Did you regret not going to your debs!!

LegacyUser

Hi all, sorry it's a bit of a long one.

Well my debs are coming up in a few weeks and I really don’t want to go and I’m 100 percent sure.

The reason I don’t want to go is because before the leaving cert I had a fight with my friends. There were loads of reasons for the fight but the main one being that they were leaving me out a lot of the time e.g. not asking me to go on nights out, not telling me things and then they decided that they were moving in together next year for collage and they didn’t even ask me!! There ment be my best friends I known one since first year and the other since forth year.

Since the end of fifth year I have felt like they have been pushing me out and things came to a head a few days before we finished school. When another friend came up to me and asked if I was ok because I seemed really down and not my usual self. She then went on to say how she had noticed that they were leaving me out .it wasn’t until that moment that I realised how it was affecting.

so that night I called to my friends house and told her how I felt told her that I loved them to bits and I didn’t want to fall out with them but I couldn’t be friends with people who made me feel like sh1t and like they didn’t want me around.

Got a text about a week later saying that they were sorry I felt that way but that it was all in my head. Well I nearly hit the roof. I pointed out to them that it wasn’t just me that noticed it.

This is when I realised that these were friends I didn’t really need. Went through the first few days of exams without talking which I have to admit was though on all of us. Eventually I said enough is enough we are 18 not 8 and I broke the ice. We finished the exams on speaking terms.

I haven’t heard from ether of them over the summer. Even my boyfriend noticed how much happier I had become since I told them how I felt.

So basically everyone is telling that i am going to regret not going but I don’t think I will. My boyfriend thinks that I should just go and he says that I can always leave early. But to be honest I don’t think I could sit across the table from two people that made me feel miserable for nearly two years. I just want to put it all behind me and move on.

So is there anyone out there who didn’t go to there debs and thought they wouldn’t regret it but then did? Do you think i am doing the right thing or am I making a mistake?

LegacyUser

I didn't go to my debs and I'm glad I didn't. I went to boarding school and I'd had an eating disorder throughout the six years. I felt like I'd no support there from any of the teachers or nuns and apart from three or four girls, was kind of sick of everyone and eager to leave it all behind. I had a dress bought and everything. The day before, I decided I was going to give it a miss and I never regretted it once. You go to loads of balls in college and they're so much fun and very glam so you won't have missed out on much, in my opinion.

It's up to you though of course. Do something fun on the night if you don't go..like dinner with your boyfriend, so you can still get a bit dressed up!

actua11

I didn't go to my debs last year and can't say that i regret it. I saw it as a lot of time, money and effort to go to something which I'd already decided in my head that I wouldn't enjoy. At the end of the day it is only one night out. It fully depends whether you think you can get enjoyment out of it or not.

I think though that the debs is a smaller issue compared to the situation with your friends.

Allison91

I didn't go to mine last year, no regrets at all. But then again I didn't really like the people in my class.

Ddad

i was in the same boat as you, turned out my friends were a shower of **** who just bitched behind each others backs. I wasn't gone on most of my other classmates either. Take the money and go on a bargain sun holiday with himself, you'll have a better time and better memories.

If your happy enough leaving them behind stick with it.

Handsome Bob

Why would you not go? Surely you are on good terms with a lot of people from your year other than these "best friends" of yours. Why should you deprive yourself of a great night just because of these "friends" of yours? Don't let them ruin this on you.

Kintarō Hattori

I didn't go to my debs and have never regretted it. Perhaps that's because I accompanied a friend to her debs and saw that it wasn't a big deal, one was enough for me and it was nothing to write home about.

OP when I was in school I had many friends and I had a great time but the friends I had then and those I have now are two completely different things. I don't hang around with anyone from my school days. Having left, gone into the real world and experienced life you'll make real friends. People you can trust and rely upon.

If you're 'friends' have treated you badly there are two things you can do. You can either not bother going to your debs because you don't want to run into these people and feel akward about the whole thing. Or you can take your boyfriend, have a great time and ignore these people. Why let them spoil things for you. Take control of yourself, go if you want to and forget all about them.

Life is long. Ignore the people who aren't interested in your welfare and grab the bull by the horns.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replys

Im sure i wont enjoy it. I dont think we will ever be best friends again dont get me wrong if i saw them down town or if i saw them out at night id go over and say hello etc But i dont ever see it going back to the way it was before. At this moment in time i dont really see them as people worth being around.

I do get on really well with the rest of the people in my year but i see most of them out on a saturday night.

Thinking about it now i dont think i could sit the two of them for the hole bloody dinner because we are either going to ignore each other or pretend nothing ever happened and make small talk.

dudara

Didn't go to my debs and definitely didn't regret it. I was looking forward to college, not to pretending to enjoy a silly night pretending to be friends.

Handsome Bob

dudara wrote: »

Didn't go to my debs and definitely didn't regret it. I was looking forward to college, not to pretending to enjoy a silly night pretending to be friends.

With all due respect, it's not just a silly night for everyone. My Debs was one of the best nights of my life. That being said, my year was unique in the sense that everyone got on with each other, from mixed abilities right up to 1:1. I understand that not many people can say the same thing.

OP, it really depends on how you feel about your fellow students. If don't particulary care for any of them then you won't be missing out on anything.

wylo

I was one of them people, I regretted it for a few years alright, only when it was brought up in conversation. But when i think about it now , I dont care whatsoever, its just a night out, you'll be at plenty of Christmas parties, plenty of college parties, plenty of nights out with proper friends where you wont be ripped off.

Why feel miserable with a bunch of people you dont like that put you down?

ps if your going to college, if your like most people that go, the friends you make there will be alot better more long term friends than school friends.

sleepyescapade

Never went to mine in 2006 and I don't regret not going. I didn't really get on with many people in my class and was glad to be finishing school

myusernameis

i think the debs is so overated, all the money you spend and for what one night where most people are probably seek of the sight of each other after spending years together. At ours i thought it was a bit of a pain, they had awards and it was all the 'popular' people got them, not that i wanted one though. It was like a forced atmosphere, competition over outfits and dates.

Do what you want, i would say you probably wont regret not going and you definately would be saving lots of money.

myusernameis

i think the debs is so overated, all the money you spend and for what one night where most people are probably seek of the sight of each other after spending years together. At ours i thought it was a bit of a pain, they had awards and it was all the 'popular' people got them, not that i wanted one though. It was like a forced atmosphere, competition over outfits and dates.

Do what you want, i would say you probably wont regret not going and you definately would be saving lots of money.

Handsome Bob

myusernameis wrote: »

i think the debs is so overated, all the money you spend and for what one night where most people are probably seek of the sight of each other after spending years together. At ours i thought it was a bit of a pain, they had awards and it was all the 'popular' people got them, not that i wanted one though. It was like a forced atmosphere, competition over outfits and dates.

Do what you want, i would say you probably wont regret not going and you definately would be saving lots of money.

That sounds more "My Super Sweet 16" than a traditional debs tbh! What kind of school did you go to? :P

Overheal

Didnt go. Saved money. And have no idea what I missed - this usually means beside a few drunken incidents, which were probably funny at the time, that there was nothing worth making stories about.

Just a fancy shindig. Nothing to lose sleep aboot.

GirlatdRockShow

Didn't go to mine,no particular reason,got on well with most of the people in my year,just wasn't my sort of thing.Didn't regret it at all.
I think it's just there is so much hype about the debs that people feel they have to go.

trowelled

My debs wa back in 2002 and I decided against going. There were many reasons as to why I didn't go. My best friend decided she'd rather spend money on going to Spain and so if she wasn't going I wasn't all that interested in going. Also I was fairly shy back then and convinced myself I wouldn't be able to find anyone to go with me so I figured I'd just forget about it. Also there were a lot of people in my year that I didn't particularly like, they were far tooinvolved in themselves and a night out with them wasn't my idea of good fun. I did regret it for the first year or so but then thought very little of it. Thinking about it now I have no real regrets about going apart from not geting to wear the big fancy gown but there'll be plenty more occasions to do that.


As to whether you'll regret it now that's a completely different story. If you're not going for the right reasons then don't go. However, I would also say that if it is something that you have always wanted to go to then perhaps you should have a good long think about it. If this is the case don't let your friends recent behaviour towards you stop you from going. You can still have fun. As you say you can be civil to them and I'm sure there'll be pleny other peolpe at it who you can have fun with. Just think about it before makiing any decisions

Faith

I'd already started uni in a different country by the time of my debs, so I couldn't go. Never felt like I missed out, wasn't bombarded with stories of what I missed. I was a bit sad on the night of it, but it really didn't bother me at all.

iguana

I did go to my debs and while it wasn't a bad night (apart from when I put what I thought was a sausage roll in my mouth and it turned out to be a deep fried battered banana:eek:) it wasn't a night that I remember as particularly special. If I hadn't gone I wouldn't have regretted it, I had many way, way better nights out with my friends in the years that followed.

ChewChew

I actually regret going to my Debs. All along I wasn't going. and then alot of people put alot of pressure on me to go. so the week before it I had to get my tickets, get a dress, get a man. and all for nothing. was such a bad night. Not because I made it bad, I actually made it as good as I could but it just wasn't my scene!

MizzLolly

Hey OP.

If you really do want to go to your debs I think you should just do it. Get yourself all dressed up and have a nice night with your boyfriend and the other classmates you didn't fall out with.

The Debs really isn't as big of a deal as it's supposed to be. I think it's built up to be this perfect night full of hugs and tiaras when realistically, it's just a really expensive night out with company you wouldn't normally want to hang out with.

My debs was hilariously awful. My boyfriend ended up in hospital because he was on a transplant list and got very sick. The same day his relative committed suicide. I really didn't feel it was right to go but he insisted and I went with all my friends. On the night, I was surrounded by drunk teens, puking, fighting, bitching, crying etc. My dress fell apart (thank you Debenhams) and my shoes ended up making my feet bleed! I was seated right across from my boyfriend's ex girlfriend and a girl who I'd fallen out with that year also. But I can still look back and smile about it, purely because at the time it seemed like such a huge event to me. In the long run, whether or not you go won't make a difference to you. Do whatever feels right now but only go because you want to. The debs isn't a perfect night. It's messy and over priced but you will have a memorable night.

It's up to you to make the decision but keep in mind that you're the one who will make it a good night in the end. If I could dance and have fun with all of that stuff going wrong on the day, I don't think you should let those two girls wreck it for you. If you do decide to go, then I hope you have a great time. If not, don't stress about it. You haven't missed that much.

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

With all due respect, it's not just a silly night for everyone. My Debs was one of the best nights of my life. That being said, my year was unique in the sense that everyone got on with each other, from mixed abilities right up to 1:1. I understand that not many people can say the same thing.

This was the same case for my School well kinda all of the lads got on with each other the girls on the other hand didn't and split into about 7 different groups.

My Debs was held in January which was a bit weird and our parent got to go as well (private school) but I got really stressed about it as I didnt have a date for it and I ended up asking a girl who I didnt even like because my mates pressured me into it and she said no .

Decided to go alone and really enjoyed myself, was the best night out I had that year. Two of my friends from outside school arrived at 12 o'clock who knew a few of my school mates and had a great laugh.

OP if I was you I would go, Its only one night and it will be the only time your hole year will be out in the same place and its only time you get to have a drunken conversation with your teachers If its crap you can always leave!

Firetrap

I went to mine but now I wish I hadn't. Not because anything bad happened but because the whole thing was pretty underwhelming. Perhaps if I was close friends with loads of my classmates (I wasn't) I might have thought differently and taken it as the last hurrah before we all went our separate ways.

It's a totally overrated thing anyway. All that hype just to wear a silly dress etc. In no time at all, your class will have scattered to the four winds and you will be meeting loads of new people at college. Honestly, a day or two after the event nobody will even give you a second thought.

LegacyUser

I didn't go to my "squires" because my missus was pregnant (heavily) and felt too self conscience. It didn't bother me but when she went to her debs it stung a bit (even though I went with her). In hindsight though I'm not at all pushed.

Rb

Save your money and go away for a weekend, or buy yourself something nice.

I didn't go to mine, and I'm very glad I didn't. They're retarded.

tanyaog2007

i was in the same boat as u 2 yrs ago, in a group of 3 leaven me ot of stuff ect ect , but i had already got my dress(havnt wore it since) i didnt want to waste it , i went to the evening part and left at 12 , fuc*k sake , all u get is fake bit*chs comin up to u teling u how great u look and then they will go back to their friends and say omg did u see wht tanya was wearn its rotten , ul have the 2 so called friends actin all nice and thn start bitc*n abt ya ect ect, its total sh1t i went and reget it, id go away with the bf for a few days or go shopping for the day , let us know how u get on.

gsand

Didn't go to mine, no problem with friends/class or anything like that just didn't work out at the time. At the precise moment you feel a twinge or coulda/shoulda/woulda, it passed quickly, no further impact in life.

Carsinian Thau

Well, I went to mine and I think it was one of my worst ideas. It was just a night of unpleasant hypocrisy and walking on thin ice the entire time.

If you don't want to go. Then don't go. If you definitely won't have a good time then it really isn't worth it.

But, the question must be asked, what about the other people in your school? You may want to be there with them. You don't need to focus on the other two for the entire time. And you would have your boyfriend with you.

LegacyUser

OP your debs is an amazing night I would be weary of listening to a lot of posters here saying 'Oh I missed mine and I'm glad' as its more than likely they werent liked in the year and probably anti social (hey the internet forums attract them!) Honestly if you have friends outside those 2 girls then why not simply ignore them and talk to the rest of your year?

Debs is honestly an amazing night and the only time you'll ever get the whole year out for the mother of all sessions again!!

chocgirl

Hi OP. I'm going to rock the boat a little bit and advise you to go. It doesn't have to cost a fortune and you have your date so you don't have to worry about that.

Were you going to go before you fell out with your friends? You may look back in a couple of months and regret letting that stop you. The debs is a bit of an Irish rite of passage and you will always wonder what it would have been like. Even if you don't enjoy it you'll have had that experience and you can always leave early if need be.

Blarney92

I definitely don't regret going to my debs- fair enough it was quite expensive( especially when we got caught out by the organiser) but it was well worth it.

You see all the people who you went to school with for six years- you mightn't see them again for years. Its a good way to part. If you don't go that question will always be there- " I can't believe you didn't go your debs-why?" You have a bit of fun with your teachers who normally turn out to be fairly sound. There's a great buzz about the place and its an excuse to get dressed up. Parents feel so proud as well.

Plus its not that expensive-

€100 for two tickets (180 for us though:mad:)
€60 for spending money
€50 for suit rental

I know it'll be more expensive for girls but it won't be that much more expensive- my date only spent €150 for her dress/makeup/hair etc and she won the best dressed girl award. You don't need to hire a photographer, get a limousine or any of that stuff.

I know €350 for one night is a bit much but in my opinion it's well worth it.

Rowley Birkin QC

I went about 6 debs back in the day and generally had great nights, totally overhyped obviously but if you step back from the bull**** it's actually a pretty cool night.

As a rule, stay away from the people that are organising it, they will spend the night freaking out about something, don;t bother booking a hotel, the house parties will be where its at.

Prof.Badass

I think the whole debs thing is a load of ****.

Instead there should be a more casual farewell party akin to graduation. It would be cheaper, more relaxed and way more fun.

My year had a huge absentee rate at the debs and it was mostly the **** that went. I kinda wish i hadn't gone, it was definitely not anywhere close to worth the money it cost.
I have kept some sort of contact with most of my friends. I don't really care that much about the others tbh.

iguana

GO! wrote: »

Debs is honestly an amazing night and the only time you'll ever get the whole year out for the mother of all sessions again!!

Unless you get on really well with your whole year, who cares! The people who are your friends will still be your friends and you can go out with them any night of the week, for years and years to come. Nothing wrong with enjoying your debs if you enjoyed it, but the OP doesn't really want to go to hers and is just worried because people keep telling her she'll regret it if she doesn't go.

My debs was fine, but if I somehow went back in time I probably wouldn't bother going again. It was like a bad wedding with a load of kids dressed as adults. Even at 16 I felt too old for it. The graduation was a better night, more relaxed and natural. But neither night holds a candle to most of the nights out I had when I was in college.

wylo

GO! wrote: »

OP your debs is an amazing night I would be weary of listening to a lot of posters here saying 'Oh I missed mine and I'm glad' as its more than likely they werent liked in the year and probably anti social (hey the internet forums attract them!) Honestly if you have friends outside those 2 girls then why not simply ignore them and talk to the rest of your year?

Debs is honestly an amazing night and the only time you'll ever get the whole year out for the mother of all sessions again!!

Lets be honest, she will be spending most her time around her main friends, you cant just suddenly ignore them even if they did make her feel miserable.
And the people that are saying 'im glad i missed mine', are people that have had much much better nights out either before or after.

Also you say the internet forum attracts anti social people, welcome to the forum:D

PhysiologyRocks

I'd say it's not a big deal either way. I went to mine. It was fine. No better, no worse than most nights of the year. Lots of hype over very little.

Chances are, whether or not you go, it will not affect your life in any significant manner. It probably won't even matter to you the week after.

In terms of weighing up the facts, you will be significantly wealthier financially if you don't go.

That said, it's entirely up to you. Best of luck in whatever you decide.

tanyaog2007

GO! wrote: »

OP your debs is an amazing night I would be weary of listening to a lot of posters here saying 'Oh I missed mine and I'm glad' as its more than likely they werent liked in the year and probably anti social (hey the internet forums attract them!) Honestly if you have friends outside those 2 girls then why not simply ignore them and talk to the rest of your year?

Debs is honestly an amazing night and the only time you'll ever get the whole year out for the mother of all sessions again!!

yes of course people that didnt go to the debs were not liked in the year, are anti social and spend most of their time on the internet :rolleyes:

mental07

I didn't go to mine. Really was not arsed. Don't think I was even around that night, anyway

Red Hand

mental07 wrote: »

I didn't go to mine. Really was not arsed. Don't think I was even around that night, anyway

Same as me. I wasn't interested in going. Alot of trouble for what?

Max Power1

I didnt go to mine. And i dont regret it.


Then again i didnt like the people in my class tbh

Gman1

I didnt go to mine, i got on with everyone in my class. I just didnt get a girl to go. but tbh no regrets i dont mind.

lizzyvera

I've been to loads. They're rubbish and overrated. I didn't go to mine because I was sick of them by the time it came.

LegacyUser

Hi op here well i didnt go and ...... no regrets. Me and the bf used the money that we would have spent and went to Barcelona for four days!!

Lux23

I went and I thought it was a crap night and I still have scars to show for it.

ben bedlam

I didnt go to my debs, despite hearing from everyone about how "important" it was, and I have to say I've never regretted not going or even thought about it really till I saw this thread. Way over-rated.

Toots

I got on well with pretty much everyone in my year, and I did go to my debs, but TBH, I thought it was just a shocking waste of money. The best bit of the whole thing was the bit beforehand when your family comes to your house to see you off.

I'd have been just as happy if I hadn't gone, and a few people I know who didn't go to ours didn't regret it at all. I actually remember saying to my OH about halfway through it that I'd have preferred if the two of us had just gone out for dinner together and gotten a DVD.

By the end of the night a lot of people were pretty messy, 2 girls got sick on the coach on the way home so we had to sit all the way in a stinky bus. Maybe I would have enjoyed it more if I'd been ossified, but really, I've had much better nights out on the town with my friends and haven't had to spend hundreds of euro on all the crap that goes with the debs. If you're 100% sure you don't want to go to your debs now, I don't think that's really gonna change. If you really want to see some of the people you went to school with again, there's nothing to stop you giving them a call and asking them to meet for coffee, it doesn't have to be at the debs.

ChocolateSauce

OP: You sound like me when I was in 6th year. Don't go to the debs, you'll regret wasting money to hang around a bunch of dicks that don't like you; I know I do.

Firetrap

Goes to show what an expensive evening it is when the OP and her boyfriend were able to go to Barcelona for four days with the money they'd have spent on the debs.

Toots

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi op here well i didnt go and ...... no regrets. Me and the bf used the money that we would have spent and went to Barcelona for four days!!

Damn, I wish I'd done that! You'll have much better memories of that to look back on.

LegacyUser

Went to an all boys school and didnt have anyone to go with. Yea I wish Id had someone to bring, kinda feel like I missed out.