saved christian with non-christian partner?

karenk83

Hi just looking for some views from saved christians.
I know how i feel bout this and any ones opinion will not change my mind on it but am curious to see what the general belief is amongst people who regard themselves as saved christians.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i live with him. We are not married. I was a saved christian when i was younger and drifted away. Just before i met my boyfriend i went through a very self-destructive phase and he pulled me out of that. We moved in together after a year and are really happy. In recent months on a personal level i have been uneasy about my faith and want to return to the assurance of saved christianity. I believe that this can parrallel with me remaining to live with my boyfriend as my faith is a deeply personal thing between me and god. A friend recently expressed the view that i should not be in a relationship with a non-christian. I do not agree. Just interested in any views you may have. Sorry for long post, just wanted you to understand situation.

BrianCalgary

I haven't a problem with entering a relationship with a person of another faith.
Issues always will arise at the time of children coming.

Be aware and discuss them beforehand.

All the best on your spiritual walk as you grow in your knowledge of Christ.
Have you got a good church to go to?

karenk83

Hi brian thank you for that. To be honest have become very disillusioned with the religion i grew up with and feel that it doesn't fulfill me. My sis however who is saved is part of a very small church community which i think i will follow up on. Im glad that a saved christian agrees with my opinion on this as i was confused when my friend advised me otherwise and panicked. However my wonderful sis stepped in to put me right. My faith is very important to me and to be honest i dont think i've ever stopped believing, just been clouded, possibly the work of Satan. My biggest hurdle to my salvation is plain and simply accepting the fact that i am saved. My relationship with my boyfriend does not pose a threat to this. He is 100% supportive and he has to make sacrifices to support me in this. I love him deeply but have an entirely different love for god. There are things that are challenging about our situation including saved christians looking down on me which i find perplexing. Thank you for your opinion, much appreciated.

philologos

amoro75, the best advice I can give you is look to 1 Corinthians 7 it deals with Christians being in relationships with non-believers. It isn't explicitly forbidden at all in Christianity.

As for your friend saying that you should not be in a relationship with a non-Christian, in this case that is entirely up to you. The Biblical line from Paul is, who knows, you may save your husband (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).

On a personal level, I'm not sure if I could be in a relationship with someone who could not understand my faith, but this is a decision that's entirely up to you, and kudos for seeking advice on it.

I'd also recommend sitting down and discussing it with your pastor.

karenk83

ps no issue wil arise with children because he knows that any child of ours would have to be brought up in the faith of christianity and he has no direct issue with christianity just strugles to believe it himself.
Any opinions from other people whether they agree with me or not are very welcome as i am curious.

karenk83

Jakkass wrote: »

amoro75, the best advice I can give you is look to 1 Corinthians 7 it deals with Christians being in relationships with non-believers. It isn't explicitly forbidden at all in Christianity.

As for your friend saying that you should not be in a relationship with a non-Christian, in this case that is entirely up to you. The Biblical line from Paul is, who knows, you may save your husband (1 Corinthians 7:12-16).

On a personal level, I'm not sure if I could be in a relationship with someone who could not understand my faith, but this is a decision that's entirely up to you, and kudos for seeking advice on it.

I'd also recommend sitting down and discussing it with your pastor.

Thank you for that. Will look those verses up and would like to talk to a pastor but must be one who is truly saved and unfortunately they are not as common as one might imagine.
In a strange way i think my boyfriend has led me back to my faith because he led me away from a lifestyle that was the opposite of christian. I am a firm believer that God works through people, saved or not.

PDN

amoro85 wrote: »

Thank you for that. Will look those verses up and would like to talk to a pastor but must be one who is truly saved and unfortunately they are not as common as one might imagine.
In a strange way i think my boyfriend has led me back to my faith because he led me away from a lifestyle that was the opposite of christian. I am a firm believer that God works through people, saved or not.

As a pastor who definitely is saved I'm afraid I'm going to be the one to disagree with the consensus of opinion here.

I see two potential problem areas. One is the issue of you cohabiting with your boyfriend. Unless this is purely platonic (ie non-sexual) then that is going to cause problems since Christians see sexual relationships as being solely within a marriage covenant.

The other problem is that the New Testament advises believers not to be 'unequally yoked' with unbelievers. This IMHO includes both business partnerships and marriages. For a Christian to knowingly enter into a marriage with an unbeliever means that you can't share the most important part of your life with the person who means the most to you. Nobody ever wants to hear this advice, but as a pastor I spend too much of my time counselling those who ignored it and now regret it.

I realise this isn't what you want to hear, and the last thing I want to do is to say anything that would discourage you from returning to your Christian faith. However, sugar-coating the truth isn't going to do any good in the long term.

karenk83

PDN wrote: »

As a pastor who definitely is saved I'm afraid I'm going to be the one to disagree with the consensus of opinion here.

I see two potential problem areas. One is the issue of you cohabiting with your boyfriend. Unless this is purely platonic (ie non-sexual) then that is going to cause problems since Christians see sexual relationships as being solely within a marriage covenant.

The other problem is that the New Testament advises believers not to be 'unequally yoked' with unbelievers. This IMHO includes both business partnerships and marriages. For a Christian to knowingly enter into a marriage with an unbeliever means that you can't share the most important part of your life with the person who means the most to you. Nobody ever wants to hear this advice, but as a pastor I spend too much of my time counselling those who ignored it and now regret it.

I realise this isn't what you want to hear, and the last thing I want to do is to say anything that would discourage you from returning to your Christian faith. However, sugar-coating the truth isn't going to do any good in the long term.

Ok i asked for opinions. As far as the first problem goes that issue is addressed and my christian faith dictates that, which my boyfriend entirely respects.
The second problem. What does unequally yoked actually mean? I can share my christian faith with him and i do. I pray for him to be saved and would continue to do that. Why do the people you mention regret it?
Plus when you say advises, is that a command or an ideal or what? The question i'd like you to answer is do you believe that if i as a saved christian marry a non-believer i cannot gain salvation?

robindch

PDN wrote: »

A friend recently expressed the view that i should not be in a relationship with a non-christian.

PDN wrote: »

For a Christian to knowingly enter into a marriage with an unbeliever means that you can't share the most important part of your life with the person who means the most to you.

I'm not a christian so please ignore this here post or not as you wish.

That said, I must agree with what PDN has said is the central issue here, which is, as far as I can understand from your OP, that for the christian denomination of which you're a member (or of which you wish to be a member), adherence to the tenets of the religion are more important than your ties to your boyfriend. If your bf is ok with taking second place in this way, then you should be able to make a future together, even if it's probably going to be quite bumpy at times especially for your bf. If he's not happy with this (and as a non-christian, I certainly wouldn't be), then it's probably best to cut things short now.

I'd also second what BrianCalgary says above regarding kids -- if your bf doesn't endorse your religious views, then the way in which you introduce your religious beliefs to your kids certainly will cause problems, unless you agree on exactly what's to be done beforehand. And even then, it's unlikely to cause much long-term happiness.

My two cents worth of advice is that you should figure out how important your religion is to you and how important your bf is to you, and choose the one which matters more and drop the other -- from your limited description of both, it doesn't sound like they're going to cohabit all that happily.

Slav

Amoro, it looks like together you've been through many things. Keep it this way. If you are committed to each other, if you see your future together then I believe there is nothing wrong with this from Christian perspective. Don't destroy what you've built together simply because your boyfriend is not Christian. Remember that God wants us to love Him and love each other; replacing and with or would be simply wrong.

However (and I'd like to be wrong here) what you said about your Christian group/church sounds a bit worrying for me. Too frequent use of word saved, an extreme (as I see it) view on relations with non-Christians expressed by your friend, then "small church community"... Maybe I'm just too suspicious because of my background (i.e. calling ourselves "saved" and reducing soteriology to "simply accepting the fact that I am saved" is already quite bizarre in my particular denomination) but please examine them carefully before joining in. Things to look at is how much control this church has over its members personal life, are they recognised as Christians by bigger Christian denominations, etc. It's just some safety measures as joining a wrong group might have very serious consequences.

In short, don't worry too much about your relations, don't worry about your faith, do your research about the church/denomination you are going to join.

God bless!

PDN

amoro85 wrote: »

Ok i asked for opinions. As far as the first problem goes that issue is addressed and my christian faith dictates that, which my boyfriend entirely respects.

I'm impressed. When I was an unsaved guy I know I wouldn't have been so understanding.

The second problem. What does unequally yoked actually mean? I can share my christian faith with him and i do. I pray for him to be saved and would continue to do that. Why do the people you mention regret it?

The reason they regret it is because Jesus Christ wants to be #1 in our lives. If our faith is like a hobby, then a Christian can dwell happily with a non-Christian just as if one were a stamp collector or one was into ballroom dancing. But real Christianity affects every aspect of our lives - and then can cause problems when it means taking a course of action that requires faith but seems foolish or impossible to the unbeliever.

For example, I think of one couple who were recently building an extension on their house. The contractor offered to save them 5,000 euro by getting paid in cash and fiddling the VAT. They couldn't afford to get the work done otherwise. The Christian wife wanted to pay the VAT, unable to reconcile stealing with her Christian vaues but believing God would honour her honesty. The unbelieving husband insisted that was foolishness. Either she is left feeling compromised by participating in fraud or he is left resentful at spending money they didn't need to spend because of her 'excessive' honesty.

I think of another couple where an Christian husband feels a strong call to work as a missionary in an orphanage in India. He has made a few short trips and raises money through sponsored events. His non-Christian wife says that charity begins at home and she is fed up with him thinking of such things. This guy would love to make positive change to the lives of children in India, but he holds back because he has to keep his wife happy.

These are the kinds of situations pastors have to deal with every day.

Plus when you say advises, is that a command or an ideal or what? The question i'd like you to answer is do you believe that if i as a saved christian marry a non-believer i cannot gain salvation?

Tbh I think that's the wrong question. If you're looking for a list of things that are the most you can get away with and still be a Christian then I'm probably the wrong guy to talk to. I'm into the kind of faith that seeks to give Jesus the maximum I can, not the minimum.

But, no, I don't think marrying an unbeliever will stop you getting saved. I do think it is likely to have a detrimental effect on finding joy and fulfillment in living as a Christian, but that is a separate issue.

Please understand, I'm not saying any of this out of a desire to spoil your fun or anything - quite the opposite, in fact. I've had a number of people come to me for advice on this issue over the years - and I don't think a single one of them have liked the advice I gave them. I've had whole families leave the church because they didn't appreciate my stance on this. Others have kept going the rounds of pastors until they finally find one that gives them the advice they want to hear - but for some reason, once things go pear-shaped, I seem to get called in to help them pick up the pieces.

The worst thing that could happen right now would be for your boyfriend to make a 'tactical conversion' to keep you happy - pretending to be a Christian so a potential obstacle to marriage and happiness is removed. That is never a good idea, since there are too many hypocrites in the churches already.

I think the best way of looking at this thing is to start exploring your faith again, and see how it goes from there. If a choice has to be made then pray that God will help you make the right choice. Meanwhile, pray that God will reveal Himsef to your boyfriend in a real way.

I have a cousin who was in a similar position to yourself. She prayed and her boyfriend came to a real genuine faith in Christ. The ironic thing is they broke up two months later, and are now both committed Christians who found and married Christian spouses. He is now the pastor of a church.

Fanny Cradock

Hard hitting but also encouraging stuff, PDN.

keano_afc

I'd have to echo everyting PDN has said there, I've seen far too many occasions where "date evangelism" has had the opposite effect and had a detremental effect on the Christian in the relationship.

As is often said, its easier to be drag somebody down than pull them up.

Slav

It all looks like you guys are treating non-Christians as a second class human beings. Christians pay taxes, help Indian children, are pulled up, while you can expect pretty much anything from non-Christians that would be an obstacle for their partners to live their Christian life and be saved goody-goodies...

Is not it way too simplistic?

PDN

Slav wrote: »

It all looks like you guys are treating non-Christians as a second class human beings. Christians pay taxes, help Indian children, are pulled up, while you can expect pretty much anything from non-Christians that would be an obstacle for their partners to live their Christian life and be saved goody-goodies...

Is not it way too simplistic?

Your misreprentation of our views is certainly way too simplistic. Nobody has suggested that non-Christians are second class human beings

I have shared some real life illustrations of what can and does happen.

homer911

+1 wrt the responses from PDN and Keano. I cannot imagine being in a relationship with a non-christian. Good relationships are hard enough work without having that extra friction.

Gurgle

PDN wrote: »

As a pastor who definitely is saved

Oh the humility :P

PDN wrote:

For a Christian to knowingly enter into a marriage with an unbeliever means that you can't share the most important part of your life with the person who means the most to you.

1 Corinthians 12 wrote:

If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. [13] And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. [14] For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

Slav

PDN wrote: »

Your misreprentation of our views is certainly way too simplistic. Nobody has suggested that non-Christians are second class human beings

That's how I read it as a Christian. God only knows what (mis)interpretation a non-Christian would come up with. Would be glad to be wrong.

I have shared some real life illustrations of what can and does happen.

To be honest, they don't sound very convincing for me. I'm nearly positive that the real problems with that couples are somewhere else. Replace the extension building couple with both being atheists or agnostics and it does change anything. Replace the second couple with atheists and it still wouldn't invalidate the example. Or Indian orphanage with fishing. Anything. That sort of things do happen very often in all families regardless of their faith or the lack of one. If they can come over it together that reveals their love; if they can't it reveals the lack of it.

Fanny Cradock

Gurgle wrote: »

Oh the humility :P

You seemed to have missed the point. Nobody has said that it is wrong for a Christian and a non-Christian to marry, only that such a relationship can lead to strains when it comes to matters of faith.

philologos

I think it really depends on what you read "unevenly yoked" as. It would seem a bit ridiculous if Paul said that it was permissible to marry an unbeliever in 1 Corinthians, and then in the 2nd letter which makes reference to the first letter just dismiss what he had previously said.

Gurgle

amoro85 wrote: »

I believe that this can parrallel with me remaining to live with my boyfriend as my faith is a deeply personal thing between me and god.

I'm an athiest married for 12 years to a saved christian.

We both entered this relationship with eyes wide open, (as you and your boyfriend are obviously doing) and the difference in our beliefs has led to many an interesting all-night discussion.

Respect each others beliefs and there is no reason for conflict.

If anything, the respect for differing beliefs is a kick-start which will lead to a lifetime of mutual respect for each others opinions on all topics.

PDN

Gurgle wrote:

Oh the humility

Yes, humble enough to believe God's Word instead of thinking that I know better.

Jakkass wrote: »

I think it really depends on what you read "unevenly yoked" as. It would seem a bit ridiculous if Paul said that it was permissible to marry an unbeliever in 1 Corinthians, and then in the 2nd letter which makes reference to the first letter just dismiss what he had previously said.

So where in 2 Corinthians does Paul advocate a believer marrying an unbeliever?

He certainly encourages those

already

married to an unbeliever to stick with and pray for their spouse, just as any of us would, but that is a very different thing from encouraging anyone to enter into such a relationship.

philologos

PDN wrote: »

So where in 2 Corinthians does Paul advocate a believer marrying an unbeliever?

He certainly encourages those married to an unbeliever to stick with and pray for their spouse, just as any of us would, but that is a very different thing from encouraging anyone to enter into such a relationship.

2 Corinthians makes reference to the material in 1 Corinthians. (2 Corinthians 7:8) and how it produced a "godly grief" which caused people to turn away from their sins.

I wouldn't say that there is anything explicit forbidding Christians marrying non-Christians in the Biblical text. I personally would be wary of it myself, but there does not seem to be a clear prohibition.

prinz

Just a couple of quick questions relating to this one, what is a "saved" Christian, as opposed to every other Christian..

From a personal experience meeting my OH brought a change in my life that I'd never go back on. Our relationship has been nothing but beneficial to us both, and she was instrumental in my rekindling a relationship with God. So it can work. That said in the beginning we were on shaky ground where her parents were concerned :pac:. Perhaps they thought I would "drag her down" as someone said. The opposite happened, for which I am grateful. We don't always agree on things, but we make a point of respecting our differences on any matter in which we don't have a consensus viewpoint.

As PDN pointed out, it does open a can of worms when it comes to moral issues, ethical issues, even politics.. and to make the relationship work there must be understanding, acceptance and a willingness to listen in abundance. It can be difficult at times, but for the OP talking about how she is viewed by others - take a second to see how your OH may be viewed by others, it can be an equally large and difficult step for the non-Christian in the relationship, and he will also be making sacrifices etc., in order to keep the relationship healthy.

So it can work. But with a lot of work and effort from both parties. Not sure about cohabiting though, if you want to live a truly Christian relationship... I know I could never have done it. The flesh is weak.

PDN

Jakkass wrote: »

2 Corinthians makes reference to the material in 1 Corinthians. (2 Corinthians 7:8) and how it produced a "godly grief" which caused people to turn away from their sins.

Most biblical scholars are in agreement that this refers to the situation in 1 Corinthians where Paul advised them to kick a guy out of the church who was having it off with his step-mother. Now, in 2 Corinthians, he has repented and broken off the sinful relationship, but the Corinthians were refusing him readmittance to the church because they felt he hadn't suffered enough for his transgressions. Paul is saying, "Look, if the guy is truly repentant then accept him back, otherwise Satan will use this to cause more damage."

Interesting stuff, but nothing to do with this thread.

Just a couple of quick questions relating to this one, what is a "saved" Christian, as opposed to every other Christian..

According to the Bible, a saved Christian is one who has repented of their sins, placed their faith in Jesus Christ for their salvation, and is sincerely trying to live their life in accordance with the teachings and example of Christ.

That, in my book, should include every Christian. However, in these fora the word 'Christian' is often used to denote anyone who thinks of themselves as Christian, even if it's only a cultural badge of identity with no ethical demands. So we have 'Christians' who quite happily carry out ethnic cleansing and genocide against their Muslim neighbours in the Balkans.

Zombrex

Slav wrote: »

That's how I read it as a Christian. God only knows what (mis)interpretation a non-Christian would come up with. Would be glad to be wrong.

I was in a local shop on a Sunday with my husband recently. I'm a devout Christian but he is a non-Christian. We passed a woman selling pins for a local charity, so I suggested on the way out we give her some money. My husband was buying the papers and we found that we did not have enough cash for the papers and to buy a pin of the lady outside. I, following my Christian instincts, suggested that we put back some of the papers so we had money left over to give to the lady outside. My husband though, being a non-Christian, suggested that he shoot the cashier in the head, steal all the money from the till, and on the way out give some of the money to the old lady. Or pistol whip her and take her money. This exchange I feel highlights the challenges that a Christian can face when in a relationship with a non-Christian.

How is that for misinterpretation

Seriously though I think if the OP's husband is partial to the odd bit of illegal tax fraud she has bigger problems than him simply being a non-Christian.

Having said that I can still think of plenty of examples where her being a Christian and him not could cause friction in a marriage without that necessarily implying that one of them is some sort of immoral criminal.

My advice to the OP would be to discuss this stuff up front now rather than waiting for situations to arise. Have a think about the topics that you feel strongly about and then discuss/challenge your partner on them. Don't simply assume he takes the same stance as you do just because he is a good person.

For example, if one of your children turned out to be gay could you support and be happy for them if they entered into a homosexual relationship? Or if one of your children decided to have an abortion could you support them with that?

I'm not suggesting that you wouldn't, but these may be issues that if the time arises you need the support of your partner, and if you and your partner clash on these issues finding out when you are actually deal with them is not ideal. The last thing a child going through a tough time needs is parents debating ideology.

That of course applies to all relationships, not simply Christian/Non-Christian ones. Being a Christian, I assume (I'm not a Christian), simply means that you already know your stance on a lot of issues, so that provides a good starting point to discuss this stuff with your partner.

Gurgle

prinz wrote: »

As PDN pointed out, it does open a can of worms when it comes to moral issues, ethical issues, even politics

PDN is preaching in parables (as usual) about how only true Christians have any morals or ethics in the first place.

PDN wrote:

As a pastor who definitely is saved

This doesn't read as self-aggrandization to anyone but me?
"Listen to me, I'm definitely on Gods 'good boy' list"

PDN

Gurgle wrote: »

PDN is preaching in parables (as usual) about how only true Christians have any morals or ethics in the first place.

No, I'm not. I'm pointing out the kind of conflicts that can, and do, occur when one person's actions and plans are motivated by a faith in God and a set of absolute values rather than relativism or personal preferences. You might not agree with me, but please don't post untruths about me.

This doesn't read as self-aggrandization to anyone but me?
"Listen to me, I'm definitely on Gods 'good boy' list"

No, I'm on the list of those who freely admit themselves to be moraly bankrupt sinners. Stop trying to get offended.

prinz

Gurgle wrote: »

PDN is preaching in parables (as usual) about how only true Christians have any morals or ethics in the first place.

Once again, this didn't take long to get to the us v. them level. PDN 'preached' nothing of the sort. Any chance you could stick on topic on this one? You cannot be unethical, immoral, and a true Christian at the same time. PDN was pointing out the difficulties that may arise. Perhaps the non-Christian partner in the relationship has more morals and ethics than the 'Christian'.... the same problems arise. Take religion out of the equation all together and if two people have completely different sets of standards and behavioural codes, then naturally conflicts arising out of the exercising of each persons code will occur. A Jew and a gentile, a socialist and right winger, a Rangers and a Celtic fan...

karenk83

Gurgle wrote: »

I'm an athiest married for 12 years to a saved christian.

We both entered this relationship with eyes wide open, (as you and your boyfriend are obviously doing) and the difference in our beliefs has led to many an interesting all-night discussion.

Respect each others beliefs and there is no reason for conflict.

If anything, the respect for differing beliefs is a kick-start which will lead to a lifetime of mutual respect for each others opinions on all topics.

Its nice to hear that it works for someone else. I would like to hear your partners opinion also. I think i need to make myself clearer here. I know that my relationship will have tonnes of challenges that others may not. I am not nieve. However our relationship could survive anything. Now i am not saying that my boyfriend is more important to me than God because hes not and he knows this. My relationship with God is a lot more powerful and entirely different. What I do not want to do is make God angry. If God can accept our relationship and still accept me as his follower then that would make my life complete. After i went to bed last night I decided to talk to the one person most important in all of this, so I prayed and asked for an answer. After all God is the only person that could change my mind on this, no human being. Before i prayed i was a little stressed wondering about the situation. After speaking to God and essentially asking for his blessing I felt so peaceful and happy. Because i've been away from faith for so long, have to admit this shocked me. Forgot how powerful prayer can be. I value everyone's opinion on here however and it is helpful.

Gurgle

PDN wrote: »

No, I'm not. I'm pointing out the kind of conflicts that can, and do, occur when one person's actions and plans are motivated by a faith in God and a set of absolute values rather than relativism or personal preferences. You might not agree with me, but please don't post untruths about me.

The contractor offered to save them 5,000 euro by getting paid in cash and fiddling the VAT. They couldn't afford to get the work done otherwise. The Christian wife wanted to pay the VAT, unable to reconcile stealing with her Christian vaues but believing God would honour her honesty. The unbelieving husband insisted that was foolishness. Either she is left feeling compromised by participating in fraud or he is left resentful at spending money they didn't need to spend because of her 'excessive' honesty.

I think of another couple where an Christian husband feels a strong call to work as a missionary in an orphanage in India. He has made a few short trips and raises money through sponsored events. His non-Christian wife says that charity begins at home and she is fed up with him thinking of such things. This guy would love to make positive change to the lives of children in India, but he holds back because he has to keep his wife happy.

These, mate, are parables.

Ethics and morality are not the exclusive domain of Christians. Us non christians do not live lives guided by "relativism and personal preferences'.

karenk83

Wicknight wrote: »

I was in a local shop on a Sunday with my husband recently. I'm a devout Christian but he is a non-Christian. We passed a woman selling pins for a local charity, so I suggested on the way out we give her some money. My husband was buying the papers and we found that we did not have enough cash for the papers and to buy a pin of the lady outside. I, following my Christian instincts, suggested that we put back some of the papers so we had money left over to give to the lady outside. My husband though, being a non-Christian, suggested that he shoot the cashier in the head, steal all the money from the till, and on the way out give some of the money to the old lady. Or pistol whip her and take her money. This exchange I feel highlights the challenges that a Christian can face when in a relationship with a non-Christian.

How is that for misinterpretation



Seriously though I think if the OP's husband is partial to the odd bit of illegal tax fraud she has bigger problems than him simply being a non-Christian.

Having said that I can still think of plenty of examples where her being a Christian and him not could cause friction in a marriage without that necessarily implying that one of them is some sort of immoral criminal.

My advice to the OP would be to discuss this stuff up front now rather than waiting for situations to arise. Have a think about the topics that you feel strongly about and then discuss/challenge your partner on them. Don't simply assume he takes the same stance as you do just because he is a good person.

For example, if one of your children turned out to be gay could you support and be happy for them if they entered into a homosexual relationship? Or if one of your children decided to have an abortion could you support them with that?

I'm not suggesting that you wouldn't, but these may be issues that if the time arises you need the support of your partner, and if you and your partner clash on these issues finding out when you are actually deal with them is not ideal. The last thing a child going through a tough time needs is parents debating ideology.

That of course applies to all relationships, not simply Christian/Non-Christian ones. Being a Christian, I assume (I'm not a Christian), simply means that you already know your stance on a lot of issues, so that provides a good starting point to discuss this stuff with your partner.

Again just to clear things up, the earthly challenges, morals, ethics that we will face is not the problem. I am aware of these and have already identified where we are similar and different morally. For example i have strong views on abortion, homosexuality etc and they match his. However i also have the view that it is not my place to judge so all i would ever be able to do is advise my children. I would never reject a person as a person because of homosexuality or other sins because thats not my place. They would know i didnt agree with their actions but i would still love them. My bf is the same. The challenges in this to me are to do with my faith and my personal relationship with God and Jesus.

Tim Robbins

amoro85 wrote: »

Hi just looking for some views from saved christians.
I know how i feel bout this and any ones opinion will not change my mind on it but am curious to see what the general belief is amongst people who regard themselves as saved christians.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i live with him. We are not married. I was a saved christian when i was younger and drifted away. Just before i met my boyfriend i went through a very self-destructive phase and he pulled me out of that. We moved in together after a year and are really happy. In recent months on a personal level i have been uneasy about my faith and want to return to the assurance of saved christianity. I believe that this can parrallel with me remaining to live with my boyfriend as my faith is a deeply personal thing between me and god. A friend recently expressed the view that i should not be in a relationship with a non-christian. I do not agree. Just interested in any views you may have. Sorry for long post, just wanted you to understand situation.

I'm a Roman Orthodox Atheist and my wife is a fairly liberal church going Protestant.

Love will conquer all my friend.

Tim Robbins

PDN wrote: »

As a pastor who definitely is saved I'm afraid I'm going to be the one to disagree with the consensus of opinion here.

I see two potential problem areas. One is the issue of you cohabiting with your boyfriend. Unless this is purely platonic (ie non-sexual) then that is going to cause problems since Christians see sexual relationships as being solely within a marriage covenant.

I think some versions of Christianity might be different to others on this PDN.

The other problem is that the New Testament advises believers not to be 'unequally yoked' with unbelievers. This IMHO includes both business partnerships and marriages. For a Christian to knowingly enter into a marriage with an unbeliever means that you can't share the most important part of your life with the person who means the most to you. Nobody ever wants to hear this advice, but as a pastor I spend too much of my time counselling those who ignored it and now regret it.

That verse came from (St.) Paul. Not Jesus.

The problem I'd have with couples who only "yoke" themselves with another believer is what do you do if one of your beliefs changes?

I consider this highly probable as everyone I know has changed their opinions at some stage in their life.

You yourself, PDN used to be an atheist.

I realise this isn't what you want to hear, and the last thing I want to do is to say anything that would discourage you from returning to your Christian faith. However, sugar-coating the truth isn't going to do any good in the long term.

The only thing I'd say is again it really depends on your version of Christianity.

Before I married my wife, I emailed all the Christian churches about their views of a Christian / Atheist marriage and got different answers from each one.

Anglican, C.o.I.: Absolutely no problem.
Presbyterian: Fuzzy answers and several conradictions. I got the impression they didn't like the idea but were just prepared to do it.
Free Prebyterian: "No way would we recommend you to marry or would we marry you".
Methodist: Never got back to me.

We ended up getting married in a Unitarian church and had readings from Christian theologians and an atheist humanist Philosopher.

In fact some of my atheist friends was so impressed by the Unitarians they made donations to the Church on the day of the ceremony.

Nearly all my mates got hitched in RC Churches. In many cases the Priest knows one (usually the man) is an atheist and doesn't have a problem with it.

Turtwig

Tim Robbins wrote: »

I'm a Roman Orthodox Atheist and my wife is a fairly liberal church going Protestant.

Love will conquer all my friend.

Wow so there is an 'atheist belief system':eek:

Curious, what exactly is Roman Orthodox Atheist?

On topic,

OP, I'm not a Christian, so you may ignore this if you wish.
From what I've read you and your BF, don't really seem to have a differ of opinion. Ye respect each others faith (or lack of it), so it's just your faith that you've an issue with, and to be perfectly honest that depends on what your interpretation of Christianity is : decide that, and you've decided your answer.
If it's the NT version of Love Your Neighbout as I [Refering to Jesus,not me:p] have loved you then surely there is no problem?
As I said, it depends it upon your intrepretation and that alone,

Hope this Helps,

JimiTime

Tim Robbins wrote: »

We ended up getting married in a Unitarian church and had readings from Christian theologians and an atheist humanist Philosopher.

Not the one on Stephens Green by any chance? I've to record an Opera singer in there tomorrow. Haven't been in yet, but seems nice from the outside.

Zombrex

amoro85 wrote: »

The challenges in this to me are to do with my faith and my personal relationship with God and Jesus.

Isn't that between you and God though?

So long as your boyfriend's views aren't causing conflict with your faith what is the problem?

JimiTime

TBH, I don't know your BF so I'm not in a position to give specific advice. Paul does advise against marrying outside the faith though, so I think thats the most valueable piece of advice you're going to get if you believe that the holy spirit inspired his wisdoms.

Question though, is he an atheist? And why is it that he doesn't believe in Christ etc?

Turtwig

JimiTime wrote: »

Question though, is he an atheist? And why is it that he doesn't believe in Christ etc?

I'm not sure why that's even relevant, given they've accepted each other for what they are there doesn't even seem to be any sort of conflict, so why start one?

JimiTime

Wicknight wrote: »

Isn't that between you and God though?

So long as your boyfriend's views aren't causing conflict with your faith what is the problem?

Wisdom is the application of knowledge and forsight. What isn't an issue now, can be an issue down the line. Again, a man believed to be inspired by the holy spirit (St. Paul), advised against marrying outside the faith. Thats a big bit of advice for a believer. Its all well and good saying 'Well I'll do it anyway, because I'd say it'll be ok.' However, as a Christian, you would have to think long and hard about going against the advices of one of the most respected, inspired NT writers. I'm sure, putting yourself in a Christians shoe's you'd understand this?

TravelJunkie

amoro85 wrote: »

Hi just looking for some views from saved christians.
I know how i feel bout this and any ones opinion will not change my mind on it but am curious to see what the general belief is amongst people who regard themselves as saved christians.
I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i live with him. We are not married. I was a saved christian when i was younger and drifted away. Just before i met my boyfriend i went through a very self-destructive phase and he pulled me out of that. We moved in together after a year and are really happy. In recent months on a personal level i have been uneasy about my faith and want to return to the assurance of saved christianity. I believe that this can parrallel with me remaining to live with my boyfriend as my faith is a deeply personal thing between me and god. A friend recently expressed the view that i should not be in a relationship with a non-christian. I do not agree. Just interested in any views you may have. Sorry for long post, just wanted you to understand situation.

I am like you, a little further down the line. I'm saved/ born again, I love God. My husband is RC but I don't know if he is saved - he believes, but does he know the whole TRUTH? The state of one's salvation is a very personal thing.
I was a BA when I met him, he was not. I did pray about it and I felt he was 'the one'. I did progress our relationship - I didn't just write him off because he wasn't 'saved' (BTW I question this more and more, because, I think, maybe you don't have to be zealous to be saved). 5 months later I moved in with him, sex was happening, 2 years later we got married. We now have a 4 year old child.
In terms of the christian morality thing re co-habiting, I will admit I did feel a little guilty, but in the same sense I didn't hear 'NO' when I prayed about being with him. Who knows God's plans?
Before my husband, I was also BA and I did have a relationship with a non-believer and I did hear a big NO. And it ended badly.
My husband is a very good man. And, it is not my place, but God's place to judge.

I have so much more to say on this, but the post would be long. There have been very small problems, but not like people think or anything like the examples that have been posted. Things I cannot explain by writing here. If you have any more Q's. Feel free to PM me.

For now, pray, do you hear a YES or a NO? Remember to meditate first, and listen for God's voice, not your own.

good luck

JimiTime

Malty_T wrote: »

I'm not sure why that's even relevant, given they've accepted each other for what they are there doesn't even seem to be any sort of conflict, so why start one?

Knowledge is our friend Malty. A better insight into the BF gives us better ground for forming opinions, or selfishly speaking, gives me a better ground for forming an opinion. At present, we discuss it generically. If the OP thinks its irrelevant then so be it, she doesn't have to answer. I'm not looking to bicker.

Also, we as people can pay lip service to each other quite readily. 'No thats not an issue for me' etc. However, when something real comes up, you may discover that it actually 'is' an issue. As I said, much Wisdom is needed.

philologos

JimiTime wrote: »

TBH, I don't know your BF so I'm not in a position to give specific advice. Paul does advise against marrying outside the faith though, so I think thats the most valueable piece of advice you're going to get if you believe that the holy spirit inspired his wisdoms.

Where or am I just blind?

The passage in 2 Corinthians chapter 5 is referring to friendships with unbelievers and to be careful that one does not get led into their practices. There isn't anything that is totally clear that condemns marrying non-Christians.

antiskeptic

Wicknight wrote: »

So long as your boyfriend's views aren't causing conflict with your faith what is the problem?

If her boyfriends views aren't causing conflict with her faith then that can said to be a problem. Why is it not causing conflict in other words. It's similar to the notion that if your sharing of the gospel doesn't cause offence* to surface in an unbelieving recipient then it's not the gospel of Jesus Christ your sharing.

(*as in: the message itself is offensive - not the means by which it is delivered.)

Zombrex

JimiTime wrote: »

Wisdom is the application of knowledge and forsight. What isn't an issue now, can be an issue down the line. Again, a man believed to be inspired by the holy spirit (St. Paul), advised against marrying outside the faith. Thats a big bit of advice for a believer. Its all well and good saying 'Well I'll do it anyway, because I'd say it'll be ok.' However, as a Christian, you would have to think long and hard about going against the advices of one of the most respected, inspired NT writers. I'm sure, putting yourself in a Christians shoe's you'd understand this?

Of course, I'm not debating that from a Christian perspective she should do it. If she decides that Christian teaching says I shouldn't so I'm not going to that is fair enough, if the consensus here about Paul's advice is accurate that is the Christian teaching and as you say Christians believe Paul was divinely inspired.

While I might not believe in Christian teaching I appreciate that to a Christian it is all equally correct, you can't (or shouldn't) cherry pick the bits that you personally agree with and then ignore the other bits because you don't think that applies specifically to you. Nor would you want to.

But that doesn't seem to be what the OP is concerned about, so I suppose what I don't understand is where exactly she is coming from. I imagine Paul's objections were precisely because conflict can arise between people of different faith. But the OP doesn't think this is an issue. So I'm not following what is the actual issue according to her.

Perhaps she can clarify

prinz

Wicknight wrote: »

So I'm not following what is the actual issue according to her.

Perhaps she can clarify

There doesn't seem to really be one. I think the OP was just looking for general opinions on the matter. Seems to me like she has it pretty good in her relationship as it is.

Zombrex

antiskeptic wrote: »

If her boyfriends views aren't causing conflict with her faith then that can said to be a problem. Why is it not causing conflict in other words. It's similar to the notion that if your sharing of the gospel doesn't cause offence* to surface in an unbelieving recipient then it's not the gospel of Jesus Christ your sharing.

(*as in: the message itself is offensive - not the means by which it is delivered.)

I'm not really following? Are you suggesting that it is actually causing offence to the boyfriend but he is pretending otherwise?

JimiTime

Jakkass wrote: »

Where or am I just blind?

The passage in 2 Corinthians chapter 5 is referring to friendships with unbelievers and to be careful that one does not get led into their practices. There isn't anything that is totally clear that condemns marrying non-Christians.

Its not condemnation. Its advice. It is not sinful, or condemned to marry outside the faith. It is advised against though. IMO, this shows that its not that it'll never work, but that its not something to be taken lightly. I'd certainly not simply advise 'Don't do it'. As I've already said, I don't know the man. Its a situation where ones wisdom should be used.


1 corinthians 7.39
A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.

karenk83

Wicknight wrote: »

Of course, I'm not debating that from a Christian perspective she should do it. If she decides that Christian teaching says I shouldn't so I'm not going to that is fair enough, if the consensus here about Paul's advice is accurate that is the Christian teaching and as you say Christians believe Paul was divinely inspired.

While I might not believe in Christian teaching I appreciate that to a Christian it is all equally correct, you can't (or shouldn't) cherry pick the bits that you personally agree with and then ignore the other bits because you don't think that applies specifically to you. Nor would you want to.

But that doesn't seem to be what the OP is concerned about, so I suppose what I don't understand is where exactly she is coming from. I imagine Paul's objections were precisely because conflict can arise between people of different faith. But the OP doesn't think this is an issue. So I'm not following what is the actual issue according to her.

Perhaps she can clarify

I'll try my best. I guess my concerns would be selfish ones regarding my own salvation. I want to return to a personal life of fulfillment in God, live in his light and have salvation for all eternity. In my mind you'd have to be mad not to want that. I guess i don't want my actions to impinge on that and not as a result of my boyfriend's influence on me, but because of God's opinion of me. I want to please God and love and marry my boyfriend and dont want the two to clash. I feel i can do this because my faith is personal and whilst it will affect my boyfriend, my boyfriend will not affect it/ at least not in a negative way.
PS the only problem i guess is that because i havent fully accepted Jesus back into my life as such I am scared that he will not approve and I want his approval and love.
However as mentioned in earlier post I have prayed about it and will continue to. I think i need to sort out my own faith fully first and then listen to God. But I am interested in the opinions of others regarding my and my boyfriend's situation.

JimiTime

Wicknight wrote: »

Of course, I'm not debating that from a Christian perspective she should do it. If she decides that Christian teaching says I shouldn't so I'm not going to that is fair enough, if the consensus here about Paul's advice is accurate that is the Christian teaching and as you say Christians believe Paul was divinely inspired.

While I might not believe in Christian teaching I appreciate that to a Christian it is all equally correct, you can't (or shouldn't) cherry pick the bits that you personally agree with and then ignore the other bits because you don't think that applies specifically to you. Nor would you want to.

But that doesn't seem to be what the OP is concerned about, so I suppose what I don't understand is where exactly she is coming from. I imagine Paul's objections were precisely because conflict can arise between people of different faith. But the OP doesn't think this is an issue. So I'm not following what is the actual issue according to her.

Perhaps she can clarify

Again just to clarify, marrying outside the faith is not 'forbidden' etc, and I certainly wouldn't dream of condemning someone outside the faith. It really is a case of, if ones faith is the most important thing to them, then they should not take marrying someone outside their faith lightly.

karenk83

JimiTime wrote: »

Again just to clarify, marrying outside the faith is not 'forbidden' etc, and I certainly wouldn't dream of condemning someone outside the faith. It really is a case of, if ones faith is the most important thing to them, then they should not take marrying someone outside their faith lightly.

Believe me I have not and will not take it lightly. It did cause me extreme distress for a while until i worked a lot of things out in my head. It caused my boyfriend distress also as it is difficult for him to accept that he is not necessarily the most important thing in my life. But he has been open and honest with me and i have been with him also (even though that hurt at times) and we've come through that decision and decided that we want to be together despite our differences. My personal issue is with God rather than my boyfriend. I just need to learn to accept and trust God fully again.