Girlfriend acting a bit strange IMO

LegacyUser

Hi,
I have been with my GF for approx 5 years. We get along really well. In the past few months though I think her behaviour has changed. She is 25 and has begun smoking and drinking a few months ago, not having touched either since we began dating. She has also started clubbing again which I don’t mind. She went out to a club 2 weeks ago with her friends from work. I asked if I could come along too as I have not been out in a long time. She said NO, it was a girl’s night out. It didn’t bother me much anyway because we have a young child and probably could not have got a minder in time anyway. I waited up for her until she came home at 5am, pretty drunk. I asked her how her night went and if she talked to any fellas while she was out. She told me that she met a guy who she knew through work, only met him once or twice before as he is a delivery person to the where she works. Anyway she told me that she talked to him for about an hour at a nightclub. I asked her what they were doing and talking about and she said talking about this and that and the usual messing about. I had a bit of a fight with her then as she told me that it was a girl’s night out yet she spent half of it talking and messing about with fellas. Now she tells me that she would like to stay in a hotel sometime in the future after a night out, says it would be easier than looking for a taxi home and that I could collect her the following day. It’s playing on my mind a bit. I’m not sure if she is sick of me now or what’s going on. She assures me that she still loves me to bits and that I am overreacting. Maybe I am. Any advice welcome. Thanks

kittenkiller

Sounds *really* dodgy to be to be honest.

Maybe she's having a relationship freakout.
Sounds like things are very serious between you and at such a relatively young age she might be a bit worried about her lost youth.

You need to be honest with her about your concerns and nip this in the bud.

Best of luck.

beertons

Sounds really fishy man. She wants to see the greener grass if you ask me. Easier to get a hotel room than a taxi? Is she for real?

You need to sit down and have a serious talk with her, about where you see yourselves a few years down the line. If you're not in the plans, get packing.

LegacyUser

i think maybe just maybe that your on the right track to freak out a little bit i mean why does she need a hotel surely a taxi cant be that expensive and they are not hard to come by in these times , i think you should sit down and talk calmly to her , did it ever croos your mind she could be going to an organised event run by a social network and maybe the delivery guy could be someone she met on the site ???

LegacyUser

I have a theory about what might be happening here. Basically, she is 25 and already has a child with you and you have been together 5 years. So it is very possible she is going through a phase of imagining "what if my life were different?" "what if I was care-free, single, and childless like so many other girls my age?". The worst thing you can do right now is get angry with her.
Ask her if this is how she is feeling and make sure to end the sentence saying that if it is, you completely understand how she might feel that way. This could show you as insightful and empathetic to her needs. Empathy is the key to getting her talking. And getting a girl talking about her feelings is absolutely vital to keeping her. If she feels that you understand how she is feeling, and you are not getting mad at her, she will then start thinking about how lucky she is to have you and the child in her life.

Sounds to me like she is wanting to pretend she is someone else, even if just for a night with the girls. It will only go as far as pretending if you talk to her now, and have an honest to god heart to heart. I know that is a painful thought for lads, but its worth its weight in gold. You need to do it soon though, cos the hotel room issue suggests to me she is falling deeper into the "what if" end of things, and you want to catch her before she makes a huge mistake. Also, a bold romantic gesture following your heart to heart might be the jolt she needs to knock her back to reality and focus her on how good she has it.

J Peterman

The other posters are right in that it sounds a little fishy, but given the history you have together I think she's entitled to the benefit of the doubt. She did tell you about the lad from work to whom she was talking; she didn't have to share that information if she wanted to cover something up.

Spell it out for her, point out the things that you posted above, and say that you're not a suspicious guy by nature (which you're not, right?) but you can't help thinking it's all a bit odd. Tell her you're just looking for reassurance, and see how she reacts.

Lux23

Unless she is braindead why would she tell you what she was doing if she was up to no good? That makes no sense, maybe she is unhappy in the realtionship but all this sounds like she is a woman who is looking for attention from her man not someone who wants to cheat. Thats just my perspective. Talk to her about this and she what she says.

iguana

Where do you live in relation to where she is going out? If she is going out in Dublin, for example, do you live somewhere in the city/suburbs or do you commute and actually live in Cavan/Kildare/etc? If it's the former the suggestion of getting a hotel is ridiculous, but if you live in commuter territory than I can see why she might legitimately want to get a hotel room.

The same applies if you are in any other city/town.

I would also suggest that perhaps the two of you should start arranging to have a big night out together every so often. Arrange a babysitter and go out and have fun together.

kmick

Nah thats a deal breaker for me. Apart from the cost of staying in a hotel any man or woman should want to be home in bed with their partner. If they dont then something is up.

starchild

i would say that she is just going through a stage most of us doing , basically getting wasted and having a lot of fun. If she has never drunk before its all new to her.

You both are together a long time from a young age, i think the best course of action would be sit down with her and

- tell her you have no prob with her having nights out with girls
- tell her that you would like to do same with your mates
- also tell her that you would like the both of you to go out together as well here and there
- dont interrogate her, there is nothing to say she did anything wrong.

Any group of girls is going to end up talking to lads, it doesnt mean she will cheat on you

You need to accept her need for an independent social life and if you can there should be no reason you both will fall out. If you cant and you end up arguing about it all the time then you will definitely fall out. What you need is a happy balance

Sephiroth_dude

That sounds real dodgey,why would she want to spend the night in a hotel when she could just get a taxi,she'd spend more on a hotel than a taxi,op you should sugguest to her that you will pick her up after her night out in town,see what kind of reaction you get out of her.

Monkey61

I wouldn't be too quick to jump to conclusions.

1. Why wouldn't she talk to a guy from work on a night out? And also why would you even ask her if she had been talking to any guys? That screams jealousy and trust issues and would be a bit annoying to be honest.

2. Maybe the hotel thing was an idea that a few of her friends had and they all plan to do that just to continue the craic of the night? You are not her jailer, she is entitled to a night out and doesn't have to come home to you EVERY night surely? If she was planning on cheating on you would it not just be easier for her to say that she is going to stay in one of her friends houses?

Nevyn

Why did you ambush her?
You waited up knowing she'd be drunk and tired and then asked her a heap of quesitons keeping her up hoping she would be that tired and befuddled you'd get certain answers.

That alone would have me furious and telling to you feck off and wait to have a serious conversation about the relationship in a mature and civilised way and not when I have just come in from a night out cos you have been sat home alone stewing and don't seem to trust me.

FFS If I was coming home to that crap I can understand why she'd want to put it off.

LegacyUser

Maybe she is just staying with a few girls in the hotel. She's been pretty honest with you so far, so it could be innocent.

Just ask her out straight.

professore

Do you go out together at all? If not then this is unfair. Also the hotel room is well dodgy. This girl has a young child, to be honest she shouldn't be out clubbing alone with her single friends. I would say the same if you were doing it. Do you go out on your own drinking and clubbing till all hours and and chatting up women ? If so then it's fair enough that she does it. If not then some serious questions are needed.

Nevyn

professore wrote: »

This girl has a young child, to be honest she shouldn't be out clubbing alone with her single friends.

What rubbish, just because you are a parent does not mean you are not entitled to have a social life. Yes it it will be restricted due to having children and it is not something I would say that parents should be doing every weekend but to say that parents should not go out with their friends is wrong.

professore wrote: »

I would say the same if you were doing it. Do you go out on your own drinking and clubbing till all hours and and chatting up women ? If so then it's fair enough that she does it. If not then some serious questions are needed.

Couples often have their own social lives as their interests are not always the same and there is nothing wrong with that.

IF things are not good in the relationship and they are not happy then bitching about her going out will not help the situation, taking about the relationship in a mature way when they have time to do so ( not in a confrontational manner when one of you is too tired ) is what is needed.

The first few years with an infant is hard and some times mothers need a night out to feel like a person again and not just a mammy.

If you are having intimacy issues as a couple then try and spend time together having fun and distressing and see about getting a baby sitter every 4/6 weeks or going out for the day/evening somewhere nice as a family.

jeckel

i don't buy this "be nice to her, she's feeling fragile" sentiment, certainly not the "shur fair play to her, good on ya girl" thing.

five am would make me ask questions, what were you doing for 2 or 3 hrs for a start. a night in a hotel, you've got your head on backwards chick, work away but the locks'll be changed when you get home.

and this girls night out rubbish, forget it. she's not all that interested in the girlly giggles if she spends half the night flirting with fellas? "girls night out" translates to "making men want me so i'll feel good about myself." if you can't enjoy yourself on a night out with your partner there then you seriously need to address the issues in your relationship.

seriously OP, i'm about 80% sure you're being cuckolded, man up and put your foot down.

Nevyn

A nigt out with friends does not translate into a night out with only female friends and that does not mean a person has to abstain to talking to anyone other then females because they are in a realtionship.

With pubs/clubs open until 2:30 and if you go for food afterwards it is very easy to only get home at 4/5am and it certainly does not mean a person is having an affair or straying, only that they had a good night out.

IF there are issues in the relationship then it takes two of them to cause them and two of them to work on it constructively and blamestprming and being controlling will not help.

jeckel

Thaedydal wrote: »

A nigt out with friends does not translate into a night out with only female friends and that does not mean a person has to abstain to talking to anyone other then females because they are in a realtionship.

yeah, except she told him he wasn't welcome because it was a girls night out. for her to spend an hour talking and "messing" with a fella from work kind of suggests it was a night "sans boyfriend"

IF there are issues in the relationship then it takes two of them to cause them

no it doesn't, my GF is terribly loyal, honest and nice (this week), if i go off the rails and start drinking, smoking and screwing around, i'm not going to blame her for it. sometimes it is all about one person being an idiot.

luckily for the OP, this seems to be a recent development. he needs to put his foot down and set some boundries before she does something stupid he can't forgive because shes having an "omg, i'm 25, that's nearly old" freak-out.

Oryx

You say you dont mind her going out with the girls, but clearly you do. You ask to tag along, and when thats shot down, you stay up to check what condition she's in and what she did. The time for that kind of discussion is never 5am, and never when the other person is drunk, cos it's bound to end badly.

Your gf could be trying to play away covertly, but to be honest, if she was, shes being pretty upfront with you. Why tell you all that she has done if shes being sneaky? I can understand that she may just be trying to break out of the mummy mould for a night. Whatever is going on, the more agressive you become about it, the more she will hide from you.

You also do come across here as insecure and jealous. Staying up to check if she spoke to men. FFS, they constitute half the population, it would be weird if she didnt.

So now act all adult. Talk to her about your own insecurities when you are both sober, ask for her reassurance, and ask her if there is anything missing from what you both have, something she needs. Because if she is reaching out somewhere else for fun (not necessarily an affair, just fun) that is a warning sign that there may be distance opening up between you. Now is the time to catch that before it becomes a bigger problem.

Moomoo1

OP - tell her that she can get the hotel room if she goes with _you_. I mean, you haven't been out for ages, why can't she take you along next time?

Terodil

Totally agree with you Oryx, good post.

The hotel idea is still dodgy to the extreme though.

CDfm

jeckel wrote: »

luckily for the OP, this seems to be a recent development. he needs to put his foot down and set some boundries before she does something stupid he can't forgive because shes having an "omg, i'm 25, that's nearly old" freak-out.

Jeckel - she is entitled to a social life and a few drinks and to go clubbing.No footstomping is needed.

It is good that she had a girls night out too because work,home and baby can be boring and everyone needs to let off some steam every so often and I dont think OP you should worry about that. The girls night out was probably just the ticket.

Quoting about what she said drunk at 5 in the morning is well over the top and she shouldnt be quoted on that. Also-staying out till 5 when thats not normal for her gave you a legitimate cause for worrying. So I can understand it.

So whats up. Well staying out till 5 am is OTT and can be excused as taxis can be hard to find.As a couple you need to agree on what happens on " nights out". Is there a local taxi firm or taxi driver that you can use for nights out maybe get a mobile number for one of the drivers??

You say she has taken to drinking and smoking like a duck to water in the past few months. I smoke but its unusual to start at 25. Is she sensible about these.

OP I dont think she is up to anything but I do think for your own sake that you agree on the nights out thing and you going out as a couple. You are a family unit even if you are not married and we all have preconceptions of how it should be and your feelings might be a bit more traditional and straight laced then you think.

Edit what Oryx posted seems bang on the money

wasper

We have a house rule no one spends the night somewhere else. If my wife goes out with the work mates. She rings me at one or 2 in the morning & I pick her up. She does the same for me. We have this arrangement over 20 years now.
It's also cheaper to get a taxi than get a hotel room. Now cop on & say no to this new arrangement.

LegacyUser

OP here,
I can understand that she may feel that she has lost out on her youth and it is fine to make up for that now. However I would be slightly worried for her going out getting very drunk without me present. Mistakes can and do happen when drink is involved. It would be such a shame to wreck a good relationship especially with a child involved, over a drunken blunder.

I am a jealous guy. I hate the thought of my drunken gf flirting with fellas on a night out. Is this wrong?

I am insecure too. I have a lot of problems that must drive my gf crazy. Ever since my father died, I have been suffering with some type of social anxiety disorder. Can’t pick up the phone and ring the bank/esb etc. Have to travel an extra 10 miles to get to an atm machine because the nearer one is in the corner of a shop that I have never been inside. Ya, I’m well screwed up alright! My GF knows this and we have talked about it many times before. I really thought that when I asked if I could tag along on the night out, that she would be delighted. I have suggested since that we go out to a club some night together but she is not keen on the idea. Says that I would not enjoy it and would probably feel out of place. She has changed her tune somewhat now as she knows that she has upset me and said she would love for me to come out anytime with her. But is the first reaction the most truthful???

I really do love my GF. She is a perfect mother and great in every other way too. Maybe my insecurities are taking over and I am picking on little things that should not bother me???

Moomoo1

just ask her whether she is feeling unhappy lately - having started drinking, smoking and going out without you

and the hotel thing really should be nipped in the bud. Tell her that she can get a hotel only if you come with her . That way she gets a choice.

joeydelips

If it smells like sh1t, it generally is.

Keano

OP, there is being jealous but tbh you sound very controlling and your gf just wants to have some time away. IMO I think you really need to try and overcome some of the difficulties in your own life and show your GF that you are trying to change.

You say some of the most minor tasks you cannot do - how do you think she feels having to do those all the time?

Oryx

OP, If youve had problems, you may not have realised how much of a strain that was, and still is, on your gf. Things like that can suck the love out of a relationship without either of you really noticing till its gone. She can become your carer and prop instead of your equal in the relationship.
This could explain her new behaviour and doing things without you.

I know your problems are real and something you have to deal with, but just be aware of the effect they have on those closest to you. But you really need to talk and try to get the balance back between you.

I tell you somethin OP, if I knew I was going to be cornered after a night out (when all I wanted to do is drop into bed) for details of who I spoke to, and when I spoke to them, and what was I speaking about, and blatant, baseless suspicion that I might have been cheating, I'd be wanting to book into a hotel after a night out as well, just for the bloody peace and quiet.

However I would be slightly worried for her going out getting very drunk without me present. Mistakes can and do happen when drink is involved. It would be such a shame to wreck a good relationship especially with a child involved, over a drunken blunder.

So you don't trust her and don't think she's capable of handling a night out on her own :rolleyes:
Can you not hear yourself? Your first thought isn't even her safety from excessive drinking (which would be a bit much but understandable) but paranoia that she's going to cheat just because she's drunk? Listen, OP, a LOT of people go out having a night out with their friends involving alcohol and not cheating. Unless you've had reason to think she would be other than drinking, this is craziness.

I am a jealous guy. I hate the thought of my drunken gf flirting with fellas on a night out. Is this wrong?

Somewhat. Either trust her or don't, but don't ever try blaming your jealousy on her innocent actions. If you can't ever trust her because of YOUR jealousy problems, tell her as much and end it now.
Nobody wants to think of their partner drunken flirting.
The thing is, unless we've been given definite reason to think they HAVE been/seen them do it, we put it out of our minds as ridiculous. We also don't interrogate them after their night out to make sure they haven't been flirting.

My GF knows this and we have talked about it many times before. I really thought that when I asked if I could tag along on the night out, that she would be delighted. I have suggested since that we go out to a club some night together but she is not keen on the idea.

Yes well tbh if I was her and knew you'd be sitting there glaring at everyone I was talking to, and only there in the first place to make sure I wasn't cheating, I wouldn't want you there either.

I really do love my GF. She is a perfect mother and great in every other way too. Maybe my insecurities are taking over and I am picking on little things that should not bother me???

Bingo.

eamon234

These aren't "little things". She's taking you for a mug. That hotel room is for one reason only and I don't think I need to spell it out.

eamon234

eamon234 wrote: »

These aren't "little things". She's taking you for a mug. That hotel room is for one reason only and I don't think I need to spell it out.

Yeah. It's for avoiding being interrogated like some kind of criminal in her own home when she comes home tired after a good night out.

WeeBushy

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here,
But is the first reaction the most truthful???

Not necessarily, maybe she truthfully thought that and was trying to look out for you but when she realised it upset you she wanted you to come because she was just looking out for you in the first place.

And with the whole hotel room thing, I've rented a room in a hotel above a certain nightclub in harcourt street with friends for the craic; drink there before, free into the club, banter after and no journey home (and a free breakfast in the morning!). In fact my girlfriend has done the same with her friends from college before come to think of it and neither of us thought it was remotely wierd.

If it was just her and a guy though...I'd have some suspicions.:p

iguana

wasper wrote: »

We have a house rule no one spends the night somewhere else. If my wife goes out with the work mates. She rings me at one or 2 in the morning & I pick her up. She does the same for me. We have this arrangement over 20 years now.
It's also cheaper to get a taxi than get a hotel room. Now cop on & say no to this new arrangement.

Not necessarily. It's extremely common nowadays for people to live in Portlaoise or Mullingar but to actually commute to Dublin everyday and for their social life. If the OP is out with friends in Dublin after work but has to get back to Mullingar after a club can you even begin to imagine what that cab would cost? And the length of time you'd have to spend sitting in a cab when you are drunk and tired would be at best unpleasant and at worst dangerous if you have gotten the wrong taxi driver. A hotel would be cheaper, safer and just nicer as you wouldn't spend half the time you are out worried about getting home. And if you were sharing the cost of the room with a friend who lived in another commuter area it would be massively cheaper.

The same is true of other cites and big towns around the country. And if the OP has to drive 10 miles to the second nearest ATM it does sound as if they live in an area that would be difficult and expensive to get home to.

SarahSassy

I would personally prefer to come home to my OH after a night out but not if I was going to be interrogated at 4 am and then listen to a small baby crying the following morning.

Your second post changes the position a lot. I am wondering if she feels a huge burden of responsibility for both you and your baby and wants a night away from it all.

I go out and my OH has NO issue with it. He trusts me and all he asks of me is that I let him know when I am getting into a taxi so he will know when to expect me home safe. He does not ever ask me who I talked to or why? Most of my nights out without him are girls only and I do talk to guys.. Its hard not to. TBH if he had a problem with it I would not be with him now.

The girl has a lot on her plate. A baby and she herself is quite young and now this 'condition' that you have which cannot make life easy. HOtels in Dublin are very cheap now if you book ahead but did you ever things, rather than her wanting to be unfaithful that maybe she just needs a break.

LegacyUser

OP here again,

First off, I am not a tyrant. I am not a control freak. I am a pretty good person IMO. I work hard seven days a week and give my OH anything she wants.

As for staying up waiting for her to come home, I know now that it was not a good idea. Next time I am going straight to bed until the following morning.

Taxi/Hotel thing. Taxi takes 15 mins to get home and costs 20 euro.

Surely it is not too much to ask to come out for the night with her. We used to have great nights out in the past and I kind of miss that. I have no problem with her talking and having a laugh with anyone she knows, male or female. I do have a problem though with her flirting with fellas that she hardly knows. Why would a woman want to go out and be groped by a stranger? She told me that one guy grabbed her ass but she couldn’t remember who! Too much physical contact is a big no no in my book, especially when drinking.

Moomoo1

if it take 15 minutes, then conceivably you could just drive her home?

Just give her a choice:

1) you both go and stay in a hotel
2) she goes alone and takes taxi back
3) you come and pick her up.

Suggest that and see what the reaction is. Also, ask her why she insists on going on her own (some nights can be girls' nights out, but surely not every single time!)

And I don't think that staying up to wait for partner to come back is such a bad thing. You might be worried about her safety etc etc, and that's understandable.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here again,

Taxi/Hotel thing. Taxi takes 15 mins to get home and costs 20 euro.

Get the mobile numbers for local hackney/taxi drivers in your area and that solves the problem.

Unregistered

Unregistered wrote: »

Surely it is not too much to ask to come out for the night with her. We used to have great nights out in the past and I kind of miss that. I have no problem with her talking and having a laugh with anyone she knows, male or female.

I do have a problem though with her flirting with fellas that she hardly knows.

When has she "flirted with fellas"? Have you seen this? What makes you convinced she has?

Why would a woman want to go out and be groped by a stranger? She told me that one guy grabbed her ass but she couldn’t remember who! Too much physical contact is a big no no in my book, especially when drinking.

:rolleyes:
OP, believe it or not, we get grabbed by random rude guys all the time that we don't know, while we're passing. It doesn't mean we're inviting it.

SarahSassy

OP who looks after then baby when she has been out? Who does the bulk of child minding?

Do you like going to new pubs and clubs?

How can you tell the difference between her flirting or just being friendly? Most men cant...

I think she loves you but feels a bit trapped and feels the burden of her responsibility.. She prob just needs some space and you being constantly on her back does not help.

unhappycamper

Thaedydal wrote: »

Why did you ambush her?
You waited up knowing she'd be drunk and tired and then asked her a heap of quesitons keeping her up hoping she would be that tired and befuddled you'd get certain answers.

That alone would have me furious and telling to you feck off and wait to have a serious conversation about the relationship in a mature and civilised way and not when I have just come in from a night out cos you have been sat home alone stewing and don't seem to trust me.

FFS If I was coming home to that crap I can understand why she'd want to put it off.

So if your man or woman said 'I want to sleep in hotels after a night out' you wouldn't mind? Get real.

wishwashwoo

me thinks she has had enough of you she is playing with you so if you really think she is fed up with you please send me a private text as i offer private eye services i do hope you dont contact me as i hope you can find a way true it after all love is love and you love her lets wait and see

cocoa

Unregistered wrote: »

As for staying up waiting for her to come home, I know now that it was not a good idea. Next time I am going straight to bed until the following morning.

Good, have you mentioned this to her? Making it clear that you want to compromise is a good idea. For example :

'I'd really prefer you didn't stay in a hotel without me, but I'd like to say I'm sorry for staying up and asking so many questions the other night and I promise not to do that again.'

Just a thought.

Seraphina

Err. i haven't read all the posts, but everyone just jumping to the conclusion that she wants to do something dodgy because she wants to stay in a hotel is ridiculous. i'd want to stay in a hotel too if my bf gave me the 3rd degree when i came home drunk at 5am!!!

having read the rest of the posts, OP i can say without a doubt that she's trying to escape the burdens of home. i was in a long term relationship with someone who also had anxiety issues, and like you had trouble going to unfamiliar places and liked to stay within his comfort zone. i'd try to include him in nights out and stuff quite often, but i'd end up babysitting him or having a crap night cause he was uncomfortable. nights out with him often ended up stressful and tearful. i loved the guy to bits but often it was better for both of us if i just told him it was girls only (even if it wasn't) i'd have fun out with my friends, and he'd stay in with his. we enjoyed our night much more than way.

she probably needs more fun nights out without you and wondering whether or not you'll like this pub they're going to next or worrying about your anxiety.

Nevyn

unhappycamper wrote: »

So if your man or woman said 'I want to sleep in hotels after a night out' you wouldn't mind? Get real.

You either trust the person you are in a relationship with or you don't.
I do trust the person I am seeing and have trusted others to stay in hotels and to go away for weekend with out me.

unhappycamper

Thaedydal wrote: »

You either trust the person you are in a relationship with or you don't.
I do trust the person I am seeing and have trusted others to stay in hotels and to go away for weekend with out me.

Point taken, but this is just a night out we are talking about here! It's not like it's a special occasion like a wedding or a party.

Terodil

I think the general consensus is, and the OP has accepted, that the interrogation early in the morning was a bad idea.

The open point seems to be the comment with the hotel.

In my mind, the interpretation comes down to the question if it was a comment made in the heat of the moment, as a backlash to the 'interrogation', or if it was a planned, deliberate suggestion the next day -- that wasn't clear to me from the OP.

I would really forget about it if it was the former, apologise for the interrogation, and give her her the freedom she needs (and that's reasonable, don't turn into a doormat either). If it was the latter, I personally would not accept it with the parameters given (15 mins to drive...). It would mean that she's either still (very) cross with you, which would need to be addressed, or taking you for a fool, which would be unacceptable.

Now I would like to counterbalance some of the statements in this thread somewhat. Yes, interrogating her in the morning when drunk wasn't the best idea, we've established that. But I personally think that she's also overreacting a fair bit. It's understandable that your partner would be worried if you suddenly started going out and stayed out that late, without giving him an idea about it (e.g. a phone call), and came home in a drunken stupor, if you hadn't done so for years. I'm sure the OP was running hundreds of thoughts through his mind that night to explain this change of personality/behaviour, and it unfortunately culminated in him confronting her in the matter described. Bad yes, human yes. He was tired too, and worried. If she made the suggestion re the hotel the next morning, then she failed to show the same empathy most of the people here are missing in the OP, and to try to make the relationship work. Instead, it's pouring fuel into the fire -- I mean, the suggestion that she could stay in the hotel and that he could play the foo... er... chauffeur for madame the next day is kinda... out there IMO. Alternatively she could just have sat him down and explained to him that she needs the freedom and time away, that ofc she would never cheat on him, and discuss how they would handle such stuff in the future.

So OP, take the initial step and make up with her. It's a conflict spiralled way out of reason and the only way you'll find together again is if you put it all on the table and are open with her about your and her feelings. You're not wrong for loving her and being worried about her, but you know now that if you love somebody, you'll also leave her her freedom.

daveyid89

very dodgeilicious.... why a hotel?.... odd anyway

LegacyUser

OP here again,

Thanks for all the replies,

Having read the posts on this tread, I believe that it is my jealousy that is causing the whole problem. Most posters here do not seem to have a problem with their OH flirting.

Anyway, she will be going out again this weekend so hopefully I can control my emotions afterwards. If I cant, I feel the best thing to do would be to leave her off the hook. She is still young and I cant drag her down with me. While it would tear me apart, it would probably be best in the long run.

hoochis

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here again,

Thanks for all the replies,

Having read the posts on this tread, I believe that it is my jealousy that is causing the whole problem. Most posters here do not seem to have a problem with their OH flirting.

Anyway, she will be going out again this weekend so hopefully I can control my emotions afterwards. If I cant, I feel the best thing to do would be to leave her off the hook. She is still young and I cant drag her down with me. While it would tear me apart, it would probably be best in the long run.

You probably need some counseling OP. I think your suggestion of letting her off the hook is a bit OTT!

TheCityManager

hoochis wrote: »

You probably need some counseling OP. I think your suggestion of letting her off the hook is a bit OTT!

I think he means break up with her ???