Wifes comments on facebook, am I wrong to be angry?

LegacyUser

the wife had business in paris, her flight had a stop in london (she couldnt get a direct flight). Her x boyfriend is in london.

She usually sends me an email with her flight details but i didnt get one so i asked her for details so i could write it down before she left but she did not give me anything (she did mention it the previous week but we were in the car and i could not write it down).

I became suspicious and checked her facbook that nite (before anyone mentions it she gave me the password ages ago). I saw she had posted a comment on the x boyfriends wall saying that she taught about him the other day and that she would be out and about in london. i then see an email from him asking when they were meeting for drinks and dancing.

i text her and said have fun in london with the ex. She text me back (yes TEXT ME?????) to say she was in paris (which was true) and that she was sick of me smothering her and that i should "be gone". She was angry but it sounded like angry she got caught. She changed her password that nite so i couldnt see her reply. She arrived home from paris next day.

She hasnt given me an explanation of the comment on his wall, she says i shouldnt be worried if other guys think shes hot and if someone says shes hot on facebook, i should be glad she loves me. She told me i shouldnt be worried about his email, i told her i wasnt worried about his it was her comment on his wall that annoyed me. She still has not explained herself.

what do you guys think???? had she planned on maybe telling me she missed her flight and had to stay in london so she could see him? what would have happened if i hadnt seen the comment and why wont she explain why she said that? was she just flirting? just trying to see his response?

aoibhebree

Well you married the woman, you're obviously going to have a better idea than anyone here if you have anything to be worried about!

If she's done nothing wrong, I'd be pretty plssed off if I was in her position and was being unfairly accused of cheating.

And really, you shouldn't have read her e-mail on facebook, even if she did give you the password. It's a violation of privacy.

SarahSassy

How do you know she actually was in Paris?

amy-marie

Personally, I would be pretty annoyed if my husband logged on the my facebook because of so called suspicions, regardless of whether I gave him the password or not. That'd be ringing major bells for me. Do you not trust her? The fact that she didn't give you her flight details so you assume the worst seems to suggest you don't. And if you haven't got trust then you haven't got much of anything really.

And passive-agressive "have fun with your ex" texts are not helping either of ye.

Maybe she and the ex are friends. It happens. Maybe she didn't tell you because this is how you react when she doesn't tell you when her flight lands so a "by the way, honey, i'm still chatting to bob," wouldn't go down very well at all.

Chill out a little. Ease up on the assumptions ("i thought of you the other day" does not equal flirting) and talk to your wife when you have an issue about something, don't snoop.

Oh The Humanity

The snooping is not good.

However, I think your wife definitely has something to hide.

How do you know she was in Paris and not in London having drinks and dancing?

helimachoptor

sounds suspicious. I mean if she's telling her ex she'll be out and about in London she obviously wants to meet up.

As said above.. how do you know she was in London.

If she has a bill phone that she pays herself and receives a paper bill/or you can view her bill online, you will be able to see what network she was on while txting/calling.

loctite

You said you became suspicious?

Trying to be objective here...

why did you become suspicious? is there something in both your pasts that would cause such? or is it just your manner personality?

Have to agree such texts def won't help, if you can't talk openly about your concerns etc your bound to have problems...

Noffles

Why did you become suspicious anyway, was it the lack of response from her?

Anyway, snooping is wrong.... but if you find something then it's still not right but ultimately justified.... her hostility sounds just like you said, as if she'd been caught... tread carefully..

Morgans

Yes, trust. Strange that she trusted you with the facebook password before, but not now.

Also, the comments regarding other lads thinking she is hot to me has very little to do with the actual issue.

Best of luck sorting it out. Try to think calmy about things and try not to do anything rash.

Mr. Presentable

Even if she couldn't get a direct flight, why would the layover in London be long enough to go for drinks, dancing?

I'd burn her passport.

Latchy

Married Guys and Gals will always recieve compliments from people OP . Friends , ex boyfriend / girlfriends ,strangers .But if your wife see's this as snooping then you both have issue to resolve .

RossFixxxed

So if you do nothing you'll worry and if you check it up you're snooping... Not a fun position.

The question to ask, as others have said: is she not trustworthy or are you that paranoid naturally? Cos you may need to 'be gone' if it's that strong!

Good luck op

Taltos

I see a few things here.

1. Why do you not trust her?
2. Why did she not tell you she might be meeting an ex?
3. What did she mean by "Its Over"

I think though you both need to step back a bit, calm down and take the emotion hat off and just talk - openly and as honestly as you can.

tbh - I would not be thrilled myself to know my wife is meeting an ex - but - and it's a big BUT - I trust her... Might not trust the ex - but I trust her...
Hence my suggestion to talking - you need to figure out why you don't - it might be you with your own issues - or it might be that you are picking up on signals that she cannot be trusted.

If you cannot talk this out and come to some sort of common understanding then why are you both together....

Please note above I never mentioned what you did to find this out or the texts you both sent. These though are also items you need to talk about.

Just be open to admitting you were wrong - and to you both having to change how you behave with each other.

LegacyUser

<Snip> personally i would react the exact same.kick her out then probably get back with her.but then again im not married and dont plan on it so complications arise you didnt say if you had kids either.its a violation of trust to be honest.and a mental headfck

LegacyUser

The OP explained quite clearly that his wife altered an establised pattern of behaviour and was then evasive, which gave rise to his supicion.

However, her text to him where she said she was sick of him smothering her and that he should "be gone" indicates this is not the first time she has felt he was checking up on her and such. However, to then tell your husband to essentially mind his own business rather than provide an explanation for her actions seems inappropriate.

Her message to the ex seems like a clear indication that she wanted to meet up with him. I can't see how that could be interpreted as an innocent action. IMO you don't flirt with an ex or arrange to meet up with them in secret if you are married and want to stay that way.

I think the OP needs to have s chat with his wife about their marriage. He obviously has suspicions and now will have them every time his wife catches a plane. Her comment that she feels his he is smothering her needs an explantion as she is obviously not happy about the OP.

Oh The Humanity

IMO you don't flirt with an ex or arrange to meet up with them in secret if you are married and want to stay that way.

Correct.

CDfm

She has a lot of explaining to do. Giving you her facebook password is like wanting to get caught in a "suicide by cop" kind of way.

Looking up her facebook is the lessor crime.

Dan Chipowski

In short, you need to consider if it's worth the hassle. Personally, I'd get rid. You're being played for a chump if she is posting that sort of stuff on facebook anyway.

Give her an ultimatum and see if that improves her behaviour, if not, you're better off without.

prinz

SarahSassy wrote: »

How do you know she actually was in Paris?

Ouch.:pac:

nipplenuts wrote: »

Even if she couldn't get a direct flight, why would the layover in London be long enough to go for drinks, dancing?

Indeed. There are direct flights to Paris from just about everywhere, so only reason I could see for the 2 leg would be a time constraint issue...... which makes me wonder why she would have time to kill on a stop-over.....

rantyface

You're both acting like teenagers.
It doesn't seem like a good marriage to me. Secrecy, keeping in touch with exes and feeling like you're being smothered on the one hand, suspiciousness and prying on the other. How long have you been going out and how soon did you get married? How long since she broke up with him?

And jesus, I only use the internet because my OH is away and I have no company at the moment. It's a bit weird and childish to actually use it as a "social networking tool".

Rb

rantyface wrote: »

It's a bit weird and childish to actually use it as a "social networking tool".

So, you're someone posting anonymously on a website in a forum dedicated to talking about peoples personal issues, calling others who use the internet for a reason different to yours "weird and childish".

Well, how normal and mature...well done there.

OP: As others have said, tread carefully. It sounds like your wife isn't being very upfront about the whole thing. The stop over is dodgy enough as is, adding in the comments and involvement of the ex who just happens to live there is pointing in a not so good direction.

There's nothing wrong with divorcing her either, you've obviously got issues in trusting her and it sounds like you've your reasons to, so staying with her doesn't seem like the path to happiness.

Also, you're an adult, don't let her talk to you that way.

LegacyUser

ok i knew i would get the "you shouldnt have snooped" response so dont bother with it again.

the reason i was suspicious is because she mentioned this guy a few times and in a heated argument motioned to the fact that he was better looking than me (she did say that i was the one she loved tho) he is 21, she is nearly 38, im 32.

She is constantly thumbin away at her phone, it is a blackberry and she has it connected to her facebook and when i was on there i saw that she gets mobile updates from this guy and this guy only, she has 250 friends on there (mostly guys)

she has got startled a few times when i walk in the room and she is using the laptop and i can hear the frantic click click click when i come in. i have also noticed her on the laptop out in the kitchen when im asleep.

she is constantly on her phone to the point where she doesnt even talk to me in the car, she just fingers away at the thing. she has also asked me when we are lying in bed to go get something or take the dogs out, when i get back shes at the phone again. She even wakes me in the morning with the phone.

she said she was changing flights in london and had an hour stop over, IT WASNT OVERNIGHT!!! she was in paris because i spoke to her to give her directions the next day.

i dont know why she would say she was "out and about in london" when she was only stopping for an hour?

i think its all suspicious which is why i checked her facebook. i tried to call her before i sent that text about "enjoy ur drinks and dancing in london" but she just TEXT me back? she also said that she knew i was looking at her FB, i think trying to make out she did it to antagonise me

LegacyUser

and for those who think its ok for a wife or husband to meet with an ex in another country for "drinks and dancing" you guys are more trusting or stupid than i am...

LegacyUser

by the way guys, she couldn't get a direct flight as its some dump outside of paris. believe me i checked and the only flight is out of London

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

I snooped on an ex - I was suspect and needed proof. He was cheating! Caught red handed and we split.

Had I not snooped I'd probably still be living with him and in denial.

I mean, he was not going toa dmit it if I asked him. He was always so dodgy with his phone - had it on silent, wouldnt leave it lying around.... this went on for a good while so I had every right to be suspect

I'm not saying we should all go around checking emails, phones every day! Once was all I needed.

And in the same situ would I do it again - damn straight I would.

Oh, he did the whole, 'I cant believe you looked at my phone.' I replied 'I cant believe you shagged your ex last weekend' :rolleyes:

I feel for you OP - her lack of respect re the facebook is outrageous!

oh my god, thats awful!!!!!!

cheaters should be strung together

CDfm

rantyface wrote: »

You're both acting like teenagers.
It doesn't seem like a good marriage to me. Secrecy, keeping in touch with exes and feeling like you're being smothered on the one hand, suspiciousness and prying on the other. How long have you been going out and how soon did you get married? How long since she broke up with him?

And jesus, I only use the internet because my OH is away and I have no company at the moment. It's a bit weird and childish to actually use it as a "social networking tool".

+1

LegacyUser

Your wife when she signed up to marriage should have realised that it is not OK to meet up with someone else for drinks and dancing if she wanted this life style she should have stayed single.

I smell a rat and when you have rats you need a rat catcher so you were right to snoop.

My advice is confront her over your issues and deal with whatever arises from that.

LegacyUser

sus-o-thewife wrote: »

she is nearly 38

She is constantly thumbin away at her phone

Don't want to pry, but you haven't mentioned kids. Could it be a she wants them and feels time is running out for her, but you don't want them kind of situation?

You make it sound as if she is very vain and is seeking male attention to stroke her ego, one mans attention not being enough. Pinch of salt required with that.

'Have' you been checking her facebook before and other stuff like that? Maybe it 'was' a trap to catch you at it, vis a vis her comment about feeling smothered.

You paint a good picture of someone up to something, but flip the coin and it could be asked if your noticing all this stuff isn't a sign you do have a paranoid personality and it has driven her to be secretive.

You and her need to talk, because we certainly aren't in any position to help.

SarahSassy

OP, she has been acting very suspiciously and the fact that she is so defensive could mean she is hiding something. I was in the same position before, with someone who was on the phone on the sly and on the net late at night and while they dont necessarily mean your wife is cheating, its not behaviour you are happy with and its making you doubt her.

Sit down and have a long talk.

LegacyUser

we dont have kids but we are trying, when she got back she said i was a d1ckhead for causing arguments? shes just making me even more mad as still has yet to explain the comment, she just keeps saying i shouldnt worry when other people find her hot???? i have tried to tell her this makes no sense but shes playing dumb...

we know each other a few years and have been married 3 months only. she said one day i do not give her enough attention and now that i do she feels smothered? i told her i didnt like her on facebook, she has pics of her with other guys which bothers me, she said she understood and would take them down, she hasnt

she also loves attention from guys, i have made it clear i hate this about her but she tells she would never cheat, i dont believe this.

there are numerous other things that bother me about her, i feel like i have made a huge mistake. We are meeting today after work to talk. i get the impression its over, specially when its so easy for her to say "be gone". anyway i think its probably best

SarahSassy

sunflower27 wrote: »

Surely she was like this before you married though. Did you think getting married would change it.

+1

ManOfMystery

You need to make it clear to your wife when you talk today that when you enter into a marriage, there are certain boundaries which should not be crossed and certain behaviours which are not tolerated.

Having an online life where she is obviously flirting and chatting in secret (and making a big issue of keeping this hidden from you) with other men is not acceptable. It would be different if it was open and harmless, but if she's keeping it secret there is a reason for hiding it from you.

There are no doubt posters on here who consider this type of titillation to be harmless but IMO if you're in a marriage, you don't even get into that situation with other people - keep that for your partner.

On the flip side of the coin, you need to reassure her that you will not go snooping on her in future and will also treat her with respect. It will take an effort from both of you.

*Page*

sunflower27 wrote: »

I snooped on an ex - I was suspect and needed proof. He was cheating! Caught red handed and we split.

Had I not snooped I'd probably still be living with him and in denial.

I mean, he was not going toa dmit it if I asked him. He was always so dodgy with his phone - had it on silent, wouldnt leave it lying around.... this went on for a good while so I had every right to be suspect

I'm not saying we should all go around checking emails, phones every day! Once was all I needed.

And in the same situ would I do it again - damn straight I would.

Oh, he did the whole, 'I cant believe you looked at my phone.' I replied 'I cant believe you shagged your ex last weekend' :rolleyes:

I feel for you OP - her lack of respect re the facebook is outrageous!

same here,
I had a really odd feeling for a few weeks about my now x so i snooped, when i noticed he was using two phones.... one of them was my old pre pay phone so i looked(that had gone missing nearly a year ago)i figured since it was my phone i had every right... and guess what, the weekends he was staying in his mums were really weekends he was staying in another girlfriends place!!! the F£$%er had two girls on the go and had a few casual shags....w@n£er....



you dont go looking without reason...

Personnally if she's jittery about something them there is something she's not telling you. she may not have done anything with anyone but she could have been simply thinking of it which is why she's saying nothing...

Also if she had an hour in london they could have met at the airport for a drink in the bar... I've done it when I have time...

VaioCruiser

sus-o-thewife wrote: »

the wife had business in paris, her flight had a stop in london (she couldnt get a direct flight). Her x boyfriend is in london.

She usually sends me an email with her flight details but i didnt get one so i asked her for details so i could write it down before she left but she did not give me anything (she did mention it the previous week but we were in the car and i could not write it down).

I became suspicious and checked her facbook that nite (before anyone mentions it she gave me the password ages ago). I saw she had posted a comment on the x boyfriends wall saying that she taught about him the other day and that she would be out and about in london. i then see an email from him asking when they were meeting for drinks and dancing.

i text her and said have fun in london with the ex. She text me back (yes TEXT ME?????) to say she was in paris (which was true) and that she was sick of me smothering her and that i should "be gone". She was angry but it sounded like angry she got caught. She changed her password that nite so i couldnt see her reply. She arrived home from paris next day.

She hasnt given me an explanation of the comment on his wall, she says i shouldnt be worried if other guys think shes hot and if someone says shes hot on facebook, i should be glad she loves me. She told me i shouldnt be worried about his email, i told her i wasnt worried about his it was her comment on his wall that annoyed me. She still has not explained herself.

what do you guys think???? had she planned on maybe telling me she missed her flight and had to stay in london so she could see him? what would have happened if i hadnt seen the comment and why wont she explain why she said that? was she just flirting? just trying to see his response?

Hi - I suggest to you that you need to reflect on what kind of relationship you want with your wife now and in the future. Do you really want to spend your life together doubting and mistrusting and trying to keep it perfect and untouched and unblemished? Personally I suggest that this can only ever have one result, and that is disappointment and even disaster. We are all human.

If you love her, I believe that you should step back and accept her for what she is. You should NOT violate her privacy, and you should ease up on the demand for her flight info. You should accept what she says to you and what she tells you now and later on and if it is important to her she will tell you.

If we start down the road of investigation and suspicion - no one is perfect and no one has an empty closet. You may be the one next time to have little secrets that you may well feel are minor and don't feel the need to disclose.

Perfection is for romance novels.

Be happy. Don't obsess.

All the best.

LegacyUser

sus-o-thewife wrote: »

we dont have kids but we are trying

i shouldnt worry when other people find her hot????

she also loves attention from guys, i have made it clear i hate this about her but she tells she would never cheat, i dont believe this.

there are numerous other things that bother me about her, i feel like i have made a huge mistake. We are meeting today after work to talk. i get the impression its over, specially when its so easy for her to say "be gone". anyway i think its probably best

You do make it sound as if she really has little interest in a monogamous relationship. In your position, I would be thinking it was over too.

She is right you shouldn't worry when other men find her hot, but her engaging in behaviour where she seems to be clandestinely seeking male attantion and affirmation that she is hot, should and would be a worry to most men.

There is a huge difference between a woman being admired in the normal course of events and her actively engaging in flirting behaviour outside a marriage designed to attract attention and garner compliments.

prinz

sus-o-thewife wrote: »

he is 21, she is nearly 38, im 32.

How long have you been together, if he is the ex- ?

helimachoptor

prinz wrote: »

How long have you been together, if he is he ex- ?

+1... thats quite an age difference.. but maybe it was a mistype and the OP meant 31?

LegacyUser

helimachoptor wrote: »

+1... thats quite an age difference.. but maybe it was a mistype and the OP meant 31?

no not a mistype, he is 21 and she is nearly 38, im 32

we have been together a year and married 3 months, yes i know things happened really fast.

never got the full story on her and the ex, from what i gather she wanted to settle down have a baby etc but he probably had more sense than me and plus 21 is way to young for that with a 38 year old

helimachoptor

sus-o-thewife wrote: »

no not a mistype, he is 21 and she is nearly 38, im 32

we have been together a year and married 3 months, yes i know things happened really fast.

never got the full story on her and the ex, from what i gather she wanted to settle down have a baby etc but he probably had more sense than me and plus 21 is way to young for that with a 38 year old

Op not sure what to say really. To me it seems obvious she wants to hook up with this guy. It seems from her reply that you were/are getting on her nerves. Maybe she feels you two rushed into a marriage and now she feels like she's missing out on being single.

liah

Sounds like she's completely in love with him, but is with you because there's a greater possibility that you'll have children, which won out in her mind. She probably never moved on from him and only left him out of necessity, meaning she's probably still harbouring feelings for him.

Either way it's a lethal situation to be on and honestly it doesn't sound like you two are suited to each other.. ending it might be something you'd want to be seriously looking into.

Alfasud

Looks like the recession hasn't hit her yet. She might be glad to stay at home. Theres too much emphasis on social network sites.:rolleyes: She must have plenty of time on her hands.

LegacyUser

liah wrote: »

Sounds like she's completely in love with him, but is with you because there's a greater possibility that you'll have children, which won out in her mind. She probably never moved on from him and only left him out of necessity, meaning she's probably still harbouring feelings for him.

To be honest, it sounds like she is mostly in love with herself. I think you are mostly right about her wanting to have children, except I would hazard a guess that she was looking to have them by the ex and pass them off as the OP's.

Optimus Caesar

sus-o-thewife wrote: »

she also loves attention from guys, i have made it clear i hate this about her but she tells she would never cheat, i dont believe this.

This to me is the most important thing you have typed. If you cannot trust your wife, what is the point of remaining in the relationship. I don't say that lightly but if I was in a situation where I could not trust my wife, I really don't think I'm the type of person who could live like that.

I wish you all the best. Good luck to you whatever happens.

LegacyUser

Optimus Caesar wrote: »

This to me is the most important thing you have typed. If you cannot trust your wife, what is the point of remaining in the relationship

i did trust her until this pathetic behaviour on her facebook. everything was fine until about 4 weeks ago, she started bringing up something i had done before we got married i didnt cheat or beat her or anything but i did treat her badly. I had apologised and had proved to her i was sorry, later we got married. Now i wondered why she was bringing this up again when i taught we had got past it, thats when i noticed her behaviour with her phone and on the laptop, i checked her facebook back then and noticed her ex was now single again. i knew he had been with someone long term. then when i saw her comment on his wall i felt she had planned on meeting him.

i know they both talk about relationships etc, i feel she has still got feelings for this guy, i dont understand when she says she loves me? anyway i could be here all day typing about her, the ex is only a tiny little part of it all.

anyways i meet her soon to talk

puglover

OP, I'd like to try and be the voice of reason here because I think alot of people are jumping to conclusions.

Do you think there is a possibility that because you don't not trust your wife, that your perception of her activities could be slightly scewed. I mean, if she was constantly flirting with other guys on facebook do you think she would do it while sitting in the car next to you?


From what I can see in your first post this is what happened.

1) Wife went to France
2) You got paranoid & decided to do a bit of snooping & saw she was in contact with an ex
3) He had left a message sayin WHEN am I taking you out drinking. the when indicated that they had no plans made.
4) You jumped to the assumption there was something suspicious here.
5)This aggravated your wife


.... it escalated from there

She is obviously an outgoing and flirty person, she would have been that way when you met and married her.

TBH to me it looks like you have a problem and you're trying to justify the snooping, jumping to conclusions and childish reaction by coming up with all these examples of times where you think she was up to something.

I'm not convinced, there is nothing that couldn't easily have an innocent explanation in any of your posts.

LegacyUser

There are probably a dozen flights between dub and paris each day.Anyone having to go through London is lying.

Rb

Could she be freaked out about her age (since she's been with two significantly younger men) and be trying to act "young" and "hip" and "sex and the city"?

I don't know much about women that age, to be quite honest.

With that being said, OP you're 32, have plenty of time left and deserve a better woman. She, on the other hand, is running out of time to conceive and she's not going about it the right way, by messing you around and contacting some child she's hoping will give her attention (although who will insta-dump her when something young and pretty comes his way).

You're only together a year, have no children etc so divorcing won't be messy.

VaioCruiser

Optimus Caesar wrote: »

This to me is the most important thing you have typed. If you cannot trust your wife, what is the point of remaining in the relationship. I don't say that lightly but if I was in a situation where I could not trust my wife, I really don't think I'm the type of person who could live like that.
.

Yes - if he cannot control his wife then dump her ! - How dare she enjoy attention from guys . . I mean how disgusting and outrageous is that ! She should be so delighted that he chose to marry her that she should stop ever thinking about other men or enjoying their attention or anything !! And imagine... meeting a man for drinks and dancing ... she MUST be in love with him !!!

I think she should seriously consider why she is married to a guy who snoops through her personal documents and places and smothers her with restrictions and suspicion. That's not love, it's possessiveness. He should get a pet dog instead.

imokyrok

Frankly you both sound like a pair of kids who need your heads knocked together. Bad enough you jump into marraige after just 9 months but now you want to jump back out again 3 monts later at the first hiccup!

And I can't believe so many posters are egging you on to do just that. I swear this country gets more like the US every day. At least make the effort to see a relationship counsellor before you give up so easily. If you choose not to then never get into a permanent relationship again because they are bloody hard work. The honeymoon only lasts so long.

dumbyearbook

Thats a mad age difference a 38 married woman facebooking a 21 year old?
If it was a 38 year old married man........etc. i dont usually post here OP but anyways i wouldnt focus too much on the most recent events as its built up to this the general vibe here is enough imo.

C'mon age is just a number blah blah but thats just not on and to make it worse she is married too? ffs OP strap on a pair and tell her this sort of thing is just a joke and you know in your heart she is filling you with silly stories and excuses shes a bluffer that cant grow up. She aint gettin any younger either and she knows it probbably making here seek male attention more.

The pictures on her facebook of her with other guys I would expect her to have the common sense to remove these once ye were married at least (if it was me once she was my gf they would have to be gone!) - but instead she has to be asked? thats just a load of rubbish she cares more about nice pics on her facebook than how it might hurt you, she sounds like the most selfish yoke ever, let her flirt and party etc and once her looks fade she'll be alone, id tell her to cop on or thats it, you got married fairly quick it takes a year to get to know someone imo.

Oh and one more thing tell her to put out the flamin bins herself !!

LegacyUser

...I agree with the post above, that a lot of people on here are jumping to conclusions very quickly. I just wanted to tell you my experience, about snooping.

I started snooping on my (now) ex when I was at a kinda low point, feeling depressed and anxious. I'd gained some weight, our sex life had gone down hill, etc. I got into his email and looked through it. Discovered that nothing was going on at the time, but he had cheated on me several times at the start of our relationship.

It devastated me, but since it was almost 2 years ago at that stage, and only at the start of our relationship when (I suppose) we hadn't explicitly stated that we were exclusive (though I thought we were), I decide to try to forgive and forget. It was hard, but I tried.

However, the trust between us had been destroyed. Partly by me uncovering his lies (as I had asked him about this in the past and he denied it) and partly due to me snooping in his email.

Subsequently, he started logging into my emails / facebook etc. I was in touch with an ex in an entirely platonic way - both of us were in relationships and used to talk about it - but still using vaguely flirty language, i.e. calling each other sweetie, ending the email with 'x' etc. I absolutely maintain that this was NOT cheating on my ex, it was simply the way my ex and I spoke to each other - neither of us were interested in rekindling anything between us. However, when my current boyfriend of the time saw these messages, he freaked out.

Long story short, after various back and forths on this issue, we broke up. The last few months of our relationship were horrible, full of suspicion and very little love.

My point is, once the trust is gone, your relationship is on very shaky ground. You're both going to have to work hard to get it back again.