Girly girl

LegacyUser

I have been going out with my girlfriend now for over a year. We get on great and I do love her.

However, this is the situation with regards to one issue.

When my girlfriend is just say hanging out or going for a walk - she wears clothes that I dont think is nice, dont match, for example navy with black - no colour co-ordination and tends to dress differently form other girls her age. Sometimes when we would be driving through town and see other girls her age, I would just say to her, that girl is wearing say bright coloured clothes.

Then just say on a night on - there is no problem with her clothes most of the time, If you read one of her fashion magazines or watch a tv programme about womans fashion - they alway say dress to - make the most of your best features and distract from your negative. She understand this - has loads of lovely clothes for socialing in, but could still show up and have done the opposite. I would still tell her she looked lovely.

Also, she wont wear high heel or stilettos, everything has to be more or less flat shoes. There is a foot in the difference in height between us with me been 6'3". She just makes excuses why not to wear them.

I just think it would be nice if she dressed better in casual clothes and somtimes on a night out just wear heels.

She is only 26 years of age, other girls her age on a night out are all wearing heels. Most girls seem to wear on a night out this time of the year a dress no matter what the weather is doing. Be more of a girly girl.

I am no expert on fashion, but I do have eyes and can see what other people are wearing and have an opinion on what i like.

Ok, it may be said - how do I dress myself and my girlfriend, family or friends have any issues with my dress sense.

I would be grateful for other peoples view on this.

CDfm

You should wear what you are comfortable in. My GF will often comment on what I wear so thats not unusual coming in the other direction and I am into clothes so its just banter.I have no problem telling her which jeans I like the best on her;)

I love it when she wears heels even though she towers over me. Some people cant walk in heels which is why they dont wear them.

Its not a big thing to discuss clothes and your likes and what clashes etc.Start with asking her about your clothes and what you are wearing going out and ask her what she is wearing etc.

Big_Mac

I disagree CDfm. Its possible she wears what she wears casually because she feels comfortable in them, much like someone would consider wearing a uniform to school (she dresses up going out) and doesn't have to when she gets home

If you love her as you say you do op, then it shouldn't matter if she wears a couple of black bags. Why are you obsessing over color co-ordination and high heels? Why do you want her to dress up like the masses of women who look like tarts these days?

Personally, i have no fashion sense and I just wear things that aren't garish or loud. My missus will suggest things to wear, but that's good with me, simply because I'm clueless myself. However, if someone does have fashion sense, which your oh does, then she should be entitled to wear whatever she wants without scorn from anyone

Do you want her to dress like you want her to without regard for her feelings? Next thing she'll be behaving in a way you want and not her own way and before you know it you'll be going out with you're idea of a partner, and not with someone who is their own person

LegacyUser

My boyfriend of one year told me he didn't like the way I was dressing, which by the way was the same way I dressed before we started dating! He is now no longer my boyfriend...

Once your girlfriend isn't a complete slob I don't see why it should matter what she wears. You have no right to tell her how to dress. If you don't like the way she dresses maybe you should take her shopping and maybe pick out some outfits you do like for her.


I don't like what my boyfriend wears ALL the time and I'm sure he feels the same. Just like I'm sure she thinks some of your clothes don't look great either.

Nevyn

She is person not a clothes horse.
some poeple just are not into clothes or main stream fashion and prefer function over style and some people just do not like 'bright' colours.

OP if you are so obsessed with fashion I suggest you go work in the industry and stop taking it out on your girlfriend. She's not a mannequin or a doll for you to dress up. And if you're so obsessed with "other girls her age" and staring at them all the time, why don't you leave her and go with one of them instead.

herya

Unregistered wrote: »

tends to dress differently form other girls her age.

In most cases this should be a compliment. If you want a gf who blends into the mass you have loads to choose from.

Unregistered wrote: »

If you read one of her fashion magazines or watch a tv programme about womans fashion - they alway say dress to - make the most of your best features and distract from your negative.

You seem to spend a lot of time on fashion for a guy. Not that it's a bad thing. Navy with black is nothing wrong btw.

Re: heels, I personally like them but I won't wear them if there is any longer walking or standing involved. It's suicide for your spine and lower back and most heels are not designed for comfortable walking/standing just to look pretty. Most girls just walk on their knees bent, not a nice sight. If she has a comfortable enough pair try to take her out where she can show them off mostly sitting and see what she says.

LegacyUser

hey,

im a 24 yr old girl and never wear high heels going out. i also dont wear make up or have my ears pierced my boyfriend has no issues with it because he knows its not really my thing...when he met me, he liked the fact that im pretty natural and dont need to go overboard to look nice. he likes being the only guy out of his friends who doesnt have to give his girlfriend a piggy back home after a night out cos her high heels have killed her feet

if a girl like this isnt something you're particularly into then what attracted you to her in the first place? i know for a fact that a guy who likes girls in fancy dresses and heels would not go near me if we were in a pub

if she doesnt like high heels then maybe suggest to her flat boots? thats how i get away with it as i can still wear skirts and the boots look really cute with it! theres still ways to be fashionable without wearing high heels.. I think you should be glad shes individual and not one of the other clones around the city on a night out

benj

i think she may never change (pardon the pun),
people either have great dress sense or they don't,

CDfm

bluewolf wrote: »

OP if you are so obsessed with fashion I suggest you go work in the industry and stop taking it out on your girlfriend. She's not a mannequin or a doll for you to dress up. And if you're so obsessed with "other girls her age" and staring at them all the time, why don't you leave her and go with one of them instead.

A bit harsh. When we go out I often check with my OH that what I wear matches etc.

I do get OPs point on the heels because of his height and I will often ponder on what shirt tie goes better with a suit. So I dont imagine in the opposite direction it should matter but so long as you dont go overboard.

The other thing is I have a friend who is colourblind to some extent and he has come up with some great combinations. His wife lays out his clothes when they are going anywhere. Im jealous.

Agent J

One thing i notice from what and how you are saying things.

Its not nesscarily that you think she'd look better. Its that you think that everyone else would think she'd look better by conforming to the perception of a stereotype.

There is one thing about suggesting someone try something new and other about changing they dress entirely.

Your choices are either to talk to her or accept it.
If you talk to her the words "handle with extreme care" come to mind and you have to accept she may turn around and say "Im happy with how i dress"( Of course that is the nicest possibly outcome, she may take major offense especially if you phrase it as you have here).

Personally. If it was me.. to borrow a phrase
"If i could care less... I would"

herya

Agent J wrote: »

Its not nesscarily that you think she'd look better. Its that you think that everyone else would think she'd look better by conforming to the perception of a stereotype.

Exactly. The OP is not comparing her to her potential better self, he is comparing her to the anonymous hoard of others and wants her to blend in.

Tar.Aldarion

My ex girlfriend never rarely wore heels, make up and had no piercings. I liked this. I may not like what she wore all the time, but I liked her. You should like the girl for her individuality, not what you want her to wear, she is not a doll and you are lucky to have this girl. If you want a doll girl, go find one. Have a good day.

LegacyUser

I am a bit like your girlfriend - well not so much on the colour ordination and i do dress differently from other girls my age i always have. And it is starting to bug my boyfriend.
I work with youths so dressing up in a nice pair of jeans and a nice stylish top is just not appropriate - i need comfort cause i am constantly active and running about the place.
I do wear heels going out tho i love them - for the first two or three hours anyway. Now as for the dresses - my boyfriend is hell bent in getting me into one of the babydoll dresses or what ever there called - no straps and stop above the knee? them ones - i hate them - with a passion. i wear dresses with straps because i hate my shoulders number one and number two i have three lumps on my back - which are getting removed monday - but i hate them - i also have big hip in my opinion and those dresses make me look like the back of a bus but theres no talking to him!! i always wear dresses to below the knee or at the knee which he hate but im comfortable in them.
He took me shopping a while back and got me a pair of jeans and some tops as a present - i felt like i was a doll been dressed up. But i kept my mouth shut and went along with it because i do love hima nd want him to be happy. Now Galway races are approaching and im running out of excuses because i know he wants me to be all dressed up and i just cant do it. i dont have the confidence or the body to do it.
If your girlfriend is comfortable the way she is and happy with herself i think that should be more important to ye than anything else.

Otis Driftwood

I welcome any girl with an individual sense of style.It proves she is a free thinker and doesent feel the need to conform to what she is supposed to wear with the rest of the sheep.

CathyMoran

Maybe she is not right for you - if you like "girly girls" and she is not one then why are you dating her? Personally I would hate to be a slave to fashion, I would always describe myself as quirky and have never worn high heels or much make up, from the sounds of your girlfriend I imagine that there are a queue of men after her.

CDfm

Do I detect a double standard?If a guy dresses like a slob he probably wont get in to a lot of venues. Like it or not there are certain conventions depending on where you go.

Call it conforming or fitting in-but if you go somewhere as someones guest you should at least make an effort. If I go to a wedding I wear a suit etc and not jeans etc.

I do think if gf dresses like a bit of a slob it could be a bit embarrassing in certain social situations or places. In my experience you are less likely to bring someone somewhere where their mode of dress is inappropriate.So you can be an individual or alternative but you should do that in places where thats acceptable.

CathyMoran

May be I am reading this wrong and sorry if I am but I do not think that the OP said that his girlfriend dressed like a slob? Being different is not a problem but I agree that dressing down all the time would be.

LegacyUser

I don't think it should matter to you. I would prefer a girl if she doesn't care so much what she wears, then you don't have to wait three hours to go out somewhere

CDfm

CathyMoran wrote: »

Being different is not a problem but I agree that dressing down all the time would be.

OP is that the issue that your gf is dressing down all the time?

thefeatheredcat

OP,

tbh it sounds you're more worried about other people's opinion would be of the two of you together and it sounds a wee bit like you're ever so slightly embarrassed with your gf's style.

There's no harm in wanting your OH to look nice for you, and maybe she doesn't really know what kind of clothes or isn't bothered by the fashion world. Some people may need a few pointers.

I have had friends in the past that are real girlie girls and those that followed fashion (translation, did what the fashion mag told them and spent the x amount required for tack that I could have sewn together myself) personally I thought looked rather ick with caked orange makeup and rather tacky looking labelled apparel. And no, they never had opinions of their own and did what everyone else told them to and what was expected of them. (And that's not a sweeping generalisation of girlie girls, just the ones I knew).

High heels.... each to their own. Ask anyone woman on a night out how their feet are and predictably you are quite likely to have the reply of 'bloody sore'.
they look nice but they're designed to look nice but are in a reality completely impractable and painful but are a very useful weapon. And are incredibaly sexy in the bedroom.

If you're really worried about it approach her with caution on this issue.....

Respect her for the individual that she is and if you can't get past her unique style, perhaps you are better off going for one of those other girls you keep eyeing.

But if chosing the latter, be prepared to carry the high heels and the girl home.

How about you dress up in all the clothes you see other woman wearing and see if you're comfortable and try walking in high heels?

And imo, if I were her reading this, I would tell ya to take a hike. I have more respect for myself and respect the fact that I when I open my mouth I don't say 'baaaaaaa'

Aseth

CDfm wrote: »

Call it conforming or fitting in-but if you go somewhere as someones guest you should at least make an effort. If I go to a wedding I wear a suit etc and not jeans etc.

There's a big difference between dressing down and dressing inappropriately.
OP which one is the case?

As for me you wouldn't catch me wearing heals of any kind and I don't like dresses/skirts. Not every girl is 'girly girl' as you put it. And it's nothing you can't live without. Also are you sure OP that you have such a great taste when it comes to clothes? Fashion can be a very tricky subject.
Your gf probably wears what she feels comfortable in especially if she has to follow strict dress code at work. And if it is such a big issue for you maybe you're dating wrong girl? Go for a model or a 'girly girl' instead.

wasper

Unregistered wrote: »

I have been going out with my girlfriend now for over a year. We get on great and I do love her.

However, this is the situation with regards to one issue.

When my girlfriend is just say hanging out or going for a walk - she wears clothes that I dont think is nice, dont match, for example navy with black - no colour co-ordination and tends to dress differently form other girls her age. Sometimes when we would be driving through town and see other girls her age, I would just say to her, that girl is wearing say bright coloured clothes.

Then just say on a night on - there is no problem with her clothes most of the time, If you read one of her fashion magazines or watch a tv programme about womans fashion - they alway say dress to - make the most of your best features and distract from your negative. She understand this - has loads of lovely clothes for socialing in, but could still show up and have done the opposite. I would still tell her she looked lovely.

Also, she wont wear high heel or stilettos, everything has to be more or less flat shoes. There is a foot in the difference in height between us with me been 6'3". She just makes excuses why not to wear them.

I just think it would be nice if she dressed better in casual clothes and somtimes on a night out just wear heels.

She is only 26 years of age, other girls her age on a night out are all wearing heels. Most girls seem to wear on a night out this time of the year a dress no matter what the weather is doing. Be more of a girly girl.

I am no expert on fashion, but I do have eyes and can see what other people are wearing and have an opinion on what i like.

Ok, it may be said - how do I dress myself and my girlfriend, family or friends have any issues with my dress sense.

I would be grateful for other peoples view on this.

Why can't you just enjoy her company & don't create problems where there aren't. If you are happy with her personality & enjoy her company, leave it at that & don't try to re engineer her looks.

CDfm

wasper wrote: »

Why can't you just enjoy her company & don't create problems where there aren't. If you are happy with her personality & enjoy her company, leave it at that & don't try to re engineer her looks.

In fairness he says

I just think it would be nice if she dressed better in casual clothes and somtimes on a night out just wear heels.

The OP seems to be embarrased by her but doesnt say it straight out.

Miss Fluff

I feel very sorry for the OP here and I think people are being hard on him. It is a very sensitive subject and I could see how it could drive him around the twist.

A friend of mine has the most appalling dress sense ever. I mean horrific. When aranging to meet her one would never know what she could turn up in and she has a penchant for buying things in sales at knock-down prices and to my mind they are at such knock-down prices because no other human being would be seen dead in them. It's a shame, she is an attractive girl but makes no effort whatsoever and has no pride in her appearance.

If you have a sister who dresses stylishly, why don't you offer to treat your GF to a dress/outfit from Coast or some other upmarket shop and ask another girl to help her. And then a makeover in MAC in BTs followed by a meal in town. I often think people who dress like they are homeless only do so because they haven't seen how good they actually look in clothes that SUIT them. (By that I mean don't try and force the poor girl into wearing a certain "style" of outfit if it doesn't suit her shape or figure).

I feel your pain OP, it's obvious you only want what's best for her.

But I didn't get the impression she dresses like she's homeless. He said she doesn't wear heels or dress up much. Sorry but it really annoys me when guys expect girls to wear heels. They are SO uncomfortable. Any time I wear them (when I really have to), I've blisters, cuts and bruises for weeks after. It just isn't worth it. Flats might not look so glamorous, but being in agony ruins my night, so my BF just has to accept that! Not all girls are into dressing up to the nines with loads of make-up, etc, so I think it's a bit unfair to expect her to change and wear stuff she isn't comfortable in.

dearg lady

I agree with Izzy, it annoys me when lads 'expect' their girlf to look a certain way. It's really about personal choice. An ex of mine liked the very generic fake tanned, overly made up, up to the minute fashiony type girls, and because I was so aware of this it made me feel somehow not good enough, it was really upsetting. My style is much more casual and personal and it's not for everyone!
Most of the other boyfriends I've had liked that I'm quite individual, rarely wear make up, and amn't whinging at the end of a night out cos my feet hurt!!

LegacyUser

I am the OP and Miss Fluff is just after simply summing up what I was trying to say. Thank you.

CDfm

Good for you OP.

herya

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you have a sister who dresses stylishly, why don't you offer to treat your GF to a dress/outfit from Coast or some other upmarket shop and ask another girl to help her. And then a makeover in MAC in BTs followed by a meal in town.

Yeah OP, a dress from Coast, MAC makeover - just add fake tan, GHD and D4 accent elocution classes and you won't be able to tell your girlfriend form the whole luasload of others.

If this is what you're looking for why not get such a girlfriend in first place instead of wasting time on "fixing" your current one?

sunnyside

Miss Fluff wrote: »

If you have a sister who dresses stylishly, why don't you offer to treat your GF to a dress/outfit from Coast or some other upmarket shop and ask another girl to help her. And then a makeover in MAC in BTs followed by a meal in town. I often think people who dress like they are homeless only do so because they haven't seen how good they actually look in clothes that SUIT them. (By that I mean don't try and force the poor girl into wearing a certain "style" of outfit if it doesn't suit her shape or figure).

I feel your pain OP, it's obvious you only want what's best for her.

I'm an expert at that nice dress and heels girly look but I'd advise caution with Miss Fluff's suggestion. Dresses from Coast and make up from MAC cost a lot. If someone brings this girl for a makeover and chooses her a nice bright dress from Coast she can't wear that same dress every week so she'll feel pressured to buy more of the same which she possibly has no interest in, it will cost a fortune and make her miserable.

Most of those girly types love shopping, spend days off walking around clothes shops, enjoy doing make-up, are happy to spend hours at the hairdressers getting expensive hi-lites, they watch XPOSE. Please don't try inflicting that on somebody who has no interest.

CDfm

sunnyside wrote: »

Most of those girly types love shopping, spend days off walking around clothes shops, enjoy doing make-up, are happy to spend hours at the hairdressers getting expensive hi-lites, they watch XPOSE. Please don't try inflicting that on somebody who has no interest.

The Outlet Shops in Kildare or in Banbridge are great fun.

I shop with my girlfriend and we enjoy it. So theres nothing wrong with couples doing the shopping and clothes thing.

sunnyside

Of course not but some girls just don't enjoy shopping trips, trying on shoes, etc and trips like that are exhausting and stressful for people who have no interest.

Contessa Raven

Your GF has the right to dress how she pleases. If she feels comfortable then what's the issue? My boyfriend and I have completely different styles (his being casual and comfy, mine being Gothic) and we don't necessarily like what the other deems "fashionable". It seems to me that you want her to dress a certain way so that she'll make you look better.

Now, if she was dressing 'inappropriately' i.e. wearing a dirty pair of pyjamas on a night out then I think you'd be justified in wanting her to dress differently. I think that maybe this is just what she likes. She's quirky, so what?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

there is no problem with her clothes most of the time

then give the girl a break.

you sound like you are embarrassed to walk down the street with her. do her a favour and and leave her to let her meet some guy who actually cares for her as as she is.
you'll just make her unhappy in the long run, and yourself.

LegacyUser

What about originality OP ?

I hate the girly girl 'done up' look: hair extensions, fake tan, fake nails, high heels, little dresses, loads of tacky high street jewellery! Everyone looks like clones. Plus I associate wearing overtly try hard clothes like that with being weak and desperate for approval from men.

I think nothing looks better than a sexy pair of jeans with a simple top. If a woman is really beautiful and feminine she doesn't need to totter about in injurous heels getting bunions and deformed toes. Plaster herself with make up ruining her skin and dye and 'ghd' her hair till it resembles crispy straw.

Good skin needs nothing but a touch of lip gloss and maybe a bit of mascara. Wearing a mask will age the skin.

Natural beauty lasts longer and does not destroy your looks. I am not a girly girl AT ALL, I dont like dresses and skirts. I will wear them for my boyfriend indoors but I wont wear them out because I feel ridiculous, like a clown. Why dont your ask your girlfriend to dress up for you at home, that way you can enjoy the look and she doesn't have to embarass herself in public.

Katgurl

I'm mad into clothes / dressing-up, I get a real kick out of it. But some people really don't and have no confidence in putting things together, particularly an outfit that might attract attention.

I don't really condone trying to change a partner but if this is JUST about clothes, i'll make an exception as I have no problem with girls 'redressing' their boyfriends so why shouldn't it be allowed the other way around?

You have a few options; you could either get over this / ask a female friend to subtly give her a hand / suggest some looks you think would look amazing on her (and big up the compliments) / as a present book her some time with a stylist or personal shopper.

As a previous poster said, above all, tread carefully, you don't want to hurt her feelings.

LegacyUser

Again I am the original poster.

Look, I am not ashamed of my girlfriend, I love her no matter what. Ok, from reading all the peoples posts so far, I admit I am in the wrong.

My girlfriend is just as beautiful if not more than some of these girly girls. But it is always these girls that get the attention. My girlfriend does not do fake tan, etc the fake look, one of the reason I perfer her over these girly girls.

Its just my opinion when she is just hanging out - she has no dress sense and on a night out once in a while just do something different, dress to make the most of her features.

Oh, just to mentioned, she did tell me once that when she was younger - she was very much a tomboy - so I think this is the reason for her dress sense.

Her sister and herself socialise a lot together, but they are like chalk and cheese. Her sister is the girly girl, fake tan, dyed blonde hair. But my girlfriend has a lot nicer personality, better looking etc, however her sister gets all the attention - however is single and older.

A friend of mine that was abroad and only met my girlfriend recently on a night out. Before I introduced him, my girlfriend was standing next to her sister. Us across the bar, I said to him well which one is my girlfriend - ok he guessed correctly, but his commet was who is the babe with her.

So I hope that you understand my point.

Dardania

Unregistered wrote: »

A friend of mine that was abroad and only met my girlfriend recently on a night out. Before I introduced him, my girlfriend was standing next to her sister. Us across the bar, I said to him well which one is my girlfriend - ok he guessed correctly, but his commet was who is the babe with her.

So I hope that you understand my point.

you need a babe for validation?

LegacyUser

I am finally beginning to realise that for a girl you can be dog ugly but as long as you show a lot of leg, cleavage, you will be called a babe. However if you dress someway different, it does not matter how beautiful you are, you simply will not get the same attention.

So this question to people - girls and boys.

Does a woman in a dress that shows cleavage and leg and wearing stilettos get more attention that a woman in jeans and top?

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

Again I am the original poster.

Look, I am not ashamed of my girlfriend, I love her no matter what. Ok, from reading all the peoples posts so far, I admit I am in the wrong.

My girlfriend is just as beautiful if not more than some of these girly girls. But it is always these girls that get the attention. My girlfriend does not do fake tan, etc the fake look, one of the reason I perfer her over these girly girls.

Its just my opinion when she is just hanging out - she has no dress sense and on a night out once in a while just do something different, dress to make the most of her features.

Oh, just to mentioned, she did tell me once that when she was younger - she was very much a tomboy - so I think this is the reason for her dress sense.

Her sister and herself socialise a lot together, but they are like chalk and cheese. Her sister is the girly girl, fake tan, dyed blonde hair. But my girlfriend has a lot nicer personality, better looking etc, however her sister gets all the attention - however is single and older.

A friend of mine that was abroad and only met my girlfriend recently on a night out. Before I introduced him, my girlfriend was standing next to her sister. Us across the bar, I said to him well which one is my girlfriend - ok he guessed correctly, but his commet was who is the babe with her.

So I hope that you understand my point.

Why does any of this matter to you? Why do you care that other girls get more attention than she does? Surely to god you don't want men slobbering all over your gf?

I think you're annoyed that your gf is not perceived by others as a "babe". And that's just really shallow, OP. You love her for her, not for what others think of her. End of story.

LegacyUser

OP, your last post is extremely shallow. I'm sure you didn't mean to be callous, but I feel dreadful for your poor girlfriend. She sounds like a lovely-looking girl, and you want her to look like a WAG clone so other guys can perve on her and make you feel like a big man. I absolutely LOVE wearing heels, fake tan, have been known to have a few extensions in and put on fake nails, but I also wear jeans and tops and minimal make up sometimes, and I feel good about myself either way. If you convince this girl to dress in a way she doesn't want to, she'll feel awkward when she's all dolled up and inadequate when she's in her normal hanging-out clothes. Why would you want her to be anything other than confident in herself? Maybe if you suspected that she hated the way she looked or didn't have enough cash for a couple of nice dresses she really wanted, I'd think you were a considerate boyfriend. But it's ALL about you. There's NOTHING wrong with a pretty girl wanting to doll herself up for a night out and feel glamorous, but there is if it's because her boyfriend is trying to subtly control her for the sake of his ego.

Oh The Humanity

You should be proud of your Tomboy girlfriend. Each to their own but the whole girly girl thing is painful, try hanging around with one for an afternoon, it will just be appearance talk and nothing else. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ !!!

She is better than that. Dresses and all that just aren't for some women. Putting on a dress means you are trying to look nice....seeking approval from the outside world....your girlfriend obviously is strong minded enough to wear what she wants and not need validation from outside sources.

You should applaud that.

CDfm

sunnyside wrote: »

Of course not but some girls just don't enjoy shopping trips, trying on shoes, etc and trips like that are exhausting and stressful for people who have no interest.

I just posted about the outlets because someone mentioned expensive shopping whereas you can for a day out too and grab a bargain.

I imagine OPs problem is that he is a bit shy to say stuff about clothes when its no big deal really as long as you dont go overboard on it. Whereas I am into the whole thing so its easy.

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

I am finally beginning to realise that for a girl you can be dog ugly but as long as you show a lot of leg, cleavage, you will be called a babe. However if you dress someway different, it does not matter how beautiful you are, you simply will not get the same attention.

So this question to people - girls and boys.

Does a woman in a dress that shows cleavage and leg and wearing stilettos get more attention that a woman in jeans and top?

Yep, this seems to be the case but honestly, the types of lads who consider these types of girls to be "babes" are not the kinds of lads I'd go for anyway so no harm done.

Myself (looking pretty good if I may say so myself) and my (very good-looking but alternatively dressed) friend were walking towards a pub with a couple of bouncers outside the other day and there was a girl with the typical bleached-blonde, GHDed, high-heeled, breasts out, short skirted etc. look walking by them.

I'm not bad-mouthing the girl, I could see how men would find her attractive and she probably really was (behind inches of make-up and fake tan it was hard to tell) but she looked like hundreds of other girls you see tottering round the city on a Saturday night. They immediately rated her out of 10 when she was still within ear shot and stared at her backside as she walked down the street completely ignoring myself (did I tell you I was looking pretty good that night?) and my VERY good-looking but more conservatively covered up friend as we walked by. I breathed a sigh of relief that both of us were dressed in a way that demanded a bit respect from men instead of getting rated out of 10 like we were at a Crufts. This is not the girl's fault...she ws dressed to get THAT kind of attention and she got it. Job done but that's not for every girl.

I pride myself on looking natural and dressing a little bit kooky ...I wear some make-up, wear heels on ocassion (only if I know I won't be doing too much moving around....they really are a killer), never wear fake-tan and the types of men that I attract have always liked that about me and the fact that they didn't wake up with a different woman lying beside them the next morning. I've always been pleased that I've "pulled" men purely on me being totally myself, inside and out and if a man doesn't appreciate this, then what's the point?

You sound like you want your girlfriend to dress like this, OP...like your stereotypical babe and a lot of men would but your superficiality really is your issue and not hers. You have ideas on how she SHOULD dress but you really can't expect her to conform. She's her own woman and really, how someone dresses is such a small issue on the grand scheme of things. It's for you to deal with this if you want to and choose to accept how she is. I understand you wanting her to look nice but as others have said, do you really want her to look like these overly made-up women you see floating about? Fair enough if you do but I certainly wouldn't stick with a man who found that attractive because it's soooo far from who I am or ever will be. I could never be that and be myself.

However...you are being honest and fair play to you but I know myself with terribly dressed boyfriends in the past...it was never a major problem for me if I loved them, particularly when they got into their birthday suit

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

I am finally beginning to realise that for a girl you can be dog ugly but as long as you show a lot of leg, cleavage, you will be called a babe. However if you dress someway different, it does not matter how beautiful you are, you simply will not get the same attention.

So this question to people - girls and boys.

Does a woman in a dress that shows cleavage and leg and wearing stilettos get more attention that a woman in jeans and top?

Indeed. It always shocks me how many men look at a woman and can't see past the fake tan, bleached hair and ten layers of MAC. I just don't get it. That isn't beauty, it's skillful (and sometimes not so skillful) cosmetics application to cover up a plain face. And they all end up looking exactly the same. I can't stand the whole fake look. And I can't imagine spending all that time and money on waxing, dying, cutting, gel nails, mani, pedi, eyelash tinting and God knows what else. Call me judgemental but that stuff takes a VERY long time and when I see someone immaculately done up like a doll, I always think, does she have nothing better to do? There's taking pride in your appearance and then there's vanity/self obsession. It's so annoying to see girls whipping out their hand mirrors every time they take a drink of something. Meh, I guess some men like it?

In defence of dresses/skirts - I don't see how that's 'dressing up for validation' anymore than wearing trousers. It takes the same amount of time to put them on, they're a lot more comfortable for some women and shorties like me have trouble finding the right length jeans. I wear them cos I like them, but if OP's girlfriend just prefers trousers, she shouldn't be pressured into wearing them!

LegacyUser

It sounds to me like you are being very shallow and wanting your girlfriend to be some kind of arm candy ego boost to for you. Why on earth do you care so much that she's not getting as much attention as some other women? It doesn't sound like she cares and good for her.

I could understand you being concerned about her clothing if she was dressing wildly inappropriately but it doesn't sound like she is at all. Not everyone is in to fashion and dressing like a clone, I think these people are usually more stylish them most anyway.

When I was younger (about 18-21) I used to go out dressed far more scantily clad then I do now. I used to wear more make up and always have heels on etc. Yes I used to get lots of attention from men and that could be fun, it's an ego boost. As I older I realised that this kind of attention wasn't really the kind of attention I wanted, mostly sleazy men ogling me, people I wasn't interested in at all looking me up and down. I didn't need it! Now I go out dressed how I feel comfortable, I still like to look nice but I don't feel the need to have guys eyes on me all the time, I don't care if random men don't think I'm a 'BABE'. I am more self assured now to need validation from random people. It sounds to me like your girlfriend is the same and I think it's a good thing.

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

OP, your last post is extremely shallow. I'm sure you didn't mean to be callous, but I feel dreadful for your poor girlfriend. She sounds like a lovely-looking girl, and you want her to look like a WAG clone so other guys can perve on her and make you feel like a big man. I absolutely LOVE wearing heels, fake tan, have been known to have a few extensions in and put on fake nails, but I also wear jeans and tops and minimal make up sometimes, and I feel good about myself either way. If you convince this girl to dress in a way she doesn't want to, she'll feel awkward when she's all dolled up and inadequate when she's in her normal hanging-out clothes. Why would you want her to be anything other than confident in herself? Maybe if you suspected that she hated the way she looked or didn't have enough cash for a couple of nice dresses she really wanted, I'd think you were a considerate boyfriend. But it's ALL about you. There's NOTHING wrong with a pretty girl wanting to doll herself up for a night out and feel glamorous, but there is if it's because her boyfriend is trying to subtly control her for the sake of his ego.

I agree. I think it's fine if the girl is happy to do this and it's who they are instead of feeling that's how they should look (conforming) and being completely uncomfortable. How you dress says a lot about who you are, even if we might wish it didn't. People judge you on how you look all the time so I believe it's important to dress in a way that is not at odds with your personality.

LegacyUser

Hi all, just stumbled across the post.

Is the OP - looking for justification for his girlfriend.

It looks like she does not care what people say or dont say about her. Its her boyfriend who has the issues here, but instead of shooting him first and asking questions later - I think I will ask this question;

Do people think that because his girlfriend does not dress a certain way, that she is not in the babe category?

Is it society that makes people dress this way.

Take the playboy bunnys, they all dress half naked, so is this then that makes the average Irish girl dress this way and when some do not conform they dont make babe status!

John Mason

if you love your gf as much as you say you wont be posting here.

i think your post is extremely selfish and all these other girls suggesting you bring her shopping or get their stylish friends to bring her shopping need to grow up.

you should love your gf for who she is and not what you want her to be.

fair play to your gf for not conforming to societies warped view of what women should look like,

i am a babe, i dont wear heels and i am sitting here in a very old tracky and sweat shirt. my bf wouldnt have me any other way because he loves me for who i am. if he wanted to go out with a high heel clad umpa loompa, he would found one

i feel sorry for you gf

LegacyUser

Hi OP, I think I can see your point and I believe you want your girlfriend to make the most of her natural features and her body. Clothes can make you look completley dressed up or dressed down. I know I feel a lot better about myself when dressed up and more confident. I have friends that I would love to see dressed up, I also have a niece who is only 11 but really beautiful but reluctant to wear anything other than track bottoms and hoodies.

I don't think there is anything wrong with what you are saying especially when your girlfriend doesn't seem to be making the most of herself.