My fiancé's best friend...

LegacyUser

Hi

sorry to burden other people with this but i need some help. Im so worried about what to say or do cause it was just so silly of me but i was drunk. Ill try to keep it short

Been in a long term relationship with my now fiancee. We got engaged last december and we've been talking plans for wedding a lot. this make sme happy and i want to be with him so much! Last week i went out with a group of friends, we have the same circle of friends, but he didnt come out cause he had work the next day

So we were out in dublin and it was getting towards the end of the night. I was there with his best mate after a gig and we were just hanging out at the bar. We did a few tequila shots and had some fun with cocktails so i was really drunk then. I did notice that he was being flirtatious during the night but he seems to be like this a lot so i didnt take notice of it at first. but i do remember him being really flirty and next thing i remember is snogging him on the dancefloor while we were dancing. He definetly made the first moves, and i feel like it was a bit forced with him buying me so much drink and constant flirting. And then next thing i remember is in his apartment having sex. I barely remember it.

I didnt stay i went home after, but i had to go in to my fiancee who asked if i had a good night... i just said yeah it was fun & got into bed and slept. None of the other mates from the group saw us so i think that i am safe there. But he noticed something is up cause ive been a lot more quiet in the last week thinking about it should i tell him or not and what should i do about his mate? I havent seen him or talked to him since then, but i know he has seen my fiancee since and nothing was said...

what to do... this is all such a mess!! It wasnt my fault, he wouldnt stop coming onto me and in a moment of drunken weakness i broke! I cant even remember how it happened. Im disappointed at myself but it wasnt my fault.

Beruthiel

Pink! wrote: »

It wasnt my fault

It was as much your fault as his.

he wouldnt stop coming onto me and in a moment of drunken weakness i broke! I cant even remember how it happened. Im disappointed at myself but it wasnt my fault.

Sorry. I'm not buying it.
You are a grown woman. In charge of yourself.
You could have stopped drinking at any stage during the night when you saw you were losing control.
You didn't.
Why not?

Your b/f needs to be told.

Vegeta

Wow talk about trying to blame the other guy.

The only things you seem to remember is that it wasn't your fault. How convenient for you.

Suck it up, you're a cheat and now you have to deal with it.

ibarelycare

Your post makes it seem like your more bothered about making sure your tracks are covered and your fiance doesn't find out, than about the fact that you betrayed the man you're supposed to marry.

Alcohol is no excuse. You're practically accusing the friend of getting you drunk so he could sleep with you. You're an adult right? Grow up and take some responsibility.

puglover

Pink! wrote: »

Hi

sorry to burden other people with this but i need some help. Im so worried about what to say or do cause it was just so silly of me but i was drunk. Ill try to keep it short

Been in a long term relationship with my now fiancee. We got engaged last december and we've been talking plans for wedding a lot. this make sme happy and i want to be with him so much! Last week i went out with a group of friends, we have the same circle of friends, but he didnt come out cause he had work the next day

So we were out in dublin and it was getting towards the end of the night. I was there with his best mate after a gig and we were just hanging out at the bar. We did a few tequila shots and had some fun with cocktails so i was really drunk then. I did notice that he was being flirtatious during the night but he seems to be like this a lot so i didnt take notice of it at first. but i do remember him being really flirty and next thing i remember is snogging him on the dancefloor while we were dancing. He definetly made the first moves, and i feel like it was a bit forced with him buying me so much drink and constant flirting. And then next thing i remember is in his apartment having sex. I barely remember it.

I didnt stay i went home after, but i had to go in to my fiancee who asked if i had a good night... i just said yeah it was fun & got into bed and slept. None of the other mates from the group saw us so i think that i am safe there. But he noticed something is up cause ive been a lot more quiet in the last week thinking about it should i tell him or not and what should i do about his mate? I havent seen him or talked to him since then, but i know he has seen my fiancee since and nothing was said...

what to do... this is all such a mess!! It wasnt my fault, he wouldnt stop coming onto me and in a moment of drunken weakness i broke! I cant even remember how it happened. Im disappointed at myself but it wasnt my fault.

It was your fault, it takes two to tango. You are obviously in denial but you did this.

You need to tell your fiancee and let him make a decision on what he wants to do. A word of advice, go in making excuses (like being drunk) and placing all the blame with the friend won't do you any favours.

Latchy

You cheated ,simple as that .

How you justify and explain it (to yourself ) more than anybody else is another thing .

Milkey Bar Kid

Your such a horrible person for doing that . Tell him and let him go on with his life. You know that you got away with it once and im sure will do it again. theres a reason you did it and don't hide behind blaming the drink . you knew what you were doing .
I have no respect for you
And im sorry for your partner . You dont deserve him

Taltos

Not many choices.

You can tell him and beg for forgiveness
Your friends might tell him - if you were really that drunk are you sure none saw.
His friend might tell him - next time they go for shots, wonder if his story will match yours? Or will it just be "man we got twisted and messed up!"

Or say nothing.
But - if it comes out you might be back on here in a few years asking how to save your marriage...

If I were your b/f I would prefer to know now - instead of later feeling I was tricked or lied to into marriage.

Counselling might help - but your relationship will change.

Heisenberg.

This post has been deleted.

PCPhoto

OP ......

talk to the "best friend" and talk to your Fiance ....... only from talking with these people will you know what to do.

Do you remember if "best friend" used a condom ?
- if you dont remember - then go get tested.
- if you remember and he didnt then go get tested,
- if you remember and he did .... you consciously made the decision to end your relationship that night (takes time/effort to put a condom on - if you were as drunk as you claim... either you or the guy was not as drunk as you say.)

Have a nice day

Shivers26

We've all been on nights out where we got drunk and managed to not cheat. You really need to take responsibility for your actions.
You could choose to say nothing but what if his friend tells him, would you prefer that.
If you truly love this man and this was a mistake, tell him and beg for his forgiveness. Your relationship will change for sure. To cheat is a horrible thing, but to cheat with his best mate is a very low thing for you both to do.

Maybe he'll have it in him to forgive you and maybe he wont but he deserves to know.

Vegeta

Scien wrote: »

Prepare to have both of those titles removed shortly, because the truth will come out.

Oh no Scien, she was sober enough to remember no one saw her but was conveniently drunk enough that it wasn't her fault.

I've never seen someone so brazenly try to shed responsibility and guilt like that.

I'd have some pity if the OP owned up and said, "yeah I wanted it at the time but it was stupid and I regret it"

The "It was the drink and all his fault" defense is quite simply bollox

star-pants

Beruthiel wrote: »

It was as much your fault as his.

Sorry. I'm not buying it.
You are a grown woman. In charge of yourself.
You could have stopped drinking at any stage during the night when you saw you were losing control.
You didn't.
Why not?

Your b/f needs to be told.

+1 there

It wasn't your fault cuz he kept coming on to you? You don't remember leaving but you know that noone saw you? You were sober enough to have sex but don't really remember it?

Get checked for STIs and tell your fiancee.

seamus

I'm sure most people can recount multiple stories of having people come on to them while they were hammered and miraculously managing to not cheat. I just don't buy the "I was hammered" story. Deep down, you were open to the idea which is why it came to fruition when you were drunk.
You wanted it, you can't blame it on drink.

ManOfMystery

You feel he forced you into it? If you didn't consent to sex, it's rape.

If you did consent to it, then admit you knew what you were doing and take responsibility.

Oh The Humanity

It wasnt my fault

It was your fault.

As for blaming drink, you drank it.

If you cant control yourself when you are drunk, you dont get drunk.

Im not saying these things dont happen, they do but dont try to absolve yourself of blame.

You have to come clean with your boyfriend and get an STI test.

Kimia

It was your fault and you will have to live with it.

Having said that, it sounds like perhaps he was jealous of his friend so he tries to get what his friend has.. you.

And you let him away with it. For shame.

Bad form out of both of you. It's horrendous and the guilt will kill you, and these things don't 'just happen'.

smileysurfer

Vegeta wrote: »

Wow talk about trying to blame the other guy.

The only things you seem to remember is that it wasn't your fault. How convenient for you.

Suck it up, you're a cheat and now you have to deal with it.

couldnt agree more!! take responsibility becasue it WAS your fault!! :rolleyes:

Att-tichoo

in your entire post there is not one mention of remorse or guilt for what you have actually done.

A drunken kiss is bad enough but fair enough if you were hammered maybe this could happen

To actually have your senses about you to a)get back to the friends place b)have sex..im taking it lasted more that 1 minute and you didnt stop it c)know that noone else saw ye d) make it back to your bf and lie openly then you were not that drunk...

you didnt mention if the friend was single or not?..if he is single then apart from loyalties to his friend(your bf) then he actually has no other ties.

Stop making excuses, you're in the wrong 100% apart from the cheating your basically saying this friend raped you as you did not consent, this accusation if false is worse than cheating imo

Come clean to your bf and if your ever lucky enough to be in a happy relationship again dont fcuk it up!

prinz

Pink! wrote: »

i do remember him being really flirty and next thing i remember is snogging him on the dancefloor while we were dancing. He definetly made the first moves, and i feel like it was a bit forced with him buying me so much drink and constant flirting. And then next thing i remember is in his apartment having sex.

OK, get you so far..

Pink! wrote: »

I barely remember it.

but i thought you said you did....... Bill Clinton springs to mind.

Buying you drink and flirting =/= him forcing himself on you. Yes you did it. You "barely remember" having sex, yet managed to get up, go home, talk to your fiancé, get into bed etc.,.........

and make your excuses.

username123

It was your fault just as much as it was the friends fault. You are both betrayers of the worst kind.

You couldnt have been that drunk if you remembered
(a) snogging on dancefloor
(b) having sex with him
(c) that you better go home after the sex
(d) your address
(e) talking to your fiancé before going to sleep

Id strongly advise you to break up with your fiancé, even if you dont tell him the truth you will simply be furthering the deception if you marry him after casually f**king his best friend.

Mr. Frost

Do you really think it's fair you on your fiancee that you go through with the wedding? Of course it's not. You don't have to tell him what happened and the truth will eventually come out but, you should end it with him before you cheat on him again by marrying him. He deserves a better. And I pity whoever ends up with you.

eddie.fandango

Well, the OP obviously couldn't commit to learning written English, so I suppose a meaningful relationship must be a challenge for her.

OP, you are taking no responsibility at all for what you did. It takes an immense amount of trust to commit to an engagement, and you violated that trust completely. Your fiancee's best friend is almost as bad, but he isn't the one who's going to marry your fiancee, you are.

Wibbs

I've met this type of woman before(there's likely a male version, the ladies will inform there). Scarily common. Run with their emotions and the twitching down below and then justify it to themselves afterwards. They switch off their "moral" brain and engage the crotch. Like a mad kind of self hypnosis. Indeed the one way to stop it, if I wasn't interested was to mention the BF enough times that she saw how dubious she was being. If I didn't they mostly continued. That way they could blame me, the drink, the phase of the moon etc. Anything but themselves.

Drink, he convinced me, we had a spark, I couldn't believe it was happening etc. The list is endless and as I say boringly common. In each case of drink being blamed they were never as drunk as they claimed the morning after. They went along with it, even pushed for it all the way. Indeed more than once they swore it would never happen again, they loved their bloke and yet it did happen again.

A very brief drunken snog that you stopped fine, could happen to a bishop but you don't just fall into shagging in his house. If it was only that easy.:rolleyes: There are way too many steps along the way where you can cry stop. Stopping the gargle. Not dancing with him. Not flirting with him. Not responding to his snogs. Not getting into a taxi with him. Not going through the door of his house. Not dropping to the floor. Not dropping your knickers. Not throwing your legs in the air. Again it's a long list, any point of which you could have stopped.

Trust me I was one of those guys women like this were doing it with in my manwhore days. Though never with a woman that her bloke was known to me. Hey I may have been a whore and not proud of it now, but there was a line even I wouldn't cross back then. So he's a git of the highest order too.

So what do you do now. well if this was a glitch in how you act, then learn from it. Do not drink to this degree and if you can't control your actions in such high sexual/emotional situations then don't put yourself in them.

If you find yourself in your general life doing things that you regret afterward and rather than acknowledging them, making up excuses and justifying such actions after the fact, then look deep into yourself. Ask why you have not got this self control. Ask what you get out of this unhealthy behaviour. Maybe even get help for it.

Tell your BF? Im not so sure you will, or you will tell him and make it his fault somehow. Your post suggests that. Apologies if I'm reading you wrong.

My 2 cents anyway.

G-Money

At the risk of sounding like everyone else, this was definitely your fault. Although his best friend isn't much better either. But it's a complete cop out to think you are blameless here.
As Wibbs pointed out it's just another example of someone doing something and making up ridiculous justifications for it afterwards that actually don't hold any water.

To be honest I'm surprised you are not blaming your fiancee for this happening by saying some line like "Oh if he had just come out with me and hadn't be so focused on getting up for work, none of this would have happened".

You are talking like it was someone else who had sex with his best friend, but it wasn't, it was you.

Also, think of it this way. Imagine your fiancee goes out tonight and has sex with your best friend and says the same thing "oh she was flirting, I was drunk, it wasnt my fault". Would you honestly and genuinely believe that? You wouldn't for a second. You would be posting on here and dragging him over hot coals for eternity. Saying you wouldn't is only you trying to appease your guilty conscience.

As someone else said, best friend and fiancee. Both of those titles will be removed from yourself and the other guy fairly soon.

You are a grown woman, you know the difference between right and wrong. It really irks me when people don't take responsibility for their own actions and then try to shift the blame.

I just hope your fiancee doesn't come off the worse out of this. I know if a girl I was with cheated on me, I'd never forgive her or be able to trust her again.

You should prepare for the worst anyway. Even if you say nothing, that doesn't mean the "best friend" won't.

kittenkiller

Sorry OP, but you're going to have to take some responsibility here.
You were dancing close enough to the fella for him to get a snog you in the first place, probably loving the attention especially now that you're engaged and off the market (supposedly) and drunk or not you broke the trust between you and your fiancee in a very horrible and definate way.

Would you really be happy living in a relationship for the rest of your life knowing that you betrayed your partner and got away with it?
What's to stop it happening again?
You got away with it once....

snollup

your not exactly getting much sympathy here. you have to take responsibility for your actions im afraid. you have to tell your boyfriend. these sort of things always get found out. sorry for the boyfriend.

ellie1

it should i tell him or not and what should i do about his mate?

If you dont tell him, whose to say the friend wont sooner or later. Or that the friend wont tell a friend who will tell him. You could try talking to his friend.

If you tell him, you may well lose him.

the_syco

I'll bet the friend will tell others, and your boyfriend will hear it through others. You'll no doubt blame the drink, him, etc, and then you'll get dumped.

eveie

your just short of screaming rape!
your trying to cover your ass by using alcohol as an excuse, ive done some stupid things when ive been twisted but i always knew what i was doing.
you said yourself that this guy was being flirty with you but you continued drinking with him, if you had any sense you should have walked away or made excuses, but you probably liked the attention.
would you except alcohol as aqn excuse if your bf jumped into bed with your best friend.
grow up, take responsibility, tell your bf/fiance, otherwise you will be living a lie. there is a reason as to why you slept with his friend, maybe your not completely content with your fiance or something like that.

Pete4779

Pink! wrote: »

what to do... this is all such a mess!! It wasnt my fault, he wouldnt stop coming onto me and in a moment of drunken weakness i broke! I cant even remember how it happened. Im disappointed at myself but it wasnt my fault.

Forget about the fault and blame - alcohol and you clearly don't mix. People do do stupid things but they have to accept that they did actually do them.

The focus, IMHO, should be on where to now. Will it help things if you tell your fiancee - in that will it improve your relationship and marriage? If so, tell him. If not, then don't. What is the relationship between your fiancee and his best friend really like?

You need to remember in future not to get drunk like that and assume some self control of course.

CDfm

Pete4779 wrote: »

Forget about the fault and blame - alcohol and you clearly don't mix. People do do stupid things but they have to accept that they did actually do them.

The focus, IMHO, should be on where to now. Will it help things if you tell your fiancee - in that will it improve your relationship and marriage? If so, tell him. If not, then don't. What is the relationship between your fiancee and his best friend really like?

You need to remember in future not to get drunk like that and assume some self control of course.

I dont agree. This is not a decision for the OP only. It has wider ramifications- the OP isnt in the marriage zone at all with her behavior -not even close.

OP what you have done does not form a good basis for marriage.

You are 100% responsible for this and it wasnt the booze.

So at the very least you should call off your engagement.If not fess up completely.

It should be up to him whether he wants to marry the real you.

LegacyUser

Holy crap. People on this site are SO judgemental. None of ye must have ever made a mistake in yer lifes. I'd never come on here asking for advice. Most of what you end up getting is judgement from people calling you all sorts of things when they KnoW nothing about you other than what you have wrote.

OP I hope that you can sort this out and neither your fiance nor yourself have to pay a high price for the mistake you made that night. We have all done stupid things. LEARN FROM IT. i hope it works out ok for you

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

Holy crap. People on this site are SO judgemental. None of ye must have ever made a mistake in yer lifes. I'd never come on here asking for advice. Most of what you end up getting is judgement from people calling you all sorts of things when they KnoW nothing about you other than what you have wrote.

OP I hope that you can sort this out and neither your fiance nor yourself have to pay a high price for the mistake you made that night. We have all done stupid things. LEARN FROM IT. i hope it works out ok for you

When someone gets engaged to marry fidelity and exclusivity is part of the package or at least her OH may think.

She had sex with the boyfriends best friend. Jeez talk about close to home and one boozy comment from yer man ...........I think OP understands that it so high risk that it will inevitably come out and she may have no other option but to tell.

Its not judgement to point out the truth even though its horrible.It is best to do so now when it will cause the least damage.

SarahSassy

prinz wrote: »

Yes you did it. You "barely remember" having sex, yet managed to get up, go home, talk to your fiancé, get into bed etc.,.........

Exactly.... I would think you are spinning a bit of a yarn here. You knew exactly what you were doing and it was 50/50.

Your poor fiance, the 2 people closest to him have just betrayed him.

You have no choice but to tell him or just finish it and dont tell him. Staying as things are is not an option.

estar

there is no such thing as a secret. this is going to follow you and grow.

just say the best friend gets all guilty in 5 years time, and has to tell him to ease his conscience/

it should be your fiances choice what happens after he knows everything not yours.

a kiss is one thing. shagging the best friend and then coming home and telling him - jaysus that was a grand night.

that is just wrong. you are making a fool of him now and when he finds out he will hate you for it.

Latchy

Unregistered wrote: »

Holy crap. People on this site are SO judgemental. None of ye must have ever made a mistake in yer lifes. I'd never come on here asking for advice. Most of what you end up getting is judgement from people calling you all sorts of things when they KnoW nothing about you other than what you have wrote.

Which is preciesly why people are giving random replies because none of us knows the OP .If we did, we would know more about the person and personality behind the event . She by her own admission has made a mistake and asked for honest advice .We could all say '' ah dont worry about it OP ,we all make mistakes '' but that is not going to help resolve her prediciment . I agree nobody has a right to call her any nasty names regardless of what they think .

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

Holy crap. People on this site are SO judgemental. None of ye must have ever made a mistake in yer lifes. I'd never come on here asking for advice.

To be honest, I can't blame you. The internet and being anonomous can give you the power to say what you like without getting punched in the face. But there's still some good solid advice admist the bull****.

On this issue though, people are aggrivated because the OP is blaming it all on the best friend. I'd be inclined to turn against her based on that alone, she's making excuses for herself. Fact is it's you and the best mate's fault love. If you want to do the right thing, tell your fiancee and let him decide what to do. Keeping it quiet probably won't work. It'll rear it's ugly head in the future.

lustyscorpio

Pink,
I've read ur post & reply.. everyone has an opinion but you have to ask yourself was there always someting between ya's for this to happen oiut of the blue is weird..he he/you always have a flirt did he/you make a pouont to be loose the rest of the group that night..

if it was a one off i wouldnt tell your partner but if there is feelings there i'd seriously would think about getting married.

you also need to take some of the blame your post was very one side.

regards,
Lusty Scorpio

Miss Fluff

Pink! wrote: »

Im so worried about what to say or do cause it was just so silly of me but i was drunk

He definetly made the first moves, and i feel like it was a bit forced with him buying me so much drink and constant flirting.

I barely remember it.

None of the other mates from the group saw us so i think that i am safe there.


what to do... this is all such a mess!! It wasnt my fault, he wouldnt stop coming onto me and in a moment of drunken weakness i broke!

I cant even remember how it happened. Im disappointed at myself but it wasnt my fault.

Everyone can f8ck up. Everyone is capable of f8cking up on a massive scale. What happens when most people f8ck up is that they are eaten alive with remorse and shame and guilt and self-loathing. All your post smacks of is "will I be found out?" and "But it wasn't my fault!". You don't even sound sorry. Not remotely. Your post is full of excuses and you don't seem to want to take any responsibility for how YOU acted. And yes it was you who made the decision to go home to your finacees best friend's house and let him put his penis in your vagina. I'm sure there was plenty of opportunity leading up to the event to bow out and you chose not to.

Secrets of this magnitude have a nasty habit of coming out eventually. I'd do the decent thing if I were you and tell your fiancee. And when you tell him, I'd disgard the plethora of excuses you have at the ready. I'd tell him the cold hard facts and let him make a decision on who he trusts with his love and friendship because not telling him imho is even worse than shagging his best friend and carrying on as normal.

Sinall

OP, it sounds from your post that you are trying to convince yourself that its not your fault. I can understand why your initial instinct might be to do that - you are probably sick and tormented over it all right now. It takes two to tango and both of you are in the wrong. Allocating blame is not going to help things one way or another but I'm sure you know that this is your responsibility too.

Not telling your fiancé might seem like the easy way out, but you are the one who is going to have to live with this secret. And as other posters have pointed out, it could easily come out down the line.

Do you have any feelings for your fiancé's friend? Do you think this is likely to happen again? And do you think you can make your vows on your wedding day whilst keeping this a secret?

You are the only person who knows the answer to all of these questions and you are going to have to weigh it all up and see what the best thing to do is. You might feel a sense of relief that you have "gotten away" with it but will it happen again?

LegacyUser

after reading this post and the replies its clear that everyone is on the same wavelength (pretty much everyone), this is because this topic touches close to home. nobody would want to think that their fiance/wife has done or would be capable of doing such a thing.

i dont honestly believe that the OP will tell her fiance, as said before she merely wants some1 to tell her it was just a "drunken mistake" so she can justify it and move on.

above all else i think the fact that she has not replied to any of the comments posted just proves that point.

vinnyryan

Op, 3 non judgemental subsequent to many good points that have been made.

Do you sincerely want to spend the rest of your life with this man, is there more colour behind why you might have acted this way? Have you done this before in any other relationship?

Do you think (and if you don't know you don't know) there is any possibility of forgiveness?

If the answer to the above is yes tell him. If not, explain less painful reasons to end the relationship.

Finally, just from the way you present is date rape pill possible and no excuses!

Salome

Sorry OP - but you were aware of what was going on and at no stage did you try and stop it.

You are responsible for this - either fess up or live with it.

Are you sure you want to be engaged? Your behaviour screams of someone who is dissatisfied with their life and wants to try something different, without thinking things through.

Don't blame anyone or anything else but yourself. Take responsibility for YOUR actions.

Milkey Bar Kid

Latchy wrote: »

Which is preciesly why people are giving random replies because none of us knows the OP .If we did, we would know more about the person and personality behind the event . She by her own admission has made a mistake and asked for honest advice .We could all say '' ah dont worry about it OP ,we all make mistakes '' but that is not going to help resolve her prediciment . I agree nobody has a right to call her any nasty names regardless of what they think .

That was no mistake . She is engaged and banged her B/F best mate. How can you call that a mistake??
Thats stupid.
I hope you a seriously in the sh*t now .

CDfm

Milkey Bar Kid wrote: »

That was no mistake . She is engaged and banged her B/F best mate. How can you call that a mistake??
Thats stupid.
I hope you a seriously in the sh*t now .

Like others I think it is time for the OP to act responsibly.

I just wonder does she have the character to do so.

ITS looks like she does not.

Chocoholic84

Right, well firstly, I don't buy the whole "oh it wasn't my fault, I was hammered" thing - ESPECIALLY if it's to do with sex. Sorry but if you're completely inebriated, it's near damn impossible to do it!

Secondly, I really don't think any kind of cheating can be excused with drink anyway - if you are totally and utterly in love with someone, you're gonna be thinking about them all the time, especially if they're not there - NOT flirting and snogging their best friend :rolleyes:

OP, my advice to you is, I really don't think you're ready for a commitment as serious as marriage, and especially not to somebody who you obviously have no regard for. You sound very immature, and I reckon you should be single for a while.

If you don't want to tell your b/f, BREAK UP WITH HIM. He deserves a better wife than you.

LegacyUser

OP here...

kind of forgot about this thread until today

over the weekend i confronted his best friend about what happened. He was over at the house and my fiancee was up for a shower. I asked him what happened that night with us and he said while it was blurry cause of drink that he remembers we did 'hook up'. He says he hasnt said anything but that my fiancee knows something is up with him cause he said he has been very quiet over last while. But he hasnt said anything and asked if i had and i said no. For now its keeping under wraps.

I have no feeling for this guy, he is a good friend, or was a good friend and has always acted nice to me. I dont know what changed on the night but he said he just felt something that night. I cant remember what happened though or how it happened and its so frustrating!!! I have never cheated on anyone ever before and i dont know why i did now as well, i didnt mean to i didnt realise what i was doing! He was in a relationship before that ended when she cheated on him and i dont want things to end over a stupid mistake! I dont know if i should tell him


I wouldnt think that there was any date rape drug about anything, is there any clues or things i can get tested to find out?

Stheno

Pink! wrote: »

OP here...

kind of forgot about this thread until today

over the weekend i confronted his best friend about what happened. He was over at the house and my fiancee was up for a shower. I asked him what happened that night with us and he said while it was blurry cause of drink that he remembers we did 'hook up'. He says he hasnt said anything but that my fiancee knows something is up with him cause he said he has been very quiet over last while. But he hasnt said anything and asked if i had and i said no. For now its keeping under wraps.

Until someone (most likely the friend) feels guilty, and combined with drink on a night out with your fiance, feels the need to spill.

Seems to me like you are both trying to blame "drink"

I have no feeling for this guy, he is a good friend, or was a good friend and has always acted nice to me. I dont know what changed on the night but he said he just felt something that night. I cant remember what happened though or how it happened and its so frustrating!!! I have never cheated on anyone ever before and i dont know why i did now as well, i didnt mean to i didnt realise what i was doing! He was in a relationship before that ended when she cheated on him and i dont want things to end over a stupid mistake! I dont know if i should tell him

It wasn't a stupid mistake, you got so blotto that you had no apparent control over yourself, and went and cheated on your fiance with his best friend"!!!

To make it worse, your fiance has been cheated on before and you know that and that it ended because of it, and you are still not facing up to what you have done.

I wouldnt think that there was any date rape drug about anything, is there any clues or things i can get tested to find out?

Too late at this stage, and frankly given your conversation with the friend over the weekend, I think this is a bit "clutching at straws" i.e. "It couldn't have been just me, I've never done this before, someone must have slipped something in my drink"

You really need to accept what you have done.

CDfm

Pink! wrote: »

OP here...

kind of forgot about this thread until today

That sounds like a case of drunk posting. Oh dear.

Just being ironic here.

Milkey Bar Kid

I dont believe this thread.
To me its fake