your opinion of your body damaging those around you?

This

I mind 3 girls, 3,5,9... all out there and dont care about getting naked after swimming etc

so today after they had been in the pool they were getting changed and the 5 year olds friend was there too...

'why are you getting naked and showing off your body? nobody wants to see' said the friend.

'i dont care what other people think' said mine.

'you should care. my mam says no one who doznt have a perfect body shouldnt show it off'

'i like my body'

'i hate mine, im too fat'

i was shocked.

then i got to thinking, i have a younger sister too... and i would hate to think about her hating her body because of comments she from me and my mam about our own bodies... sickened me for a bit. i dont think people realise how much their opinions (maybe wrong word) of themselves rub off on those around them.

called my sister straight away just to tel her she was gorgeous...:D

Lockstep

Perfect bodies? Jesus, that's fairly shocking.

shivvyban

OH MY GOD! :eek::mad::eek::mad::eek::mad::eek::mad::eek::mad:

That is wrong on way to many levels for me to even go into!!

d'Oracle

The ****?

5 Years old?

We are getting worse.

b3t4

That is so sad I'm really upset by that. She's 5!

An aim of mine is to be comfortable enough with my body before I have kids. I do not want to pass on the issues I've developed with my body over the years.

It's the same with partners too. If you keep saying 'Oh I'm so fat' they'll start believing that you are, in fact, fat. I'm very careful not to indulge my negative self image thoughts or air them when they do raise their ugly head.

Sometimes I'll have a whopper of a feeling fat day and then I'll complain a little (ok, I confess, I complain a lot) but that's only about once a month.

This

It just was like wow... if this girl is hearing from her mother and/or other people about the importance of perfection and looking good and being skinny no wonder EDs and depression are on the rise.

surely by letting kids be comfortable with their own bodies(and comfortable with the other peoples bodies and realising everyone is different and thats ok) at a young age and not be afraid/embarrased about them is the right way to go?!!!

some parents just amaze me...

pikachucheeks

It's pretty disgraceful for a five year old's mother to be influencing her into being ashamed and unhappy with her body.

My cousin just turned nine. She's always been very tall and a lot bigger than the rest of the girls in her primary school. She told me one day that a few of the girls in her class have been teasing her, picking on her and calling her fat.
It broke my heart to hear that, because she's just a child and hearing comments like that could have a profound influence on her for her whole life.

I'm getting very upset thinking about it now. Whenever I see her, I make the point of giving her compliments and making sure she's happy. She's a beautiful little girl and I'd hate to see her paranoid and distressed over her appearance - aside from anything else, she's too young to deal with it.

People can have a very serious impact on how you view yourself.

You can have a serious impact on others as well, in having a negative body image. This was one of the reasons why I chose to stand up and embrace my body for what it is and to just be happy with what I've got.

After years of sharing a dorm with other girls, who each would look in the mirror, pick out something they didn't like, then we'd all comment on what we disliked about our bodies... I realised that there's nothing to gain from being negative.

Negativity spreads - if you tell a friend how much you hate your big nose, your short legs, your weird ears ... then they'll be encouraged to think on a negative note as well.

I'm always very careful not to rant to my friends about my body because doing so would not only put me on a downer, but it would also make them feel bad about themselves. Also, I believe that no one notices your flaws until you point them out, so I keep them my little secret


No one is perfect. There is so such thing as perfect! We're all different. Doesn't mean we're any better or worse than one another. Everyone is special and there are more important things in life than your weight, your size and your physical appearance.

I think children should be taught that from an early age. I can't approve of parenting that teaches children to be body conscious and self-loathing. Childhood is a time for fun - not for fear.

minidazzler

I agree with all you said Pikachucheeks, except the noone is perfect bit, as an Irish male, I can say, Mammy is perfect in everyway.


Other than that, noone.

I would be disgusted at the childs parents if I heard a 5 year old talk like that.

Mr Benevolent

A few years ago I was living in a house and one of the inmates had his girlfriend and 4 years old daughter over. I offered the little one a biscuit, and the mother immediately shouts at her 'STOP THAT YOU FAT PIG!' The little girl wasn't fat at all, not even close to it. Poor little thing, she was an angel.

I really hate the way some mothers instill these stupid Cosmo society values into their daughters. And if any of you do or have done that, never do it again.

I'm really, really glad I'm a guy. It's so much easier. Then again I didn't have any control over it!

CathyMoran

I was always told by my mother that I was fat (I was not as it happens)(all my living memory), she would watch what I ate and make nasty comments all the time - I pity her looking back but it was horrible growing up. Sorry, this brought back painful memories.

^ Yup my Dad was/is the same.

I was always a lot taller then others when I was younger. I was about 5'8" when I was 13. And I had a bit of weight on me due to puberty. And my Dad was only a couple of inches taller. So he would be like "I weighed myself this morning, I'm 62 kilos, what are you?" Kinda thing. He still f*cking does it. He bought me a pair of levis for Christmas that were a bit too small (and I'd say he knew they would be) and when he found out they were too small he was all, "ohh that's a bigger waist size than me!..blah blah blah" But he used to have body image problems when he was younger (and still does I guess), but that doesn't mean he should act like that to me!

My Mom used to always comment when I'd put on a bit of weight and tell me to stop eating too much. Even though I've never even been close to being overweight. But then once I told her to stop talking like that she did. Thankfully, I've never had eating problems. Miraculously!

This

the thing i find hard to believe is parents getting pleasure from telling their kids these things.......

The Big Red Button

I used to babysit an eight-year-old girl years ago. She was tall for her age, and had a bit of puppy-fat, but certainly not an unhealthy amount. And she was a lovely happy little girl, but her mother (who was very skinny) used to go on and on about the daughter's weight, really controlling what she ate (even though her brothers were allowed eat what they wanted.) I remember one night the mother was drunk and she was actually crying about how overweight the girl was - I tried to make her see sense, but to no avail.

Anyways I saw the girl in town the other day for the first time in years, and I nearly cried. She's about 15 now, and she looks like one of those pictures of starving famine victims. She is quite tall, but I would guess less than a size four. Her face was just gaunt and hollow, and her legs were like matchsticks except where they went out at the knees. It truly was horrific. (From asking around, I found out that it is in fact anorexia and not some medical problem.)

I'm not saying that her mother caused this - as I said, I haven't seen the family in years - but if she did, as I strongly suspect, I don't know how she can possibly sleep at night. But then again, maybe she's just happy that she's got the delicate little model girl she's always wanted.

Piste

It can go the other way, my parents were all like "love your body, don't be influenced by TV blah blah blah". Looking at childhood photos I can't believe how chubby I was despite doing loads of sports and spending loads of time playing outside. They probably should have fed me less.

Fugly

It really gets to me how parents can be so hurtful and down right irresponsible! Children get their grounding from their parents, if they are given such screwed up values it's exceptionally hard to change.

When you hear of children as young as 5 with ED's it's truely saddening. Also I don't think parents (esp. mothers) realise how much the child picks up from how they themselves act towards food. Without ever commenting on a child simply the mother being on diets/ commenting on appearance can lead to the hild having body issues.

I remember one incident, I was with my niece (8) at I think a birthday party. My niece is naturally very slender, and she was getting a second helping of food when this busybody woman said, "Oh no dear you can't have a second helping, you'll get fat!" Just as I was about to intervene my niece just looked at her and said very loudly "What's fat?." Cue busybody becoming very uncomfortable with all eyes on her as she mumbled.

ellieh1

I have seen two sides of the equation......I live in a housing estate, and in our cul-de-sac all the neighbours are very friendly, a wonderful atmosphere. There is one 7 year old girl living there who is a championship dancer and is a thin little thing, frightenly so, and she will tell you that she cant have a big belly, because if she does she cant dance anymore!! She trains 4-5 nights a week for two hours each time, and she is shockingly thin. Her mom has been advised to get her to eat more, but the child wont incase she gets a big belly!!
Then there is another child living there who is only 8 years old and is obese, possibly morbidly obese. She constantly eats crap food given to her by her mom. Her mom has been told by the doctor on numerous occasions that the child needs to loose weiught fast, and that she is at extremely high risk of diabetes ect. and yet no changes have happened. And whats heart breaking is seeing her upset because she cant wear HSM clothes, ect because the sizes are not big enough.
Both kids are heartbreaking to see for very different reasons, but there is one common factor, they are both kids who need their parents to put their children's needs and health first!!

pikachucheeks

ellieh1 wrote: »

Then there is another child living there who is only 8 years old and is obese, possibly morbidly obese. She constantly eats crap food given to her by her mom. Her mom has been told by the doctor on numerous occasions that the child needs to loose weiught fast, and that she is at extremely high risk of diabetes ect. and yet no changes have happened. And whats heart breaking is seeing her upset because she cant wear HSM clothes, ect because the sizes are not big enough.
!

That line really struck a cord with me. My cousin who I mentioned previously is the same! Our aunt both her this little HSM cheerleading outfit for Christmas, in the biggest size [age 12-13?], and it's a bit on the small side.

I think that's especially sad, because it highlights how the child is different to their peers. If they cannot fit into the clothes, it's almost like they're being excluded from popular culture for their age group.

My cousin is HSM mad! She loves it. I remember one day we were sitting in her room and she was looking at a poster of the cast she has on her wall. She said to me "I wish I could be pretty like Gabriella" - that shocked me. I never was truly aware of how young the obsession with our appearance starts.

BlackandGold

That's so upsetting. It may be possible that these are absent minded comments the mother made to other people and the child picked up on them. I suppose we all do it. Horrifying for a 5 year old to think like that though.

Acacia

That is so disturbing. Really, that's downright dangerous for a child so young to be hearing that kind of nonsense. If I ever have kids, I'll be telling them that they should love themselves for who they are and be proud.

Dragan

pikachucheeks wrote: »

My cousin is HSM mad! She loves it. I remember one day we were sitting in her room and she was looking at a poster of the cast she has on her wall. She said to me "I wish I could be pretty like Gabriella" - that shocked me. I never was truly aware of how young the obsession with our appearance starts.

Ha! Disney are some of the worse perpetrators of telling people they need to be a very specific something.

Ghost Train

This wrote: »

the thing i find hard to believe is parents getting pleasure from telling their kids these things.......

seems like really bad parenting... just hope the parent isn't the type thats really critical of the kid, can really f*ck up a child

Nevyn

It's not always the parents, all it can take is one set of parents or a child getting the idea from some where and it spreads among children and then it's hard to combat and deal with.

Twinkle-star15

Dragan wrote: »

Ha! Disney are some of the worse perpetrators of telling people they need to be a very specific something.

Did you know Disney are actually the best channel for showing diversity? In weights, ethnicities- seriously, about the only time you'll see happy, overweight teenagers is on Disney!

My mother's passed on a lot of her crap to me- she's totally obsessed about weight, and is always starting a diet 'tomorrow'. I realised that I lose weight whenever I don't hang around my family because I don't eat junk food half as much!

LadyJ

Jaysis. This is pretty scary stuff.