Mad about her, but disabled

LegacyUser

Hey guys, I'm a 20 yer old fella going into second year of college. I've wanted to do this post for a while. I'm not looking for sympathy, just guidance.

I have a physical disability, but not one that restricts me much. I can walk, run, cycle, play soccer, talk properly and I'm a generally nice person etc..

The past year, I've been hanging out with a girl, and we are pretty good friends. I'm totally mad about her and I've been flirting with her, and I dont think its been one-sided. Im probably the most shy person out of anyone. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm afraid that things would be difference once it's out in the open. As in, I would rather have her as a friend than not being able to talk to her comfortably anymore. And I think I would be fine if the reason for her rejection is that I'm disabled, but I need to know, but still too afraid to hear it.

Im probably over-reacting but I saw a Facebook image of her licking some guys face and it makes me extremely frustrated that I cant seem to find anyone. Is it time to stop trying?

bronte

Hey op,
If she's a reasonable decent lass I really don't think it should be a problem.
You seem to get along a lot and it would be a big shame if this held you back from a really great experience.
Why don't you have a chat with her about everything.
You'll never know unless you try.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I took a chance with a good female friend of mine. I was always mad about her and got the impression she might have liked me also. for months I didn't have the guts to tell her how I felt because I didn't want to ruin the friendship we had (and then make things awkward), and then one evening I just said F*ck it, if i don't tell her now I'll always regret it. So i told her how I felt.....she told me she felt the same about me, and we have now been going out over a year....

As for facebook, I wouldn't read into that too much. A lot of drunken pictures are posted up as you might know yourself, usually are harmless enough.

Best of luck

ManOfMystery

Her posting up some pic of a guy licking her face : having a bit of fun

you looking at her posting up a pic of some guy licking her face : some guy is all over her, it's not you, extreme frustration

Just tell her how you feel dude. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

star-pants

Well she has no issue with your disablity as a friend so she accepts you as you are (I assume). She flirts with you (you say it's not one sided) so why not ask her out on a date, see what she says?
Why wait forever and become more frustrated as she 'flirts' with others?

CRonaldo

dis8bled wrote: »

Hey guys, I'm a 20 yer old fella going into second year of college. I've wanted to do this post for a while. I'm not looking for sympathy, just guidance.

I have a physical disability, but not one that restricts me much. I can walk, run, cycle, play soccer, talk properly and I'm a generally nice person etc..

The past year, I've been hanging out with a girl, and we are pretty good friends. I'm totally mad about her and I've been flirting with her, and I dont think its been one-sided. Im probably the most shy person out of anyone. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm afraid that things would be difference once it's out in the open. As in, I would rather have her as a friend than not being able to talk to her comfortably anymore. And I think I would be fine if the reason for her rejection is that I'm disabled, but I need to know, but still too afraid to hear it.

Im probably over-reacting but I saw a Facebook image of her licking some guys face and it makes me extremely frustrated that I cant seem to find anyone. Is it time to stop trying?

Have you Cystic Fibrosis?

LegacyUser

Hey OP here,

Thanks for the advice guys.

To Cronaldo No, I have CP.

And in regards to the FB photo, I think I know her pretty well and shes not like that. So I'm a little confused, not extreme frustration as such.

star-pants

dis8bled wrote: »

And in regards to the FB photo, I think I know her pretty well and shes not like that. So I'm a little confused, not extreme frustration as such.

one way to sort out the confusion though, is to ask her out/ tell her you like her. It's a risk yes, but if you think it's worth the risk then go for it

LadyJ

Just a word of warning first. I don't know this girl so I can't say for sure but be careful that she's not the kind of girl who just flirts with everyone for attention. The picture of her licking someone's face kinda set a few alarm bells off for me when I read about it. As I said though, I don't know her and you do so just be sure.

With regard to your disability, does the CP even affect you at all or is it more of a cosmetic kind of thing? Just because I know a guy who has it but it only affects one of his hands.

I understand that your confidence may be fairly low due to the CP. The unfortunate part of having any disability is really the secondary disabilities that come with it, like low self-esteem etc. Do not let CP disable you any further than it does physically. Like you say, you can run, walk, cycle, play sports. You can do all of that stuff. Enable yourself to go that bit further and take control of your life. If she likes you, she likes you. If not then move on.

We are all rejected at some point in our lives for some reason. She may not like you because of your CP but she may not like you because you don't have brown eyes or your hair is too long or your personality isn't that of the kind of person she wants to be with.

My point is that we all have to take chances in life and sometimes they pay off and other times they don't. Sometimes, for whatever reason, the people we fancy will not fancy us but if you don't ask then you'll never know. The disability is only one aspect of you. Don't let it define you because (and I mean this in a positive way so I hope you understand) there are plenty of other things about you that may turn people on/off.

CRonaldo

dis8bled wrote: »

Hey OP here,

Thanks for the advice guys.

To Cronaldo No, I have CP.

And in regards to the FB photo, I think I know her pretty well and shes not like that. So I'm a little confused, not extreme frustration as such.

Oh Cerebral palsy? You must be a mild sufferer so, I mean remember Christy Brown. If she rejects you because of this then she is not worth it.

LegacyUser

thanks guys..

its getting extremely hard to tell her. The longer I wait the harder it seems...

I really dont think I can do it face to face. Facebook isnt a reccomended way of telling someone, but I think thats the only way I think I could.

Am I crazy to even think that she would be interested? Phrasing this is tough

LegacyUser

Why don't you say something to her along the lines of 'I think you're such a good friend, maybe better than I could have hoped for. You mean a lot to me! I really enjoy your company.' Gauge her reaction to that. If she is really enthusiastic bout what you say maybe push it a bit further..... and say 'Do you think really good friends can be more than friends or should they stay friends?'

Be really blasee and relaxed. That way it seems like you're just making convo but you're also probing to see how she feels. Nobody loses!

tbh

dis8bled wrote: »

thanks guys..

its getting extremely hard to tell her. The longer I wait the harder it seems...

I really dont think I can do it face to face. Facebook isnt a reccomended way of telling someone, but I think thats the only way I think I could.

Am I crazy to even think that she would be interested? Phrasing this is tough

don't do it over facebook. If you can't ask her out face to face, don't ask her out at all, imo. You're not crazy to think that she'd be interested, far from it, but I think if she's not interested, it's not necessarily because of your CP.

I think this is a classic case of fear of failure. You're convinced that she'll say no because of your CP, so instead of asking her, and confirming that, you don't ask so you still have the refuge of uncertainty. Dude, if you want something in this life, you have to go and get it. If she says no, she says no.

wexford202

Your disability shpuldn't affect her decision. She is your friend and it doesn't affect that. There is no reason why it should anyway.

You have to ask her and see what she says.

As a poster before said. Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Even if she turns you down you def aren't the first guy in the world to face a rejection. Some get it quite often.

Colonel_McCoy

I would tell her, no point bottling it up and regretting if she starts seeing somebody else.

Its better to know she likes you or not rather than always wondering.

Keewee6

dis8bled wrote: »

thanks guys..

its getting extremely hard to tell her. The longer I wait the harder it seems...

I really dont think I can do it face to face. Facebook isnt a reccomended way of telling someone, but I think thats the only way I think I could.

Am I crazy to even think that she would be interested? Phrasing this is tough

in the same boat myself i wouldnt tell her as she may say she likes u and back off - try flirting with her just dont put yourself on the line unless yr positive - how often do u see her??

ibarelycare

OP you seem like good friends with this girl. Do you ever see her one on one or is it usually in a group? If it's the latter, then why don't you casually ask her out, ask her if she's doing anything some evening after college and if not ask her if she wants to go for a drink, or drop into conversation that there's some film you want to see and would she like to go. See how things progress from there. Good luck with her

wexford202

Ok Facebook is a no no.

Is there any mutual friend that ye have that yu can suss out a little and see if she has ever givent a hint to that she might like you.

miralize

Hi, OP here, dont really care anymore if anyone sees this..

In the canteen with her now alone and both on facebook ... and talking away..

Keep trying to muster up any courage I have to tell her, but I just cant

miralize

How is

Before I say what im about to say, I'm expecting a definite no, but I have to say it, and please don't let this change our friendship.

I'm crazy about you. I'm not saying it in hope of a reply, I'm just trying to get rid of this bottled up emotion, thats been ongoing for a year. I know you know, but I don't care anymore.

I didn't say anything not because I was afraid of rejection, because I'm used to that, but because I was afraid of not being able to talk to you anymore. I've always chickened out whenever I tried to before and I regret it.

Peleus

that is crying out for a rejection.
"I'm expecting a definite no"
"I'm not saying it in hope of a reply"

You seem to be unsure of yourself and it seems pretty obvious from some of what u said there. If you really really want to get with her I really wouldnt do this but if you just want to get your feelings out regardless of the outcome then go ahead if it will make you feel better.

man, a girl is not going to want to go out with a guy who doest even have the balls to ask her in person. You have to work on being more confident in yourself if you want her to find you more attractive. if you are going to ask her out you have to do it in person.

miralize

I agree. Reading over it again it doesn't show any confidence. Oh well guess Ill just have to wait for another time.

I'm not sure what I want. And honestly I don't see her falling for me. So maybe saying it will help.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I have CP as well, much to extent you have it. I have had relationships & people being interested in me!
Go and tell her. If she is friends with you, she must be okay with you having CP.

Yes, there will be people who can't deal with people with disabilities, but you should not be insecure because of your disability.

So far in my life, I have met more people who are grand with my disability than have had a problem with it. Don't let CP disable you further- I feel like I am a more open minded and appreciative person due to my disability.

And it is part of you and nothing you can do about it. Just live your life and have confidence in yourself! (all very clichéd but true )

wexford202

unregme wrote: »

Hi OP,

I have CP as well, much to extent you have it. I have had relationships & people being interested in me!
Go and tell her. If she is friends with you, she must be okay with you having CP.

Yes, there will be people who can't deal with people with disabilities, but you should not be insecure because of your disability.

So far in my life, I have met more people who are grand with my disability than have had a problem with it. Don't let CP disable you further- I feel like I am a more open minded and appreciative person due to my disability.

And it is part of you and nothing you can do about it. Just live your life and have confidence in yourself! (all very clichéd but true )

Well fair play to you.

You are a true example of when you are confident in yourself and comfortable in your own skin everyone else will be too.

It is not as such that if one is disabled someone will run a mile, it's not that at all. It is someones shyness and them excluding themselves from the crowd that people will not interact and build a friendship. You are the same as all of us. If you want something you go for it.

One thing we all have to face in life is 90% of us will have some form of disability to face. Whether it is at 40 and one gets a stroke, whether someone is born with a disability or if someones body starts to fail through old. I know that I am turly in love with my husband and I have made the vow to him in sickness and in health and no matter what ailment life throws we will be there for each other.

OP please just ask her out.

Also if she says no which may be a possibility as we all may face rejection at some stage of or lives don't let it knock you. Whats meant to be will be.

miralize

unregme wrote: »

Hi OP,

I have CP as well, much to extent you have it. I have had relationships & people being interested in me!
Go and tell her. If she is friends with you, she must be okay with you having CP.

Yes, there will be people who can't deal with people with disabilities, but you should not be insecure because of your disability.

So far in my life, I have met more people who are grand with my disability than have had a problem with it. Don't let CP disable you further- I feel like I am a more open minded and appreciative person due to my disability.

And it is part of you and nothing you can do about it. Just live your life and have confidence in yourself! (all very clichéd but true )

Its not that I am completely devoid of confidence. I am really good at my job, and very outspoken in college. I can comfortably talk with her about anything.

I'll definately give it a go next time we're alone. I regret not saying it yesterday.

Thanks guys

Keewee6

best of luck - hope it works out for ya

username123

miralize wrote: »

Its not that I am completely devoid of confidence. I am really good at my job, and very outspoken in college. I can comfortably talk with her about anything.

I'll definately give it a go next time we're alone. I regret not saying it yesterday.

Thanks guys

Just SAY it!!! The bigger build up you make to it the harder its going to be for you!!! Youre torturing yourself!!!

I know its hard and youre afraid she will reject you and not want to be your friend anymore but chances are even if she doesnt want to be your GF she will still want to be your friend if you are polite and non weird about it if she says no!!!

Just say 'hey xxx, we're great friends, i have a great time when Im with you, what would you think about going on proper boy/girl date with me?'

If she says no, then say 'well cant blame a guy for trying' and be blase about it - she is going to be flattered even if she says no and as long as you stay cool your friendship will be intact except you asked her out on a date.

If she says yes........try to refrain from singing or dancing in joy and try to play it cool with a 'so where would you like to go' and then off you go and enjoy!!

miralize

I cant say it right now. I go to college in a different county, wont see her til Monday, and I have no idea when the next time I'm going to see her alone. Killing me that I had 2 hours alone yesterday to say it

spinandscribble

is there a friend who has seen the two of you together who you can ask if she/he has noticed her flirting with you? might boost the confidence to tell her.

don't go overboard on telling her how much you like her. it'll be harder to back peddle into the friend zone if it goes wrong.

Keewee6

miralize wrote: »

I cant say it right now. I go to college in a different county, wont see her til Monday, and I have no idea when the next time I'm going to see her alone. Killing me that I had 2 hours alone yesterday to say it

howd it go dude

miralize

I chickened out again. There's no point if you already know the answer.

Keewee6

miralize wrote: »

I chickened out again. There's no point if you already know the answer.

were ya chatting to her at all were ya flirting having a laugh - plenty more fish in the sea

miralize

Yeah just havin a mess after class. But i'm just too certain that's there's no point.

username123

miralize wrote: »

Yeah just havin a mess after class. But i'm just too certain that's there's no point.

Stop with the defeatist attitude - you wont know unless you ask!!! You cant go through life not taking a risk in case it doesnt pan out, there are some things worth taking the risk on!!
Risk it, ask her, but keep it jokey and non intense so if she isnt into a date you can pull back into friendship ground with minimal harm done, just you being a bit sheepish next time you see her.
Otherwise youre just gonna torture yourself with unrequited love, at least if she says no the upside is that you can find someone else to focus your affections on and move on.

wexford202

OP

you should just ask her. Even if you are convinenced that it will be a no.

Everyone gets turnd down every now and then. Even if she says no at least you know 100%.

Honestly even if she does say no it might still lift a weight off your shoulder and you can move on.

LegacyUser

OP, I am a girl and to be honest the only thing I can hear from you is negative and more negative, dressed up with some "woe is me".
There is NOTHING more unattractive than someone who puts you on a pedestal and thinks you are somehow the answer to everything.
Even if you ever do get the guts to tell this girl you like her and even if she likes you back, I can tell from all your replies that you would be the needy insecure boyfriend and no girl wants that.
You would never feel good enough for her and always feel that she can and will do better. It may all be in your head but it is that attitude that will drive her away.

Nothing to do with your disability my friend, more to do with the total lack on confidence in yourself as far as the female of the species are concerned.

Work on it before you venture your thoughts to her because women (like men) can smell neediness a mile away and it will send most running.

miralize

thanks for that. Thats the kick in the f*cking ass i needed I'm not gonna put it off any longer.

I hardly think I'll be needy, but I do get where you're coming from. As I said I dont suffer from a lack of confidence usually. And I suppose I should try new things, and if (not when) she rejects me, I'll move past it

panda100

Yupyup wrote: »

OP, I am a girl and to be honest the only thing I can hear from you is negative and more negative, dressed up with some "woe is me".
There is NOTHING more unattractive than someone who puts you on a pedestal and thinks you are somehow the answer to everything.
Even if you ever do get the guts to tell this girl you like her and even if she likes you back, I can tell from all your replies that you would be the needy insecure boyfriend and no girl wants that.
You would never feel good enough for her and always feel that she can and will do better. It may all be in your head but it is that attitude that will drive her away.

Nothing to do with your disability my friend, more to do with the total lack on confidence in yourself as far as the female of the species are concerned.

Work on it before you venture your thoughts to her because women (like men) can smell neediness a mile away and it will send most running.

Couldnt agree more with this post!

deise_dudette

Hiya

Ive CP as well and 4 years ago I started hanging out with this guy and I really liked him, and like I didn’t have the confidence to do anything about it, it was driving me insane. All my friends kept telling me to go for it but I was so embarrassed and kept telling myself why would he like me when there are loads of girls out there hed much prefer.

We were all out one night and I got chatting to him and having the usual craic and I got a bit of “dutch courage and told him that I liked him and even though I thought he was laughing at me, he was laughing with me… and it closing time at this stage so we went our separate ways.

The next day when I woke up, massive hangover of course, I realised what I had done I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me up. But that night he text me asking how I was and did I want to meet up during the week just us. Of course I said yes and he told me liked for ages he just thought I didn’t like him…. And im still with him to this day….

We have talked about my cerebral palsy, but he said it was never an issue in the first place and told me it never will be….

Tell her how you feel because the feeling maybe mutual and she may be thinking that you might not like her. Go for it because you have nothing to loose!!!!

And if she don’t there are plenty other fish in the sea !!!

Keewee6

miralize wrote: »

thanks for that. Thats the kick in the f*cking ass i needed I'm not gonna put it off any longer.

I hardly think I'll be needy, but I do get where you're coming from. As I said I dont suffer from a lack of confidence usually. And I suppose I should try new things, and if (not when) she rejects me, I'll move past it

well dude howd it go - hope it worked out - if it didnt ah well move on

miralize

Trying to find a time to be alone with her to talk. Hopefully soon

wexford202

Make the time OP

miralize

Its really nice to see all of your support.

I know the answer, but I'll give it a go anyway. Wont see her until Monday, shes always with our friend so its really difficult to catch her alone.

Virgil°

miralize wrote: »

I know the answer, but I'll give it a go anyway.

Dude seriously don't go out with that attitude. Whether you realize it or not this sort of attitude shows through even if you try to hide it.

shellyboo

Agree with Virgil above. No harm, OP, but your attitude is reeeeeeeeeeeeally unattractive. Meek and defeatist is not sexy. Confident is sexy.

miralize

I wont see her until Monday (and not alone til thursday), its either facebook or wait until thursday

Keewee6

wait.............

wexford202

text?????

Keewee6

text to meet her for some food maybe on monday - mmmmmmmmm food

HereKitty

Oh my God....I really can't stand the suspense of this
Good luck OP:)

petes

ffs you know this girl. I presume you have her number, yes?. Ring her. I've just read this thread and you say you are confident but not overly so. From the connotation of these posts I doubt that.

If you are great. Tell her. It's nearly a month since you started this thread.

If you don't tell her give me her number and I'll tell her for you.