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Invited to a christening

  • 16-06-2009 04:56PM
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,794 ✭✭✭


    Not really sure of the best place to put this...

    I've been invited to a christening, its 40 miles from were I live and on a saturday morning. The childs father is a good friend but i dont buy all the church BS, he has made it known in less than subtle ways that he "expects" everyone at the church.

    3 Options as I see it

    1. Go and put up with it
    2. Turn up at the drinkies afterwards
    3. Dont go

    Three things that bug me are firstly, he expects everyone to show up at the church, at his recent wedding he said beforehand anyone who doesnt turn up at the church need not bother coming to the reception
    Secondly he's into the religious stuff and that fine for him, but i get the feeling its being shoved down my throat. Finally its bugging the crap out of me that I am letting something like this bug the crap out of me!

    Opinions please fellow boardises


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,202 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Prob whatever option does the least amount of damage to your friendship...does he know your views on the Church BS?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I would say to go to the whole thing. I know you're not into the whole Mass thing but HE IS. It's his child's christening so you should make the effort if he's your friend. If he's not, then don't bother but this is obviously something that matters to him so just get through it. That's what friends are there for after all. When it's your child you can decide not to go to the church!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,976 ✭✭✭✭humanji


    It sounds like you're just being selfish. It's not about you at all. It's about the parents and the child. They wanted to share a special occasion with you, so the least you can do is turn up. And besides, christenings are fairly short affairs.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,740 ✭✭✭whippet


    Nuttzz wrote: »

    I've been invited to a christening,


    i dont buy all the church BS,


    Opinions please fellow boardises

    why would you bother celebrating a christening if you don't believe in it? Or do you just want a piss up.

    A Christening is a religious cermony, if you are not in to it, don't go ... but it is a bit rich wanting to use it as an excuse for drinks and a party.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,794 ✭✭✭Nuttzz


    whippet wrote: »
    why would you bother celebrating a christening if you don't believe in it? Or do you just want a piss up.

    A Christening is a religious cermony, if you are not in to it, don't go ... but it is a bit rich wanting to use it as an excuse for drinks and a party.

    Neither I have no interest in going, nor on going on the piss,

    He knows my views on the church, i think thats why he is being so overt about it.

    Finally I suppose I dont see it as a special occasion...


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,202 ✭✭✭partyguinness


    Ok, you dont see it as a special occasion. But what is the day about..You or the child/friends family? The occasion is not about you. f you feel that strongly then dont go and explain it to him


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,883 ✭✭✭shellyboo


    Yeah, OP, I think you're being pretty selfish. My birthday isn't a special occasion for anyone but me - but I still expect friends and family to celebrate it with me.

    If you don't believe in all the Church stuff, what's the big deal to go and sit there for an hour to support him? The day is not about you and your beliefs, whatever they may be. Your friend is having a celebration for his new baby, and whatever form that celebration takes, you should go to support him and celebrate too imo.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    just go, do it for your mate. I've often had to go to things like this even though everyone knows I'm not into all the church crap, but i go for their sake. Just do what i do, go in,sit down, and tune out. Take a Homer Simpson moment where his brain says "you can stay but im outta here":D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,772 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    I think go, you can sit towards the back of the crowd and not actively participate, just be there.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,078 ✭✭✭onemorechance


    Since he places such importance on the Church part of the day, then you need to decide how much importance you place on him.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 129 ✭✭mbren


    I don't mean to be harsh Op, but would it really hurt you to sit in a church for 35 minutes?? It's a big day for your friend and you should be happy that he wants you to be part of it. Just let it in 1 ear and out the other!!

    I'm not one bit religious and I despise the Catholic church but sometimes in life you have to do things that you don't want to. I was actually at my nephew's christening last Saturday and I got through it, even though I could think of a million places i'd rather be!

    Just get on with it and be grateful that these occasions are few and far between.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 467 ✭✭aoibhebree


    Either go to the whole thing, including the church ceremony, or go to none of it.
    Nuttzz wrote: »
    at his recent wedding he said beforehand anyone who doesnt turn up at the church need not bother coming to the reception

    I completely agree with him on that - I'd be furious if someone didn't go to my wedding but turned up for the free food after unless they had a very good reason!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Nuttzz wrote: »
    Neither I have no interest in going, nor on going on the piss,

    He knows my views on the church, i think thats why he is being so overt about it.

    Finally I suppose I don't see it as a special occasion...
    You're not going for the religion, you're going for your mate. If he was having a secular naming ceremony and someone who was religious refused to go, what would you think of them? Not a lot, I suspect. How are you different?

    So go; as has been suggested, your reasoning is remarkably self-centred.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,794 ✭✭✭Nuttzz


    shellyboo wrote: »
    Yeah, OP, I think you're being pretty selfish. My birthday isn't a special occasion for anyone but me - but I still expect friends and family to celebrate it with me.

    I find that statement rather ironic, i'd like my family/friends to celebrate my birthday or special occasions with me, but i certainly wouldnt expect it of them....
    If he was having a secular naming ceremony and someone who was religious refused to go, what would you think of them? Not a lot, I suspect.

    If they didnt want to go then its up them.


    Its a mute point anyway as Mrs N has the final say....

    Oh and I just got another email from him this time with some bank details if I wanted to give a "gift of cash for xxxxx (his sons) future". I sh1t you not.

    /edit perhaps he's reading this and taking the pi$$ out of me!!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19,976 ✭✭✭✭humanji


    Well asking for cash is a bit rich, especially the times that are in it.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,794 ✭✭✭Nuttzz


    humanji wrote: »
    Well asking for cash is a bit rich, especially the times that are in it.

    the wedding was the same, he sent back some gifts he received and got store credits for them instead.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,122 ✭✭✭✭Wishbone Ash


    aoibhebree wrote: »
    I'd be furious if someone didn't go to my wedding but turned up for the free food after ...
    In fairness, most people give much more than the value of the food.

    Lots of people didn't show up for the church service at our marriage. It's a bit annoying but a sign of the times I suppose.

    Nuttzz wrote:
    Oh and I just got another email from him this time with some bank details if I wanted to give a "gift of cash for xxxxx (his sons) future". I sh1t you not.
    So much for your friend being into religion!!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    A christening is really about showing of a child to the "community". These days friends matter as much as a community and church members have church going and non going friends.

    The invite is because you are important to your friend as part of his "community".

    So it depends on how much you value your friendship whether or not you go. If you value it you will grin and bear it -then again if you have strong reservations which otherwise would mar the occasion make your polite excuses and give a small non monetary gift.

    EDIT - the bank details are a hoot.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,394 ✭✭✭ManOfMystery


    It's only a few hours of your life and will mean a lot to your friend - don't be so selfish. He's not exactly asking for much from you asides from your attendance, I'm surprised it even warranted a thread on here.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,085 ✭✭✭Xiney


    The bank details bit is extremely tacky.

    I'd be sorely tempted to make them a gift of Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette (or whatever its equivalent is on this side of the pond)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 773 ✭✭✭Barracudaincork


    I would go if i was you, he isnt asking much of you IMO, if he asked you to be godparent then of course you have every right to say no as you dont buy into the whole religion thing.

    Re the bank account, given as your a bloke he may be thinking you (along with others) dont know what to get as a present etc so this was an open suggestion, albeit cheeky. Do what you feel, get a present, or dont, give money, or dont, thats up to you, it shouldnt be a big deal to him what you do, if this christening is all about what he claims it to be, religion.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 78,772 ✭✭✭✭Victor


    Nuttzz wrote: »
    Oh and I just got another email from him this time with some bank details if I wanted to give a "gift of cash for xxxxx (his sons) future".
    Operative word "if"?

    Its possible everyone got that e-mail.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,794 ✭✭✭Nuttzz


    Victor wrote: »
    Operative word "if"?

    Its possible everyone got that e-mail.

    I got it so did his sister, 2 bothers and another friend, its a bit of a loaded question..."if you would like to give a cash gift for ...... then his special bank details are.....sort code...account number....branch..."

    When he was getting married all he told us one night (with drink) all he was interested in was "cash or vouchers"

    Reading this he sounds worse than he really is....:o
    I'm surprised it even warranted a thread on here.
    You're probably right but it was either here or after hours and there is only so many "yore ma" posts i can read :)


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Nuttzz wrote: »
    When he was getting married all he told us one night (with drink) all he was interested in was "cash or vouchers"

    You have no idea how common this is and I see nothing wrong with it, at least he was honest. A lof of people getting married these days already have their house and everything in it. They don't want multiple picture frames, candle holders, toasters and other kitchen stuff. Cash (or vouchers) make sense as it can help the couple out a lot more than a present they don't need.

    The bank account is a nice idea for the child. I have a post office account in my nephews name that I put money into every month and he'll get it when he's 18. There have been occassions when he was small that other family members added to it instead of buying him big presents that would be wasted. As someone else mentioned, maybe your friend was trying to help you out in the present stakes (you wouldn't have turned up without a gift for the baby would you?) and this way you know its being put aside for the baby and not going into your mates wallet.

    I don't see how your friend is forcing the religious aspect down your throat. He's made it clear that he'd like you at the ceremony and not just the session afterwards. That's perfectly reasonable. You're his friend are you not? Surely you should be willing to celebrate his new arrival in the way he wishes. If it's a case that you want no part of it then simply don't go. You're coming across a little self-absorbed here. Think about what your friend wants, its a day for him and his family and he's asked that you help him celebrate.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 17,485 ✭✭✭✭Ickle Magoo


    You should go.

    I think you should view it as as you would church wedding or funeral - then it becomes an event to show affection and support to your friend while witnessing a religious ceremony he and his family are a part of, rather than viewing it as a religious ceremony you are in.

    The bank a/c e-mail is a bit presumptuous on one hand but on the other it means those not sure what to get have an easy option in the present buying stakes as well as trying to ensure they are not walking around with money stuffed envelopes on the day.

    If he's your friend he should get your support and the benefit of the doubt re his motives, surely?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,138 ✭✭✭Gregor Samsa


    whippet wrote: »
    why would you bother celebrating a christening if you don't believe in it? Or do you just want a piss up.

    A Christening is a religious cermony, if you are not in to it, don't go ... but it is a bit rich wanting to use it as an excuse for drinks and a party.

    Well, we just had a non-religious "naming party" for my daughter on Saturday, and I certainly expected my good friends and family to show up - even the religious ones who I know were disappointed that it wasn't a christening (although none of them said anything like that, and all really enjoyed the day).

    I'm as strong an atheist as I've met, and I'd have no problem going to a christening (I was at one the weekend before last). It would be different if I was asked to be godfather (I'd politely decline) - but I don't see any issue with just being there to celebrate something that a good friend sees as important.

    I'm certainly glad that my religious family (and some of them are very religious) weren't so close minded as to boycott our event at the weekend.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,006 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP,

    Why dont you do what you want, and if you feel you want this person to become more of an acquaintance than a close friend then, make your excuses and dont go, maybe you feel you have grown out of this friend and dont have as much in common anymore.

    it happens, if you think he is going to carry on this type of behaviour and you dont like it then maybe you should change how close you are?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Splendour


    I am a Christian but if a friend of mine asked me to a Buddhist or Muslim ceremony I would still go along even though I may not agree with it.

    However, I do have a problem going to Christenings of people who don't necessarily believe in it but rather go ahead with the ceremony because it's 'the done thing'. At least, you say, your friend seems to really believe in this.
    I find the idea of him emailing bank account details very unsavoury though. I don't think he should put people on the spot like that. I personally would not give the child money but would purchase a SMALL token.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,148 ✭✭✭mehfesto2


    You say 'he's into religion and all that', or something like that, but does he go weekly?

    I mean does he go regualarly to the extent that the Baptism would be an important day for him (in a spiritual sense), or is it just something he's putting gravitas on because he wants to make the day 'special' for the family?

    I wouldn't be arsed going to a baptism for a child that'd never set foot in a church until his/her communion. Marriages celebrate a couples love etc. etc., but a Christening is only important if it means something religious, imo.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,770 ✭✭✭Bottle_of_Smoke


    The church isn't all bad. Get to chat to people before and after and then laugh about the 200-year old quirky priest later on.

    You're an atheist/agnostic, not a member of the f*cking Orange Order! go for your mate.

    I do think the bank account for his son is taking the piss so make sure you get him a physical gift that he won't be able to return.


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