I better go just to show my face!

pebbles21

A friend says this to me who went to a funeral mass of a man who he has never met but is a cousin of a guy he knows in his local pub where he drinks the odd time

why do people do this ?when im sure the family involved couldnt give a rats arse if he went or not ???

same could be said for a number of other gatherings where people dont want to go but feel they should "just to show their face"

or am i missing something ?

Armin_Tamzarian

As old Jimmy McFettrich from down the road does say.

"You don't notice who is there but you do notice who isn't there."

ScumLord

pebbles21 wrote: »

why do people do this ?

Free drink. Go.

4zn76tysfajdxp

pebbles21 wrote: »

or am i missing something ?

People notice that sort of thing. A close relative of mine died tragically some years ago and my parents go to the funerals of anyone or their relatives who went to that funeral.

Ann22

That's a term I hear often. I don't think it's meant in a bad way. Sometimes people go to funerals of folk they don't know to let the particular bereaved family member they do know that they care enough to make the effort. They may not have known the departed but I remember to this day people that went to my father's funeral...on the miserable day it was with the rain p*ssing down. The people who cared enough to 'show their faces' meant a lot.

Sharpshooter

When My mam died I couldn't tell you who was at the funeral mass and who wasn't.
Apart from the obvious person.:(

pebbles21

Heidi Spicy Spinach wrote: »

People notice that sort of thing. A close relative of mine died tragically some years ago and my parents go to the funerals of anyone or their relatives who went to that funeral.

thats fair enough then because they want to go

but i talking bout people who dont want to go at all and usually say in a depressed voice "fcuk i better go and show me face !"

Overheal

Faces say a lot. about 500 people showed up to my Stepmom's funeral. I didn't think that many people even lived in the village, let alone knew her. Invited a bit of Awe really.

Ann22

Sharpshooter wrote: »

When My mam died I couldn't tell you who was at the funeral mass and who wasn't.
Apart from the obvious person.:(

Sorry about your mam...can't imagine losing mine. I don't remember everyone at my father's mass but some I didn't expect to see stood out in my mind. People who called to the house, like two local doctors. I thought it was so good of them to take the trouble.

javaboy

It's just an etiquette thing. Depending on where you live and the age profile and various other factors, it can be a mortal sin not to go to a funeral of anyone less than 3 degrees of separation from you. It's not really for the sake of the family. They're grieving and aren't likely to notice or care. It's often just to stop tongues wagging that such and such wasn't there.

I have no time for that kind of crap. But then I don't bother with a lot of social niceties that some people hold in such high regard e.g. thank you cards. Oooh you didn't send a thank you card to such and such. That'll come back to haunt you. Balls.

Riddle101

Some people are just insecure that if they don't go then people will get the wrong impression that they don't care and then everybody will think they're pieces of sh!t for not turning up and showing their support to the the person who's dead and his/her family.

Same thing happened to me, A classmate of mine a couple of years ago lost her mom and I didn't go to the mass, but I kept thinking about whether or not people would notice that I was there and that the next day at school I'd have people given me dirty looks and I thought the girl might have gotten the wrong impression and would be talking sh!t about me. Nonetheless the girl didn't seem to care and as far as I know things are pretty cool with us. But still, the night of the mass I kept thinking to myself about whether or not I should have gone to pay my respects.

javaboy

Riddle101 wrote: »

Some people are just insecure that if they don't go then people will get the wrong impression that they don't care and then everybody will think they're pieces of sh!t for not turning up and showing their support to the the person who's dead and his/her family.

That's true. But there are actually some people who will think they're pieces of sh!t for not turning up and showing their support to the the person who's dead and his/her family.

easyeason3

Common enough where I come from. Showing they're face might not mean anything to the immediate family but could mean an awful lot to cousins/ nephews/ nieces etc who will eventually get around to mentioning it to the immediate family.
Also you have to remember that there is a book of condolences to be signed at most houses/ funeral homes/ churches so don't get caught out on that.

Senna

Like politicians in rural areas, they go to every funeral in the area regardless of who died, just to be seen. One TD in particular at my dads funeral was there in the hope of getting more votes, it wasn't for dad anyway as he knew my dad despised him.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

It's common courtesy really. Be it a funeral, wedding, birthday or any important do. Showing your face lets people know that you care, how ever little it may be. We are a country of begrudgers. Not going to something you were invited to wouldn't be good.

I go to "show my face" from time to time. A lot of the time, if it costs me money etc etc I state that and just don't go.

4zn76tysfajdxp

Valentin Wet Penny wrote: »

We are a country of begrudgers. Not going to something you were invited to wouldn't be good.

Not going to the funeral of somebody you hardly know is hardly begrudgery. Also, who gets inited to funerals? I've never heard of this happening. It's not like cards are sent out in advance or something.*




*Unless Jessica Fletcher is coming to town.

easyeason3

Senna wrote: »

Like politicians in rural areas, they go to every funeral in the area regardless of who died, just to be seen. One TD in particular at my dads funeral was there in the hope of getting more votes, it wasn't for dad anyway as he knew my dad despised him.

Don't agree with that. When my uncle died & TD's from different parts of the country went to the funeral regardless of political views. They went because they knew him or someone close to him.
Two of them from opposing parties even managed to have a drink together at the funeral, shock :eek:

Anyway sorry to hear about your dad, but he must have been sniggering at the hated politician. And ye must have been sniggering along with him without realising it

javaboy

Heidi Spicy Spinach wrote: »

*Unless Jessica Fletcher is coming to town.

You better watch out.
You better not cry.
You better not be in any way connected to her nephew.
J.B. Fletch is coming to town!

Snowie

ive tried reading this thread 5 times and still can't fathom it

4zn76tysfajdxp

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

ive tried reading this thread 5 times and still can't fathom it

Too deep?

Snowie

Heidi Spicy Spinach wrote: »

Too deep?

yeah man way deep so deep infact i feel like im sittin with a bunch of monk fish :rolleyes:......

Senna

easyeason3 wrote: »

Don't agree with that. When my uncle died & TD's from different parts of the country went to the funeral regardless of political views. They went because they knew him or someone close to him.
Two of them from opposing parties even managed to have a drink together at the funeral, shock :eek:

Anyway sorry to hear about your dad, but he must have been sniggering at the hated politician. And ye must have been sniggering along with him without realising it

I mean politicians that don't know the person that died, if they knew the person no-one would think they're there "just to be seen". In my fathers case there was a few different politicians, but the rest knew dad, this one cúnt had no reason to be there. Its a long story but i'm not going into it.

MondaysSuck

one of my friends dose this all the time for people he barely knows when its there birthday. never understood it myself.

stovelid

Nobody is being harmed by the practice and the family will probably be gratified by a large turn-out.

Going along to these things is no more mystifying to me than strenuous objections to it, basically.

mandysmithers

javaboy wrote: »

I have no time for that kind of crap. But then I don't bother with a lot of social niceties that some people hold in such high regard e.g. thank you cards. Oooh you didn't send a thank you card to such and such. That'll come back to haunt you. Balls.

I always sand a thank you card, it's just manners, and shows your appreciation. People really like it, and I would definitely notice if someone didn't thank me for something (I mean something significant, like a wedding present). Although, it doesn't have to be a thank you card, but it depends on the person and your relationship to them. And believe me, it will come back to bite you on the ass, or alternatively, it will pay off. Not every time you send one/don't send one, but it will. I've seen it countless times.

javaboy

mandysmithers wrote: »

And believe me, it will come back to bite you on the ass, or alternatively, it will pay off. Not every time you send one/don't send one, but it will. I've seen it countless times.

You see that's exactly what I object to. The idea that because I didn't thank somebody in the official manner as per protocol, that I should suffer some kind of payback down the line. Anyone who would take offence at not getting thanked properly when they're one of maybe a hundred people giving the bride and groom a gift just shouldn't bother. You don't give to get and that applies even to something as small as a thank you card.

As far as I'm concerned they can have their toaster back.

seamus

Don't understand this, "to be seen" lark at all. If you know someone who's been emotionally affected by it, or you otherwise have some reason for paying your respects, then go.
If you didn't know the guy or don't particularly have any care for his family, don't go. Don't see the issue tbh, if someone gives a crap that you didn't turn up, that's their problem.

A guy I went to school with committed suicide after 6th year. I never liked him or his friends and as far as I was concerned, he was a complete prick whose death caused no strong emotions in me whatsoever. So I stayed in bed instead of going to his funeral. Still don't understand to this day why my brother thought that was a horrible thing to do.

javaboy

seamus wrote: »

Don't understand this, "to be seen" lark at all. If you know someone who's been emotionally affected by it, or you otherwise have some reason for paying your respects, then go.
If you didn't know the guy or don't particularly have any care for his family, don't go. Don't see the issue tbh, if someone gives a crap that you didn't turn up, that's their problem.

Also if a load of people not really connected to the deceased turn up and the church is packed, some people who really should be there might not get seen. There was a funeral in my family before my time and for years everybody though that a certain family member didn't go because he just wasn't seen in a packed church and nobody remembered him being there. The sad thing is that nobody told him why he was being treated like a pariah. It was eventually cleared up but it caused untold hassle. Silly people.

Rebelheart

pebbles21 wrote: »

A friend says this to me who went to a funeral mass of a man who he has never met but is a cousin of a guy he knows in his local pub where he drinks the odd time

why do people do this ?when im sure the family involved couldnt give a rats arse if he went or not ???

same could be said for a number of other gatherings where people dont want to go but feel they should "just to show their face"

or am i missing something ?

The funeral tradition I love is the concept of "following" as it's known uniquely in Hiberno-English. It was much more common to be at a funeral and somebody you know would turn around to you and ask you "who are you following?", meaning what's your connection with the deceased. It would usually be said because they've been trying to work out how you are connected to them but have failed and come to the conclusion that you are only there "following" somebody - e.g. your very close neighbour was friends with the deceased and you came along with her out of respect for your neighbour and her relationship with the deceased.

Not a single google search result for it, though!

javaboy

Rebelheart wrote: »

The funeral tradition I love is the concept of "following" as it's known uniquely in Hiberno-English. It was much more common to be at a funeral and somebody you know would turn around to you and ask you "who are you following?", meaning what's your connection with the deceased. It would usually be said because they've been trying to work out how you are connected to them but have failed and come to the conclusion that you are only there "following" somebody - e.g. your very close neighbour was friends with the deceased and you came along with her out of respect for your neighbour and her relationship with the deceased.

Not a single google search result for it, though!

Just say Bohs.

mandysmithers

javaboy wrote: »

You see that's exactly what I object to. The idea that because I didn't thank somebody in the official manner as per protocol, that I should suffer some kind of payback down the line. Anyone who would take offence at not getting thanked properly when they're one of maybe a hundred people giving the bride and groom a gift just shouldn't bother. You don't give to get and that applies even to something as small as a thank you card.

As far as I'm concerned they can have their toaster back.

If I'm giving someone, anyone, €200 of my hard-earned money, the least I would expect is a thank you! If you went to a wedding and didn't bring a gift, the couple would most certainly be offended, unless you were close to them and they knew you were skint. If a person makes an effort to give you a gift, you at least say thank you.

The kind of payback I'm on about is mainly in, say, business. For example, if I owned a business and sponsored someone, and they never thanked me properly, I'd never give them another penny. Or if I broke my arse helping someone with something like moving house, I'd expect a proper thank you. It's just manners and common sense really.

Like I said, it doesn't have to be a thank you card, just some gesture of appreciation. You'd be surprised at how many people underestimate the value of a thank you, or what effect the lack of one can have.

Dennis the Stone

At my grandmother's funeral, nobody said anything.

ejmaztec

One of our old family acquaintances went to all of the funerals within a twenty mile radius. He popped up in the most unlikely places for free tea, booze and sandwiches.

Whenever he wasn't at a funeral, he was described as "sniffing for a corpse":eek:

Dennis the Stone

An uncle of mine was asked why he wasn't going to a particular funeral and he quipped "I'm not going to her funeral. She won't be coming to mine."

He is a bit of a bollocks though in fairness

Soby

Go for the triangle sandwiches;)

Captain-America

It's a sign of respect. Maybe not so much to the dead person, but to the people you know.

And it's an extra Mass point for when you go to heaven. God loves a mass goer.

Fizman

I had a strange experience about a month ago. An old friend of my dad passed away, a man I never met. My dad hadn't seen him for a year or two, and he passed suddenly enough. MY old man did a lot of work with this guy many moons ago, and would have known his family through having lunch in their house etc.

On the evening of his funeral my dad was travelling with work, so he wasn't around to attend. He asked myself and my mum to go (my mum had only met him once in the past, years ago), so I said I would, if only for my dad.

Now I didn't know a single face in the dead house, nor many outside it. When my mum and I got to the deceased mans wife, my mum introduced me, explaining why my dad couldn't attend. This was the strange part. Her eyes almost lit up, as if she were looking at my dad. We even spoke for about 15-20 seconds, with her daughters beside us also smiling knowing who we were.

It was mad that, even though my dad couldn't 'show a face'...the people seemed so grateful that my mum and I were there and to be honest seeing there reaction made the whole trip worthwhile.