Women who hit.

LegacyUser

Women who hit guys and think they can just get away with it. Who do you think you are? Seriosly, i dont like it and i dont get on with women who do. Or so i thought...

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 3 years. Im from NZ where i used to play rugby, and when i came here i started body building. She is from ireland and i met up just after i moved over here with her. She is great fun and we dated for a while and everything has been great. About half a year ago though she started this little thing where she would hit me for sly comments. Now, im a big guy, so its not like it hurts, but she progressively did get more violent.

When things got a bit heated a couple of times she thought it would be fine to hit me, once was with a pot she was holding. This was after it getting progressively worse, i dont know where she picked this thing up from and i had told her a efw times about it. that it is unladylike and bad for us. There was some retort saying that she didnt think that words were getting through and that the only way to express herself with anger or annoyance was physically. I said this was BS.

But anyway back to the pot incident. When this happened, she had hit me with the pot twice and was going for a third. I caught her hand though and told her to stop this. She started screaming and wrestling, so i let her go and she hit me again. this time i snapped, and backhanded her. Stopped instantly. She went to the ground, started weeping and clutching her head. I didnt hit her particlarly hard, but i know it wasnt painless... I told her she should not be hitting me at all and to use her words, comforted her and sat with her, and since then things have really picked up again. She admits she was wrong for it, and we are more in love than ever. She admits that she should never have taken advantage of my thoughts of never hitting women, as all men should, that there are limits even to this, and there has been no fighting since, and it seems like it wont again. Things are good.

So my wondering is... why do women think its ok? That they can get away with it? Do guys here think its ok to do at a limit? Or if you believe in feminism that they are just as equal to hit as men?

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

So my wondering is... why do women think its ok? That they can get away with it? Do guys here think its ok to do at a limit? Or if you believe in feminism that they are just as equal to hit as men?

You think that's what we should be discussing here???

No - That discussion is for Humanities.

Now - the discussion for this thread is "Should You Leave Your Girlfriend"


Yes, leave her today.
You are in a very unhealthy relationship and it will get steadily worse.
Leave. ASAP!

Kimia

Neither of you should be hitting anyone!

Your girlfriend seriously needs to sort out her issues, she sounds insane.

You shouldn't have hit her either, however I do understand (barely) that you were pushed to the absolute max.

You are in a destructive relationship and it sounds like the two of you will end of kicking the sh*te out of each other one of the days.

Do you really want that?

ellie1

So my wondering is... why do women think its ok?

Its never okay for a woman to hit a man or vice versa.

That they can get away with it?

Men and women get away with it a lot of the time.

Do guys here think its ok to do at a limit?

NO

Or if you believe in feminism that they are just as equal to hit as men?

Get out of a relationship where there is pysical abuse or a threat of physical abuse.

puglover

No neither of you should be hitting anyone.

I don't see what your PI is? Are you looking to be told you were justified?

domcq

If it were never to happen again, then fine. But it sounds to me like something that may well happen again and escalate into a really big mess.

In my experience 99% of all woman (and men for that matter) know that physical violence is very damaging in any relationship, so there's no excuse for it.

eddie.fandango

Hey OP. You know, this is a real contentious issue. First of all, I agree with the comment above that neither person should be hitting each other. That said, I don't think that anyone could criticise you too harshly; you were pushed to the absolute limit. You were defending yourself, and that is an intrinsic part of human nature.

As for the "You should never, ever hit a woman" argument...
If a woman came at me with a sharp object, and there was no way of disarming her without injuring myself...she would be picking her teeth up off the floor. It's a harsh reality, but you have to look after your own well being first and foremost. Dump this girl, and she might regret hitting you after the next guy is not so cool-headed as you.

biko

Since she now has copped on and won't be hitting you again I guess there is no issue any more. Good thing it stopped before it spiralled out of control (even though it did involve more hitting).

As long as you two get along now without arguments escalating to blows I guess case closed

Taltos

Agree with 1st poster...

Run.

Do you really think this is over?
Do you really think something will not cause her to snap again?
And next time do you think your reflexive response will be controlled enough not to put her in hospital and you in jail?
Man - no one will believe you, it will be her word against yours and you will lose.

Get out now or go for counselling.
I think if I were you and really loved her I would opt for counselling - but if rejected I would walk.

The clue here is that you are both more in love than ever - this is just the start of a spiral which will end up in a very bad place.

PCPhoto

OP - you obviously love her and she loves you - she was wrong to physically hit you and vice versa.

She claims that hitting you seemed like the only way to get your attention - you are obviously bigger than her physically so maybe she's learned that you have a point which you will hit back and wont take her beating you just to get her frustration out....

(here comes the best part)

Why was she frustrated ? do you actually listen to her or maybe just agree with her and do your own thing anyway.... talk to her and discuss what you are doing wrong (In her eyes) and how you both can deal with the situation.

AngryBadger

Certain mistakes can be forgiven, this is not one fo them. You're describing a situation where your gf hits you whenever she's upset. It's not about how much hurt/pain she's inflicting, it's about the fact that she obviously has very little respect for you if she feels this is in any way an appropriate response.

However the onus is on you to protect yourself, and to decide what you think is acceptable, mutually respectful behaviour. IMO this is neither, and you should leave her, or at the very least leave her if this happens again.

Oh The Humanity

So my wondering is... why do women think its ok?

I think you should rephrase that to: 'why do some women think its ok?'

The answer is simple, they are the same as men who hit. They are in the wrong. The same lame 'you made me do it, I had to do it to get through to you' justification is just as invalid coming from a woman as from a man.

Its not ok for anyone to hit, man OR woman.

That they can get away with it?

Maybe some men do let them away with it. But it doesn't make it right. A lot of times men are terrified to even restrain a violent female partner fearing she will scream and claim he is attacking her. Which unfortunately is common.

Do guys here think its ok to do at a limit? Or if you believe in feminism that they are just as equal to hit as men?

I am not a guy but fwiw I dont think you should have hit her back.
She was undisputably bang out of order and although in this case it had the result of bringing her to her senses....I really think walking away is the only option.

Hitting is wrong and has no place in a relationship. No one should be 'equal to be hit' man or woman, unless your life is in danger and it is last resort self defence.

Oh The Humanity

PCPhoto wrote: »

OP - you obviously love her and she loves you - she was wrong to physically hit you and vice versa.

She claims that hitting you seemed like the only way to get your attention - you are obviously bigger than her physically so maybe she's learned that you have a point which you will hit back and wont take her beating you just to get her frustration out....

(here comes the best part)

Why was she frustrated ? do you actually listen to her or maybe just agree with her and do your own thing anyway.... talk to her and discuss what you are doing wrong (In her eyes) and how you both can deal with the situation.

I really hate this approach to a violent or unreasonable female hitter. The whole 'talk to her, maybe something is bothering her' rubbish.

If something is bothering her she needs to communicate it. If OP doesn't listen, he doesn't listen.

Not listening to someone doesn't justify hitting someone. Imagine if the tables were turned and he was hitting her for not listening to him...

There would be outrage.

We have to leave behind these prehistoric double standards.

Wagon

Unregistered wrote: »

But anyway back to the pot incident. When this happened, she had hit me with the pot twice and was going for a third. I caught her hand though and told her to stop this. She started screaming and wrestling, so i let her go and she hit me again. this time i snapped, and backhanded her. Stopped instantly.

I would be inclined to put this under self defence on yourt part. Now people can say what they like but sometimes, you can't reason with a lunatic coming at you with a pot. Regardless of their gender.

So my wondering is... why do women think its ok? That they can get away with it? Do guys here think its ok to do at a limit? Or if you believe in feminism that they are just as equal to hit as men?

Yes it's okay to have a limit. Anyone who thinks you were wrong to defend yourself is a retard. There's a huge double standard about this. Women who do hit men know they can get away with it.

Shivers26

It is not acceptable for either of you to be hitting each other.

Counselling or anger management may help with this. Anger is a normal emotion but that are constructive and destructive ways of dealing with it.
Both of you need to get a handle on your anger / annoyance issues and also on your communication with each other.

I am speaking from experience here

LegacyUser

I was with a hitter for 7 years and didnt hit back.

I still wouldnt but for altogether different reasons.

You have reached the point of mutual violence and shouldnt go there and you know I am right.You have gotten socialised into a violent relationship just like you would be trained to kill in the army. An extreme example I know but thems the breaks.

I dont know enough about "battered wife symdrome" but I would look into it.

What if you picked up the pot and hit her. Not too cool.Worse, if she picked up a knife and stabbed you -in retaliation.

My understanding is that lots of violent relationships go this route. You have to stop and listen to the part of you that says you have integrity and that its not normal.

Anyway -the male victims of domestic violence help group is www.amen.ie 046 9023718 and you should contact them.

Its one of those things -men and women abuse each other in about equal numbers -its just that guys dont report it and womens groups never acknowledge it so there is probably nothing out there in the way of help for her.

If you love the woman -you help her more by not responding or only doing so using legal means like safety orders etc. That may well be what she needs.

Wibbs

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

I really hate this approach to a violent or unreasonable female hitter. The whole 'talk to her, maybe something is bothering her' rubbish.

If something is bothering her she needs to communicate it. If OP doesn't listen, he doesn't listen.

Not listening to someone doesn't justify hitting someone. Imagine if the tables were turned and he was hitting her for not listening to him...

There would be outrage.

We have to leave behind these prehistoric double standards.

QFT.

I've known men in this situation. The wierdest thing is like you they were all big strong men too and the women were tiny. Not what you would expect at all.

In each of those cases it escalated in much the same way you describe. It would start off with little thumps and go from there. They were testing the boundaries. In one case it ended up with one woman going for the guy with a poker and breaking a finger. At that point he did finally react pushing her away strongly and bruised her in the process. He ended up being thrown out of his own house and getting a barring order. The judge took one look at his size and wrongly assumed the worst and took her word. Now I knew her first so I would have taken her side at first and even though you can't know what goes on behind closed doors I slowly took his side. She pulled the same with the next guy only he walked(another massive guy).

I'm not saying this will happen to you, but as others have said if you were a woman they would all be saying get the hell out of Dodge and fast. The same applies to you. If after you leave, she acknowledges this as unhealthy behaviour and seeks real help for it, then and only then should you consider a future with her.

CDfm

ÒP. What part of it makes you think its acceptable to be the punchbag and look at how your instinctive response has changed.

You would not hit or accept being hit by a workmate.If it happened with someone you were not in a relationship with there would be prosecutions so why here and with her is it acceptable.

What excuses has she used?

LegacyUser

Op, I was in a similar position to yourself a few yours ago, I'm a pretty big guy who was going out with a great girl but when she got drunk and wated a fight she was like mike tyson. Normally I'd just keep her at arms length til she calmed down but on a couple of occasions she landed blows on me and one was with a cup which as I realised she could have taken an eye out etc if it had broke I lashed out and gave her an uppercut and knocked her flat out.

The gardai station was around the corner so I went in spoke to both a female and male officer, we went back to the house and my girlfriend told them that for 2 years she'd been trying to beat me up and had hit me with the cup, the looked on me as it was self defense. I had a good chat with the gardai and both of them made me see sense especially the male gardai here's a run down of what he said which really hit home with me.

Basically he said you could get back to normal as in her hitting me every fri/sat night etc and I may well keep her at arms length for 51 out of the 52 weeks of the year but she may hit me once and I may just f**king go mental and beat the crap out of her and do something bad and then things go really ****ing pear shaped ->jail sentence etc.


Thankfully I listened, broke up with the GF the next day and just walked away from the relationship. It wasnt healthy, hitting her was 5000% wrong but it made me realise how much of a dangerous situation was developing between us, in the words of the ban gardai the relationship was a timebomb waiting to happen and due to my size there would only be one winner (really loser) if it got physical.

OP I would echo whats been said above, I would leave and call time on this.

Jack B. Badd

Unregistered wrote: »

Basically he said you could get back to normal as in her hitting me every fri/sat night etc and I may well keep her at arms length for 51 out of the 52 weeks of the year but she may hit me once and I may just f**king go mental and beat the crap out of her and do something bad and then things go really ****ing pear shaped ->jail sentence etc.

This Garda's reaction is mind-boggling tbh, he appears to be saying that a man shouldn't stay in a relationship with an abusive woman because he may snap from the stress, beat the sh*t out of her and end up in jail himself! Ignore the fact that physical abuse from a (female) partner can, in itself, have a profound effect on a man on a number of different levels. Nope, the issue is that you may lose the rag and be provoked into a violent state yourself. Madness!

CDfm

Jack B. Badd wrote: »

This Garda's reaction is mind-boggling tbh, he appears to be saying that a man shouldn't stay in a relationship with an abusive woman because he may snap from the stress, beat the sh*t out of her and end up in jail himself! Ignore the fact that physical abuse from a (female) partner can, in itself, have a profound affect on a man on a number of different levels. Nope, the issue is that you may lose the rag and be provoked into a violent state yourself. Madness!

+1

OP thats you in the future.

Its how the Guards are trained. The majority of the DV government aid is paid to an organisation Womens Aid who dont run programs or advertising acknowledging violence by women. Lots of women would feel very uncomfortable posting and criticisng your g/f as it goes against the accepted ideology inm the same way tghe Guards or Courts have difficulty.

OP if you were a woman posting there would be any number of places you could go to for help accomadation etc.

You have some tough choices.

Stheno

CDfm wrote: »

+1

OP thats you in the future.

Its how the Guards are trained. The majority of the DV government aid is paid to an organisation Womens Aid who dont run programs or advertising acknowledging violence by women. Lots of women would feel very uncomfortable posting and criticisng your g/f as it goes against the accepted ideology inm the same way tghe Guards or Courts have difficulty.

OP if you were a woman posting there would be any number of places you could go to for help accomadation etc.

You have some tough choices.

See I think part of the problem (actually the vast majority of the problem) that you have described above, is the double standard that is applied when it comes to women hitting/abusing men as opposed to the opposite scenario.

Plus the fact that it's percieved that it's not "manly" if you "allow" a woman to hit/abuse you, and that there is no male equivalent of Women's aid.

On a final point, I'd wager that a fair few of those advocating the OP get out, are actually female, and as a female I would say that the OP should get out now, that sort of abuse has both physical and emotional/mental ramifications, and if you don't get out now, one of you (most likely you) will come to serious harm.

Best of luck.

CDfm

I disagree with the perceptions that its unmanly amd point out we dont go around hitting lots of people in our lives.

I dont hit my parents and I dont have a great relationship with them and not just because its a criminal offence but because its wrong.

FFS OP - cops and courts handle this kind of stuff and if she has an untreated mental illness or drink problem let her face up to it and be a better person. IMO she is doing it because she can - if she believed she had to face court etc for another episode well:rolleyes:

No point in accepting it and giving excuses. add this book to reading material for you both.

http://www.amazon.com/That-Bitch-Protect-Yourself-Malicious/dp/1901534103

estar

if someone hit me, and i asked them to stop and they hit me again.

DEAL BREAKER.

NON NEGOTIABLE. they can get therapy for that on their own time.

i like my partners fully formed.

there are a lot of things i would consider workign on with someone, and my tolerances are high.

but hitting someone, them asking you not to, and then them doing it again?????

thats a path someone walks without me.

AngryBadger

estar wrote: »

if someone hit me, and i asked them to stop and they hit me again.

DEAL BREAKER.

NON NEGOTIABLE. they can get therapy for that on their own time.

i like my partners fully formed.

there are a lot of things i would consider workign on with someone, and my tolerances are high.

but hitting someone, them asking you not to, and then them doing it again?????

thats a path someone walks without me.

+1

Brian Capture

surely hitting back - in retaliation - is more acceptable than instigating violence?

remember

two wrongs don't make a right

but
neither does one wrong make a right

mardybum

I think saying 'break up with your GF now' is a bit harsh.

I say that over anyone else you come into contact with, the people you love deserve forgiveness and a second chance. If you can't do this for the people you love, who can?

Depending on your relationship - how strong it is, what the postives and negatives are, it's up to you whether you're willing to work through really big problems like this, or cheating or whatever it is.

If you decide that your relationship with your GF is worth pursueing and mending, then you really need to see a counsellor or therapist, together. You're on the right road, as the violent behaviour has stopped and you're in love, but in order for this to continue and to stop the violent behaviour rearing its head in times of stress, you need to take steps to investigate where it comes from and how to exorcise it.

Don't think that just because it's stopped now, doesn't mean it won't ever happen again. Acting violence towards your partner is learned behaviour, and it comes from somewhere inside. Ignore it and it won't go away, it'll just stay hidden for a bit.

Also, I believe the people you love deserve forgiveness and second chances, but not third or fourth chances. Don't be a doormat.

p.s. like someone said before, don't start questioning whether or not this is normal or okay behaviour. Its not.

SarahSassy

The title of this post is 'Women who hit' but OP it could equally be called 'Men who hit' as it doesnt matter whether or not it was self defense, you hit her too.

You admitted you are a lot bigger than her and while her behaviour was abominable, yours was no better and dont use self-defense as an excuse. Bullying and thuggery mainly on your behalf given the fact that you are that much stronger than her.

Jack B. Badd

mardybum wrote: »

I think saying 'break up with your GF now' is a bit harsh.

Would it be too harsh if it was "break up with your boyfriend"? IMO advocating someone to stay in a physically abusive relationship is ridiculous and regardless of the inversion of stereotypical gender roles the OP is the victim of physical abuse.

mardybum

I think saying 'break up now' is easy for us to say, and not always that helpful.

I think if you're in a long term relationship with someone and it starts to break down, or things in it become unacceptable you need to decide whether to work at it or not.

In my opinion if you've devoted a number of years to your OH, you and they both deserve help over a problem that's in the way.

I don't believe people who hit each other are 'bad people', or evil or the like, I believe they are people who've learned a bad way of expressing their anger.

I know, from personal experience, that it can be unlearned. But it does need outside help.

And I mean a man or woman.

Wibbs

SarahSassy did you even read the OP. The major difference is that he didn't instigate the violence. While backhanding her was not the best option(restraining her or walking away being better), his response is hardly equal. She came at him and struck him with a pot. Twice. TBH if I was in his position being faced with someone man or woman swinging a lump of metal, wound up emotionally, irrational and intent on striking me and I could neither physically restrain her, nor leave(if she was too strong or just completely nutso), I would defend myself. Up to the point of a backhand. No question.

While as I say, his response was not the best option in that situation, to say he showed thuggery and bullying behaviour from his telling of it is frankly daft. Plus as he is so much stronger than her, what was she thinking? She is either a complete idiot who cant control her emotional state and/or more to the point she was relying on the fact that he wouldn't strike her. Both bad traits in someone. Man or woman.

OK take the gender out of the equation. Weaker man starts thumping a much stronger man. Takes a frying pan and hits him twice. The stronger man gives him a backhand. Less an issue? Many would say fair enough or even applaud the guy. Well then there's the double standard and there's one of the reasons emotional and physical violence by women against men will continue to be pushed under the carpet.

Davei141

SarahSassy wrote: »

The title of this post is 'Women who hit' but OP it could equally be called 'Men who hit' as it doesnt matter whether or not it was self defense, you hit her too.

You admitted you are a lot bigger than her and while her behaviour was abominable, yours was no better and dont use self-defense as an excuse. Bullying and thuggery mainly on your behalf given the fact that you are that much stronger than her.

This has to be a wind up. Your viewpoint is what let's these people away with this behaviour. What about small man syndrome who get's drunk and tries to start fights on guys much bigger than him to try prove something to himself, would a guy defending himself against that be alright? Or is it just because the Hitter is a woman?

CDfm

SarahSassy wrote: »

The title of this post is 'Women who hit' but OP it could equally be called 'Men who hit' as it doesnt matter whether or not it was self defense, you hit her too.

You admitted you are a lot bigger than her and while her behaviour was abominable, yours was no better and dont use self-defense as an excuse. Bullying and thuggery mainly on your behalf given the fact that you are that much stronger than her.

I cant believe you posted that.

WOW.

The OP is the victim here.

mardybum wrote: »

I think saying 'break up now' is easy for us to say, and not always that helpful.

I think if you're in a long term relationship with someone and it starts to break down, or things in it become unacceptable you need to decide whether to work at it or not.


I don't believe people who hit each other are 'bad people', or evil or the like, I believe they are people who've learned a bad way of expressing their anger.

I know, from personal experience, that it can be unlearned. But it does need outside help.

True Mardybum but the OPs head's been wrecked here - lookin at the above post and you could easily loose sight of who the victim is. That the OP reacted shows this.

I disagree on some of what you say and would love to see a solution on where the OH could go to unlearn her aggression. Lets face it she is the one with the problem.

SarahSassy

It doesnt matter that it was a male / female incident - I am ashamed to think there is a woman who acts like this. He should have taken the pot off her and walked away and out the door without slapping her to the floor.

There is no excuse for violence on either side - that was my point.. Also, he is bigger than her and there were other alternatives available to him than walloping her across the face...

He was also wrong, not as wrong as her as she attacked first but he should have walked the first time she did it - they are together 3 years and its happened before - what the f...???? TBH, she sounds like a total knacker but two wrongs dont make right.

Dont fall off those high horses now....

SarahSassy

SarahSassy wrote: »

It doesnt matter that it was a male / female incident - I am ashamed to think there is a woman who acts like this. He should have taken the pot off her and walked away and out the door without slapping her to the floor.

There is no excuse for violence on either side - that was my point.. Also, he is bigger than her and there were other alternatives available to him than walloping her across the face...

Sarah in all fairness it's quite easy to sit here at a computer very calmly looking at the situation and declaring what should or should not be done. Hindsight is a wonderful thing; however people do not have this opportunity in a situation like that, and while we'd all like to sit here and say we would do x y z in a highly emotionally charged dramatic similar situation, it's quite different from being there.
I sincerely doubt the OP is proud in any way of what he's done, so perhaps instead of lambasting him for reacting in an understandable manner, we could deal with the initial issue of assault and gender approaches to it.

Wibbs

You're first post said this; "yours was no better and dont use self-defense as an excuse. Bullying and thuggery mainly on your behalf" Eh she appears to be more the emotional and physical bully. Who was holding the pan?

Only after you have been called on it do you backtrack. Even then you still seem to stick to the notion that just because he's bigger and stronger(IE a man), that he is the one equally at fault, if not moreso.

As I said this is precisely why this double standard exists and there is little support or belief that a man would be physically bullied by a much weaker woman. Lets reverse it again. I am pretty damn sure that if the OP was a woman and her partner came at her with a saucepan, hit her twice and she then punched him, it would be seen as self defence much more than in this case.

I do not condone him hitting her, he could have gotten out of there, but as bluewolf said it's easy to say that in hindsight or in a less emotionally charged state. I know men who are into martial arts and they've been caught out. It's like those anti knife moves, great in theory. Tyring to grab a pot from someone wound up to high do is not that easy. It never seems as easy in reality as it does in theory.

Now it's how to go forward. A one off incident I could deal with if it never happened again, or was not part of an unstable pattern. Anyone can screw up. But if it is a part of her psyche, to lash out in an irrational manner, I personally would leave. No matter how much I love someone, I love myself that bit more and if any woman wound me up to the point where I laid her out, I would be gone. For both our sakes.

Terodil

I actually can't believe I'm reading this... and you're using the 'high horse' club...

Most of what was on my tongue has already been said following your initial post, but I would like to add:

SarahSassy wrote: »

There is no excuse for violence on either side - that was my point.. Also, he is bigger than her and there were other alternatives available to him than walloping her across the face...

It's not as if he had slapped her back immediately, which would have been an understandably emotional reaction towards an equally emotional (I guess, for the gf's sake) escalation, but he tried to stop her the first two times. She had another go at him, for a third time. Only then did he hit her. The way you write it here it looks as if he'd blown his fuse, immediately.

CDfm

SarahSassy wrote: »

It doesnt matter that it was a male / female incident - I am ashamed to think there is a woman who acts like this. He should have taken the pot off her and walked away and out the door without slapping her to the floor.

There is no excuse for violence on either side - that was my point.. Also, he is bigger than her and there were other alternatives available to him than walloping her across the face...

Dont fall off those high horses now....

I do not think he over reacted and that what he did was use reasonable force.

However - in a DV situation Female instigator situation that is unwise.

What the OP should do is go to the District Court and apply for a Safety Order (leading to a Protection Order) and this would allow his OH to continue co-habiting the only thing that would change is that she would have to give up her violent ways and not a bad thing IMHO. A Protection Order would be granted in the Interim allowing the OP to call the Guards if need be and they would have to act.

The OP can apply for this in the District Court (Family Court) and does not need a Solicitor to do so. THe OH can just accept the Safety Order and does not need a solicitor in Court. In fact it would be nice to feel that she can accept that she has done wrong and wouldnt need one.

If she feels she cant live with the OP without having violence or the threat of violence as a weapon then her attitude to the relationship is wrong.

If the situation then escalates the OP can seelk a Barring Order.

THese are Civil and not Criminal issues( and are held in camera so neither the OP or his OH should worry about their reputations as its totally private.

I cant see why the OP is even considering staying with this woman because if they had kids together the risk to the children would be huge.

mardybum

CDfm wrote: »

I do not think he over reacted and that what he did was use reasonable force.

However - in a DV situation Female instigator situation that is unwise.

What the OP should do is go to the District Court and apply for a Safety Order (leading to a Protection Order) and this would allow his OH to continue co-habiting the only thing that would change is that she would have to give up her violent ways and not a bad thing IMHO. A Protection Order would be granted in the Interim allowing the OP to call the Guards if need be and they would have to act.

The OP can apply for this in the District Court (Family Court) and does not need a Solicitor to do so. THe OH can just accept the Safety Order and does not need a solicitor in Court. In fact it would be nice to feel that she can accept that she has done wrong and wouldnt need one.

If she feels she cant live with the OP without having violence or the threat of violence as a weapon then her attitude to the relationship is wrong.

If the situation then escalates the OP can seelk a Barring Order.

THese are Civil and not Criminal issues( and are held in camera so neither the OP or his OH should worry about their reputations as its totally private.

I cant see why the OP is even considering staying with this woman because if they had kids together the risk to the children would be huge.

OP I think you got yourself some pretty solid practical advise there.