To all the single people

Amy33

I'm 32 and long term single. When people say "Why don't you have a boyfriend", I never know what to say and usually come out with some lame answer like "I don't know". I'm very happily single, but what do other single people say when asked that? I work with the public, so get asked that more than the norm, (twice today) which is probably why I'm so irritated at this stage!

star-pants

All you have to say is 'because I don't want one' or 'not found the right guy yet' just something to get them off your back. It's a stupid thing on one hand to say to people, 'why aren't you dating someone'. If you're happy you're happy. don't let others get to you

keizer

I get asked that too and I usually just say that I don't have the time.

It's so annoying though!

Wibbs

If I'm asked that(rarely enough.. hmmmm...:D) my answer is I would rather be on my own for the right reasons than with someone for the wrong. In fairness it is easier for a guy to be single though. Much less pressure in my experience.

Zaph

Wibbs wrote: »

In fairness it is easier for a guy to be single though. Much less pressure in my experience.

I agree, "Why don't you have a girlfriend" is not a question I was asked on a regular basis when I was a long-term happily single person.

LegacyUser

I've been single for a long time also & happily so and I know exactly what you mean. People think theres something wrong with you if you're not part of a couple. Some people imply that I must secretly fancy women because they never see me with a man (nothing wrong with that but I'm straight). Anyway I just turn it back on them & say that I'm single for the same reason that they're in a marriage/relationship - through my own choice. If they continue asking I just say that I dont question their choices so why do they feel they can question mine.

sillyputty

I get asked why i don't have a boyfriend all the time and i'm only 26, i think its because the majority of my friends have started to settle down.
I usually just answer that i'm not really looking for one right now.

Last week i was asked, by a stranger, when i was going to settle down and have kids, some people have no boundaries.

KittyeeTrix

OP, next time you are asked, you just say it's the same reason you don't have a great dane, cos they require too much care and you can't stand drooling on your couch:D

Seriously though, tell them to mind their own beeswax

Karen_*

I say its because I'm a total psycho. Not only is it true but it gets a laugh and they move swiftly along!:D

PCPhoto

depending on my mood ....

"marriage is an institution .... I'm not ready to be institutionalised !!! "

or

"meh"

or

"I'm concentrating on my career"

truth... I cant be bothered ... you find the same "type" of people no matter where you go, might need to change myself before I find the right person.

Dont want to hijack thread - but -
do people keep searching for Mr/Ms Right ...or just settle for Mr/Mrs Right now.

Jack B. Badd

I don't think I've ever been asked why I don't have a boyfriend. What an odd question.
"Black Widow Syndrome...literally" would probably shut them up tbh

StormWarrior

I'm 25 and since the age of about 20 my family have been asking me "When are you going to get married?" and when I've been single during that time, "Why haven't you got a boyfriend?"

I just answer "There are no fit men around here, that's why." It's true enough.

PCPhoto

fit ?? do you mean fit looking ? or fit (healthy/athletic)? ... I just cant be arsed with a relationship ... I'm a 30yr old guy, not really interested in a relationship at the moment - been in a couple of head wrecking ones which kinda spoiled my outlook on life.

I've also broken a heart or two by ending relationships which I considered to be going down a road which I wasn't ready for.... but thats life !!

just a point of note: just 'cos I say I'm not arsed with a relationship at the moment does not mean I'm looking for NSA/one nighters ..... I want to build a business and want to be able to say I did it myself without the help/support of anyone, I've never really been independent always had family support - financially and emotionally.

StormWarrior

PCPhoto wrote: »

fit ?? do you mean fit looking ? or fit (healthy/athletic)?

Good looking of course! Would rather be single than with a ming!

dazberry

trish990 wrote: »

I'm 32 and long term single.

I like that phrase, I'm going to use it the next time - I'll just claim I'm LTS - nothing like a TLA to confuse the hell out of them .

For the older generation, when I would be asked if I was "doing a line" I used to fain insult and snap that I don't do drugs - that used to confuse the living hell out of them - bless

D.

NickNolte

StormWarrior wrote: »

Would rather be single than with a ming!

Indeed. It's also worth at least waiting for adolescence to kick in before committing to an adult relationship.

OP - If you're happy to be single, then don't even dignify these people with an answer. The sheer insensitivity of people who ask this question never fails to baffle me. I was asked why I didn't have a girlfried before I met my current OH. It didn't bother me a huge amount and I usually just ignored the question. Although I have a few friends in their early 30's, men and women, who are quite sensitive about still being single and they'd be absolutely mortified if someone asked them why they "hadn't met anyone nice yet". I've seen it happen a few times and it always makes me cringe.

PCPhoto

I used to say "I'm looking for Mrs Right .... but having fun with Ms Right now in the meantime " lol

ok -bit of a lame joke/line .... not actually gonna admit to saying it - cant remember if I had said it or not.

RacoonQueen

I just tell people I'm too young for a boyfriend. The reply is usually something along the lines of "I was married with 2 kids at your age"

LegacyUser

I'm recently single and already have been asked several times this week "are you courting?", "have you a man on the go?", I've even got "why aren't you seeing someone, your biological clock is ticking you know". Yes, people have no boundaries and people are overly concerned with whether you're seeing someone or not, very very frustrating.

I HATE this question. Got asked all the time when I was 18-21, as if having a boyfriend was obligatory. I broke up with my bf last year and was single for a few months, and it started again. One of my students asked me if I was single by choice - what is that supposed to mean? Obviously it's by choice, I'm not some weird hideous ogre who couldn't find a man in all of Ireland! As for a response, it depends on my mood. I used to say 'enjoying the single life after a LTR' or 'not ready to settle down' or if I was in a bad mood, 'why do you have no manners?'

Cleopatra12

I am 30 and single 3 years. I often get asked why i am still single or someone decides to tell me that there must be something wrong with me.

Hand on heart, the reason i am single is cos i am not ready for a relationship.

BUT if someone has to cheek to ask why i am, i dont tell them that, i simply smile, and ask, 'so how is your sex life after x years married to xyz?... pause, and then say, 'God isnt it terrible when people ask innapropriate questions!', and i smile sweetly again!

Always works for me!

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Firetrap

It's a horrible question to ask anyone and can be downright hurtful to some people. Not everybody's able to just go out there and acquire a new boyfriend/girlfriend as easily as buying a loaf of bread in the shop.

Just as some people have loads and loads of friends and others have a small circle of friends, some folk have no difficulty getting dates and others are single a lot. It's the way things are and anyone who asks a question like that clearly hasn't got an ounce of tact in their body. :mad:

esharknz

I know what you mean. I got a lot of the "your younger brother is getting married now, you'd better hurry up and find yourself a husband because how embarrassing is that".

Hmmmmm......I'd much rather wait and marry the right man! Things happen for people at different times. Nothing wrong with being single at all.

Liber8or

Maybe the reason why you are being asked is because that person is showing an interest in you? Checking to see if you are single (not seeing anyone) or, more accurately, perusing the possibility of you being willing to go on a date?

I would be flattered if a girl asked me why I single, clearly if she is keen for the reasons, she is either incredibly nosy or trying to show interest and see my response. The optimist in me would hope for the latter!

But maybe that's just me!

the_syco

The mother still asks the odd time when I'll be getting a girlfriend, but aside from that, people stopped asking me about it 5 years ago.

Still looking, but as I can't talk for sh|t to women who I'd like to chat up it ain't going well.

Nevyn

the_syco wrote: »

The mother still asks the odd time when I'll be getting a girlfriend, but aside from that, people stopped asking me about it 5 years ago.

Still looking, but as I can't talk for sh|t to women who I'd like to chat up it ain't going well.

That can happen it's bloody annoying when it does.

pikachucheeks

trish990 wrote: »

I'm 32 and long term single. When people say "Why don't you have a boyfriend", I never know what to say and usually come out with some lame answer like "I don't know". I'm very happily single, but what do other single people say when asked that?

My line is always "Because I haven't found anyone good enough for me yet."

An air of arrogance always shuts nosy people up and stops them asking invasive questions

Brian.

no one ever asks me that.............. i thimk they might know im a man whore.....

StormWarrior

NickNolte wrote: »

Indeed. It's also worth at least waiting for adolescence to kick in before committing to an adult relationship.

OP - If you're happy to be single, then don't even dignify these people with an answer. The sheer insensitivity of people who ask this question never fails to baffle me. I was asked why I didn't have a girlfried before I met my current OH. It didn't bother me a huge amount and I usually just ignored the question. Although I have a few friends in their early 30's, men and women, who are quite sensitive about still being single and they'd be absolutely mortified if someone asked them why they "hadn't met anyone nice yet". I've seen it happen a few times and it always makes me cringe.

Thanks for the words of wisdom, I went through adolsecence 15 years ago.

OP, if you refuse to answer the question, as this poster suggests, it's going to make you look sensitive about the question, which might make the people who are asking think that you can't get a boyfriend and are upset about it or something. They might even try and set you up. I think you should treat the question in a jokey way and answer as such, as I suggested earlier, so you will seem genuinely happy about being single and people will stop hassling you. Works like a charm for me every time I've been single for a while.

lisajane

I was asked this a few weeks ago for the first time ever. I work with old hags and just because in their time it was acceptable to marry young they think there is something wrong with me at 26. It certainly doesn't bother me being single. Im not in any rush. I have a long time yet.

SarahSassy

ála Bridge Jones, tell them all single people have scales under their clothes

Why are you still ingle? Its the most stupid question on the planet and completely patronising.. The next thing when you meet someone will be 'when are you getting married?' and when you are married ' when are you having kids?'. People ae tossers and intrusive. A friend has a good line 'get out of my life and get back into your own'.

Ignore the fools.

lgoring21

im a single mammy....so not only do i get asked that... most ask so wheres the daddy then?? grr pee off:mad::mad: nose bags

tolteq

star-pants wrote: »

All you have to say is 'because I don't want one' or 'not found the right guy yet' just something to get them off your back. It's a stupid thing on one hand to say to people, 'why aren't you dating someone'. If you're happy you're happy. don't let others get to you

I dont know how anyone can be happy single.

SarahSassy

tolteq wrote: »

I dont know how anyone can be happy single.

Then you dont know how to live....

Wibbs

I for one can be perfectly happy single. I personally don't want a relationship at the moment. It can require too much effort in general, or at least I've not met someone currently that I would want to make that effort with and for(and indeed they for me). That could change tomorrow or next week or next month. In that case I would then be happy in a relationship, so long as it was a mutually beneficial and healthy relationship. I have many friends and outlets socially and otherwise, so that part is taken care off. Regular sex with one person would be missing, but sex is easy enough to get, so if it came to a point where I missed that, it's there if I choose. In any case my contentment is not based nor driven by my relationship status.

As I said before on the thread, I'm male which makes it easier as there exists far less social pressure on men to be with someone. At most the social pressure extends to how often one gets laid, not how well he does in a relationship. Indeed a man being off the market may even be seen more as a "downgrade" by many. Women get a fair amount of social validation from being in a relationship, almost entirely from other women too. There are any number of reasons for that, but it's a debate best suited to humanities I guess.

LegacyUser

I feel exactly the same as Wibbs and I'm female.

I wouldnt mind being in a very casual sexual relationship or making the effort for a special person. Otherwise I'm a bit meh about it. I would much rather be on my own than in some mediocre relationship. I have plenty of interests to keep me busy outside of work and a large network of friends.

Sex is easy to get if I wanted it but I couldnt be bothered with the complications that go along with that at the moment.

I was told in work during the week that I was 'too fussy'.

Yes. I am very fussy about who I will let into my life. Bite me.

beks101

This is a funny one. When you're in a relationship, people don't feel the need to ask you why you have a boyfriend, but when you're not, you're fair game? To me, it's akin to asking when my menstrual cycle is. How the hell is it anyone's business??

A few possible answers:

Q: 'Why don't you have a boyfriend?'

- 'Because I killed the last one'
- 'Because God is punishing me'
- 'I didn't realise it was compulsory'
- 'Because I am afraid of commitment'

SarahSassy

Just remembered I always used to say to the auld ones who asked me why I was single - 'Why make one man miserable when I can make hundreds happy' - it generally shut them up

Wibbs and winking weber have the right idea... Relationships are time consuming and hard work. You would not choose the wrong college course intentionally for those reasons so why choose to be in a relationship that doesnt add value to your life for the same reasons.

musicmonky

i married myself. "im really very happy."

<snip>

Zaph

musicmonky wrote: »

i married myself. "im really very happy."

<snip>

musicmonky, unless you have something worthwhile to contribute to the discussion other than a Youtube link, which are not permitted in PI, I suggest you stay out of it.

Barracudaincork

I was asked that question by my Aunt at the weekend as my younger had her 2nd baby. I told her when i found as good a man as she did then i would consider it. My uncle by the way is an alcoholic gambler who woudlnt know affection if it bit him on the a$$ and for the want of a better expression "a dirty old man". My comment shut her up!

I generally say when im asked "why do you want to know?", that usually makes them say oh sorry i was just asking, and they back away from the question.

I remember my cousin years ago getting the same at family gatherings and weddings saying you'll be next etc My Mum told him to say at the next funeral to them, you'll be next and see how they like it

tolteq

Well I think being single is rotten. I think being single is boring. Saying single is giving you a whole new meaning to your life is just an excuse. stop philiosophising being single as being soooo cool and great for you.

I much rather be with a good woman any day of the week than be single. but thats cos i actually love women. i think most other people are generally the same. an the rest......... try amd make a point by being single. a point that you dont need a relationship when you actually do. there people go playing hard to get. it annoys me. when you play hard to get. you stay hard to get.

yawn.


yawn again.

Barracudaincork

tolteq wrote: »

Well I think being single is rotten. I think being single is boring. Saying single is giving you a whole new meaning to your life is just an excuse. stop philiosophising being single as being soooo cool and great for you.

I much rather be with a good woman any day of the week than be single. but thats cos i actually love women. i think most other people are generally the same. an the rest......... try amd make a point by being single. a point that you dont need a relationship when you actually do. there people go playing hard to get. it annoys me. when you play hard to get. you stay hard to get.

yawn.


yawn again.

Your entitled to think being single is rotten just as much as the singletons who enjoy being single are entitled to say its not rotten. I do have to ask why is being one half of a couple so great for you?

Id say a lot of single people would rather be with a "great" person, but those great people are few and far between and maybe singles just dont want to settle for just anyone and are happy to wait for that "great" person.

Why do you feel you need a relationship? do you feel it defines you as a person, is it the "if someone else likes me i must be ok" syndrome?

Wibbs

tolteq wrote: »

Well I think being single is rotten.

Why?

I think being single is boring.

If anything, being single is less boring as you have more options socially(and sexually) for a start.

Saying single is giving you a whole new meaning to your life is just an excuse. stop philiosophising being single as being soooo cool and great for you.

No one said it gives you meaning to your life. I don't need another to give meaning to my life. I have meaning in my life. If I share that with another(and they with me), great. If I don't have that, I don't lose meaning in my life. Having just adds extra meaning.

I much rather be with a good woman any day of the week than be single.

Which is entirely the point. A good woman for me. Plenty of good women out there. Have met them indeed. Just not there for me(or them) at the moment. Ideal situation? two emotionally healthy people sharing each others lives and enriching same. Great and obviously better than being single, but and it's a big but, one has to find that first. I would rather be single than in a mediocre or worse bad relationship. There are far too many of them, especially of the mediocre flavour. I want more. Simple as that.

It's all about the reasons behind it. If you're single for the wrong reasons, then it's as bad as being in a relationship for the wrong reasons.

a point that you dont need a relationship when you actually do.

Well I don't need a relationship. I may want one with someone compatible, but I don't need one in general.

there people go playing hard to get. it annoys me.

Why should it annoy you? Makes no difference to your life.

when you play hard to get. you stay hard to get.

I value me and I value my time and I value what I bring to a loving relationship. I won't waste it on mediocre.

yawn.


yawn again.

Well that's shown up the holes in my argument.

LegacyUser

It's none of your business
Outright! The flip side is being 26, in a 6 yr relationship, living together and being asked everyday.."when are you getting the ring?" I can't go on holiday anymore without people expecting an engagement when we get back.No pressure! When marraige eventually happens, I reckon give it about 6 months and it'll be "when's the first baby coming?" .Why can't people just mind their own busines......
You should read Bridget Jones if you haven't already.She's got some good responses to that!I personally wouldn't dream of saying to my sisters, let alone anyone else when are they getting into a relationship. I'd be told where to go!

Amy33

Thanks to everyone for your words of wisdom, some very good answers there which I will definitely be using in the future.

Also, it's nice to know I'm not alone in being asked such a tactless, daft question.

LegacyUser

Im single because at 31 there is not many good looking single women that I would like to pursue a relationship with in this country that are around my age.

trishawisha

Like a previous poster, am also 26 in a six year relationship and am constantly asked whens the wedding?
Very annoying, I reckon people use it as a conversation filler, like an acquintence commenting on weight loss, or loss....totally no boundaries!

LegacyUser

A wise man recently said "I'd rather be single than wishing it!"

BraziliaNZ

because i have ridiculously high standards probably. and because i find it ridiculously hard to meet chicas in Dublin.