Asking a woman out (text or call)

LegacyUser

Hi there,1st time posting
In a bit of a dilemna, I'm keen to ask this woman(whom I've only briefly met on a couple of occasions-most recently,Sun nite)out.
In general would women prefer to be asked out via text or phonecall.
The reason why I ask is that it's pretty safe to say,that this would be unexpected for her.She knows very little about me.She also hasn't given me any indication of interest at all.If it was myself,I'd prefer by text as I wouldn't be too keen on being put on the spot.However,I never ask women out but I think she is stunning & worth embarassing myself for!
Thanks

Wibbs

Call, always call. IMHO anyhoo.

shellyboo

Call her! Very impressive when a man has the confidence to ask you out over the phone or in person.

KittyeeTrix

I would say call her because it is harder to say no when speaking directly to a person.
She might text back no if you just text her out of nervousness or shyness and never get the chance to fall for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fingers crossed
Good luck with it:)

LegacyUser

Thanks for replys & encouragement.I'm actually 34 & am known among my friends as being too laid back about women.However I know I'll regret it if I don't contact her.I just don't want to be unfair her to her by putting her on the spot.However ye think a text would not impress her?

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for replys & encouragement.I'm actually 34 & am known among my friends as being too laid back about women.However I know I'll regret it if I don't contact her.I just don't want to be unfair her to her by putting her on the spot.However ye think a text would not impress her?

Text is a bit unimpressive. It's not a death knell or anything, and she might say yes still... but in my opinion, a call is more impressive. It says you're more mature and you have self-confidence, which is a good thing.

I get what you mean about putting her on the spot... but I think she'd still be pleased that you actually picked up the phone to call her rather than just sending her a text.

Latchy

A call would be the better option OP .But i once sent a text to a girl asking if she wanted to go to a disco .

I was a bit shocked whan she text back yes :eek:

Diamond007

Personally i'd prefer a text, less pressure and gives you time to decide!

Wibbs

OK I may get flamed for this but anyway..... Most women want you to make the first move. In a way she wants you(or any man) to "put her on the spot". Uncertainty type behaviour from the guy is not attractive to women in most cases. Oh they may say out loud it wouldn't matter, but IMHO and in my experience it does. In their heads the convo goes "he's a lovely guy but...." Big time.

So lets say worse case she's not interested? OK cool, she'll say no thanks, but she'll consider you an OK guy for actually growing a pair and going for it. If she thought you OK, but didn't think much beyond that, actually making a stand and going for it is far more likely to make her want to take a chance than tentative texts.

As I say people differ, men and women, but I look at the odds. Yes 2 outa 10 women want the tentative approach or or along those lines, but 8 outa ten want more decisiveness. The expression man or mouse springs to mind. Most women, overly dominant Irish mammies in waiting aside, want the former not the latter. This does not mean you act like a arrogant dick, you just liked her and wanted to see more of her and that's no crime. She may want to see more of you and why the hell not. Decent 34 year old blokes are thin enough on the ground. Just ask most 34 year old women. So put that bit outa your head.

Look if you were 19 it might be glossed over by a potential lover, but a 34 year old guy is playing in a different league, or should be. All bets are off by that stage. Grab the bull by the horns and if you have her number call her. Something like(with a glint in your voice so to speak) "Howya doing this is X, we hit it off on the last few brief times we met, I would like to see if we hit it off over an extended time. Do ya fancy meeting up for dinner and drinks?" If she says "hmmmm ehhhhh I dunno, I'm washing my hair for the next ten years.... etc" Then just thank her, no worries, thought I would ask and wish her the best.

My 2 cents.

nesbitt

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi there,1st time posting
In a bit of a dilemna, I'm keen to ask this woman(whom I've only briefly met on a couple of occasions-most recently,Sun nite)out.
In general would women prefer to be asked out via text or phonecall.
The reason why I ask is that it's pretty safe to say,that this would be unexpected for her.She knows very little about me.She also hasn't given me any indication of interest at all.If it was myself,I'd prefer by text as I wouldn't be too keen on being put on the spot.However,I never ask women out but I think she is stunning & worth embarassing myself for!
Thanks

A phonecall never by text! I presume if you managed to get her phone number you must have mutual friends, maybe ask them if she is available etc. and take it from there.....

baglady

I'm in my early 20's dont know if that makes a difference but personally I would prefer a text I think. Esp if I had only met you the once. It's more for my benefit really, I think I would feel under too much pressure with a phone call. But thats just me!

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

OK I may get flamed for this but anyway..... Most women want you to make the first move. In a way she wants you(or any man) to "put her on the spot". Uncertainty type behaviour from the guy is not attractive to women in most cases. Oh they may say out loud it wouldn't matter, but IMHO and in my experience it does. In their heads the convo goes "he's a lovely guy but...." Big time.

So lets say worse case she's not interested? OK cool, she'll say no thanks, but she'll consider you an OK guy for actually growing a pair and going for it.If she thought you OK, but didn't think much beyond that, actually making a stand and going for it is far more likely to make her want to take a chance than tentative texts.

As I say people differ, men and women, but I look at the odds. Yes 2 outa 10 women want the tentative approach or or along those lines, but 8 outa ten want more decisiveness. The expression man or mouse springs to mind. Most women, overly dominant Irish mammies in waiting aside, want the former not the latter. This does not mean you act like a arrogant dick, you just liked her and wanted to see more of her and that's no crime.

Spot on, Wibbs Bolded above are part of the reason I'm with my partner now. If he had taken the tentative approach I'm not sure we'd be together. His ballsy confidence is what I first liked about him, the rest of the stuff followed soon after!

Confidence is really attractive.

As for having time to 'think about it'... who needs to think about it?! Either you like the person or you don't!

EDIT: Although, thinking back he actually asked me out by text, or possibly on MSN. But he was confident about it! Which was the point I was making

An Ard Ri

Send her a text, its less pressure, gives her time to decide and if she likes you she will say yes whether you call, text or use a carrier pigeon!

Cleopatra12

Call her!Call her, Call her...... I really respect men who have the confidence to ask me out(and follow through).

Dont txt, big mistake. Just casually ask if she wants to grab a coffee later this week (give it a time frame so it cant remain open ended). When it does happen, put a time limit on this coffee date, ideally, cos if it does not go well at least ye can both escape.

Best of luck!

idontknowmyname

I'd text her, not as much pressure on it then. Fair play if you do call her though, I'm a girl and to call someone up to ask them out I'd be nervous as hell and it would be my luck that it would go to voicemail.

T Corolla

idontknowmyname wrote: »

I'd text her, not as much pressure on it then. Fair play if you do call her though, I'm a girl and to call someone up to ask them out I'd be nervous as hell and it would be my luck that it would go to voicemail.

He looking to go on a date he need to make the connection and one of the best ways is vocal as IMO woman like the personal touch a text is very analytical as I found out to my expenses CALL HER

soundsham

Its simple call

Carsinian Thau

Ideally, in person is best.

If not, call.

Please don't text.

Once again: CALL.

LegacyUser

Hmmm,I've asked a friend whose cousin knew her well to find out whether she's attached so I'm not going to move until then but it seems 50/50.My friends are very strong on texting.They think a call is too intense as I have had so little contact with her.She was not giving off any vibes though
I'll get a kick trying though

LegacyUser

From the replies it's 50/50, I know I would prefer a text as a call outs you on the spot... she might end up saying yes when she didn't want to.

My current boyfriend texted me to ask me out then I rang him to reply as I knew he liked me then. So maybe do this - text her and if she says yes make the arrangements by calling her.

Nervous Wreck

I've only ever asked a girl out over the phone once. She said no and we decided to be friends anyway..... Couple of months later, she told me that she had been really impressed that I'd called and that "I expected a text if anything, I was totally taken aback..." ...... and then she kissed me.

Forget texts man, phonecalls worked for so long....

moco

I'm a 29 yr old girl and I'd prefer a text given the choice! I think a call can be awkward and puts you on the spot. Plus for yourself I think if she accepts over text it means she definitely likes you as I would tend to agree to a date on the phone even if I didn't want one as it's too embarrassing to say no!

Id prefer a text. I cant stand unexpected phonecalls or phone calls in general and Id feel totally put on the spot if someone called to ask me out.

G-Money

I don't think I've ever seen such a 50/50 set of responses to a thread

I'm may be doing something similar to the OP soon myself, except that I've known the girl for a while. I was wondering if a text/email or phone call was the best way to go about it so it's good to see the responses on this thread. Even if they haven't really cleared it up

O'Coonassa

Put them on the spot face to face, it's harder for them to say no

blaz

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for replys & encouragement.I'm actually 34 & am known among my friends as being too laid back about women.However I know I'll regret it if I don't contact her.I just don't want to be unfair her to her by putting her on the spot.However ye think a text would not impress her?

You said nothing about how you got her number. Did you ask for it in person and then she gave it to you? If yes, call her. Never text, you are not 16. If you send a text, you will send out a signal: you are insecure and don't have the guts to call her. If she is offended by a simple phone call after she gave you her phone number, then you don't want to have anything to do with that woman.

If she did not give you the number, don't call or text. Talk to her in person first and ask for her phone number. If you did not get the number directly from her, you will come across as a stalker if you contact her.

Polleta

In the last couple of months I have been asked out in person by one guy and by text by another guy. I didn't fancy the guy who asked me out in person but after his 4/5th time asking me I felt I had to say yes I'd have dinner with him. A week later we were out and a few things happened so I ended up having to cancel dinner and we are now friendly when out with all our mutual friends just about but it is odd.

The other guy who asked me by text.. Well I really liked him anyway. He asked me out but I was busy for a few days but we figured it out. Then I got a free evening when he had wanted to see me so I brought the date forward again by text.


I think if she likes you as much as you like her a text is perfectly fine. A call can work equally as well but it puts you on the spot and you are likely to say yes to something you are not interested in. If she says yes in a text it's a sign she does really like you.

More people have said "call" than "text" and that's before I include my own "CALL HER"

I'd love to know the ages of the people who've said "text".

Honestly, if a guy has the balls to call a gal and ask her out then she should have the balls to say "no" if she's not interested.

When did this all get so complicated?

LegacyUser

I would always admire someone more for calling.

But if you are very iffy about her singleness/interest then text.

dooksgolf

OP Here
I've signed with my username to clear up any confusion.
I came in possession of her no in a slightly er....oblique way.I was with a friend & we were talking(? small talk) with her & her friend.Anyway my friend was killing me to ask her for her no & I was er shall we say hesitant,so my friend grabs the bull by the horns & said he had a friend thinking of getting into her line of her work so he asked her for her no to pass on to his friend(this is true).
So I'm now in possession of her no,however after reading a few of the earlier posts,I'm wondering do I have any right to contact her(either by text or phone).I didn't think of this issue.
Unconfirmed info is that she's single,but I've been promised confirmation by the w/e before contacting her on Sunday,but now I'm quite hesitant & now for me it's an issue of whether to contact her at all(nevermind how to contact her)
Feeling more doubtful now(however,whatever way she would have reacted,I would get a kick for "growing a pair")

dooksgolf

As regards her interest,no indication whatsoever apart from (& this is me clutching at straws),she gave me a polite wave the last couple of times I met her.I don't think the waves were "come hither waves" either.
My friends are universally for texting,they are encouraging me,but they think could be too intense considering the flimsiest of "spadework" that I've done.
PS I'm 34 & she's 31(I think)

rockchik

I think you should call first, have a quick chat and say would you like to meet up at the weekend for a drink or something, if she says yes then maybe txt to arrange the details a day or two later (dont leave it until the saturday evening tho or it will look like your not really interested), if you go to the effort of ringing it will make a good impression, id be more impressed if a guy called anway!!

Best of luck with it!:D

dooksgolf

Bugger!
Planning to text ,but suggesting to her that I'll call her if the idea isn't completely preposterous to her.If she gives me an inch ,I'll take a mile!:D
It's now being suggested that ,quite possibly she wont remember me unless I get my ass in gear & do it pronto!

LegacyUser

Yeah, there was someone in my class I wanted to ask out. Having no experience I asked a mate for advice. He said I should text her. She replied a while later saying she's seeing someone (which I suspect she said to save my feelings). I suppose the point is that there are pros and cons associated with either approach.

Applehoney

Im 33 female and i reckon text her!

a phone calls is putting someone on the spot

texting is not a problem as a first point of contact... i stress first point!

i would explain how you got her number though.. and hopefully she appreciates your efforts!

Elbi

i totally agree with Applehoney, I would much rather a text than a call especially since you dont know eachother very well.

Best of luck dude,

Polleta

Should have said in my last post that Im mid 20's.

Texting is the less stress approach. I hate answering phone calls from unknown numbers to be honest and then throw being asked out into the chat.. agh! scares me totally! Perhaps a few texts her way to clear the air then call to sort a date out.

Though you have probably done something by now. Best of luck!

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

More people have said "call" than "text" and that's before I include my own "CALL HER"

I'd love to know the ages of the people who've said "text".

Honestly, if a guy has the balls to call a gal and ask her out then she should have the balls to say "no" if she's not interested.

When did this all get so complicated?

It has nothing to do with 'balls'. A lot of people simply do not like getting unexpected phone calls for various reasons. I know most of my friends don't even answer calls from numbers they haven't saved because of nuisance calls, stalker exes and what have you.

Personally, I do answer most of my calls in case it's something to do with work, but I really dislike it, mostly because I'm always somewhere inconvenient when my phone rings - on the metro/bus/tram, in the street, in the supermarket. I can't stand trying to have a conversation while straining to hear the other person and trying to be heard. This is bad enough when it's work stuff, but for getting asked out it's a disaster. I usually get really stressed out and just try to get off the phone as quickly as possible. This goes for every situation including friends ringing to arrange something.

If I get a text, it doesn't matter where I am, I can read it in my own time and think properly about a reply without being put on the spot. It avoids the issues of being stressed or in a noisy place and saying the wrong thing or giving the wrong impression.

dooksgolf

Haven't done anything yet,
Had a couple of pints with my friend last night.Before pints,was decidedly doubtful about contacting her as no +ve indication/never done this before.However after 2 pints,it seemed like a great idea,so I'll text her on Sunday

Elbi

Why not text her today, there is no time like the present

[quote=[Deleted User];60152253]It has nothing to do with 'balls'[/quote]

So what you're saying is (aside from inconvenient timing) some people don't answer their phones because they're afraid of who it might be or that they might be put on the spot?

That if a guy has the courage (let's leave the balls to one side for now ) to call a girl to ask her out (which I would personally prefer), he shouldn't expect her to be courageous enough to give him a straight answer?

Most people who've said "text" have said they'd be "scared" or don't want the “pressure” or to be put on the spot.

People who’ve said "call" have said how it would be "impressive", "mature", "self-confident", admirable and would make them respect the caller.

So I'm afraid yes, it would appear to have everything to do with "balls" … I mean courage

Soul Stretcher

Please don't text her !! If the both of ye were 19, then fine.
And please please don't text her to ask her if you can call her - stinks of lack of confidence.

Best option is to ask her out in person.

Next best is to call. For the following reasons:

1. Women have a very strong sense of the behaviours of a high value male. Your age is a big plus. At 34, you are a fully mature man and full of proper relationship potential. Txting will make you look uncertain of your own value. This is not attractive to a woman.

2. At 34, it is perfectly reasonable to assume that you didn't have a mobile until you were 24. Therefore, it is plausible you did your teenage asking out via vocal efforts & are comfortable with this.

3. First impressions are everything - a nice relaxed friendly confident 2 minute chat on the phone would be raise your value higher in her eyes than 1000 tentative texts.

4. So what if she is put on the spot ? If she is stunning, as you suggest, then, BE IN NO DOUBT, she is proabably accustomed to being hit on a couple of times a month - at least. She isn't an innocent 16 yr old.

5. To give a proper account of yourself, you have to go on a date with her - even if she only agrees because you put her on the spot - at least you'll get a fair chance to show her your potential on the actual date. Then you can be satisfied you gave it your best shot.

Good Luck ! Let us know how you get on ! :-)

LegacyUser

no offence but it depends on you're age. older than 20's then call her. other than that a text would be fine!

Mountjoy Mugger

I'm amazed at the amount of women/girls who are saying text her.

God be with the days when there was no such thing as a mobile phone or texting. You had to have the balls to ask someone out, or that was that.

Excuses that some are given saying that they feel less pressure when asked through a text are laughable.

Will you be speaking in txtspk for the night then?

Grow a pair, and call her.

Gyalist

I only ever "ask out" someone in person - but then I'm not afraid of rejection. Phone calls are only to confirm or amend previous arrangements. I've never texted anyone and any texts to me are unanswered.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

So what you're saying is (aside from inconvenient timing) some people don't answer their phones because they're afraid of who it might be or that they might be put on the spot?

That if a guy has the courage (let's leave the balls to one side for now ) to call a girl to ask her out (which I would personally prefer), he shouldn't expect her to be courageous enough to give him a straight answer?

Most people who've said "text" have said they'd be "scared" or don't want the “pressure” or to be put on the spot.

People who’ve said "call" have said how it would be "impressive", "mature", "self-confident", admirable and would make them respect the caller.

So I'm afraid yes, it would appear to have everything to do with "balls" … I mean courage

I think you totally missed my point. I really, really dislike being phoned out of the blue, by anyone. It annoys me and 9 times out of 10 it's really inconvenient. What does that have to do with courage? The fact I get flustered and stressed receiving a phone call from a random person while I'm trying to do something else means I don't have balls? Don't be ridiculous. I prefer to have a chance to properly read and consider any offer, be it work, friends or romance. It has nothing to do with giving someone a straight answer or being honest. I just like to have a bit of time to take it in and decide. I've come across as abrupt and uninterested in the past when in fact I was just caught by surprise at a bad time.

And as for not answering the phone, I take it you've never been a victim of nuisance calls or a stalker? I've had a bad experience related to that and several of my friends have good reasons for not answering private or random numbers ranging from psycho exes to estranged parents.

There are a lot of very valid reasons why a lot of people don't like being called out of the blue which have absolutely nothing to do with confidence, maturity or anything else. I don't know why this is so hard to understand. Just because I have a mobile phone doesn't mean I use it to call people. I text almost everyone about everything. This is no different to people who despite texting and insist on phoning everyone.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

When did this all get so complicated?

Sigh. Thanks for answering my question Izzy.

Take care.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Sigh. Thanks for answering my question Izzy.

Take care.

Thanks for not understanding how anyone could POSSIBLY have a different opinion to you.

Take care.

Bettee

OP, you're a grown man use those cajones and call her!! Jees what did we do before mobile phones?!

zxcvbnm1

Texting is definitely the way to gio here.

You are gonna put her in a very uncomfortable spot if you call her.

Going by how you describe the relationship so far i reckon you are not properly on her radar for a date.

WHat you need is for her to get used to teh idea.
Pouncing on her over the phone she will probably just be speechless and feel really uncomfortable.

I think it is pretty unfair to put her on the spot like that.

Text her.

TEh bottom line is if she is interested then just because you communicated to her by text will not result in her refusing to go on the date.
And if she is not interested then she will not agree to the date regardles ghow you communicate to her.

Thos whole "grow a pair" cliche rubbish is just nonsense in my book.

Obviously if she agrees to go on the date then you gotta go to calls after that.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks for replys & encouragement.I'm actually 34 & am known among my friends as being too laid back about women.However I know I'll regret it if I don't contact her.I just don't want to be unfair her to her by putting her on the spot.However ye think a text would not impress her?

I would think there was something greatly lacking in a man who could not pick up the phone and call me.
Do not, under any circumstances, text!
Texting is for teenagers
You are a grown man, phone her.

Now, I'm older than most of the people who post on Boards, there were no mobile phones back in my day. So if she is 20 years of age, perhaps my above advice doesn't count.
However, if she is an older lady, it most definitely does.