Boyfriend broke up with me in front of his mam!

LegacyUser · 24-04-2009 08:13AM #1

Morning Guys,
I’m sitting in work in a state of total disbelief. I am so shocked by my ‘boyfriends’ behaviour and style of finishing things last night.
We’ve been together for 2 years, I’m 27 and he’s 30. For the last few months we haven’t been getting on that well, we’ve been bickering over the smallest things but we always make up in the end. Mostly we fight because he gets very jealous over the fact that all my friends are blokes and we are very close but I’ve given him no reason not to trust me. It’s been a rocky week though cause I went out on Sunday night with my friends and fell home at 2am. I still made it into work on time but he really annoyed that I’d be that irresponsible on a work night. None of his business in my opinion and it’s not a regular occurrence, it was just a spontaneous few pints that turned into more.

We were having dinner yesterday evening in his folks house and me, him and his mom were having a glass of wine while cleaning up. He made a comment to me like ‘Easy on the wine or you’ll end up on the lash until all hours again’. I just ignored him and continued to put away dishes. As the night went on he kept digging at me with little things but saying them just loud enough so his mam could hear and could sense his angry tone. They are very close. She asked me at one point what was going on and I just said oh nothing, everything’s fine. This continued on until we were both snapping at each other and it was very embarrassing and awkward. He then said to me, in front of his mam, this isn’t working. I don’t want to be with someone like you anymore. This is a joke.

I was stunned and just sat there staring at him. Then I got upset and asked if we could talk in private but he said no, I have nothing more to say anyway. I asked his mam if she’d mind giving us some privacy and she shouted at me ‘How dare you dictate to me in my own house’. I am still stunned by all of this. We don’t live together but we go to his folks house at least once a week and I get on well his mam, or so I thought.

I just got up and left and haven’t heard from his since. Any advice on what to do now? I love him to bits but this has shook me up and last night he felt like a stranger to me. To me it’s unforgivable how he treated me, what do you think?
Thanks

The Sweeper · 24-04-2009 08:37AM

If I were you, I'd never get over that.

I'd close up shop and move on.

jon1981 · 24-04-2009 08:40AM

Seriously do you really want to be a part of that family? thats shocking!

villains77 · 24-04-2009 08:42AM

id move on to nothing wrong with having a few jars with mates after work. sounds like a muppet for treating you that way.

bada_bing · 24-04-2009 08:42AM

i wouldn't bother going back either! you're better off without a muppet who acts like that.

ellie1 · 24-04-2009 08:45AM

That is horrible thing to happen to you. I know you love this bloke but I would not contact him under any circumstances. If he wants to work it out let him come to you.

I would view this as bang out of order and to me unforgiveable.

Hope you are okay.

bicardi19 · 24-04-2009 08:50AM

sounds like his mam has alot to do with it if you ask me!! Is there any chance she has been adding in her 2 cents to her son. he seemed to be looking for back up from his mam from what you say.
Sounds like your better off without someone who would have so little disregard for you. I know easier said than done.
I know if my son ever spoke to a woman like that I'd give him a clip on the ear no matter what age he was.

littleoulme · 24-04-2009 08:51AM

OMFG!

You poor petal, you're way better off without him

LegacyUser · 24-04-2009 08:56AM

Sorry to hear what happened to you OP. Don't look back. Move on. Have nothing more to do with them. That was so disrespectful of him. If he did that once, he'll do it again. Don't allow yourself to be treated like that. Please don't contact him again. A broken relationship is broken for a reason. It is always worse on the person who didn't see it coming but you'll get over it eventually and be glad you are out of it.

Heineken Helen · 24-04-2009 08:58AM

Aw that's horrible. You poor thing. Of course you're in shock right now but you don't want to be with somebody who'd treat you like that. You deserve much better! Keep him out of your life.

Colonel_McCoy · 24-04-2009 08:58AM

Forget him, he is acting like a child! 30 years old and to act like that you are better off without him!

monjogirl · 24-04-2009 09:00AM

He sounds like a total a**hole! You're much better off without him, and his mother! they sound like horrible people!
i know you say you love him, but believe me, you can do soooo much better! you're only young and going out with friends and having a bit of a laugh! You'll get over him in time, i guarantee you!
and definately DON'T contact him! make him see that you're doing fine without him!
Pr!ck!!!

paperclip2 · 24-04-2009 09:01AM

God OP, he sounds like a piece of work. Even if he was just going through a bad patch treating someone like that is atrocious behaviour especially from a 30 year old. Its also interesting that he chose to do it where he had 'back-up'. I know the heart wants what it wants but maybe drawing a line under this one for now might be wise. I wouldn't be hasty to get in contact with him. From your description he, and possibly his mother, owe you an apology. Chin up hun.

LegacyUser · 24-04-2009 09:07AM

littleoulme wrote: »

OMFG!

You poor petal, you're way better off without him

Thank you. I'm actually in tears at my desk now. It was just so embarrassing and I could tell that he was enjoying it cause I was helpless and he was on his own turf. I felt like he hated me. Also, the jealousy thing is out of order too. I can go for a pint with my friends if I want to. If they were a bunch of girls I hung out with doubt he'd mind.
The funny thing is I get approached more when I'm out with girls cause guys would assume one of my male friends is my bf.

What will I do though? I can't just leave things like this! I am so angry at him but I want to keep my dignity while letting him know I'm done too. Any advice?
I don't want him knwoing I'm upset, he knew last night cause I couldn't control it but today I pull back my control. Oh god..I feel lost

puglover · 24-04-2009 09:08AM

TBH that's nothing short of bullying from both of them. It's appalling behaviour.

Apart from the shocking way this ended, the comments and digs at you all night was an attempt to use bullying to control you. You hadn't done a thing wrong and certainly to not deserve to be treated so badly.

You really don't need people like that in your life. And now that they have shown there true colours, long-term do you want to be part of a family like this sort of toxic environment?

I think you should call him up and tell him just that, then tell him you don't want anything to do with either him or his Mother again.

Ann22 · 24-04-2009 09:08AM

What an immature idiot!! He's sounds like a real mummy's boy, brave tackling you with her in the background. Your night on the tear was no big deal compared to what he did. I'd be livid! In all honesty, the woman has no manners sitting there when you really needed to be alone:mad:. I know you love him but can you imagine having a mother in law like that hovvering at the edge of your peripheral vision silently egging him on while your oh stands there giving out.....every row you'd have he'd be away scarpering home to his mammy telling tales. Things he'd forgive you for eventually, she won't so it'll all build up so that it'll be a tug of war between you. If I was you I'd be out of there now before kids come along.

happyoutscan · 24-04-2009 09:12AM

If a guy treated my sister like that I'd batter him and date his mom for good measure! Honestly he in no way sounds worth it, sounds like an auld manneen with adolescent fears. Do yourself a favor (as hard as it is after 2 years) and move on, ignore this fool especially when he comes running after you. NO GOING BACK! Best of luck.

messygirl · 24-04-2009 09:12AM

how DARE he?! im so angry for you! i know you love him but at the end of the day he is a mommys boy who apparently wanted to avoid having an adult break up so did it in front of him mum,
how dare she support the dsipicable behaviour of her son?

my advice for what its worth, grab you bloke mates tell them your boyf is out of the picture and you need to go out on the lash, put on your favourite dress and high shoes, get your hair done and go out on a single night! drinking flirting eyeing up any talent and falling home at whatever time you want! break ups are hard and its going to be hard to get over, but once you do you will think back on what he did to you and honestly, you will be relieved! besides he seems a bit dry if he doesnt like people going out on a "worknight"

can you imagine if you have kids with this guy?! and then their granny and dad treating their mum with disrespect?

maybe he is a nice guy but you are just as good/better than him and deserve to be treated with respect!

best of luck!

Wibbs · 24-04-2009 09:15AM

happyoutscan ease up on the "batter" talk. It's against the charter of this forum. Thanks

Slow Motion · 24-04-2009 09:16AM

OP, he needed his mammy there for support while he dumped you! That says it all as far as I am concerned. Consider this a lucky escape and move on! I can only imagine what it would have been like down the line if you were married /moved in together!

Peewee_lane · 24-04-2009 09:18AM

I would imagine that because hes so close to his mam that its all her words coming out of his mouth and hes carrying on like her about you staying out late on a work night. Jesus, its not a school night!

Listen, you need to IGNORE any text messages, in 7 days you will feel better.
IGNORE any emails, dont rise to any more aggression.

Just because a relationship went on for a long time doesnt mean it was perfect or love, now that you've seen the real side to him I hope you've been saved from this bullying duo for the rest of your life! Imagine if you had kids and he disagreed with what school or religon you wanted for them...and the two of them ganged up on you like that.

That mother... my god, how dare she. Your not 18! Nearly 30...

Go out again with that crowd you went out with last weekend and start living your life. Life sends you subtle messages all the time when somethings not right or its time to move on, so take this as a big message and move on.

John_Mc · 24-04-2009 09:18AM

Do not go back to that guy or take him back if he comes grovelling - you're clearly better off without him and his mammy.

Taltos · 24-04-2009 09:19AM

It's guys like this that make me ashamed to be a fella.

You are much better off away from this prat.
If he treats you like this now - can you imagine how much worse it could get.
Count yourself lucky that you found out now.

Write him off as a total waster and mummy's boy.
Just think in a few years you will look back and laugh about him with a huge sigh of relief.

Go out - have fun and put that idiot and his mum behind you.

Wibbs · 24-04-2009 09:20AM

OP he sounds like a child, not a man. If he had issues with you going for pints with male mates, well then he should have privately voiced those concerns. Though even there it shows too much insecurity for my liking. Doing t i front of his mother was out of order. TBH while his mother was also out of order, I can understand her position more in defence of her son and all that, though she raised him that way so she's as much to blame on that score.

I would think seriously think twice about moving forward with this guy. Now we can all have bad moments and maybe it was the drink talking and that's fine in isolation, but I suspect this childish behavior is not without precedent.

bicardi19 · 24-04-2009 09:20AM

o/p if you want to tell him your done and keep your dignity at the same time i'd let him know that you were unimpressed with his behaviour and you will not stand back and be spoken down to like that from anyone.
As a parting shot i'd be highly tempted to say I hope you and your mother are very happy together.

LegacyUser · 24-04-2009 09:22AM

Not sure there is any advice that can help you here but I hope the sheer numbers of people saying "yes, what an utter child hiding behind mummy's apron strings to break up with you!" will give you some comfort. Please, please, please don't take him back if he ever comes crawling. Some men will NEVER step out from under their mother's influence. Even if at some stage he apologised, I fear he sounds like the type who will never truly grasp the meaning of boundaries and respect around your relationship.

Stay strong!

biko · 24-04-2009 09:23AM

Or pretend to take him back and then break up with him in front of all your laughing friends.

Lab_Mouse · 24-04-2009 09:23AM

2 words ,fu*k him.What a twat

John Mason · 24-04-2009 09:26AM

If you want to keep your dignity do nothing

Rise above it. Send him a quick email to say, that his thing are in a black bag outside your house and you hope he has a good life

if you do anything else you are just feeding him.

Walk away, with your head up high and move on with your life

prinz · 24-04-2009 09:34AM

Stunnedgirl wrote: »

We were having dinner yesterday evening in his folks house and me, him and his mom were having a glass of wine while cleaning up........... They are very close. She asked me at one point what was going on and I just said oh nothing, everything’s fine. ..........
I asked his mam if she’d mind giving us some privacy and she shouted at me ‘How dare you dictate to me in my own house’. I am still stunned by all of this. We don’t live together but we go to his folks house at least once a week and I get on well his mam, or so I thought.

He sounds like a tool alright.Unforgiveable, almost.

But there also sounds like there's more to this, a lot more. Constant bickering, putting you down in front of people etc... it takes two to be in a relationship like that.

As regards his mother....... how exactly did you word your request that she give you privacy? Could it be that you snapped, or said something to her in the tone/style that you'd use on him, because seems to me like you two got on alright. Is it possible that you were actually narky with her?

ellie1 · 24-04-2009 09:35AM

What will I do though? I can't just leave things like this! I am so angry at him but I want to keep my dignity while letting him know I'm done too. Any advice?

Please do not contact him as you are giving him the power to be as nasty as he likes. Definatly not while your so upset. Wait a couple of weeks and then send him a thank you note saying "thanks for dumping me in such a nasty way, it made me realise what a spineless little prick you are. I am much better off without you. Must dash, off drinking with the lads again"

John_Mc · 24-04-2009 09:36AM

prinz wrote: »

He sounds like a tool alright.Unforgiveable, almost.

As regards his mother....... how exactly did you word your request that she give you privacy? Could it be that you snapped, or said something to her in the tone/style that you'd use on him, because seems to me like you two got on alright. Is it possible that you were actually narky with her?

Regardless of whether she did, the Mother should've taken it on herself to give them privacy. She shouldn't have had to ask and even if she did with an undesirable tone, it's understandable given the context of the moment.

Pete4779 · 24-04-2009 09:37AM

Stunnedgirl wrote: »

Morning Guys,
For the last few months we haven’t been getting on that well, we’ve been bickering over the smallest things but we always make up in the end.

It's not the most recent event that lead to the breakup, but like you said, you haven't been getting on well for a few months. Have you considered over that time what behaviours you do that could be trying for your (ex) boyfriend?

it's unlikely that one late sunday night would lead to a comment like he did; perhaps he is hoping for someone a bit more mature and with a view for serious committment? In that regard, a woman - or perhaps future wife/mother - who goes out for a few pints until 2am on a sunday night, can easily come across as irresponsible to someone with different values. You are both probably quite different people with different goals.

prinz · 24-04-2009 09:39AM

John_Mc wrote: »

Regardless of whether she did, the Mother should've taken it on herself to give them privacy. She shouldn't have had to ask and even if she did with an undesirable tone, it's understandable given the context of the moment.

Agreed.But it might also explain the remark by the mother.By some of the comments here you'd swear she was the 'man behind the curtain' pulling the son's strings. Seems to me like the OP and his ma got on ok up to that point. Still she's dating the son, so it's irrelevant really.

SueWho · 24-04-2009 09:40AM

I agree with pink fluffy bunny. I think to send an email or text with your final few words is best because you'll probably get upset if you spoke to him on the phone or in person. And it can help just to have your say at the end- kind of closure.

BTW, you said you're embarrassed. Don't be. He's the one that should be totally ashamed of himself.

ellie1 · 24-04-2009 09:40AM

perhaps he is hoping for someone a bit more mature

I doubt it very much given how immature, nasty and childlike his behaviour turned out to be.

Queen-Mise · 24-04-2009 09:44AM

I am not surprised you are shocked and deeply deeply betrayed by what he did. And there is also a good chunk of disbelief there also.

OP run away from this man. You spent two years with him, I am sure they were lots of good times in it as well. But you can never trust him after this.

If he does crawling back and you reconsider taking him back. He HAS to be able to explain to you, why what he did was so nasty and out of order, rather than you telling him. Again I would not step foot inside his mother's house again for a long long time (Xmas and the other important ones, but that's it).

Mind yourself, nevermind how he broke up the relationship - this is going to be a nasty few weeks anyway. Get your friends around you & family - you need lots and lots of support and love just now.

This is no reflection on you at all, what he did.

messygirl · 24-04-2009 09:46AM

Pete4779 wrote: »

It's not the most recent event that lead to the breakup, but like you said, you haven't been getting on well for a few months. Have you considered over that time what behaviours you do that could be trying for your (ex) boyfriend?

it's unlikely that one late sunday night would lead to a comment like he did; perhaps he is hoping for someone a bit more mature and with a view for serious committment? In that regard, a woman - or perhaps future wife/mother - who goes out for a few pints until 2am on a sunday night, can easily come across as irresponsible to someone with different values. You are both probably quite different people with different goals.

what an offensive comment, what, she should have changed everything to please a man who didnt like her going out and who wanted her to be a stepford wife? he didnt change what he did to make her more comfortable, he didnt stop griping in front of his mother even though she tried to avoid it, why is it that she is seen as irresponsible for having a life and a laugh, its okay to be different but that doesnt excuse the fact that what he did was wrong and spineless

whatever you do hold your head high that you deserve better treatment than this, going out with your mates isn't wrong and dont feel guilty for enjoying yourself,

sorry pete had chance to cool down, just that saying that someone has all the blame and should be trying to change without respecting the things he should have done to make the relationsip better is a little maddening, the way he broke up with her is slimy and disgusting and unforgiveable, and it would take a lot of effort to change that behaviou and get over the hurt it would cause! anyway sorry fr haste, just as a girl who has changed somewhat over course of relationship there is only so much you can give up until you aren't yourself anymore, you end up being ho they want you to be, then get bored because you aren't original, and you are left insecure, and trying to rebuild who you are. not easy!

Pete4779 · 24-04-2009 09:46AM

ellie1 wrote: »

I doubt it very much given how immature, nasty and childlike his behaviour turned out to be.

"This isn't working, I don't want to be with someone like you anymore".

That is the comment - and there is nothing immature, nasty or childlike in it. He clearly doesn't like her going out drinking pints with a bunch of other men late into the night - but she does anyway. So, if he needs a little extra support to do what he wants by having a family member around, then so be it; perhaps he was worried the OP would become aggressive, threatening, etc., . He clearly isn't and the presumption that the OP should be given privacy in someone else's home clearly indicated she already had overstepped boundaries of acceptable behaviour but failed to recognise it.

He wanted to break up with her, and after a few months he did. If the OP didn't like it or the comments, then why would he have been making them? He clearly does not like her socialising behaviour and it is every right of his to comment on that and decide what type of woman he does and does not go out with - and he decided without any rudeness or hostility, that he did not want to go out with someone like the OP.

Relationships are about compromise and it works both ways.

LegacyUser · 24-04-2009 09:46AM

You are far too good for this. He sounds immature and insecure if he is afraid of you having male friends. Call him and tell him its over and never take any sort of communication from him again. Take how badly you felt last night as the benchmark for how you never want to feel again. No one deserves to be made feel like this. Doll yourself up sweetie and hit the town big time this weekend.

prinz · 24-04-2009 09:52AM

Pete4779 wrote: »

Relationships are about compromise and it works both ways.

True that. It was hardly out of the blue really, and it took the two of them to get to the stage where this happened. Where it happened may be regrettable, but how it happened, well he just told her straight out.......

Dave! · 24-04-2009 10:01AM

What a gimp... Dunno what I'd do tbh, but certainly move on and forget about him.

As mentioned before, it's a close call. You coulda ended up further involved with him (financially etc) before you realised what a childish moron he is.

Move on.

ellie1 · 24-04-2009 10:01AM

That is the comment - and there is nothing immature, nasty or childlike in it.

The Behaviour i said pete. He broke up with her in front of his mother (nasty) and left her sitting there embarressed and upset.(nasty and immature) Told her no when she asked to talk about it. (childlike)

He clearly doesn't like her going out drinking pints with a bunch of other men late into the night - but she does anyway.

He is clearly jealous that she is drinking with her friends who happen to be male.They arent just "other men". They are her friends.

So, if he needs a little extra support to do what he wants by having a family member around, then so be it; perhaps he was worried the OP would become aggressive, threatening, etc.,

.

Nonsense.

The guy is 30. If he was unhappy with his partner , he should have ended it in a mature and unchildlike manner andFrankly, prinz the girl has been dumped in a nasty way and here you are making excuses(again) for his nasty behaviour.

ManOfMystery · 24-04-2009 10:07AM

Not the first time I've read Prinz seemingly defending those who really shouldn't be defended.

What the guy did was out of order. It's not like you cheated on him; he had some issues with your social life and decided to take them out on you in front of his mother. And she is obviously socially inept too if she includes herself in an argument between her son and his girlfriend instead of removing herself from the room.

There's really no excuse for it from a 30yr old man - it's embarassing for you, but it should be more embarassing for him that he has to use his mother as an emotional crutch.

My advice - move on, you're better without him in your life. He's the kind of guy who will be 50yrs old and spending all his time with his mother rather than trying to have a female equal in his life.

reprazant · 24-04-2009 10:07AM

Pete4779 wrote: »

"This isn't working, I don't want to be with someone like you anymore".

That is the comment - and there is nothing immature, nasty or childlike in it.

True but the repeated snide remarks were immature, nasty and childlike.

Pete4779 wrote: »

He clearly doesn't like her going out drinking pints with a bunch of other men late into the night - but she does anyway.

He doesn't like her having so many male friends which strikes me as him just being jealous. If a girlfriend asked you to not go out with any of your female friends, you would probably think she was being somewhat irrational and overly jealous.

Pete4779 wrote: »

So, if he needs a little extra support to do what he wants by having a family member around, then so be it; perhaps he was worried the OP would become aggressive, threatening, etc., . He clearly isn't and the presumption that the OP should be given privacy in someone else's home clearly indicated she already had overstepped boundaries of acceptable behaviour but failed to recognise it.

If somebody was breaking up with me, or even if my and my partner were having an arguement, it is a given that you are given some privacy. I have never been in a situation were somebody refused to leave the room when some sort of doemestic was happening, especially when a couple were breaking up. Most people would be embarrassed and leave the room without needing to be prompted.

Pete4779 wrote: »

He wanted to break up with her, and after a few months he did. If the OP didn't like it or the comments, then why would he have been making them? He clearly does not like her socialising behaviour and it is every right of his to comment on that and decide what type of woman he does and does not go out with - and he decided without any rudeness or hostility, that he did not want to go out with someone like the OP.

Where did it say he wanted to break up with her? They were having arguements about her friends. He did not like that they were male. He gave out to her for going out on a Sunday. Have you never done that? I would say everyone at some stage has done that. He decided to be a coward and breakup with her infront of his mother. This is worse than breaking up with somebody by text. She would have been unable to ask questions which she wanted to and would have been mortified for it to have happened. I am shocked that you cannot see that and think that his actions are justified.

Wibbs · 24-04-2009 10:09AM

Pete4779 wrote: »

"This isn't working, I don't want to be with someone like you anymore".

That is the comment - and there is nothing immature, nasty or childlike in it.

his words I agree with you on, his context I don't. His lack of respect for the privacy of their relationship I don't.

He clearly doesn't like her going out drinking pints with a bunch of other men late into the night - but she does anyway.

Then he should have brought this up in a mature way, not with a few ales on board and not in front of others(especially his mother)

So, if he needs a little extra support to do what he wants by having a family member around, then so be it; perhaps he was worried the OP would become aggressive, threatening, etc.,

OK colour me caveman here, but What? He's a man, how the hell is he going to be threatened by a woman getting aggressive? Unless shes a black belt or whatever, physical threat is not there. Unless he's in an already physically abusive relationship with this woman and he doesn't want it to escalate then the threat of that is again not there. If he's threatened by her emotionally? I say man the hell up. If a woman starts screaming at me and gets all aggressive or emotional? What the hell is she going to do to me? Nada. I simply switch off as she's acting like a loon, take myself out of that situation, by asking her to leave or I leave myself. He's 30 for god sake.

He clearly isn't and the presumption that the OP should be given privacy in someone else's home clearly indicated she already had overstepped boundaries of acceptable behaviour but failed to recognise it.

It's simple cop on. If someone a couple I know say, is in my house and are having an argument, I will leave them to it. If one or other of them looks to me to back them up, I say no. It's not my place. I would only interfere if it got physical. If it escalates to a screaming match I'll ask them to leave. Thats it.

He wanted to break up with her, and after a few months he did.

In which case he took his sweet time. If he was stewing this for a few months and not letting her know to the degree she needed to know, he needs to learn better communication.

If the OP didn't like it or the comments, then why would he have been making them? He clearly does not like her socialising behaviour and it is every right of his to comment on that and decide what type of woman he does and does not go out with - and he decided without any rudeness or hostility, that he did not want to go out with someone like the OP.

Oh I agree that if he felt she was acting the maggot and not the woman for him, then game over. That bit I get. The bit I don't get is regardless of what she did, ambushing her and bickering at her like a child for the night in front of his mother on his own home ground is frankly the actions of a coward and a weak man. If this had happened in her place or his and it was just the two of them I would say fine. But pulling this guff in this scenario would not be on for me. If a mate of mine pulled this, me and the other lads would call him on it and he would go down in our estimation and no mistake.

Relationships are about compromise and it works both ways.

I agree.

Ann22 · 24-04-2009 10:11AM

Pete4779 wrote: »

"This isn't working, I don't want to be with someone like you anymore".

That is the comment - and there is nothing immature, nasty or childlike in it. He clearly doesn't like her going out drinking pints with a bunch of other men late into the night - but she does anyway. So, if he needs a little extra support to do what he wants by having a family member around, then so be it; perhaps he was worried the OP would become aggressive, threatening, etc., . He clearly isn't and the presumption that the OP should be given privacy in someone else's home clearly indicated she already had overstepped boundaries of acceptable behaviour but failed to recognise it.

He wanted to break up with her, and after a few months he did. If the OP didn't like it or the comments, then why would he have been making them? He clearly does not like her socialising behaviour and it is every right of his to comment on that and decide what type of woman he does and does not go out with - and he decided without any rudeness or hostility, that he did not want to go out with someone like the OP.

Relationships are about compromise and it works both ways.

What he said wasn't the issue, it was the fact he said it in front of his mother who was sitting there with her mouth open taking it all in. It was no way to end a relationship. Things may not have been working out between them and more likely yes they both were to blame for the relationship's downfall but to dump someone in front of one of their mates at 15 yrs of age would be a dirty thing to do but to do it as a 'mature' adult in front of their mother and in her home?!!! He's a bully end of:mad:.

Latchy · 24-04-2009 10:14AM

So he takes you home to tell you it's over in front of his ' mammy ' so she can then add her tuppence worth .

What a tosser and the mother sounds horrible to .

star-pants · 24-04-2009 10:14AM

God help whomever he marries (IF he ever marries) I say.

Problems or not - at his parents house in front of them is NOT the place to discuss such things. He degraded you in front of his mother, pointed & laughed & prodded. You had to endure this and his mother looking on and then he turns around and says that whilst his mother's there?
He's chickensh*t -- sorry but he completely is. He could have talked to you after ye left, his whole 'I don't have anything else to say' is bullcrap. He just couldn't stand up to you on his own that's all.

As much as it hurts as I'm sure you loved him - you are waaaaay better off. If someone like that treated a friend of mine that way - he'd be in trouble. And as for his mother - yeah ok we all will stand up for our own children, but she had to see how he was nit picking at you the whole night, and most people would see that ye needed a moment alone instead of a public breakup like that. So she's nearly as bad. I don't think it was rude of you to ask for a moment - her house or not, HER son chose to use her house as the area for the breakup so tough luck really.

I'm still in shock over his severe immaturity - I can only imagine how you must be feeling.
I'm sure on some level he's a nice guy, but clearly his balls are still locked up his bedroom of his mother's house.
Don't give him so much as a tear - not a word, nothing. Point blank nothing. No matter how hurt you are, don't let him see that - he's a sod and doesn't deserve anything but karma. Do yourself proud, and prove your own superior maturity and get him erased from your life asap.

Pete4779 · 24-04-2009 10:16AM

ellie1 wrote: »

The Behaviour i said pete. He broke up with her in front of his mother (nasty) and left her sitting there embarressed and upset.(nasty and immature) Told her no when she asked to talk about it. (childlike)

Clearly he doesn't make as much of a deal about his mother being present as the OP. Sounds like she invested too much in *that* relationship. She was embarassed and upset because she was caught off guard. This isn't the first fight they have had, I would bet. If she broke up with him, and he was embarassed and upset would she be thought of as nasty and immature or else an independent strong woman doing what's right for her?

Told her no? Nobody has to explain exactly a damn thing about their actions in a situation like this. He made it pretty clear, she simply can't handle that. He broke up with her, end of story - what is there to talk about except for her talking her way back into a relationship/stable family life again? He wanted her out of his life; by not talking about it he clearly saved her from further upset.

He is clearly jealous that she is drinking with her friends who happen to be male.They arent just "other men". They are her friends.

By the time a man gets to 30, he doesn't really give a damn about these situations, and likely has a clear idea about where he wants to go in a relationship. Many people - this may be news to you - don't actually want to go out drinking late at night and have entirely different goals in life. It sounds like she has been living an extended college life, but is not willing to compromise that for a stable relationship. He wants that, she doesn't, different goals. Being jealous? It's not Beverly Hills 90210! You can't pop-psychologise that he is jealous of her awesome collection of men friends. It doesn't even make sense.

The guy is 30. If he was unhappy with his partner , he should have ended it in a mature and unchildlike manner andFrankly, prinz the girl has been dumped in a nasty way and here you are making excuses(again) for his nasty behaviour.

This is how life is. He ended it in a safe, non threatening environment with minimal opporuntity for heated emotions, which clearly she was displaying (upset, embarassment, etc., ). she simply can't handle that her life - the way she leads it - is not going to continue to work for her as her older and more mature ex boyfriend expects more mature behaviour from a 27 year old women.

(27 year old woman that likes to go out for pints with a bunch of men until 2am on a sunday night? Not exactly a keeper, eh? - and you are calling *him* immature?)

BTW - I don't view either behaviour as being a demonstration of maturity for two grown adults. You can complain about how he did it, but chances are both are better off without each other.

prinz · 24-04-2009 10:23AM

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Not the first time I've read Prinz seemingly defending those who really shouldn't be defended.

So you don't agree it takes two people to be constantly bickering and narky with each other?

ManOfMystery wrote: »

What the guy did was out of order. It's not like you cheated on him; he had some issues with your social life and decided to take them out on you in front of his mother.

Like I said, wrong place. But he dumped her. as is his right.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

And she is obviously socially inept too if she includes herself in an argument between her son and his girlfriend instead of removing herself from the room.

As she pointed out it was HER house. The OP and her fella were the socially inept ones to take their issues into someone else's house, what was to stop the OP leaving? If he's putting her down in front of his mother, make your excuses and leave.

ManOfMystery wrote: »

There's really no excuse for it from a 30yr old man - it's embarassing for you, but it should be more embarassing for him that he has to use his mother as an emotional crutch. My advice - move on, you're better without him in your life. He's the kind of guy who will be 50yrs old and spending all his time with his mother rather than trying to have a female equal in his life.

He dumped her...... so he has already moved on.The timing and place were bang out of order.

Boyfriend broke up with me in front of his mam!

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