Being stalked?

LegacyUser

Couple of weeks ago I met up with and had lunch with a girl I met off a dating site after a few days emailing. After we met I got a flood of emails and texts from her telling me how gorgeous I was and how she wanted to spend "special moments" with me and basically, wanted a relationship and got a "great vibe" off me. She wanted to meet me again the next day and I thought it would be a good opportunity to put things straight, as quite honestly, she doesn't attract me at all. Which I did.

Trouble is after saying it a 2nd time in person after this, I think this lady thinks she's in love with me and I get a lot of text messages and uninvited telephone calls (which I don't answer) despite having told her not to ring me during working hours. A couple of days ago I told her the text messages were too much, it would have to stop, and I thought it was the end of it. Luckily she doesn't know where I live, only has my personal mobile number, and doesn't have my personal email address. I closed my account on the dating site I met her on to stop her emailing me also there.

However today I got a text, and a phone call a couple of hours later. I haven't answered but I'm just a little worried now that the message hasn't gone out strongly enough and how far she's likely to go in pursuit. I thought that a silence would make a difference but I'm beginning to realise that her relentless pursuit is nothing much to do with how I respond or not, but the delusions she has in her head about me, and I'm worried about how long this could go on for. I'm a bit nervous as really I don't know much about this woman, and she seems rather intense. She's never been with a woman so I think she's transferred years of fantasising onto me, and doesnt want to let go.

Any suggestions, aside from ignore all attempts to contact me?

lycopodium123

sounds like your pretty average, run of the mill lesbian to me, lol! (i'm a lesbian myself and cant, for the life of me understand why they carry on like this! but from my experience, its quite common!)
reply to her next text with "do you realise you are behaving like a stalker and that you're actually starting to scare me?" hopefully that will mortify her enough to cop-on and leave you alone! seriously tho, does she think this kind of behaviour makes her more appealing or something?!!

BettePorter

hi,
funny, i basically logged on today to write a variation of the op's problem.
i've met two women off dating sites and the sames issues have arisen. immediate utter devotion! one i met in March and to this day i'm still getting phone calls/ msgs/ emails/ msns, declaring undying love. and when i think i've got my point across, i hear nothing for a few days then i suddenly get a generic text saying, 'hi how are you today' ! wtf ! what is the story on lesbians like this. also every lesbian i seem to meet on these sites is 1. obsessed with computer games/online poker/ 2. suffers from depression. 3. hates the world.4 eats nothing but junk food 5. knows what a pair of tweezers is and how to use them !
are there no lesbians out there who, like to socialise with 'real' people, have a healthy view of life, likes to eat healthily, doesn't get suicidal when you say ' you're just not my type ! if they're out there, i've yet to meet one.

at this stage i'm thinking of turning to men !

lycopodium123

lol, i havent had the pleasure of meeting the online games/poker types yet, although, that did give me a good giggle!
It's really annoying that so many are such weirdo's, do straight girls carry on like this? I dont think they do - or at least, percentage wise, not as many of them do!
the big question is though - where do we get to meet the decent ones? i suppose we always have the "one-night-a-month nights, where everyone is about 15 and pissed as farts, fighting with ex's and smashing glasses to prove how big and strong they are" to look forward to.....lol! oh god, give me strength!!!

BettePorter

QUOTE=lycopodium123;61802529]lol, i havent had the pleasure of meeting the online games/poker types yet, !![/QUOTE]
haven't you ? oh well you're in for a treat. thats all i seem to meet. what did you do last night ?...............i did 53 different kinda applications on facebook and i've sent them all to you ! i just don't get that! every lesbian i meet online, seems fine, we get on for a while, text mail etc.............but they're uber keen to meet up, move in, and get married. i think i need to meet someone who looks like a woman but has the relationship mentality of a man, easy come , easy go. someone who has friends outside the internet would be a bonus too !

lycopodium123

i think you're asking for WAY too much BettePorter! lol

BettePorter

right that's it i'm never watching the l word again........false advertising !

lycopodium123

god, if only it were like that in real life.......YUM!!!

BettePorter

well personally my life is exactly like the l word.:D..............it's just the lesbians i meet who aren't !

Fancy That

Hey All...am new to all this but im hearing what you all are saying!!

I have come across alot of these stalker'ie types and they have left me wondering if i will ever meet a nice decent girl. So much so that my trips on the scene are few and far between..sometimes it seems easier to avoid these places for the sake of a quiet life and also in the hope that i will be swept off my feet by some amazing sane girl wanting the same as me. In saying that the poker ones have not crossed my path yet..lol...thank god for that!!

As for annoymous post i do feel so sorry for you as this is not easy and with the scene been so small we all gotta be as nice as possible in our ways of letting someone down. I do think the best course of action is to not answer or reply or even react to this ...it does work unless this is a new breed of lesbian born to this era!! lol...anyways good luck...

hmmmm...have i just gone off in a rant :cool:

carly_86

hi ya cant brand every1 like that.

lycopodium123

BettePorter wrote: »

well personally my life is exactly like the l word.:D..............it's just the lesbians i meet who aren't !

and you're exactly like Bette Porter.....?! ah, now i understand why they wont leave you alone....lol

carly_86

BettePorter wrote: »

well personally my life is exactly like the l word.:D..............it's just the lesbians i meet who aren't !

OH I would love a life like the Lword

Fancy That

i agreee not everyone is like that...but a vast percentage on the scene do come in under this category...unfortunately

Now where are all the L word girls hanging out.......:rolleyes:

carly_86

Ya true they can be a bit 2 much

BettePorter

just once it would me nice to meet a non stalkeresque, femme, mentally stable woman.......................who just happened to be a lesbian !

Fancy That

Pleased to meet you too Miss Porter.....:D

LegacyUser

Ok, a bit extreme actions of the so-called stalkers but surely, as we all are, they are doing the best they can in an imperfect world....

BettePorter

Fancy That wrote: »

Pleased to meet you too Miss Porter.....:D

yes ! but where are you when i'm on these sites, in these clubs?

Holopimp

I'm a straight chick, but I had issues with a bisexual friend who started to stalk me. She came out to me last November and soon after kept trying to make moves on me despite me rejecting her on every occassion. Like your case, she had never been with a woman before, so I think she saw me as a safe person to try this with and was projecting all her feelings and fantasies onto me.

The final straw came when she tried to split me and my boyfriend at the time up by making a fake facebook profile as 'the other woman' and writing to me to say he was cheating. It was transparently her, though. I could tell from so many small things. And that profile has gone dead now.

Finally she started texting like mad, e-mailing and turning up at my house. I had to seek advice from a friend who works for victim support, who told me I had to write to my friend and tell her not to contact me in person, by e-mail, letter, text, phone or any other method. This covers you should the person become more weird and step up the stalking, as any further communication is an infringement of the law. Hopefully you won't have to go so far as report it though.

I haven't reported my ex-friend, though she has contacted me twice recently. I have just ignored her.

Just thought this advice may help a little if she keeps on.

Fancy That

BettePorter wrote: »

yes ! but where are you when i'm on these sites, in these clubs?

Probably in a straight bar chatting to straight girls...lol...:D

To be honest i dont do the scene too often, so where are you when i am there?? ....and as for the websites i have met 2 ex-girlfriends on there and had a wondeful relationship with one in particular .

So maybe there is a little hope....

renraw

I hope ye don't mind a gay guy saying something? I had the exact same problem! It was either break his neck or go to the cops. He wouldn't leave me alone and because I had no interest (or ever would), he started to say some really messed up stuff about me. My car was keyed and nearly €2,000 worth of damage, couldn't prove a thing :mad: Luckily, the police sorted it because it was bordering on harrassment and bullying. He hasn't come near me since.

Fancy That

Jez Renraw thats pretty bad alright...if carlsberg did stalkers or what !!

So do you ever see this guy on the scene anymore?? Me personally, if i did i would probably leave the pub with fear...:(

lycopodium123

holy god renraw! and we thought we had it bad with the lessies texting us all the time?! lol! so yeah, have you seen him since? it's not like you can avoid people on the scene here.....

BettePorter

Fancy That wrote: »

Probably in a straight bar chatting to straight girls...lol...:D

To be honest i dont do the scene too often, so where are you when i am there?? ....and as for the websites i have met 2 ex-girlfriends on there and had a wondeful relationship with one in particular .

yes but its the after relationships that seems to be problem.....i'm all for meeting people and maintaining a relationship should we click but for some there doesn't seem to be any in between. it's like the minute you make any kinda contact, they're talking about the future and asking you to move in. or the constant requests for validation......' you haven't told me you love me in 3 hours, what's wrong? are you ok? you seem distant? .........yes i'm distant, i only met you last bleedin week ! the irony is at this point i think i'd actually be attracted to a girl if i met her and she told me she hated me, didn't want to see me again !............then i in turn would be the stalker !! chicken and the egg time !

Fancy That

Im hearing you Ms Porter....i once went out with a girl that would ring/text me double text/ring back when no answer all day every day and no matter how many times i would hint that i was heading out with friends/family..i.e. hint hint don't call....it never worked...jez it drove me insane:mad: so needless to say it was releif to be rid.

I mean do girls actually think that if they stalk you and freak you out enough that one day we might just wake up and say "ah yes...sher she's trying hard il give her a go" ...ahhh noooo....complete opposite....

Is it a needy type person, crazy or just severe lack of independence??

give me strength....

lycopodium123

yeah, i dunno, its a tough one, the fact that there's such a definite thread of "insanity" amongst us means that there must be a definite underlying reason, not just "ah, thats lesbians for ya!"
its hard to know what that reason is (but would bloody well LOVE to figure it out cos believe me, i've been in some very tricky situations over the years!), i think the best thing to do in these situations is just tell it how it is and then say no more, delete them from your facebook, msn, etc and they get the message...................eventually!
plus, i think you can spot signs of it very very early on in most cases so if you take the opt-out clause at that stage it usually doesn't escalate to full-blown madness (although, sometimes it does, lol)

so......... who wants to meet up this weekend? LOL

Fancy That

lycopodium123 wrote: »

so......... who wants to meet up this weekend? LOL

count me in...lol...seriously it would be nice to have few people to have a laugh with and whom we know are on same wave-length....maybe we could right these wrongs over a few Coronas by an open fire...:)

lycopodium123

Fancy That wrote: »

maybe we could right these wrongs over a few Coronas by an open fire...:)

ah now come on FancyThat, you know saying things like that will get every lesbian in Ireland trynna meet up....lol

shoegirl

Fancy That wrote: »

i agreee not everyone is like that...but a vast percentage on the scene do come in under this category...unfortunately

Now where are all the L word girls hanging out.......:rolleyes:

Here, actually.
Unfortunately its in Los Angeles, California.

BettePorter

lycopodium123 wrote: »

so......... who wants to meet up this weekend? LOL

But i don't need to meet you !...............i'm standing outside your window !!!!!:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::D

BettePorter

but seriously we should set up some club where only 'sane' lesbians would be considered for membership. we could have them fill out a questionaire to filter out the stalkers ! then we could have an, ' i've had the most psychotic/stalker story' competition !

shoegirl

Fancy That wrote: »

I mean do girls actually think that if they stalk you and freak you out enough that one day we might just wake up and say "ah yes...sher she's trying hard il give her a go" ...ahhh noooo....complete opposite....

Is it a needy type person, crazy or just severe lack of independence??

First of all, I don't think ALL women behave this way, just a number (unfortunately too many).
And yes, I think some straight women do it too.

First of all, I thnk the "stalker" from the OP is transferring her ideals onto this lady - if she's made it clear she doesn't want a relationship, any continuous "begging" for a "chance" is symptomatic of not accepting the rejection and feeling that somehow, if only given a "chance" she can "seduce" the OP. This is delusional, but it doesn't mean she's crazy - it means she's got things very, very wrong, and probably feels she hasn't been given a fair chance. Thats not unreasonable to feel, BUT the OP should not feel under pressure to give anybody a chance she's not interested in. Who anyway would want to date somebody who has no interest in them?

Its actually sometimes harder to handle rejecting than it is a rejection as its quite flattering to hear how wonderful you are from somebody, but you don't want to shoot people down. Its easiest to verbally make things clear and reiterate it as much as possible. But if you are being bombarded with texts and getting uninvited phone calls - make it clear that this is not acceptable and that they will not be answered.

If this person persists in piling on the adoration I think its important to make it clear that you cannot maintain any sort of friendship under those circumstances and that they will have to stop or the friendship will come to an end.

Good point from renraw - actually I know quite a few gay guys who really gave exes a hard time after a breakup or rejection.

Can sympathise with OP and think the dilemma is "do I reply to be nice and hope against hope that it isn't misread as a come-on" or ignore as this person is unstable enough to continue ignoring the clearly stated fact that you've reiterated several times that you don't share her feelings and are not interested. I think since this is somebody you don't know, the best bet is to ignore - you really don't have the safety or luxury of knowing that this lady won't turn on you if you keep in touch or try to keep things at friendship level, in fact I get a distinct impression that any sort of frienship would be viewed as a potential backroad to a relationship.

I think the main thing I would advise to anybody who is meeting people on dating sites is either hide your email address (most services allow you to do this) and don't tell them anywhere identifiable where you live or work, just in case. Some people might be too unstable to understand that turning up at homes or workplaces isn't on.

And ladies, there are lots of nice women out who are femme, normal and sane. I will be at Kiss myself on Friday with 2 equally sane friends, so there will be at least 3 of us!

lycopodium123

BettePorter wrote: »

But i don't need to meet you !...............i'm standing outside your window !!!!!:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::D

YAAAAAAY, all my dreams have come true!!! (now fcuk off, lol)

i'd win the psychotic stalker story competition, hands down (from the point of BEING stalked that is, not the other way around!), in fact, i have 2 whoopers!!!

and did you mention "sane lesbians"? it better be one LONG list of questions to reach that point.......sure we're all mad, even us on this thread,

shoegirl

I was going to add a cautionary tale of a near-stalker experience that happened to me 10 years ago, but you'd all think I was a right bawdy slut if I told you the full details.

BettePorter

shoegirl wrote: »

I was going to add a cautionary tale of a near-stalker experience that happened to me 10 years ago, but you'd all think I was a right bawdy slut if I told you the full details.

oh go on, you know you want to !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Fancy That

..i guess if we weren't so god damm perfect there would be no reason to stalk us ...:D:D:D

go on Shoegirl you gotta spill.....

Fancy That

And to add...i'm well up for a "Girls from boards" who wanna have fun night....seriously.....

Well sick of the 'little' bit of scene i visit....

Thoughts...???

lycopodium123

Fancy That wrote: »

And to add...i'm well up for a "Girls from boards" who wanna have fun night....seriously.....

Well sick of the 'little' bit of scene i visit....

Thoughts...???

will it involve an open fire, candles, red wine, dvd's and loads of pink fluffy things??! LOL!

and Shoegirl, go on, spill! or just the gist of it for now......
although, i seriously think mine will top them all!!! I'm actually laughing here thinking about it!! HOLY GOD is all i'll say for now! lol

BettePorter

yeah that would be cool, though it could backfire coz all the stalker types are reading this now and in fairness if you're a stalker you probably don't acknowledge it ! so i can only speak for myself, and what if i turn up to the meet and you're all friggin stalkers ! it would be like invasion of the body snatchers ! i'd have just got rid of one stalker and gained 6 at a anti stalker convention ! you know the saying; 1 in 5 people are unbalanced, pick 4 friends, if they seem ok............you're the one !!!!!:D

renraw

Fancy That wrote: »

Jez Renraw thats pretty bad alright...if carlsberg did stalkers or what !!

So do you ever see this guy on the scene anymore?? Me personally, if i did i would probably leave the pub with fear...:(

Iv seen him once or twice, always cross to the other side of the road.....guy is demented.....I park my car a mile from where i live now

lycopodium123

BettePorter wrote: »

yeah that would be cool, though it could backfire coz all the stalker types are reading this now and in fairness if you're a stalker you probably don't acknowledge it ! so i can only speak for myself, and what if i turn up to the meet and you're all friggin stalkers ! it would be like invasion of the body snatchers ! i'd have just got rid of one stalker and gained 6 at a anti stalker convention ! you know the saying; 1 in 5 people are unbalanced, pick 4 friends, if they seem ok............you're the one !!!!!:D

could be worse.......no-one could show up to meet you at all......

BettePorter

ah now here !...............that would be the ultimate insult............sitting there dolled up to the nines with the realisation that not even the nutters want me !

lycopodium123

but imagine all the "sane" one's who read this and turned up instead.....heeheehee

Where's the OP by the way?!!

BettePorter

lets hope her 'stalker' hasn't been reading this and taken her 'single white female' obsession a step further !!:eek:

Fancy That

BettePorter wrote: »

ah now here !...............that would be the ultimate insult............sitting there dolled up to the nines with the realisation that not even the nutters want me !

Awwwwwwww.....you could always pay us...lol...:D

...Lycopodium you should start on your stalker story get the ball rolling ......and I in the mean time will try an un-erase parts of mine from my memory...:eek:

So where are you guys based..or is that a bit stalkirie?? ( getting paronoid!). Im in the west. Just so as we can see if it is possible to organise a meet......

lycopodium123

Fancy That wrote: »

Awwwwwwww.....you could always pay us...lol...:D

...Lycopodium you should start on your stalker story get the ball rolling ......and I in the mean time will try an un-erase parts of mine from my memory...:eek:

So where are you guys based..or is that a bit stalkirie?? ( getting paronoid!). Im in the west. Just so as we can see if it is possible to organise a meet......

ok, re your 1st point - there's a word for people like that......lol

and I couldn't possibly tell my story here......what if one of you lot were her??!!!! (although, you can spell most words correctly, so I'm guessing you're not, lol!)

I'm in the east......

BettePorter

it is a bit strange that the OP hasn't been back on.
BUT
maybe there never was an OP !:eek:
maybe it's one of you lot that began this thread in the first place:eek:
maybe you have a penchant for vulnerable, stalker-sensitive lesbians:eek:
maybe this is all reverse psychology, and you in fact ARE the stalker:eek:
maybe you're MY stalker !!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek::eek::eek::eek:
there's only one way to find out!.....................do you have severe facial hair ?????????????

lycopodium123

BettePorter wrote: »

it is a bit strange that the OP hasn't been back on.
BUT
maybe there never was an OP !:eek:
maybe it's one of you lot that began this thread in the first place:eek:
maybe you have a penchant for vulnerable, stalker-sensitive lesbians:eek:
maybe this is all reverse psychology, and you in fact ARE the stalker:eek:
maybe you're MY stalker !!!!!!!!!!!!!!:eek::eek::eek::eek:
there's only one way to find out!.....................do you have severe facial hair ?????????????

no, of course I don't have severe facial hair!!!!! How rude!!!!! I shave first thing every morning!!!!

Fancy That

lycopodium123 wrote: »

ok, re your 1st point - there's a word for people like that......lolquote]

Entrepreneurs???:D

Re: Facial hair...all gone since this morning....NICE....:D

Imaginations are running riot i see.....lol....healthy sign perhaps...active mind...no time for silly games...stalker activities..etc etc....

BettePorter

lol very good, ye are all very witty lesbians !!!!!!!!!!! again i ask where are you all when i'm looking casue i'm finding nothing but nutters and hermaphrodites!!!!!
North East..............in best stalker tradition we should draw a line between all the points and nominate the dead centre ! we'll end up somewhere around roscommon i reckon !