One night stand question!

LegacyUser

i am out of a long term relationship (my first relationship) and so to get over it i had a one night stand recently (my firast also). I know initially i was using the guy to get over my ex and so i slept with him. But my problem is i kinda ended up liking the guy after the one night stand - he was really sweet and nice to me. So departing the next morning - he said can i give you my number? i said ok but since i didnt have my mobile with me he rang my phone from his so i would have his number also. he said i could call him!! my friends said this is a bit strange. anyway when i looked at my phone there was no missed call, but i saw him calling my phone. maybe he didnt let it ring long enough or he did it on purpose? what do ye think?

Crash Bang Wall

To be honest it looks like he was after a good nite. If he was ringing you and ur fone was off then I reckon he could have easily sent a txt.

Very small chance that he dialled wrong number but unlikely Id say

Rosita

I'm not sure which bit your friends find strange. Unless you both had "I'm out strictly for a one-night stand" emblazoned on your foreheads it is hardly strange to raise the possibility of meeting up again.

And in my experience is it fairly common to ring someone's number as a way of giving them your number - not sure if that is what your friends find strange.

As for the lack of a missed call, if your phone was switched off would a missed call show up? Not sure on the technical issues of the phone to be honest but am baffled as to what people would consider "strange" about anything that went on.

Rosita

Crash Bang Wall wrote: »

To be honest it looks like he was after a good nite. If he was ringing you and ur fone was off then I reckon he could have easily sent a txt.

Very small chance that he dialled wrong number but unlikely Id say

Only problem with this theory is that he asked for her number - why would be bother if not interested at some level in having it? It doesn't make sense to ask for the number and then try to find some smoke-and-mirrors way out of not using it or giving his own. Far easier just to walk away.

It is impossible to assess the chances of him having dialled the wrong number but it is quite plausible. Obviously it would be a number he had never heard before and was given just verbally. He could quite easily have misheard or misdialled the number.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

i am out of a long term relationship (my first relationship) and so to get over it i had a one night stand recently (my firast also). I know initially i was using the guy to get over my ex and so i slept with him. But my problem is i kinda ended up liking the guy after the one night stand - he was really sweet and nice to me. So departing the next morning - he said can i give you my number? i said ok but since i didnt have my mobile with me he rang my phone from his so i would have his number also. he said i could call him!! my friends said this is a bit strange. anyway when i looked at my phone there was no missed call, but i saw him calling my phone. maybe he didnt let it ring long enough or he did it on purpose? what do ye think?

you should watch hes just not that into you

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

I know initially i was using the guy to get over my ex and so i slept with him.

First off - ouch! But it does happen. But the rest of your post shows the reasoning behind the phrase "be careful what you wish for".

Unregistered wrote: »

But my problem is i kinda ended up liking the guy after the one night stand - he was really sweet and nice to me. So departing the next morning - he said can i give you my number?

Not really a problem; if you like him and he was sweet to you, he probably likes you too. Sounds good so far.

Unregistered wrote: »

he said i could call him!! my friends said this is a bit strange.

Not strange; if he's intuitive and picked up on your first sentence in some way, but liked you, then he might have been happy to let the contact be initiated by you. What your friends say may - or equally may not - be the actual facts.

Unregistered wrote: »

anyway when i looked at my phone there was no missed call, but i saw him calling my phone. maybe he didnt let it ring long enough or he did it on purpose? what do ye think?

If you're going to second-guess and doubt his actions/intentions, then forget about it. If your phone was off or out of coverage it will not show the missed call.

Did you hear your phone ring when he rang it ?

You'll only wreck your head thinking about this (and that's not a criticism - we all do that a bit when we like someone and have our fingers crossed) but the fact is that you won't / can't know for definite.

herya

If your phone was turned off the missed call would not have registered if he hasn't left you voicemail.

Adamisconfused

Plenty of people feel awkward the morning after a one night stand. It’s not unusual to play the old, “I’ll call you” card so as not to make the other person feel cheap when you’re getting dressed and ready to leave.
The awkwardness stems from the man just wanting sex and being unsure whether the woman feels the same way since one can never be sure what the other person wants. He didn’t realise that you were using him for your own validation and would have been happy enough for no strings attached sex.

Anyway…….
If he said he rang you and he didn’t bother then you’ll not hear from him again because he was lying.
If he did genuinely try to ring you then you’ll not hear from him again because he has the wrong number.
Either way, it doesn’t look too bright.

LegacyUser

op here - i think the reason he said i could call him was because we live a bit apart and i sometimes i go to where he lives so he said i could call him if i go there again as he would unlikly be where i live. but if he dialled the wrong number thats it - i wont hear from him again. and as he said i should call him, he wont call me. very unlikely anyway. i did the one night stand to get over my ex - now im in this predicament of liking the one night stand guy and no way of contacting him again. looks like iv'e made my situation worse

LegacyUser

op here - 1 more thing - he asked me was i going to be around that night, i wasn't, and he also said that he might be in my part of the country soon but i didnt say we should meet up as i didnt want to appear too keen. and when he called my phone ( im pretty sure he rang the right number ) i didnt have my phone with me so i didnt know if it rang or not. all i can is wait and see if he rings me (unlikely)

Rosita

Unregistered wrote: »

and when he called my phone ( im pretty sure he rang the right number ) i didnt have my phone with me so i didnt know if it rang or not.

Maybe I am missing something but this doesn't make sense.

You are "pretty sure he rang the right number" (based on what?), yet you don't know if the phone rang or not?

It seems to be simple, if the phone was on and there was no missed call then he didn't ring. If the phone was powered off then him ringing as a means of giving you his number was a waste of time and you have no way of knowing that he rang.

I don't see how you be "pretty sure" that he rang the right number? If the phone was on then you can be certain as a missed call will have shown up. If the phone was off then as I wrote earlier you have no way of knowing either way. "Pretty sure" doesn't come into really.

Reading between the lines of your last post he seemed pretty keen - perhaps for nothing more than just for another night where he knew sex would be on the cards at the end of it (this the downside of the one-night stand business, you never really know where you stand if you have second thoughts on the arrangement) but keen nonetheless. Given that he seemed to be teeing things up for you to meet again it seems likely that he either rang the wrong number or you should have had your phone switched on.

LegacyUser

op here - im 'pretty sure' as the next day when we were parting he dialled my number in his phone and i saw on his screen dailling 08****** (my number) then when i went home i had no missed call. when he was dailling he didnt have the phone to his ear so im guessing he didnt give it enought time for it to connect. my phone was on.

Moomoo1

OP: this is the sort of situation where those ancient implements called 'pen and paper' come handy.

I think that your only hope is that he decides to call really...

Rosita

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - im 'pretty sure' as the next day when we were parting he dialled my number in his phone and i saw on his screen dailling 08****** (my number) then when i went home i had no missed call. when he was dailling he didnt have the phone to his ear so im guessing he didnt give it enought time for it to connect. my phone was on.

Well then chances are he has your number (i.e. it would be in his dialled numbers and if he was keen he'd have saved it) and might call you at some stage but then he might he working under the delusion that you have his number and are not bothering to contact him.

On the other hand, there is maybe a more Machiavellian possibility - perhaps he deliberately did not let the number connect so that he has yours but you don't have his. I have my doubts about this given that he was clearing dropping hints about meeting again but it is possible. It could be possible that he wants to have the option of calling you but that you calling him might not be ideal right now.

I am not sure that this is particularly positive but given that he had sex with you at the first meeting I'd be surprised if he doesn't surface again unless he is particularly tied up in a relationship or something and it's awkward (which I suppose is what I am hinting at in the previous paragraph).

LegacyUser

well he wanted to give me his number first but since i didnt have my phone with me i gave him mine and then he said he would ring my phone so id have his number too so 'id have no excuse not to contact him' (thats what he said) and now i don't have the bloody number anyway. stupid technology!! all i can do is have my phone with me the next time i meet someone as i know he's not going to call me.

Faith

Check your call logs maybe? Is it possible a flatmate/sibling may have used your phone while you weren't there, and made the missed call notice disappear? If he rang, it would still be under 'missed calls' in your call logs.

LegacyUser

op here - i checked the call logs - no missed calls. id say he just didnt leave his phone ring long enough for it to register on my phone. and its kinda pissing me off because ive spend the last year trying to get over my ex so that night i just said to myself - f it - i only live once. then the guy i meet that i actualy like, and him me too i would assume! - it wont go any further. wreck ur head kinda stuff!!! and just my luck!

RedNiamhy

I was in a long term relationship and had never had a one night stand. When we broke up I did the same as OP - went out looking for a one nighter to get over him. I felt interested in the other fella afterwards too but I think it's because I associated sex with love and as a woman it can be hard to seperate the two.
All I can advise is to wait and see. What's for you won't pass you and if he really was interested he'll text or call again!

LegacyUser

op here - one more silly question .... how long would it take if he did decide to call me? like whats the usual length of time?? a few days? a week?

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - one more silly question .... how long would it take if he did decide to call me? like whats the usual length of time?? a few days? a week?

Million dollar question, there!

Some people would have a pathetic "4 day rule", while others - if you'd slept together the first night - would want to reassure a girl that they liked that they hadn't entered the "someone who puts out on the first night isn't relationship material" zone.

And - like all human interaction - either of the above might backfire; one person's "I like you and want to meet you again" can be another person's "aaaargh! too much!".

So depending on what his experience is, it's hard to say.

And - having "given" you his number, he might be sound and leave it to you, so as not to put you under pressure) but since that'll mean that he doesn't call at all (because you don't have his number) it might - unfortunately - be a non-runner......

Are you likely to bump into him again otherwise ?

LegacyUser

no very unlikely il run into him again. but i was thinking about this - i dont have his number so i cant do anything. he has mine so if he liked me enough he will contact me. and if i dont hear from him again then il know he only wanted a one night thing. so probably for the best i didnt get his number. maybe its a sign

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

no very unlikely il run into him again. but i was thinking about this - i dont have his number so i cant do anything.

True.

Unregistered wrote: »

he has mine so if he liked me enough he will contact me. and if i dont hear from him again then il know he only wanted a one night thing.

Er - come again ? Isn't the whole POINT of this thread that he probably dialled the wrong number, and therefore DOESN'T have yours ?

No point wrecking your own head over it, though; if it was an intentional one-nighter, or one of the ones that becomes so by thinking the following day, then you're right.

And if neither of ye do have each other's numbers, then there's nothing you can do.

LegacyUser

hi liam

no he does have my number - im 99% sure of it, i saw his screen dialling my number but i think the reason i dont have his is because he didnt leave his phone ring long enough for it to connect with mine. and when we were leaving each other he said i should call him - so now i cant as i dont have his number. and im pretty sure he wont call me as we live a bit apart. i was wondering when i started this thread if he did it on purpose but i know now from the responses he didnt do it on purpose - if he didnt want to see me again he wouldnt have asked did i want his number. so overall im pretty frustrated that i like this guy and have no way contacting him

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

when we were leaving each other he said i should call him - so now i cant as i dont have his number. and im pretty sure he wont call me as we live a bit apart.

....as he said to call him, which he'll be under the impression you CAN do, only you can't.

Unfortunately, it's the same end result.

Unregistered wrote: »

so overall im pretty frustrated that i like this guy and have no way contacting him

You have my sympathies on that score.

Ah well, at least you can now write it off as a nice experience [albeit with a frustrating technical hitch] and know it's not because someone played you or was leading you on.

Hope that's at least some consolation!

EDIT : Any chance you could find him on Bebo, Facebook or whatever ? It wouldn't be stalking, since he'd asked you to call; you could just leave a message saying "glad I found you on this - my phone was off so I didn't get that call the other day, so couldn't call you like you asked me to. How's things ?".

LegacyUser

i guess il have to put it down as a nice experience. il give it a week and if i hear nothing il just forget about it and move on. just one question - during a one nighter do guys usually kiss and cuddle you and the next moring too??? he did this alot - thats why i was thinking he wanted more than one night.

LegacyUser

Do you know his surname or can you find it out? Then add him on facebook? I would totally lose hope on him contacting you either..Even if you were meant to make the first move, he might throw you a text anyway!

What I think probably happened is that he was low on credit and the low credit warning played first before it actually rang your phone and he didn't realise. Has happened to me before actually when I was trying to miss call someone..

LegacyUser

i cant remember his surname!! I know where he works and lives etc but thats it. il just have to wait it out!

Moomoo1

do you know _exactly_ where he works and lives? If so, I am sure you _can_ trace him.

LegacyUser

i know exactly where he works - they have a website and he is the manger but his name is not on it. but i dont want to search anymore than that as im afraid i might become a bit of a stalker!!!!

LegacyUser

If you know where he works, why dont you just call him there and explain what happened with his mobile number. If he's genuinely interested in you he'll be happy you got in contact with him. If not, at least you tried.

LegacyUser

ok i see he is on bebo - but im not on bebo. so i cant really say will he be my friend. id feel like a stalker if i tried to contact him .... what do ye think?

blairbear

Can you see his profile or is it on private? If you can see it maybe he knows someone you know and you can get his number that way and contact him.

LegacyUser

nope - i think id be afraid he would think i was some stalker. i think i might leave it - im too chicken

Moomoo1

you effectively promised to call that guy - right? If not in so many words, then at least in principle.

if so, then I see no problem with sending him a message on bebo...

LegacyUser

yeah i was meant to contact him - but im not on facebook or bebo. would it look pathetic if i created one especially so i could contact him? i know if he says no il never see him again so i suppose it doesn't matter if i make a fool of myself. and we only live once right!

blairbear

If you're gonna do a profile on one, do it on facebook, cos not many people join bebo for the first time these days. And make sure to add all your friends before you add him and pad out your profile so it doesn't look like you joined to add him..Make sure he's on that too first though actually..!!

Seriously though...just ring where he works..it'll be scary but if he politely rebuffs you, then you never have to see him again and if he says he'd like to meet up you'll be delighted..

I had totally totally written a guy off once..it had been three weeks since he'd taken my number and nothing. Then a friend, who was in the states at the time, texted me asking could they give this same guy my number. He'd found out through various means that we'd a mutual friend, called the friend in the states and got my number. I was delighted someone had gone to that trouble to find me and didn't think it was stalkerish at all. Your guy won't either if he likes you, and if he doesn't..then you won't have to see him or talk to him again anyway.

LegacyUser

hey

well i'm glad u liked the guy. um can i give you a word of advice thou - you are not pshycologically built for one night stands. if this is putting you to so much thought. you've bonded with the guy. its lucky that he was nice. but he could have been a prick and you could be feeling crappy right now which would be sad because you seem like a nice person do you think one nighters are good idea for you ?

also do you feel over your ex ?

LegacyUser

it was my first one night stand and before that i spent ages trying to get over my ex, after the one night stand i knew i wasnt in love with my ex anymore for sure. so i feel i was right to do it. more than likely nothing will come out of my one night stand ( i didnt even expect to like the guy - yes i fancied him but i didnt expect to like him and i did) so overall im glad i did it to get over my ex and i probably wont do it again.

Moomoo1

Unregistered wrote: »

yeah i was meant to contact him - but im not on facebook or bebo. would it look pathetic if i created one especially so i could contact him? i know if he says no il never see him again so i suppose it doesn't matter if i make a fool of myself. and we only live once right!

no, it wouldn't look pathetic. If you promised to contact someone, then you are allowed to use any means neccessary to do so.

LegacyUser

just sent him a message - i probably wont get a reply but at least i cant be thinking 'what if' and he now knows i liked him since i contacted him.

LegacyUser

op here - never got a reply. oh well, looks like he only wanted a one night thing. and he just gave me bull**** on how 'great i was'!!!!!! i know how to pick them!

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

op here - never got a reply. oh well, looks like he only wanted a one night thing. and he just gave me bull**** on how 'great i was'!!!!!! i know how to pick them!

Ah here, it's been LESS than 24 hours. People have lives outside of Facebook! Give him a chance, OP.

LegacyUser

You can see from profiles on bebo when he last visited his profile? That way you can pretty much know whether he saw your message or not.

PS: Some people disable their "last visited" visibility on bebo so this might not even help you.

LegacyUser

il give him one more day. yes he was hot but not worth this waiting around!!

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

il give him one more day. yes he was hot but not worth this waiting around!!

Ah Jaysus, if a guy did get in touch within 72 hours you'd probably view him as too eager!!!

[ only joking - or half - coz I don't know you, personally; but lots would!!! ]

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

- during a one nighter do guys usually kiss and cuddle you and the next moring too??? he did this alot - thats why i was thinking he wanted more than one night.

Being honest I wouldn't do that unless I liked the girl. Liked her with a hope to see her again. In saying that he may be going through a bad spell in his own life and may have needed someone too. You'd be better off putting it behind you. Also don't make a habit of the one night stands, they can really mess you up, especially when you are only out of a relationship. Best of luck anyway.

snowy2008

Unregistered wrote: »

il give him one more day. yes he was hot but not worth this waiting around!!

did he reply??! dont be too hard on yourself about the ons, alot of people have done it and went on to have happy relationships!

LegacyUser

no reply yet - i dont understand it - he was so affectionate and was asking what was i doing that day and was i going out again that night etc. i feel like a stalker but he hasnt being on bebo for a few days so he probably hasn't seen my mail yet. man i need to get a grip!

LegacyUser

Should have just rang where he works & then you'd know one way or the other now.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

no reply yet - i dont understand it - he was so affectionate and was asking what was i doing that day and was i going out again that night etc. i feel like a stalker but he hasnt being on bebo for a few days so he probably hasn't seen my mail yet. man i need to get a grip!

OP - you have done what you should have done all along. It's hard enough to find someone special so when you do it's important to dive in and see what happens. Well done at last.

Firstly - who on earth knows why he has not replied. Maybe he is away on holidays ? it is August.
Secondly - Do you know any other way to contact him ? if so then DO IT. Get it over with and get on with life. There is NOTHING stalker'ish about wanting to contact someone you had sex with and liked.
Maybe he is shy ... maybe he is equally nervous. Maybe he is married. You won't know until you find out and put your mind to rest. And if it does turn out for some reason that he doesn't want to see you - don't be embarrassed ... you are doing what everyone does in life.

I hope it works.

All the best.

LegacyUser

thanks Vaio Crusier - i dont really know any other way other than facebook - i could never ring him at work - id rather climb mount everest!!! Il just forget about it - no more checking my phone and looking at bebo etc. also i think the reason he wanted me to contact him was because as i said im out of a relationship( I TOLD HIM THIS TOO - DRINK!!) and he probably wanted me to contact him when i was ready. ah he was just so nice. ok no more thinking - il let ye all now if he contacts me. thanks all.