BF snapped at me

Eve_Dublin

Unregular wrote: »

You mentioned that you've been on the receiving end of violence in another relationship. I'd say the reason you're so shocked by your boyfriend's reaction is that it reminds you of situations you've been in before and you got a fright?
After eight months, however, you should have a pretty clear picture of what your boyfriend's like. Take what happened at face value-he was probably under a bit of pressure, so he snapped. I'd be more worried if he never snapped to be honest!

Hey OP. Do you think this comment might have an element of truth to it? This makes more sense to me as an explanation of your reaction. A bit like an abused puppy who has been taken in by lovely, new, caring owners but still get scared when it hears a car outside or thunder and lightening that reminds it of what it went through in the past? Sorry, another awful analogy from me there but you get the idea.

I know people suggest counselling at the drop of a hat on this forum but perhaps this is something you should consider. 8 months with no arguing is good going but in my experience, most relationships involve silly, niggly arguments with lots of insensitive and unintentional (and sometimes intentional) comments thrown back and forth sometimes and sometimes it can get more serious and perhaps you are a little sensitive. Completely understandable after going through what you've been through. I just can't see you having a hassle-free relationship for the rest of your life; all relationships go through ups and downs and this is your first taste of it. Perhaps you should deal with the pain you've gone through to equip for what will inevitably come down the line in your relationship.

Your boyfriend doesn't hate you, he's with you because he loves you. You hurt his ego a little bit and he snapped, you got upset, he apologised. Nothing untoward going on there. Sounds like any run-of-the-mill silly, forgetable argument I've had in the past. I've had some vicious dagger eyes directed at me from friends and family who love me and visa versa...I might have hated them for that second but humans are funny that way.

Eve_Dublin

sunflower27 wrote: »

Not she isnt. It's the first time - in 8 months, not 8 days - he has ever reacted like this. Getting upset seems normal. People get upset at being snapped at all the time, but when it's from someone that you've never seen react that way, then fair enough.

She got annoyed at people that posted she must have provoked him - again a normal reaction when she felt she was being criticed unfairly for something she hadn't done.

Yeah...I would agree. I always got a bit of a shock after the first argument with exes. One of my exes bit my head off over something silly after 4 months of going out. We hadn't fought 'til that point and he told me to "cop on" with the auld dagger eyes one day. I got the shock of my life..didn't expect it and like the OP, I don't think I deserved it. The difference was that I got over it after about 10 minutes. It came as a shock alright but I put it down to him having a cranky-arse human moment, nothing more. No big deal. The thing is, she's taking it a little bit to heart, particularly after he apologised (I got no apology) but see my post above.

Eve_Dublin

Yep, I doubt it as well. From where I'm standing, it sounds like he loves the bones of you. So much so that he saw he hurt you, came over and gave you a hug and apologised.

humanji

sunflower27 wrote: »

Not she isnt. It's the first time - in 8 months, not 8 days - he has ever reacted like this. Getting upset seems normal. People get upset at being snapped at all the time, but when it's from someone that you've never seen react that way, then fair enough.

She got annoyed at people that posted she must have provoked him - again a normal reaction when she felt she was being criticed unfairly for something she hadn't done.

If she can react that badly to random people on the internet making comments about her, then it's hardly suprising that she's blown the whole issue out of proportion and is doubting her relationship. As someone said before, it seems to most likely stem from a previous violent relationship(s) and she's transfering this onto her new boyfriend. This seems to be why such a minor thing can be seen by her as a major thing.

As I said, the best thing to do is talk to him about it as all anyone here can do is speculate on her current and past emotional state and her boyfriends reasons fro snapping. And since we don't have the whole story, there's little we can do.

Sephiroth_dude

Try not to take it to heart,he was probbly just having a bad day or maybe something was bothering.

John Mason

WOW

the words mountain and molehill are screaming at me and giving me dagger eyes here.

OP, you need to chillax a little, it was a harsh sentence and he probably didnt mean it come out the way it did.

BBQ's are mens things, you had the right to say the chicken isnt cooked but then again, it depends on what way you said it. may be it came out more harshly then you intend, just like his comment.

but that is all a mute point, he apolgised, said he as sorry.

now you should just forget about it and move on

Front

sunflower27 wrote: »

Oh come on, that's the point - it was totally out of character and it wasnt just a snappy comment - it was the fact he looked full of anger and hatred!

As for BBQ-ing being a man's job :rolleyes: I'm yet to see a man in Ireland cook a decent one. Cooking a BBQ twice a year does not make a man an expert :rolleyes::D

Front - go back to your cave!!

I'm in it now, BBQing dinner for the family.

Zulu

<cough>moot</cough>

Kirnsy

pink fluffy bunny wrote: »

WOW

the words mountain and molehill are screaming at me and giving me dagger eyes here.

OP, you need to chillax a little, it was a harsh sentence and he probably didnt mean it come out the way it did.

BBQ's are mens things, you had the right to say the chicken isnt cooked but then again, it depends on what way you said it. may be it came out more harshly then you intend, just like his comment.

but that is all a mute point, he apolgised, said he as sorry.

now you should just forget about it and move on

+1m

it is funny how a perfectly normal disagreement/remark/frustrated moment escalated into a thread judging both the OP and her boyf.

OP you haven't had a cross word for 8 months. well then i guess you are sorted for another 8. you need to accept that at times your relationship will be less than perfect and you will irritate each other.

However it is how you deal with these times is what defines the relationship. Don't over analyze it and just accept it for what it was. A moment that in a week should be forgotten about.

Sofiztikated

Even whispering it into his ear could have annoyed him, it'd piss me off, i know that.

I don't know you or him, but I'm guessing you annoyed him which was why he snapped, and in fairness, it wasn't much of a snap. He stopped himself, after he had reacted. He's human. It was out of his mouth before he could think, and then his brain caught up.

Just ask him, find out what it was that caused such a reaction, then come back and tell us if its over or not.

Wagon

He snapped, he apologised, he still loves you. He's a human, it's normal. Nothing to worry about.

LegacyUser

I think you're right to ask the question OP. If you have kids and you're both up to your necks in dirty nappies, sterilising bottles, running to the GP, picking up from creche...will he snap again when put under pressure. Will he become a guy who can't cope and reacts in anger to everything. You are the only one who can answer this, but it sounds to me like he felt belittled, stressed and possibly let down after all his hard work and began to lash out in anger at your comment only to realise that he was overreacting and he held back by not telling you to go forth and multiply with yourself!
Give him a break but do keep an eye open for behaviour like this again.

castle

Warning sign( do not ignore) you know what to do, or
ask him about what happened and you will not accept that type of behavior

LegacyUser

Front wrote: »

I'm in it now, BBQing dinner for the family.

LOL

OP, I can understand you being upset over it as I get slightly taken aback when anyone snaps at me, it is horrible but he has apologised and realised he was out of order, had you provoked him, he would be expecting an apology off you but he didn't. Me & my boyfriend are always bickering, we drive each other mad! hehe

dylano_k

Has the sex life died down ? 8 months is usually the stage were the GF becomes the Wife and we all know what that means, give him some head...he'll never get angry again :pac: