There's a badger in my boiler

My name is URL

I was half asleep / half fapping to Skins lesbian action when all of a sudden I heard this awful sound

It was like nothing I heard before

I thought at first that a cat had been hit by a car and was dieing but I couldn't see anything so I went around the back of my house and heard the sound again

It's coming from the boiler house.. I turned the light on and looked through the ventilation lats

There's a fcuking badger in there!

I had accidentally left the door open last night and closed it this morning while heading out and never noticed it

What should I do? It seems pissed and there's a bit of distance between the boiler house and my back door, so if I let it out it'll probably go for me

halp!

Ruu_Old

Get that chap with the newspaper to have a look at the badger for you.

piby

Well whatever you do don't let it trick you into giving it the car keys . . .

No seriously just use a broom or something to open the door and then just run away!

Thanks for reminding me Skins was on I looove that episode!

My name is URL

Ruu wrote: »

Get that chap with the newspaper to have a look at the badger for you.

lol

These are the perils of being a muck savage

c0rk3r

Before you do anything get a video camera and record whatever you do.

gamgsam

Cover yourself in marmite

He'd have to be a dirty fecker to eat you then

brummytom

my re teacher said badgers are relly dangerous so dont touchit.. do uou have an rspca thing there?call them

Poor Uncle Tom

Did it hurt........I need to know before I herd any badger towards my ample boiler.........we're talking metaphores, right.

Ro: maaan!

Does the door open in or out? If out, open it but leave it closed over. It will eventually push up against it and escape on it's own. If in, do as other poster said, push it open with something long and hard. Or a brush if you're worried it will go for you.

Senna

FFS, be a man and punch it between the eyes, Chuck Norris style

shenanigans1982

Leave it till tomorrow then call a friend/relative around for something unrelated then ask them to check the boiler.

Gummy Panda

Roll up a magazine and use it to hit the badger.

Dartz

Light the Boiler.


Badgers are supposed to be nice roasted....


Either that... or try Mushrooms.

thomond2006

There's bees in my dungerees, ants in my pants and grass in my ***.

What to do?

RonMexico

Leave it in there and call some bloke to service the boiler tomorrow and make sure you video the resulting carnage.:D

Seriously take a photo or something. We must have footage!!

Poor Uncle Tom

shenanigans1982 wrote: »

Leave it till tomorrow then call a friend/relative around for something unrelated then ask them to check the boiler.

There's actually a badger, ok we're in recessionary times you are sorted for food for the week. Whack it anywhere that makes it easier to put it in a pot. Get carrots, spuds, no cllery I hate cellery, Oh by the way I'm coming to dinner.

My name is URL

I did as Ro: maaan! said, just hid like a pussy behind the door until it went out

It's still out the back though, harassing me

http://i28.tinypic.com/if2ys7.jpg

thanks guise!

they're nothing like they are in Apres Match =p

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejYxgCgshfk

Pj!

Somehow, this might help

Poor Uncle Tom

My name is URL wrote: »

I did as Ro: maaan! said, just hid like a pussy behind the door until it went out

It's still out the back though, harassing me

http://i28.tinypic.com/if2ys7.jpg

This is very important, URL, do you have a pot big enough?

Armin_Tamzarian

Before confronting it make sure you're carrying a stick.
When the badger bites into your leg, snap the stick.
The silly old badger will have been listening out for the sound of your bone breaking and the sound of the stick snapping will fool him.

Thanks to me you now won't suffer a broken leg only a mere flesh wound.
Well, unless the stick doesn't break of course. :cool:

Leftyflip

He's watching yooooh!

Poor Uncle Tom

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Before confronting it make sure you're carrying a stick.
When the badger bites into your leg, snap the stick.
The silly old badger will have been listening out for the sound of your bone breaking and the sound of the stick snapping will fool him.

Thanks to me you now won't suffer a broken leg only a mere flesh wound.
Well, unless the stick doesn't break of course. :cool:

How about try lettin him bite the bloody stick and save the leg....

Armin_Tamzarian

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

Thanks to me you now won't suffer a broken leg only a mere flesh wound.
Well, unless the stick doesn't break of course. :cool:

Or it might have rabies and your fucked.

Armin_Tamzarian

Poor Uncle Tom wrote: »

How about try lettin him bite the bloody stick and save the leg....

The badger might be silly but he's not retarded.

jumpguy

Shoot the bastard! Trespassing of the highest drgree.

Poor Uncle Tom

Armin_Tamzarian wrote: »

The badger might be silly but he's not retarded.

Genius, you can tell that from one photo....

zonEEE

If you are going to tackle it somehow, wear a pair of wellys with little twigs in them as when a badger hooks onto ur leg he wont stop untill he hears a crack. Farmers usually use that as he hears the twig snaping and thinks its your leg

Super-Rush

My name is URL wrote: »

I was half asleep / half fapping to Skins lesbian action when all of a sudden I heard this awful sound

It was like nothing I heard before

I thought at first that a cat had been hit by a car and was dieing but I couldn't see anything so I went around the back of my house and heard the sound again

It's coming from the boiler house.. I turned the light on and looked through the ventilation lats

There's a fcuking badger in there!

I had accidentally left the door open last night and closed it this morning while heading out and never noticed it

What should I do? It seems pissed and there's a bit of distance between the boiler house and my back door, so if I let it out it'll probably go for me

halp!

He can smell you, he's randy.

shenanigans1982

My name is URL wrote: »

I did as Ro: maaan! said, just hid like a pussy behind the door until it went out

It's still out the back though, harassing me

http://i28.tinypic.com/if2ys7.jpg

That picture looks like it was taken from inside the boiler where he now has you trapped.

Joey the lips

Phone Bear Gryllis. He does wonderful things with badgers

The Big Red Button

Forky wrote: »

Somehow, this might help

That is brilliant and strangely hypnotic!

My name is URL

strongr wrote: »

If you are going to tackle it somehow, wear a pair of wellys with little twigs in them as when a badger hooks onto ur leg he wont stop untill he hears a crack. Farmers usually use that as he hears the twig snaping and thinks its your leg

I heard of that before, the only drawback is that the badger still needs to get a hold of your leg

that ain't no good =p

I think it's gone now anyway, or plotting a takeover

shenanigans1982 wrote: »

That picture looks like it was taken from inside the boiler where he now has you trapped.

Not far off tbh

This thread would have been a lot more interesting if it was a beever on yer old boiler.

itsnotmyname

is'nt anyone in the least bit worried about the poor badgers welfare ???:D

JONJO THE MISER

Aww the poor badger, we shall call Mr Scufel:cool:

waraf

Shave it quick. People pay top dollar for badger hair shaving brushes. He'd probably look cool with a brazilian too...:D:D

Poor Uncle Tom

itsnotmyname wrote: »

is'nt anyone in the least bit worried about the poor badgers welfare ???:D

He's probably back in Cork by now.

gamgsam

Forky wrote: »

Somehow, this might help

Hahaha that's great, my nephew is going mad now

badger badger badger badger!!!!

Duff

gamgsam wrote: »

Hahaha that's great, my nephew is going mad now

badger badger badger badger!!!!

Tell him to go to bed! It's nearly 1 a.m!

JONJO THE MISER

Duff wrote: »

Tell him to go to bed! It's nearly 1 a.m!

Aww sure its the summer holidays, my sisters youn fella is still up painting the kitchen and he is only 8.

Local-womanizer

Forky wrote: »

Somehow, this might help

Argghhhh!I thought I had got away from that song:mad:

Its nearly as bad as the Llama song:mad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMYN4djSq7o

Hippos with Noodles!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMUsXnHdGbA&feature=PlayList&p=675C94AE66BD7F1F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=31

bonkers

Duff wrote: »

Tell him to go to bed! It's nearly 1 a.m!

BADGERS HAVE NO BEDTIME

Banter Joe

Forky wrote: »

Somehow, this might help

That's some freaky ****.

Super-Rush

shenanigans1982 wrote: »

That picture looks like it was taken from inside the boiler where he now has you trapped.

Classic:pac::pac:

JONJO THE MISER wrote: »

Aww sure its the summer holidays, my sisters youn fella is still up painting the kitchen and he is only 8.

Ya gotta love child labour

zonEEE

Local-womanizer wrote: »

Argghhhh!I thought I had got away from that song:mad:

Its nearly as bad as the Llama song:mad:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMYN4djSq7o

Hippos with Noodles!!!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LMUsXnHdGbA&feature=PlayList&p=675C94AE66BD7F1F&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=31

i really dont think you can get any worse then this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wnE4vF9CQ4

If he's still in there, he'll be needing some of this soon.

Or failing that, take him to his favorite pub!

RonMexico

The only man to get rid of Badgers is old Bob Fleming

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLdv6gler_M

Local-womanizer

strongr wrote: »

i really dont think you can get any worse then this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wnE4vF9CQ4

That song is catchy!

Jako8

strongr wrote: »

i really dont think you can get any worse then this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wnE4vF9CQ4

But the song is soo catchy.

Jesus Juice

Those wacking vertebrates will give you TB.
Becareful with that shit!!

Shacklebolt

Give him a banana and he might go away.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wky5H1xC6-I