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Got arrested last week, friends and some family don't know about it.

  • 27-06-2009 02:41PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi all, i managed to get myself arrested two weeks ago for a serious enough incident. The only two people who know about it are my sister and mum.

    My father, all of my friends and all of my work colleagues, don't know about what happened as i have had to keep the whole thing quiet. I contacted a solicitor the day after my arrest, and he advised me not to tell these people about what happened.

    My solicitor also advised me to go for counselling which i'm doing for six sessions, (i've done two sessions already)...and this has helped matters. Also, my solicitor has told me that i won't be jailed for the incident, as i'll probably have to pay a fine and recieve a warning/caution. As i'm a first time offender this looks like being the case.

    I'm currently waiting to be summoned, which could take a while, and i'll have to take a day off work for it obviously.

    I was talking to my Dad on the phone today which was tough, and i'm getting through the working week which is tough also as i can't tell anyone.

    As i've said, the counselling is helping...and my counsellor wiil vouch for me when my case comes up.

    Do you think i'm worrying too much about everything? How would you react in my position?


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Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    You are having a very healthy reaction. Criminals don't react to breaking the law like this. Whatever you've done you are feeling the consequences and the remorse. Deal with the problem and put it behind you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,744 ✭✭✭Táck


    its hard to judge how others will react when we dont know what you did...


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭cruiser178


    John4 wrote: »
    Hi all, i managed to get myself arrested two weeks ago for a serious enough incident. The only two people who know about it are my sister and mum.

    My father, all of my friends and all of my work colleagues, don't know about what happened as i have had to keep the whole thing quiet. I contacted a solicitor the day after my arrest, and he advised me not to tell these people about what happened.

    My solicitor also advised me to go for counselling which i'm doing for six sessions, (i've done two sessions already)...and this has helped matters. Also, my solicitor has told me that i won't be jailed for the incident, as i'll probably have to pay a fine and recieve a warning/caution. As i'm a first time offender this looks like being the case.

    I'm currently waiting to be summoned, which could take a while, and i'll have to take a day off work for it obviously.

    I was talking to my Dad on the phone today which was tough, and i'm getting through the working week which is tough also as i can't tell anyone.

    As i've said, the counselling is helping...and my counsellor wiil vouch for me when my case comes up.

    Do you think i'm worrying too much about everything? How would you react in my position?
    You need to get counselling for your crime but say theres no jail time,the mind boggles:confused:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,333 ✭✭✭gaz wac


    Táck wrote: »
    its hard to judge how others will react when we dont know what you did...

    Why do we need to know what he did ? .OP if your sol thinks you wont be jailed and that you will only get a fine, you dont need to worry. Just keep the arrest to yourself, it dosent effect anyone else. Only problem that I can see, is that you cant get the cash for the fine! good luck :)

    My friend was kinda in the same situation, got into a fight, got arrested, had to go to counciling and pay a fine to charity..only three of us know....the whole gang / his family dont need to know, one mistake, drunk and stupid.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Don't give info on the arrest if you don't want to...never mind the nosey people.

    cruiser: For first-time offenders, unless we're talking an extremely serious crime, judges will simply look to see that they are getting rehabilitated in other ways and don't need to serve actual jail time. Which I presume is the reason for the counselling. Good to see that it's helping.

    Your solicitor knows best dude. If he says keep quiet about it then do so. At least until the problem goes away...then you can let any guilt out when things are resolved and the incident won't cause anyone undue stress.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭PK2008


    If you go to court the details are going to be printed in your local paper.

    If you have to go to counselling for your crime Im guessing it was something seriously inappropriate/shameful beyond the standard "driving without insurance stuff"

    Do exactly what your solicitor tells you to do, thats what you're paying them for.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭cruiser178


    leggo wrote: »
    Don't give info on the arrest if you don't want to...never mind the nosey people.

    cruiser: For first-time offenders, unless we're talking an extremely serious crime, judges will simply look to see that they are getting rehabilitated in other ways and don't need to serve actual jail time. Which I presume is the reason for the counselling. Good to see that it's helping.

    Your solicitor knows best dude. If he says keep quiet about it then do so. At least until the problem goes away...then you can let any guilt out when things are resolved and the incident won't cause anyone undue stress.
    Makes sence.I would how ever be worried about the local paper,id rather tell my family then have them read it.I konw this because it has happened to me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,683 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    Dont say it if you dont want to. theres plenty you don't talk with people about. I don't talk about what I do with a playboy magazine, why should I tell people I've been arrested if its not their problem? Unless your father etc. needs to be involved, don't involve them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,061 ✭✭✭leggo


    Makes sence.I would how ever be worried about the local paper,id rather tell my family then have them read it.I konw this because it has happened to me.

    Yes but I presume that the solicitor has dealt with a hell of a lot more, regardless of if it's happened to you or not, so would be in the best position to give advice on the matter.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    Depends on the crime really.

    If I were caught with a load of coke and got arrested, I'd probably tell my folks as even though they'd be angry intially I know they'd support me, and its always good to have the support of family.

    If it were for robbing a car I wouldn't say a thing as the only people who do such things are pure scum who don't deserve any help or support.

    As I said, depends on the crime. Do whatever feels right.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Rb wrote: »
    If it were for robbing a car I wouldn't say a thing as the only people who do such things are pure scum who don't deserve any help or support.
    Rb wrote: »
    caught with a load of coke

    Interesting viewpoint... Both the same in my eyes...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,968 ✭✭✭✭mikemac


    The local paper is going to report this.
    Just about every local paper has a "Courts Report"

    Ok, don't go around telling people but you won't be able to keep what happened to a select few.

    For now, do what your solicitor tells you


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,902 ✭✭✭✭Kristopherus


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    Interesting viewpoint... Both the same in my eyes...

    + 1. If you are a close family, I would advise you to trust them as they would you, and tell them. Why mum and not dad? They are the closest family you will ever have. Problem shared etc.etc.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    mikemac wrote: »
    The local paper is going to report this.
    Just about every local paper has a "Courts Report"

    Ok, don't go around telling people but you won't be able to keep what happened to a select few.

    For now, do what your solicitor tells you
    Firstly, thanks everybody for your replies.

    As regards the papers, my solicitor has told me that he's obviously dealt with quite a few cases where people have had the same worries..and he's managed to stop the case information coming out.

    He has said to me that once the case is resolved, it then is in the public domain, but he'll prevent information coming out as best he can.

    Also, my mother and sister have said that obviously my solicitor is going to do this for me, as he would with all of his clients.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,967 ✭✭✭✭Zulu


    Rb wrote: »
    If I were caught with a load of coke and got arrested, I'd probably tell my folks as even though they'd be angry intially I know they'd support me, and its always good to have the support of family.

    If it were for robbing a car I wouldn't say a thing as the only people who do such things are pure scum who don't deserve any help or support.

    As I said, depends on the crime. Do whatever feels right.
    Interesting. So if you're a scumbag drug dealer you'd tell your parents, but if you were a scumbag car thief you wouldn't? :confused:

    Hummf, I'd have taught that a scumbag drug dealer was more shamfull, but there you go.

    OP, your Mother knows, do you expect her to keep this as a secret from her husband for the rest of her days? If so, that's a fairly big ask that has the potential to be detrimental to their relationship. I'd consider this from her point of view for some time before making a decsion. Her relationship with her husband shouldn't be a casuality of your mistake.

    Perhaps telling your father and taking responsibilites for your actions might be the best thing to do here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,969 ✭✭✭robby^5


    Zulu wrote: »
    Interesting. So if you're a scumbag drug dealer you'd tell your parents, but if you were a scumbag car thief you wouldn't? :confused:

    He said nothing about being a drug dealer, bit of a mad assumption there.

    I think he's trying to draw a comparison to the crime being victimless (being arrested for having drugs) and the crime having a victim (robbing someones car).

    Someone using coke and someone breaking into a car... I'd be ashamed of either personally but I'd go with breaking into a car as being a truly scumbag crime whereas being nicked for having some coke is just being an idiot and harming no one burt yourself.

    But I digress...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭poss


    gaz wac wrote: »
    Why do we need to know what he did ? .OP if your sol thinks you wont be jailed and that you will only get a fine, you dont need to worry. Just keep the arrest to yourself, it dosent effect anyone else. Only problem that I can see, is that you cant get the cash for the fine! good luck :)
    ^I'd agree with that.

    Your solicitor is the legal professional here, so he knows what the likely outcome is going to be. Of course it's natural to be worried about it, but i wouldn't let it take over your life. You probably won't be summoned for weeks, probably months.

    As you're a first time offender, you will probably get a fine and be warned about your future behaviour.

    Also, the fact that you're going to counselling is going to be a positive on the day your case arrives.

    I agree with what's been said, go with what your solicitor is saying...don't tell anyone. When it's resolved, nobody will be none the wiser.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 54 ✭✭wee bey


    Well you did the right thing by going to solicitor straight away. My brother and cousin got in a nasty fight with two other lads and were arrested. Got summons for assault and d and d about 6 months later. Didn't tell their parents because one parent suffers badly from depression and didn't want to cause any stress. Anyway,went to court and solicitor assured them he'd keep it from papers and that that was the end of it.( probation act and E1000 fine each) It made front page of local paper following week and made them look like scum. Obviously seen by all and sundry! Whatever you do , you have to tell them within a few days of court date if it looks like it'll become public. These court reporters are ruthless.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭poss


    wee bey wrote: »
    Well you did the right thing by going to solicitor straight away. My brother and cousin got in a nasty fight with two other lads and were arrested. Got summons for assault and d and d about 6 months later. Didn't tell their parents because one parent suffers badly from depression and didn't want to cause any stress. Anyway,went to court and solicitor assured them he'd keep it from papers and that that was the end of it.( probation act and E1000 fine each) It made front page of local paper following week and made them look like scum. Obviously seen by all and sundry! Whatever you do , you have to tell them within a few days of court date if it looks like it'll become public. These court reporters are ruthless.
    ^Obviously the incident that you're describing above is a very serious incident of assault..which includes the probation act, in fact your brother and cousin were probably lucky that they weren't jailed.

    If you read the OP's opening post, he's saying he was involved in a 'serious enough incident' which was probably a lesser thing....sure the OP's solicitor would have told him, if his case was as serious as the one you describe above.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    leggo wrote: »
    cruiser: For first-time offenders, unless we're talking an extremely serious crime, judges will simply look to see that they are getting rehabilitated in other ways and don't need to serve actual jail time. Which I presume is the reason for the counselling. Good to see that it's helping.
    That's very true.

    As i say, when i initally contacted my solicitor, he advised me to go to counselling...he was saying that it will be a positive for me when my case comes up. As other people have said, he's the legal professional on this, so he knows the right thing for me to do.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,654 ✭✭✭cruiser178


    This is just my experience(take what you want from it),been in court 5 or 6 times,nothing too serious more of an embarrassment then anything else.
    Went into court on all occasions knowing there was no jail,just fines,bound to the peace kind of thing.Still not wanting people to know my business.Two of the cases were in the paper.The phone call from my mother i just want to forget because she read it in the paper.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    cruiser178 wrote: »
    This is just my experience(take what you want from it),been in court 5 or 6 times,nothing too serious more of an embarrassment then anything else.
    Went into court on all occasions knowing there was no jail,just fines,bound to the peace kind of thing.Still not wanting people to know my business.Two of the cases were in the paper.The phone call from my mother i just want to forget because she read it in the paper.

    Actually, my case is serious enough but embarassing for me personally.

    <mod snip: do not post about any legal advice you may have received.)


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 135 ✭✭ZappaFrank


    Bet he was caught touching kids, or expossing himself to old dears!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭poss


    ZappaFrank wrote: »
    Bet he was caught touching kids, or expossing himself to old dears!
    Somehow, i doubt it.

    You'd get more than a fine for that.:rolleyes:


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 43,044 ✭✭✭✭Nevyn


    ZappaFrank banned for a week.

    As this is pending court matter we can't permit any discussion of the ins and outs of the case.
    Any posts which try to do that will carry ban/infractions and this thread will be closed.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 78 ✭✭hungryhippo


    How were/are things with the arresting Garda? Were you abusive or resistive at the time. Have you called to the station and spoken with the garda to apologise, etc. It can count for a lot in court if you get him or her onside and show them you are a decent guy, which you seem to be and that it was out of character and won't happen again. It will make it less interesting if the Garda speaks in your favour. Presume you were drunk when the incident took place and thats why you are doing the counselling sessions? This will stand to you in court also.

    I wouldn't tell anybody else at this stage. Whether or not it makes the local paper largely depends what part of the country you are in. 95% of the cases in Dublin District court never make the papers. Court 45 & 46, etc are generally packed most morning sessions and there could be up to be 50 cases or more on in a few hours. Probably won't make the papers (Herald) unless there is something interesting/funny/unusual about the case.
    Outside Dublin, there is a stronger possibility as the local rags usually report most minor things, even drunk and disorderly. Your solicitor could probably have a word with the court reporter though, as they more than likely see a lot of each other.

    If the incident isn't serious enough to merit more than fine/probation act/poor box contribution, don't cut yourself up over it, but do learn the lesson from it. Buy the papers at the first opportunity in the couple of days after the case so you will know first if it is reported. That way you can decide to tell who you want before they see it if it is in there.

    L


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    How were/are things with the arresting Garda? Were you abusive or resistive at the time. Have you called to the station and spoken with the garda to apologise, etc. It can count for a lot in court if you get him or her onside and show them you are a decent guy, which you seem to be and that it was out of character and won't happen again. It will make it less interesting if the Garda speaks in your favour. Presume you were drunk when the incident took place and thats why you are doing the counselling sessions? This will stand to you in court also.

    I wouldn't tell anybody else at this stage. Whether or not it makes the local paper largely depends what part of the country you are in. 95% of the cases in Dublin District court never make the papers. Court 45 & 46, etc are generally packed most morning sessions and there could be up to be 50 cases or more on in a few hours. Probably won't make the papers (Herald) unless there is something interesting/funny/unusual about the case.
    Outside Dublin, there is a stronger possibility as the local rags usually report most minor things, even drunk and disorderly. Your solicitor could probably have a word with the court reporter though, as they more than likely see a lot of each other.

    If the incident isn't serious enough to merit more than fine/probation act/poor box contribution, don't cut yourself up over it, but do learn the lesson from it. Buy the papers at the first opportunity in the couple of days after the case so you will know first if it is reported. That way you can decide to tell who you want before they see it if it is in there.

    L
    I wasn't abusive when i was arrested not at all.

    As i've already said, the incident was serious enough but it was embarrasing for me. I was out on the beer the night before and i was still iffy the day of the incident, which is why i'm doing the counselling sessions, yes.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,063 ✭✭✭Greenmachine


    John4 wrote: »
    I wasn't abusive when i was arrested not at all.

    As i've already said, the incident was serious enough but it was embarrasing for me. I was out on the beer the night before and i was still iffy the day of the incident, which is why i'm doing the counselling sessions, yes.


    Don't see any reason to tell your family friends etc about the case unnessescarily. Very msart of your solicitor to suggest the counselling suggestions, but then that is waht they are paid for. Sounds like there is a good chance your case will be in the paper, butI reckon best worry about that when the time comes. You are prolly worried about what the outcome will be. It may not be as bad as you anticipate and no need to worry the family just yet.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭poss


    Sounds like there is a good chance your case will be in the paper
    Not necessarily, if the case is potentially embarassing or dangerous and could be detremental to the guy personally.. the solicitor will do everything in his power to prevent it coming out. OP's already said his solicitor has done this previously preventing other cases becoming public.

    In fact, i'm sure that the judge could even order a media gag.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 79 ✭✭poss


    Overheal wrote: »
    Dont say it if you dont want to. theres plenty you don't talk with people about. why should I tell people I've been arrested if its not their problem?
    ^I agree with that entirely.

    Do we honestly think that the majority of people would make it common knowledge that they've been arrested? No way, never.

    When you think about it, there's probably friends and family of people who've been arrested for various things, but never breathed a word about it to anyone, at the end of the day it's your private situation.

    Your solicitor is 100% correct, keep it to yourself and the family members you trust to keep quiet about it.


This discussion has been closed.
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