She doesn't want me to go to a strip club

LegacyUser

I'll start this post of by saying that, I have no plans to go to a strip club what so ever.

This started from a conversation about hen & stag nights. Basically she wouldn't want me to go to a strip club because it is against her morals, she thinks it's degrading women, the taught of me watching girls dance doesn't lie well with her.

It wouldn't bother me (I think) if she went. It's a choice she makes, I know she loves me and that I am all that matters to her and the (male) dancers aren't in with a chance. Thats how I feel about it to, she means everything to me and has nothing to worry about.

My question is, is it acceptable for a guy (or even a girl) to go to a strip club and do all partners feel this is(n't) acceptable?

useful_contacts

Unregistered wrote: »

I'll start this post of by saying that, I have no plans to go to a strip club what so ever.

This started from a conversation about hen & stag nights. Basically she wouldn't want me to go to a strip club because it is against her morals, she thinks it's degrading women, the taught of me watching girls dance doesn't lie well with her.

It wouldn't bother me (I think) if she went. It's a choice she makes, I know she loves me and that I am all that matters to her and the (male) dancers aren't in with a chance. Thats how I feel about it to, she means everything to me and has nothing to worry about.

My question is, is it acceptable for a guy (or even a girl) to go to a strip club and do all partners feel this is(n't) acceptable?

Im with my partner 5 and a half years, he is off to newcastle in october for a stag do and he "asked" me would i be ok with him going to a strip club. I burst out laughing and said "off course not off ya go". It doesnt bother me one bit. If i was going to newcastle with them id go to the strip club aswell. I know he loves me and the way i see it he watches porn so why shouldnt he enjoy a strip club. Nothing wrong with it and i trust him 100%

However my friend who is with her bf 6 years(her bfs going on this stag too) told her bf if he went to a strip club over there that they were finished.

So you see Everyone is different and everyone has different ideas of what constitutes fun. I think its grand for guys and girls to go to strip clubs. Ive been to a few and had a blast.

prinz

Have been to a few 'proper' joints in the States when I was younger, not the things they have over here. tbh I wouldn't go again. IMO it's something you should grow out of as you get older, like 21. Just don't see the attraction anymore. My OH has said the same as the OP's, but I actually beat her to it saying I wouldn't be bothered going to one if they were paying me to go in. Just don't like them anymore, they're a waste of space, and serve no beneficial purpose whatsoever.

LegacyUser

You said she doesnt want you to go because she finds it degrading,...thats actually different to 'she doesnt want you to go because it makes her insecure' which is the way the other posters responded to your message.

You are in deep s*** here I think because you really shouldnt do something that goes against your partners morals, her point is a teeny bit unreasonable but very arguable for her. Your only option is to get her to relax about it a bit but I suspect that the 'morals' argument is a sneaky cover for 'it makes her insecure'. You cant win this one easily but I guess you need to talk to her and say you respect her, women and her opinion but that she is putting you in a very difficult and embarrasing position as it would be terrible for you in your eyes and in the eyes of your friends to have to cause a fuss about going to a stripclub just because 'it goes agains your girlfriends morals'. I think thats you argument. Good luck.

JamesAlex

Eh, I'm friends with a few strippers and they don't feel degraded by it at all. In fact they see it the other way that men are so pathetic that the need to pay to be rubbed up against. I love strip clubs, I go there because its a nice way to relax at the end of a night, I rarely get a dance and most of the time just chat to some of the girls which I have gone on to date.

They are not all as confident, some of the girls have genuine issues as in they have been abused or bad relationship with parents etc. But most of them are completely normal like you and me except they have a provocative job

Oh and just so you guys know, there is very little dancing in the clubs, you have to pay to get a private dance, if the OP didnt get a dance I see no reason why his OH would be upset about it.

Eve_Dublin

You can't equate women going to see the Chippendales (do any women really fancy any of these guys?) to men going to strip clubs. This is just naive or feigned stupidity on your part...come on OP! The atmosphere at a Chippendales show is much different to a strip club and you know it! I've been to a strip club and the places are seedy as hell. The men are there JUST to perv at naked women dancing round poles or whatever...nothing else. And pulling out the "it's not your problem if your girlfriend is so insecure" card doesn't wash with me and it makes us out to be the bad guys. Feck that! I'd say I'm fairly secure in myself but I would have a problem with my OH going to strip club to perv at sexy, naked women because that's all it is. Call me crazy but I'd like to think I'm the only sexy, naked REAL-LIFE woman (as in in flesh and blood and not in a magazine) he gets to get off on. My opinion of him would decrease on a huge scale...I really don't want to go out with a man who frequents strip clubs..the idea makes my skin crawl.

To be honest, strip clubs are for sleazy old men who can't get any in the real world and young lads on stags who don't know any better (and some of them probably don't even want to be there but are just going along with the crowd). If you want to go along and have a look for yourself, then do (but you said you don't). Your girlfriend can't stop you but you can't blame the girl for feeling degraded/insecure (I don't think they're mutually exclusive in this instance)..a lot of women would. She not being unreasonable here OH...

Sorry, just reread your post..why is this an issue if you're not even planning to go? Is she annoyed because you don't see anything wrong with it?

Greenmachine

Suprised no-one has said it yet, but how about You respect your OH's wishes and don't bother with the stripper. Is it really that important.

JamesAlex

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

You can't equate women going to see the Chippendales (do any women really fancy any of these guys?) to men going to strip clubs. This is just naive or feigned stupidity on your part...come on OP! The atmosphere at a Chippendales show is much different to a strip club and you know it! I've been to a strip club and the places are seedy as hell. The men are there JUST to perv at naked women dancing round poles or whatever...nothing else. And pulling out the "it's not your problem if your girlfriend is so insecure" card doesn't wash with me and it makes us out to be the bad guys. Feck that! I'd say I'm fairly secure in myself but I would have a problem with my OH going to strip club to perv at sexy, naked women because that's all it is. Call me crazy but I'd like to think I'm the only sexy, naked REAL-LIFE woman (as in in flesh and blood and not in a magazine) he gets to get off on.

To be honest, strip clubs are for sleazy old men who can't get any in the real world and young lads on stags who don't know any better (and some of them probably don't even want to be there but are just going along with the crowd). If you want to go along and have a look for yourself, then do. Your girlfriend can't stop you but you can't blame the girl for feeling degraded/insecure (I don't think they're mutually exclusive in this instance)..a lot of women would. She not being unreasonable here OH...put yourself in her shoes for a sec and consider her feelings instead of making excuses to do what YOU want to do.

Wow, this poster is the definition of a hypocrite. Clearly she has never been to a strip club because any of them Ive been in don't have naked ladies dancing around poles, they have women who you can request a private dance with, they also join you while you have a few drinks, but if you are not interested they leave.

I can assure you that the people who are going along with the crowd, want to be there. Get a clue eve

hobochris

I'm sorry but the argument about male strippers or Chippendales being not as bad is pure crap.

In strip clubs there is a strict no touching policy, where as there have been many stories about women in the audience of these male shows being brought up on stage and doing a lot more then looking (In some cases kissing the strippers penis or performing fellatio on him behind the cover of a towel).

LegacyUser

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

You can't equate women going to see the Chippendales (do any women really fancy any of these guys?) to men going to strip clubs. This is just naive or feigned stupidity on your part...come on OP! The atmosphere at a Chippendales show is much different to a strip club and you know it! I've been to a strip club and the places are seedy as hell. The men are there JUST to perv at naked women dancing round poles or whatever...nothing else. And pulling out the "it's not your problem if your girlfriend is so insecure" card doesn't wash with me and it makes us out to be the bad guys. Feck that! I'd say I'm fairly secure in myself but I would have a problem with my OH going to strip club to perv at sexy, naked women because that's all it is. Call me crazy but I'd like to think I'm the only sexy, naked REAL-LIFE woman (as in in flesh and blood and not in a magazine) he gets to get off on. My opinion of him would decrease on a huge scale...I really don't want to go out with a man who frequents strip clubs..the idea makes my skin crawl.

To be honest, strip clubs are for sleazy old men who can't get any in the real world and young lads on stags who don't know any better (and some of them probably don't even want to be there but are just going along with the crowd). If you want to go along and have a look for yourself, then do (but you said you don't). Your girlfriend can't stop you but you can't blame the girl for feeling degraded/insecure (I don't think they're mutually exclusive in this instance)..a lot of women would. She not being unreasonable here OH...

Sorry, just reread your post..why is this an issue if you're not even planning to go? Is she annoyed because you don't see anything wrong with it?

Your having a laugh right?
I've seen women jump over tables and fight each other off to get at Chippendale dancers.
If a man looks at a dancer wrong he is kicked out.

Eve_Dublin

JamesAlex wrote: »

Wow, this poster is the definition of a hypocrite. Clearly she has never been to a strip club because any of them Ive been in don't have naked ladies dancing around poles, they have women who you can request a private dance with, they also join you while you have a few drinks, but if you are not interested they leave.

I can assure you that the people who are going along with the crowd, want to be there. Get a clue eve

I've been twice. Read my post again. Not all strip clubs are like the ones you ferquent obviously. How is my post hypocritical??

prinz

JamesAlex wrote: »

I can assure you that the people who are going along with the crowd, want to be there. Get a clue eve

The couple of times I was in a strip club I didn't want to be there. It was a corporate event.

Eve_Dublin

hobochris wrote: »

I'm sorry but the argument about male strippers or Chippendales being not as bad is pure crap.

In strip clubs there is a strict no touching policy, where as there have been many stories about women in the audience of these male shows being brought up on stage and doing a lot more then looking (In some cases kissing the strippers penis or performing fellatio on him behind the cover of a towel).

It's pure crap?? Where are all the women-only male strip clubs then if there's such a market for it? I don't ANY women who find those men attractive. Women aren't turned on by men dancing like the YMCA...sorry to disappoint you if you're considering it as career hobochris!

Eve_Dublin

JamesAlex wrote: »

Eh, I'm friends with a few strippers and they don't feel degraded by it at all. In fact they see it the other way that men are so pathetic that the need to pay to be rubbed up against. I love strip clubs, I go there because its a nice way to relax at the end of a night, I rarely get a dance and most of the time just chat to some of the girls which I have gone on to date.

They are not all as confident, some of the girls have genuine issues as in they have been abused or bad relationship with parents etc. But most of them are completely normal like you and me except they have a provocative job

Oh and just so you guys know, there is very little dancing in the clubs, you have to pay to get a private dance, if the OP didnt get a dance I see no reason why his OH would be upset about it.

James...these women are not your friends...they want your money. It's their JOB to talk to you. Don't be so naive.

Nobody's doubting whether these girls are "normal" or not..of course they are. The fact that this would even be debated speaks volumes.

Eve_Dublin

prinz wrote: »

The couple of times I was in a strip club I didn't want to be there. It was a corporate event.

Having corporate events in strip-clubs IS degrading to women. I'm presuming women work for these companies as well?

prinz

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Having corporate events in strip-clubs IS degrading to women. I'm presuming women work for these companies as well?

Like I said it was Stateside, and I didn't want to be there. Neither do I want to ever visit a strip club again. I am not defending them

tagoona

OP. I would say go.
You'll be disappointed at what you see and your curiousity will be satisfied.
Whether you tell the other half is up to you.

My stag we ended up in a strip club. I had told the other half we might go. She approved at the time, but went ballistic after the stag.
What can you do!
People react differently. Only you know whether you can deal with the fallout.

TBH, I think most guys go out of curiousity than wanting to be turned by a scantily clad lady.

Eve_Dublin

prinz wrote: »

Like I said it was Stateside, and I didn't want to be there. Neither do I want to ever visit a strip club again. I am not defending them

I know you weren't Prinz but just commenting on what a crappy choice of location it was for a corporate event. Very professional. Out of curiosity, were women invited?

I've been to two strip clubs in the states when I lived there...a girl I worked with while I was waitressing was a stripper in the evenings and I went to see her to give her moral support. She hated it and commented on how she thought most of the men there were "scum of the Earth" and how little respect they had for her. Her words..not mine.

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

Your having a laugh right?
I've seen women jump over tables and fight each other off to get at Chippendale dancers.
If a man looks at a dancer wrong he is kicked out.

Have you been to one of their shows?

prinz

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I know you weren't Prinz but just commenting on what a crappy choice of location it was for a corporate event. Very professional. Out of curiosity, were women invited?

Of course not . There were a few of us paddies over and the managers in our department thought they had to show us what 'real' men did, by sipping light beer, going to a total dive of a strip club and watching American football. The only thought going through my head was 'what the hell am I doing here?'. In fairness they had everything booked and preplanned and we didn't have a clue what was on the way so felt we kinda had to play along. tbh it was disgusting and turned my stomach no end.

LegacyUser

OP Here.

She was in a bit of a foul mood al right when it came up, hence me posting. (all because of a movie, the hangover)

From reading the replies there are mixed views which I was expecting.

I respect my gf's views on this but I can't fully see where she's coming from. I'm sure there are club were women are degraded and not treated well but I wouldn't be going there, I see nothing wrong with it so long as this doesn't happen. As someone else had said it's ok for her bf to watch porn so why not a stripclub?

I also think part of the issue is her being insecure as mentioned by someone.

Thanks for the replies.

Eve_Dublin

Unregistered wrote: »

OP Here.

She was in a bit of a foul mood al right when it came up, hence me posting. (all because of a movie, the hangover)

From reading the replies there are mixed views which I was expecting.

I respect my gf's views on this but I can't fully see where she's coming from. I'm sure there are club were women are degraded and not treated well but I wouldn't be going there, I see nothing wrong with it so long as this doesn't happen. As someone else had said it's ok for her bf to watch porn so why not a stripclub?

I also think part of the issue is her being insecure as mentioned by someone.

Thanks for the replies.

I'm only speaking on my behalf and not the whole female population...a heck of a lot of men AND women look at porn...even my dad growing up (I found a load of magazines under his bed when I was 7 :eek:)....I suppose I'm not repelled by it because it's 2D images of women so done up and airbrushed that their verging on cartoons characters....the women in strip clubs are REAL. This is what bugs me, I think and plus the types of men that are drawn to these places are usually creeps who are there for the sole purpose of perving over naked women who are right there in front of them and sometimes extremely close if they get a private dance. If a single man decides to go there, that's his business but a man in a relationship....why would you want to be so close to a women in the flesh if you're in a happy relationship? The whole thing is creepy beyond belief. PAYING a woman for her to show you her boobies when you've got a girlfriend with her own nice pair of boobies you can look at for free! Bargain!

This is beyond the realm of fantasy OH...THAT'S the problem I have with it.

neuro-praxis

The problem is not whether or not a partner goes to a strip club. It's about whether or not you share the same values.

My husband actually agrees with me that the sex industry is an ugly and exploitative one, and has no desire to support it.

If he felt differently, I would never have gotten into a long-term relationship with him.

If you can't respect your partner's wishes on this maybe you aren't right for each other. Let's face it, you want some sexual thrills separate from her.

Eve_Dublin

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Let's face it, you want some sexual thrills separate from her.

This is what it comes down to for me. For a woman to feel insecure that a man would choose to get off on looking at another women and paying for it is understandable and a man who couldn't see this point-of-view is not the kind of guy I would want to be with. Simple as.

BeQuiet

Men enjoy looking at naked women - in fact most of them REALLY enjoy it.

Calling them pervs or other epithets is insulting - its human nature, not perversion!

So - guys - dont be ashamed of your natural lustful feelings - theres nothing wrong about it.

If a guy has a really great relationship with his OH, I would imagine that he might not want to do so (see any other naked woman besides his partner) - but IMHO that kind of amazing relationship is rare indeed!

neuro-praxis

BeQuiet wrote: »

If a guy has a really great relationship with his OH, I would imagine that he might not want to do so (see any other naked woman besides his partner) - but IMHO that kind of amazing relationship is rare indeed!

Or maybe they'd like to see lots of naked women but choose not to. It's a rare thing called self-control.

Cassidy1

if she is insecure and wont let you go what is she going to be like when you are married? You seriously have to find out what her problem is coz if the girl is marrying you obviously you are mad about her and wouldnt do anything to hurt her so you need to let her know that!

zedhead

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

It's pure crap?? Where are all the women-only male strip clubs then if there's such a market for it? I don't ANY women who find those men attractive. Women aren't turned on by men dancing like the YMCA...sorry to disappoint you if you're considering it as career hobochris!

I've been to 3 of these show's, on mien and my friends part was all just for a laugh. Though after the last one i would never go again. Women who went were definitly getting turned on by it and were very touchy ad grabby with the guys. I dont know any women personally who find it sexually apealing but there are a hell of a lot of women out there that do. It was actually rather disturbing the way they treated the men. It may not be as big a market as female strippers, but it is totally on the same level as a guy going to a strip club for a stag do.

jonsnow

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

...a girl I worked with while I was waitressing was a stripper in the evenings and I went to see her to give her moral support. She hated it and commented on how she thought most of the men there were "scum of the Earth" and how little respect they had for her. Her words..not mine.

She obviously had very little respect for herself if she hated the job that much and continued to work their.

jonsnow

neuro-praxis wrote: »

Or maybe they'd like to see lots of naked women but choose not to. It's a rare thing called self-control.

or maybe going to a strip club on a stag do is fun and isn,t really a big deal

Eve_Dublin

zedhead wrote: »

I've been to 3 of these show's, on mien and my friends part was all just for a laugh. Though after the last one i would never go again. Women who went were definitly getting turned on by it and were very touchy ad grabby with the guys. I dont know any women personally who find it sexually apealing but there are a hell of a lot of women out there that do. It was actually rather disturbing the way they treated the men. It may not be as big a market as female strippers, but it is totally on the same level as a guy going to a strip club for a stag do.

Right so the Chippendales etc are being exploited as well, not denying they're not but how does this make strip-clubs any more acceptable or any less disturbing? It's ALL exploitation..of course it is. I haven't been to one of these shows and I wouldn't to.