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Defending her honour...

  • 15-05-2009 2:40pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭


    A tad dramatic title but the gist of the story is:

    We were out having a few drinks and some old drunks were pawing at her then picking her up and stuff... which in my opinion is simply not on, I would never ever touch another woman like that so why should someone touch my wife of all people???

    Anyway, the result was one of the blokes ended up on the floor, shoved I may add not belted, and I was asked to leave, my wife left just prior to me...

    Since then my wife has been really annoyed with me and initially I could see her point and have taken it onboard... But to add, I have told here that I won't have this and if it happens again I would do the same and if the gentlemen were being stubborn or aggressive I would not hesitate to belt someone for this..

    What are people comments here, this is something I take very seriously, women should be treated with respect and wives while the husbands are present even more so...


«1

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    I can see where you both are coming from. She probably thinks she could handle herself and you made it into a big scene and you (rightly so in my opinion) aren't letting anyone disrespect your wife. Now it's hard to judge because if she's just getting attention and the odd tap, i'd leave it, but if she's getting picked up and pawed at, i'd be right there with you.

    She may be annoyed at you but at least she knows if she can't handle the drunks, you're not afraid to stand up for her. I've seen the opposite before and it's humiliating for everyone.

    people are gonna come on soon and tell you violence is not and never is the answer, but fact of the matter is, sometimes if you don't get physical, people take no notice. I wish it wasn't like that but thats life.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    So you didn't think that your wife was capable of handling the situation herself? Seems like she was happy with and enjoying the attention.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭Noffles


    RedXIV wrote: »
    I can see where you both are coming from. She probably thinks she could handle herself and you made it into a big scene and you (rightly so in my opinion) aren't letting anyone disrespect your wife. Now it's hard to judge because if she's just getting attention and the odd tap, i'd leave it, but if she's getting picked up and pawed at, i'd be right there with you.

    She may be annoyed at you but at least she knows if she can't handle the drunks, you're not afraid to stand up for her. I've seen the opposite before and it's humiliating for everyone.

    people are gonna come on soon and tell you violence is not and never is the answer, but fact of the matter is, sometimes if you don't get physical, people take no notice. I wish it wasn't like that but thats life.

    This is what I was hoping for and I agree there is a difference between the odd tap and stuff to general slobbering and grabbing... and yes at times life requires things people don't like.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,115 ✭✭✭✭Nervous Wreck


    All comes down to your wife really. If she feels uncomfortable by this physical contact, you have the right to step in at her defense. Hitting/pushing/whatever is probably a bit extreme but given the vagueness of your account, I'll give the benefit of the doubt that it was deserved in that extreme. However, if your wife was having a laugh at the whole situation, it's not your place to intervene. I'm sure you'll probably be annoyed by her swallowing the attention but it's not your place to intrude on her good time cos you feel insecure.



    "women should be treated with respect" I agree with you here but tbh, your opening sentence in the narrative kinda banged of disrespect for your own wife, constantly referring to her as "her" without elaborating on your relationship with the mysterious 'her'. Which leads me to ask.... did you react out of fear for your wife's well-being (physically or otherwise) or because you saw these dudes latching on to her and thought "MINE!"? That point is a little off-topic I guess (though it does deal with the insecurity angle)... The rest stands.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,984 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    Theres generally a non violent way out of the majority of situations.
    Perhaps she thought there was a way of of the situation that didnt involve creating a scene.
    I do see where both of your points come from however.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 139 ✭✭Nitxteha


    In these cases, where there's drink involved etc..its better to let the woman deal with them and just leave. I understand your wife was not impressed: you put yourself in danger (and eventually her too..). Nowadays you never know how people can react, or if they're carrying weapons..

    Violence is always the last resource.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 270 ✭✭bicardi19


    well its quite simple your wife should never have put you in this position.**
    They were picking her up ffs. In front of you!!
    She could have stopped it.
    If it was the case that she couldn't have stopped it then she should be glad you did what you did.
    She really should of had a little bit more respect for you!!

    **were these men her friends or strangers cause that would make a huge difference?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,164 ✭✭✭hobochris


    I would have done the same.

    One thing I find weird though is these drunks are harassing your wife and your asked to leave?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭herya


    I'd actually appreciate my fiance helping me in a physical situation whether I asked for it or not. I am realistic, being a size 10 girl I might do quite a lot of damage to two random drunks but I'd probably receive more damage in return. I wouldn't let any drunk stranger pick me up btw.

    BUT

    If you have to, separate them and get her out, don't get violent. It will only put you both in danger and drunks are unpredictable. You don't want to get stabbed with a broken bottle when you leave the place.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    Bear in mind that we're only hearing one side of the story and that it is thus more likely to be self-serving.

    Your wife was likely flirting and enjoying the attention of the other men. With you nearby, she obviously felt secure in doing so and felt capable of dealing with the situation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her doing that. All this talk about her showing disrespect for you is nonsense.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    Fighting over a woman in ridiculous in this day and age.

    Your wife is probably well able to look after herself.

    Random drunks do not go around picking up strangers in front of their husbands. Me thinks there's more to this story. They sound like friends or workmates. The concept of ownership of women is long gone my friend. 90% of women are well capable of looking after themselves. The other 10%, well they're antiquated.

    If your wife is angry at you there's probably a good reason, most likely that you over-reacted to the situation. The fact you were asked to leave supports this.

    If you've come here looking for sympathy, well -1 from me.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭herya


    Gyalist wrote: »
    Your wife was likely flirting and enjoying the attention of the other men. With you nearby, she obviously felt secure in doing so and felt capable of dealing with the situation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her doing that. All this talk about her showing disrespect for you is nonsense.

    Yh I might be a traditionalist but what is "flirting and enjoying the attention" of two random drunks in front of you man if not disrespect?...


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 21,693 Mod ✭✭✭✭helimachoptor


    Op i think your wife is over reacting. My Gf can certainly handle herself but sometimes some lads dont know when to take no for an answer. Case in point, about a year ago we were out in a club a good few of us dancing in a group.. well me trying to dance :), anyway this came up behind her and wrap his arms around her.. she turns around and gives him the stare of death.. he doesnt take the hint and tries it again. So of I go to push him away. A few mins later I was up wetting the lips at the bar and this guy is up trying it again.. now its time to get serious walk straight up to him and tell him to f**k off.

    He took the less than subtle hint but fair play to you op. If you had done nothing she'd still be moaning!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭Noffles


    Pretty much how I expected the responses, I may of been a little vague on the actual drunks, they are known in the pub but I would not call them friends of ours at all.

    I didn't mean that my wife was disrespecting me, I meant they had no respect for me or her, that is certainly disrespect.

    I was asked to leave as I was seen as the aggressor, which I did.

    My wife wasn't flirting, she was actually trying to get past them and she's a friendly person anyway... so am I, to a point.


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I'm with RedXIV on this one. Yes great if you can cool down the situation without resorting to fists. Yes great if the woman thinks she can handle it, but if a partner of mine was being harassed and lifted off the ground then it's gone way beyond her capacity to handle it. I'd be cool but if the guy or guys involved wouldn't listen to reason, at that point scrawny though I may be, I would get unreasonable and no mistake. I would make no excuse for it nor feel guilty about feeling that way either. There exists a line that shouldn't be crossed, well IMHO there should be a line and this line was trampled on by your description. It's nothing to do with being macho or any of that guff either.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 714 ✭✭✭Smyth


    I really tire of the rigtheous brigade that frequent PI.

    You're a man. You're nothing more than a slightly evolved monkey. You body is filled with all sorts of chemicals and hormones. Natural reaction kicks in under these situations. F*** anyone who says that you should stand there and watch your woman be picked up by a group of drunks. What sort of b.s is that?

    You protect what is sacred to you, and you let people know it too. I mean how far are people willing to let things go? Will you stand by as she gets into full blown physical confrontation?

    Fair play to you for what you did. You don't own her that's true, but for this pro feminist, independant - I don't need a man to protect me brigade to come in and say to you that you should deny your base instinct to protect what you love and care about is stupid.

    You would have eaten yourself up about it if you had done nothing. You wife should appreciate what you did. She's a lucky girl.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    Bearing in mind that we're only hearing one side of the story, if I was in this situation and my boyfriend offered to help or responded when I asked him for help then I'd be delighted. If he just stepped in without asking me first I'd be pissed at him, possibly even more so than the drunks. It's a bit too possessive for me - as in relating to a possession.

    As for the "your woman" BS, that's cringe worthy imo.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,571 ✭✭✭herya


    As for the "your woman" BS, that's cringe worthy imo.

    I disagree, and I am liberal and a mild feminist.

    It's not only "your woman", it's "your man", "your brother", "your mum". People who are close instinctively help each other when they see the other is in trouble.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    It sounds like a storm in a teacup really. She was trying to get past them. You probably should have just told them to stop pawing your wife and then aided her in her efforts to get away from them.

    If they knew she was your wife and they were doing what you say they were doing in the context you say they were doing it... then you showed considerable restraint.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,705 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    Noffles wrote: »
    A tad dramatic title but the gist of the story is:

    We were out having a few drinks and some old drunks were pawing at her then picking her up and stuff... which in my opinion is simply not on, I would never ever touch another woman like that so why should someone touch my wife of all people???

    Anyway, the result was one of the blokes ended up on the floor, shoved I may add not belted, and I was asked to leave, my wife left just prior to me...

    Since then my wife has been really annoyed with me and initially I could see her point and have taken it onboard... But to add, I have told here that I won't have this and if it happens again I would do the same and if the gentlemen were being stubborn or aggressive I would not hesitate to belt someone for this..

    What are people comments here, this is something I take very seriously, women should be treated with respect and wives while the husbands are present even more so...


    oh this one

    ok

    1 tell wife " we should leave for somewher cultured and cool (expensive) and we shall take a taxi"

    2 walk to taxi place

    3 "oh me oh my i have forgotten my phone i shall return"

    4 (boards does not condone violence)

    5 run to wife goin g here it is get taxi to better place be happy dopn't tell wife they don't under stand


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 16,705 ✭✭✭✭Tigger


    Smyth wrote: »
    I really tire of the rigtheous brigade that frequent PI.

    You're a man. You're nothing more than a slightly evolved monkey. You body is filled with all sorts of chemicals and hormones. Natural reaction kicks in under these situations. F*** anyone who says that you should stand there and watch your woman be picked up by a group of drunks. What sort of b.s is that?

    You protect what is sacred to you, and you let people know it too. I mean how far are people willing to let things go? Will you stand by as she gets into full blown physical confrontation?

    Fair play to you for what you did. You don't own her that's true, but for this pro feminist, independant - I don't need a man to protect me brigade to come in and say to you that you should deny your base instinct to protect what you love and care about is stupid.

    You would have eaten yourself up about it if you had done nothing. You wife should appreciate what you did. She's a lucky girl.

    i like you but my way is better


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Smyth wrote: »
    I really tire of the rigtheous brigade that frequent PI.

    You're a man. You're nothing more than a slightly evolved monkey. You body is filled with all sorts of chemicals and hormones. Natural reaction kicks in under these situations. F*** anyone who says that you should stand there and watch your woman be picked up by a group of drunks. What sort of b.s is that?

    You protect what is sacred to you, and you let people know it too. I mean how far are people willing to let things go? Will you stand by as she gets into full blown physical confrontation?

    Fair play to you for what you did. You don't own her that's true, but for this pro feminist, independant - I don't need a man to protect me brigade to come in and say to you that you should deny your base instinct to protect what you love and care about is stupid.

    You would have eaten yourself up about it if you had done nothing. You wife should appreciate what you did. She's a lucky girl.
    QFT.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,199 ✭✭✭G-Money


    Gyalist wrote: »
    Your wife was likely flirting and enjoying the attention of the other men. With you nearby, she obviously felt secure in doing so and felt capable of dealing with the situation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her doing that. All this talk about her showing disrespect for you is nonsense.

    Could not disagree more. If that's the way things are, I guess it's perfectly ok for him to flirt with other girls.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,984 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    Smyth wrote: »
    I really tire of the rigtheous brigade that frequent PI.

    You're a man. You're nothing more than a slightly evolved monkey. You body is filled with all sorts of chemicals and hormones. Natural reaction kicks in under these situations. F*** anyone who says that you should stand there and watch your woman be picked up by a group of drunks. What sort of b.s is that?

    You protect what is sacred to you, and you let people know it too. I mean how far are people willing to let things go? Will you stand by as she gets into full blown physical confrontation?

    Fair play to you for what you did. You don't own her that's true, but for this pro feminist, independant - I don't need a man to protect me brigade to come in and say to you that you should deny your base instinct to protect what you love and care about is stupid.

    You would have eaten yourself up about it if you had done nothing. You wife should appreciate what you did. She's a lucky girl.
    If everyone behaved like the way you are condoning we'd have anarchy every night of the week.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    kippy wrote: »
    If everyone behaved like the way you are condoning we'd have anarchy every night of the week.

    How so? Most sensible guys don't maul other men's wives.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 310 ✭✭TaxiManMartin


    Bearing in mind that we're only hearing one side of the story, if I was in this situation and my boyfriend offered to help or responded when I asked him for help then I'd be delighted. If he just stepped in without asking me first I'd be pissed at him, possibly even more so than the drunks. It's a bit too possessive for me - as in relating to a possession.

    As for the "your woman" BS, that's cringe worthy imo.

    Do you think any woman should make her husband watch his wife get man handled then. Or should he go up while shes over the assailants shoulder and say "excuse me dear but i grow weary of watching you being man handled. Would you mind awfully if i decked this fuker?"


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,894 ✭✭✭dreamer_ire


    Noffles wrote: »
    women should be treated with respect and wives while the husbands are present even more so...

    I can see both of your points of view. She obviously elt she was in control of things and didn't need help, you on the other hand were pi**ed that some drunken idiot was pawing your wife. I agree with the other posters tho that violence isn't called for unless you are defending yourself.... in this case it does appear uncalled for and more than anything that's probably what's pi**ing off your wife.

    What concerns me about your post is the highlighted bit.... this is the part of the post that's mad imo. Because you are there she's more of a "no go" area? To me that's more about you than your wife's safety.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    Noffles wrote: »
    What are people comments here, this is something I take very seriously, women should be treated with respect and wives while the husbands are present even more so...

    The mere possession of a vagina doesn't automatically entitle a woman to respect.

    You still haven't explicitly said what it was that your wife was so annoyed about which is why I'm inclined to think that your story is self-serving and that we haven't been told the whole truth.
    Smyth wrote: »
    I really tire of the rigtheous brigade that frequent PI
    You wife should appreciate what you did. She's a lucky girl.

    Equally tiresome are the keyboard warriors and Internet White Knights who talk the talk but would be quivering in their boots if they ever have to match their talk with actions.
    Could not disagree more. If that's the way things are, I guess it's perfectly ok for him to flirt with other girls.

    Yes, and why not?


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    Gyalist wrote: »
    The mere possession of a vagina doesn't automatically entitle a woman to respect.
    Agreed 100%, though I would say everyone regardless of gender should be afforded the respect of their boundaries not being trampled on. Lifting someone up in the context outlined is an aggressive act, again regardless of gender.
    You still haven't explicitly said what it was that your wife was so annoyed about which is why I'm inclined to think that your story is self-serving and that we haven't been told the whole truth.
    I agree here too, there does seem to be something missing here.


    Equally tiresome are the keyboard warriors and Internet White Knights who talk the talk but would be quivering in the boots if they ever have to match their talk with actions.
    +100, I couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag, but there would be a line, which when crossed where I would intervene nonetheless and I think if more did, we may have less anarchy and BS not more. Intervening doesn't just mean throwing digs around either. Getting security to sort it out would be one way, trying to diffuse the situation by making a joke or simply talking to the people involved would be another. Those would be the first ports of call for me and hopefully that would sort it. I will say IME it usually does. On only two occasions in my life where that didn't sort it and things were escalated. In one case it was a woman involved and in another a guy.

    I have to say though that there are some women who get off on this stuff to some degree or other and will actively cause ructions and then step back. Any guy working security will tell you that. They will give a man static if he does nothing and often give the same man static if he does something. They're to be avoided like the plague. I've also been in situations where a woman has told me that she was handling it and on another occasion gave me grief because I didn't step up.

    As I say it's better to diffuse the situation, before it gets out of hand. That goes for the woman as well as the guy too. I still say there is a point where it does have to go beyond that though.
    Yes, and why not?
    I would say it depends entirely on the level and situation. I am not going to actively flirt with women in the presence(or not actually) of a girlfriend. Out of respect for her and our relationship. If a woman did this to me anyway consistently she would be calmly asked what was what and asked to stop. If she didn't stop she would be gone TBH.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 8,199 ✭✭✭G-Money


    My own opinion is that if a person is seeing someone, why do they have to "flirt" with anyone else? To me flirting is a way of trying to get someone else interested. So if you have an OH but are flirting with someone else, you are either not happy with your current relationship and/or are looking an ego boost. If it's the latter, it seems pretty vain.

    I'm sure I will get flamed by all those who actively engage in "harmless flirting" now. In my mind, there's no such thing. If you are with someone, there's no reason to be flirting with someone else. End of story.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭Noffles


    A number of times it's been asked why the wife was so mad with me... well the main reason seems to be that we live in a VERY small village and this is our local. She didn't want us being banned or being labelled, me being labeled that is, as trouble makers... It's one of those places that everyone knows what happens so my actions will of been talked about and amplified I'm sure.

    Seems to of all blown over now.... but I'd do it again if I thought there was an "issue"..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,294 ✭✭✭Jack B. Badd


    herya wrote: »
    People who are close instinctively help each other when they see the other is in trouble.

    Yes, they do but most people also learn at a young age that the ability to stand on your own two feet and/or fight your own battles and allowing others to do the same is intrinsic to being able to live with other human beings.
    Noffles wrote: »
    seriously, women should be treated with respect and wives while the husbands are present even more so...

    I believe that all individuals regardless of gender or marital status should be treated with a nominal level of respect by those around them. Beyond that, respect is earned. For someone to say that a person is entitled to a higher nominal level of respect than the person next to them based solely on gender, age, marital status, class is prejudiced and insulting to both parties regardless of who apparently benefits.
    Do you think any woman should make her husband watch his wife get man handled then. Or should he go up while shes over the assailants shoulder and say "excuse me dear but i grow weary of watching you being man handled. Would you mind awfully if i decked this fuker?"

    I don't think that there is anything in the OP's post to indicate that his wife was encouraging her being "handled". If he was uncomfortable with the situation, he should have asked her if she wanted his help to resolve it. If she believed she could resolve it herself then she's entitled to do so without him interfering against her consent. If she was actively encouraging the men or flirting with them and he's not happy with that then they need to have a discussion as a couple to (re-)establish the boundaries and expectations of their relationship.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,984 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    NickNolte wrote: »
    How so? Most sensible guys don't maul other men's wives.

    You're hearing this story from one point of view. "Mauling" is a very broad term. There was apparently a shedload of drink involved.
    Based on what the OP has since said, small village, locals etc. You'd be far better trying to avoid a violent situation in this case.
    99 times out of a 100 you can avoid violence.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    kippy wrote: »
    You're hearing this story from one point of view.

    So what? I'm assuming he's telling the truth.
    kippy wrote: »
    "Mauling" is a very broad term.

    A bunch of drunk blokes with their hands all over your wife. Calling mauling. Call it whatever. It's completely unacceptable.
    kippy wrote: »
    There was apparently a shedload of drink involved.

    That excuse doesn't work.
    kippy wrote: »
    99 times out of a 100 you can avoid violence.

    I agree. One warning to get their hands off your wife. 99% of the time they'll probably stop. Simple.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,984 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    NickNolte wrote: »
    So what? I'm assuming he's telling the truth.



    A bunch of drunk blokes with their hands all over your wife. Calling mauling. Call it whatever. It's completely unacceptable.



    That excuse doesn't work.



    I agree. One warning to get their hands off your wife. 99% of the time they'll probably stop. Simple.
    He may be telling the truth, but its from his point of view. I never said anyone was lying.

    Unacceptable, but again, from one point of view, a mauling to one person is a dance to any other person.

    Its not an excuse, its a reality. Drink was a factor, you need to handle drunk people differently to how you handle sober people.

    Violence is not the best option in many cases like this. Moving to a different area of the pub, a couple of words from your wife to them, a few words from yourself.
    Now your in a position where you've been kicked out of the local once, and had a "run in" with a few locals.
    Granted, these guys could be absolute idiots, none of us know what their like.

    Again, I can see why the OP is pissed off and can see why his wife may not have been too happy.
    Everyone has their own way with dealing with these situations.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,240 ✭✭✭CaptainSkidmark


    i think you did very well to hold yourself from not boxing him. you delt with it right, if you said nothing you would only look like a fool and if you said to him to stop you would possibly be laughed at and made look like a bigger fool!

    bottom line, no matter what you do in a situation like that your wife aint gonna be pleased either way. U know women like.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,259 ✭✭✭NickNolte


    kippy wrote: »
    Everyone has their own way with dealing with these situations.

    Agreed. It's worth being aware though that if you're intentionally pawing somebody's wife, you run the risk of getting a thump. Calling someone a 'caveman' or a fool for hitting someone who (knowingly) pawed their wife is ridiculous to be quite frank.

    At any rate, the OP's situation sounded like the kind of circumstance where a stern warning would suffice followed by getting his wife away from the pissheads.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,984 ✭✭✭✭kippy


    NickNolte wrote: »
    Agreed. It's worth being aware though that if you're intentionally pawing somebody's wife, you run the risk of getting a thump. Calling someone a 'caveman' or a fool for hitting someone who (knowingly) pawed their wife is ridiculous to be quite frank.

    At any rate, the OP's situation sounded like the kind of circumstance where a stern warning would suffice followed by getting his wife away from the pissheads.
    Id agree with you there.
    OP, I hope the guys sobered up and apologised the next time you met them (if they didnt they are probably idiots), other wise its gonne be awkward next time in that pub for ye.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 3,251 ✭✭✭AngryBadger


    Like it or not you were the aggressor, you could have simply put yourself next to your wife and I seriously doubt there would have been any further groping.

    Instead you decided to get physical.

    If this is going on and your wife is encouraging it, then you have a much bigger problem. But even if it's not, it didn't warrant you acting like a caveman. EIther your wife should have gotten rid of these guys herself, or as I said if you had just walked over and put your arm around her, or even jsut stood next to her whatever was going on would in all likelihood have stopped.

    Telling your wife that you're more than willing to deck someone if it continues to happen is pointless, all your doing is painting yourself as the aggressor again, (because whatever happens next time you've basically told her that you're primed and rearing for a fight), and because if this is going on and your wife is not putting a stop to it herself then you have to ask the question, "Why is she encouraging this?".


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭Noffles


    I agree with an awful lot of the responses and to be honest in retrospect I did over react to the situation... Maybe next time I'll try and think a little quicker and see the end result rather than a quick fix of shoving or belting someone... But in my own defence surely people should realize themselves that there is a line and it just shouldn't be crossed... personally I'd never touch another woman in any way... some others should learn this too.


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    I would be disgusted with my OH if he acted like you did. There are few reasons for violence and its not as if they attacked her. Im sure she was fully able to deal with the issue at hand - women are used to being grabbed on a night out and are generally adept at dealing with it and dodging it too.

    You reacted like a thug and are looking for justification here..


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭Noffles


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    I would be disgusted with my OH if he acted like you did. There are few reasons for violence and its not as if they attacked her. Im sure she was fully able to deal with the issue at hand - women are used to being grabbed on a night out and are generally adept at dealing with it and dodging it too.

    You reacted like a thug and are looking for justification here..

    Not really, I'm looking for opinions of sober people...

    And women should not have to put up with being mauled... we are not cavemen and cave women.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    What you did was cheap and most likely borne out of misplaced pride and posessiveness. It was self serving and was not asked for by your wife. You jumped in cos you were upset and annoyed and in the process you embarassed your Mrs.

    It has happened to me before and I told them I didnt like it and also 'reported' it to the barman.. There are ways other than violence.

    Anyway, what does it matter what a pack of stranger think - you wife has spoken and her opinion is the only important one.

    SS

    PS you sound like a caveman in your original post - women should be respected but especially when their husands are around hmmmmmm


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,549 ✭✭✭Noffles


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    What you did was cheap and most likely borne out of misplaced pride and posessiveness. It was self serving and was not asked for by your wife. You jumped in cos you were upset and annoyed and in the process you embarassed your Mrs.

    It has happened to me before and I told them I didnt like it and also 'reported' it to the barman.. There are ways other than violence.

    Anyway, what does it matter what a pack of stranger think - you wife has spoken and her opinion is the only important one.

    You're quite right there, my wife does have the only opinion that matters in this tale... so as I have disappointed her it shows I did the wrong thing... as I have said in an earlier post I'll rethink next time...

    Maybe, I'll have done this once and it may never happen again... well in my local anyway... could have a positive result, you never know.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Noffles wrote: »
    Maybe, I'll have done this once and it may never happen again... well in my local anyway... could have a positive result, you never know.

    You dont seem to have learned anything from this.... You dont see it was wrong and you are possibly going to do it again. Why bother posting?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    I would be disgusted with my OH if he acted like you did. There are few reasons for violence and its not as if they attacked her. Im sure she was fully able to deal with the issue at hand - women are used to being grabbed on a night out and are generally adept at dealing with it and dodging it too.

    You reacted like a thug and are looking for justification here..

    I hate this crap. Seriously. If a guy was attacking you, you'd expect your OH to come to your aid right? So what exactly do you need before it's acceptable? I've worked doors before and i've seen countless women who "are fully able to deal with the issue at hand". and they end up in hospital, jail cells, sobbing messes and similar. And quite alot of them could have been solved by someone having the balls to take a stand and end it. That doesn't mean throw a punch, it means being supportive, anything from standing beside her, pulling her away or to just having a word with other guys. Instead these "capable" women try and handle these drunken idiots, fail and end up worse off.

    The OP by no means acted like a thug. He gave a shove and left. A thug wouldn't have stopped there. I know, i've dealt with plenty. The problem here is your assuming everyone is reasonable when drinking when it's a fact that many are not. And i'll bet you'll be damn glad to have your OH there when you try to "deal" with one of them


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    RedXIV wrote: »
    I hate this crap. Seriously. If a guy was attacking you, you'd expect your OH to come to your aid right? So what exactly do you need before it's acceptable? I've worked doors before and i've seen countless women who "are fully able to deal with the issue at hand". and they end up in hospital, jail cells, sobbing messes and similar. And quite alot of them could have been solved by someone having the balls to take a stand and end it. That doesn't mean throw a punch, it means being supportive, anything from standing beside her, pulling her away or to just having a word with other guys. Instead these "capable" women try and handle these drunken idiots, fail and end up worse off.

    The OP by no means acted like a thug. He gave a shove and left. A thug wouldn't have stopped there. I know, i've dealt with plenty. The problem here is your assuming everyone is reasonable when drinking when it's a fact that many are not. And i'll bet you'll be damn glad to have your OH there when you try to "deal" with one of them

    Oh the drama.... Some lads were grabbing her and lifting her as she passed. 99% of women experience some element of this on a night out and she herself said she could handle it.

    I would not ask him to step in to protect me. A few words in the guys ears would have done. No need for macho man actions in this case.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    Oh the drama.... Some lads were grabbing her and lifting her as she passed. 99% of women experience some element of this on a night out and she herself said she could handle it.

    I would not ask him to step in to protect me. A few words in the guys ears would have done. No need for macho man actions in this case.

    yeah and every girl who ended up in hospital thought they could handle it. :rolleyes:

    Fact of the matter is, you're gonna keep thinking that till you learn the hard way. Not every guy is gonna stop after a few words. I'd rather play safe than sorry. It may make a bit more of a scene but i know my OH is a hell of alot safer if i step in regardless how the other guys act. I don't care how it looks because she's that important to me.

    It's not about trying to be the dominant guy in the room. Its about protecting those important to you.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    RedXIV wrote: »
    yeah and every girl who ended up in hospital thought they could handle it. :rolleyes:

    Fact of the matter is, you're gonna keep thinking that till you learn the hard way. Not every guy is gonna stop after a few words. I'd rather play safe than sorry. It may make a bit more of a scene but i know my OH is a hell of alot safer if i step in regardless how the other guys act. I don't care how it looks because she's that important to me.

    It's not about trying to be the dominant guy in the room. Its about protecting those important to you.

    We will never agree on this. I hate violence and think its crude and until its 100% necessary and in defense then it should be avoided.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    SarahSassy wrote: »
    We will never agree on this. I hate violence and think its crude and until its 100% necessary and in defense then it should be avoided.

    Probably not. I'd like to live in the world where everyone shared your view but unfortunately not everyone shares your morals. That and by the time you realise violence is necessary, its already too late. I wouldn't be one to punch straight away, but if a guy was picking my OH up and she looked uncomfortable, i'd have no problem pulling her down and giving him an informative shove.


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