Is this what sex is supposed to be like?

LegacyUser · 25-08-2009 9:41pm #1

So I lost my virginity a few years ago but since then have not had sex. Until this weekend

. The problem was that it brought up some questions that I had forgotten about since last time.

Now the event itself was a lot of fun. It came out of the blue but was was a sober casual thing. She enjoyed herself immensely and there were no 'equipment malfunctions' on my behalf, at least externally. My problem was that I did not really feel anything. Now I am not taking emotionally or anything, I actually just did not really have much sensation down there, while I sometimes felt that maybe I was maybe coming close to it I was never actually stimulated enough to come.

Now I was lucky this did not interfere with things with her, the fact that I was so turned on at having the whole sex thing; and that i love seeing a girl get off meant that she had no idea that I was having a problem.

Now perhaps this is a medical issue and should not be here but first I said I would ask, is this how sex is supposed to feel? I am not 'numb' or anything, there is just obvious, underwhelming lack of sensation, at one stage I did not even know if I was still inside or not. Now perhaps the problem is with a condom, I have always used them and dont actually know what non-condom sex is like. Perhaps if things go well with this one and she decides to go on the pill down the line we might stop but for now not using them isn't an option. Is there a huge difference with the feather-lite ones or are they much the same.

Any help or advice would be appreciated. We are meeting up again and i am presuming that the sex will happen again. But while I am looking forward to it I am feeling a bit underwhelmed. During my 'drought' I had an image in my head of what this was going to be like, nothing too porny but I had just presumed that it would more intense that solitaire sessions I was having myself. I am just afraid that next time it will be harder for me to perform and that she might catch on.

tbh · 25-08-2009 10:21pm

what kind of condoms did you use? I found that sometimes, the way you put a condom on stops the foreskin retracting, and you need that to happen.. BIG STYLE!

Khannie · 25-08-2009 10:31pm

+1 on that. Get that foreskin back before you put the condom on. Flippin snooze fest otherwise.

Snowie · 25-08-2009 10:39pm

oh and don't the ones with the thickness of a marigold either

so feather light are good so are pleasure max something or other...

LegacyUser · 26-08-2009 9:29am

Thanks for the replies guys. We were using just generic durex condoms so maybe I will try and get some of the slimmer ones for next time.

My foreskin was definitely back, almost too much so, but that a post for the circumcision thread. I'll take yer advice Alan Rouge, will go slower next time, see if that makes a difference.

Otis Driftwood · 26-08-2009 9:41am

The different brands have a different effect.A girl I was seeing insisted on me using durex extra safe and to be honest it was like there was a sock on my willy.Best ones Ive used are durex pleasure max,they are good for both parties.

Teferi · 26-08-2009 12:08pm

Jesus, those extra safe are a disaster. You might as well be wearing a marigold glove.

LegacyUser · 26-08-2009 12:32pm

Good on you Son blah blah blah.

Its different for some people and my experience is its better for me when I have an emotional/connection/relationship and am in a great relationship.

I am not a one night stand type of person but I have stamina and enjoy myself with the right person.

Mackman · 27-08-2009 2:14am

Extra safe ones are rubbish, try different types and find what works best for both of you

_ZeeK_ · 27-08-2009 2:18am

generic durex? durex fall into many categories.
durex 'performa' have a mild anaesthetic in them. numbs any sensation for you, but great for the missus. if you want to be feeling stuff, don't use them.

ardinn · 05-09-2009 2:48am

On another note she could have been as wide as a gate!!

Otis Driftwood · 05-09-2009 2:59am

Good one.

So what subjects are you going to do for your leaving?

Terodil · 05-09-2009 7:44am

Much good advice in here already. Went with ultrasafe for a while too, and *hated* them. I second the pleasuremax recommendation. Essentially, just experiment around until you find the one for you.

I want to add that you may have just picked a 'bad day'. I don't really know what causes them but I definitely have them occasionally. On those days, any number of things can go wrong, from 'equipment malfunction' (lol! nice one), no feeling, or even light pain, to not being able to complete. *shrug* I put it down to natural process variance. :cool:

CDfm · 05-09-2009 8:02am

unregistered wrote: »

My foreskin was definitely back, almost too much so, but that a post for the circumcision thread. I'll take yer advice Alan Rouge, will go slower next time, see if that makes a difference.

As you get more experienced you start to batter the equipment around a bit with added confidence. There are times when you get that mysterious feeling and you know when to go for the win for you. It might help to talk to your partner during sex on what you are feeling and how close you are etc.

hunter164 · 05-09-2009 3:06pm

I find featherlites are the best. Get some good feeling outa them. Elites arent great and pleasuremax broke me out in a rash :L

injured365 · 06-09-2009 12:50am

I cant stand condoms after an ex made me use extra safe all the time.......like running a marathon.......no fun at all with them.....has to be pleasuremax or featherlite really

FruitLover · 06-09-2009 1:08am

Try non-latex (e.g. Durex Avanti). Expensive, but it makes a difference. The only problem is that they don't stretch, so they can feel very tight.

Also, if you've been 'taking care of business' on your own a lot, this might explain a lack of sensitivity.

Mr Benevolent · 06-09-2009 2:39pm

Has to be the light ones. Alternatively, check if she's on the pill. Finally, most women are not very tight - it's a design thing.

SoupyNorman · 06-09-2009 6:55pm

Dont forget that it may not be all down to the condom. The first time with a new partner can be very nerve racking, whether you're totally conscience of it or not. You go and go and go and go, so uptight about doing a good job you forget to focus on yourself too.

I've always found the really great sex starts after the first few times and you really get comfortable with each other.

I also love using lube!

Tar.Aldarion · 06-09-2009 7:08pm

Just don't use durex pperforma, I made that mistake, didn't know I was having sex, but if you want a marathon go for it, I think I had to go until the anaesthetic stuff wore off.

Try like feather lite or soemthing. It's nothing like not using a condom, that's a billion times better, but at least with thinner ones it's way better.

moggser · 06-09-2009 7:22pm

or you could try lamp it on in there and go like the clappers till the good
part then whip it out wipe it in the curtains and have another poke at it:)

remember that there aint no such thing as premature ejaculation if
she cant keep up fcuk her lol

well all jokin aside u need protection and its all about finding what suits you i suppose
cling film's a no no anyway lol

challengemaster · 07-09-2009 11:51am

Yays:
Mates Skyn (highly recommend these)
Trojan *
Durex featherlite

Nays:
Durex performa
Durex extra-safe

Also, boots are doing a 2 packs for €15 offer at the moment!

star.chaser · 07-09-2009 12:00pm

Teferi wrote: »

Jesus, those extra safe are a disaster. You might as well be wearing a marigold glove.

yeah, like getting a massage while your in a sleeping blanket

Gillo · 07-09-2009 2:39pm

Confab wrote: »

Has to be the light ones. Alternatively, check if she's on the pill. Finally, most women are not very tight - it's a design thing.

If the OP is only starting in a relationship, I'd say stick with condoms. he doesn't know where she has been and equally he doesn't know where she has been. The pill may stop the pitter patter of baby OP's but it won't stop chlamydia.

OP, try different types, I've a feeling durex used to sell a variety pack. From experience I'd generally go with Avanti, cost a bit more but well worth the expense.

Also as someone else said cut down on the dragon choking or whatever you may want to call it, I found I used to grip very tight and as a result felt less sensation when I was at it with someone else.
(Mods hope that's not crossing the line for a public forum, just trying to help the OP, if it is feel free to edit it)

Dr Galen · 07-09-2009 5:55pm

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Just don't use durex pperforma, I made that mistake, didn't know I was having sex, but if you want a marathon go for it, I think I had to go until the anaesthetic stuff wore off.

Try like feather lite or soemthing. It's nothing like not using a condom, that's a billion times better, but at least with thinner ones it's way better.

hold on.....aren't you a girl? like a hawt female lesbian type of girl?

LegacyUser · 07-09-2009 6:50pm

Well guys (and gals)

Thanks for all the replies. We have tried out a few different things since last time and I am glad to say things are getting better. When I said that last time i was just using 'generic' dures I was actually mistaken, dont think there actually is such a thing. I was using the ultra-safe ones and yes, it was like wearing a marigold glove. Got a different type now and things are better, there was probably a bit of the nerves having an effect the first time as well.

So cheers for the advice, hopefully this is the start of something good. Seacrest out