just seeing a bunch ofnice girls now as it sums up how useless my life is.

What am I going to do??? :(

Chill out man. Don't worry about it. So your cold approach didn't work? It's 5 seconds of embarrassment that you can let yourself forget in the next 10. If someone gives you a funny or angry look just because you have the balls to go talk to her (and it does take balls, my friend), then she's not the kinda person you wanna be talking to. Last time I remember this happening to me, the conversation went something along the lines of.

"Hey, what's your name?"
"What?" *glare*
"I said, what's your name?" *already feeling less optimistic*
"Sandra."
"Nice to meet you, Sandra, I'm Sean." (You can see how this is already stilted)
"Cool." *cold*
"What dya do?" *feigning conversation now cos my mate was chatting up her's*
"College." *icy!*
"Well........ You're pretty boring Sandra." *walks off*


Who comes off as the pathetic one in this situation? Surely not me for striking up a conversation and being friendly. If someone wants to be an ice-queen, then f*ck them, it doesn't reflect on you at all.

Shout me a PM if you want a little nudge in the right direction man. I'm by no means a cassanova, but if I know one thing, it's confidence. Get in touch.

scanlas

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Bull. That kinda stuff works in the wild, sure, but human beings are social creatures and, as such, our mating successes/failures depend just as much (far more in the long-term) on social dynamics (eg. status, confidence, social framing, conversational skills, intelligence etc etc). Learning to master your own dynamic and apply it to a social situation is not only doable, but vital.




Chill out man. Don't worry about it. So your cold approach didn't work? It's 5 seconds of embarrassment that you can let yourself forget in the next 10. If someone gives you a funny or angry look just because you have the balls to go talk to her (and it does take balls, my friend), then she's not the kinda person you wanna be talking to. Last time I remember this happening to me, the conversation went something along the lines of.

"Hey, what's your name?"
"What?" *glare*
"I said, what's your name?" *already feeling less optimistic*
"Sandra."
"Nice to meet you, Sandra, I'm Sean." (You can see how this is already stilted)
"Cool." *cold*
"What dya do?" *feigning conversation now cos my mate was chatting up her's*
"College." *icy!*
"Well........ You're pretty boring Sandra." *walks off*


Who comes off as the pathetic one in this situation? Surely not me for striking up a conversation and being friendly. If someone wants to be an ice-queen, then f*ck them, it doesn't reflect on you at all.

Shout me a PM if you want a little nudge in the right direction man. I'm by no means a cassanova, but if I know one thing, it's confidence. Get in touch.

Whats important is not what you say first, but your reaction to her reaction.

Your reaction to her reaction was bad ( you say you already felt less optimistic), she could see that in you. It's her gut reaction then not to open up to you, the same way it's your gut reaction to ignore beggars without thinking about it. Don't judge it. Next time talk to her the same way you would talk to an old friend. Don't appear phased ( or better yet don't be phased) by her reaction, continue talking as if she is being friendly to you. She will open up. It's attractive not to be emotionally affected by other people's opinions reactions etc... You clearly were emotionally affected. When you are emotionally unaffected She will think "there's something about that guy, I can't put my finger on it". That's why it's nearly impossible to get good advice from women on being attracitve, they don't know most of the time the subtleties that causes attraction in them.

She might even give advice saying you should be funny, of course when you are emotionally unaffected by her it's very easy to be funny, everything is funny to her. She gets the cause and effect mixed up.

Jaeger 90

Mackman wrote: »

Dude, as LD 50 said, gotta forget about that night and move on. Any girl that responds with the "Why the hell are you talking to us?" look is probably some stuck p b***h who has an ego the size of Wicklow, and believe me your probably lucky you escaped that one.

Any girl that is girlfriend material, will respond like a decent human being, its a lot of trial and error, but it does happen. And for the love of god, dont do the whole PUA thing, its pathetic. Just be yourself.
Go in with the mindset that your just looking for a chat, a decent conversation, and thats it. Dont go in thinking about scoring, cause that'll only mess your head up and you wont be able to relax.

What patronizing horseshit - who's to say they weren't decent people, Bursting into a group of girls he's never met talking some cheesy crap and expecting them to come home with you??

He's clearly batting out of his league and reeks of desperation. It only reiterates my previous point, especially that he's actually spent the day crying from it.

Nervous Wreck

scanlas wrote: »

Whats important is not what you say first, but your reaction to her reaction.

Your reaction to her reaction was bad ( you say you already felt less optimistic), she could see that in you. It's her gut reaction then not to open up to you, the same way it's your gut reaction to ignore beggars without thinking about it. Don't judge it. Next time talk to her the same way you would talk to an old friend. Don't appear phased ( or better yet don't be phased) by her reaction, continue talking as if she is being friendly to you. She will open up. It's attractive not to be emotionally affected by other people's opinions reactions etc... You clearly were emotionally affected. When you are emotionally unaffected She will think "there's something about that guy, I can't put my finger on it". That's why it's nearly impossible to get good advice from women on being attracitve, they don't know most of the time the subtleties that causes attraction in them.

She might even give advice saying you should be funny, of course when you are emotionally unaffected by her it's very easy to be funny, everything is funny to her. She gets the cause and effect mixed up.

Haha, I wasn't looking for advice dude. I was relating a story in which I approached someone, it didn't work out and I let it roll off my back cos it's not something that one should allow to affect them deeply. Thanks anyway though.

LegacyUser

hey im female..in relation to what you say, id like to think im friendly... Offhand tho there was this one time recently where i was dancing and some guy came dancing next to me and you could tell he wasnt comfortable and thats fine. but then he had a friend next to him and he was egging on the nervous dude to make a move...the friend was soo blatantly obvious and it all just got so awkward..and i remember thinking that it was bad form on my part but tbh i couldnt handle the friend pushing the guy to make a move..so i just moved..

so i guess maybe just be a lil conscious of your friends as well...im all up for the banter and dancing with randoms..and who knows after...but a friend pushing a guy to make a move on a girl is just uncomfortable for everyone

Mackman

Jaeger 90 wrote: »

What patronizing horseshit - who's to say they weren't decent people, Bursting into a group of girls he's never met talking some cheesy crap and expecting them to come home with you??

He's clearly batting out of his league and reeks of desperation. It only reiterates my previous point, especially that he's actually spent the day crying from it.

A little common courtesy and respect from them would be nice, Its not too hard to turn a guy down nicely, they dont have to treat him like **** just because they "think" they're out of his league :rolleyes:

slipss

I'm hardly the best looking guy in the world or the most confident when it comes to meeting girls but I seem to do reasonably well for myself with girls, alot better than the majority of people I know. I think most have this has been said OP but I just thought I'd re-iterate the bits I feel are worth repeating.

First off girls can tell when you are a bit desperate or lacking confidence (we're all a bit desperate from time to time, and we all doubt ourselves on occasions when dealing with the oppisite sex, anyone that says otherwise is lying, so don't sweat that). I'd advise you to, when striking conversations up with girls is to say to yourself that you're just going to try to get to know a bit about them, completely put the idea of trying to "pull" them. Treat this like you would if you met a bloke and tried to get to know him, introduce yourself, start chatting, ask them what they do for a living ect, whatever you'd normally ask some bloke ye got talking to at a bus stop or whatever.

Try to keep the focus on them, on finding out about them, what they do, what they like, ect. If you think it would help then sit down and try to think up a bunch of questions before hand that you would ask somone you met that you thought was the most interesting person in the world, someone you wanted to know everything about, but keep it light and conversational. Really listen to thier awnsers, if they are in college, ask them what they study, they say graphic design, ask them what it's like why they got into it. Maybe you're in college too, that's one thing in common you have to talk about. Maybe you never went to college, well then you can let them know that and you have a whole bunch of new questions to ask them since you never had the experience. The say the like Metallica, if you do to, tell them so, tell them your favourite song/album ask them what theres is. If you know nothing about Metallica, tell them so, ask them to recommend some of there stuff.

Also react how you would to how the person reacted if it was just some random bloke you got talking to at the bar waiting to get served. If they just give you short snappy awnsers and seem like they don't want to talk, say to yourself "fukk it so, they're obviously and asshole" and don't think any more about it, some girls (and guys) are genuinly just pricks and would respond the same no matter who was talking to them, don't take it personally, 99% of the time it's them with the problem, not you.

Secondly, if you catch someones eye {make eye contact} then hold eye contact for a second {don't stare} and smile, if they smile back, then that's always a good sign. Just walk over {if you happened to have been walking in thier direction} and try to make conversation {see the above paragraphs}. If you are walking in a diferent direction don't suddenly make a 120 degree turn and head for them, keep heading wherever you were going and then on your way back stroll over to them.

Third, dress well. If you have no fashion sense (I don't in the slightest, to me clothes are just something to keep the breeze of my arse) go shopping with someone who does. Anytime I buy new cloths I either have my sister or my friend Ciara, both seem to know a decent bit about fashion, pick them out of a catologue for me or bring one of my friends that seem to know there stuff. You'd be amazed at how much of a difference clothes that look well on you makes to how girls react to you "it's the clothes that make the man" and all that. To go along with that, hygene is paramount, shower everyday, twice a day if you need to, keep toe and fingernails short and clean, brush you teeth frequently, keep your hair in check ect (but I'm sure you don't need to be told that.

Finally man, don't feel you have to rush things and try not to despair if things don't happen as fast as you want. You posted this thread took some advice and then through all hope out the window when things didn't happen for you right away. Put any kind of a timescale out of your head and for the time being just enjoy talking to new people and becoming comfortable with it. seriously pal if I can end up with some of the girls I've ended up with the last few years, there's hope for everyone, just give it time and try not to force anything.

Copper23

Thanks thats all good but that assumes someone will talk to you!?!?

Do you just walk over to someone randomly and how do you break to ice. If I did, I'm looked at like what the hell are you doing, might get 2 sentences in before they realise what I am and lose interest.

I can't get into any conversation with someone at all. I'm just there, on my own, nobody comes near. I really dont understand this, what would make someone want to have a chat with me and stick around for a minute to see I'm ok.

dogbert27

Are you going out by yourself or are you with friends?

Copper23

friends but they'll be off meeting people themselves.

dogbert27

Right. Are they successful at picking up girls?

Copper23

Yeah and no, tend to go by the moto "half 2 anything will do"... I don't like being like that.