Feel like a pr*ck

scrubs

rite not sure where to put this but here goes,

i've been away from home for a few years now and back when i was in secondary school i was very mean to this guy, he lives at home and i bump into him thw odd time when i home but dont talk much.. the last time we talked he explained how i made his life hell all them years ago, his brothers also know and dont like me because of it, but anway i was on the fone to one of the lads back home and they were saying he was in a bad accident at work and he was in critical condistion in hospital and they dont think he will live threw the night.. i feel so bad now i made this poor guy life hell and now this happens.. i was plan on going home thiw weekend anyway so i going to vist him please god he is till alive and apoligise for everything i have done.. i've tryed in the past to say sorry but it always ended in him goin for me.. so im not really lookin for advice just an outlet for my emotions i suppsoe..if you have read this thank you

Fajitas!

Don't go to him in the hospital. His family will be there, and tender enough as it is, without you showing your face. You may feel bad about your previous behaviour now, but turning up to apologise for it won't do any good at the moment, especially if you've tried before.

Dean820

Just a thought - are you doing this for him or yourself?

I would agree with Fajitas! and say stay clear, it just seems like a bad idea. You're not a close friend or family.

scrubs

tbh i had'nt even taut about it i just felt i need to apolagise before anything happened, because if not it will be with me for life, i dont want to sound in anyway selfish by sayin that , its just i feel likea right c*nt now, i know its all my own fault

Fajitas!

Well, if you turned up saying that, you'd appear nothing more than selfish. Send on your best wishes if you do meet any friends or family, but other than that, I'm afraid you might feel like a c*nt for a while.

scrubs

i know his sister fairly well we use to work together, i just text her with my best wishes.. and i was doing for him, i want him to know that i was sorry for what i had done... he didnt deserve it at all..

tbh

listen scrubs, this is just one of those things that you can't change I'm afraid. The guy is under no obligation to forgive or forget, I know that's hard on you, but it is what it is. The only thing you can do is accept that what you did is wrong and resolve not to do it again, it sounds like you're already there. Please god the guy will pull through and you'll get a chance to apologise again, but don't beat yourself up for stuff you did when you were younger - it serves no purpose. If you really feel bad about it, maybe you could get involved with an anti-bullying organisation or something.

Dean820

Well if you're doing this for yourself and not him, stay well clear!

But personally, I don't think you have anything to be sorry for in this situation, yes he's dying but its not like he killed himself over you or anything. Accidents happen.

scrubs

i pray to god he does, ya i know im going to try and do something my brothers a teacher so im goin to get on to him..i feel sick with worry, i keep thinking back on them days in school and how i could have done things differntly.. if only..

all_smilz

I wouldnt visit him, unless he gets well.
Maybe its harsh of me to say this but it might just be YOUR time to suffer.

If you feel bad about it make amends by thinking "who else was i mean to?" and trying to do something about it.

KARMA is a hoor.

I used to be bullied a LOT in school, loads of people laughing at me and following me home calling me names and telling me they'd kill my little dog, humiliating me. SINCE I WAS ABOUT 7 til i was 19.
Its resulted in very low self esteem and other problems.
I dont understand how some people think they can treat others so badly and get away with it....

serjical_strike

well tbh you should feel like a pr*ck, you should have thought about what you were doing at the time to this fella and how you were hurting him so now you have to live with it wether he lives or dies cause by the sounds of it you will never be forgiven by him. no sympathy for you, this fella is dying after his accident and all you can think about is being forgiven by him..

all_smilz

Well if he recovers it might be good for the victim of all this to forgive the op but there's no guarantee he would.

tbh

serjical_strike wrote: »

well tbh you should feel like a pr*ck, you should have thought about what you were doing at the time to this fella and how you were hurting him so now you have to live with it wether he lives or dies cause by the sounds of it you will never be forgiven by him. no sympathy for you, this fella is dying after his accident and all you can think about is being forgiven by him..

you've never done something as a child that you wouldn't do as an adult? we all make mistakes man. To err is human, to forgive, divine. Or maybe you're saying that nobody is capable or allowed to change? All that matters is the person the OP is now, not what he was.

Terodil

tbh wrote: »

you've never done something as a child that you wouldn't do as an adult? we all make mistakes man.

Yeah that's true, but to methodically bully somebody over years is not a simple 'mistake'. Especially considering that it leaves scars till the end of the victim's life.

tbh wrote: »

To err is human, to forgive, divine. Or maybe you're saying that nobody is capable or allowed to change?

That's true. But even if forgiving is divine, the victim is under no obligation whatsoever to do it, and neither is he a bad person for not forgiving. After all he has gone through, it's nobody's business to tell him what to cope with or how or to forgive. The power of forgiveness is his and his alone.

tbh wrote: »

All that matters is the person the OP is now, not what he was.

To the OP yes. To the victim, no.

OP, if you really are sincere about it, I would suggest you write him a letter and apologise earnestly, and wish him better.

Then see where that takes you. He may forgive you and after a while, you *might* actually end up as friends.

BTW I'm impressed with your self-criticism. It takes some courage and self-reflection to arrive at the point you're in now. I hope for both your sakes that you manage to overcome the past.

Best of luck.

Taltos

scrubs wrote: »

i've tryed in the past to say sorry but it always ended in him goin for me..

It seems you have already tried to say sorry to this guy.
Anything more at this stage is really more about you making yourself feel better. Instead if he improves just try to be a mate or a casual friend - but only if he lets you. We all make mistakes - sometimes we need to - and sometimes it is more about what we do afterwards - not what we say...

He might not be able to forgive you for what you did - but you know life goes on and it is all too easy to dwell on the negative.

Would stay away from him and his family though - if you do bump into them / his sister - just let them know that you hope he is doing ok.
But FGS - stop saying sorry to him and to them...

I think you might have texted sorry again to her - if asked just be clear you are sorry for the accident - do not comment back on your childhood.

messrs

i dont think you shd go near the hosp, esp as his family all know how you treated him , you hve tried ot apologies a number of times so im sure the victim knows your sorry.
its just not that easy to forgive - i got really badly bullied all through school and my teenage years and its still effects my state of mind now, and i see these girls in my local town and to be honest i dont want to hear their apologies (not that any of them hve ever tried) bt not matter how much you say sorry OP, the victim still has the mental scars and thats very hard to overcome - well at least thats they way it is for me.
not trying to make you feel bad OP, at least you feel remorse for what you done and are trying to make amends, but for the sake of his family, esp in this delicate time, i wouldnt call in to see him.

LegacyUser

OP - you've contacted his sister so dont do any more for now. Leave the family alone to their own problems. If he does pull through this, then write him a letter apologising for your past behaviour and leave it at that. As somebody who was bullied in the past, it is difficult for me to contemplate even talking to that bully never mind being friends with them, so the best you can do is let him know how sorry you are and then move on. At least you now know what you did was wrong - most bullies never realise the harm they caused to other people.

Eve_Dublin

Sorry to be harsh, OP but your getting your comeupance now. What goes around comes around and if this guy chooses not to forgive you, then he has chosen to let you suffer. That's life. Suck it up like he had to for all those years. I'm glad you feel remorse but leave him be. I was bullied for a few years at school and I still have an incredible amount of bitterness inside me for those girls and I think the guilt they might feel about what they did to me and my friends is the very LEAST they should have to go through. Karma.

fasty

tbh wrote: »

you've never done something as a child that you wouldn't do as an adult? we all make mistakes man. To err is human, to forgive, divine. Or maybe you're saying that nobody is capable or allowed to change? All that matters is the person the OP is now, not what he was.

I 100% agree with this. I've done some rotten things in my past and feel terrible about them but I'll never do it again and try my best to be decent to people now.

People shouldn't ALWAYS be judged by the worst thing they've done.

OP, this sucks for you but you won't help this poor chap or his family right now, what you were like is the least of their worries.

mattysin

serjical_strike wrote: »

well tbh you should feel like a pr*ck, you should have thought about what you were doing at the time to this fella and how you were hurting him so now you have to live with it wether he lives or dies cause by the sounds of it you will never be forgiven by him. no sympathy for you, this fella is dying after his accident and all you can think about is being forgiven by him..

im not religious at all but Jeebus said something very true once

" Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone "

you might want to think back and realise you havent always been such an angel .

mattysin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Sorry to be harsh, OP but your getting your comeupance now. What goes around comes around and if this guy chooses not to forgive you, then he has chosen to let you suffer. That's life. Suck it up like he had to for all those years. I'm glad you feel remorse but leave him be. I was bullied for a few years at school and I still have an incredible amount of bitterness inside me for those girls and I think the guilt they might feel about what they did to me and my friends is the very LEAST they should have to go through. Karma.

kids will be kids and some kids will be cruel and spend the rest of their life being good to people to make up for mistakes whereas some people are good quiet kids that turn out to be evil monsters when they get older. it takes a real man to face up to his mistakes and try to make amends.

which is worse ?? which is right ??? either way unless you know more about a situation you shouldnt make an unjustified comment . dont use your own experiences to judge others

Eve_Dublin

fasty wrote: »

I 100% agree with this. I've done some rotten things in my past and feel terrible about them but I'll never do it again and try my best to be decent to people now.

People shouldn't ALWAYS be judged by the worst thing they've done.

OP, this sucks for you but you won't help this poor chap or his family right now, what you were like is the least of their worries.

Fair enough but in that case we'd forgive everyone for their crimes regardless of their severity and never try them. That's all well and good in Care Bear Land but not in reality. Perhaps I sound bitter and unforgiving but I am glad the OP has the decency to feel remorse. If he didn't, I'd be worried. All the OP is feeling is a bit of guilt and so he should do. It will pass in time.

OP, you're not responsible for this guy's accident. Bad thnigs happen to good people (as you know only too well). I'm sure the last thing he's thinking about now is how you treated him...I'm sure he'd plenty of good memories besides.

Eve_Dublin

mattysin wrote: »

kids will be kids and some kids will be cruel and spend the rest of their life being good to people to make up for mistakes whereas some people are good quiet kids that turn out to be evil monsters when they get older. it takes a real man to face up to his mistakes and try to make amends.

which is worse ?? which is right ??? either way unless you know more about a situation you shouldnt make an unjustified comment . dont use your own experiences to judge others

I agree but I'm entitled to speak from my perspective. I'm not the one making the real judgement though..I'm only posting here on Boards...the guy he bullied has chosen not to have anything to do with him and he should respect that.

Eve_Dublin

mattysin wrote: »

kids will be kids and some kids will be cruel and spend the rest of their life being good to people to make up for mistakes whereas some people are good quiet kids that turn out to be evil monsters when they get older. it takes a real man to face up to his mistakes and try to make amends.

which is worse ?? which is right ??? either way unless you know more about a situation you shouldnt make an unjustified comment . dont use your own experiences to judge others

Actually, maybe you're right, maybe I am letting my own experiences taint my input here. The difference is the OP is sorry and the girls who gave me hard time made no effort to make amends everytime I go back to home town and see them out and about.

OP, I do admire your honesty and the fact that you can admit that you were wrong. I'd probably accept your apology if it was me but saying that, I don't know the circumstances or the severity of the bullying. Maybe the letter idea is a good one...

PK2008

scrubs wrote: »

rite not sure where to put this but here goes,

i've been away from home for a few years now and back when i was in secondary school i was very mean to this guy, he lives at home and i bump into him thw odd time when i home but dont talk much.. the last time we talked he explained how i made his life hell all them years ago, his brothers also know and dont like me because of it, but anway i was on the fone to one of the lads back home and they were saying he was in a bad accident at work and he was in critical condistion in hospital and they dont think he will live threw the night.. i feel so bad now i made this poor guy life hell and now this happens.. i was plan on going home thiw weekend anyway so i going to vist him please god he is till alive and apoligise for everything i have done.. i've tryed in the past to say sorry but it always ended in him goin for me.. so im not really lookin for advice just an outlet for my emotions i suppsoe..if you have read this thank you

Being sorry/asking for forgiveness won't do s**t for the kid you bullied- that kid, just like the kid you were, are both gone. There's no "moral to the story" for this kind of thing, theres no "journey" where everyone learns a "lesson" that makes all involved better people - this isnt an episode of scrubs (like your name implies)

The kids involved (yours and his former self) are gone- as adults you both have to deal with what happened- you with your guilt, him with his pain- its possible neither of you ever will but unless you have a time machine you cant change what happened- even if he said he forgives you it doesnt change what happened.

Do him a favour- dont go to his bedside, dont go near his family and dont go near him. If you're wracked with guilt, then that s**t is yours to deal with, nobody elses-especially not your victim (until he wants to)

DamagedTrax

OP,

i'd stay away for the moment. say a prayer (or whatever way you ask for help) for the guy and if he pulls thru then go visit and let him know you're sorry and that your thoughts were with him when he was in trouble.

dudara

OP - children can be right little b*stards, especially to other children, but thankfully most of us grow up into considerate adults.

The positive thing about your experience is that you are aware of it and have learned from it.

however, I don't think that apologising to this lad will achieve anything at the moment. You've mentioned that he has gone for you in the past when you've tried to apologise, so he's clearly not willing to accept a sorry from you.

If he pulls through, maybe then, if you still feel the same way, then you might be able to send a message via a family member.

Danco

OP you deserve to feel terrible about this for the rest of your life. You knew when you were bullying this guy that you shouldn't have been doing it but you didn't stop then. Now you feel bad and you want him to put a stop to that for you. You acted out of selfishness then and you're acting out of selfishness now. You don't deserve any sympathy. Leave the guy and his family alone. Try to approach them now and you'll only cause trouble for them and yourself.

Handsome Bob

OP firstly it's good that you showed remorse even before the guy had his accident, which suggests to me that you are genuinely sorry and not just bricking it that the poor chap will possibly die.

Unfortunately however OP there's nothing you can do. What tbh said earlier about all that matters now is the person you are today is definitely true in your case. However the chap you bullied should not be expected to forgive and forget; you may have come out of childhood unscathed, but what he went through as a child has had a direct impact on the adult he is today. You'd be amazed at how much low self-esteem stemming from childhood experiences can damage your ability to be able to live life and establish relationships etc etc.

Just hope that he survives. If he does, send him a letter outlining just how sorry you are over everything that you have done to him.

fasty

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Fair enough but in that case we'd forgive everyone for their crimes regardless of their severity and never try them.

Haha, there's always one. I'm not talking about murder and rape here but the context of what the OP said.

WellyJ

Yeh, the only reason you have this crushing desire to apologise now is because its your last chance to shift the guilt.

As others have said, don't go to the hospital, the only one who may benefit from that is you yourself.

You should take this experience onboard and let it influence how you treat people in future.

Eve_Dublin

fasty wrote: »

Haha, there's always one. I'm not talking about murder and rape here but the context of what the OP said.

Glad you find me so amusing....

Who mentioned murder or rape?

The point I was making was that we can't forgive everyone for what they did just because they feel sorry and particularly in murder and rape cases. Are you trying to make light of the severity of bullying by comparing it to more serious crimes? Have you been bullied yourself Fasty?
I'm guessing who haven't by how quick you are to stand up for the OP but I could be wrong.

We have no idea what he put this fella through and either do you...I'm guessing it was serious enough for the guy to hate him so much after all these years. For all we know the OP could have kicked the cr*p out of the guy every day for years and in that case, I would say the crime is as serious as rape and it could've easily led to murder if he kicked him in the wrong part of his body. I'm only speculating but this type of bullying goes on all of the time and tbh, I don't think it's taken seriously enough. The difference is that children of that age are more afraid to ask for help than an adult would. the child suffers alone and it affects his confidence then and in later life and affects his relations with others forever.

If all the OP feels is guilt, then surely that's normal? It's a small price to pay for what he did in my opinion.

It's people like you who make light of childhood bullying that only compounds the the problem. Your flippant post actually p*ssed me off to be honest because this is a very personal issue for me, for a lot of people who were bullied as children and for the the OP's victim who are still suffering from the consequences today.

fasty

Well you said:

Fair enough but in that case we'd forgive everyone for their crimes regardless of their severity and never try them.

That takes my comment about people being judged for the worst things they've done out of context by a long way. I'm not saying the guy's done right and he will have to deal with the fact that he bullied some poor chap but he won't do it again. People who make up for their mistakes certainly get my forgiveness. This isn't a religious thing, or a moral thing, it's just my opinion and I think the world would be a nicer place if people didn't hold on to their negative baggage.

Anyway, I've been bullied and I've bullied people in the past. I feel bad about it but I don't need people like yourself coming in all smug going "good enough for you" to myself or the OP because the simple fact is, Ive made up for all the rotten things I've done, and then some since I was a teen.

Anyway, I don't want to drag this off topic and incur the wrath of the mods. I'm merely providing a more level headed voice than "ha ha, f**k you OP, you deserve it!"

Eve_Dublin

fasty wrote: »

Well you said:


That takes my comment about people being judged for the worst things they've done out of context by a long way. I'm not saying the guy's done right and he will have to deal with the fact that he bullied some poor chap but he won't do it again. People who make up for their mistakes certainly get my forgiveness. This isn't a religious thing, or a moral thing, it's just my opinion and I think the world would be a nicer place if people didn't hold on to their negative baggage.

Anyway, I've been bullied and I've bullied people in the past. I feel bad about it but I don't need people like yourself coming in all smug going "good enough for you" to myself or the OP because the simple fact is, Ive made up for all the rotten things I've done, and then some since I was a teen.

Anyway, I don't want to drag this off topic and incur the wrath of the mods. I'm merely providing a more level headed voice than "ha ha, f**k you OP, you deserve it!"

Fine but you said people shouldn't ALWAYS be judged on what they've done in the past. No one is judging the OP because nobody knows what the OP did. All I'm saying is the OP's "victim" is entitled to judge all he wants and the OP should leave him to it. If the guy hates OP, he is perfectly entitled to.



Does he deserve to be ignored? Yes and for me to state that is hardly being "smug". As i said before, it's a very, very very small price he has to pay for what he did. I'm not declaring the OP should be shot! I've been ignored and hated for less!

I do respect the OP's honesty and remorse though, if you read my other posts.

LegacyUser

ok. wow. lots said here. alot of you responders need to get over your own **** i feel. telling the OP he deserves to feel bad forever more ? Come on.

anyhow. let me say my piece - cos its possibly useful as opposed to judgemental.

i was bullied really badly throughout primary & secondary school - i mean from day 1 of primary to last day of secondary (and in a different way i suppose at home too). it did mess me up for a long time. i did for a long time hold alot of angst against people. but then some other **** happened. i had a lot of health issues to deal with. Having major health problems. That changes ur persepctive. Thats the time you REALLY find out who your friends are. When I got sick some people who I thought were friends showed their true colours and didn't give me support and ended up causing me more pain than any bully ever had. then other people i didn't really know that well turned out to be pillars of support. Anyhow coming out the other end of these things - you are a different person than you started out. Recently enough, I met one of my old school bullies at a wedding and got talking to him for first time in years. to my utter amazement i actually kind of liked him and had a good laugh with him. we both older, we're both different people than who we were. but alot of time and life had passed. And having been through all i had been through than ancient history of bullying seemed irrelevant sharing a few years.


So applying things to ur situation. U feel guitly etc. Well ok. But guilt is a useless self-indulgent emotion. Feel the guilt, decided to learn from it and not repeat your mistakes and then discard the guilt - its served its purpose. don't carry that **** around it just makes you pathetic. in the acute short term. he's gravely ill. you've txted the sister. leave it at that (if theres no news in a few days maybe txt her again and ask how he is doing - forget the i feel crap for bullying him **** - not at all useful to her or him). its a family time till it becomes apparent if he is improving or not. if he starts improving then give it some time till he is out of danger zone. then maybe you could send a card and say you heard what happened, or send him a good book or something to help him pass of hosptial boredom. maybe offer thru the sister to help out or something. maybe visit when he's realtively well and sister thinks it would be ok. he does not need you coming in being all self-indulgent and apologetic. he will have bigger things to worry about. and besides - TALK IS CHEAP. you could pour your heart out with beautiful words or whatever but it will just annoy him most likely. Doing a handful of useful things for him in a time of need (without being overbearing) will go FAR FAR FAR further in helping both of you feel better about the past - without actually having to talk about it.


And if he doesn't make it then that will be a tragedy for all. I'm sorry but theres nothing that can be done about that. Lets all hope he pulls throught thou for his sake, for his families sake.

Danco

fasty wrote: »

Ive made up for all the rotten things I've done, and then some since I was a teen.

I wonder if the people you bullied would agree with that assertion.

fasty

Danco wrote: »

I wonder if the people you bullied would agree with that assertion.

There's not much I can do about that now, is there? This isn't about me though, I was just responding to Eve and I think we're more or less in agreement and just got our wires crossed.

I think you'll find that generally, studies on bullying show that kids who are bullied often become bullies themselves.

I like to think I turned out all right in the end.

Eve_Dublin

fasty wrote: »

There's not much I can do about that now, is there? This isn't about me though, I was just responding to Eve and I think we're more or less in agreement and just got our wires crossed.

I think you'll find that generally, studies on bullying show that kids who are bullied often become bullies themselves.

I like to think I turned out all right in the end.

yep, we're singing from the same hymn sheet then. Lets leave it at that.

My bullying has resulted in me having difficulty standing up for myself (in the real world!) as an adult and if I do, I get fairly emotional and defensive. Not a pretty sight.

I still feel that same fear all those years later when someone has a go at me. Granted I'm much better now I'm in my late twenties but it took a long time to get here on my own. I don't think those girls know the affect they had on me and I would love to know they're squirming with guilt when they think back on what they did back then. I wouldn't wish ill-health on them and I'd probably accept their apology now and perhaps they've grown up to be better people but even though they were young, they knew what they were doing. I wasn't a bully myself and I knew it was wrong. Perhaps they'd crap going on at home, I don't know. I still get an urge to confront them when I see them to ask them if they feel anything....

Anyway, this is not about me....

seamus

I personally believe that you don't require forgiveness to complete your atonement. If you really and truly feel badly about what you've done and you've made your apology directly to whomever suffered, then accepting that apology is their business and shouldn't have any bearing on whether or not your conscience is clear (though if you're truly sorry, your conscience will never be fully clear). If you've sincerely apologised and done what you can to "make it right" (if possible) but they choose to reject that, then that's their problem not yours.

You shouldn't have to apologise more than once where the apology is sincere.

You say you've tried to apologise to the guy and he's rejected that. So leave it be. You've done all you can.

Terodil

fasty wrote: »

There's not much I can do about that now, is there?

No, but then you can stop suggesting that you 'made up for it and then some'.

fasty wrote: »

I think you'll find that generally, studies on bullying show that kids who are bullied often become bullies themselves.

I like to think I turned out all right in the end.

Hold on a second, so you're saying that the kids who got bullied shouldn't complain (deserved it?) because some of them turned into bullies afterwards? ... that's twisted.

I'm glad you think you turned out alright. Go you. I wonder if your victims can say as much.

I'm not one to bear a grudge for long, usually, but I will never forget the pain and the anguish. I came out stronger because of it, but I also have quite a few scars to show. I'm not going to forgive them, ever.

joeduggan

Dean820 wrote: »

Just a thought - are you doing this for him or yourself?

I would agree with Fajitas! and say stay clear, it just seems like a bad idea. You're not a close friend or family.

it looks as if he is doin it for himself

joeduggan

yeah. karma. freaky sh!t . i dont feel sorry for ypu one bit , cos a fella just like you made my life hell for three years when i was a teenager,. and i will get him back one day. an eye for an eye , i say.

fasty

Terodil wrote: »

No, but then you can stop suggesting that you 'made up for it and then some'.


Hold on a second, so you're saying that the kids who got bullied shouldn't complain (deserved it?) because some of them turned into bullies afterwards? ... that's twisted.

I'm glad you think you turned out alright. Go you. I wonder if your victims can say as much.

I'm not one to bear a grudge for long, usually, but I will never forget the pain and the anguish. I came out stronger because of it, but I also have quite a few scars to show. I'm not going to forgive them, ever.

If you came out of it stronger, why does anything I say matter? I'm not saying there's anything okay about bullying but you can interpret my words incorrectly if you like! I'm hardly talking about me systematically bullying someone, I'm just talking about how sometimes kids can be cruel and upset other kids. I got a lot of abuse when I was younger and once in a while I took it out on someone else. I'm not proud of it, I've tried to make up for it, what else can I do? But way to jump to conclusions.

Danco

fasty wrote: »

I like to think I turned out all right in the end.

Personally I don't think "turning out all right in the end" absolves someone of what they've done in the past. If you or the OP are honest about it, you'll admit that you knew it was wrong at the time but you persisted with it. It's convenient to say that you're a better person now and sure bygones are bygones, but that's not how it is for victims of bullying particularly those who didn't go on to bully themselves.
It wouldn't stand up as an excuse for any other crime and I think it's just a little too easy a stance to take. It's good if bullies end up becoming better people, but they shouldn't use that as a get out clause for what they've done.

Terodil

fasty wrote: »

If you came out of it stronger, why does anything I say matter? I'm not saying there's anything okay about bullying but you can interpret my words incorrectly if you like!

Explain to me then, what that statement about bullied people turning into bullies was about? It made no sense to me.

Terodil

fasty wrote: »

I'm hardly talking about me systematically bullying someone, I'm just talking about how sometimes kids can be cruel and upset other kids. I got a lot of abuse when I was younger and once in a while I took it out on someone else. I'm not proud of it, I've tried to make up for it, what else can I do? But way to jump to conclusions.

Way to edit posts later

Well, if you choose the word bullying, and this thread is about bullying, and you argue with the theory that bullied turn into bullies, then I'm going to talk about bullying too and not about 'occasionally taking it out on somebody'. Make up your mind / be more careful with your wording then please.

fartmaster

scrubs wrote: »

rite not sure where to put this but here goes,

i've been away from home for a few years now and back when i was in secondary school i was very mean to this guy, he lives at home and i bump into him thw odd time when i home but dont talk much.. the last time we talked he explained how i made his life hell all them years ago, his brothers also know and dont like me because of it, but anway i was on the fone to one of the lads back home and they were saying he was in a bad accident at work and he was in critical condistion in hospital and they dont think he will live threw the night.. i feel so bad now i made this poor guy life hell and now this happens.. i was plan on going home thiw weekend anyway so i going to vist him please god he is till alive and apoligise for everything i have done.. i've tryed in the past to say sorry but it always ended in him goin for me.. so im not really lookin for advice just an outlet for my emotions i suppsoe..if you have read this thank you

Seems like your looking for cheering up because your conscience and things in your past have finally caught up with you. TBH we all do things in our youth that leave a stain later on in life for those with any morals but to come on here looking for cheering up after a guy you abused years ago now is on deaths doors is pointless, I DO HOPE YOU FEEL ROTTON AND MISERABLE FOR YEARS TO COME as what goes around comes around

fasty

Danco wrote: »

Personally I don't think "turning out all right in the end" absolves someone of what they've done in the past. If you or the OP are honest about it, you'll admit that you knew it was wrong at the time but you persisted with it. It's convenient to say that you're a better person now and sure bygones are bygones, but that's not how it is for victims of bullying particularly those who didn't go on to bully themselves.
It wouldn't stand up as an excuse for any other crime and I think it's just a little too easy a stance to take. It's good if bullies end up becoming better people, but they shouldn't use that as a get out clause for what they've done.

Sure, but what would you like me to do about it? That's your opinion and I've stated mine!

Terodil wrote: »

Explain to me then, what that statement about bullied people turning into bullies was about? It made no sense to me.

Nah, you'll just interpret it to suit your own point so I won't waste my time.

Terodil wrote: »

Way to edit posts later

Well, if you choose the word bullying, and this thread is about bullying, and you argue with the theory that bullied turn into bullies, then I'm going to talk about bullying too and not about 'occasionally taking it out on somebody'. Make up your mind / be more careful with your wording then please.

Jeeeesus, so I clarified a post. I'm not on trial here. Take your issues out on someone else please. I didn't bully you.

Wagon

If you walk into that hospital you'd probably be met with either a piece of advice on where the door is or a punch by either his friends or one of his family. Because if he has told you how you made his life **** (and for someone to tell you that years later, you must have been a real cúnt to him) and didn't accept an apology then, well he's hardly going to change his mind when he's lying on his hospital bed. I know i wouldn't. Because it really does seem like you are only doing it to ease your guilt.

so leave it and stay away. I don't think he would really want to see someone who made his life hell possibly in the last few hours of his life. Leave him be with his family and friends.

Danco

fasty wrote: »

Sure, but what would you like me to do about it? That's your opinion and I've stated mine!



Nah, you'll just interpret it to suit your own point so I won't waste my time.



Jeeeesus, so I clarified a post. I'm not on trial here. Take your issues out on someone else please. I didn't bully you.

Lazy answers all. If you're going to lay out your argument at least be bothered to answer people properly when they call you up on it. In answer to your question to me, what I would like you to do is maybe think again about the opinion you've adopted, because to me it sounds very much like that of a person who is trying to excuse away what they've done so they don't have to feel bad about it.

Silverfish

Guys, if you want to debate it, take it to pm.

If you have an issue with a post, report it.

Constructive and helpful advice to the OP please.

Thanks.