Can unattractive, fat girl find love?

ladylouise

can unattractive girl who is heavy find love.is girl like just a joke for guys to make fun out of.why are guys always nasty to girl like me .i feel i,ll always be rejected nearly 30s old never had a boyfriend and never even got my first kiss.
i feel guys are going to rejected no matter how matter how i try to improve ,
may be guys will only see me as one of the lads or friend nothing more.
i am not desperate i am very lonely and very left.every one has one some but me.the guys who were rotten have some one.:mad::(

dlofnep

Can I be brutally honest here?

You only live once, and in that time you should strive to be the best you can be. Start a weight loss program, get in shape, start taking care of yourself and liking yourself a bit more.

A girl from up my way used to be really large as a kid, but when she hit about 22 or 23, she started excercising and now she looks splendid!

It's one of these things - People will try and butter you up and say, it's on the inside what counts. But physical appearance is very important.

You don't need friendly comments here, you need blunt honesty. Join your local gym, work your ass off for 2 years. Do whatever needs to be done to make you feel more confident, whether that be getting teeth whitened or your hair done.

Self-improvement is the clear cut way for you to feel better about yourself, and to give you a real chance for finding someone.

You could do that, or you could sit here and feel sorry for yourself for 2 years and nothing will get done. I mean all this in the most positive means of criticism.

LegacyUser

First of all you are going to have to change your attitiude and be more positive
no one is going to want to be with someone who classes themself as fat and ugly and I am sure you are most certainly not, you just need to boost your self esteem.

Not everyone is loved up and has had lots of loving relationships, you need to focus on loving yourself first before you go looking for someone and it will all fall into place.

All the negativity just drives people away and I do know tha as I have been there myself

smartypants

not being smart or funny here..more brutally honest. if it bothers you that much that you feel your obesity is in the way of you find love...why dont you do something about it? what have you done to improve?

Ibrahimovic91

JOIN A GYM!!!!!!

Its great and really take it serious, listen to every bit of advice, go on the Boards fitness forum, use Youtube etc. etc.

For a start if you dont feel confident going to gym, get walking, we have two months now of decent weather(july is our wet season) so use this as an opportunity to be active outdoors. You don't need stupid 'diet' plans that you probably think you do...JUST NEED TO BE ACTIVE.

then join the gym, do weight exercises and you will see improvements. ITS NO BIG DEAL YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK AT IT

spurious

Plenty of fat girls (and guys) find love. It's to do with confidence. From your post, it seems that's what your real problem is. If you don't like yourself and think you'll 'always be rejected' then that is what will happen. It would still happen if you weren't heavy. Please work on your confidence. There are lots of guys out there who like bigger girls, just as there are girls who like big guys.

ladylouise

Ibrahimovic91 wrote: »

JOIN A GYM!!!!!!

Its great and really take it serious, listen to every bit of advice, go on the Boards fitness forum, use Youtube etc. etc.

For a start if you dont feel confident going to gym, get walking, we have two months now of decent weather(july is our wet season) so use this as an opportunity to be active outdoors. You don't need stupid 'diet' plans that you probably think you do...JUST NEED TO BE ACTIVE.

then join the gym, do weight exercises and you will see improvements. ITS NO BIG DEAL YOU JUST HAVE TO WORK AT IT

Ibrahimovic91 there is no join where i live and no sports clubs either

Ibrahimovic91

where do you live????????

LegacyUser

this is not about being fat and 'unattractive'...its your self confidence my dear. start working on feeling better about yourself, and if that involves exercise - all the better sometimes just making an effort can make all the difference to how you feel about yourself... you'd be very surprised how many people would find you attractive if you feel confident!

Piglet85

Having no gym and no sports club is not an excuse. I hate the gym so I get my exercise by going for long brisk walks and doing exercise dvd's in the comfort of my living room (I recomment Davina McCall if you want to try one, they're interval-training based and include weights sessions). Anyway, my point is, if you want to do it, nothing will stop you. But it doesn't really sound like you do want to, and that's fair enough, you don't have to be thin. But if you really think being overweight is impeding your happiness that much, then why wouldn't you want to?

I have been there, I was fat as a child and for most of my teens, and I made all sorts of excuses for myself, but I am much happier for having done something about it. I know plenty of large girls who are in happy relationships, so that's not stopping you. But your self-image will certainly make it difficult for you to attract men, and if that's being damaged by your weight then stop making excuses and do what it takes to make you feel better about yourself. I know that on days when I feel I look like crap I find it harder to stand tall and look people in the eye, but if I feel I've made a little bit of an effort it gives me such a boost. Even just knowing that you're setting goals for yourself and making progress will make you feel happier, and the exercise will release endorphins as well as improving your health. I know how hard it can be to make yourself do it, but you won't be sorry if you do.

ladylouise

Piglet85 wrote: »

Having no gym and no sports club is not an excuse. I hate the gym so I get my exercise by going for long brisk walks and doing exercise dvd's in the comfort of my living room (I recomment Davina McCall if you want to try one, they're interval-training based and include weights sessions). Anyway, my point is, if you want to do it, nothing will stop you. But it doesn't really sound like you do want to, and that's fair enough, you don't have to be thin. But if you really think being overweight is impeding your happiness that much, then why wouldn't you want to?

I have been there, I was fat as a child and for most of my teens, and I made all sorts of excuses for myself, but I am much happier for having done something about it. I know plenty of large girls who are in happy relationships, so that's not stopping you. But your self-image will certainly make it difficult for you to attract men, and if that's being damaged by your weight then stop making excuses and do what it takes to make you feel better about yourself. I know that on days when I feel I look like crap I find it harder to stand tall and look people in the eye, but if I feel I've made a little bit of an effort it gives me such a boost. Even just knowing that you're setting goals for yourself and making progress will make you feel happier, and the exercise will release endorphins as well as improving your health. I know how hard it can be to make yourself do it, but you won't be sorry if you do.

no excuse there is no gym and no sports clubs.i,ve never been in a gym.no sports shops either,i also poor self esteem because guys bulled me and rejected for some one better looking.so i am stressed never having a boyfriend evening a chance.
the town i live in has nothing going on either no nightclubs,not much pubs,no shopping center,the nearest gym is 40 miles one way and 30 miles the other way,same for the other stuff,

i wish i was good looking,thin so i won,t get rejected like have been for the last 11 years.

Ibrahimovic91

i think your trooling.

Piglet85

I believe you, but my point is, you can lose weight from the comfort of your living room, so don't let that stop you. Sorting out your diet will help a lot as well.

I do sympathise, you don't sound very happy. But the thing is, you have to do something to change that, because if you don't, you'll have to stay unhappy. If you don't like where you live, could you think about moving? There must be some kind of clubs or classes that you could join to meet people, but if not, then maybe you need to look at going somewhere else and starting afresh.

Stop obsessing over not having a boyfriend because that will happen in time if you make yourself happier by sorting out the other things that are bothering you. Try to make new friends first, and don't put too much pressure on yourself to find love immediately. You're not the first thirty-something virgin in the world and you won't be the last, but your life is far from over and you have plenty of time to change things. The point is though, it has to be you that improves your situation. Do whatever will make you happier, because whether you change things or not, time passes, and you will be sorry if you're still in this situation in five or ten years time. Good luck!

LegacyUser

Don't idealize being thin and/or good looking. It doesn't ensure you won't get rejected. It's part of life that you people may reject you or treat you badly. I'm not saying it's a good part or that you deserve it. The only thing we can control is how we react to it, how we deal with the feelings. You can put all of these bad experiences to good use. Use them to drive you to change your life. If you hate where you live, then move. Even if it is a recession, this is still possible. Nothing is forcing you to stay put. If you hate your weight, eat less, and like someone else said, buy a work-out dvd. You just need a pair of runners you could buy from dunnes or penneys, you don't even need a sports shop.

NOTHING will change if you just spend your life wallowing in self pity.

fasterkitten

According to the threads you've started you're at an advanced stage of Taekwondo and horse riding.

dudara

You also have a thread in the Martial Arts forum about black belt gradings so you're hardly a stranger to fitness or training.

Convince me that you're not trolling here or I will close this thread.

Clarehobo

In answer to your question; yes, they can find love.
Not many girls look like Anne Hathaway or Elle MacPherson.
Not many guys look like Brad Pitt or Dan Carter.
There is someone for everyone.

As someone has already pointed out, it's negativity that drives people away.
Sorry to point this out but you are coming across as very negative, putting down peoples suggestions when they are trying to help and support you.

Would you want to spend time with a guy if all he did was give out and moan?
I think you might want to work on being positive- not in a "so smiley and sweet you hurt peoples teeth" positive but just not putting negative thoughts out there where you could put out positive thoughts.

You want to lose weight? Watch what you eat, go out walking. I lost all my weight through walking.
You want to meet new people/guys? Join a local group that cover something you are interested in.
You want to start dating? Try online dating, plenty of people do it and meet people they like.

Stop making excuses and start doing something about it. If you cannot pull yourself out of this negative hole, maybe you should see a counsellor or life coach.

Start acting positively and eventually you will start thinking positively and being a positive person. This in turn will attract people. Start doing something about your weight if it's an issue for you. 20 mins brisk walk 3 times a week and watching your diet makes a massive difference.

None of us are experts on life or dating or happiness and different things work for different people- but you know yourself you are not happy with your situation, so YOU have to make changes to make your life something you are happy with.

Good luck!

Handsome Bob

For the hell of it I'll just assume that you are not a troll.

Take small steps, when I lost weight (and I had to lose quite a bit too) I didn't join a gym. Instead I bought an exercise bike because I felt intimidated about working out in front of people (especially because of all those gym stereotypes out there :pac:) and it gave me a great platform for weight loss, all in the comfort of my own home!

ladylouise

not trolling what ever that means i am 4 stone over weight i only went back martial artrs to day after 2 yaers away from it.i need lost weight to do horse riding.but i have travel about 50 miles away to nearest club.my doctor told do martial arts i do it once a week for hour,and other half hour.i do find it hard to lose weight and i feel awful.

thats all i have no more,i have no friends,no job, its not my weight really i just want help to find why guys rejected me so much

dudara

The real issue here isn't your weight (although that's clearly not helping your mental state) but how men perceive you.

The fact that you're caught up on why men reject you time after time speaks volumes to me. It suggests that you focus on the negative rather than the positive. Have you spoken to your GP about getting some counselling?

ladylouise

thanks but not helpng me

Silverfish

ladylouise wrote: »

thanks but not helpng me

We can only give you advice. Its up to you what to do with it.

You say you're fat, we can tell you to lose weight, and how. You have no gyms in your area? Grand, go for a run or a jog or a walk. Watch what you eat.

But mostly, you need to look at your negative attitude. Look at how you are coming across to people.

Clarehobo

ladylouise wrote: »

thanks but not helpng me

So the counselling is not helping?
Or people taking time posting here in order to help you are not helping?

Kimia

hi Louise. I don't know what to say to you really. You've received a lot of helpful advice from other people on this thread and you're not taking any of it in. What answer do you want? There is no magic pill that will make you feel happy or make you instantly thin.

What you need to do is make a positive change in your life. So there's no gym around, so what? Go walking, go to more martial arts classes, change your diet, even do jumping jacks in your living room! Just get going and stop feeling sorry for yourself because you are on a road to nowhere with that attitude.

Best of luck, I mean it. The only person that can change your situation is you. Once you start becoming happy with who you are, you will gain confidence and people will be drawn to you, but again, you're the only person who can make that happen.

ladylouise

thanks for you advice buts not my weight its about all the rejection i have gotten and never having boyfriend it bothering me not my weight as much,guys be mean to me and rejection me .its that not my weight

Handsome Bob

ladylouise wrote: »

thanks for you advice buts not my weight its about all the rejection i have gotten and never having boyfriend it bothering me not my weight as much,guys be mean to me and rejection me .its that not my weight

You don't think the things are interrelated?

fasterkitten

The issue is probably your attitude - the negativity, being miserable yet doing nothing to change your situation, asking for advice and then systematically finding reasons why the options laid out are unsuitable, etc.

Ibrahimovic91

wow your english is really really bad. why cant you actually construct a proper sentence?

dudara

Ibrahimovic91 wrote: »

wow your english is really really bad. why cant you actually construct a proper sentence?

Ibrahimovic91 - Unhelpfull or off-topic posts are not appreciated in PI. Please stick to the topic at hand

dudara

DenMan

Ibrahimovic91 wrote: »

wow your english is really really bad. why cant you actually construct a proper sentence?

Why are you putting the OP down so much. Shame on you.

Have you not got anything useful to say to her?

dudara

DenMan wrote: »

Why are you putting the OP down so much. Shame on you.

Have you not got anything useful to say to her?

DenMan - Please only post if you can offer advice. Leave the modding to the mods.

dudara

ladylouise

LZ5by5 wrote: »

You don't think the things are interrelated?

are they related?

Recon

ladylouise wrote: »

are they related?

of course they are.

ladylouise

i am not stupid is just i was thought personalty before looks is that wrong.

DenMan

Sorry dudara

That post just annoyed me.

Hi OP

I think you just need to have a good look at yourself inside and identify what you like about yourself. You have a lot going for yourself.

Concentrate on the positives and what you enjoy doing. You will feel a lot better about yourself.

Handsome Bob

ladylouise wrote: »

are they related?

Men treat you like a dog because they have no respect for how you look. This in turn makes you feel like a dog and eats away at your confidence, it makes you feel inferior. So, the simple solution here in order to stop men treating you like a dog is to get active and to lose the weight. Once you do that you will feel great. Four stone is pefectly doable, I lost that amount with an exercise bike and not one visit to the gym.

Silverfish

ladylouise wrote: »

i am not stupid is just i was thought personalty before looks is that wrong.

Its not wrong. But my understanding was you were unhappy yourself with your weight.

Not to be harsh, but if at 30 years of age you say all men have rejected you, the only constant throughout this is you. So we are suggesting that perhaps you may need to look at the impressions you are giving off.

ladylouise

Silverfish wrote: »

Its not wrong. But my understanding was you were unhappy yourself with your weight.

Not to be harsh, but if at 30 years of age you say all men have rejected you, the only constant throughout this is you. So we are suggesting that perhaps you may need to look at the impressions you are giving off.

am yeah sounds weird doesn,t it its beats the odds bit don,t it.i can,t understand it either

ladylouise

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Men treat you like a dog because they have no respect for how you look. This in turn makes you feel like a dog and eats away at your confidence, it makes you feel inferior. So, the simple solution here in order to stop men treating you like a dog is to get active and to lose the weight. Once you do that you will feel great. Four stone is pefectly doable, I lost that amount with an exercise bike and not one visit to the gym.

i like dogs .

Kimia

You can't understand why they reject you? I think what Silverfish is trying to say is previously it sounded like you were unhappy with your weight which is what we were giving advice on up to now.

Louise there has to be some reason that you are finding it so difficult to interact with men without rejection. You're right, it's not about looks, it's about personality, so you need to examine yourself and see if there is something in the way you project yourself to others that may be off-putting. I don't mean change your personality, I mean perhaps you may be a little self-pitying? Also, if you believe that men don't want you and are mean and bullying, it's like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You get back what you put out there. If you are putting out negativity, you'll only get negativity back. Try and be positive and work on your self-esteem and confidence. Confidence is very attractive.

Silverfish

el diablo, please read the charter before posing, and leave the moderating to the mods please.

Sinall

You don't feel good about yourself, maybe due to the weight. Men are rejecting you because you don't feel good about yourself. It's that simple. If you are happy in yourself, then you will portray a happy, confident, secure, fun image. If you are unhappy with yourself you are probably coming across as insecure and needy. So there's the personality element.

If losing weight is what it takes to feel good about yourself then you know what you have to do! Once you feel good, all the other things will fall into place

ladylouise

may i am just friend material ?since no body know what i look like.i am really unattractive looking and heavy ,even if i was slim i still get rejected any way,
may be i am not girlfriend material at all no matter what guy it is.

Sinall

The fact that you think you are unattractive looking is the problem. No, we don't know what you look like, but we don't know how you interact with men, so we can't tell you if you are girlfriend material. I think you can't be attracted to everyone - some guys will see you as girlfriend material, some won't.

Do you talk to guys a lot? Have conversations? Interact with them?

Sinall

ladylouise wrote: »

even if i was slim i still get rejected any way,
may be i am not girlfriend material at all no matter what guy it is.

This sounds like an excuse not to lose weight! I'm not being harsh, we all make excuses, procrastinate, make justifications etc. I'm just trying to point out (in a kind manner!) that it's that kind of thinking that will hold you back.

Handsome Bob

OP you've got to be more receptive here because for the people trying to give you advice it's like hitting their heads against a brick wall.

It's simple. Lose weight. Confidence will grow. Men will sit up and take notice.

muboop1

ladylouise wrote: »

may i am just friend material ?since no body know what i look like.i am really unattractive looking and heavy ,even if i was slim i still get rejected any way,
may be i am not girlfriend material at all no matter what guy it is.

You know what? i wouldn't go on a date with you either!

Why? You seem to just have no confidence!
Why?

I'm not to sure, but you seem to relate it to your weight even if you don't realise it!

Look, you have an excuse for everything.

Guys are mean... You're unattractive... Your overweight... You have no gym to fix it...blah blah.

STOP!!!!!!

You need to like yourself before anybody else is going to.

If you only gain confidence by having a guy, or justify yourself by having a guy...

It's a crutch!

You need to like you before anyone else can!

How many times have you been in a club and seen an average girl have all the lads? Why? she thinks she is great... so... so do we! she must be special to be so confident! WOW i want her...

Personality is a big part of it!
A huge part of it!
But not all of it.

Usually bar the "friends" route, it seems that a physical attraction is necessary. Why? Well simple, you looks will often attract a guy so he will want to get to know you!

Then things happen from there.

Alot could also be your attitude in general. Beyond even your confidence. Your lack of a guy until now might mean you act in a certain way by "default" thus making friends where there might of been more etc...

Give out the vibe you arent interested for whatever reason, and we wont touch you.

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Men treat you like a dog because they have no respect for how you look. This in turn makes you feel like a dog and eats away at your confidence, it makes you feel inferior. So, the simple solution here in order to stop men treating you like a dog is to get active and to lose the weight.

I'd be careful there. Sounds like you're saying it's okay for men to treat a woman like a dog based on her appearance and that's solely her fault, not the men in question.

It'd be a good thing for this girl to lose weight. But I've seen men treat slim athletic sporty women like dogs simply because they still didn't like how they look. There's no decency in that no matter what a person's weight.

This girl should lose weight for herself. Not for men who treat women like dogs.

Handsome Bob

Unreginald wrote: »

I'd be careful there. Sounds like you're saying it's okay for men to treat a woman like a dog based on her appearance and that's solely her fault, not the men in question.

That wasn't my intention, I was just saying that it's a fact that a lot of men will treat a woman like dirt over the way she looks. Just like how a lot of women will treat a man like dirt who she perceives to be "not in her league." I'm not saying these attitudes are right, in fact they disgust me, but that's the way it is in regards to a lot of people.

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

That wasn't my intention, I was just saying that it's a fact that a lot of men will treat a woman like dirt over the way she looks. Just like how a lot of women will treat a man like dirt who she perceives to be "not in her league." I'm not saying these attitudes are right, in fact they disgust me, but that's the way it is in regards to a lot of people.

I understand. Ofcourse there are people like that. It would be naive to pretend there arent. But I've seen women dedicate themselves to the gym and be exceptional athletes. Yet they're still disrespected because they're too tall or their nose is too big or some other flaw that men like to pick on. You're on a hiding to nowhere trying to change yourself to earn respect from that kind of man. It's amazing the slobs who will treat a woman like dirt over the way she looks simply to impress their peers. The same applies to women with the same attitude.

Trying to be happy with yourself is a much more achievable and worthwhile goal.

Handsome Bob

Unreginald wrote: »

I understand. Ofcourse there are people like that. It would be naive to pretend there arent. But I've seen women dedicate themselves to the gym and be exceptional athletes. Yet they're still disrespected because they're too tall or their nose is too big or some other flaw that men like to pick on. You're on a hiding to nowhere trying to change yourself to earn respect from that kind of man. It's amazing the slobs who will treat a woman like dirt over the way she looks simply to impress their peers. The same applies to women with the same attitude.

Trying to be happy with yourself is a much more achievable and worthwhile goal.

I wholeheartedly agree.