Lads Holidays

Lorrs33

My boyfriend is currently away with his friends in Salou for two weeks. Some of my friends are adamant that they would never let their boyfriends go away with just the lads, insisting "they know they can't". They're even insisting that I make sure my boyfriend never does it again. I honestly don't mind my boyfriend going away with his friends, I know them all because we went to school together. I do miss him, but I trust him completely. I'd like to hear other women's opinions on this matter. Would you allow your boyfriends/husbands to go away with his friends?

Nevyn

Yep,

Skapoot

Yeah, if it was with his friends I trust for a fun/cultural holiday.

Going to Amsterdam - No. :pac:

Malari

Lorrs33 wrote: »

Would you allow your boyfriends/husbands to go away with his friends?

I hate this attitude. He doesn't need my permission. If he wants to go somewhere with a bunch of male friends I wouldn't have a problem because I trust him. He'll say it to me first before he makes any committments because he respects me. That's all.

Bloody Nipples

Yet girly weekends are ok. Some women can be incredibly hypocritical. I guarantee you that your friends would bust a blood vessel if the same standard was applied to themselves because "they know they wouldn't do anything out of the way".
If an OH tried to stop me going away with my buddies for a weekend, and made a serious issue of it she would be out the door with a cheery "so long!".

Grown men are not dogs to be trained and whipped in to shape, yet this is a fairly common attitude among women that really irks me.

Cathmandooo

Wouldn't have a problem with it. You either trust your husband / boyfriend or you don't. People can cheat anywhere at anytime, if he's the type to cheat then he probably won't just do it on a holiday. (I only say he because we're talking about women 'letting' the men out. I'd say it's the same for cheating women too)

Only issue I could see is if it is instead of a holiday planned with me. If he can do both then great.

Little Miss Cutie

Yep without a second thought - if you trust them it shouldn't be an issue. I would prefer he went a lads holiday than a stag but that's just me.

I think it is very true about double standards the girls that say they wouldnt let their bf go are the very ones away with "the girls" every other weekend.

NewFrockTuesday

A weekend away for him is a weekend of peace for both parties! Being able to take off and kick back with friends is fantastic


Although 2 weeks is a long time. Too long for me to be away with a set. One week at home with teh folks and one week away if I were to go two. Best of both worlds then.

Fink Goddie

I'd be delighted to get rid of him for a couple of weeks

shellyboo

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, and I find the rationale of some girls who do completely bonkers, tbh.

I really don't understand either where they find the kind of guys who'd put up with such shlte.

Chocoholic84

Fink Goddie wrote: »

I'd be delighted to get rid of him for a couple of weeks

You sound like a really nice g/f!

Me?

I wouldn't really like it, tbh, only cos I'd miss him though - not so much cos of the fear that he might cheat - I really don't think he would, or COULD, seeing as he prob would be completely blotto every night, and wouldn't be able to, lol!

This is the thing that irks me about people who cheat, and blame the drink - if you were THAT drunk, you should barely be able to open your eyes, never mind your legs.

Malari

shellyboo wrote: »

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all, and I find the rationale of some girls who do completely bonkers, tbh.

I really don't understand either where they find the kind of guys who'd put up with such shlte.

I think some of it is self-policing. I know a few guys who always claim "the wife" won't let them go somewhere, when really they have no interest in going and it's an easy excuse.

It's also a ego thing to say they are "allowed" go away with the lads, haha, little lady doesn't know what I'll be up to (clue: going for pints with the lads same as he always does at home).

It works both ways. Some women like to think they have control over their men, some men like to be controlled.

Fink Goddie

Chocoholic84 wrote: »

You sound like a really nice g/f!


This is the thing that irks me about people who cheat, and blame the drink - if you were THAT drunk, you should barely be able to open your eyes, never mind your legs.

I think the drink can be to blame sometimes.

piscean

My OH has gone away plenty of times with the lads - doesn't bother me because I trust him - I hate it when other people put their nose in and tell you how you should feel about the situation.

Fink Goddie

Yeh and anyway if he's the type that will cheat, he'll find a way to do it whether you let him go on hols with the lads or not.

WindSock

It wouldn't bother me so much. Then again, it depends on who the friends are he's going away with.

Dudess

I was watching Very Bad Things last night. Not "allowing" him go on a lads' holiday would turn me into a woman like Cameron Diaz from Very Bad Things. I don't want to be that woman...

OP, your friends don't seem like reasonable people. I don't view "missing him" as reason enough to stop him from going either - sure, I'd miss him... that doesn't mean I have the right to put my feelings before his holiday though.

And imagine if a guy didn't "allow" his girlfriend go on a girls' holiday :eek:
I have a feeling it would be viewed as bullying/abuse.

Lorrs33

Apologies, I shouldn't have used the term "allow", maybe "be OK with" instead. Of course I miss him, but god no, I would never use that as a reason to stop him going. I'm sure it will pose as a healthy break for both of us without being because we're having problems.

Two weeks is just such a long time

I would never not 'allow' my OH to do something, I'm not his keeper! As people have said, if he was going to cheat, he'd cheat regardless. Our relationship is long distance anyway, it's been 4 months since I last saw him so trust is essential.

Dudess

Lorrs33 wrote: »

Apologies, I shouldn't have used the term "allow", maybe "be OK with" instead.(

Well I know you were using the term "allow" in the context of what your friends said - so it doesn't seem like the wrong term to use at all.

Agent Smith

Lorrs33 wrote: »

My boyfriend is currently away with his friends in Salou for two weeks. Some of my friends are adamant that they would never let their boyfriends go away with just the lads, insisting "they know they can't". They're even insisting that I make sure my boyfriend never does it again. I honestly don't mind my boyfriend going away with his friends, I know them all because we went to school together. I do miss him, but I trust him completely. I'd like to hear other women's opinions on this matter. Would you allow your boyfriends/husbands to go away with his friends?

I'm not a woman, but i'll bite.

Your friends dont trust your partner going away? wow. They shouldnt let him go out on the street, because, in case they didnt know. there are women there. They shouldnt go to work or college, because, their are women there.

They are insisting that you make sure that he never does it again. Wow. you yourself sound normal, but they sound like total control freeks.

Just cause men go away, on holiday, doesnt mean they have a huge orchestrated plan to cheat on their partners.

Like really, if this was tried on myself "You cant go away with your friends, I dont trust you" I'd make like the D O double G and Drop it like its hot.

stackerman

Fink Goddie wrote: »

Yeh and anyway if he's the type that will cheat, he'll find a way to do it whether you let him go on hols with the lads or not.

Thats really all that needes to be said !

Myself and my lovely wife do what we like once suits all round, but I do have friends who's wives NEVER allow the other half away (if they do go they get the cold treatment for weeks :mad:).
People should really think about this issue BEFORE getting married. Because if the ans is - no way
then the ans to the 'Will you . . . .' question should have been NO !

Acacia

Bloody Nipples wrote: »

Grown men are not dogs to be trained and whipped in to shape, yet this is a fairly common attitude among women that really irks me.

I agree, and tbh, I find it a bit weird frankly to stop your boyfriend going away with with his friends for a holiday. I'm not his mammy, he can do what he wants without my permission. I would also find it incredibly off-putting if he was willing to ditch his friends because I threw a hissy fit about the holiday, for no good reason. I like a man with a bit of backbone!

It doesn't say much about the relationship if a girl thinks her fella can't keep his cacks on for a week if she's not around. Paranoia is not attractive!

spinandscribble

Malari wrote: »

I think some of it is self-policing. I know a few guys who always claim "the wife" won't let them go somewhere, when really they have no interest in going and it's an easy excuse.

god i hate that. my ex used to be always skint but instead of admitting it he'd claim i wouldn't let him out. i actually had his friends come up to give out to me on the street.

pikachucheeks

If I had a boyfriend, I'd let him go away with his friends, definitely.

Aside from believing time for oneself and one's friends is healthy in a relationship, I just wouldn't feel I had an authority to stop him going!

Just because you're going out with a person, doesn't mean you have any right to control them in any way,make decisions for them or tell them what they can and can't do etc!

I think if a relationship is secure and you trust the person you're with, there should be no reason for you to worry when they're on holiday with friends. Being on holiday doesn't mean a person is going to cheat on their partner!

Having a bit of time apart might actually make you appreciate each other more and your time together more.

Dragan

Lorrs33 wrote: »

"they know they can't".

I assume that is the implied "they know they can't" as in , "well, we never spoke about it because i know it makes me seem like a skittish pony".

People are funny. I'll put on a tenner on these being the same people who come out with the "I trust them, but not their friends" line.

Ghost Train

Skapoot wrote: »

Yeah, if it was with his friends I trust for a fun/cultural holiday.

Going to Amsterdam - No. :pac:

Not sure if amsterdam should be any different to any where else :pac:

Friend of mine went off to amsterdam with his friends when his wife was away, don't think she found out about it.

Not sure what the story was with that but he must have been one of these guys that "they know they can't"

Khannie

"allow"? please!

If anyone in any relationship I was ever in had ever tried to restrict me like that I would have ended it in a heartbeat.

MissFlitworth

Lorrs33 wrote: »

Would you allow your boyfriends/husbands to go away with his friends?

There's no 'allowing' about it, we both go where we want to go with who we want to go with. I'm his girlfriend, not his mammy. I'd hate to have that kind of control over an adult that he'd actually ask my permission to do something and not do it if I said no.

battser

There are a few brief things u can say to describe the women in the OP's post.

They are hypocritical
They are lacking confidence and have a self esteem problem
They are bunny boilers (childish but true)

Prob a lot of other reasons but they are the main ones I recon.

Its good to see a lot of women being open minded on here instead of being hypocrtical like the others that say they wouldn't let him go cause of the friends going excuse!! Pathetic.

No man shud stand for such BS!

LouOB

I have come across some of these women - scary, very scary
They would probably have kittens if I told them I 'allowed' my BF to go to Las Vegas, Prague and Warsaw.

When he came back from all of them I asked how many strip clubs he went to. For the crack
Bottom line
I trust him
I dont 'own' him
I am emotionally secure in my relationship and myself

skywards

Heavens yes. I'd be incredibly annoyed if I wasn't allowed to go off somewhere, there's not a snowballs chance in hell of me not "allowing" someone to go on holiday if they so choose.

I'lllearnye

I can't believe your friends are stirring things up like that! Sounds to me like a bad case of jealousy along the lines of 'How come she gets on so well with her boyfriend? And he treats her so well too!'

Tell your friends that you trust your boyfriend, he treats you the way you want to be treated, and round it off with 'Can you not be happy for me?'. Really, you shouldn't have to explain yourself (or your boyfriend), but you might have to in order to put an end to such talk.

justsomebloke

I have to say if anything I would be more pissed that my OH was probably using half their holiday allocation for going away without me meaning they weren't planning on going on holiday with me that year

This

had this discussion today with a friend, she said she would have an issue with her bf going away with a group of lads or a group of lads or girls.... i on the other hand wouldnt... and im heading away for 3 weeks with a gang of guys and girls... didnt 'ask' him, just booked and told him... all he said was 'i better get a nice present' typical!!!

allandanyways

I'd be more shocked that he actually managed to make a decision to do something rather than just saying, "I dunno, I'm not really bothered, well actually, maybe in a wee while, not sure yet..."

Lorrs33

I'lllearnye wrote: »

I can't believe your friends are stirring things up like that! Sounds to me like a bad case of jealousy along the lines of 'How come she gets on so well with her boyfriend? And he treats her so well too!'

Tell your friends that you trust your boyfriend, he treats you the way you want to be treated, and round it off with 'Can you not be happy for me?'. Really, you shouldn't have to explain yourself (or your boyfriend), but you might have to in order to put an end to such talk.

Nah, they didn't say it in a forceful way, just as a sort of matter-of-fact type thing.

The holiday was booked before we got together, so I just say that.

Dutchie_in_DUB

I think its healthy for men and women to go on their own holidays once in awhile. My boyfriend loves it when I go on my own hols cause that means that means he can go on his own with the lads too. Give eachother some freedom in the relationship and trust is what it is all about. If you would not be able to trust him to go abroad on hols, don't trust him to go to the shop on the corner I would say.

And being from Holland, what is wrong with going on hols to Amsterdam? Know the stigma the city has, but there is more to it than the wacky backy and red light district. For men to go there does not mean they will have to all that has been not legalised this this country or drop the trousers when they see women behind windows

994

Dutchie_in_DUB wrote: »

I think its healthy for men and women to go on their own holidays once in awhile. My boyfriend loves it when I go on my own hols cause that means that means he can go on his own with the lads too. Give eachother some freedom in the relationship and trust is what it is all about. If you would not be able to trust him to go abroad on hols, don't trust him to go to the shop on the corner I would say.

And being from Holland, what is wrong with going on hols to Amsterdam? Know the stigma the city has, but there is more to it than the wacky backy and red light district. For men to go there does not mean they will have to all that has been not legalised this this country or drop the trousers when they see women behind windows

I don't get this either, it's not as if marijuana and prostitutes are difficult to acquire in Ireland.