What's it like to be in your 30s?

waitinforatrain

What's it like to be in your 30s? I just started a "real" job as a software developer and everyone is 10+ years older than me, married with kids etc.

I'm surprised at how much people seem to care about their jobs. While I spend half the day on facebook etc, they just seem to work consistently from 8 to 5. I just don't see where they get the motivation to care.

I love programming, and I assume they do too, but the software the company makes doesn't really matter, I can't see any sort of potential sense of "life purpose" in doing this work, yet they seem to be motivated to do it with such persistence and enthusiasm.

So I'm curious to know, what changes between your 20s and 30s? How can anyone pretty much commit themselves to doing the one thing for the rest of their lives in the same place, especially if that one thing isn't going to make any sort of dent on the world? The thought of spending the rest of my life doing this scares the ****e out of me, not becuase I don't enjoy it, but I can't see why anyone would be so tied down to the one place.

Please don't think I'm trying to criticise people here. I'm asking on the net because it's rude to ask in real life. I ask because there's a lot of things I didn't know when I was 15/16 that I know now, but could have saved myself the hassle by simply asking.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

waitinforatrain

methinks I just got served...

donegalfella

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

And such a person has possibly realised that "making a dent in the world" or achieving their "life purpose" is not limited to their career.

As the French say:

Il faut travailler pour vivre, et non vivre pour travailler
(Live not to work, but work to live)

topper75

waitinforatrain wrote: »

So I'm curious to know, what changes between your 20s and 30s?

Nothing changes, if you don't want it to.

I'm in my mid-30s but could have written your post pretty much!:pac:

I never 'got' serious people either. To me, the career-orientated types always seem to miss the point of life. Whoever is going to think on their death bed - "Gee, you know, I wish I spent more time in work"?!

I suppose I do feel guilty at times about slacking off, but much of my opinion is coloured by a constant awareness of how short life is, and also having witnessed real hard workers get the boot with me just the same in past redundancies.

It doesn't help much if the work you do is not critical or you do not see anyone benefitting from it, which alas is currently the case with my role and seemingly yours.

I have a longterm girl. We may well get married actually really soon and have kids. Neither of us are tied to a location though and I don't think fear of not being able to provide for kids is the best motivation for anyone in a workplace to be honest. I hope neither of us end up in that hole. One thing I am glad of is not borrowing during the Tiger years or being too materialistic. That messed it up for a few of my friends. You think you own 'stuff' - but the stuff really owns you!

Much of work is a game anyway: jumping through hoops, avoiding conflict, keeping people happy, being seen to be busy, and not drawing unnecessary attention to yourself. All to keep the dosh rolling in to finance your 'real life'.

Beth1978

Wow...I know you came on here to ask this question because you didn't want to be rude in asking people in the real world as such...but wow! Do you know what I would give to be in your shoes right now? To be in a paid job with other people who are working hard? I would give anything!! I know everyone is saying it but you truly are lucky to have a job right now and I'm thinking maybe you should have a good long hard think about that and what it would be like if you were on social welfare tomorrow. I was brought up to work hard no matter what job you are doing and I've taken that on board since my first job. Do you not feel a sense of guilt when you're on facebook and should be working instead? I'm not saying that we all don't take a few minutes out of our day to do something personal in work but to exploit that is making fun of yourself and the people you work for. It kind of shows a lack of respect. I just appreciate those that employ me and feel I owe it to them to work my hardest.

I hope that doesn't come across as rude, its just my opinion. I guess it's got alot to do with your values and what you believe in. I have a mortgage but no partner or kids....but that doesn't mean I don't work hard. Personally, my dent in the world as such is being a good person who works hard. I don't think you have to be a rocket scientist to say you did something great in this world.

Tim Robbins

waitinforatrain wrote: »

So I'm curious to know, what changes between your 20s and 30s? How can anyone pretty much commit themselves to doing the one thing for the rest of their lives in the same place, especially if that one thing isn't going to make any sort of dent on the world? The thought of spending the rest of my life doing this scares the ****e out of me, not becuase I don't enjoy it, but I can't see why anyone would be so tied down to the one place.

I think everyone is being a bit hard on the OP.

I remember when I was 22 going for an interview for a company and thinking man that place is boring. I worked there for 7 years. Had some great times there. Made some great friends but a lot of it was also very boring.

The current place I am in for five years. Everyone stares at their PC the entire day and you have the occasional bit of banter or chat at the coffee machine. In some respects it a lot worse than the first place.

This is IT. Get yourself a more interesting career if you can.

I've thought about jumping ship into something a few times but the more I think about other careers, teaching, law they seem even worse.

Or just far fetched. A chat show host.

My advice to you mate is keep questioning and if you find something more congenial to who you are - go for it. There are some people wh omake loads of money and love their jobs. They are few and far between. In my life experiences though (especially looking at faces on the train) most people hate their jobs.

I try to make for it by having a wide range of hobbies that are unrelated to my IT job. IT is a very hard place to be if you are in anyway at all outgoing. It's suited to introverts more than extroverts.

Wibbs

Well I'm in my 40's(just:)) and I never got the whole work for someone else to make them money so they can have the freedom to enjoy time, the most finite of things. That's me though. Many want the 9 to 5 as it's much less pressure. Regardless it's much worse to sit in a job for year after year like being in school in double french looking out the window waiting for the time for the bell tick slowly away.

Now that's real easy to say as I have no kids and my financial responsibilities are manageable. That much I did plan.

If you do have a family you work for them. It's a whole different ballgame. That's why they work so hard, they're working for more than them. But you don't yet, you're young and this is a time for you to explore something that will make you more content in yourself. That requires work too of course otherwise you could turn around and be 50 looking at facebook and wondering where your life went.

Maybe consider another career. Ones I thought I wanted at your age owuld have little to recommend to me now. Explore the world while you can. Explore yourself too.

DublinWriter

waitinforatrain wrote: »

What's it like to be in your 30s? I just started a "real" job as a software developer and everyone is 10+ years older than me, married with kids etc.

I'm surprised at how much people seem to care about their jobs. While I spend half the day on facebook etc, they just seem to work consistently from 8 to 5. I just don't see where they get the motivation to care.

You'd be amazed how much a motivation having kids and a mortgage is!

Being in your 30's in being mature enough to know that most companies do check the web browsing habits of their employees.

Tim Robbins

DublinWriter wrote: »

You'd be amazed how much a motivation having kids and a mortgage is!

Being in your 30's in being mature enough to know that most companies do check the web browsing habits of their employees.

One thing that I find really interesting about the work force is that the people who get the top positions are the ones who are usually the most hungry for it and have machiavellian traits whereas at school the top of the class were generally the ones with the most brains.

If you were to do IQ tests of anywhere I'd work there'd be no correlation between salary and score.

You can meet some incredibly intelligent people in IT but they have no motivation to play the politics game to make more money and would rather play a game of chess.

I think the thirty period is different for everyone. From my close friends we all have very different lives and very different goals for the future, when we were virtually identical in purpose in our 20's.

I've never been very interested in having loads of money or status, and that hasn't really changed. I still look to be comfortable in life, and I don't seek to sacrifice my health/life to establish myself. Other people do, and that has been their choice. I never really wanted relationships having enjoyed being single, but I've since gotten a taste, and I want more.

For me the thirties brought acceptance. Acceptance of my family, since I could start putting away the issues I had gained through childhood/teens either real or imagined. Acceptance of myself, since I didn't really care any more what other people thought of my life. (While I previously felt that way, the amount of time I spent rebelling kind of made a joke of such a previous acceptance). Acceptance of other people. I could take other peoples actions towards me either intentionally or subconsciously and move on. Basically, I could now understand that the world didn't revolve around me.

My 30's opened the world to me. While in my 20's I traveled Europe, in my 30's I lived in Australia and Asia. I was in an environment that was constantly different to what I had lived in before, and I loved every second of it. China was probably the greatest experience, and I changed more during my time there than any other period in my life.

My 20's were about learning about new things. About education, and work. About NLP, Hypnosis, and self-help. About lapdancing clubs, prostitutes, party girls, drugs, and fighting. My 30's have been about growing more comfortable with myself, and meeting women who have genuine meaning in my life. Its also about putting away the toys of the 20's, and enjoying other things, although I do love to get stoned every now and again.

My 30's have also been the period where I shelved my job as a credit controller which I had done for over 10 years, and finally started looking for the job I wanted to do. I've become more professional, and interested in the type of work I do, whether it is as an English teacher, a salesperson, a kitchen washer, or whatever else that comes across my path that I wish to do.

For me, my 30's have brought freedom. I'm thoroughly enjoying my 30's and I'm not afraid to experience my 40's. I wouldn't have said that when I was in my 20's thinking about my 30's.

lol. Hope that helps somewhat. Good question, btw, although as others have posted, it could have been phrased a bit better.

metrovelvet

Your 20s are full of poetry and the world is full of possibility. You may have had one maybe two heartbreaks and your dreams are still full of dance and color.

In your 30s your world shrinks. Your choices have caught up with you. You feel more acutely the pinch of the golden handcuffs. Deaths shadow gets steeper and money becomes more important because as your body declines its demand for less stress increases and illness is ever more likely. Your dreams sober up and fear insidiously runs your life.

Red Hand

metrovelvet wrote: »

Your 20s are full of poetry and the world is full of possibility. You may have had one maybe two heartbreaks and your dreams are still full of dance and color.

In your 30s your world shrinks. Your choices have caught up with you. You feel more acutely the pinch of the golden handcuffs. Deaths shadow gets steeper and money becomes more important because as your body declines its demand for less stress increases and illness is ever more likely. Your dreams sober up and fear insidiously runs your life.

Wow! Lets get the potassium cyanide laced Kool-aid out! Only kidding...though I'd be nervous of what your characterisation of the 40s and 50s would be like, creative though as the above post was.

I guess in some ways I'd be like the OP too....except I don't go on facebook or boards during work, and I do as much work as I can while I'm there (science based). I too am in my 20's and wonder what impact another 20, 30, 40 years of such a job would have on me. Earning money to buy sh*t I don't need to impress people I don't like?:pac: In a job I don't especially like. I don't know.

The people above me like Wibbs have suggested to find something you love doing and then make a career out of it, but there is little I'm sufficiently good or talented at to do that at the moment, though I try my best to keep up with hobbies and stuff.

I guess people like me without specific career/lifestyle goals, solve the void by having children? Handily shovelling 'purpose' onto the next generation, and thus also providing a reason to work like crazy 8-6 for one's family.

metrovelvet

Ageing sucks.

But it doesnt mean you have to stay stuck in the same life path.

In your twenties youre still very focused on meaning. But as you get older it seems to matter less as you accept there may be none.

Do you think youll find your destiny on facebook or are you just finding a way to pass the hours? That is what life is, what we do with our time and we organise the hours in all sorts of ways. My sense is youre bored, a privalege of the young.

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote: »

In your 30s your world shrinks. Your choices have caught up with you. You feel more acutely the pinch of the golden handcuffs. Deaths shadow gets steeper and money becomes more important because as your body declines its demand for less stress increases and illness is ever more likely. Your dreams sober up and fear insidiously runs your life.

Strange.. the world opened up for me when i hit my thirties. No longer did I feel that i was confined to Irish or Western culture. There was no longer the dubious focus on drinking for socialising and people I met were more informed about everything. I'm constantly amazed at the level of intelligent conversations which I'm getting these days.

The only aspect of growing older that I could possibly agree with you is the awareness of time. In my 20's I felt immortal and never really believed that I would get older. Now, I'm very much aware of time, and the differences in perception of the world between the 20's & 30's. So there's perhaps more pressure on me to experience new situations while I'm younger, than I previously would have felt.

But then again, everyone experiences different lives, and their perceptions of their own lives differ greatly depending on the person, and what they want from life.

Paulj

I'm in my mid 20's and working in IT for the last 3 years. I don't agree with the poster earlier that said its more suited to introverts. Maybe it varies a lot from company to company. I've met some great people through my job that i would certainly not consider introverts.

Also, i found that when i started the job you really know a lot less than others there so it can be easy to find time for browsing facebook/boards etc. But as you stay there a while longer your position and responsibility within the place will increase somewhat. This can make the job seem a bit more meaningful i think. If you know that your mistakes have consequences then you'll try and avoid them.

I think there's very few people who really enjoy their jobs. If you do really enjoy it then fair play. The vast majority of people can only hope to not be unhappy in their jobs. If you really are unhappy then i think its time to move! At the end of the day, its a job and you're there to work. It allows you to afford a certain standard of living outside of it. You should try and make the most of your time off. Try and meet new people, go to new places. Work to live, not live to work.

As for having kids etc... i can't say since i'm not there (yet!) but i would imagine it would change your perspective on life a lot.

The Corinthian

I think an important realization in your thirties is that, for most people, we finally feel our mortality. Of course, I'm not necessary talking about death, but more so that we will some day be old - that in our thirties is when many our parents generally retire is actually one of the triggers to this, I believe.

In your twenties, living hand to mouth is not a big deal. Many others bum around, stay in college too long, work simply to pay for rent and beer and generally have no real long term goals.

Then, as someone else pointed out, your choices catch up with you in your thirties. You wake up one morning and you realize that while you'll be all right as long as you work, you realize that someday you will be too old and tired to work. You've missed out on ten or more years of paying into a pension or towards a mortgage. Others your age have an extra 'ten years experience' in their careers - and the salaries to match...

If you're lucky you figure this out while you're still in your twenties, if not you have a lot of ground to make up and you become concious of that wasted time.

Of course, for some, marriage/parenthood becomes an alternative solution.

For some reason this thread wouldn't leave my head last night, and I had a long conversation with some of my friends about it on msn.

When it comes to living, society & the media has had a rather large impact on how we perceive ourselves in the world. We're taught that we're entitled to have all the good things in life, and because its such a wonderful message many of us take it completely to heart. Others who have had a harsher childhood, don't fall for this message and realise that they need to work hard to accomplish what they would like to achieve. The problem is that most people do, however, fall into this trap, and feel resentful when success or wealth doesn't fall into their laps. I certainly felt this when I was younger, and it was only when I reached my thirties that I truly realised that success (of any kind) is not a right, but rather something we need to work hard for.

I started out in IT having done it in college. At that time it was the wonder industry with success stories like Apple or Microsoft on everyone's lips. People rushed into the area, hoping that they would become instant successes, but lets face it apart from the really talented, few made any real money from it. I worked in a hosting/design company and had a great time. Played Quake or Civ on our lunch breaks, got stoned and answered technical support calls, and had a few beers while chasing down clients for monies owed. It was a time of laziness because we felt we were in the right industry, and the stereotypical internet companies of the time were somewhat similar. Then it bust, and we realised that while we had a decent company, it was nothing close to a success. And thus we started to work hard, and it went on and on. Until I left.

It was only when I worked outside of Europe that I realised the need for a professional manner in work. Australian companies didn't expect their employees to work particularly hard, but even with my own considered lazy mindset I was miles more diligent than my co-workers. And that, strangely, encouraged me to work harder, and I gained praise for doing so. Ahh, praise and acknowledgment for commitment to working. Something I had never really gotten from companies I had worked for in Ireland and England.

And I came to the startling conclusion. I expected the praise and didn't get it. I expected the pay raises, and increased responsibility, but didn't get it. It was only when I stopped expecting recognition, and actually focused myself of working effectively that I got what I wanted.

And it comes back to the expectation of success that was drilled into us in school, by the media, and by society. Previously when in work I would play browser games, look at myspace, check the news channels, and badly hide my actions from my managers. But once I focused on work, I felt no need to waste my time on such things. I could garner my own self-respect, and pride in job well done. But then everything changed, when I understood that I didn't have to stay in this type of work, and could choose where and how I worked.

Your teens are about learning, and adapting yourself to school/college formula's. Your 20's are about finishing college, and setting a place in your world (usually still conforming to your families unspoken interest). Your 30's are about either accepting your previous choices, or making radical new ones. You don't have to continue what was done before. You don't have to stay in a profession you don't enjoy. You don't have to chase western girls, if they don't really interest you. You don't have to drink heaps, and consider a "black out" as being a good night out. You don't have to conform to the accepted lifestyle that society throws out for you.

You have the choice to lead your own life. That is what age 30+ means. Knowing that your life is your own, and nobody else's. That you have one lifetime, so you might as well be happy living it. If you don't like your job, find one you do like. I've seen numerous articles which have shown that if you do a job you enjoy, it will pay the bills. However, if you're doing a job you don't like, while you may pay the bills, you won't be all that happy, and that will feed into other parts of your life.

Still rambling, although its rather clear in my head.

topper75

The Corinthian wrote: »

Of course, for some, marriage/parenthood becomes an alternative solution.

An alternative solution to not starting a pension early? I don't really understand your post and have read it a few times. Maybe you are trying to say too much.

The Corinthian

topper75 wrote: »

An alternative solution to not starting a pension early? I don't really understand your post and have read it a few times. Maybe you are trying to say too much.

Imagine you hit your early to mid-thirties and you have spent all of your adult life up to that point fecking around - by this I mean, not having built up a career, perhaps not even having worked, not paid into any pension plan, not bought a house - in short, you are still living like someone ten or fifteen years younger than you.

You've lost ten to fifteen years of your working life - possibly the most important ones. Even if you start a pension plan now, you'll have to pay considerably more into it every month to make up for lost time. The same goes for a mortgage, as you will not get one that goes beyond a certain length. Then to make matters worse, your lack of career means that you're still only able to command a low salary relative to your age, which makes such increased contributions even harder to afford.

And finally, there is the distinct possibility that your procrastination to this point is because you still have not decided "what you want to be when you grow up". What are the chances of that changing overnight?

Faced with such a grim future, it's hardly surprising that marriage is a career option for some. In one fell move you can share in the income, pension and security of someone who did not squander their twenties. To a far lesser extent parenthood alone can also give you 'an option' - after all, other than a guaranteed (if limited) income from the State, what better pension plan than your children to care for you in your old age?

Admittedly, such an option is more socially acceptable of women than men, but increasingly men too opt for this.

nyarlothothep

Hey, I'm also in my 20s and agree mostly with you. I think the mistake people can make is applying a one size fits all approach to life ie, get a house, car, wife/husband, kids, work 9-5. The error resides in the assumption that everyone should like this. Life isn't a race and the keeping up with the jonses philosophy, while suitable for some, is absolute bs for others. Therefore, I would say you need to find your niche. Obviously the experience will stand to you but apparently others seem to be content or have no choice but to work harder at things you find boring. The benefits of a long term strategy regarding what you want out of life cannot be overstated.

As for what its like to be in your thirties, I would predict that it can be a more laid back version of your 20s, perhaps a bit more sophisticated.

The Corinthian

The Corinthian wrote: »

Imagine you hit your early to mid-thirties and you have spent all of your adult life up to that point fecking around - by this I mean, not having built up a career, perhaps not even having worked, not paid into any pension plan, not bought a house - in short, you are still living like someone ten or fifteen years younger than you.

You've lost ten to fifteen years of your working life - possibly the most important ones. Even if you start a pension plan now, you'll have to pay considerably more into it every month to make up for lost time. The same goes for a mortgage, as you will not get one that goes beyond a certain length. Then to make matters worse, your lack of career means that you're still only able to command a low salary relative to your age, which makes such increased contributions even harder to afford.

And finally, there is the distinct possibility that your procrastination to this point is because you still have not decided "what you want to be when you grow up". What are the chances of that changing overnight?

Great post. Always love reading your posts in this area.

The same is also very true when it comes to relationships. I stayed single right until after I hit 30. Never saw the need nor felt any particular desire to stay with any one woman for any length of time. After all, why not just keep them as friends, and hook up with randomers. Also didn't help I was hooked on asian women, when there were very few asian immigrants in Ireland.

But when I reached the stage where I wanted to stay together with the women I met, I was at a distinct disadvantage, since I didn't have the experience of those who had persued such in their teens & 20's. I made silly mistakes, and some amazing women slipped through my fingers as a result.

To experience one side of life, often you sacrifice other area's. Its very very difficult to experience everything to the full. I certainly haven't been capable of it.

johnnyskeleton

waitinforatrain wrote: »

What's it like to be in your 30s? I just started a "real" job as a software developer and everyone is 10+ years older than me, married with kids etc.

I'm surprised at how much people seem to care about their jobs. While I spend half the day on facebook etc, they just seem to work consistently from 8 to 5. I just don't see where they get the motivation to care.

It's possible that they care about their jobs because they really like it and get into it. Perhaps in a few months, when you are starting to see whatever project(s) you are working on take shape and come to life you will get engrossed in it too.

As an aside, I've often gone out on work nights out and spent half the night talking about work because I actually enjoy(ed) what I do. The worst thing on these occasions is when someone comes along and goes "Come on, this is a night out, let's forget about work and have some fun", which invariably kills all conversation stone dead and wipes the animated look from people's faces.

Mind you, if you can enjoy your job and spend some sneaky time on facebook, you'll be doing well.

johnnyskeleton

The Corinthian wrote: »

Even if you start a pension plan now, you'll have to pay considerably more into it every month to make up for lost time.

I've never like pensions and have always planned to die "in harness".

johnnyskeleton

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

I've never like pensions and have always planned to die "in harness".

Time changes "most" plans. You'll feel completely different depending on which decade you're in, and your plans will change likewise, at least until you get hitched or into a serious relationship, and then plans become more stable with two interests instead of one. Never mind if children enter the picture.

I never believed I would marry and have children. Seriously. Not out of dislike of marriage but simply because I liked the Bachelor lifestyle. But things change, and my perceptions have changed with them. Now Marriage is rather appealing and children are... still a bit much for me to consider (I like being able to give them back when they get tiresome, and annoying). For now. But I know that time may change that also.

johnnyskeleton

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

Mind you, if you can enjoy your job and spend some sneaky time on facebook, you'll be doing well.

TBH as someone who has been a manager a number of times in different companies, I'd advise against it. Primarily, because its easier to fall into bad habits than to get out of them. And secondly because your manager/supervisor will know what your doing, and it will count against you. If you wish to be successful in your work, then stay focused on your work. Its not really that difficult and the working days aren't particularly long in most jobs. Some companies don't mind a quick break to check email/facebook at lunch, but during work time they'll expect you to do your job. If you can't, then you're not really good material for more responsibility, and other people will get the bigger chances.

However, if you're looking to just drift along, without any real aim to succeed, then go ahead, and waste time. It won't matter one way or another, although in the current economic/employment climate you should probably be doing everything you can to keep your employers happy with your performance.

The Corinthian

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

I've never like pensions and have always planned to die "in harness".

What happens if you don't? You do know what the basic state pension is at present (no guarantee that that there will even be one in another few decades)? It's essentially being on the Dole until you die. Not pretty.

ntlbell

DublinWriter wrote: »

Being in your 30's in being mature enough to know that most companies do check the web browsing habits of their employees.

but being in IT means you know how to tunnel the traffic across various ssh connections to leave the admin's scratching their head's :rolleyes:

The Corinthian

ntlbell wrote: »

but being in IT means you know how to tunnel the traffic across various ssh connections to leave the admin's scratching their head's :rolleyes:

I does not take a genius to figure out if one of your staff is surfing the Web all the time, and indeed, one of the first things I do if I get a CV is I run a check for the person on all the various social networking sites - if it looks like they spend half their lives there, then I will not call them to interview.

Additionally, you don't need to check traffic logs to know that someone is dossing. You'll see it during the day as you pass their desks; how the screen suddenly flashes as they alt-tab at your approach. People aren't blind.

Personally, I don't care is someone spends half the day on Facebook as long as they hit all their targets and do so well. But there are very few people who can do that - for the rest their work suffers and it's obvious to all around.

ntlbell

The Corinthian wrote: »

I does not take a genius to figure out if one of your staff is surfing the Web all the time, and indeed, one of the first things I do if I get a CV is I run a check for the person on all the various social networking sites - if it looks like they spend half their lives there, then I will not call them to interview.

Additionally, you don't need to check traffic logs to know that someone is dossing. You'll see it during the day as you pass their desks; how the screen suddenly flashes as they alt-tab at your approach. People aren't blind.

Personally, I don't care is someone spends half the day on Facebook as long as they hit all their targets and do so well. But there are very few people who can do that - for the rest their work suffers and it's obvious to all around.

I was being sarcastic.

It's just some of the drastic measures some genius's go to to doss.

But having spent many years in IT security my personal experience is that most company's don't care what goes on as long as someone is doing a bit of work.

The Corinthian

ntlbell wrote: »

I was being sarcastic.

Upps, didn't pick up on that, sorry.

But having spent many years in IT security my personal experience is that most company's don't care what goes on as long as someone is doing a bit of work.

I'd agree, although the "bit of work" is open to interpretation.

I think most managers are aware of the fact that people cannot in reality work 'solidly' throughout the day and will take breaks, either to have a smoke, surf the Web or grab a coffee. In fact, there have been numerous studies that have shown that there are real productivity benefits to taking breaks.

Noffles

This year I leave my thirties and hit my forties... since things dramatically improved for me when I hit thirty for the first half of them I felt fine, since then though I think life has done what I would call "caught up with me"... for the last three years at least I have been "concerned" about how my job provides for everyone in my family and if it were to be compromised how it would affect us...

And as someone above stated, I feel time is more relevant to me these days... And if I do something I should REALLY do it, be it relax, workout or work itself, life now really does appear to be too short.

topper75

johnnyskeleton wrote: »

As an aside, I've often gone out on work nights out and spent half the night talking about work because I actually enjoy(ed) what I do. The worst thing on these occasions is when someone comes along and goes "Come on, this is a night out, let's forget about work and have some fun", which invariably kills all conversation stone dead and wipes the animated look from people's faces.

I can only deduce Sir that you work in the adult entertainment industry! :pac:. I doubt it is IT anyway.

ntlbell

ntlbell wrote: »

but being in IT means you know how to tunnel the traffic across various ssh connections to leave the admin's scratching their head's :rolleyes:

Its funny that IT people always look at the technical way to hide their tracks, when its the basic looking at someone's screen that gives them away. Any manager worth anything will check their staff personally at different stages just to be a help to them, and in doing so will often catch out the very people that seek to be lazy in this manner. And I know you were being sarcastic, but the point stands, and most IT people would seek to make their non-working actions invisible. Makes them feel more clever. :rolleyes:

The Corinthian wrote:

What happens if you don't? You do know what the basic state pension is at present (no guarantee that that there will even be one in another few decades)? It's essentially being on the Dole until you die. Not pretty.

There are always other options, especially if you choose to live outside of Ireland. But saving towards a pension remains the best thing to do if you wish to have a better retirement, and life in older age. My own pension amount is tiny, due to my own stupidity in my 20's. However, I have other plans in place to help me in the future.

The Corinthian wrote:

think most managers are aware of the fact that people cannot in reality work 'solidly' throughout the day and will take breaks, either to have a smoke, surf the Web or grab a coffee. In fact, there have been numerous studies that have shown that there are real productivity benefits to taking breaks.

Which is why there is some leeway for a few trips to the toilet or for a smoke, although smoking during working hours is becoming more and more frowned upon. The difference is that if you're taking these breaks while working hard, it will show in the employee's work. If they're taking these breaks, just to get away from their desk, or their work, it too will show. And after some time, a manager will take that employee aside for a little chat.

tallaght01

It's weird hitting 30. I'm 31, and there's a definite psychological barrier I crossed when I hit my thirties.

I've started worrying about things like cholesterol! Never gave my long term health much of a thought when I was in my 20s. Now I start thinking about how your arteries really ramp up the clogging process in your thirties. So, tonight I had pasta and fish for dinner, and made 3 fruit salads for the next few days' lunches. :P

I also started thinking that I should do more "stuff". I took up drumming when I was 29, and now have a poxy little occasional "garage band" with a few guys I work with.
I took up martial arts when I turned 30, and was surprised at how many guys took it u at the same age. I'm also halfway through a masters degree.

I also take stuff a lot less seriously. I laugh smugly at the people in work who are younger than me and are obsessed with their careers. I was the same, and gave most of my late teens and early 20s to my career.

I even look at things like boards, and wonder how some people take it so seriously. In a short life, I can't get into banning and infracting people. Likewise with my hobbies...I do them, but I don't try and excel. I just enjoy them.

I've also wanted to take my career a certain low paid route for years, but never had the guts. Even my dad, who's quite the socialist, thinks I'm mad. But when I hit 30, I decided that's the way i was going, and I've turned my career 360 degrees and couldn't be happier.

So, to sum up my thirties so far....I'm poorer than when I was in my 20s, and am likely to stay that way pretty much forever. I've more hobbies than I've ever had, and I'm more exhausted than I've ever been. I'm not allowed eat sweets any more, and I spend 18 hours a week in college with people 10 years younger than me.

Recipe for misery, but couldn't be happier

waitinforatrain

Thank you for all the replies, very insightful.

The question I asked is really masking a deeper question.

It's difficult to avoid the cliche teenage "**** the system" kind of phrases here. It's not that I ever stopped believing in that, but that it seemed so futile I just had to stop and get on with life. Is it the same for everyone or is this not something that everyone thinks about?

There always seemed to be something wrong with the world, and I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. I'm sitting in work again today in my cubicle staring at the screen and it's sunny as hell outside. I was walking past a field earlier that I used to play in when I was younger and they're digging it up and building something there. It's weird to think that every day there's less and less green space.

I used to think that it was orchestrated, a conspiracy by some invisible man to destroy the world for personal gain. I know now that it's not the case, it's just the net force of every person trying to get by in a flawed system. As Allen Ginsberg said, "Imprisoned in the giant machine we are conditioned to its terms".

But I couldn't see this cubicle life as a life worth living. Excuse the rant.

waitinforatrain

waitinforatrain wrote: »

Thank you for all the replies, very insightful.

The question I asked is really masking a deeper question.

It's difficult to avoid the cliche teenage "**** the system" kind of phrases here. It's not that I ever stopped believing in that, but that it seemed so futile I just had to stop and get on with life. Is it the same for everyone or is this not something that everyone thinks about?

Not for me, really. Sure, I rebelled against my parents, and what was expected of me. Or rather what i thought was expected of me. It didn't help my ego all that much, that they were actually happy regardless of what I did, and I had imagined their disapproval for my "black sheep" ways.

People like to believe the world is about them. Its not. In fact, the world doesn't really give a damn about your life. Once you realise that, you'll feel a remarkable sense of freedom.

There always seemed to be something wrong with the world, and I've felt this way for as long as I can remember. I'm sitting in work again today in my cubicle staring at the screen and it's sunny as hell outside. I was walking past a field earlier that I used to play in when I was younger and they're digging it up and building something there. It's weird to think that every day there's less and less green space.

Personally, I think you're projecting your own dissatisfaction with your own life on to the world. Its common enough from what I can see. Once you become more comfortable and happy with your own decisions in your life, the rest will fall into place. Instead of seeing negatives with change/time, you'll see positives. As I said earlier it comes down to each persons perceptions.

I used to think that it was orchestrated, a conspiracy by some invisible man to destroy the world for personal gain. I know now that it's not the case, it's just the net force of every person trying to get by in a flawed system. As Allen Ginsberg said, "Imprisoned in the giant machine we are conditioned to its terms".

I have always wondered why we have career guidance teachers in schools, or business subjects, but we don't have motivation & planning subjects. Subjects that would encourage us to set realistic, and enjoyable goals for the future. Instead we're encouraged to conform to certain limited industries, and told that this is the way it must be. Play the safe way, and set yourself up for the future.

I'm not big into conspiracies. Sure, there are some out there who have plans which might affect us, but for most of us, we're too insignificant to be factored in.

But I couldn't see this cubicle life as a life worth living. Excuse the rant.

Then get out. Do it tomorrow. Hand in your notice, and spend the weekend deciding what you do want to do. And then just do it. Life is about living. I won't say I wasted my 20's when I was in work, since I learned a lot about myself and others doing so. But, I could have enjoyed myself much more had I just focused on what brought me joy, and still have led a financially productive life.

Seriously. None of us are going to get out of this life alive.. So why make yourself miserable just to earn some euro's that are easily spent anyway...

metrovelvet

Pensions. Ha. I started one when I was 22,back when I was responsible. And now its caput. First 911 got it with that crash and now its dead with the recent calamaties. Millions of others are in the same boat, some about to retire. Under a mattress is the way to go.

Contrary to most others, mortality, first my fathers death, when the health insurance company refused to pay the bill and i was left with a 60k bill and a funeral to pay for at the age of 23, and then 911 where it seemed like everyone lost everything, sent me to a faithlessness in anykind of insurences or stability. So i guess im doing it backwards.

metrovelvet

metrovelvet wrote: »

Pensions. Ha. I started one when I was 22,back when I was responsible. And now its caput. First 911 got it with that crash and now its dead with the recent calamaties. Millions of others are in the same boat, some about to retire. Under a mattress is the way to go.

Contrary to most others, mortality, first my fathers death, when the health insurance company refused to pay the bill and i was left with a 60k bill and a funeral to pay for at the age of 23, and then 911 where it seemed like everyone lost everything, sent me to a faithlessness in anykind of insurences or stability. So i guess im doing it backwards.

Ditto. My hope is that I can make a reasonable profit from my house whenever the market comes back, and then move to asia. Reinvest there. My future doesn't exist in the west. I've learned that I love Asia (China), and even better I love a certain Chinese girl. I've had enough of the decadence of the west. lol.

DublinWriter

Deleted User wrote: »

I've learned that I love Asia (China), and even better I love a certain Chinese girl. I've had enough of the decadence of the west. lol.

Yeah? Well, you ain't seen nothing till you've seen the decadence of the east.

DublinWriter

DublinWriter wrote: »

Yeah? Well, you ain't seen nothing till you've seen the decadence of the east.

I lived in China for quite a while, and have been to a fair number of other Asian countries. I guess I'm just "one of those people" that prefers Asia to "the West".

Firetrap

I think life experience and greater maturity make the 20s and 30s different from each other. As a person, I'm far more comfortable with myself now than I was back in my 20s and I'm not so worried what other people think of me. I don't care if others don't like my hobbies/interests, my taste in music etc. I think too that I'm better at dealing with people now and that the rough edges have been knocked off me. I've also met some interesting people in my private and working lives and have learned a lot from them. In work, I've benefited from meeting and getting to know people who are older than me.

In my private life, I've had to deal with some serious illnesses in the family. When you've spent as much time in hospitals and nursing homes as I have in the last half dozen years, it's hard not to think about what's coming down the line. I am definitely thinking more about what I eat, what I drink and about getting more exercise.

I think a big difference between my 20s and 30s is focus. I spent most of my 20s not having a clue what I wanted really. I finished college and fell into a series of jobs that were OK but not going anywhere. The idea of saving up a few bob never even entered my head. There always seemed to be plenty of time ahead of me. When you get into your 30s, there are cut-off points looming. Like retirement dates, when you can't have kids any more without the help of dodgy Romanian doctors, how many years it will take to pay back that mortgage.

Career-wise, I'm very happy that I have a job. I don't think many people have a job that makes them wake up in the morning and go "Yippee, I'm off to work today" but I would hope most people have a job which they don't mind going into. I'm old enough to remember the 80s - the growing numbers of unemployed people, the dole queues, the emigration. It's stopped me ever taking a job for granted and makes me value what I have.

Porkpie

30 is just around the corner for me. Through reading these posts I've gained more insight into how priorities change and how lessons are learned as we age. I always had this irrational fear of hitting the 30s, thinking that my carefree days are over, that life will get more boring and joyless. I'm kind of stuck in a rut in many ways, unfulfilled, in a soul destroying job, have little motivation and am generally coasting through life. Reading the posts has given me a kick in the behind and got me thinking about the changes I need to make in my life. Life really is short. Thanks everyone for opening my eyes.