No guilt after termination - am I alone?

therapy

Before I start, I really don't want this to become a pro-life or anti-abortion debate.

Just over two years ago, I had a termination. At that time, I was alone and had a young child from a previous relationship and would have been alone with 2 children. I have little support from family and could not have gone through with the pregnancy as I had found the previous few years very, very difficult. After almost 2 years of raising my child (practically) alone, I had just returned to work, settled in a new home, come off the meds for PND and was really beginning to feel that my life was going to be ok again. I foolishly got pregnant (by the father of my first child) again. It hadn't worked for us before, he wasn't interested in another child and has very little interest in our first child, so I decided to have a termination.

And yes, I feel guilt and was an emotional wreck at the time. I went to the UK alone - to this day, no one knows about this situation only myself and my ex. It was a horrible, horrible time.

But very soon after the first few weeks of tears (more of anger at myself), I woke up one day and just thought 'It was the right thing for me' and I have continued to think this way.

I have never looked back. My life has improved dramatically since the termination. Things have happened for me and my son that could never have happened for us, if I'd had two children. I would never have been able to financially or emotionally support us, would have ended up on Social Welfare etc.

Sometimes I think I'll wake up one day, and have regrets that I didn't have that child. I often wonder have I just blocked it out of my mind, and not necessarily 'dealt' with it and that it will come back to haunt me at a future date. But I know it was the right thing for me to do at the time.

So my question is really am I alone in not regretting my termination? Are there other women out there like me?

Communicator

No, I don't think you're alone therapy.

I do think that women like you don't publish their feelings or thoughts enough though. I understand that this is an issue you may not want to shout from the rooftops, but I know a friend who feels exactly like you. It was the right decision for her, at the time. She too, has never looked back.

Too often we only hear of the women who never recover from the guilt etc (of which, I'm aware there are many) and who's lives have been ruined because of a termination.

Nobody has a termination without thinking it through though - I think you're feeling guilty, for not feeling guilty, if that makes sense?

havana

No you are not alone. I had a termination 9 years ago and have never had a minutes regret, felt guilty or wondered 'what if?' It was right for me at the time and I have no doubts that I made the right decision - for me. I understand that it's not right for everyone and why some may struggle with it, but as you say i have never looked back.

Totally agree with communicator - I think there is this expectation that we should feel awful and that some women do can be used as a reason against it. But everyone is different.

I wonder why you are posting this now though? Do you think you should feel guilty or have regrets? You shouldn't, you made the right decision for you, and did nothing wrong.

BTW I wonder if this would be better in PI so people can go Unreg to reply - some might be put off replying otherwise, I did consider not posting as I couldn't go Unreg.

therapy

I didn't realise you can't go unreg in this section - I wanted to go unreg myself!

Can the mods move it to PI please??

And thanks havana...

I think the reason I'm thinking about this now is that my life has changed again and having spent a long time single, I'm now in a wonderful relationship and thinking of having another child....I honestly never thought I'd feel like this again as, like I said, the first few years of my sons life were very difficult for me.

havana

Thats wonderful Therapy and best of luck with it!

You are in a different place now and part of that is probably because of the choice you made. That should strengthen the fact that you made the right the decision for you, not cause you to question it.

Good luck xx

Zulu

Of course you are not along.
Guilt is a personal thing.

For example, a soilder might feel no guilt at killing, or a rapist might feel no guilt.
(Not suggesting you case is similar to murder/rape; I'm trying to describe that some people feel guilt, others don't for a host of different reasons)

I'd be conderned if a person "knew" that they did something terrible and wrong and felt no guilt. But it would appear that this doesn't apply to you.

Orla K

My friend had an abortion in her teens, she never once felt any guilt. Last year she was told she wouldn't be able to have children and she still didn't feel guilty, but now she's engaged, about 8 months pregnant and is delighted still with no guilt.

therapy

therapy wrote: »

So my question is really am I alone in not regretting my termination? Are there other women out there like me?

Of course there are!
I know it is an american site but it might help a little bit to read other stories:
http://www.imnotsorry.net/

philologos

I don't think that there wasn't any guilt. If that was the case what warranted the anger after the first week? Conscience is a strange thing, and people find different ways to suppress it in some scenarios.

Jakkass

Jakkass wrote: »

I don't think that there wasn't any guilt. If that was the case what warranted the anger after the first week? Conscience is a strange thing, and people find different ways to suppress it in some scenarios.

She's already said she felt guilt. And if her conscience is now clear, it's clear.

Terodil

Jakkass wrote: »

I don't think that there wasn't any guilt. If that was the case what warranted the anger after the first week?

There can be a lot of reasons for anger. Disappointment, the feeling of powerlessness, feeling alone, ... it's not necessarily guilt. Trying to guilt-trip a woman who's had an abortion seriously is below low.

Jakkass wrote: »

Conscience is a strange thing, and people find different ways to suppress it in some scenarios.

... or to come to terms with it.

OP, I think you are just coming to terms with it. Humankind would long have died out, was it not for the wondrous ability of our mind to come to terms with stuff, and, yes, push it out of our minds. Otherwise we'd literally choke on our histories. We'll only sometimes glance back and wonder, like you do now. Don't worry. Accept your history as part of you, but don't let it burden you. You have a perfectly healthy mind.

philologos

Terodil wrote: »

There can be a lot of reasons for anger. Disappointment, the feeling of powerlessness, feeling alone, ... it's not necessarily guilt. Trying to guilt-trip a woman who's had an abortion seriously is below low.

I wouldn't say so. I think guilt can bring forth acceptance of wrongs and allow for people to move on with their lives having actually dealt with. I don't think it's a low of low to think that people should think about what they have done wrong and consider what they should do in the future should issue x arise again. I'd argue we all need to do this, I've certainly done this when I have screwed up and I think it's a positive thing to be able to do. At least if you feel guilt you know you haven't suppressed your conscience and you have a desire in your heart to do what is right. That's more important than people recognise. Other people trying to enforce guilt on others isn't a good idea however.

Terodil wrote: »

OP, I think you are just coming to terms with it. Humankind would long have died out, was it not for the wondrous ability of our mind to come to terms with stuff, and, yes, push it out of our minds. Otherwise we'd literally choke on our histories. We'll only sometimes glance back and wonder, like you do now. Don't worry. Accept your history as part of you, but don't let it burden you. You have a perfectly healthy mind.

This isn't a psychologically healthy thing to do though. Suppressed memories can re-emerge and they can cause harm to the individual later. It's best to actually deal with your issues rather than just close off your conscience to them. I agree with your latter advice, but I also agree that people should embrace guilt as a means of positive change.

Jakkass

Jakkass wrote: »

I wouldn't say so. I think guilt can bring forth acceptance of wrongs and allow for people to move on with their lives having actually dealt with. I don't think it's a low of low to think that people should think about what they have done wrong and consider what they should do in the future should issue x arise again. I'd argue we all need to do this, I've certainly done this when I have screwed up and I think it's a positive thing to be able to do. At least if you feel guilt you know you haven't suppressed your conscience and you have a desire in your heart to do what is right. That's more important than people recognise. Other people trying to enforce guilt on others isn't a good idea however.

So now you're working off the assumption that "she's done wrong" and "screwed up"? Because if you weren't, you wouldn't be posting this.
Ffs, she might feel just fine about it and that's perfectly ok. She doesn't have to suppress her conscience to be moving on after a termination.
:mad:
Just because you have a problem with it doesn't mean you have to come in her trying to guilt trip her and make her feel bad about something YOU disagree with.

philologos

bluewolf: I can only give my opinion. You know how I view the ethics of abortion, as such surely it was expected that I would respond in such a fashion? It seems to me that the OP originally had guilt but eventually suppressed it, that's the only way I can really see it. She's welcome to feel whatever way she wants about it. This is a discussion board, people give their opinions on things. I don't intend to cause offence.

Terodil

Bluewolf has pretty much said what needed to be said, let me just add one more thing in reply to your post:

Jakkass wrote: »

This isn't a psychologically healthy thing to do though. Suppressed memories can re-emerge and they can cause harm to the individual later. It's best to actually deal with your issues rather than just close off your conscience to them.

Please read my post properly. I didn't say 'close off your conscience', I said 'come to terms with it', three times. Perpetuating guilt is unhealthy.

Jakkass

Jakkass wrote: »

bluewolf: I can only give my opinion. You know how I view the ethics of abortion, as such surely it was expected that I would respond in such a fashion?

This is distinctly not a thread on the ethics of abortion as stated in the very first line. This is a woman looking for experiences from other women. If you cannot stop yourself preaching and trying to guilt trip people, then one might suggest you keep your nose out and refrain from posting.
Not everything is a soapbox designed for you to preach from.

mods: apologies if this is backseat modding, I'll stop now.

Beruthiel

therapy wrote: »

So my question is really am I alone in not regretting my termination?

You do not feel guilt, because deep down, in your very core, you know you made the right decision.

philologos

bluewolf wrote: »

This is distinctly not a thread on the ethics of abortion as stated in the very first line. This is a woman looking for experiences from other women. If you cannot stop yourself preaching and trying to guilt trip people, then one might suggest you keep your nose out and refrain from posting.
Not everything is a soapbox designed for you to preach from.

mods: apologies if this is backseat modding, I'll stop now.

I haven't mentioned anything apart from the guilt. However from a pro-life view you are going to have a different view of this from pro-choice. I think it's rather comical that when anyone posts a contradictory view to the common pro-choice view that they are suddenly seen as "preaching", or "having a soapbox". I have recognised the autonomy of the OP to make their own decision on it, so how about you ease off a bit and maybe try to tolerate other opinions than your own?

havana

Jakkass wrote: »

It seems to me that the OP originally had guilt but eventually suppressed it, that's the only way I can really see it. She's welcome to feel whatever way she wants about it. .

She suppressed it? So no chance she actually dealt with it, moved on from it?

Jakkass wrote: »

However from a pro-life view you are going to have a different view of this from pro-choice.

I don't really see what pro choice or pro life has to do with this question! I do not feel any quilt - that is a fact. The fact that you are prolife and believe that I (or the OP) have supressed my guilt does not change that undisputible fact - I do not feel guilty about making a decision that was right for me at the time. There is no viewpoint on my feelings - they are my feelings.

philologos

havana: You're entirely welcome to have a different opinion of it than I do. I never said you didn't and I'm certainly not suggesting my interpretation is more accurate than anyone elses. These are just things that could be factors. I don't expect you to see it from my angle at all given your current opinion.

fatmammycat

OP, I know two women who have had terminations and both of them are perfectly fine with their decisions. Again as Havana says they don't shout their experiences freely, but I imagine there are plenty of women out there who make the right decision for them at that particular time in their lives and think no more about it. Incidentally, both of these women went on to become mothers later in life, that to me-and them- is what pro choice is about. Unenforced pregnancy and the right to decide when and what to do with your own body. You made your decision and I'm glad it worked out for you. The only shame as I see it is that the women I know had no choice but to 'export' their healthcare issues in order to deal with them.
It would be terrific if this thread did not decend into the usual pro-anti ring around.

philologos

How is pregnancy ever enforced? Just curious about this notion. Isn't there a choice to be made before the pregnancy even begins?

havana

Jakkass wrote: »

How is pregnancy ever enforced? Just curious about this notion. Isn't there a choice to be made before the pregnancy even begins?

Of course - but sometimes the choice you make does not always go to plan. I used contraception - that was my chioce to prevent a pregnancy I did not want. But things didn't go to plan. No my pregnancy was not forced on me but had I not been allowed to take the course of action I did then I would feel as it it had.

Terodil

Jakkass wrote: »

How is pregnancy ever enforced? Just curious about this notion. Isn't there a choice to be made before the pregnancy even begins?

Choices and wishes do not always come true. Sometimes we can choose one thing and fate/god/luck/chance decides to take another path. Sometimes other people make choices for us. Not all pregnancies are chosen.

fatmammycat

Jakkass wrote: »

How is pregnancy ever enforced? Just curious about this notion. Isn't there a choice to be made before the pregnancy even begins?

Tedious attempt there Jakkass. Let's play your game. Two people have sex, they use protection, despite this, shock horror, the women still gets pregnant. Neither party wants a child. They seek to terminate the pregnancy but can find no safe medical procedure available to them, ergo no choice BUT to travel to find medical help. Enforced pregnancy.
Actually, before contraception was available in this country and it was in the grip of the CC, I imagine there was a great deal of enforced pregnancy if the high number of births per family were anything to go by.
Again this is neither the time nor the place for an argument on the ethics of abortion. You don't believe a woman should have one, I think a woman's right to body sovereignty surpasses your personal dislike. Let's leave it at that.

Sam Vimes

therapy wrote: »

Before I start, I really don't want this to become a pro-life or anti-abortion debate.

Just over two years ago, I had a termination. At that time, I was alone and had a young child from a previous relationship and would have been alone with 2 children. I have little support from family and could not have gone through with the pregnancy as I had found the previous few years very, very difficult. After almost 2 years of raising my child (practically) alone, I had just returned to work, settled in a new home, come off the meds for PND and was really beginning to feel that my life was going to be ok again. I foolishly got pregnant (by the father of my first child) again. It hadn't worked for us before, he wasn't interested in another child and has very little interest in our first child, so I decided to have a termination.

And yes, I feel guilt and was an emotional wreck at the time. I went to the UK alone - to this day, no one knows about this situation only myself and my ex. It was a horrible, horrible time.

But very soon after the first few weeks of tears (more of anger at myself), I woke up one day and just thought 'It was the right thing for me' and I have continued to think this way.

I have never looked back. My life has improved dramatically since the termination. Things have happened for me and my son that could never have happened for us, if I'd had two children. I would never have been able to financially or emotionally support us, would have ended up on Social Welfare etc.

Sometimes I think I'll wake up one day, and have regrets that I didn't have that child. I often wonder have I just blocked it out of my mind, and not necessarily 'dealt' with it and that it will come back to haunt me at a future date. But I know it was the right thing for me to do at the time.

So my question is really am I alone in not regretting my termination? Are there other women out there like me?

What you're saying makes a lot of sense but I have to ask, why were abortion or raise it the only two options you considered? Why not adoption?

havana

Sam Vimes wrote: »

What you're saying makes a lot of sense but I have to ask, why were abortion or raise it the only two options you considered? Why not adoption?

I know this wasn't asked of me but i thought I answer too if thats ok.

For me it was a case of not wanting anyone else to know I was pregnant. Also I did not want to go through 9 months of a pregnancy - I was not in the place in my life for that at the time. To be honest it was not an option I gave any thought to really. I knew straight away that I did not want to be pregnant and I did not want a baby. I knew straight away the correct choice for me.

Sam Vimes

havana wrote: »

I know this wasn't asked of me but i thought I answer too if thats ok.

For me it was a case of not wanting anyone else to know I was pregnant. Also I did not want to go through 9 months of a pregnancy - I was not in the place in my life for that at the time. To be honest it was not an option I gave any thought to really. I knew straight away that I did not want to be pregnant and I did not want a baby. I knew straight away the correct choice for me.

I just can't understand that logic to be honest. Did the fact that it was another living human being not play any part in your decision? To me that trumps any thoughts about not wanting people to know or it not fitting in with your life etc.

I was adopted and I must say I'm quite glad the option of adoption occurred to my mother

havana

Sam Vimes wrote: »

I just can't understand that logic to be honest. Did the fact that it was another living human being not play any part in your decision? To me that trumps any thoughts about not wanting people to know or it not fitting in with your life etc.

I was adopted and I must say I'm quite glad the option of adoption occurred to my mother

I'm not going to get into the whole discussion about what constitutes life etc - this thread is not about that... and I'm not here to defend my decision either. Your experiences have coloured your opinions on this subject - as have mine influenced how I feel on the issue. though in saying that even before I was faced with this decision I was very much pro choice and was knew I would seriously consider this course of action should I be faced with the situation I found myself in.

Saying it did not fit in with my life is maybe too simplistic- at the time the relationship I was in was ending, I was starting a new career on very low wages, I still lived at home, there was already a baby in the house (my sisters) - and most importantly I did not want a child. All this influenced my decision and yes, for me 'trumped' the suggestion that there was a 'living being' in me.

I guess all this is what makes the world go round - the fact that we are all so different, cos I don't get the logic that a woman should not have the free choice to make decisions about the course her life takes.

therapy

And my very first line was that I hoped that this wouldn't become a debate about abortion...

Look, I have never discussed this with anyone. I just wanted to know if other women felt similar to me. Nobody knows I had a termination, except myself and my ex and no one will ever know as far as I'm concerned.

The whole 'event' was shrouded in such secrecy and wrong-doing (not that I felt I was doing wrong, but the lengths I had to go to to actually HAVE the termination). Visiting the clinic in Dublin alone, booking flights alone, travelling by plane alone, visiting the UK clinic alone, trying not to make eyecontact in the waiting room with other women, seeing some girls from the UK clinic on the same flight home later that evening but not making eye contact with them either. It was all so surreal and awful and ensured that guilt would be my major emotion that day.

Like I said before, I have never looked back and I know that my child or children could have ended up in care and I could have ended up in hospital - that is not an exaggeration - had I chosen to have that baby.

And for the person who asked about adoption. Adoption was not an option for me. The same way abortion is not an option for other people.

Nevyn

Yes there are other women who feel this way and the process which irish women are forced to edure to procure a termination is inhumane in my opinion.

There are women who do speak out about having had an abortion and how it was the right thing for them in their life, but due to how the topic of abortion is still treated in this country they are few.

I know of several such women and took the time to travel with them to the U.K. so that they would not be unsupported and alone.

therapy

First Mod, could you tell me how I 'quote' previous posts in the square box thing? I seem to only be able to copy & paste..thanks

"the process which irish women are forced to edure to procure a termination is inhumane in my opinion."

I have to say that you have summed up what I have been feeling for two years, in one sentence.

The whole process is just so wrong.

NO-ONE decides to have an abortion on a whim. There are many many reasons why a woman might chose not to be pregnant.

I speak from personal experience when I say that while my choice to go through with a termination was difficult, it was made 100% worse by the process of having to travel. Yes, there was support through the clinic (counselling etc) but ultimately, having made the decision to terminate, it becomes a physically exhausting process.

Thanks for your post Mod.

philologos

fatmammycat: How is it a tedious attempt. If you are to have sex and you are not capable of sustaining a child and even if you use protection you should be ready for the consequences should they arise. That's personally my opinion on it. There is a choice, if you really 100% don't want children there is an option, it's just not very popular.

Blaming the Catholic Church is a bit ridiculous. I'm not even coming from a Catholic POV, pro-life argument can be treated in an entirely secular realm and it still can be argued as being the most reasonable means of seeing it.

I call nonsense here though:

You don't believe a woman should have one, I think a woman's right to body sovereignty surpasses your personal dislike. Let's leave it at that.

The foetus is a separate being to the mother. Location doesn't change rights. This is basically the same as me saying:

I think a childs right to life surpasses anyones dislike. I think human rights come before any dislike to pro-life argumentation. I think many would agree with me. Let's leave it at that.


Thaedydal: there are also women who speak out due to having an abortion and regretting it and to inform women of the health risks involved with abortion.

havana: it's pretty evident biologically what constitutes life. Infact that isn't even the main debate in pro-life pro-choice discourse. Rather it is what constitutes a "person". An embryo is a human biological life which grows along the natural course from conception to death, I find it illogical that one wouldn't see an embryo as human life even though it has growth and attribute of life with birth being the end of that particular stage of life.

Nevyn

[noparse]

this the code for quoting

[/noparse]

this the code for quoting

And I am not a mod for this forum, I only am for those listed under my name.

The process and extra trauma it causes has not changed much over the last 15 year at least now we do have the freedom of information and women are no longer left having to
contact students unions to get information.

While I was wro in college I had a woman in her 40s who had 3 kids already the youngest being 16 come to me looking for information as it wasn't advisable and I gladly broke the law back then to give it to her.

But you are right it's not enough and certain flights to certain airports are filled with
women having to make that journey and the flight attendants all know it.

Jakkass I refuse to get into the rights and wrongs of abortion with you I know your stance already
this thread is about the journey women have to make which is permissible and legal
we have the right to travel and the right to information.

What a woman chooses to do then is her call.

Yes such women have spoken out and been supported and the very people who will support them will tear apart
and vilify and demonize a woman who stands up and said" I had an abortion I am glad I did and I have no guilt".

Mr. Presentable

OP, you feel no guilt because you don't accept you did anything wrong. That is all. I, on the other hand would be unable to live with myself if I destroyed a human life, however developed. This is something that makes us different and is not a judgement upon you. So, to directly answer your question, yes, there are others like you, but also there are others unlike you.

therapy

Nipplenuts, while I query your username (how did you think that up???? ) I must also stress that 2 years and six weeks ago, I would also have been on these boards saying 'I couldn't live with myself' - 'It's something I could never do' - 'How can women do such a thing' ?? You get the gist.

But having put msyself (with the help of my ex-partner remember) in the situation and knowing, from the very core of my being, that I could not have brought another child into this world, and raised it alone, along with raising my then, toddler, I no longer ask those questions. Because I know that it was the right decision for me, at that time in my life.

this the code for quoting

therapy

Thank you thaed, I was just using the quote forumula there.:)

metrovelvet

You would feel guilt if you felt you did something wrong.

It raises the question of whether it is always wrong to end another humans life.We do destroy,if we can what threatens our survival and there is,i imagine very little,if any guilt when we do.

KnifeWRENCH

therapy wrote: »

Before I start, I really don't want this to become a pro-life or anti-abortion debate.

A very reasonable request, but unfortunately some just people couldn't help themselves! :rolleyes:

therapy, you should read Beruthiel's reply again. It gives the answer to your question and explains the way you feel in just one simple sentence:

You do not feel guilt, because deep down, in your very core, you know you made the right decision.

You know that both you and your son have a good life now that would have been impossible had you not had the abortion. That's why you don't feel guilt, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with feeling the way you do!

SolarFlash

It takes about five years before you will start feeling guilty according to most psychologists who study post abortion syndrome. The fact that you posted this thread shows you are already felling guilty and traumitised. My advice is seek a good pro-life counsellor, you are going to need it.

havana

Oh dear. Wonder what is wrong with me so. It's 9 years now and i have never felt guilt. I wonder how on earth you measure something like that. But obviously everyone reacts the same in situations like this! I think not. And i think suggesting anyone needs a prolife counsellor is a little insulting. Are some people on here with a mission of ensuring people feel guilty?

philologos

havana wrote: »

Oh dear. Wonder what is wrong with me so. It's 9 years now and i have never felt guilt. I wonder how on earth you measure something like that. But obviously everyone reacts the same in situations like this! I think not. And i think suggesting anyone needs a prolife counsellor is a little insulting. Are some people on here with a mission of ensuring people feel guilty?

No, I'd much rather people realise what they have done, and then move on with their lives. I feel sorry for those who have to make that decision it really cannot be easy. I do however have huge respect for those who are willing to say, yeah, I had an abortion and I realise it was wrong over the ones who don't on an ethical level.

Joey the lips

My first instinct is if you have no guilt then why do you ask then i read the other posts. It sounds right to me i think you prob feel guilt because your not guilty about it.

Dont let it bother you any more. I have an expression which I generaly live by and what it say's is all our decisions are correct at the time of making hindsight is something that develops over time.

Its only you can truly understand your feelings but you have no reason to beat yourself for not feeling a certain way

Jakkass

Jakkass wrote: »

No, I'd much rather people realise what they have done, and then move on with their lives. ...I do however have huge respect for those who are willing to say, yeah, I had an abortion and I realise it was wrong over the ones who don't on an ethical level.

In other words, you DO want her to feel bad about about it because you personally think it's wrong.

philologos

No, I don't actually bluewolf, I just want her to see clearly what she has done to the unborn and then to continue living her life as she had done before. People make mistakes, people mess up but being in denial about it doesn't help anything. Somehow you seem to think that realising what people have done is the same as guilt tripping them.

Jakkass

Jakkass wrote: »

No, I don't actually bluewolf, I just want her to see clearly what she has done to the unborn and then to continue living her life as she had done before. People make mistakes, people mess up but being in denial about it doesn't help anything. Somehow you seem to think that realising what people have done is the same as guilt tripping them.

Somehow you seem to think that this woman having no regrets is being in denial. All I have seen from you is a constant insistence that she "realises what she's done" and "screwed up" and if she doesn't give in to you she's "in denial". Constantly posting about how it's horrible and wrong in YOUR opinion and how she must be living in denial is a guilt trip, yes. And not constructive in any way. The only one in denial here is you.

philologos

In denial of which exactly?

She's already said she feels no guilt and it was the right decision. You're constantly posting calling her in denial about it, just because she doesn't agree with your personal opinion.
"I want her to see clearly what she has done " = "I want her to agree with my personal opinion and if she doesn't she just is denying it"

rantyface

If you don't think you've done anything immoral, you're not going to feel guilty. I know some people who genuinely don't see anything wrong with abortion. It's people who just do it because they don't feel like being pregnant and never thought about it much who end up feeling unsure. It is often a very quick, panicked decision since you only get a few weeks to decide what to do, which isn't a lot for someone who might not be sure where they stand.

havana

Jakkass wrote: »

No, I don't actually bluewolf, I just want her to see clearly what she has done to the unborn and then to continue living her life as she had done before. People make mistakes, people mess up but being in denial about it doesn't help anything. Somehow you seem to think that realising what people have done is the same as guilt tripping them.

You can't dictate how someone feels! It sounds to me that you believe everyone who makes this decision has made a mistake. Just cos you wish it so does not make it so. I 'see clearly what i have done'- i made a decision based on MY life, MY circumstances, MY beliefs, MY morals. You should live your OWN life based on yours and let others do the same.

philologos

havana wrote: »

You can't dictate how someone feels! It sounds to me that you believe everyone who makes this decision has made a mistake. Just cos you wish it so does not make it so. I 'see clearly what i have done'- i made a decision based on MY life, MY circumstances, MY beliefs, MY morals. You should live your OWN life based on yours and let others do the same.

Nowhere have I said in this thread that you are forced to see this the same way as I have. Infact in several posts I have said that of course you can think whatever way you want about it. As such I'm not dictating anything to you, infact I don't expect that you will ever adopt my understanding about abortion.

The rhethoric you continue with is typical of pro-choice discourse. I'm only dealing with my own life and that's that. If only that were the case though. As I say you're free to generate your own understanding of this, as am I.

It just seems that this thread is a thread for people to confirm the OP's opinion and say well done, congratulations that you had the abortion it was the right choice and you've moved on with your life. Fantastic! You have to realise that this is a discussion board and people will disagree with you and people will think that this was the wrong decision.