Au pair being underfed.

LegacyUser

I'm an au pair, I started 2 weeks ago. The family are friendly and I work very few hours, but there's a big problem, I really feel they are underfeeding me and feeding me nutritionally incomplete meals. The parents have 5 kids, and although they both have good jobs, they have mentioned how expensive it is having so many kids. At mealtimes, the parents make a couple of dishes which everyone gets a scoop or two of. So they're not treating me differently, everyone gets the same. The problem is firstly that they load the dishes up with the cheap ingredients like salad and pasta, and there is almost no meat at all. One night all we had for dinner was fried onions, seriously! Just fried onions. Sometimes it's one small scoop of pasta. Often it's just a spoonful of some weird concoction that I don't know what it is and can't bring myself to eat. They also serve tiny portions, everyone, even the parents, gets a young child's portion. I am always hungry. Firstly, having cheap carbs all the time with almost no protein, is driving me nuts. I don't expect rump steak but is a bit of budget chicken too much to ask? I've been spending alot of money running down to a restaurant in the evenings to buy some chicken because i'm so hungry but i can't afford to keep doing this. Secondly, the portions are too small. They have tiny dinner portions because they all then eat further meal of porridge before bed, but i don't want to eat porridge before bed, i just want a decent dinner with some protein. The dishes for dinner always get eaten, everyone desperately grabbing second portions, there's rarely enough prepared. Also some nights when we have weird smelly concoctions I can't bring myself to eat it at all.

So what I want is:
protein with lunch and dinner, and more than just one small nugget but a decent portion.
enough dinner that i'm not starving after half an hour.
if they're eating something weird i'd rather just make my own.

But how to bring this up without causing problems? I've already hinted, like telling the mum that I usually eat more protein and not just carbs all the time but she just answered that people don't really need protein (she is a doctor ffs!)

Also when we have something inedible for dinner she sees that I don't eat it but she never asks if there's a problem or anything.

How to get more food for dinner without being told to just eat porridge before bed?

Seriously, I am starving all the time, I don't know how I can spend a year like this, but I don't want to leave, aside from this the family are nice and I've made friends here, and more pertinently I don't have any job or anything to go back home to! How can I politely but firmly insist that I get more and better quality food? It's a hard thing to insist on when they themselves are eating the cheap crap and tiny portions! At lunch time I am only allowed to eat leftovers, but firstly there are barely any leftovers and secondly when they are it's the inedible, protein-free crap again. I'm so hungry!

iguana

It really isn't necessary that we eat much meat in our diets, or any at all as dairy and pulses provide the same nutritional values - a glass of milk has a higher content of high-protein as an ounce of beef. Meat a couple of times a week is more than enough for anyone nutritionally.

It just sounds as if you don't like the food they are providing, which is fine, I wouldn't eat a lot of food I didn't like either. I too like eating a lot of meat/chicken/fish, 2 or 3 times a day usually, but I'm under no illusion that it is nutritional necessity, it's just my preference. I'm not sure you can demand that they feed you the foods you like. Why don't you buy some food for yourself in the supermarket and cook for yourself? It would be cheaper than buying food from a restaurant each night. They may be willing to up your wages to supplement your shopping, but they wouldn't be obliged to.

LegacyUser

I'm in one of the most expensive countries in europe and my money has almost run out, i can't afford to keep buying food! What I want is suggestions on how to bring this up with my host parents in a way that won't sound rude or accusing but will get me the best chance of being able to eat something other than what they're eating.

LegacyUser

Also, the portion sizes are a big problem, they're so small, there's just not enough. We get one scoop of something per meal, like one small scoop of pasta or one scoop of fried onions.

iguana

Well it certainly isn't the best idea to tell them they aren't meeting your nutritional needs when that is just not true. It is likely to make them either dismissive of your complaint or angry because the implication is that they are not feeding their family properly.

I'd suggest you talk to them and tell them that their diet isn't what you're used to and you would prefer to eat separately. Ask them if they would mind if instead of feeding you, they gave you extra cash for you to feed yourself. It doesn't cost that much to eat nicely if you are smart about it. You could make a big casserole/pie for €8 which would do you for 6 meals. Obviously this would be easier if you could use the freezer so you aren't eating the same thing everyday.

The thing to do is to be as nice as possible. You not liking their cooking isn't their fault. Don't make demands and don't go on about protein and dietary necessity as you are incorrect in your claims.

iguana

They could argue about the portion sizes that they eat more meals than you do. And eating smaller meals at greater intervals is actually recommended by a lot of dietitians.

I don't mean to sound harsh. I have a lot of sympathy for your situation, I suspect my chosen diet is a lot like how you prefer to eat and their meals don't sound that nice. But if the deal was that they would provide meals for you by sharing their own meals you need to win them around. I presume they pay you for your work?

LegacyUser

Well you don't need protein twice a day. In fact in long term thats possibly a bad thing.

You say you are under-nourished? Are you losing weight ? If so how much in how long ? What your usual diet at home ? How much of what and when ?

At lunch time I am only allowed to eat leftovers, but firstly there are barely any leftovers and secondly when they are it's the inedible, protein-free crap again.

ok i'm with you there - i don't think just getting left overs is right

LegacyUser

I'm getting 252 euros a month pocket money but i'm living in one of the most expensive countries in europe, i can't afford to keep buying food. before i arrived they told me they eat alot of chicken and fish, thats one of the reasons i accepted this job, but it's not true. what do you think is the best way for me to bring this up?

LegacyUser

at home i'd have like, eggs & porridge or fruit for breakfast, chicken and veg for lunch and maybe prawns or rice for dinner. Here we hardly ever have fruit, the parents only buy bananas and oranges and the kids eat them at once, quicker than they can be replaced so we often don't have fruit at all, the parents never buy enough. the only vegetables we have are lettuce, tomato and cucumber, nothing else. the meals basically consist of either fried onions with nothing else, or pasta covered in weird sauce with nothing else, or rice covered in some strong salty sauce, or fried potatoes. sometimes dinner is potatoes WITH pasta and nothing else. sometimes there'll be a couple of tiny nuggets of chicken in it, sometimes a fleck of fish.

then they have either porridge or a slice of bread before bed. the things like potatoes get totally eaten up at dinner time, the only leftovers are usually wilted letuce leaves and sometimes pasta. that's my lunch and i have to ration it because on the days when there are no leftovers, what will i eat? there is nothing else in the fridge. and the mum often eats the leftovers too, sometimes when i go for lunch there is almost nothing left! all of the pasta, rice etc is white, whch makes it even worse! we just get cheap fillers with no real nutrition.

Overheal

Offer to plan meals?

How long has this been going on for? I recall when in my last few weeks of college when the money had completey shcuppered I was eating the cheapest things I could find for food. I believe for 3 days I survived on a bag of popcorn kernels I got from Centra for 2 euro. Thing is though, when I got back home and got fed what many would consider a proper meal - there was no way in hell I could eat all that. In the absence of what youre used to your stomach shrinks to match, along with your sense of appetite. As long as your being properly nourished, albeit in smaller portions, the appetite should be subsiding over time.

LegacyUser

i can't offer to plan meals, the parents take total charge of food. I'm not allowed to prepare any food at all except my own breakfast.

banquo

Porridge is great. There was a weekend in college where I didn't eat for the friday, saturday or sunday. Found a fiver and that got me enough porridge to keep me fed until I got paid the next friday.

And there was a week I lived off a bag of carrots I found on the road. About 60 of them. Awful boring but you won't be hungry (possibly from losing your appetite after nothing but carrots for days)

Complan also comes recommended for the the hungry on a budget. Box a week. Gourmet it ain't, but if you're broke...

If you want to bring it up with them, since you've only been there two weeks then you've a good chance of getting them to feed you more. Strike while the iron is hot and all that.

silverharp

if you want to supplement your diet , stock up on tinned fish, tuna etc. You could it and add it too your pasta at mealtimes. They might even get the hint that they need to offer more substantial meals.

The_Conductor

On the continent they do tend to eat considerably smaller meals than we do here- however having a supper in the evening (porridge, some left over pasta or sometimes cereal) is common.

It really sounds more like a cultural difference than anything else to be honest.

OP- I do appreciate that you feel you need more protein- going out to local restaurants when you're on such a limited budget is a total non-starter though. You said you do your own breakfasts- how about loading up on yoghurts and cheeses- which is the norm on the continent- or when they have porridge in the evening politely asking if you could prepare yourself something more to your taste- whatever that might be?

Bringing up a family with 5 kids would be enormously expensive- especially when you consider the punitive taxation regimes in most European countries (we may moan here in Ireland about how bad it is- but compared to France or Germany- we have it easy, at least in direct taxation). It would probably be unusual for a family like this to be able to afford an au-pair at all, despite all the help you doubtless are to them.

They probably didn't knowingly lie to you when they said they eat a lot of chicken and fish- its more their idea (and the idea of a significant number of continentals) as to what constitutes 'a lot' is vastly different from ours. Ireland has gone down the American road- with expectations of enormous portions at meal times, plentiful protein etc. This is not 'normal' though- this is an aberation, that unfortunately is fueling an obesity epidemic.

You are going to need to politely talk to the bean an ti, but you should also be a bit more intelligent in trying to supplement your diet- no more restaurants- perhaps get a few youghurts, cheeses, tinned fish etc.

A final observation- we really don't appreciate how good the food in Ireland really is- until we go abroad. I'm shocked at the quality of some of the food that I'm served in establishments held in high esteem in their home countries. The cuts of meat in particular shock me. I always wonder where all the lovely food we have in Ireland comes from- and how come they aren't able to produce similar?

S.

dirtydress

I've been spending alot of money running down to a restaurant in the evenings to buy some chicken because i'm so hungry but i can't afford to keep doing this.

Just wanted to add that going to a restaurant wont help your money problems, you really need to buy your own cheap food too if you're not happy with what they give you, they are fulfilling their end of the contract by giving you food. Plus you're saying that you're refusing to eat porridge with them in the evenings, beggars cant be choosers! Every country has budget supermarkets and own brands, im sure you could buy a couple of items once in a while and it wont break the bank. Alternatively you could always try looking for another job.

Terodil

I would suggest you estimate your calory intake using one of the many calory counters available on the net. An adult doing light work needs around 2k kcal. If you reach that, more or less, then they're not objectively underfeeding you.

I really think your focus on proteines is a bit OTT nutrition-wise; you do not need chicken or fish every day. Check google for the 'food pyramid' for an estimate of how your diet should ideally be composed. You can easily compensate with cheese, milk, eggs, etc.

Many (5+) small meals over the day are much preferable to a few (2-3) big meals. An apple or pear can easily make a good supplement during the day when you need the energy, and they're cheap.

kmick

You just need to talk to him rather than her. However I cant see a situation where you all sit down and you get a double portion with meat and they all get fried onions. Can you raid the fridge? 252 is not a lot but you could seperately make a chicken fillet or a pork chop during the day and have it. You local butcher will do a pack for a fiver usually that includes a chicken fillet, a pork chop, a few sausages and a bit of beef just ask him/her.

I think the posters here are posting from another planet. Not getting enough to eat is a serious problem. This girl is working for food and board, so why shouldn't she get a decent amount of proper food? You wouldn't work for 50 cents an hour, so why should she accept being underfed? She isn't a slave! And it sounds like she definitely is underfed. I've spent half my life on the continent, as an au pair, in peoples houses, working in hotels, and I've yet to find this country where a handful of fried onions is considered an acceptable meal. Even the worst hotel I ever worked at provided us with more than that. When I was an au pair, I had all the cereal, bread, croissants I wanted for breakfast and really nice big meals. Maybe this family can't really afford an au pair, but that isn't the OP's fault. Pocket money is just that - it is not intended to be spent on food. I presume she's gone abroad to experience the culture, visit things, meet people - how can she do that if she's spending her pocket money on food?

People posting about eating porridge in college - well that's fine when you're a student, but this girl is employed with this family. She should not be forced to survive on porridge! It is not healthy to eat 'filler foods' on a long term basis. And as for her appetite decreasing, that is not healthy either. Jesus, I have to eat 3 big meals a day along with snacks to stay at 8 stone. She should eat what she feels she needs to eat. I agree that she doesn't need meat every day, but it doesn't sound like they have balanced vegetarian meals from what OP has posted.

OP, I would just say directly that you are not getting enough to eat, and suggest that they give you extra money for food and allow you to prepare it, or to eat out. You are not being demanding here - it is the least they can do to provide you with proper nutrition when you're working for them, it isn't some kind of favour. Maybe tell them what you eat at home and see if it would be possible to eat something similar, at least a few times a week. Also ask if it would be possible to buy fruit just for you to keep in your room. If they say they can't afford it, ring the agency and ask to be moved somewhere else. It is NOT your fault if they've hired an employee they can't afford to pay properly.

Boskowski

Could it be that for the first time in your life you're actually eating healthy and not twice as much of everything you need? This could be a blessing in disguise. This could turn your eating habits into good eating habits. You could pick up on something that will prevent you from being malnourished and overweight for the rest of your life?

Because, let's face it. The eating habits we're used to aren't very good. We manage to have some of the best foods in Ireland and most of us still manage to be on the worst possible diets. I'm talking about preparation and portion sizing and variety. To exaggerate my point. There is nothing wrong with potatoes and pork. But it's not that great if it comes along in the shape of sausages and chips 5 times a week. And others already pointed out no one needs meat every day. 3 times a week is enough. and also several small meals a day is much better for your system then stuffing your belly at night time.

Sorry not very helpful as it's not answering your question, so I'll get to that now.

I would simply raise it with the parents in a polite and not too serious way. Make a bit of fun of it. Like you appreciate and you also know it's kinda funny as you eat what everybody else eats but you're sorry you know you're from a country of pigs (I don't mean that) and it will take you some time to get adjusted to non-piggy eating, but right now you're hungry every night going to bed and could we not do something about that? Something like that.

iguana

[quote=[Deleted User];61893552]I think the posters here are posting from another planet. Not getting enough to eat is a serious problem. This girl is working for food and board, so why shouldn't she get a decent amount of proper food? You wouldn't work for 50 cents an hour, so why should she accept being underfed? She isn't a slave! And it sounds like she definitely is underfed. [/QUOTE]

She does not sound as if she is being underfed, she is refusing to eat a lot of what they serve as she wants meat. She won't eat supper with them, she won't eat their pasta as it has a sauce which she doesn't recognise and refuses to ask what it is. This family is not underfeeding themselves or their family, they are just eating in a way that sounds like their cultural norm. The mother is a doctor so probably knows a fair bit more about nutrition than most of us, certainly more than the OP based on her initial post about meat and protein.

The OP should either give eating a different way a go, or buy food from a grocers to supplement her diet. It isn't the family's fault if their food which is good enough for them isn't good enough for her.

Lex_Diamonds

My serious advice is, get out if you can. The fact is, the family are barely making ends meet as they are overstretched in the current economic climate.

As a result they are unable to provide decent meals as illustrated by the serving of fried onions as a complete meal. Quite how some people can see that as an acceptable meal is frightening.

Anyway, leave the place if you can. I assume you arent trapped? Either call the agency and try and get rehomed or leave the country all together. The fact is a lot of Irish families are feeling the pinch right now so you are much more likely to land in a cack situation today than say 5 years ago. Good luck.

LegacyUser

I don't know why people seem to have the impression that i'm an overeater. At home, as i told you, i would have either fruit or porridge with a couple of eggs for breakfast, a peice of chiciken with salad for lunch and either rice or prawns for dinner. what is so bad about that? I'm not overweight, I'm several sizes below the average womans' size. As for being malnourished on my chosen diet, I think i'm alot more likely to be malnourished getting nothing but refined grains and fried onions. Even when i do eat everything i'm given it's not enough. you should see the rush at mealtimes to get food, the kids even fight over it. thats why the fruit disappears so quickly, they're hungry and will eat nything they can get their hands on. Although I don't work so many hours, my job is physically demanding, the youngest 2 children are always having to be changed and stuff, i have to carry them up flights of stairs, run around after them and do housework. Do you honestly think a handful of fried onions is an acceptable dinner, even if we do get to have a scoop of porridgeor a peice of bread later? I was very careful to ask about food before accepting the job and they told me "we eat alot of chicken and fish." they also said they eat plain healthy meals. well, i don't think that's accurate since we mosstly get refined carbd covered in salty fatty sauce, or just vegetables on their own. The parents are always going on about how expensive it is to feed so many people. As for not eating their pasta, i do eat it even though i don't like it. but each person gets only one handful, that's it. You sy it's not the fmily's fault that their food isn't "good enough" for me but they misled me about what they ate and never told me I'd be getting child's portions. They misled me about other things too, eg they told me the 2 year old is potty trained but he's not at all. the mother won't allow him to wear nappies and he poos and wees his pants about 7 times a day which is disgusting to change when it's in the pants not a nappy, I never knew i was signing up for this kind of work!
I actually found this family on a website, I didn't go through an agency.

iguana

Lex_Diamonds wrote: »

My serious advice is, get out if you can. The fact is, the family are barely making ends meet as they are overstretched in the current economic climate.

Where exactly are you getting this from? How do you know what the economic climate is in the country the OP is in? And as one of the adults is a doctor I truly doubt they are eating this way because of money issues. They sound as if they are eating in a way that is their cultural norm.

LegacyUser

btw as another example of what the parents consider acceptable meals - on saturday night the mum said we were having pizza for dinner. i was excited because i was so hungry. But do you know what the "pizza" was? Each person had half a courgette, sliced down the middle, as the base, and the topping was a few shards of sliced pepper. That's it, no bread, no cheese. That was our whole dinner.

LegacyUser

The mum is always going on about how expensive it is to feed so many kids and how she can't do things she wants to because of finances. the dad was reminiscing about the days you could get an all you can eat meal for the whole family for 10 euros, and how it's hard to feed the family on a budget now. so yes i think this is probably about money.

LegacyUser

Go to Lidl or Aldi and spend about 20 euros a week for yourself, you will get meat veg and fruit for one person in there for 20 euro. Just tell them that you are cooking for yourself from now on. or else try to find another job !

Lex_Diamonds

iguana wrote: »

Where exactly are you getting this from? How do you know what the economic climate is in the country the OP is in? And as one of the adults is a doctor I truly doubt they are eating this way because of money issues. They sound as if they are eating in a way that is their cultural norm.

Well, just from the first post:


"The parents have 5 kids, and although they both have good jobs, they have mentioned how expensive it is having so many kids."

"At mealtimes, the parents make a couple of dishes which everyone gets a scoop or two of" - So two dishes, two scoops each among eight people. They would have to be massive dishes to satisfy everyone.

"One night all we had for dinner was fried onions" - How is that acceptable?

"everyone, even the parents, gets a young child's portion"

"They have tiny dinner portions because they all then eat further meal of porridge before bed" - And why are they hungy before bed?

"The dishes for dinner always get eaten, everyone desperately grabbing second portions"


Also I'm assuming the OP is foreign and located in Ireland? If not, where are you starvinghelpme?

dan_d

No offence folks, but I think everybody has the right to at least one decent meal a day.
How many of you out there have kids and feed them a tiny dinner and a bowl of porridge before bed?? I mean a handful of fried onions - not a healthy dinner in itself - and then a bowl of porridge?I find that a bit odd. Doing it in college is one thing, doing that when you've a family full of kids is a totally different thing. To the OP - have you noticed what the kids are like in restaurants, or in relations houses when they get fed by someone else and when they can have as much as they like? If they are eating like savages it's probably because they're as hungry as you are. And they just think that's normal, because they're kids and assume that's what every house is like. And you're only allowed have left-overs for lunch???What do they think you'll eat if there are no leftovers? This is 2009 for God's sake.
Everyone can argue all they like about whether or not you should have meat every day, but the fact of the matter is that the OP is starving. From her post I'm assuming that she's here in Ireland actually. Going to a restaurant in the evening is not a long term solution. So you could do a number of things - ask them can they give you a bit more food; ask them can you feed yourself and maybe get some extra money for it; try and supplement your diet with more yoghurts/nuts/pasta or whatever you can buy in your local supermarket; and also make a bit more of an attempt to eat whatever it is that you don't like the look of when you're served it.Alternatively you can keep going as you are and maybe go for one night a week to a restaurant and have a decent meal.
It's up to you OP what you choose to do, but I'm pretty sure that in this day and age, nobody should be going to bed hungry.Obviously I'm assuming here that you have a fairly normal diet at home and you're not eating huge quantities of food.
Actually on re-reading one of your other posts it sounds to me like the kids are pretty deprived too. And if one parent is a doctor I'm very surprised at them having that kind of diet. Is she very skinny or very concerned about her weight? Might have something to do with it.

Darthhoob

how on earth can people say she is not being underfed? fed very small portions of one thing is NOT healthy! sure she is in charge of her own breakfasts but has to have leftovers for lunch (to which there hardly is any) and one small portion of pasta on it's own.

where are the vegetables?
where is the fruit?
all she is eating is carbs, filler foods...NOT real food.

that goes for the kids too tbh, though the portions are a better size for them, but the diet isn't!

she said they buy a small amunt of fruit per week, but the kids eat them asap...wonder why??? cos they are probably hungry and need the vitamins!

i dont know ANYONE who eats that little, even my 1 year old who hardly eats for a kid his age eats more than that in a day!

LegacyUser

I've been an au pair & always had loads of food there, but I do know what it feels like to be dependent on strangers when you're in this situation initially. OP you need to discuss this with the parents. You're only there two weeks & a year is too long to contemplate if you're not happy with the food situation. It doesnt matter what other people say here about what is or is not a normal days food intake - everybody is different in their eating habits & if you're hungry, then you're hungry. Explain that you'll either have to get extra food or extra pocket money to supplement your food as it is not what they said to you before you took the job. If they are not willing to budge, then you may have no choice but to leave there, however see if you can get another job over there so that you dont have to come home, but maybe go through an agency this time around.

dirtydress

OP I think you just came on here to have a moan about your current employers. Fact is, you know exactly what you should do if you dont like it, same as any other job, speak to them about changes or leave. Don't get pissy with people here for adding their opinions. Be proactive and take responsibility, you're not happy so do something about it.

iguana

iguana wrote: »

She does not sound as if she is being underfed, she is refusing to eat a lot of what they serve as she wants meat. She won't eat supper with them, she won't eat their pasta as it has a sauce which she doesn't recognise and refuses to ask what it is. This family is not underfeeding themselves or their family, they are just eating in a way that sounds like their cultural norm. The mother is a doctor so probably knows a fair bit more about nutrition than most of us, certainly more than the OP based on her initial post about meat and protein.

The OP should either give eating a different way a go, or buy food from a grocers to supplement her diet. It isn't the family's fault if their food which is good enough for them isn't good enough for her.

She didn't say that. It sounds like she does eat almost everything she has offered. She said the portions are very small and she is going hungry. On what planet is half a courgette or a plate of fried onions considered an acceptable meal? It isn't. And as for the mother being a doctor, I know loads of doctors with terrible diets. And just because they think their food is fine doesn't mean it actually is!

People seem to be assuming the OP overeats and is fat. Not everyone in Ireland eats sausage and chips every night! I'm very slim but I'd have pretty big portions every day - lasagne, roast dinners, stir fries. Some people can live on a piece of cheese on toast for dinner, but most of us can't. I don't know why everyone thinks she must eat loads of junk at home. The food the family is serving does not sound substantial or nutritious to me. It sounds like they can't afford an au pair and are making do by eating the bare minimum. That isn't fair on the au pair or the kids. She is not providing charity here. She is providing childcare for only 250 euros a month. The very least they can do is make sure she's well fed. I really hope none of those posting here ever employ an au pair, because apparently they are slaves who should be grateful for a bit of porridge, and it's fine for them to spend their measly allowance on food so they don't starve!

Boskowski

I think a lot of the advice here - including my own - was/is based on assumptions.
Half a courgette with some peppers on it is not a main meal no matter how you look at it. You gotta say something about it OP. It's that simple.
Just out of curiosity, where is this?

castie

What country is this?

LegacyUser

I am not Irish and I'm not in Ireland now, I just came here for advice. I am from a different English-speaking country and I am au pairing in a country in the scandinavian area right now. The mother is really thin. She's had 5 kids but she doesn't have a scrap of spare flesh on her. She has no boobs at all, she is as flat chested as a man. The kids are also thin. The dad is a normal size but he works away sometimes and I guess he gets other food there. I don't overeat, as I said before at home I ate mostly lean meat, fruit and veg. I didn't come on here just to moan, I want to talk about the best way to broach the subject of getting more and different food. I'm in a very expensive country it's true, even chicken is expensive here. But the parents can still afford to be members of sports clubs and the mum took a month off work unpaid recently to care for the kids until I arrived. The last au pair they had told me that she didn't mind the food but that she lost 2 1/2 stone whilst here. The previous au pair before her apparently made her own food but I don't know whether she paid for it herself, or how it worked. I just am not sure how to politely but firmly broach the subject. The problem is the parents are actually nice kind friendly people. I don't know how to throw their friendliness back in their face by saying I'm not happy or want to leave. If they weren't so nice I think I might pack my bags and leave tomorrow. Well tbh i think they're too easygoing actually. Once the kids have finished their rations at dinner time they start climbing all over the table, climbing on their dad's head while he's eating. There's not much discipline in this house.

Terodil

Darthhoob wrote: »

where are the vegetables?
where is the fruit?
all she is eating is carbs, filler foods...NOT real food.

Eh? What's not real about it?

The problem is firstly that they load the dishes up with the cheap ingredients like salad and pasta[...]

That is exactly what the basis of any diet should look like.

I don't even know why the OP calls it 'cheap', it's the best from a dietary point of view, even though I think it's evident that variance is also needed.

I think we're all poking around in assumptions and guesses until the OP comes up with an estimate of the calories she's having on a daily basis. Until then all we're talking about is taste, not dietary needs.

iguana

I had a feeling you were in Scandanavia do to the meals you described and the fact that things were so expensive. I have Scandanavian family and friends. As I suggested from the start I think you need to talk to one of them and tell them that their meals aren't to your taste and you would like to cook for yourself. And as you will no longer be taking from their food would they mind increasing your payment.

But I really, really don't think you are being underfed, they are just eating what is normal for them. If you approach them with the attitude that they are starving you it will not go down well. You need to just approach them openly and be a bit self-depreciating. "I don't want to offend, however your meals aren't to me taste and I'd like to discuss alternatives." etc.

LegacyUser

I think I am being very underfed. Here's a typical day:

breakfast - an egg or 2 if there are any (I would eat more but there aren't enough) and a little bowlful of baby porridge (theres nothing else.)

lunch - leftovers, so either less than a handful of pasta, or some leftover lettuce and mushrooms.

snack - I can take a few peices of chopped fruit from the communal bowl, so a mouthful of orange and a mouthful of banana. (if the kids haven't already eaten it all.)

dinner - either vegetables on their own, or a handful of pasta, or a handful of some mush, god knows what it is. sometimes fried potatoes if we are very lucky. Ocassionally there may be a nugget of chicken or a flake of fish found in the mush.

then in the evening before bed we can sometimes have a slice of bread, or sometimes one scoop of porridge. I don't know how many calories this is, but it can't be enough.

Lex_Diamonds

Ask your parents to send you a food allowance; unless they are complete monsters they should agree to it.

GigaByte

You're not going to get very far in life if your scared to ask for some more food. I'm guessing your not a child so sit down with the parents and discuss it with them. Then come back here and tell us how it went.



Now where did I put that chicken sandwich??

Imposter

Discuss it with the parents.

Tell them you are hungry after the meals you get and that you cannot continue like this. Tell them your usual diet and explain that if anything you are doing more physical work now than before. Explain to them what you expect. If they can't provide it then you are better off quitting than being miserable and possibly harming your health.

As for the posters who are talking about not needing meat or protein and being ok with eating nothing but pasta, rice and potatoes they should wander over to the Nutrition or the fitness forums. Yes a vegetarian diet can also be healthy but it would need decent proteins as well - proteins which it doesn't sound like the OP is getting.

ladygrey

I can't understand why so many are doubting this poor girl. Some very harsh comments flying around, I see.

I have family from Sweden, and I can tell you, many of them eat like horses. I haven't noticed any of them eating less than the Irish. In fact, the food being described here doesn't even sound particularly scandinavian. So it's not a difference in culture going on here.

I would suggest you get in touch with the agency involved. I can't think how to approach it without knowing these people. Maybe you could just say that you have a big appetite so you need more food, and would they mind if you just looked after it yourself. They can't really object.

If the last au pair lost 2.5 stone, that's very significant. That's quite alot of weight to lose without even trying, and a telling measure of the difference in volume from the quantity she was normally used to eating.

LegacyUser

SPEAK UP!

Don't let this eat away at you (no pun intended).

Tell them that you are not happy and if you are expected to mind children etc. then you need more food.

Tell them that the last au pair lost 2.5 stone

Tell them that it's driving you mad.

They won't want you to leave because the mother will have to take more time off work!

COMMUNICATE!

JackieT

ladygrey wrote: »

I have family from Sweden, and I can tell you, many of them eat like horses. I haven't noticed any of them eating less than the Irish. In fact, the food being described here doesn't even sound particularly scandinavian. So it's not a difference in culture going on here.

I'm swedish, and I can second that. Sweden is very much a meat & spuds country. Foodwise it's pretty similar to ireland, we don't tend to deepfry food as much, and we eat more fish & reindeer.

Doctors do make less money over there though, a GP makes maybe €25k/year, so I can actually see money being a bit tight for the host family, with that many kids around.

OP, I think your best bet is just to come out and tell them that you'd prefer a bit more meat or fish, or maybe an increase in your allowance.
I don't think scandinavians are very good at the subtle approach.

Terodil

starvinghelpme wrote: »

I think I am being very underfed. Here's a typical day: [...]

That's too little, no doubt about it.

Ultimately you need to decide what's more important to you, the happiness of your host parents or your own health. I mean, leaving you to eat the remainder of the lunch is... well... not very 'caring' IMO.

I think there have been many good routes advised here already: Ask them for more food, cook your own, ... pick the one that's most relevant to you. I'd personally just explain that you need more and see if that changes anything. They may not even realise the problem given that they've lived like that for all their lives.

Hrududu

You could approach them and say you miss the type of food you are used to at home. Ask for an increase in money (which they will save by not having to feed you) and just cook for yourself. You don't have to fall out over it.

Darthhoob

Terodil wrote: »

Eh? What's not real about it?

what isn't real about it is that it isn't a proper balanced diet, you would be VERY unhealthy if you lived on just carbs and not much else.

i'm quite basic in my diet, but if i have pasta or potatoes they take up ONE part of my meal...the other two parts are usually meat/fish/tofu whatever...and veges. (dinner time)

NOT just pasta on it's own, or potatoes on their own...that is far from balanced and nutrious

Lex_Diamonds

They probably won't be able to give you more money or food seeing as they are stoney broke as it is. I would start considering your options as far as moving out is concerned. Hell, you could be consumed and eaten yourself if you dont get out soon...

Gazza22

There is some really ridiculous posts on this thread, this girl going by what she has described, is being malnourished. Soem of you need to wake up and read her posts.

Just because the family finds this acceptable food, it doesn't make their food nutritionally balanced. Their genetic and physical make-up is completely different to the OP. There is a whole host of different factors involved here from levels of activity/fitness/weight between the OP and the parents etc that needs to be taken into account before people here can dictate that this girl isn't being malnourished.

starvinghelpme wrote: »

btw as another example of what the parents consider acceptable meals - on saturday night the mum said we were having pizza for dinner. i was excited because i was so hungry. But do you know what the "pizza" was? Each person had half a courgette, sliced down the middle, as the base, and the topping was a few shards of sliced pepper. That's it, no bread, no cheese. That was our whole dinner.

Going by this as a dinner, which is usually the main meal of the day for most people. This would yield only about 77 calories. This is taking into account half an average courgette + 100g of sweet pepper. You may take 33 calories away if a tsp of olive oil isn't included in the preperation.

This stand alone item as the main meal of the day? This is absurd.

starvinghelpme wrote: »

I think I am being very underfed. Here's a typical day:

breakfast - an egg or 2 if there are any (I would eat more but there aren't enough) and a little bowlful of baby porridge (theres nothing else.)

lunch - leftovers, so either less than a handful of pasta, or some leftover lettuce and mushrooms.

snack - I can take a few peices of chopped fruit from the communal bowl, so a mouthful of orange and a mouthful of banana. (if the kids haven't already eaten it all.)

dinner - either vegetables on their own, or a handful of pasta, or a handful of some mush, god knows what it is. sometimes fried potatoes if we are very lucky. Ocassionally there may be a nugget of chicken or a flake of fish found in the mush.

then in the evening before bed we can sometimes have a slice of bread, or sometimes one scoop of porridge. I don't know how many calories this is, but it can't be enough.

This in no shape or form amounts to the nutritional needs of a relatively active person.


My advice, approach them. Explain that you don't mean to cause offence but you feel your nutritional needs are not being met as you are used to a lot more back home. Any reasonble family will understand this. If them don't take any action try find a new job or just go back home as it's not worth the obvious misery of malnutrition and not having much money.

Oh and shop in Aldi/Lidl exclusively from now on. Best of luck.

Overheal

Im in agreement with many. Again, I only survived on sustenance a short while. Would I do it again willingly? Probably not. In a pinch, sure.

You need to bring it up. You cant not bring it up.

In the meantime get in contact with an Agency and find work through an Agency. They are sure to be regulated in some way. Is this france or somewheres? Nvm. Its probably not terribly important where it is.

Have a meeting with them about the meals. Suggest they spend more, suggest they buy food more sensibly - whatever. Theres a lot of ways to stretch a Euro.

Then evaluate your position. Have you leverage? Can they do without you? Can you press your position? Face it youre now at least half in charge of raising their kids - your opinion matters to them.

While all thats going on, chat with an agency in your downtime. Explore all possibilities.

LegacyUser

ok thanks for the advice everyone. I think this is what I'll do:

Shopping day is saturday, so until then I'll just help myself to the frozen fish in the freezer (although I'm not sure there's enough to last until then.) If the parents notice and ask why I've been eating it, I'll say that I feel I need the protein and I am left hungry on the leftovers that are being provided. If they don't notice I've eaten the fish, then on friday night I'll ask them if they can add some extra chicken, fish and fruit to the list for me that I can prepare for myself for lunch and dinner. If they say no, I'll explain that I cannot live like this for a year, that they promised me "lots of chicken and fish" and that if I have to spend a year eating pretty much just child portions of pasta and fried onions, well, it's just not possible I'll have to go home.
btw I'm in Finland (I didn't want to say earlier as I don't really want to identify myself) and it's way more expensive here even than Sweden. I went to the supermarket today and bought myself 6 kiwi fruits and 3 peaches. That totalled 11 euros! I looked at the chicken section, one chicken breast is 8 euros! This is the cheapest supermarket in town. I can't afford to buy this food for myself and I understand if the parents also can't afford it but if they really can't then I don't think they can afford an au pair at all.