Single Life Depressing Me!

LegacyUser

Okay, I realise that this topic has been said a million times here on boards but I really need to get this off my chest.

I'm 32 now and I've been single for over a year and it is starting to get me down, and I mean seriously down. All of my friends have girlfriends or are married but I never really worried about it until the last two friends hooked up with girls over the last month or two and all they do is talk about their new partners which is slowly driving me insane.

When my ex dumped me I went into survival mode and changed jobs, apartments, started some night classes, joined a new gym and most importantly I refused to keep contact with them (it was a messy breakup where I got badly hurt). But even after all that effort on my part I feel like I am back at square one and it's killing me inside.

Since I have been single I have kissed something like 4 girls but they were more like drunken once off things and nothing ever materialises from them. I haven't had sex for what feels like an eternity and I need sex atleast twice a day so this just adds insult to injury.

Also, I'm not sure if I am the only guy to notice this, but the lack of single girls in Dublin is quite frightening. I work with loads of good looking women, the vast majority I get on very well with but they are all in relationships so it's a total no go. Infact most of the guys in the office are in relationships also and they occasionally make fun of me and call me 'gay' so I have to make up stories of how I scored over the weekend just to shut them up, it's humiliating!

Ah sorry for the rant, I am just totally frustrated and don't know where to turn!

LegacyUser

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I'm 27 and been single for close to a year. When I was with my ex girls used to chat me up all the time but I was having none of it because I was so loved up but now that I'm single girls don't give me the time of day, it's like they can sense that you are single and the challenge is gone!?!?!?! Anyway, hang in there man, I know it's hard but when you least expect it some hottie will come out of know where and bowl you off your feet!

idontknowmyname

Similar situation, I'm 26 female and was living in Dublin, moved to a new country, miserable in my old job so left and couldn't find a new one so came to the UK. The dating scene is really tough, I've even started online dating which I'm pretty wary of but it's the only option I have at the moment.

I know how it feels to be lonely and wish you were in a relationship. Maybe try online dating? it's gone ok for me so far.

MysticalSoul

Female in the same boat. I went to an event with www.getout.ie last weekend, which was fab. It was well organised etc. Even though nothing fruitful, it was a laugh to go, and got chatting to some interesting people.

If nothing materialises in the pubs here, will probably try another event.

LegacyUser

I actually met my ex before my last ex online when I was around your age but it is harder now because the majority of single girls on those sort of sites are in their early to mid twenties and probably regard someone in my age bracket to be a pervy old sleaze bag.

Ah it's tough going for me right now. I lie away awake at night dreaming of meeting someone or even worse pining for my ex. And then when I out with friends or in work I'm surrounded by people who are happily in relationships and probably think of me as some sort of hermit!

I know I sound really pessimistic but I have been so proactive and assertive since the breakup that it is really frustrating looking back over the last year and seeing that I have made absolutely no gains since then. If I thought that I would be in the position that I'm in now one year ago then I probably would have taken a long walk off a short pier back then!

Adamisconfused

I don't know how you guys come across to potential partners, but you all sound very needy.
If you aren't happy on your own then I don't see how you'll be happy in a relationship. Anyway, that isn't much help to you. It was just an observation.
Just realise that you aren't going to be single forever. One day you will meet someone who will be interested in you. In the mean time, do something worth while with your lives and possibly try internet dating.
Other than that, I don't know what to suggest.

Amy33

Adamisconfused wrote: »

I don't know how you guys come across to potential partners, but you all sound very needy.
If you aren't happy on your own then I don't see how you'll be happy in a relationship. Anyway, that isn't much help to you. It was just an observation.
Just realise that you aren't going to be single forever. One day you will meet someone who will be interested in you. In the mean time, do something worth while with your lives and possibly try internet dating.
Other than that, I don't know what to suggest.

Of course a person could be single forever, I don't agree with the notion that "the right person will come along eventually", there's a very strong possibility that they don't even exist.

JamesAlex

Unregistered wrote: »

Also, I'm not sure if I am the only guy to notice this, but the lack of single girls in Dublin is quite frightening.

Your kidding right, its party time for guys in Dublin at the moment, we have a bunch of smoking hot Polish, Asian and Brazilian girls in dublin looking for a man. Maybe its just you, but Im playing the field as its more fun, we can always settle down later

Adamisconfused

trish990 wrote: »

Of course a person could be single forever, I don't agree with the notion that "the right person will come along eventually", there's a very strong possibility that they don't even exist.

I’m not much of a believer in “The One” either. However, it’s a bit far of a stretch to say that none of these people will ever meet someone who sparks an interest in them. If they don’t, then they should re-evaluate themselves and find out what makes them different to everyone else.

squonk

You all sound way too needy. have you not got lives? Singledom isn't some nasty affliction as long as you're happy with yourself. If you can't live your life when you happen to be single and sometimes have to go out to things by yourself, how on earth are you going to manage to stand up for yourself in a relationship? You have a will and can make your own decisions, so why don't you do that instad of sitting around pining for exes or feeling sorry for yourself because you're not with anyone. So what if your friends are in relationships, good luck to them but you'll have way more fun being single I guarantee it. Get out and make some new friends, preferably single ones who enjoy going out and make the mot of it. You never know too, meeting more single people might solver your ultimate problem as well.

LegacyUser

Hey I'm not needy at all, I have just been single for over a year now after being in a couple of relationships spanning over 8 years, so of course it's going to be a shock to my system.

Also you guys that answered seem like a couple of young dudes in your early 20's who can actually go out and score in pubs and clubs with girls your own age without much of a problem. Try doing that in your 30's, it's now as easy as you think, most girls my age are either settled down or have alot of baggage then can really screw things up (ie: children, ex partners/husbands, etc).

As for being spoiled with an army of foreign beauties, that is true, there is eye candy everywhere but how many of these girls are single and how many actually mix with people outside of their own cultural social circles? No too many.

So please, less of the 'get a life' stuff because it's not helping!

NickNolte

Hi have to agree with squonk on this one... you sound incredibly needy. You say you're not needy at all but apparently being single for a mere 12 months is 'slowly driving you insane' and 'killing you inside'. If that's not needy, I really don't know what is!

The bottom line is that you need to relax, stop preoccupying yourself with finding a partner and learn to be happy with yourself, in your own company and go out and enjoy yourself and enjoy life a bit. You'll meet plenty of women if you put yourself out there but if you come across like a love-starved puppy, women will smell that a mile away and be turned off instantly. Desperation is a serious turn-off.

willy wonka

I was the same when I was single for that length of time but it wasn't attractive when I look back.
I am now single a lot longer than that but I have learned to really like being on my own. I am much more independent now and less needy but it did take awhile to get here.

You need to embrace yourself and all your interests and discover yourself. OP you said you did all that but still you really want to be with someone. Maybe shift your perspective and lose yourself in whatever you are doing. Use this time as the time you can do stuff when a girlfriend might get in the way, like writing a book, setting up your own business, go solo travelling, etc

lynnmarie

You need to relax and enjoy your life.. It might be hard on your own but from my experience it's when your happy with being alone that someone special comes along unexpectedly.. If you go out seeking a partner your just going to settle for whatever comes along...
And you mentioned it's hard to find women your age without baggage, your only 32.. You could easily go for girls in they're 20's.. Most girls prefer dating men older than them..

Gemini Sister

Speaking as an older woman (35) 32 is literally the perfect age for a man.

You don't need to worry about your age. You are at the perfect age for either a 25 yr old women or a 35 yr old, so that is not a problem.

What you need to do is get busy with hobbies. Everyone of mates is either surfing chicks or doing advanced cooking courses or creative writing. Doesn't matter. Keep finding reasons to socialise. And internet date. My friend met her guy that way and she is the sexiest woman I know. Genuinely. When she goes to clubs she has to beat the guys off cause she looks like that french actrest who saves animals (?) - Bridget Bardot!

So hang in there, meeting someone is mostly a waiting game!

G-Money

JamesAlex wrote: »

Your kidding right, its party time for guys in Dublin at the moment, we have a bunch of smoking hot Polish, Asian and Brazilian girls in dublin looking for a man.

I only have one question for you JamesAlex, which bars are you going to? Seriously, which bars? I'm not joking.

On a more serious note, I'm in the same boat OP, only about 10 times worse. I'm male, 32, and I'm not going to say how long I've been single but lets just say my dry spell would make you look like Hugh Heffner at the Playboy mansion. I'm a bit sick of all my friends loved up and in couples and it's starting to make me feel like a reject or that there's something wrong with me.

I did try the internet dating thing and it didn't work out, I didn't meet any women I clicked with or anything. I think I was trying too hard so to be honest I'm just trying to forget about it all and I'm actually off women for a while. It was getting to me so much that I found myself recently thinking about giving up altogether and just accepting that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. I never used to think like that.

Don't get me wrong, if some hot honey jumped on me I wouldn't turn her away, but I'm not actively seeking a woman at the moment. I've enough things in my life to sort out and get straight first.

I kind of agree with earlier posters. Any girl I fancy at work is fecking married or something and to say it's de-motivating is an understatement.

LegacyUser

Isn't it a pity in this stupid country of our's that every single person thinks the same thing? I have so many amazing girlfriends, who are in their early 30s, smart, funny, attractive, independent, who are at the ends of their tethers with trying to meet someone nice. I think the dating scene in Ireland is appalling-it is very difficult to meet someone. The thing is OP, that all my friends say the same thing as you :"all the guys are either married, taken, cheating, or knobs". Why can't we get everyone genuine and single into one place and let them meet eachother? A possible business opportunity?!

OP, I'm not going to tell you that you are needy or pathetic. You are neither. I suspect you are lonely. And that's fine. And normal. The most frustrating thing about being single is not knowing when you will meet someone. And chances are you will, but it's that old turkey "you can't hurry love, you just have to wait". But while you're waiting, get out there, tell yourself everyday that you will meet someone, enjoy yourself every opportunity you get, and then when you least expect it, someone will come along! And you'll be married long enough!

The only thing that made me smile about your post was the whole "I need sex at least twice a day"...everyday??! Ouch chaffing alert!! And where the hell do you find the time for good, not inoutthanksamillionwoohoo sex that girls like?!

Good luck!

Eve_Dublin

grandmaster wrote: »

I only have one question for you JamesAlex, which bars are you going to? Seriously, which bars? I'm not joking.

On a more serious note, I'm in the same boat OP, only about 10 times worse. I'm male, 32, and I'm not going to say how long I've been single but lets just say my dry spell would make you look like Hugh Heffner at the Playboy mansion. I'm a bit sick of all my friends loved up and in couples and it's starting to make me feel like a reject or that there's something wrong with me.

I did try the internet dating thing and it didn't work out, I didn't meet any women I clicked with or anything. I think I was trying too hard so to be honest I'm just trying to forget about it all and I'm actually off women for a while. It was getting to me so much that I found myself recently thinking about giving up altogether and just accepting that I'm going to be single for the rest of my life. I never used to think like that.

Don't get me wrong, if some hot honey jumped on me I wouldn't turn her away, but I'm not actively seeking a woman at the moment. I've enough things in my life to sort out and get straight first.

I kind of agree with earlier posters. Any girl I fancy at work is fecking married or something and to say it's de-motivating is an understatement.

I know this is might sound like a stupid suggestion but would you ever think about emigrating if the drought in your love life continues?? When I was travelling, women were going crazy for Irish men. I was hanging out with this group of ten very average-looking lads from Cork but they were great fun, not in any way arrogant and just lovely, friendly fellas...like a lot, if not most Irish men are in my experience (although I know Irish lads don't feel the same about us Irish females...). There was a group of really hot Brazilian women in the hostel I was staying in and we were in the same dorm. I didn't realise they spoke English but one of them spoke to me one morning and asked me was I Irish and I told her I was and she asked me were the group of lads my friends and I said they were and all the women got very excited and asked me could I speak to the lads on their behalf...they all thought these lads were The Business so I'm happy to report I did a bit of match making that night and all the lads were hooked up by the end of the night and one of them told me the next day that he wouldn't get a look in with women this hot back home.

I found this a lot travelling...Irish men (the Irish in general actually) seem to come into their own when they leave this country (I hate to say it but the knocking mentality in this country drags us down which only compounds the lack of confidence and security we have in ourselves as it is) and I've come across loads of women who commented on how attractive Irish men were, purely because of their personality and compared to other nationalities I came across, Irish men on a whole were the most fun and the most capable of seeing a woman not as a piece of meat but also as a friend (my opinion, not fact). Very attractive traits in a man.

I can't really speak for Irish women but I know a lot of girls who never came home from their travels after meeting a foreign fella and without sounding like a big head here, I certainly got a lot more attention abroad than I do here. It was great.

I don't know, perhaps I don't see emigration as a big deal as I've been in and out of the country for years(leaving in less than 2 months myself) but it might seem extreme to some. If things aren't working out for you here as they don't seem to be, maybe up sticks and leave and try and make things work for you elsewhere?

Big Vern

Hi,
Im in a simular situation to the first few posters....
Im male single and in my 30's, ive never had a serious relationship, most just last a few months. But these days I cant even seem to get a relationship going! I usually get the 'your a nice guy but i would prefer to be friends' line...
Its really hard to meet people in pubs/nightclubs as they are usually a lot younger than me. My confidence has taken so many knocks its a very low ebb. I have no problem in asking girls out, a girl started in work recently and i got on great with her, i asked her out but turns out she has just started to go out with someone. It seems my timing is always wrong!!!
When it comes to chatting up girls in pubs etc i fall apart
I have meet a few people on Facebook, but haven't tried the internet dating sites is this the way to go..
Im in a small town, so although the there is clubs etc to join it is very limited...
Any advice would be great.
Thanks...
BV

G-Money

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

I know this is might sound like a stupid suggestion but would you ever think about emigrating if the drought in your love life continues??

That's just a lovely thing to say to a person! :P

I actually have lived abroad a few times and nothing happened either. It probably didn't help that I never open my mouth and stuff. It's weird, sometimes I'm on nights out and I'm tired and I'm really not in the mood to start chatting to people. Sometimes I just want to be quiet and drink.

Strangely enough, in the run up to Christmas I was getting more attention than I had done in a while. I guess what I was doing differently was going out and trying to enjoy myself more, trying to be more chatty and sort of approaching girls (although I often had a few drinks when I did this but previously no matter how drunk I was I still wouldn't go near them). Giving them a bit of stick and being a bit cheeky but not offensive. I'd also lost some weight and although while I was still big, being 2.5 stone lighter could only have helped my confidence. Having said that I had a few girls sort of come onto me but being the idiot that I am, I did nothing about it. Its like my brain just switched off when I was getting signals and I walked away. I don't know why. Too drunk probably.

Since then though I've sort of slipped back into my old ways and put weight on again. I'm also completely off the idea of going out as I just don't want to do it as I hate how I look. I know I'm the only one that can change that, but I'm just putting across how things are.

Anyway, this thread is about the OP, not me

Eve_Dublin

grandmaster wrote: »

That's just a lovely thing to say to a person! :P

Ah now, you've taken the first line out of context from the rest of the post! I wasn't trying to be mean, I wasn't suggesting a mass exodus for all "desperate singles" from the country to travel the world in search of their soul mate. People emigrate for all kinds of reasons...work or just a change in lifestyle. If you've (all singles here) nothing holding you here, why not head off for a year or two and try a change of location? But don't go to London...probably the worst place in the world to be single (believe me....I know only too well). Perhaps it's a ridiculous suggestion but I know plenty of people who it's worked for. The Irish are hot sh*t abroad.

Exon

If there's so many single people in this post, why not exchange numbers? ;p

ciagr297

Exon wrote: »

If there's so many single people in this post, why not exchange numbers? ;p

cause this is not a dating site

Eve_Dublin wrote:

The Irish are hot sh*t abroad.

agreed, i've lived abroad for a few years and for many other reasons, considering doing it again.
and its not just the irish boys who get picked up loads, its the girls just as much!

if you can go abroad for a year, consider it. at the very least it will boost your own confidence.

the single scene in ireland is awful

boomerang 143

Just wanted to say I agree the single scene in Dublin is awful.
I totally understand where the OP is coming from as Im in the same boat although I think being 31 single female puts me at a slight disadvantage.
I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to be in a relationship and missing the closeness that that provides, its human nature after all.
I dont really have any great advice in my case I have just been trying to get out there and socialise as much as possible. Ive kissed a lot of random guys and gone on a few dates as Im working on the basis that its a numbers game and eventually I will find the one

LegacyUser

Susan Page's "If I'm So Wonderful, Why am I Still Single".

Cheesiest title in the world, and one to wrap in Hello and take to the cash register, but I swear, there is some excellent advice in it. Read it!! It worked for me 4 years ago! It doesn't introduce you to the person of your dreams, but it certainly puts it in perspective and gives some great, down to earth advice.

Good luck!

G-Money

Exon wrote: »

If there's so many single people in this post, why not exchange numbers? ;p

They should have a forum or page on this site where single people can post info about themselves and exchange PM's and numbers. But I'm guessing this would earn people a ban by a trigger happy mod.

I mean there's so many people posting here (male and female) about wanting to meet someone else, there's bound to be a few good matches amongst them.

Lux23

grandmaster wrote: »

They should have a forum or page on this site where single people can post info about themselves and exchange PM's and numbers. But I'm guessing this would earn people a ban by a trigger happy mod.

I mean there's so many people posting here (male and female) about wanting to meet someone else, there's bound to be a few good matches amongst them.

Or someone could take it upon themselves to organise a single's boards meet, I am sure that's not against the rules.

LegacyUser

I just wanted to ask the man who started this tread where you are going when you go out i am female and 33 and everywhere i go there seems to be a large amount of single women out with a serious lack of single men. At 32 you must know that everybody our age has some baggage and if they don't i would wonder where they have been for their 20's. To be honest i have as much baggage now as i did when i was 23 LOL. You should try to find someone fun to go out with and just go out with the thought that if you meet someone you meet someone and if you dont you still have a blast. And as for the sex thing why not just look for a F... Buddy there really are girls out there who like Sex and at the time dont want everything else, i know if its a relationship you are looking for the Fbuddy is not the ideal situation but it will relieve the stress

J Peterman

(might be off topic- sorry)

I've a theory about people doing better, love-wise, while travelling. It's not that there's anything wrong with the women or the scene in your home country, it's that while you're away from home, you are out of your comfort zone. This makes you way more open to meeting new people and more open to making connections with strangers. Your openness and confidence thus make you attractive to the opposite sex.

You might try to knock yourself out of your comfort zone where you live- go to different pubs than you usually would, take up activities that you're not used to.

G-Money

Lux23 wrote: »

Or someone could take it upon themselves to organise a single's boards meet, I am sure that's not against the rules.

Nice idea. I wonder would anyone (a relatively equal number of single men and women) be interested in showing up...

LegacyUser

You are not alone, ...)))

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm the guy that started this thread.

Still down in the dumps unfortunately. Went out to a work do lastnight and got on really well with all of my work colleagues etc and danced/chatted with some good-looking girls but alas I went home alone as usual. I now want to head out tonight but all of my mates are either away or spending time with their girlfriends so I guess I'll just stay in and try to keep myself occupied, it so depressing. I also had a weird dream about my ex last night and now cannot stop thinking about her..............after over a year that is ridiculous!!!!

Unregistered wrote: »

I just wanted to ask the man who started this tread where you are going when you go out i am female and 33 and everywhere i go there seems to be a large amount of single women out with a serious lack of single men. At 32 you must know that everybody our age has some baggage and if they don't i would wonder where they have been for their 20's. To be honest i have as much baggage now as i did when i was 23 LOL. You should try to find someone fun to go out with and just go out with the thought that if you meet someone you meet someone and if you dont you still have a blast. And as for the sex thing why not just look for a F... Buddy there really are girls out there who like Sex and at the time dont want everything else, i know if its a relationship you are looking for the Fbuddy is not the ideal situation but it will relieve the stress

I usually go to pubs in the south city centre (Dublin that is). Most times I go out it is usually a 10:1 ratio of men compared to women. Plus if there are women out then they are usually in close knit groups and it is impossible to penetrate into that unless you look like Brad Pitt.

Yeah I do understand that most people our age have alot of baggage but I guess I was trying to say that because I got burnt in the past I am not very trusting anymore and get jealous of other men very easily. So if a girl has a child or a string of ex's that would set the jealousy/paranoia alarm bells off in my head. I am trying hard to work on that and learn to let things go, not as easy as it seems.

Btw the f**k buddy idea made me lol I would absolutely LOVE a f**k buddy but that seems to be harder to get then a girl who is willing to get involved in a relationship. I've really tried to hook up with girls but every last one of them was already taken. It's so much easier for a girl to get sex then a guy. Really frustrating!

Eve_Dublin wrote:

I know this is might sound like a stupid suggestion but would you ever think about emigrating if the drought in your love life continues??

I've thought about it alot because I really like foreign girls, but to be honest it was always like a fantasy that seems just out of reach. Right now I have alot on my plate with work and part time college so it would be impossible but I think I might take the chance in the near future because I absolutely hate being alone.

LegacyUser

Im the 33yr old female who suggested the fbuddy thing and im glad it made u laugh but it is a thing i would def do i think when u r getting sex and stop stressing a girl will come along. I wanted to ask and i hope u dont take this the wrong way but are the girls u are interestedin out of ur league. I mean i have a male friend who will only go out with tall skinny blond women while he is a nice looking guy he never gets a look in i try to tell him to be more open to all women but he wont listen and he goes home alone. And as for the jealousy thing that is something only u can change. You say u have been burned but most of us have. You just have to b open to the fact that there is women out there that will hurt u but they are only a minority.

winking weber

The dating scene just sucks in this country. If you dont go to the pub and dont want to score someone from work, options are very limited.

all I can say is talk to people more. Get used to talking to strangers of both sexes all ages until it comes naturally. I'd totally be open to an approach outside of the usual places if the guy was confident, friendly and didnt come on too strong. Actually being approached like that when theres no drink involved would earn him kudos.

But dont take my advice for it... *sigh*

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Im the 33yr old female who suggested the fbuddy thing and im glad it made u laugh but it is a thing i would def do i think when u r getting sex and stop stressing a girl will come along. I wanted to ask and i hope u dont take this the wrong way but are the girls u are interestedin out of ur league. I mean i have a male friend who will only go out with tall skinny blond women while he is a nice looking guy he never gets a look in i try to tell him to be more open to all women but he wont listen and he goes home alone. And as for the jealousy thing that is something only u can change. You say u have been burned but most of us have. You just have to b open to the fact that there is women out there that will hurt u but they are only a minority.

I don't have high standards at all. I like short girls that have nice features and I never go for the leggy blonde types. I am actually very open minded so I wouldn't be foolish enough to be too fussy when it comes to looks (although I would draw the line at fat women). I guess I have been lucky that I have been in relationships with very attractive women in the past, but I do know when I am out of someone’s league (or not) and wouldn't waste my time approaching them.

winking weber wrote:

The dating scene just sucks in this country. If you dont go to the pub and dont want to score someone from work, options are very limited.

I totally agree with this statment!

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't have high standards at all. I like short girls that have nice features

So short girls with nice features are not of a high standard???

Unregistered wrote: »

I wouldn't be foolish enough to be too fussy when it comes to looks (although I would draw the line at fat women).

Charming. You paint such a decent picture of yourself. Maybe the girls you are meeting are picking up on your attitude.

LegacyUser

I'm not single now but I was for a long time and I have to say the most annoying thing about Irish men when I was single was that they waited until they had 20 pints of dutch courage before they'd come over to you at which stage they were sltbbering and unintelligble. If you weren't bowled over by their 'courage' for coming over to chat to you, you got the 'your so stuck up, who do you think you are line'.

Personally, I think Irish men are the best; give me an lad over an italian, french, English, aussie and if you can get chatting to them in a non alcohol environment they are down to earth, funny etc but dear lord it's painful when a bloke tries to chat you up after 20 pints.

In my experience, Irish men don't really like the girl making the first move; no matter what guys say, I've done it enough in the past to realise that for the most part it gets you nowhere.

A needy person (guy or girl) is very unattractive so I'd say to the OP stop waiting for Ms Perfect, get some interests and hobbies which fill your life and when you meet a girl you're interested in you'll be more relaxed about the whole thing.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

So short girls with nice features are not of a high standard???

LOL You have taken what I have said totally out of context. A poster asked me if my standards were too high and gave an example of her friend who only went for tall skinny blondes (which is the stereotypical male fantasy). I said that I didn't go for these types of women because it would be a waste of my time and that my preference would be short girls with nice feature which I obviously regard as high standard.

SarahSassy wrote:

Charming. You paint such a decent picture of yourself. Maybe the girls you are meeting are picking up on your attitude.

My attitude? Well if honesty is a trait that the women I am meeting don't like well then maybe I am better off being single after all?

Unregistered123 wrote:

A needy person (guy or girl) is very unattractive so I'd say to the OP stop waiting for Ms Perfect, get some interests and hobbies which fill your life and when you meet a girl you're interested in you'll be more relaxed about the whole thing.

I totally agree with you here. Needy people are extremely unattractive to say the least but like I said before I seriously don't think I am needy. I may come across as needy from my initial rant on this post but that was basically just letting off some steam because my last few single mates have hooked up and now I am the only single person left of all my mates & work colleagues. This coupled with the fact that my ex has moved on and is happily in a relationship has made me sit up and say "Damn, how the f**k am I still single"?

As for hobbies and interests, I am working full time and have collage part time in the evenings. Every free weeknight I have I spend in the gym and I always socialise at the weekends with my mates. I'm not sure I can do much more than that. Maybe I should really strongly consider emigrating like another poster suggested. A change of scene might really do me the world of good.

LegacyUser

I'm a single 32 year old male in Waterford and I love it! I was in a long term relationship in my early 20's, but have been more or less single ever since. Relationships can be hard work. I don't think I was ever as lonely as I was in the last year of my relationship.
Now I have loads of friends, male and female, go out alot, go away alot. Singledom is there to be enjoyed!!
There are loads of single girls in all of the pubs in Waterford, so I am pretty sure there are lots in Dublin aswell!

LegacyUser

boomerang 143 wrote: »

Just wanted to say I agree the single scene in Dublin is awful.
I totally understand where the OP is coming from as Im in the same boat although I think being 31 single female puts me at a slight disadvantage.
I dont think there is anything wrong with wanting to be in a relationship and missing the closeness that that provides, its human nature after all.
I dont really have any great advice in my case I have just been trying to get out there and socialise as much as possible. Ive kissed a lot of random guys and gone on a few dates as Im working on the basis that its a numbers game and eventually I will find the one

I dont mean to go off topic here but how does being female put you at a disadvantage? The way I see it is that its so much more easy for girls to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend. Just go to any nightclub any given weekend and you'll be presented with the picture of guys chasing girls. If a decent looking girl walked into a bar she would be chatted up within 10 minutes(maybe less). If a decent looking guy(even a very good looking guy)walked into that same bar the only person that would chat to him would be the barman.......and that would be to ask what drink he was having. My ex girlfriend used to just have to leave her house and blokes would approach her(and no she wasnt a model or anything. Good looking yes, but not stunning). She'd get chatted up in the shops, at bus stops, in cafes, at work, everywhere she went some idiot would throw try it on. And I know other girls that have similiar experiences. This kind of thing never happens to men, so I dont see how single women are at any kind of disadvantage.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

So short girls with nice features are not of a high standard???



Charming. You paint such a decent picture of yourself. Maybe the girls you are meeting are picking up on your attitude.

He is just being honest. I dont think he was being rude at all. He is entitled to say what he likes or doesnt like. I presume short girls with nice features is a pretty broad group of girls, doesnt sound too fussy at all to me.

I like funny guys with nice eyes and lips!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I dont mean to go off topic here but how does being female put you at a disadvantage? The way I see it is that its so much more easy for girls to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend. Just go to any nightclub any given weekend and you'll be presented with the picture of guys chasing girls. If a decent looking girl walked into a bar she would be chatted up within 10 minutes(maybe less). If a decent looking guy(even a very good looking guy)walked into that same bar the only person that would chat to him would be the barman.......and that would be to ask what drink he was having. My ex girlfriend used to just have to leave her house and blokes would approach her(and no she wasnt a model or anything. Good looking yes, but not stunning). She'd get chatted up in the shops, at bus stops, in cafes, at work, everywhere she went some idiot would throw try it on. And I know other girls that have similiar experiences. This kind of thing never happens to men, so I dont see how single women are at any kind of disadvantage.

Totally agree with this. Women don't seem to have the same frustrations as men do in regards to meeting members of the opposite sex, infact women are somewhat spoilt and even complain because too many men approach them. I'd say this would be a dream for most men.

Unregistered wrote:

He is just being honest. I dont think he was being rude at all. He is entitled to say what he likes or doesnt like. I presume short girls with nice features is a pretty broad group of girls, doesnt sound too fussy at all to me.

I was being honest and I didn't mean to be rude at all, but after browsing through these boards for awhile I've noticed that mentioning the word 'fat' in the same sentence as the word 'women' is like poking a rattle snake with a stick. In other words it's a very sensitive subject and it was cause many an unprovoked attack from the heaver female posters. That's not a dig btw, it’s just something that I have observed over the years.

G86

I don't think the OP is being offensive in simply stating what he likes/doesn't like, we can't slate him for saying he doesn't like girls who are overweight. I mean I like guys who are well built but I don't tend to go for 'fat' guys either, does that reflect badly on me? No, it doesn't and it shouldn't, it's a personal preference.

OP - I think maybe you should join a dating website? If it's simply sex you're after then you can find someone looking for the same thing easily;and if you're interested in trying to find someone for something more then sure go on a few dates and see what happens..you never know

I don't think you should emigrate merely on the basis of finding someone to have a relationship with, that's putting way to much pressure on yourself. It's obvious from the threads that have been popping up here lately that alot of people are in the same boat as you; it's just a matter of finding them.

talkshowhost

Unregistered wrote: »

The way I see it is that its so much more easy for girls to get a boyfriend than it is for a guy to get a girlfriend. Just go to any nightclub any given weekend and you'll be presented with the picture of guys chasing girls. .

Oh dear, this is a unfortunate mythical view of womens experiences in pubs and nightclubs... Maybe im in the wrong places, I tend to ignore the meatmarkets of Dublin and Galway.

I agree with the 'being abroad makes you more attractive to the oposite sex' theory, thats where I have found it really easy to get chatting to guys, and in ireland, my track record is mostly made up of people i got to know through work, volunteer and actual employment. The work enviroment is bound to throw up potential frission, as these are people you spend more time with than most of your actual friends! I have done the internet dating, and it gave me more funny stories for the post-mortems with the girls than anything. apart from a 4month relationship with the biggest knob i ever came across, but he was pretty hot, so i ignored his arsehole-ness just for something to play with!! Then I went to canada for a year, and even with a broken leg, i managed to snog 3 guys in my first week in the hostel, then met my ex-boyfriend who i dated for the year i was there. I am thankfully heading to scotland to live in september, and i hope the scots do better than you irish boys in the 'speaking to girls' stakes!! And just for the record, I consider myself a fine catch, I am attractive and i have a decent personality and never take myself seriously- so I cant see why I havent been snapped up!!! Like I said, I dont take me seriously...!!

donster79

talkshowhost wrote: »

Oh dear, this is a unfortunate mythical view of womens experiences in pubs and nightclubs... Maybe im in the wrong places, I tend to ignore the meatmarkets of Dublin and Galway.

I agree with the 'being abroad makes you more attractive to the oposite sex' theory, thats where I have found it really easy to get chatting to guys, and in ireland, my track record is mostly made up of people i got to know through work, volunteer and actual employment. The work enviroment is bound to throw up potential frission, as these are people you spend more time with than most of your actual friends! I have done the internet dating, and it gave me more funny stories for the post-mortems with the girls than anything. apart from a 4month relationship with the biggest knob i ever came across, but he was pretty hot, so i ignored his arsehole-ness just for something to play with!! Then I went to canada for a year, and even with a broken leg, i managed to snog 3 guys in my first week in the hostel, then met my ex-boyfriend who i dated for the year i was there. I am thankfully heading to scotland to live in september, and i hope the scots do better than you irish boys in the 'speaking to girls' stakes!! And just for the record, I consider myself a fine catch, I am attractive and i have a decent personality and never take myself seriously- so I cant see why I havent been snapped up!!! Like I said, I dont take me seriously...!!

The scots are welcome to you..

Eve_Dublin

talkshowhost wrote: »

Oh dear, this is a unfortunate mythical view of womens experiences in pubs and nightclubs... Maybe im in the wrong places, I tend to ignore the meatmarkets of Dublin and Galway.

I agree with the 'being abroad makes you more attractive to the oposite sex' theory, thats where I have found it really easy to get chatting to guys, and in ireland, my track record is mostly made up of people i got to know through work, volunteer and actual employment. The work enviroment is bound to throw up potential frission, as these are people you spend more time with than most of your actual friends! I have done the internet dating, and it gave me more funny stories for the post-mortems with the girls than anything. apart from a 4month relationship with the biggest knob i ever came across, but he was pretty hot, so i ignored his arsehole-ness just for something to play with!! Then I went to canada for a year, and even with a broken leg, i managed to snog 3 guys in my first week in the hostel, then met my ex-boyfriend who i dated for the year i was there. I am thankfully heading to scotland to live in september, and i hope the scots do better than you irish boys in the 'speaking to girls' stakes!! And just for the record, I consider myself a fine catch, I am attractive and i have a decent personality and never take myself seriously- so I cant see why I havent been snapped up!!! Like I said, I dont take me seriously...!!

Hey! No need to slag off Ireland to get your point across!! We have our faults but we're not the worst! I used to live in Scotland as it's far from the promised land you think it is, love! The men are like Irish men with different accents (we're all from the same stock) and if you think Ireland is cliquey, then you're going to get some shock over there! Still a great country..probably the most beautiful country I've ever been to but the men are as terrified of women over there as they are here..and they drink just as much if not more. Good luck!

Oh and snogging 3 men in a hostel is hardly finding the love of your life. It's hardly difficult to pull in a hostel, in fairness (speaking from experience). It ain't the real world.

ciagr297

fully agree with Eve_Dublin here.

although being abroad can make you more attractive, its usually got alot more to do with your own confidence in yourself which is probably increased by standing on your own in a foreign country

and if the only pulling ground is a hostel....this does not automatically mean that country is easier to pull in - if you are staying in a hostel in paris and the only guys you pull are americans, does that mean french men are just the same??? imo, it does not

Eve_Dublin

ciagr297 wrote: »

fully agree with Eve_Dublin here.

although being abroad can make you more attractive, its usually got alot more to do with your own confidence in yourself which is probably increased by standing on your own in a foreign country

and if the only pulling ground is a hostel....this does not automatically mean that country is easier to pull in - if you are staying in a hostel in paris and the only guys you pull are americans, does that mean french men are just the same??? imo, it does not

I was the one who suggested emigrating to find love and perhaps it was a silly suggestion but I would agree with you ciagr that your confidence does increase in a foreign country, at least that's what I found in my experience. I suppose you're away from the watchful, judging eyes of your peers (most of it is in your head) here on your own turf and you can do, approach and be anyone you like when you're somewhere else.

I definitely had a lot more luck in foreign countries and perhaps it wasn't the fact that these men were better at approaching women, perhaps it was more of a case of me exuding more confidence and in turn, being more attractive to them..or maybe I'm just a bit different looking to the local women (or perhaps they see me as easy pickings ). I don't know. As I said before on this thread, Irish men tend to 'blossom' (for want of a better word) when they go abroad and they're a real hit with the ladies. Sometimes it's hard to believe these are the same men I come across here in Ireland. Now I'm not making fun of Irish men because they're still my favourites but their lack of confidence in themselves is depressing. It can be endearing and frustrating in equal measures.

Back when I was single, I despaired how most of the dating scene revolved around the pub and if I did go on a date with a guy, it usually involved getting p*ssed to 'break the ice'. Irish men or Irish women don't need to drink so much...we're charming and friendly without it as long as we're relaxed with a person. Being relaxed with a person of the opposite sex takes a lot of self-confidence...confidence to know that you're great without the aid of drink.

This dependence on alcohol to find 'the one' needs to stop. We need to stop with the attitude that we're only fun and sociable after a few pints or we'll be stuck in this vicious circle forever and we'll never be happy with our supposed less sociable, less confident, less fun selves when we're sober.

Dagon

For the sake of the OP, let's get away from this question of neediness.

I'm 29, and was with my girlfriend for nearly three years, and since breaking up last March life has been great. I've been more chilled out, I've had more time to spend doing things that I really enjoy - things that make me feel vibrant, alive and fulfilled - and spending time with friends who I had been neglecting due to the relationship, and I actually feel much happier in general. And I have no interest at the moment in being in another serious relationship and couldn't care less if I meet girls or not. In fact, I'm happy enough now without any complications in my life, I'm happy to live life at a slower pace, at my own pace, and I'm enjoying my friends.

And you know what? I'm starting to think that girls can sense all of the above, because it seems quite easy to meet them at the moment. They know I don't give a crap, they know I'm happy with my life, they know I don't need a relationship to make me feel happy... and, whether I want it or not, I seem to be getting more attention from those ladies, even much younger, beautiful girls who I used to think wouldn't be so interested in me. I'm not boasting, because what's the big deal anyway, I know a relationship or a beautiful woman can't make me happy. Only I can do that. My ex-gf was what many men would consider the ideal of a perfect woman (tall, skinny, blonde, pretty) but I was miserable as hell at times in that relationship and we were often so depressed together in spite of the physical ecstacy, so that's not what I'm chasing anymore. It's a total illusion, so don't think the guys with beautiful women are all super happy.

My advice is not to try a somehow fake the above attitude - try and genuinely change your life, and change your thoughts to reach the stage where you are just happy with your life as it is, in the here and now. People will sense that.

When I look at your posts, I see you throwing about so many dangerous words. Negative words are very powerful, and can affect your subconscious mind - if you keep using them, and keep believing in those things then they will materialise more and more in your life.

A quick scan of your posts brings up recurring words such as:
"never", "can't", "not interested", "depressed", "down", "seriously down", "hurt", "lack", "insane", "humiliating", "harder", "frustrating", "sleaze bag", "baggage".

Do you want to fill your life up with those things? Because going by your posts, that's what you are doing. These are all very powerful words! As are positive words. You should try stocking up in positive words

You need to empty out the trashcan in your mind and start completely afresh, or you will keep going through the same patterns. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to feel these things, but try meditation to help you heal these feelings and turn them into positive energy, instead of focusing on them so much. Right now you are multiplying all of the above words and ideas in your mind.

"And while I walk I look at the past,
Each step I'm leaving behind,
And for the first time I feel alright,
Now life is mine once again,
No direction to go, No goals to reach now,
One voice to trust that's my own" - Vision Divine

talkshowhost

Woopsie, I probably should have clarified that I am actually Irish!!!I did come across wrong there, and I think what I was trying to say was that I feel quite frustrated with the dating scene at home, 'sex and the city' has really warped my mind, I am waiting for the day a nice irish boy strikes up a conversation with me in xtra-vision, for example, plenty of scope there!!! But yeah, the being abroad thing is probably more to do with me and the way I am probably more open to having random chats with boys!!

Undertow

Dagon wrote: »

For the sake of the OP, let's get away from this question of neediness.

I'm 29, and was with my girlfriend for nearly three years, and since breaking up last March life has been great. I've been more chilled out, I've had more time to spend doing things that I really enjoy - things that make me feel vibrant, alive and fulfilled - and spending time with friends who I had been neglecting due to the relationship, and I actually feel much happier in general. And I have no interest at the moment in being in another serious relationship and couldn't care less if I meet girls or not. In fact, I'm happy enough now without any complications in my life, I'm happy to live life at a slower pace, at my own pace, and I'm enjoying my friends.

And you know what? I'm starting to think that girls can sense all of the above, because it seems quite easy to meet them at the moment. They know I don't give a crap, they know I'm happy with my life, they know I don't need a relationship to make me feel happy... and, whether I want it or not, I seem to be getting more attention from those ladies, even much younger, beautiful girls who I used to think wouldn't be so interested in me. I'm not boasting, because what's the big deal anyway, I know a relationship or a beautiful woman can't make me happy. Only I can do that. My ex-gf was what many men would consider the ideal of a perfect woman (tall, skinny, blonde, pretty) but I was miserable as hell at times in that relationship and we were often so depressed together in spite of the physical ecstacy, so that's not what I'm chasing anymore. It's a total illusion, so don't think the guys with beautiful women are all super happy.

My advice is not to try a somehow fake the above attitude - try and genuinely change your life, and change your thoughts to reach the stage where you are just happy with your life as it is, in the here and now. People will sense that.

When I look at your posts, I see you throwing about so many dangerous words. Negative words are very powerful, and can affect your subconscious mind - if you keep using them, and keep believing in those things then they will materialise more and more in your life.

A quick scan of your posts brings up recurring words such as:
"never", "can't", "not interested", "depressed", "down", "seriously down", "hurt", "lack", "insane", "humiliating", "harder", "frustrating", "sleaze bag", "baggage".

Do you want to fill your life up with those things? Because going by your posts, that's what you are doing. These are all very powerful words! As are positive words. You should try stocking up in positive words

You need to empty out the trashcan in your mind and start completely afresh, or you will keep going through the same patterns. I'm not saying you aren't allowed to feel these things, but try meditation to help you heal these feelings and turn them into positive energy, instead of focusing on them so much. Right now you are multiplying all of the above words and ideas in your mind.

"And while I walk I look at the past,
Each step I'm leaving behind,
And for the first time I feel alright,
Now life is mine once again,
No direction to go, No goals to reach now,
One voice to trust that's my own" - Vision Divine

This guy speaks sense! Great advice.

I find myself in pretty much the same situation as a lot of the posters on this thread- single for the past couple of years and while I enjoyed it for the first few months, then started to hate the lonliness that came with it. I'm quite a shy lad and wouldnt be the sort to start approaching women so that was really getting me down. Funnily enough, if it was a friend of a friend I'd have no problem, but I just never know how to start a conversation with a stranger that I fancy! I always think I'd just end up sounding like a tit.

Anyways, I've taken life by the scruff of the neck in recent months, did some charity work and moved out of my hometown. Nothings really changed regarding my lovelife, but I'm feeling a lot more content and happy in myself and I think something might happen soon! As Dagon said, try and change yourself and your attitude before anything else. Take one step at a time.

And I think its a great suggestion to set up a night for singles, but I wouldnt know how to start in organising it! I've found it quite theraputic reading this thread as its made me realise I'm not alone! So cheers for that folks!