Off Limits?

SeekUp

I used to think that ex-partners of friends were off-limits . . . and then my best friend started dating my ex boyfriend! At the time I was really upset, but I got over it (and it didn't last long anyway!).

Now, I don't think it'd bother me at all -- I've definitely been apart from all of my exes long enough to have plenty of distance.

So what about you? Would you have a problem with a friend dating an ex? Has it happened to you? Have you done it? Did everyone end up happily ever after?

IvyTheTerrible

I suppose it would depend on how bad the break up was, how "over him" I was, and how long it had been since the break up.

I'd probably prefer not, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to stand in the way of a friend's happiness.

Raze_them_all

SeekUp wrote: »

I used to think that ex-partners of friends were off-limits . . . and then my best friend started dating my ex boyfriend! At the time I was really upset, but I got over it (and it didn't last long anyway!).

Now, I don't think it'd bother me at all -- I've definitely been apart from all of my exes long enough to have plenty of distance.

So what about you? Would you have a problem with a friend dating an ex? Has it happened to you? Have you done it? Did everyone end up happily ever after?

There's only one of my ex's that I'd consider to be off limits my friends have even said they'd never touch her without me having to say she's off limits.

I've no problems with my friends and my ex's, In fact I set two up and they are now living together

johnny_knoxvile

would it be "off limits" to date an Ex's mother or father?

SeekUp

johnny_knoxvile wrote: »

would it be "off limits" to date an Ex's mother or father?

No, that's perfectly acceptable, of course!

Snowie

what about x gfs sisters?

Raze_them_all

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

what about x gfs sisters?

More than one sister???

Go for it. LKet me know what it was like when you get outta hospital :pac:

Snowie

Raze_them_all wrote: »

More than one sister???

Go for it. LKet me know what it was like when you get outta hospital :pac:

well there's two I went out with one for a couple of months. a long time ago.
The x turned round to me and said you should ask my sister out.
to which I'm a bit shell shocked.
So I've more or less got permission to ask my xgfs sister out.

Raze_them_all

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

well there's two I went out with one for a couple of months. a long time ago.
The x turned round to me and said you should ask my sister out.
to which I'm a bit shell shocked.
So I've more or less got permission to ask my xgfs sister out.

Ah that's different, if the girl tells you to! I thought you meant on the QT.
Lol could be the ex messing with ya and her sis is a psycho!

Snowie

Raze_them_all wrote: »

Ah that's different, if the girl tells you to! I thought you meant on the QT.
Lol could be the ex messing with ya and her sis is a psycho!

I wouldn't do that to any one I knew its just just show you've got no respect....
Nah I've got more in common with her sister then the X .....

what ta do ......

CathyMoran

I do not think that they should be off limits unless they were a really bad break...having said that, allow some time.

Novella

If my best friend, or any of my friends actually, really liked an ex of mine, I wouldn't be too bummed about them being together. Well.... except maybe my first boyfriend, not sure why though!

SeekUp

Novella wrote: »

If my best friend, or any of my friends actually, really liked an ex of mine, I wouldn't be too bummed about them being together. Well.... except maybe my first boyfriend, not sure why though!

Yeah, I really think it'd depend on the depth of the relationship as well . . . any of my ex boyfriends, take them. But if I were to break up with my current, I don't think I could handle seeing one of my friends with him.

CathyMoran

Novella wrote: »

If my best friend, or any of my friends actually, really liked an ex of mine, I wouldn't be too bummed about them being together. Well.... except maybe my first boyfriend, not sure why though!

one girl went out with my ex the day after though...

Novella

SeekUp wrote: »

Yeah, I really think it'd depend on the depth of the relationship as well . . . any of my ex boyfriends, take them. But if I were to break up with my current, I don't think I could handle seeing one of my friends with him.

Yeah, I mean I was besotted with my first bf even though I was only a wee one! I'd still be like "Nooooo!" if he was with any of my friends.

CathyMoran wrote: »

one girl went out with my ex the day after though...

Ouch. That sucks.

Nervous Wreck

I had a thing with my best friend's ex a few years ago... He wasn't overjoyed about it but I guess he figured us being friends was more important than him being upset about it. If he ever touched my ex, I'd beat the crap out of him. I'm less mature, I guess.

Ginny

TBH my problem would be more that an ex is an ex for a reason, I more then likely wouldn't want them in my life again, and having a friend go out with them would keep them in my life and social circle.

Aoibheann

It hasn't bothered me thus far - provided enough time had gone by (a few days is NOT enough, thank you. :pac: That's just horribly inconsiderate.). In fact, like some others here, I have set up an ex (one of my best friends now) and a friend of mine in the past.. That didn't end well however, because she was jealous of myself and him being friends (which we were both before and after a very amicable break up).

People are strange.

skywards

I can't picture myself caring. Hm, I've never thought about that before =P.

Magenta

CathyMoran wrote: »

I do not think that they should be off limits unless they were a really bad break...having said that, allow some time.

All my break ups were really bad! I wouldn't be happy with my friends going out with them, I don't want any reminders of the break ups and there's more than enough men in the world for them not to.

Magenta

Ginny wrote: »

TBH my problem would be more that an ex is an ex for a reason, I more then likely wouldn't want them in my life again, and having a friend go out with them would keep them in my life and social circle.

Yes, that's it exactly.

Nervous Wreck

Ginny wrote: »

TBH my problem would be more that an ex is an ex for a reason, I more then likely wouldn't want them in my life again, and having a friend go out with them would keep them in my life and social circle.

That view to me sounds either immature or like you've never had a positive break up. I've had relationships before that ended really well, with no ill feelings, and I've kept the girls in my life.... Two of my best friends are exes that I love deeply (on a platonic level) and will endeavour to keep them in my life for as long as I can!


Edit: I don't mean to be pedantic by calling you 'immature' btw... I didn't actually mean to imply that you are... Just making a point about break-ups not having to be doom n'gloom is all!

Wibbs

Very much depends on the ex relationship and how intense it was and the breakup was. Brief easy going affair, no bother. Heavy duty luurve and all that, nope. I wouldnt go off with any of my mates exes either. Just wouldn't occur to me really. If they are or have gone out with one of my friends they cease to be women in that way to me. Don't know why, but its always been like that.

Ginny

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

That view to me sounds either immature or like you've never had a positive break up. I've had relationships before that ended really well, with no ill feelings, and I've kept the girls in my life.... Two of my best friends are exes that I love deeply (on a platonic level) and will endeavour to keep them in my life for as long as I can!


Edit: I don't mean to be pedantic by calling you 'immature' btw... I didn't actually mean to imply that you are... Just making a point about break-ups not having to be doom n'gloom is all!

Well thats your view, I am in the same social circle as one long term ex (7+) years and all it caused was hassle, with my last Ex (again long term) He joined my social circle when we we together and the drama he caused during the breakup was very disruptive, I hated that my friends were dragged into his crap, and tbh if i don't see him again it would be too soon. Him being involved in my social circle again would be a disaster.
I think any serious long term relationship will have lingering feelings and emotions, one person is always hurt more then the other no matter how amicable it is, and I think its easier for all concerned if you aren't friends for a while. In relation to brief teenage flings I'm good mates with all of them and their partners, that's easy and fine, but when there's love involved thats a different story.

MJOR

Ginny wrote: »

TBH my problem would be more that an ex is an ex for a reason, I more then likely wouldn't want them in my life again, and having a friend go out with them would keep them in my life and social circle.

This is what would bother me too..... the social circle. It'd also depend how much they knew about the relationship!

ardinn

There's always 1 who is off limits!

A "friend recently did this "1" (literally) and I was pulled out of a car coz I was on my way to his house to kill him. Luckily too coz I think I might have actually killed him had I got there.

It depends on the x and always be aware that there is 1 person you are completely not allowed to see. EVER.

Its been about 5 months since and im slowly getting over it - But i will never speak to him again and he would be wise to stay the hell away from me.

But any of my others are fair game to be honest - I know a few who would be well suited to some of my mates

In the end it depends on the friend - the x - the break-up - the situation!!

Completely random really!!

g'em

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

Edit: I don't mean to be pedantic by calling you 'immature' btw... I didn't actually mean to imply that you are... Just making a point about break-ups not having to be doom n'gloom is all!

I'd hazard a guess that the doom n' gloom break-ups greatly outweigh the positive ones though. Getting over an ex generally means having to get rid of them compeltely from your life for a while, and having them re-enter your social circle if you aren't yet over them (or worse, they're not over you) is a recipe for disaster for everyone involved. Why would anyone want to consciously court drama like that?

I certainly wouldn't de-friend anyone who decided to date an ex of mine, and the majority of my exes are from so long ago that the feelings have long since disappeared, but I'd trust that any true and good friend would have the common sense and decency to steer well clear until they knew that our friendship wouldn't suffer.

jellie

Wibbs wrote: »

Very much depends on the ex relationship and how intense it was and the breakup was. Brief easy going affair, no bother. Heavy duty luurve and all that, nope.

pretty much exactly what i was gonna write. if it was a short unimportant thing, few dates or whatever then its not a big deal. if it was a big ex, long term, heartbreak etc then its just not on.

Maybe it is because of my particular group of friends.
I honestly can't imagine being able to look at their ex's in a remotely sexual way. It just stinks of incestuousness.

Kimia

Only have 2 exes and they were both very very long term and very intense. I am friendly with them both (from afar) but it would be too weird if they were to start dating one of my friends. I doubt my friends would even be able to do it, as Moonbaby says it would be incestuous!

Censorsh!t

I wouldnt like it...but thankfuly I have very very few exes...and they werent very close.
Still wouldnt really like it though

Futurecrook

I'm still good friends with two of my exes. We were friends before we started going out and had amicable breakups so I would have absolutely no problem with any of my friends going out with them. In fact I would more than willingly set them up. But one of my exes is totally off limits as we had an awful relationship and a horrible breakup. I would hate to have to be around him again or to see a friend go through what I went through with him.

squelch

i've only had two boyfriends... think i'd be fine with anyone going out with the first one but i'd have a major problem if any of my friends started seeing the second one....
i dunno, guess it depends how long ago it was and what the relationship/breakup was like.....

my first boyfriend came out a while back by way of snogging another boy in front of me (i hadnt seen him in a while) and i found it more amusing than anything else.....

shellyboo

Hmm... I'd have no problems with a friend dating any of my exes, as long as I wasn't expected to socialise with said friend and said ex. That would just be painful.

I don't think there can be a hard and fast rule, I'd consider it on an ex-by-ex basis :P Obviously people would have less of a problem seeing someone they broke up with with a friend, than seeing someone who dumped them with a friend.

iguana

I'd have no problems with most of my exes dating a friend. My first ex wasn't a very nice person in some ways, so I'd worry about any friend dating him, but if he's grown up it wouldn't bother me.

However if my husband and I ever got divorced for any reason I very much doubt I'd ever be ok with one of my friends dating him. Too much has passed between us for me to be comfortable with him dating any of my friends.

dublingal80

Well I only have 1 proper ex of a couple of years, and everyone I know hated him so that sorts that one There were a few guys I only saw for a month or two, nothing serious, so I wouldnt care about them

1_in_1,000,000

Hes you'r ex. EX. You have no claim to him when hes gone so let him do what he want's.

my sister married one of muy ex's :eek: But its ok with me mostly exept when he has a few drink's some times and think's i still fancy him eeuw

jellie

1_in_1,000,000 wrote: »

Hes you'r ex. EX. You have no claim to him when hes gone so let him do what he want's.

yes hes in the past tense, and most people would like to keep them there, not all over their best friend/sister/whatever.

1_in_1,000,000 wrote: »

my sister married one of muy ex's :eek: But its ok with me mostly exept when he has a few drink's some times and think's i still fancy him eeuw

well thats great that you would do it, but in cases where the breakup was painful a lot of people would find it difficult.

1_in_1,000,000

sar84 wrote: »

yes hes in the past tense, and most people would like to keep them there, not all over their best friend/sister/whatever.



well thats great that you would do it, but in cases where the breakup was painful a lot of people would find it difficult.

nah, not painfull i dont' kknow how she put's up with him hes like a child. but they all are

shellyboo

1_in_1,000,000 wrote: »

Hes you'r ex. EX. You have no claim to him when hes gone so let him do what he want's.

I do expect loyalty and compassion from my friends though. So if I had gone through a painful breakup with someone who treated me like crap, or I still had feelings for an ex, I'd expect my friends to respect that and not bring that person back into my life, or hurt me by dating them.

It's not about controlling what your ex does, it's about the boundaries of friendship and what's important.

Rozabeez

This is a toughy but it really depends on a range of situations. Are we talking closest friend and an ex from something serious and long term? Or someone you 'dated' for awhile and a friend you're not particularly close with?

It'd really have to depend on the situation for me.

Pinky Pixie

I personally wouldn't really go for friends exs mainly because I've hear my friends moan about how soul sucking their relationships have been with them! My friends also have a tendency to pick cheaters!

Although in saying that...most my friends at some point have gone out with someone I have dated or have gone out with in the past. I am fine with it . Usually I do the heart breaking so there is no problem with them having my leftovers I suppose if ya have a circle of friends or interlinking friends it kinda easy to cross paths with friend's past boyfriends.

One of my friends have even gone to the point of marrying my ex!

Wibbs

Other than I wouldn't do it, I'm lucky in that it's never come up. All my mates would have very different tastes. I can't think of any of their exes I'd want to go near and they would be the same I reckon. I could be wrong, but I think more blokes would take issue with this?

Will

I went out with a girl in first year of college, lasted a while but parted ways for various reasons. She invited herself to my birthday :pac: and ended up getting with a mate. They're still together now, almost 4 years on. Bit weird to say the least.

Handsome Bob

I'm not sure that we would say to each other that "she's off limits", however it's something that has never come up. I don't know what it is but when I meet a firend's girlfriend and get to know her, something just clicks in my brain, and I just see her at the least as my friend's girlfriend or at best a friend. Attraction doesn't come into it for me.

*giggles*

This sort of thing is over dramatised, you're probably thinking of Mean Girls, you know "Ex-boyfriends are just off limits to best friends, that's just like the rules of feminism".
I got over this sort of thing and I'm sure you can too.
He's not worth it if he'll do that etc.

Azureus

There is one of my exes that my friends (i hope!) would know is off-limits. I dont have feelings for him in that way at all anymore, but at the same time we are still friends and it would really hurt to see him with a friend of mine. That said, I wouldnt stand in the way if he/my friend really wanted to go there-but I would certainly like them to ask me before odoing anything-its just boundaries of friendship/respect/manners

I couldnt imagine ever EVER being ok with a friend dating my current bf if we broke up. maybe i say that now cause im crazy bout him, but i think its more to do with the fact that we've been through so much together and that something is ours, not a friends.

Other than these two, no permission needed and they can get with other exs as they see fit