What do I do?

LegacyUser

Cut a long story short, me and my fella had a blazing drunken row on Sunday, he spent the night at his parents to calm down. I was to blame for the whole thing, I got rat arsed and started on him for no reason.

Anyway, when he was out, I text this lad who is a friend of a friend telling him I split up with him and does he want to come round for a sh*g. How stupid was I?

Now I am so worried he will find out through this mate who also happens to work with him, I told the lad to keep it quiet but never heard back. I was crying last night I felt so guilty. I wouldn't have gone through with it, I was just crazy on vodka.

I went to bed afterwards, I felt bad.

Now if my fella finds out, do I play dumb or do I admit it? I was so close to telling him last night but he was being so sweet to me despite the previous nights incident. He doesn't really have anything to do with this lad in particular so I am hoping he can let it go and not take it further by wanting to see his phone or something.

Should I just say I don't have a clue, I was too fu***d to text anyone anything and can't really recall the night or do I admit it? Please help me, I regret this so much and feel as if I actually have cheated. Cheating just isn't me at all.
Please don't go too hard on me.

SarahSassy

'Total Idiot' - correct on that one !!!

Just let it pass and dont say anything... You need to sort out your drinking though. Would also be morto in front of his parents cos he had to / chose to go home to sleep....

Figure out if you do want this guy or not and act accordingly.

LegacyUser

I think you'll have to take a chance & come clean with him as it will come out at some stage. Tell him exactly what you've said here. It'll be hard but it'll be worse if he hears another version from his mates.

Lady Muck

Oh dear. The main thing is you didn't do anything but had he said yes and come round, what would have happened? You say you had no intention of doing it but I am assuming he declined or did you tell him no? Would you have done it out of spite?

Your poor b/f. I would let it drop and if it does come up, then playing dumb is the best option and just hope to god this lad deletes his messages.

Delete the lad's number and put it down to a huge mistake. I agree about your drinking, if it controls you to that extent then you have a problem.

Terodil

Playing dumb is not going to work if he has an ounce of intelligence. Additionally, it will demean him even further than you already have.

The only choice IMO is to come clear and tell him about it before he finds out.

I don't know how I'd react tbh, I think for me it would be game over, but with this alternative there's at least a chance that I'd reconsider. If you treated me like stupid and lied to me I'd definitely not.

LegacyUser

total_idiot wrote: »

CI text this lad who is a friend of a friend telling him I split up with him and does he want to come round for a sh*g.

If some girl you barely know texts you out of the blue to come around for a sh*g, you're going to tell all your mates. Your boyfriend is going to find out about this.

LegacyUser

I feel so horrible. I didn't sleep at all last night, I feel sick, I can't eat.

I can't come clean, I am scared.

I have made such a stupid mistake, can I not pretend I can't remember anything? To be fair, I can't remember much after he went.

I really need to stop drinking. In all the years we have been together, this is the first time I have done anything like this.Well he is at work now with this lad's mate, I am dreading my phone ringing. Am so hoping he doesn't say anything.

Really don't know how to bring it up.

I nearly did it last night, I was crying my eyes out upstairs, luckily he never knew this. I really wanted to get it out but we had just made up over the arguement and he was being so lovely.

It is such a hard situation, if I bring it up there may be a chance he never knows, and if I leave it, he will most probably find out. What a horrible situation. I feel like I have cheated. Would you see it as cheating?

SarahSassy

What you did was very wrong but not technically cheating. In saying that if the guy I am living with did that, I would be gone quicker than lightening...

Lady Muck

caught wrote: »

If some girl you barely know texts you out of the blue to come around for a sh*g, you're going to tell all your mates. Your boyfriend is going to find out about this.

If he does find out and you can't bring yourself to tell him first then say something like I can't imagine why I would do that, I don't even like him etc. That way you aren't denying it but are more shocked and confused by it. Then you have a hell of a lot of making up to do.

Your b/f isn't stupid, this lad wouldn't randomly come out with it knowing you both had a domestic.

If you haven't heard anything by now then keep your fingers crossed.

Lady Muck

total_idiot wrote: »

I feel like I have cheated. Would you see it as cheating?

Put it into perspective, it could have been cheating if the arrangement came into fruition but it didn't. It was very much out of order and if you put yourself in his place, how would you feel? Would it be a deal breaker?

Learn from it, try not to let it eat you up. Just be thankful you saw sense when you did.

ManOfMystery

I'm not sure if you should say anything. Ordinarily, I'm all for being honest and upfront, but I think this will plant some seeds of doubt in your bf's head - i.e. why did you text this particular guy? Do you have history with him? Do you fancy him? etc.

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

I'm not sure if you should say anything. Ordinarily, I'm all for being honest and upfront, but I think this will plant some seeds of doubt in your bf's head - i.e. why did you text this particular guy? Do you have history with him? Do you fancy him? etc.

That is what I was thinking, it will damage us. I don't want a stupid drunken text to do that although I understand if it was the other way round, I would be furious but if nothing happened after that and he regretted it then I wouldn't really want to know.

The main thing is I regret it deeply and will never allow anything like this to happen again. I have had opportunities to cheat before but wouldn't dream of taking them up so why now?

I admit I used to have a little thing for this lad but nothing to write home about, I don't like him now at all.

Please tell me how to sort this if it comes up, what do I say? He will hit the roof.

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

I'm not sure if you should say anything. Ordinarily, I'm all for being honest and upfront, but I think this will plant some seeds of doubt in your bf's head - i.e. why did you text this particular guy? Do you have history with him? Do you fancy him? etc.

If you tell your boyfriend he will dump you, you cared so little for the relationship the second he walked out the door you were ordering up the next lad. Forget about the relationship, that also makes you look like not a nice person ie sl*t. You have totally humiliated him, if this gets out with people he knows he will never hear the end of it. Imagine him sitting around with his mates, one of them gets a text 'ah it's nothing, just John's bird looking for a sh*g'.

The only reason you should tell him is because it's the right thing to do and you should respect him enough to do it.
The reason you need to tell him is because he will find out about it, it's a text that will be talked about and he will find out eventually.

Tell him and see what he does.
Don't tell him live in fear until the day he finds out and dumps you.

Lady Muck

total_idiot wrote: »

That is what I was thinking, it will damage us. I don't want a stupid drunken text to do that although I understand if it was the other way round, I would be furious but if nothing happened after that and he regretted it then I wouldn't really want to know.

The main thing is I regret it deeply and will never allow anything like this to happen again. I have had opportunities to cheat before but wouldn't dream of taking them up so why now?

I admit I used to have a little thing for this lad but nothing to write home about, I don't like him now at all.

Please tell me how to sort this if it comes up, what do I say? He will hit the roof.

Maybe because of the arguing, you used this man as a boost. Maybe you knew deep down you wouldn't do it but wanted to see if he fancied you.

It is silly but you were drunk, people do silly things when they are drunk. You say this is the first time you have done anything, that will go in your favour. If he previously gave you a chance for something similar then I would worry but he hasn't.

You sound genuinely remorseful and going over it in your head isn't going to change anything.

Worst case scenario - "what is this about you and ...?", you say "what do you mean?", he says "you asking him over for a s**g", then you say "I don't know what you are on about, why would I do that? I don't even like him".

Then if it continues (which I am assuming it will), then just say you were so wasted, you can't remember anything and can't imagine ever wanting to do that and say you aren't the type to cheat.

If it was me, I wouldn't be able to bring it up either. You will feel like s**t for a while but you have learnt from it. You didn't cheat, you sent a stupid text.

Just keep your fingers crossed that they both keep schtum.

LegacyUser

I can't do it, I really can't. If he finds out then I am going to have to say I can't remember anything and tell him straight I don't like him and wouldn't ever cheat with him, or anyone.

What else can I do? I feel like crying, I want to go home. I don't want him to leave me, he means the world to me. We have been through so much together, I don't want to lose him.

I love him so much it hurts. I am so stupid.

LegacyUser

My advice is stop blowing it up in your head and making such a big deal of it because if/when he does mention it, guilt will be written over your face and you are going to make yourself ill if you don't calm down.

It will make it worse because he knows him, it will be embarrassing for him.

Did you honestly believe the relationship was over when you texted him or was it purely out of anger? Either way, it isn't going to go down well so be prepared. Lads talk, it will come out eventually one way or another. I think pretending you can't remember anything will tie in with the crazy outburst earlier in the evening, he knows how paraletic you were. Unless you are going to come clean, that is your only choice. All the best.

Lady Muck

Stop beating yourself up. It was a text.

You asked him to keep quiet, there is a chance he will but who knows? This is completely out of your hands now, you have to deal with the consequences and learn from it.

If you can both work through it then good, I don't condone lying at all but in some situations it is necessary. You were so drunk you didn't know what you was doing, that is all he needs to know. Now you have already made up from the arguing, you will have to hope you can convince him to put this whole sorry episode to bed, text included.

Delete his number and delete him from your mind.

LegacyUser

total_idiot wrote: »

I can't do it, I really can't. If he finds out then I am going to have to say I can't remember anything and tell him straight I don't like him and wouldn't ever cheat with him, or anyone.

When he finds out, saying that will not make one bit of difference.
"I don't like him" so you just texted any guy for sex
"wouldn't ever cheat with him, or anyone" so the asking for a sh*g, was what, polite conversation

Do you not understand how men behave, he will be boasting about that text to everyone.
Someone will tell your boyfriend, because they are a good person and he needs to know what his girlfriend is up to.
Someone will tell your boyfriend because they are a bad person and want to have a laugh at him.


People cheat
When they fall for someone else. bad but, peoples feeling change
Drunken out and it just sort of happens. very bad, no excuse

LegacyUser

I wish it was that easy just forgetting it. He could find out weeks/months down the line.

I just spoke to him on the phone then and he was so lovely, I have actually started to cry.

Lady Muck

So he was lovely on the phone just now. If this person has any intention of blabbing, he would have done it by now, unless your b/f's mate is keeping it from him to stop him getting hurt. They work together, I would have thought he would have said something by now.

Would it be worth texting this guy again to ask if he kept quiet?

With the way you are reacting to this, it is more likely to come from you anyway if you can't even talk to him without crying. Why don't you write it down because it will come out the way you want it to. If you sound even half as remorseful as you do here then I am sure he knows you are sorry.

LegacyUser

Thanks for taking the time to help me.

I have been having a think and I honestly did it out of sheer anger. I don't intend on sleeping with anyone but my boyfriend.

I am trying to dampen it down in my head so if it does come out, I can hopefully not over react. I regret this so much.

How can I stop getting upset when I see him?

dirtydress

You sound about 12. Just take responsibility for what you did, if not with your boyfriend than with yourself. Chances are he will find out about this maybe not now but down the line it'll come out somewhere. The only way to know for sure is to actually CALL this guy you propositioned, none of this texting crap, you're not a child, and explain what happened and ask him if he has already or will tell anyone. You need to take control of this situation, own up to what you did and make a decision about what you're going to do about it, crying on your own is not going to get you anywhere.

Lady Muck

So what are you going to do then if he does find out? Admit you did it out of anger? Or stick to your other story?

Please don't cry in front of him because that will make you look so guilty, you have to think..you sent a silly text, you didn't shove your tongue down his throat or worse.

The fact you feel this bad over a text shows you are a decent person who has just made a silly mistake and we are all allowed to do that.

My b/f had a one night stand and I have stuck by him. That is far far worse imo.

To help yourself from getting upset, play it down. Keep telling yourself it was just a text, you know yourself you didn't mean it.

If this person does start to blab around after you asking him not to, then he is not a nice person at all. Hopefully he will realise you were drunk and leave it at that. Just make sure the messages are off your phone and get rid of his number so you can never contact him again.

Lady Muck

I've just had an idea..........

Providing your b/f doesn't know your number by heart, why don't you change it? Moan about your crap network or something then they can't prove anything. Maybe worth a go.

I feel sorry for you and I hope you get through it.

LegacyUser

I mentioned our names in the texts unfortunately but I suppose getting a new number will stop contact for sure. I have deleted his number now so I can't get in touch.

What a mess.

I think blaming the drink will cause him to mistrust me further than me just saying I am sorry, I made a mistake but it is taking that step that is scaring me. I am going to lose him over this, I know it. He isn't particularly keen on the bloke anyway. I am doomed.

Worst thing is, I have to pick him up from work and the friend will be there, I suppose I can judge by his reaction to me if he knows or not.

Do you really think they would know by now? I hope he just forgets it.

Terodil

Lady Muck wrote: »

So what are you going to do then if he does find out? Admit you did it out of anger? Or stick to your other story?

Alright, let's pick from the menu of lies, shall we? :mad:

Lady Muck wrote: »

Please don't cry in front of him because that will make you look so guilty, you have to think..you sent a silly text, you didn't shove your tongue down his throat or worse.

Well, sorry, but this is so euphemistic that it made me retch.

Yes, the OP is very sorry for what she did and I recognise that. No need to harp on about how it was wrong etc., she knows. But neither do we need to play down what she did.

The OP needs to assume responsibility for what she did exactly, nothing more and nothing less. She needs to get her freedom back, and making that dependent on the other guy remaining quiet is exactly the wrong way to go about it. She'll always depend on his cooperation.

The only way she can get her freedom back is by taking that unknown out of the equation. And that will only work by telling him.

I agree with a preposter, put it in a letter or something, and put some work into explaining it. I mean, the fact that you admitted you did it out of anger is not boding well, it means you knew exactly what you were doing (I never bought the 'oh alcohol made me do it' excuse anyway. Guns don't kill people, people do.)

Best of luck.

ibarelycare

OP I feel so sorry for you, of course it was a stupid thing to do, but most of us have made silly mistakes when we were drunk. You do sound very remorseful and I think you should stop beating yourself up about it. I know you're going to be sick with worry about whether it will come out in the future or not, but if you're not going to tell him then you have to stop thinking about this, because it's going to affect your relationship and he's going to notice something's up.

TBH, if I was in your position, I wouldn't tell either and I'm sure I'd feel the exact same way as you do now. You're maybe still feeling a bit crappy and emotional after a heavy night on Sunday (I know it can sometimes take me 2 days to feel back to normal) but just don't do anything rash. Try and get an early night tonight and hopefully things will look better in the morning.

I agree with other posters that you should text the guy again just to make sure he won't say anything. Hopefully he's a good, mature guy and he'll recognise that you were in a bit of a state and will keep it to himself!

The bottom line is that you didn't cheat, and hopefully you're telling the truth when you say you wouldn't have, but you seem so cut up about it that I believe you. Just calm yourself down and try concentrate on your work. The more you think about it, the worse you're going to feel when you go home to your bf. It was a silly mistake that you'll hopefully learn from. Good luck

LegacyUser

Thanks so so much for responding, I have been racking my brains on who to tell and I don't really want anyone I know knowing, the less the better.

Unfortunately I don't know this lad enough for him to owe me any loyalty so the ball is totally in his court. He was being kind of jokey and light hearted about it but it is still bothering me. At first he said I don't do that kind of thing sorry, then in anger I said my fella left me then he was asking why him and I said cos I like him, and that was it.

I feel sick thinking about it. I have let us both down. My god I have never been in love like this and I have ruined everything.

He has friends round tonight so hopefully that will distract me and I can take my mind off it, providing he doesn't know.

I don't have his number now but I can get him on facebook.

Lady Muck

Terodil, I was just trying to make her see she could have done a lot worse. Yes the text was rather crude and inappropriate but it is done now. I sincerely hope OP that things work out, I can imagine things won't be rosy if he finds out but if you love each other enough, you will get through it.

I wasn't giving her a menu of lies. She was obviously so wasted that she didn't care until the cold light of day, which is what normally happens when you have too much drink. We lose our inhibitions, in some ways you can blame the drink but the person drinking is ultimately to blame because they are in control of what they have.

I agree with ibarelycare, I am as depressed as a horse when I have had a heavy session so things will seem worse at the moment. Vodka too, that is the worse alcohol you could have for feeling low! :eek:

I am sure your man has done things that have upset you in the past. We are all entitled to one f**k up, you deserve another chance and you need to prove to him you can control your drink in the future. I think that is a bigger issue than the text imo.

LegacyUser

Lady Muck wrote: »

I am sure your man has done things that have upset you in the past. We are all entitled to one f**k up, you deserve another chance and you need to prove to him you can control your drink in the future. I think that is a bigger issue than the text imo.

This is a massive mistake. Men like to think they are sexual gods and their woman are totally satisfied and fulfilled by them. They also like to think their woman were perfect angelic semi virginal until they met them.
She has hit at both these beliefs. Also his friends will never let him live this down. If she had texted some guy and he came over and she cried and he held her all night in bed, a guy could get over it because he still retains his sexual power. But texting looking for a sh*g, unforgivable.

LegacyUser

I had a cry earlier. Have decided to chill about it now though, I can't control what this man says.

If it comes down to it I will deny all knowledge and memory, I don't want my boyfriend to think I am a slag. He is already disappointed in me. I will just say as if I would go with him.

I am trying not to act different, I am making it as nice as possible so if he does rock the boat, hopefully my boyfriend will not want to go back to the argueing.

Have also decided not to contact the lad again, if I beg like that he will think it is funny to let it out. I have sent a message simply saying, please don't tell xxx about my texts. I will leave it at that. Bad thing is, they are seeing each other tonight. From what I have seen on his facebook page, it sounds as if he has a new girlfriend so let's hope he is concentrating on her and not me.

Lady Muck

Have been wondering how you are. Sounds as if the initial shock is disappearing. When my b/f told me he cheated, it was so horrible I can't explain but although it is still horrible now 6 months on, time makes it easier. Even if your b/f doesn't find out, as time goes on it won't be as big a deal to you because this other person means nothing to you, it wasn't exactly an affair, as I have said before, it was a text, not sex. Just be glad it never got to that.

I am sure you can sort things out.

Katgurl

OP, I think your guilt and panic because you have lost control of the situation is making you overlook something very important.

WHY did you send those texts?
And why did you send them to that guy in particular?

LegacyUser

The reason I sent it was through anger from the arguement. I did have a bit of a crush on the guy a while back but not now. Can't explain why I did it, I was severely intoxicated. Sense was well out of the window.

I love my man so much, I can't even tell you. I will die if he finds out.

Everything is nice again now and I can't bear this coming out and ruining it.

batsherlashes

total_idiot wrote: »

I feel so horrible. I didn't sleep at all last night, I feel sick, I can't eat.

I can't come clean, I am scared.

I have made such a stupid mistake, can I not pretend I can't remember anything? To be fair, I can't remember much after he went.

I really need to stop drinking. In all the years we have been together, this is the first time I have done anything like this.Well he is at work now with this lad's mate, I am dreading my phone ringing. Am so hoping he doesn't say anything.

Really don't know how to bring it up.

I nearly did it last night, I was crying my eyes out upstairs, luckily he never knew this. I really wanted to get it out but we had just made up over the arguement and he was being so lovely.

It is such a hard situation, if I bring it up there may be a chance he never knows, and if I leave it, he will most probably find out. What a horrible situation. I feel like I have cheated. Would you see it as cheating?

You're just trying to take the easy option out if you play dumb. If you care about him tell him. What you did was wrong and even if you were sure he would never find out, you owe him honesty in your relationship.

shellyboo

OP, if this comes out later and your bf finds out, it's MUCH, much worse. If he finds out later, it's not just a text... it's a text, then you concealing it from him, then asking other people to cover it up as well, and pretending everything was ok. So what was a stupid, thoughtless mistake becomes more than that - it becomes a calculated attempt to deceive him.

I would not dump someone for sending a stupid text after a fight. I would dump someone for covering it up and lying to me about it though. You need to come clean before this all blows up in your face, because when (yes, when) it does, it will be a million times worse than if you'd told him out straight.

LegacyUser

You need to take responsibility for your actions.

This isn't about your feeling's anymore, it's about your boyfriend's.

He's the only innocent party in all of this, and he deserves to know the truth.

Dizzyblonde

OP you'd be better off coming clean. If it comes to a situation where it's your word against the other guy's and he hasn't deleted the texts then you'll be shown to be a liar. And if he has deleted them but showed them to other people first you'll be outnumbered and your boyfriend won't believe you.
Either way, it sounds as though you were definitely up for cheating on the night - you need to think hard about that.

LegacyUser

Hi everyone.

Thing is, I wouldn't have gone through with it. I was semi aware of what I was doing and to me it was a bit of banter. Although it sounds terrible from the outside, I would never ever have had him at my house I can tell you that now, I swear on the bible.

My boyfriend's work mate saw this lad last night as I saw it on facebook. I have spoken to my boyfriend a few times today about various things, and also to judge whether he may know something. I am hoping this lad has just laughed it off. We never got to the stage where we were making arrangements, we just stopped texting and I went off to bed. I don't actually think he took me seriously with the way his replies read.

I am praying he has deleted them. I hope he does have a new girlfriend as his facebook hinted so he has no choice but to delete them to save his own love life. I am hoping he doesn't see this as a big deal and has just put it down to drunken behaviour.

I am being so nice to my boyfriend at the moment to make things right in my head. I feel guilty as hell but once in the past I was led to believe he may have kissed another girl but we got over that and I really am over it. I hope he can do the same for me.

I want a clean slate with him. My god I love him sooooooooooooo much, I am a fool.

LegacyUser

We get the message chick, you are sorry and this has made you more than realise how much you love him, take the positive from that.

If he didn't take you seriously then hope he just got rid of them, if it got to the stage where you say I live a number 9 horny avenue, don't be long, then I would understand.

If they saw each other last night and nothing has been said, then it can't be a big deal to him.

If it was me I would want it to come out in a way because this will be brewing in your head for the rest of your relationship. Secrets are very hard to keep. If you can get through him kissing another girl then you have both made mistakes and hopefully you have both learned from them. I feel sorry for him though, he has a right to know but in some ways it is hurting him un-neccesarily if he did know.

Very difficult situation and I don't envy you but things happen for a reason and it will work out the way it is meant to, whatever that is.

Lady Muck

You have gone 3 days now without arousing suspicion and acting as if something is on your mind, so if he finds out from his mate and you seem shocked and surprised then he can't think you were hiding it because you can't remember it. I know it isn't the best scenario but I think admitting it will make it look more like you wanted something to go on rather than the truth where you had a bit of 'banter' then fell asleep.

I think if you bring it up now, or admit it if he is told by someone else, that will look worse because you have (in his eyes) deliberately hid it from him.

Ideally, it would have been better to blurt it out and have a sob the minute he returned from his parents but hindsight is a wonderful thing.

I don't think it is the right time now for you to confide, too much time has passed and all the niceties you have been providing to him will appear false even though in your heart, you were doing it with good intention.

I wasn't aware he had previously been a naughty boy. Not that 2 wrongs make a right but we all make mistakes, even more when drunk so I hope he can take that into account, as long as he doesn't see it as a revenge attack.

As long as you can continue working on the relationship and stay away from the drink, then time will heal. If he never said anything last night then maybe he has laughed it off (the other guy, not your b/f)!.

If he was that excited by the prospect, everyone would know by now. (no offence like ).

LegacyUser

total_idiot wrote: »

I am hoping this lad has just laughed it off. We never got to the stage where we were making arrangements, we just stopped texting and I went off to bed. I don't actually think he took me seriously with the way his replies read.

so it's gone from a text, now to a two way conversation.
You seem to be remembering lots more details now, so much for the too drunk to remember stuff

shellyboo

OP, you seem intent on deceiving your boyfriend over a silly mistake - you're acting like a bold toddler who won't own up.

Do you not uderstand that willfully lying is worse - far, far worse - than a mistaken, drunken, angry text?

LegacyUser

Do you not think he would react worse to me sitting him down and telling him because I do?

If it is a mistake, it is a one off and he doesn't need to know. All I will be doing is damaging the relationship. If it was an affair, or I had feelings for someone else, then telling him would be fair but he doesn't need this. Especially as we are trying hard to make up.

I am a nervous wreck, I have lost 1/2 stone in this time because I can't eat.

Smiley G

Just picked up this thread and feel the need to say that it was simply a drunken text. Nothing more than that. Forget it and move on. No one died... there are far worse things in the world.
I suggest you stop drinking in future.

Lady Muck

Smiley G wrote: »

Just picked up this thread and feel the need to say that it was simply a drunken text. Nothing more than that. Forget it and move on. No one died... there are far worse things in the world.
I suggest you stop drinking in future.

I agree with this quote. Think of the people who go out and get drunk and actually s**g someone who they know and have the worry over their head that their partner could find out and may be faced with all kinds of ultimatums and blackmail, that is much worse.

If you have this intense guilt over a text, then you know you could never physically do anything, and that is a good thing.

You aren't lying by not telling him, you are protecting his feelings. You feel bad and know it won't happen again so why does he need to know?

Leave it be.

Terodil

Lady Muck wrote: »

You aren't lying by not telling him, you are protecting his feelings.

Lady Muck, I agree with pretty much everything you've posted in this thread, including the risk analysis of telling him now after such a long time, but this is really a piece of art: Turning lying (by omission) into an ethically laudable feat, calling it 'protecting his feelings'?

Seriously. She's lying to him, she's keeping him in the dark while possibly all his friends know. How is that doing any sort of service to his feelings?

Yes there are always people who do worse stuff but that isn't relevant at all. In fact, given the way the OP has slowly revealed more and more, I cannot help but feel that her guilt is due to the fact that she knows she could and would have ended up doing more:

1. I didn't even know what I was texting
2. Yeah I was half-aware of what I was doing
3. I texted the guy because I was angry
4. Actually it wasn't just a single text, it was a full-blown two-way convo that just fizzled out

The only thing that kept her from doing the deed was that the guy didn't respond and didn't end up on her doorstep.

If I was in the bf's position and ever found out about this without her telling me first, then the relationship would be off, not an inkling of a doubt about it.

OMG, just imagine learning this from your 'friends' during a social evening... *shudder*

The only chance she has to recover this in a remotely 'safe' (for the relationship) way is to tell him.

Lady Muck

I do believe her though when she says she wouldn't have gone further, otherwise her thread would be about the guilt of nearly sleeping with him. It is the text that is eating her up because it sounds out of character for her to be this cut up.

There is a little saying 'what they don't know won't hurt them'. I know it is wrong to lie but the damage has already been done. Nothing good will come of her telling him, she is going to have to ride on the hope that this guy keeps his trap shut. Maybe he thinks for something so insignificant to him isn't worth causing sh*t over so is letting it slide. He may just treat it as a mini ego boost.

Whoever tells him, it isn't going to be pretty imo. I personally couldn't go up to my b/f and admit something like this.

Terodil

Yeah but he won't forget such a thing, and things have a way of changing. Imagine this continues for a year or two, then the friend falls out with the OP's bf and chucks it in his face ("You know what kind of a girl you are with, right? ..."). DEVASTATING.

I think hoping it won't come out is clutching at straws.

This is simply about damage mitigation. Think 5t-dud-defusal (with a chance of success) vs. Hiroshima (with no chance).

As for leaving others to do the dirty work of telling him... errr... no. You've caused the mess, at least stand up for yourself. Would you really prefer him standing there, in front of a crowd, learning from third parties that his gf (almost) cheated on him (however that turns out to be presented, you can be sure of embellishments), to you telling him in private?

If the answer is yes, then I honestly doubt you should be in a relationship with him in the first place. No true lover would willingly sign their partner up for such hurt just to keep their own hands clean(er, given that they caused the mess themselves).

LegacyUser

Lady Muck wrote: »

I do believe her though when she says she wouldn't have gone further, otherwise her thread would be about the guilt of nearly sleeping with him. It is the text that is eating her up because it sounds out of character for her to be this cut up.

That's because you are a good person.
Like stated it's gone from text to having a conversation, he blanked her, otherwise she would have gone through with it.
Read her posts and the language, she doesn't care about her boyfriend, she's only worried about being caught.
It's all about her and how she feels, what she wants.

LegacyUser

Of course I care about my boyfriend and of course it is out of character for me! I said before I have lost 1/2 stone in days because it is making me ill, not because I could get caught but because I have let myself down so badly. Whether he knows or not, I feel sick.

I switched my phone off cos I thought it was a terrible thing, then I went to bed. We only texted to and fro cos he was wondering how I got his number, it was from ages ago. He just made light of it then it stopped. It wasn't a serious thing. We had a terrible horrible nasty arguement, it was pure anger and revenge. I regret it.

I feel terrible typing this now whilst he is in the kitchen. It isn't about being caught, not at all.

I have checked his facebook page to see if him and the other lad are conversing but he is just putting totally random, unrelated comments up so I am praying he isn't even thinking about it.

My boyfriend has spent all day with his mate. I am hoping if he was going to know or say anything, it would have happened by now. I am also hoping this lad has deleted them messages because he thinks I am a pathetic, desperate, drunken piece of shoite! lol

All I can say is, I love my man more than the universe and telling him this will ruin everything. Hopefully as time passes, it will lessen in my head and he wont be so desperate to tell people.