Harassing texts from a guy I met online

LegacyUser

I split up with my long term partner a couple of months back and decided 2 weeks ago to give online dating a go. I was chatting online to a couple of guys for the past two weeks, 2 of whom I met and while they were lovely there was no spark there. I was also chatting to a third guy and we exchanged a couple of emails and then exchanged numbers. His started to txt back and forth on Saturday a week ago and when I didnt relpy to ever txt straight away he would send an email, another txt and then call me to see did i get the txts. I had one phone call with him on that day and to be honest felt we were completely not suited so decided not to have anymore contact with him. Saturday night he sent a txt asking if we could meet up and I didnt reply as I was out. The next day I got called away as my dad was rushed to hospital with a heart condition he has. Needless to say this guy was the furthest thing from my mind.

When I got back from the hospital I had missed numerous calls and txts from him regarding meeting up. I txted him back and was polite and firm in my response that I didnt think we should meet as I viewed his calls and txts as excessive. There were loads of more txts back that night all of which saying what a nice guy he was and what a looser I was.

Then last Saturday I got a txt from him again - but i had deleted his number so thought it was a friend and txted back to see who it was. he txted back and i didnt bother to reply. I then got 2 more txts yesterday asking to meet up. I txted back this morning to stop all the txts and to say that I didnt think it was a good idea as we seemed to be on a completely differnet page' these are the txts I got back:

'your dam right, were not on the same page, im taughtfull and caring, your an ignorant pig with a chip on your shoulder, who couldnt hold a decent conversation, and a liar, no wonder limerick has the name it has with the likes of u, no wonder u'r x cheated on , as i'm sure ur a bore as well, so no need to reply'

'if your father is anything like u then he is better off dead as he couldnt be popular or well liked'

'being ignorant like u i was gonna stand u up had u said yes to meet u nasty ignorant whore'

I sent back a txt to asking him to stop txting and said it took a low type to wish someone they didnt know dead and that karma comes back around to which he replied:

'if he dies its your karma not mine ha ha'

I then txted him saying I would complain him to the guards if he continued sending such harassing txts, he replied

' tell them i said long live the killers of jerry mc cabe the dead pig copper, and may you be killed yourself in a tragic car crash, I aint afraid of them'

What is all that about. I told him 3 personal things about myself namely being that my last relationship broke up as my partner cheated on me (Fair enough - not something to judge me from), that I was from Limerick, and that I could not respone to him as my dad was rushed to hospital yet he was spiteful enough to throw them all back in my face.

Just having a rant here as I am annoyed about it. I am a sensitive caring sould and would never hurt anyone in my life, not to mind someone i never even met or know. What woudl someone gain about wishing such nasty things on someone. I suppose I might see it different if my dad wasnt seriously ill and then to top it off last night (only got these txts today) I WAS in a pretty serious car accident coming home from work at 11pm and I am lucky to be alive today. I am still shaken by that but then to get this today it has really upset me.

Has anything similar happened to anyone else??? sorry for the long post

shellyboo

Ok, do ACTUALLY go to the Gardai. That's absolutely awful what he's doing to you. The Gardai will call him and tell him to stop. Whatever you do, don't delete the texts. That guy sounds seriously unstable, doesn't sound like he's gonna stop unless you make him stop.

LegacyUser

That's terrible OP. Definitely report him to the Guards as he isnt stable. Keep the texts for them to see. Also O2 offer a number blocking service which blocks texts from any number that you set up (but not calls). I'm sure the other service providers do this also.

sam34

harrassment is an offence under section 10 of the non-fatal offences against the person act.
go to the gardai and make a statement.

keep all the texts and call log as evidence

LegacyUser

Jeepers Creepers.

If you are on O2 network do the following:-

To block a number, just text the word BLOCK and the number to 50216. This will block all text, picture and video messages from this number. This also means you won't be able to send any messages to this number. Block It is totally free. So no matter how many numbers you block, it won't cost you a cent.

LegacyUser

OP here. I am actually on Vodafone and I called them this morning in the middle of all this and they dont have that facility. All they could suggest is changing my number but dont really want to go down that route unless i have to as my number is printed on my business cards and all the rest.

Havent had a txt from him since this long spate of them this morning so hopefully he got the message.

I am shaken by it though. Thanks for all the support

Liam Byrne

They say that when online dating, beware of potential weirdos, and it's viewed as scaremongering, but it looks like you REALLY bagged yourself a class-A one there!

1) Report to the Gardai, showing the texts as evidence
2) Report it to the dating site so that someone else won't get this abuse
3) Block the number as suggested above
4) Look at it as lesson learned, and try to forget about it
5) Maybe give the "nice" guys more time to grow on you - people can be shy or quiet, or unsure at the start

Try not to let it put you off internet dating, though; there are psychos and assholes out there in all walks of life - in pubs, clubs and online.

You were just very unlucky, but from the sounds of it you've just used up all of your bad luck in one go, so that might be a plus!

And aside from that - hope your dad's feeling better and that you're none the worse after the crash.

Take care,
L

Phlann

Yeah go to the Gardai, and DEFINITELY show them that message about McCabe.

If ever a text message warranted a personal visit from the local constabulary, it's that one!

This next thing won't be popular but ehhh... maybe you shouldn't do the whole online thing? My impression is that many people turn to online dating out of, well... desperation. There's bound to be a higher ratio of creepy weirdos on the online dating scene.

No offence intended to those of you who are not creepy weirdos.

AckwelFoley

What an asshole.

Dont despair there are a few decent guys in the world...

Buy a sim card for the next time you plan on giving out your number to people at least that way if you get annoying txtx it not on your personal phone



Take Liam Byrnes advice, sounds pretty good.

LegacyUser

I got a IM from a guy on a dating site. His replies were INSTANT and he seemed annoyed mine weren't. He asked met meet him that weekend for a drink. We hadn't even exchanged photos. Only a few IM were exchanged. I felt it way to soon and said maybe in a few weeks. He got thick and said 'Forget about it'.

I'm so glad I didn't meet him or exchange numbers after hearing about your experience.

Report to the Gardai.

LegacyUser

Instead of changing numbers because of work etc change network to a network who can block the number. You should be able to keep you existing number.

LegacyUser

agree with previous posters tell the gardai and keep records of everything.

ok now no matter what else he might decide to txt you - DO NOT ENGAGE. DO NOT RESPOND. tell cops if its threatening

NickNolte

Creepy. Definitely go speak to the Gardaí about this. I'm sure a quick house call will sufficiently put the fear of god into him when he realises just how much trouble he's in.

I hope your father's feeling better.

Rb

Agree with everything said above.

You should contact the site in question also, to both report him and also to get his details sent to the Gardai.

bronte

He sounds about 10. What an asshole.
Report him, it might prevent him from doing this to someone else.

valery

What a weird freako........call the cops honey, let them sort out this looser :eek:.

Split

Hi , the same thing happened me although the person got my number off a friend when we where drinking.
The man in question sent me leud pics of himself and then started sending me threatening texts and eventually a video of him performing a sex act on himself.
Im from Limerick and went into Roxboro Gs.The gardai where very helpful and brought me into a different room as i got upset.
They traced up hi ''registered phone'' and yes I pressed charges as firstly their was plenty of proof and secondly I was genuine scared.I would strongly advised you to go to the gardai with your concerns.

btw - never got text again after I did it!

valery

OMG.....Dont want to be seen coming down hard on the guys as the vast majority are cool and decent but for crying out loud ......the amount of creeps in the male population and the depts to which some of them sink ......
oooooh, makes my skin crawl:eek:

NickNolte

valery wrote: »

OMG.....Dont want to be seen coming down hard on the guys as the vast majority are cool and decent but for crying out loud ......the amount of creeps in the male population and the depts to which some of them sink ......
oooooh, makes my skin crawl:eek:

I've seen women sink just as low. Let's not make it about gender.

valery

NickNolte wrote: »

I've seen women sink just as low. Let's not make it about gender.

Im not.really.....but look at the stats.they dont lie NN

Silverfish

Off-topic and unhelpful posting can earn you a ban from this forum, please keep replies constructive to the OP, thank you.

NickNolte

Indeed. Probably no need for misandry/man-hating.

OP - definitely go to the Gardaí and don't delete those texts!

dlofnep

Call the gardaí. That guy sounds like a right weirdo.

Micky Dolenz

snyper wrote: »

Buy a sim card for the next time you plan on giving out your number to people at least that way if you get annoying txtx it not on your personal phone

Thats a great idea, for the sake of a tenner.

Would go to your local Gardai station with it alright. they could sort it fairly quickly if they had a mind too.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Something similar happened to me very recently - except he didn't get insulting in the texts. Met someone online and it turned out we knew similar people, so we swapped numbers. He began texting me obsessively. If I didn't reply immediately, he would ring me to check if I got the message. I hadn't even met this guy. The texts were just chit-chat -'what are you up to'..'how are things' etc etc...but honestly, I eneded up feeling a bit scared.
He text me and asked if he could ring me in an hour - I said yes - I ended up chatting to someone around that time and when I got back to my phone, there were 7 missed calls and 2 voicemails from him sayin 'You said I could ring you, why aren't you picking up' etc. I blocked him after that.
To be honest, it hasn't put me off online dating...because I'm hoping that for every psycho out there, there are a few sane men!....but I'll be wary of giving out my number to anyone again. I like that idea of someone saying to buy a seperate sim and only use that for someone you meet online...best of luck OP and defo go to the guards.

LegacyUser

Op here - thanks for all the support and advice.

I think I will give internet dating a skip but the suggestion about the new sim is very good.

Well it's been 24 hours now and I haven't received any more txts so hopefully that will be the end of it.

Thanks again

the_syco

Unregistered wrote: »

'your dam right, were not on the same page, im taughtfull and caring, your an ignorant pig with a chip on your shoulder, who couldnt hold a decent conversation, and a liar, no wonder limerick has the name it has with the likes of u, no wonder u'r x cheated on , as i'm sure ur a bore as well, so no need to reply'

'if your father is anything like u then he is better off dead as he couldnt be popular or well liked'

'being ignorant like u i was gonna stand u up had u said yes to meet u nasty ignorant whore'

'if he dies its your karma not mine ha ha'

' tell them i said long live the killers of jerry mc cabe the dead pig copper, and may you be killed yourself in a tragic car crash, I aint afraid of them'

Ah go on, tell the local Gardai. They'll stop this creep from texting. Show them these texts as proof, and any hateful voicemails he's left you. It'll also make him think twice about doing it again.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

Op here - thanks for all the support and advice.

I think I will give internet dating a skip but the suggestion about the new sim is very good.

Well it's been 24 hours now and I haven't received any more txts so hopefully that will be the end of it.

Thanks again

You should still report him. That way the next time he does it, the Gardai will have it on file. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with abusing people like that.

kumate_champ07

valery wrote: »

Im not.really.....but look at the stats.they dont lie NN

men are usually too embarrassed to report it

AckwelFoley

kumate_champ07 wrote: »

men are usually too embarrassed to report it

i wouldnt say embarrassed, just not as threatened.

Ive had one particular lady that was similar toward me long time ago. I just ignored her. It was unlikely she was any relation to Kathy Bates so id say i was safe enough.

For a woman on the other hand receiving these messages its different

LegacyUser

To be honest i am a bit embarrassed to report it because of the whole thing that I met this guy over the internet and never actually met him in person. Also I dont know if i would like to have such a thing in a garda file on me for the future.

Also - being a single girl I would be afraid of any backlash from him if I did report it. He doesn't know my address or my surname as i seemed to have the sense at the time to set up an anonymous email address, but if he knows anyone in vodafone I am sure he could get both details because of he has my mobile number. I'm just paranoid that i am bringing trouble on myself I guess if I go any further with this.

I'm sick in my tummy thinking about it and I am a 36!

Liam Byrne

Well, if that's what you've decided, we'll have to respect it

Of course, women have been known to suddenly change their minds, and if you do, you definitely shouldn't feel intimidated - report the scumbag.

Aside from that; I guess lesson learned; just be more careful in future (and considering giving any future sound guys more of a chance than the psychos! )

Lollipops23

OP nothing gives him the right to say such horrible,malicious things. stop being paranoid; the gards have to deal with far worse things than this,they won't think anything of you for reporting it.

even if you don't want to report it,i'd like to point out that you were lucky; what if you had met with him, he may have been violent and even more stalkerish. by reporting it it's at least on file that he is unstable and capable of real nastiness.

please report him.

Micky Dolenz

Lollipops23 wrote: »

OP nothing gives him the right to say such horrible,malicious things. stop being paranoid; the gards have to deal with far worse things than this,they won't think anything of you for reporting it.

even if you don't want to report it,i'd like to point out that you were lucky; what if you had met with him, he may have been violent and even more stalkerish. by reporting it it's at least on file that he is unstable and capable of real nastiness.

please report him.

I agree,

remember that case in that hotel in Limerick?

Internet meet ups happen all the time and mostly it is good humored and just people hanging with people.

This creep needs a good reminder that you can't intimidate others regardless of the media.

I'd love to have his number, oh the fun we'd have.

OP, report him.


If the guards call round to his house and have a word with him, chances are he'll never send a crude text again. People will say all sorts of messed up stuff via text and through the internet as they reckon they're completely safe. In real life, these people are, I'm sure, very different.


For example:


Lollipops23, i hope you die a horrible death!



See... I've nothing against Lollipops, and im sure he/she's a nice person, and i'd never, ever say that to him/her in person, but through the anonymity of the net, I could say lots worse, just for the sake of it.


If this guy is sending you so many horrible texts, chances are he's just an asshole with too much time on his hands, or is trying to impress his friends by being 'well ard'. However, if the Gardai contact him, I assure you; you'll never hear from him again. Definitely report him, and I certainly wouldn't feel threatened about him knowing someone working for your phone provider. The chances of that are very slim, and even if he had your full name and address, after a stern word from the Gardai, I doubt he'd be willing to do/try anything.



The Guards get an awful rap for being useless (partly becuase they're useless) but when they do confront people, in my experience, they do come across very sternly, and aren't lenient. That's one thing I will say about them that I admire.




(By the way, Lollipops, nothing against you, just the first username that I could see. Hope you live a happy and prosperous life )

Lollipops23

Deleted User wrote: »

(By the way, Lollipops, nothing against you, just the first username that I could see. Hope you live a happy and prosperous life )

why thank you!right back atcha!

Chucky the tree

Sign up to lots of gay chatsites and spam his phone number all over them.

Rb

Chucky the tree wrote: »

Sign up to lots of gay chatsites and spam his phone number all over them.

That's a fantastic suggestion.

Let's hope he doesn't find this thread on twitter now btw.

LegacyUser

roughly the same thin happened to a friend of mine, but the phone or sim wasnt registared so basiclly the person couldnt be found. To this day they still dont know who it was it stopped after about a month of not txtin back.

January

Unregistered wrote: »

but if he knows anyone in vodafone I am sure he could get both details because of he has my mobile number. I'm just paranoid that i am bringing trouble on myself I guess if I go any further with this.

The chances of this happening are very very slim OP. For one, if someone in Vodafone did give your details to this man they would be breaching data protection laws and all it would take was for the Gardai to get management in Vodafone to go back into the file and check the last person who was in the file and see if they are in any way affiliated with this nasty nasty man. They would then be prosecuted.

I urge you to report him. I've dated online and fortunately have not had any nasty incidents like yourself. But I'd like to think that if I did have any, that I would have the courage to report this slimy person to the authorities.

legend365

Send me his number and i'll pretend to be a 'damzle in distress'

Then when i and the lads meet him he wont be so abusive

Seriously people like that make all men look like creeps! Its a god damn shame.

Silverfish

Can we steer away from the vigilante justice please, however tempting it may seem

Seriously people like that make all men look like creeps! Its a god damn shame

Nah, people like that make other men look better by comparison.

I don't think the OP is going to judge all men on one loola, I certainly hope not. There's definitely plenty of good ones out there.

Liam Byrne

Silverfish wrote: »

I don't think the OP is going to judge all men on one loola, I certainly hope not. There's definitely plenty of good ones out there.

It wouldn't seem like it anyways - she said she'd met two sound ones.....

christina_x

my sister was in a similar situation.. only not from an online dating site, but she had those horrible things said. she just doesnt know who the guy is or how he got her number, but he was giving fire threats and knew where she lived, what she was wearing on a particular day ect.

anyways! she went to the guards, who traced his location - they can still check that even if the sim isnt registered
and he hasnt bothered her since. but just be careful, my other sister (psychaitric student nurse) believes that the guy who was texting my sister (who acted very similar to your guy) has a personality disorder and its all about the chase for them. just dont piss him off too much. Like not texting him back is fine but just dont be bitchy back to him, safest that way. let the guards sort him. they WILL sort him. look about your phone, you might be able to block texts on your phone, i can (samsung noire). hope it works out, im sure it will.:)

LegacyUser

christina_x wrote: »

my sister was in a similar situation.. only not from an online dating site, but she had those horrible things said. she just doesnt know who the guy is or how he got her number, but he was giving fire threats and knew where she lived, what she was wearing on a particular day ect.

anyways! she went to the guards, who traced his location - they can still check that even if the sim isnt registered
and he hasnt bothered her since. but just be careful, my other sister (psychaitric student nurse) believes that the guy who was texting my sister (who acted very similar to your guy) has a personality disorder and its all about the chase for them. just dont piss him off too much. Like not texting him back is fine but just dont be bitchy back to him, safest that way. let the guards sort him. they WILL sort him. look about your phone, you might be able to block texts on your phone, i can (samsung noire). hope it works out, im sure it will.:)

How can they trace him? when the sim is not registared??

christina_x

Unregistered wrote: »

How can they trace him? when the sim is not registared??

The company can. like his phone is still using a satelite or whatever when making calls or texts. they can check his location, so she can be safe in knowing how far away he is