Be honest! How many people have you slept with to date?

LegacyUser

met this guy through work, not really the type i would normally go for physically..i usually fancy broad guys -brickie types with a tattoo or two..(yeah, i know!)
anyway, we started chatting and having a laugh at lunchtimes etc and i've really gottenb lookinbg forward to seeing him /getting texts etc..i know he likes me and i suppose he has grown on me too over trhe past few weeks.
friday night i went to his apartment, i wasn't nervous or anything, and we haven't ever touched for gods sake..(we are boith in our 30's !!)we had a drink and he had a quick shower while i watched tv waiting to go out for a bite to eat.
conversation starts when i ask who this one is or that one is in photos etc..and a lot are exes, or friends from college, all innocent stuff. i say i have had six sexual partners-one of them was a mad one nighter, the rest between four weeks and three years duration.
i asked how many he had had, he said guess, i said double mine? thinking at most 20..he said he isn't proud of it, but last count was ...80!! FFS, i nearly fell off the chair. and he is the most honest guy i've ever known to so its not BS.
he is no predator, wants us to have a relationship i think, and we only snogged at the end of the eve when he droipped me home..butr i cant get it out of my head..
is THAT normal?? Whats everyone elses 'score average'?
i guess i dont want to be number 81..

Kirnsy

Unregistered wrote: »

met this guy through work, not really the type i would normally go for physically..i usually fancy broad guys -brickie types with a tattoo or two..(yeah, i know!)
anyway, we started chatting and having a laugh at lunchtimes etc and i've really gottenb lookinbg forward to seeing him /getting texts etc..i know he likes me and i suppose he has grown on me too over trhe past few weeks.
friday night i went to his apartment, i wasn't nervous or anything, and we haven't ever touched for gods sake..(we are boith in our 30's !!)we had a drink and he had a quick shower while i watched tv waiting to go out for a bite to eat.
conversation starts when i ask who this one is or that one is in photos etc..and a lot are exes, or friends from college, all innocent stuff. i say i have had six sexual partners-one of them was a mad one nighter, the rest between four weeks and three years duration.
i asked how many he had had, he said guess, i said double mine? thinking at most 20..he said he isn't proud of it, but last count was ...80!! FFS, i nearly fell off the chair. and he is the most honest guy i've ever known to so its not BS.
he is no predator, wants us to have a relationship i think, and we only snogged at the end of the eve when he droipped me home..butr i cant get it out of my head..
is THAT normal?? Whats everyone elses 'score average'?
i guess i dont want to be number 81..

1. Then why continue seeing him if you've already decided that?

2. 81....possible that he exaggerated just a tad?

3. remember that people's past is just that...their past.

but 81....well lets just say im not close.:pac:

Silverfish

Just a note -If we could keep the replies to actual advice instead of just numbers and commenting on other's numbers that'd be great thanks

LegacyUser

Kirnsy wrote: »

1. Then why continue seeing him if you've already decided that?

2. 81....possible that he exaggerated just a tad?

3. remember that people's past is just that...their past.

but 81....well lets just say im not close.:pac:

sorry, i meant i don't want to be number 81 if number 82 is not too far behind me..would like if he stopped at me-kinda wanted to take it to next level, but the sheer volume of women has scared the bejaysus outa me.

Blisterman

It's not a crazy amount, if you're in your 30s.

Assuming he's been sexually active for 15 years, that only a little over 5 a year on average.

Plus, a lot of guys, when they're younger, and not looking for anything serious, end up racking up a high number quite quickly, through casual relationships, one night stands etc.

Most of them eventually grow out of it, and look for something a bit more serious and meaningful. So I wouldn't hold it against him.

I'd say 80 is a lot by anyones' standards. 6 is quite low though for someone in their 30's. I used to think it was about average but a lot of people I know have 6-7 partners at about 25. Personally I'd have been with half that but I started quite late and had a long term relationship. TBH I'd probably be put off by 80, but I don't know the guy. If I saw real potential there I might try not to let it bother me, but it would definitely be a bit of an issue.

Latchy

OP check the bed post ,their might be another 80 notched on there you haven't noticed .

Sorry , i couldn't resist

LegacyUser

Hi Op,
I have a few extra partners more than I'd like but I have been checked so see no reason to bring it up really with the oh.
But you know now he has slept with lots and tbh there are many guys that would have been a bit mad in their early to mid 20s and done the whole sleeping around, on the pull.
But it's his past, he knows what he wants and once he's checked for STDs you shouldn't really worry.
I think a scenario like yours is so much better than being with someone who has only been with a couple of people and is never really satisfied only being with you as they haven't played the field enough.
If he is good in so many other ways it's really only a minor issue in the broader scheme of things

Hope that helps you.

mardybum

Jasus! 80?? :eek: I hardly know what to think.

I feel like I'm pretty open minded, but I'd have a really hard time dealing with a partner who had slept with 80 people. You could try and rationalise it out... if he's been sexually active for 15 years and had a one night stand every so often, it doesn't seem so much.

I guess the main thing is that if you do actually go out with the guy broach the subject of std's and having a clean slate on the health front (i know one should do that anyway...:o) before you shag him, and you can always say, hey I hope no 82 isn't comin too soon on the horizon..

L31mr0d

Unregistered wrote: »

is THAT normal??

Normal for a man to claim a large number of sexual partners... yes. Normal for it to be true, seldom.

Men tend to exaggerate whilst women tend to underestimate (or tell the truth) I mean surveys have shown that men tend to sleep with more women then women sleep with men. But this cannot be possibly true. It's simple maths, in a given population the average number of heterosexual partners will be the same for both sexes. Yet without fail, women will claim less and men will claim more.

That being said, like others have mentioned, it's also possible he has slept with this many women. Maybe, if the conversation goes that way, ask him how many sexual partners he's had in, say, the last year, to gauge if he's settled down.

LegacyUser

Its not that many really like the other poster said its just over 5 a year. As someone with double his amount I would assure you that it doesn`t make you any different you just have different priorities at different times in your life.

We all make mistakes give this guy a chance he soulnds great!

Salome

When you consider his age and the number of partners, it's not really such a big deal really.

I just think it's different strokes for different folks - a friend of mine has had only 2 partners and she married the 2nd one. I was a late starter, I'm 36 now and have had 7 partners. And hopefully, 7 is lucky 7 and last.

But don't judge him for having many more than the average.

Kirnsy

L31mr0d wrote: »

Normal for a man to claim a large number of sexual partners... yes. Normal for it to be true, seldom.

Men tend to exaggerate whilst women tend to underestimate (or tell the truth) I mean surveys have shown that men tend to sleep with more women then women sleep with men. But this cannot be possibly true. It's simple maths, in a given population the average number of heterosexual partners will be the same for both sexes. Yet without fail, women will claim less and men will claim more.

how does that make sense?!

L31mr0d wrote: »

That being said, like others have mentioned, it's also possible he has slept with this many women. Maybe, if the conversation goes that way, ask him how many sexual partners he's had in, say, the last year, to gauge if he's settled down.

or maybe just move on from questions about his past to enjoying your time together?!

LegacyUser

For those who say it's not true, it is most likely it is true....I have certainly slept with around that many, I lost track (wasn't trying to keep count) a good while back and it was in the 70's region...

I had a girlfriend before who asked me the same question and she never really got over my answer. I actually told her it was only 20...anyway my in future I will be keeping my figures to myself, at the end of the day it's my business...

It's a **** question to ask someone as people are never to happy with the answer...I'd like to think I'm a very nice guy, and would treat any girlfriend with respect...what I did in my own time is my business...

mardybum

Unregistered wrote: »

It's a **** question to ask someone as people are never to happy with the answer...I'd like to think I'm a very nice guy, and would treat any girlfriend with respect...what I did in my own time is my business...

Agreed. As long as you're sure you're not gettin pregnant or catchin anything then why ask?

Queen-Mise

I would have a very high number too (not willing to say how high) but it was due to a very very wild late teens and early twenties. To me six partners is like wtf.

My husband is well aware that I have probably twice as many partners as him - its not a problem. We were different during those years. We are married 5 years and together for 10. He doesn't like it being thrown in his face, but otherwise it has never been a problem.

But then I would never take anyone else's issues with my past on board.

L31mr0d

Kirnsy wrote: »

how does that make sense?!

It doesn't, that was my point. Did you read the rest of my post? Without fail when they perform surveys of sexual partners for both sexes it always comes back that men have a higher average than women. I already said that this cannot be true. The number for both has to be the same.

Kirnsy wrote: »

or maybe just move on from questions about his past to enjoying your time together?!

I'd agree. But the OP wants to know that she's not going to be just another notch on his bedpost. I'd of advised not asking the question to begin with tbh, but the answer is out there and it bothers the OP. It could prove to be a hangup. Communication is the best way to resolve these things, letting feelings and opinions fester is never good for a relationship, especially when it's just starting out.

LegacyUser

I don't think lying about the number is the right answer. If a new girlfiend/boyfriend asks the number and you tell them and they have a problem, then its probably best to find out early and meet someone who is not so "put-off" by a high number. Can also be that someone is put off by a low number and feels you may not have enough experience and may want to get more experince later. Best to try to meet someone who has similiar views/values in this area.

If you lie, then you are mis-representing your experience and may please someone for a while, but the truth will probably come out and then will be an even bigger deal.

Pretty much goes for all aspects of a persons past. Better to be true to yourself and what has happened in your life. If you start to live a lie with someone you really come to like/love can you ever be sure they would like/love the "real" you. Too much of a head-wrecker.

/Mary

Kirnsy

L31mr0d wrote: »

It doesn't, that was my point. Did you read the rest of my post? Without fail when they perform surveys of sexual partners for both sexes it always comes back that men have a higher average than women. I already said that this cannot be true. The number for both has to be the same.

i did read the rest of your post. but im afraid you lost me a bit with your "simple maths".;) i understand what you mean now though.

it could be possible however that in a survey of a random 50 men and random 50 women that the men have a higher average amount of women??
or am i just proving how mathematically backwards I am?:pac:

L31mr0d

Kirnsy wrote: »

it could be possible however that in a survey of a random 50 men and random 50 women that the men have a higher average amount of women??

no you are correct, this could also be the case. It could also be that the men are travelling more and therefore have more external sexual partners. But the problem is that this tends to be largely true of the results, regardless of where the survey is performed, and how many times it is performed. It's confirmed by the male machismo, which leads males to exaggerate areas of masculinity they think will be more appealing to the opposite sex, like strength, virility, success... etc.

Terodil

Unregistered wrote: »

I think a scenario like yours is so much better than being with someone who has only been with a couple of people and is never really satisfied only being with you as they haven't played the field enough.

Meh. I'm not really with the 'the past doesn't matter' crowd because I think that while the past is the past, it still makes who people are, and you won't ever truly love them if you don't accept 'the whole package' so to speak -- thanks to the anonymous Mary above ('Knowbetternow'): +1M.

But this passage is kinda ridiculous. You are saying that you shouldn't judge people by their past behaviour (past != future), but suggest that they should be judged by some unfounded suppositions about their future intentions which are radically different from their track record (future = diametrically opposite of past)? That's even one corner further removed, thought-wise, than the train of thought you dispute.

I think the most essential aspect that moves the OP is the question about the future. Can the partner be expected to continue what he did before? Why should he suddenly stop, at 80, and not at 81, 82 or 90?

I think it's a valid question, and suggesting that he 'is with the OP now and chose her now, so cut him some slack' may be half denying reality and probabilities. Normally in such cases you would talk with him and try to find out what his *future* intentions are (past doesn't really matter all that much), except that in this case you cannot implicitly assume that he's telling the truth, unless you know him really well.

TBH OP, it's a certain risk you are taking, no way of denying it. That said, love is ridden with risks, and if you're not willing to jump in the mere hope of grasping a ledge... I don't think you'll ever end up on the other side. He might be earnest. Only you can tell and make an informed choice.

Good luck.

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

i guess i dont want to be number 81..

And the difference between being number 7 instead of number 81 is....?

I've always been of the opinion that you never ask the question unless you are ready for the answer.

I'm with my partner nearly 10 years. I have no clue how many people he has slept with before meeting me.
Why?
Because I don't care.
I have no interest in knowing.
It's not my business.
It has absolutely nothing to do with 'now'.

You've met a really nice guy, and now, because of your hang up and the fact you asked a question you shouldn't, it's all up in the air.

Terodil

Beruthiel wrote: »

And the difference between being number 7 instead of number 81 is....?

Easy. Consistency and expectations. Neuro/psychological pattern, too.

1. Statistics: drawing conclusions out of 7 samples is much less warranted than drawing conclusions out of 81.

2. Neuro/psychological pattern: The human brain works in a way that previously trodden paths become broader while the disused paths wither and eventually die. If somebody really likes to have loads of varying sex partners and has done it for years, the chances are high (though definitely not 100% ofc) that this pattern is still dominant in his brain. That said ofc he may have had a 100% change, *shrug*... I'm just saying that the OP is not being irrational. She has good reasons to ask, and the sad thing is that nobody can really answer it for her, especially not with the 'past is past and doesn't concern her' template .

Wibbs

It could also mean that he has got it out of his system or it was a phase of life he needed or just happened to go through.

LegacyUser

Female.
Mid thirties.
Between 80 -100.
Not fully sure.

3 long term relationships
4 or 5 friends with benefits

Rest one night stands, forgotton as soon as done.

All safe sex, condoms, sti tests.

To me sex is to be enjoyed, so I do!

LegacyUser

I am the girl with 80 to 100, so I guess promiscuous by some standards. When single I bed many simply to satify the need for sex, not that I am looking for variety. Its just a few hours of pleasure nothing more.

I am at my happiest when in a loving committed monogamous relationship and do not cheat or want to cheat when in one.

I think people need to stop seeing promiscous people as "another species" and imagining they are going to be sex mad untrustworthy cheaters. I can only speak for myseelf and say I am not, I have no problem being faithful because I want to.

If I dont want to then its time to get out of the relationship in my opinion.

Oh The Humanity

Unregistered wrote: »

met this guy through work, not really the type i would normally go for physically..i usually fancy broad guys -brickie types with a tattoo or two..(yeah, i know!)
anyway, we started chatting and having a laugh at lunchtimes etc and i've really gottenb lookinbg forward to seeing him /getting texts etc..i know he likes me and i suppose he has grown on me too over trhe past few weeks.
friday night i went to his apartment, i wasn't nervous or anything, and we haven't ever touched for gods sake..(we are boith in our 30's !!)we had a drink and he had a quick shower while i watched tv waiting to go out for a bite to eat.
conversation starts when i ask who this one is or that one is in photos etc..and a lot are exes, or friends from college, all innocent stuff. i say i have had six sexual partners-one of them was a mad one nighter, the rest between four weeks and three years duration.
i asked how many he had had, he said guess, i said double mine? thinking at most 20..he said he isn't proud of it, but last count was ...80!! FFS, i nearly fell off the chair. and he is the most honest guy i've ever known to so its not BS.
he is no predator, wants us to have a relationship i think, and we only snogged at the end of the eve when he droipped me home..butr i cant get it out of my head..
is THAT normal?? Whats everyone elses 'score average'?
i guess i dont want to be number 81..

Normal as normal can be. He's in his 30's.

Its good he is honest and wants to get it out in the open first up.

There is a lot of fear and misinformation about people who have "high" numbers. People incorrectly assign certain negative qualities to them, usually out of ignorance, things like:

• They will cheat on me/they wont understand a monogamous relationship
• They will be riddled with STI's
• If I sleep with them, the encounter will mean nothing to them and I will be "just a number"
• They are not fussy

etc

Thing is though, everyone is different. Some people are promiscuous becuase they are looking for a long termer and they have a lot of false starts. Some just take all their opportunities and want a good time. Some are predatory and compulsive. etc

So just like the general population people with high numbers will have all different reasons for it. Some would much prefer to settle down, some wouldnt.

OP you have got to figure out which category your guy is in. I think it will be easy as he sounds quite honest.

Dont get hung up on 'just being a notch on the bedpost' if you are getting otherwise good vibes. He could be sick of waking up with people who's names he s forgotton at this stage!

Africa

Wow... 80? I think its an exaggeration though.

I mean im now 21 and ive got about 15 on my bed post... (figure of speech i dont ACTUALLY keep score). I think its fifteen. But ive never really kept the score, but a lot came from college nights out...

Only 3 turned into something more. Only 2 turned into love. Only one i still have and plan to keep

LegacyUser

Male 26.

Living in Dublin- college in galway.

about 150 sexual partners. mostly one night stands, two long term relationships and a few f-buddies.

My housemate in galway was about 200. we used go on the pull together.

my housemate now in dublin is the same age and he's about 20/30 i just asked him, so. hey, it's a new world. People like sex.

iguana

I'm 30 and been with my husband for 7 years but if I met an alternate me who hadn't met someone to settle down with yet I wouldn't be surprised if she had 80ish sexual partners. Sex is fun and if you don't meet someone to have a relationship with, what is wrong with having a number of partners to have fun with? And just because someone has had a series of short term sexual partners doesn't mean that they can't be monogamous with someone they care for. I've never cheated with anyone I've ever had a relationship with, nor have I ever been tempted to and I doubt I ever will. But I have a fairly high number of previous sexual partners, especially since I last had a new partner at 23.

If he has a history of sleeping with lots of partners while in a relationship with somebody else I'd possibly be worried. But if he was single and having fun with other people who were single and having fun I don't see the problem, as long as he has stayed healthy. If it worries you maybe you should take things slowly with him and see if you think there is a real possibility of a relationship before you sleep together?

deathstarkiller

Jeez, I must be doing something seriously wrong. 80? I'm 36, single and it's well, it's ehhh a lot less than that, less than 10, less that 5 actually.
Anywhoo, it's just a number. As long as you're being treated right and there's no messing around I wouldn't worry about. As you can guess I've had to deal with women who had a lot more partners than me. I didn't have to deal with too many women though.
Oh dear, I need to get out there.

LegacyUser

Age 21, Female, Slept with 2. Two serious relationships one 4 years and the present 4 years and going..

I would find 80 ALOT!! It's not the fact it would annoy me that they have slept with more. One night stands are more wam bam, doesn't mean your more experienced. Think you get better at sex the longer you are with someone. More adventurous. Don't get me wrong I love sex but wouldn't go putting it about.

My boyfriend is 23 he has slept with 3 in total.

LegacyUser

Ok 80..wow... well that makes me look... um..well

I'm a 22 year old female...only have ever had three sexual partners, all were long term relationships.
Also never had a one night stand and I dont imagine I will now at this stage.

I would never tell anyone i had just met how many people i had slept with. But maybe you could bothe get tested before you get more serious with each other, that would be my main concern tbh.

LegacyUser

hi,it's me the OP again..wow! really interesting reading.I really thought at 6-7 partners i was at the upper end of average, all my close-ish gal pals are less than that,around 4-5, but DID settle early with their b/fs.
Its just strange, I mean if you SAW this guy he is the image of that Mr Tumnus actor guy-you know the one, smallish, quite slight in build..not the stereotype i would have imagined to have bedded 80 women.hadnt been in touch since Friday when he left me home, but met him at lunch again today and asked him about the 80,and said although we arent going out or anything, it seemed a bit strange that he hadnt mnade a move, and if he had waited that long for each of the previous he would prob be 90 not 34 yrs of age ..and cute little unphased charmer that he is said, its the ones i really like that i wont make any moves on, as i dont want to balls it up..must admit he is growing on me big time,,maybe THATS his secret weapon, he charms ya into bed..
and he said they were all mainly a string of one nighters from a few years back and he hasnt been with anyone for six months..so lots to think about really..still think 80 is an achievement of some sort tho'..as for a previous posters 100+..OMG

AARRRGH

I don't think 80 is a lot at all. As someone else said, that's only a couple of people per year. And if you're single, in Dublin anyway, and assuming you're not desperately shy, it would be fairly easy to bring someone home every time you go to the pub.

So I would interpret his 80 as meaning he's a sociable guy who likes to have a bit of fun. Nothing wrong with that. Certainly I'm not slapper, and have spent most of my adult life in relationships, yet have probably been with 50 women or so! I think that's a fairly normal figure. For non-nerds anyway.

LegacyUser

AARRRGH wrote: »

I don't think 80 is a lot at all. As someone else said, that's only a couple of people per year. And if you're single, in Dublin anyway, and assuming you're not desperately shy, it would be fairly easy to bring someone home every time you go to the pub.

So I would interpret his 80 as meaning he's a sociable guy who likes to have a bit of fun. Nothing wrong with that. Certainly I'm not slapper, and have spent most of my adult life in relationships, yet have probably been with 50 women or so! I think that's a fairly normal figure. For non-nerds anyway.

I'd means your not fussy about who you have sex with. I'm not a nerd or a prude I just wouldn't allow myself the risk of catching a disease or getting pregnant by somebody I don't know.

It's not all that difficult even for nerds to sleep with a different person every night (alot of people are drunk or off their faces). Think it's more about having a bit of self respect.

I much prefer being with someone who put up a bit of a chase than someone who is willing to sleep with anyone.

SarahSassy

L31mr0d wrote: »

It doesn't, that was my point. Did you read the rest of my post? Without fail when they perform surveys of sexual partners for both sexes it always comes back that men have a higher average than women. I already said that this cannot be true. The number for both has to be the same.

Unless its a certain number of women who are sleeping with a lot of different partners.

OP I think you have gotten all the information out of him than you can and I certainly would not keep bringing this up each time you meet him. You have your facts now so decide what you are going to do with him - date him or not...

You dont know if you are going to be only no 81 but then ae you sure, at this stage, if you will never sleep with anyone other than him... Its too early to know..

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

Think it's more about having a bit of self respect.

I much prefer being with someone who put up a bit of a chase than someone who is willing to sleep with anyone.

I think you misunderstood what I'm saying. I'm not talking about sleeping with 'whatever you can get'. I'm talking about meeting people you are attracted to and sleeping with them.

I also fail to see the connection between lacking self respect and wanting to have sex with someone. Do you think casual sex is degrading? If so, why?

I think you misunderstood what I'm saying. I'm not talking about sleeping with 'whatever you can get'. I'm talking about meeting people you are attracted to and sleeping with them.

Wasn't me who made the comment, but someone who has had 50+ sexual partners is obviously not picky. I can't see how there's any debating that. I've had the opportunity to have had that many or more, but I've only been with 3 people. I'm not a nerd, I used to go out loads and meet loads of people but only met someone I'd consider kissing every couple of months, let alone sleeping with them. There's nothing wrong with sleeping with loads of people if you want to, but I don't know why people have to qualify it by saying they're picky or they don't ride just anyone.

I also fail to see the connection between lacking self respect and wanting to have sex with someone. Do you think casual sex is degrading? If so, why?

Sex is very intimate, I mean you have someone inside you (if you're a girl ).;) I can understand why some people who place a lot of value on it might feel that others are lacking in self respect if they do it with dozens of randomers.

G-Money

deathstarkiller wrote: »

Jeez, I must be doing something seriously wrong. 80? I'm 36, single and it's well, it's ehhh a lot less than that, less than 10, less that 5 actually.
Anywhoo, it's just a number. As long as you're being treated right and there's no messing around I wouldn't worry about. As you can guess I've had to deal with women who had a lot more partners than me. I didn't have to deal with too many women though.
Oh dear, I need to get out there.

I've been afraid of a thread like this cropping up. I have to admit 80 sounds like a lot, but for me it's part jealousy that I haven't had more experience, and part feelings of inadequacy on my part. Deathstarkiller don't feel too bad, I can count the number of times on one hand, with two fingers. And that's the number of times and the number of partners

I can't speak for what it must be like to be in a girls shoes her being told that, but it would really put me off a girl if she told me she'd been with 80 men.

iguana

[quote=[Deleted User];60009984]Sex is very intimate, I mean you have someone inside you (if you're a girl ).;) I can understand why some people who place a lot of value on it might feel that others are lacking in self respect if they do it with dozens of randomers.[/QUOTE]

How exactly does it equate with self-respect though? I actually see it as having far more self-respect to have the confidence to do whatever feels good to you, whether that is having a sexual encounter with a sexy stranger or only having sex with one person in your whole life. Having the belief that you can do what you desire, as long as you aren't hurting anyone, is what self-respect means.

And I had a guy I just met inside me this morning, granted it was my dentist with his fingers in my mouth, but being "inside" you is a relative term. And at least sex is more enjoyable.:D

AARRRGH

[quote=[Deleted User];60009984]Wasn't me who made the comment, but someone who has had 50+ sexual partners is obviously not picky. I can't see how there's any debating that.[/quote]

Excuse me, I am very picky! I just happen to be good at getting the women I want. For example, if I'm in a bar, and there is one girl I like, I would go talk to her.

That is totally different than sleeping with anyone. Totally different.


[quote=[Deleted User];60009984]Sex is very intimate, I mean you have someone inside you (if you're a girl ).;) I can understand why some people who place a lot of value on it might feel that others are lacking in self respect if they do it with dozens of randomers.[/QUOTE]

I do think sex is way more intimate for a girl than a guy, but there is something quite odd about thinking people who have had a lot of partners are lacking in self respect.

If you choose to do something, and you are happy to do it, then self respect is a non-issue.

If you personally are not the type who can/wants to have sex with many people, that's fine, but it doesn't mean you have more self respect. It just means you are different.

AARRRGH

AARRRGH wrote: »

Excuse me, I am very picky! I just happen to be good at getting the women I want. For example, if I'm in a bar, and there is one girl I like, I would go talk to her.
.

Yeah but my point is I doubt I'd ever meet 50 men I'd consider sleeping with, full stop. I'd be considered good looking and I get approached by men all the time so it's not for lack of opportunity of a lack of social skills. Your idea of picky is obviously very different from mine and the OP's (not that there's anything wrong with having 50 partners if you so desire but I can't see how that is picky at all)

I do think sex is way more intimate for a girl than a guy, but there is something quite odd about thinking people who have had a lot of partners are lacking in self respect.

If you choose to do something, and you are happy to do it, then self respect is a non-issue.

If you personally are not the type who can/wants to have sex with many people, that's fine, but it doesn't mean you have more self respect. It just means you are different.

I agree, but I can see how people could think that.

AARRRGH

[quote=[Deleted User];60010405]Yeah but my point is I doubt I'd ever meet 50 men I'd consider sleeping with, full stop. I'd be considered good looking and I get approached by men all the time so it's not for lack of opportunity of a lack of social skills. Your idea of picky is obviously very different from mine and the OP's (not that there's anything wrong with having 50 partners if you so desire but I can't see how that is picky at all)[/QUOTE]

It's picky because it could be 500 or 5000 instead of 50. Like you, I find it easy to meet people, so every single time I go out there are numerous women I could bring home. So out of all the opportunities I've had, 50 is picky.

Of course, like most people, there are a few I regret (alcohol...) but in general, at no point am I taking whatever I can get, or sleeping with any randomer.

iguana

AARRRGH wrote: »

I do think sex is way more intimate for a girl than a guy, but there is something quite odd about thinking people who have had a lot of partners are lacking in self respect.

If you choose to do something, and you are happy to do it, then self respect is a non-issue.

There is a perception that women who have a large number of sexual partners only do so because they are desperate to make men like them. Therefore have no self respect.

Personally, I've only ever come across women like that on tv. I have however met plenty of women who just enjoy sex.

AARRRGH

AARRRGH wrote: »

It's picky because it could be 500 or 5000 instead of 50. Like you, I find it easy to meet people, so every single time I go out there are numerous women I could bring home. So out of all the opportunities I've had, 50 is picky.

Of course, like most people, there are a few I regret (alcohol...) but in general, at no point am I taking whatever I can get, or sleeping with any randomer.

I could say I've only had 3 out of 5000 But no point going round in circles. I would say that even if OP's boyfriend hadn't been picky, it doesn't mean he's only with her for sex or he doesn't want a serious relationship. I know some total manwhores who would and have shagged anything and they're happier than ever now in relationships.

SarahSassy

[quote=[Deleted User];60010640] I would say that even if OP's boyfriend hadn't been picky, it doesn't mean he's only with her for sex or he doesn't want a serious relationship. I know some total manwhores who would and have shagged anything and they're happier than ever now in relationships.[/QUOTE]

+ 100%

Madame Razz

I've had sex with many men, but actually made love to very few.

Many have fulfilled needs, but few have fulfilled wants.

I think there's a very great distinction between the two, and that they are two entirely different forms and expressions of intimacy.

Which is why I'd never get too bogged down with a persons 'number'....

Experience afterall, is the name everybody gives to their mistakes;)

G-Money

I think I need to stop reading this thread as it's depressing me!

Stheno

Madame Razz wrote: »

I think there's a very great distinction between the two, and that they are two entirely different forms and expressions of intimacy.

Which is why I'd never get too bogged down with a persons 'number'....

Experience afterall, is the name everybody gives to their mistakes;)

+1, as Izzy also said above, people can go through a man/woman whore phase, and then settle in very fulfilling long term relationships.

cafecolour

I'd say a more important question is 'how many long term relationships have you had?' If the answer is none by the time he's that age, that's more troubling.

As many have said, 80 is not that high for his age. In fact, if he was mainly just into sleeping around, it would be far HIGHER by that age. It could be a few wild years, it could be a habit of dating someone for a few years than having one night stands on the rebound, who knows?

I myself am probably at about half that, which is very LOW for a mid-30s gay male - so cultural context can play apart as well Was never one for one night stands, but could be a bit of a commitment-phobe/serial monogamist, so for each of my year+ partners, there are like 10 that never made it past 2 or 3 months.