How often do you row

blondie7

this has probably been done to death before but im very curious as to how often other couples row? me and my OH have been constantly rowing the last few weeks and im taking full responsibility for them (im putting my constant snappiness down to hormones) now we make up pretty quick after and there over nothing (except one big one at the weekend)

Im pretty sure this is just a phase we will get over together, just curious if other couples have experienced the same??

Oh and mods appologies if this should be in the Relationship forum

LadyMayBelle

I guess it depends... we're both in college at the moment and had been going through a seriously stressful time and rows seemed to start from nothing. Communication, is, the key altho I'm learning that and have to keep reminding myself. Love him to bits tho, and always feel daft over silly rows, altho some can be more serious at times. Communication!

4zn76tysfajdxp

Simultanously, we wont make it to the Olympics if we're not in sync you know. :cool:

LightningBolt

I was about to say at the end of most gym sessions until I copped this was the LL and not the FF.

Ah Frada beat me to it! Well played!

Dragan

Never.

The Big Red Button

Rarely. Maybe four major rows the first year we were going out, only the occasional minor squabble in the four years since then.

I know that this might come under criticism from those people who insist you need tension and conflict and fights for a successful relationship, but I'm just not a confrontational person, and neither is my OH. We're both stubborn, but if we disagree over something we can nearly always agree to disagree, or else find a compromise.

I think the reason our squabbles don't develop into something bigger is because, if there's a disagreement, we settle it there and then and move on immediately, rather than staying quiet and resenting each other until it eventually blows up.

I very rarely if ever have big fights with my friends or family either and I'm still close to them, so I don't think that a certain amount of hostility is essential. But I know that some people need that to keep a bit of excitement in the relationship or whatever, and that's fair enough, it's just not what works for me.

magicianz

I never go rowing with my oh! Dont like the sport myself :pac:

believe it or not i have never rowed with my OH! We are both rly happy with our relationship...











Yup its been a good 4 days! :pac:

lizzyvera

About four times in two years.
We quibble a LOT about food and get extremely petty about it, to the point where I went through his pockets to check his receipts after he did the shopping once. He bought a whole packet of biscuits and didn't tell me or share them, so I felt justified in my paranoia.

I think my OH brings out the best and the worst in me, so I don't mind the odd quibble.

I have friends who just go out with people to fight with them it seems. I think it's very sad and unfulfilling. Constant on-off-on relationships must be emotionally draining.

SeekUp

chatterpillar wrote: »

I know that this might come under criticism from those people who insist you need tension and conflict and fights for a successful relationship, but I'm just not a confrontational person, and neither is my OH. We're both stubborn, but if we disagree over something we can nearly always agree to disagree, or else find a compromise.

. . .

I very rarely if ever have big fights with my friends or family either and I'm still close to them, so I don't think that a certain amount of hostility is essential. But I know that some people need that to keep a bit of excitement in the relationship or whatever, and that's fair enough, it's just not what works for me.

+5

Hardly ever fight; most of our disagreements aren't even worth the time or energy to fight about, because one of us gets over it quickly enough. Like you, chatterpillar, it's the same with my family and friends as well . . . I might get huffy about something, but most things just aren't worth fighting over - to me, anyway.

Stheno

lizzyvera wrote: »

We quibble a LOT about food and get extremely petty about it, to the point where I went through his pockets to check his receipts after he did the shopping once. He bought a whole packet of biscuits and didn't tell me or share them, so I felt justified in my paranoia.

I tend not to avoid rows, I'd rather talk something through calmly if possible.

It'd be fairly rare I'd have a row.

Ginny

Hardly ever with us too, sadly enough our worst "row" was me asking him to close the doors with the handles and not just push them. TBH its a refreshing feeling for me, in the past my exes were all about the drama and there were fights everyday, its draining and tiring and there's nothing that important to get overly upset about. Now I think myself and the OH are so laid back we just don't fight, things are sorted as we go along and they're just not made an issue of.
I have a horrible temper, but honestly when I get irritated about something, he just makes me laugh .

CathyMoran

When we were first dating we would, or rather I would row all the time, especially around my period I am ashamed to say...I think that he has only started a row 10 times in the 12 years since we started dating. Now we row rarely thankfully, maybe 3-4 times a year I guess. We have not had a single serious row since we got married thankfully - I hate rowing and would prefer to talk things through.

Malari

We were only talking about this recently. It used to be maybe one every 6 months for the first year or two. Now we see the tiny signs in behaviour that signal tiredness, hunger (in his case ) bad mood, etc that can trigger a huge argument if you don't back down. We have avoided having a fight for well over a year I'd say.

There's little things...annoyances.

"You're taking the car?"
"I told you yesterday I needed the car today"
"But I need the car today - you never told me!"
"I did! But, fine, take the car"
"Well, you must have known I wasn't paying attention! No, you take it" :rolleyes:

But nothing major.

Censorsh!t

We never fight
However, there are times when I get pissed off at him, but it never turns into an argument as such

John Mason

Never - well, not so far anyway

Khannie

A proper humdinger....maybe once every two years.

Little disagreement type thing....maybe once a month. Probably less if I really sat down and counted.

I don't think it's possible to live with someone medium to long term without little things starting to grind on you a bit (you know....leaving the toilet seat up or the lid off the toothpaste or whatever....and no, I do not leave the toilet seat up ). Also, life's crappy sometimes and you're more likely to have an argument when you're peed off for some other reason (at least I am).

I'm amazed all all this "never" business. WTF like?

justsomebloke

Ginny wrote: »

Hardly ever with us too, sadly enough our worst "row" was me asking him to close the doors with the handles and not just push them.

*cough* ye asking is what you did :D

d'Oracle

Constantly.
And hardly ever.

Depends on your point of view.

Its no biggie.
At least I don't think it is.

red_ice

we'd never row if she'd just admit she was wrong

Malari

Khannie wrote: »

I'm amazed all all this "never" business. WTF like?

Because some people's massive fight is another couple's heated discussion.

Khannie

Malari wrote: »

Because some people's massive fight is another couple's heated discussion.

Ah yes. That makes perfect sense. I suppose what constitutes a row is completely subjective.

Ginny

Joe the Santa wrote: »

*cough* ye asking is what you did :D

Well now I'd asked nicely repeatedly, day in day out, eventually a person will snap...:p

Rayven199

I rarely have rows with my OH, the odd little tiff but thats about it, we have never had one of those rows where we might stop talking or that kind of thing, usually its a little disagreement which we forget about a few minutes later.
We both hate drama so try to keep the communication good and usually are on the same page!

thedizzler

I would say we have a disagreement maybe once a month, doesn't really last more than 10 minutes, I tell him what's not on, he accepts it. We've only ever had one fight, as in neither of us accepted we were wrong when told. That was maybe a few hours. But honestly, like other posters, though I'm stubborn as a mule, I really hate fights or confrontation of any kind, I think he's the same.

BlackandGold

thedizzler wrote: »

I would say we have a disagreement maybe once a month, doesn't really last more than 10 minutes, I tell him what's not on, he accepts it. We've only ever had one fight, as in neither of us accepted we were wrong when told. That was maybe a few hours. But honestly, like other posters, though I'm stubborn as a mule, I really hate fights or confrontation of any kind, I think he's the same.

Love that! Should be every male and females mantra! "She tells me what's not on, I accept it"!!!!

Khannie

BlackandGold wrote: »

I'm shocked at all these answers - when me and my bf were rowing we always agreed after "Suppose every relationship has these little tiffs!" Boy were we wrong?!

I don't think so tbh. I consider the occasional blow up an inevitablity AND healthy!

Malari

Khannie wrote: »

I don't think so tbh. I consider the occasional blow up an inevitablity AND healthy!

If the alternative is a build up of resentment then definitely you have to get things off your chest now and again. And sometimes that can lead to an argument, but if you say nothing for ages then suddenly explode the consequences would be far greater I imagine! :eek:

fatmammycat

We never row either, if we do disagree on something we just agree to disagree or one or the other of us will drop it.
However with my ex boyfriend all those MANY years ago we'd fight like tinkers at the drop of a hat. But he was a bloody idiot and I was a bloody idiot and you've never seen two people more unsuited. Praise be for growing up a bit and realising life is too short to waste it fighting over nothing.

SeekUp

Khannie wrote: »

I don't think it's possible to live with someone medium to long term without little things starting to grind on you a bit (you know....leaving the toilet seat up or the lid off the toothpaste or whatever....and no, I do not leave the toilet seat up ).

Oh, absolutely. But after living together for a while, I've come to realize that there are things that bother me (and I'm sure vice versa!) that I know aren't going to change, so why fight about it?

BlackandGold wrote: »

I'm amazed at people who never argue though. Must be real love/fitting together if you just never get on each others nerves etc!

There are things he does that get on my nerves. A LOT. And again, I'm sure he could say the same about me. But 9 times of of 10, the things that bother each other are overlooked -- or I just roll my eyes and get over it, or leave the room, or I say, "Why don't you clean up the corn flakes that have spilled all over the counter/floor/stove?!?" . . .

To me, it's usually just not worth the effort to fight about the little annoying things.

Khannie

SeekUp wrote: »

To me, it's usually just not worth the effort to fight about the little annoying things.

He has trained you well. :pac:





/me runs

SeekUp

You'd better run!!

*shakes fist*

Whispered

What is considered a row? My first thought on reading the title was "oh every second day :rolleyes:" But then reading though the thread, a lot of people say that they never row but have little disagreements isn't it the same thing?

EDIT: BTW the rolleyes is at us rowing, not the thread title.

John Mason

my only thing my oh does that annoys me is putting the ironing board back up side down, and the is no point in arguing about that, i just accept it.


we are grown ups, if something annoys us we just say it. no need for petty arguments, tiffs, little disagreements and qibbles

SeekUp

Nah, to me a proper row would be expressing anger, shouting, etc. ("Why are you always taking your mother's side over mine?!?? You never respect me! You never have!!")

A little disagreement is more annoyance and exasperation ("FFS, would you just stop feeding the dog butter?")

Whispered

SeekUp wrote: »

Nah, to me a proper row would be expressing anger, shouting, etc. ("Why are you always taking your mother's side over mine?!?? You never respect me! You never have!!")

A little disagreement is more annoyance and exasperation ("FFS, would you just stop feeding the dog butter?")

Ah thats ok then, I was getting very worried there for a min.

Shortly after we got together I went through a really bad time and was starting rows for no reason. I was so horrible. Thankfully he stuck with me and got me through the worst time of my life. But yes, then we (or rather I) would have rowed a lot.

Now hardly ever, funnily enough seekup, the last annoyance I mentioned was him giving the dog the 3/4 empty butter dish.

Weidii

Never. If you talk about something on time it shouldn't have to escalate into a row.

SeekUp

helena.ryan wrote: »

Now hardly ever, funnily enough seekup, the last annoyance I mentioned was him giving the dog the 3/4 empty butter dish.

Eeeeeeeeeeeewwwwww!!! :P

(My OH's parent's dog used to steal the butter dish from the countertop!)

tinyfox

SeekUp wrote: »

Nah, to me a proper row would be expressing anger, shouting, etc. ("Why are you always taking your mother's side over mine?!?? You never respect me! You never have!!")

A little disagreement is more annoyance and exasperation ("FFS, would you just stop feeding the dog butter?")

Thank you for the clarification, before reading this I would have thought we we're the worst couple in the world :rolleyes:

Major rows would be maybe 4/5 in 4 years but little tiffs..........now thats a whole different thread

The Sweeper

We disagree: reasonably regularly.

We row where we shout: maybe once or twice a year.

We row where we call names and say untrue things to score points off each other: precisely never.

Faith

I think I shouted at him for the first time yesterday, then again this afternoon. I'm clearly very hormonal. I do tend to get annoyed at him fairly regularly, and go cold-ish until I get over it, but they're not rows. In the past 13 months, I can recall maybe 5 big rows - that is, rows over real issues where feelings were hurt and voices may have been raised.

Alessandra

oh, wrong row./leaves thread

watna

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

We disagree: reasonably regularly.

We row where we shout: maybe once or twice a year.

We row where we call names and say untrue things to score points off each other: precisely never.

This. Exactly.

Our disagreements involve me telling him put his clothes in the wash basket and he tells me off for closing the door so the cat can't get out.

We did have a more serious disagreement last night. I was so tired because I'm swamped at work so decided to go asleep in the middle of it because I didn't have the energy to discuss it. Woke up this morning to my bf saying sorry and we sorted it out. That's about as serious as we get!

Maddison

Myself & the OH are also known as Jack & Vera, cant live with him, cant live without him kinda thing. Both of us are quite feisty, rather than argue now I just jump in the car & go off elsewhere to relieve my aggression.

confusticated

We don't really row but sometimes I wish we did. He doesn't get annoyed by things ever really. Maybe once or twice in three years. I do though, and I feel like a right bitch if I'm giving out about things when he never does, so sometimes I'd like it if he fought back a little...having said that, I couldn't deal with the drama of constant fights and reconciliations. Don't see the point in it really.

gowayouttadat

Very, very rarely these days. We're together 8 years now. At the start we never fought at all. I think we were together a year before we had our first disagreement. Then when we moved in together we fought a good bit at the start. All stupid stuff that barely lasted five minutes and mostly me starting it. It took me a while to get used to the fact that he was constantly trying to wind me up. The fights would never last long though.
Lately we barely fight at all. I think we've both gotten used to each other and know how to deal with disagreements in a better way than we used to. I actually can't remember the last time we have a big fight. Making up is always good though

SeekUp

gowayouttadat wrote: »

Then when we moved in together we fought a good bit at the start. All stupid stuff that barely lasted five minutes and mostly me starting it. It took me a while to get used to the fact that he was constantly trying to wind me up.

This is it exactly! We fought more during the first month or so after we moved in together than we had ever fought before, or since then.

gowayouttadat

SeekUp wrote: »

This is it exactly! We fought more during the first month or so after we moved in together than we had ever fought before, or since then.

Yup! I think it definitely takes a while to get used to spending so much time so close to each other. When I think of the things that I used to get wound up over and the fecker was doing it on purpose most of the time. I'd just rise to absolutely everything whereas now I know he's just trying to get a rise out of me.

Have to say I prefer this stage